All language subtitles for Cheers.S01E04.Sam.at.Eleven.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

- Hey, Coach, how about a beer?
- Forget it, Harry.

Now, Sam says I can't serve you anymore.
You're a flimflammer.

Oh, no, no, it ain't for me.
I'm expecting a friend.

- A friend?
- Yeah, yeah.

He asked me to order it for him.

He did. He did.
In fact, he wrote it down.

- "One beer."
- Now, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait.

Wait one minute. One minute, Harry.
Let me see that.

Yeah, one beer.

Harry, I just had to make sure.

Okay.

That'll be one buck.

A buck. Let's see.
Gosh, I thought I had a dollar.

Well, I got a ten.
You got change?

Yep, absolutely.

Here you go.
A five and four ones, Harry.

Oh, look at this.
I have a buck after all.

I don't need the change, Coach.
Why don't you give me my ten back?

Right.

Right.

- Here you go.
- There you-- Wait, wait, wait, no--

Coach, I don't wanna carry around
all these bills.

Listen, give me a 20 for the
whole thing. What do you say?

You got it.

Nobody move.

Come on, Coach,
don't you see what he's doing?

I mean, he's shortchanging you.

Oh, no, no, Sam, he's outsmarted me before,
but not this time.

No way. Believe me.

Coach, how much money
are you giving him?

- Twenty bucks.
- How much is he giving you?

Oh, darn you, Harry.

Sam, I'm just trying
to keep in practice.

Coach, I tell you what,
I'll give you a $30 bill.

- We'll call it even. Okay?
- What do you think, Sam?

There's no such thing
as a $30 bill, Coach.

You wanna bet?

Get out of my bar, Harry.
Come on, now, scoot.

Wait a minute. You owe me ten bucks.
What is this, a clip joint?

I'm sorry. Here. Now go on.

You know, Sam-- You know,
you've got the wrong idea about me.

No, I don't. Now, Harry, you got
ten seconds to get out of my bar.

And give me back my watch, Harry.

I'm just trying to help you guys out.

I mean, if you wanna
upgrade a little bit--

- Out.
- I'm out. I'm out.

- Afternoon, everybody.
- Hey, Norm!

Give me a beer, will you?

How's life treating you, Norm?

Like I just ran over its dog.

You're a little late, Norm.
How come?

Vera dragged me down
to the mortuary.

Had to arrange for our funeral.

You thinking about dying, Norm?

We don't have any dates
circled yet, but...

you know Vera,
she likes to plan ahead.

Yeah, we're gonna get cremated.

No kidding? What are you
gonna do with the ashes?

You know, I wanted to throw them
in her mother's face...

...but I think we're gonna have them
scattered over the Adirondacks.

- Hello, everyone.
- Hi, Diane.

I'm sorry I'm late, but you'll be
delighted when you hear why.

We were just delighted
that you were late.

I had the most fabulous
after-class discussion

- with my art history professor.
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I now feel, unequivocally,
I have a full grasp of impressionism.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Do Kirk Douglas.

Sam, I am sorry I was late.

Is there anything I can do
to make it up to you?

Yeah, yeah, but you wouldn't.

Cheers. Yeah.

Coach, your friend Walt.

Oh, Walt. Walt.

Walt, Walt, my God,
it's so good to hear from you.

Oh, I'm so glad the
operation's over, Walt.

Listen, I didn't wanna say
anything beforehand, Walt,

but, you know, I didn't think your
chances going in there were too good.

Oh, it's tomorrow?

Well, listen, don't worry about it,
Walt, you'll fly right through it.

It's a piece of cake.

- Hello, everybody.
- Dave!

Oh, the famous sportscaster.

- Hi, Coach.
- Right on, man.

Hey, Dave, we watch you here
on the news every night.

- Oh, great.
- You do the best sports report in town.

Well, well, what do we have here?

Hi. Dave Richards.
I'm an old teammate of Sam's.

Diane Chambers.
I'm Sam's new waitress.

- Sam have his brand on you yet?
- Hardly.

Oh, well, good, then you're
in for a lucky day.

Not only am I
incredibly good-looking,

I'm also incredibly rich
and incredibly nice.

And incredibly married.

Well, I am sorry to hear that.

- You are?
- Yes.

I was hoping to reject you
based solely on your personality.

Too skinny.

Can I have Coach buy you a beer?

- No, Sam, I'm here on business.
- Yeah, I noticed.

How would you like to be my interview
on the 6:00 news tonight?

- Hey, that's terrific! Sam!
- Yeah!

You wanna interview me?
I haven't been in baseball for years.

Hey, I understand perfectly.

You are one of the best relievers
the Red Sox ever had.

Carla's right. You're still a
big name in this town, Sam.

We could do the interview
right here in the bar.

You couldn't ask
for more than that, Sam.

And besides, you owe me a favor.

- I do?
- Yeah.

Remember that night in Chicago in 1973?
Those two young--?

Dollars I borrowed?
Oh, yeah.

Two young dollars?

Yeah, I hate it
when they're wrinkled.

Look, I'm out of practice.
It's been years since I did an interview.

Hey, come on, Sam,
it's good advertising.

- It would help business.
- Right, Carla.

And we can all be on TV.
I'd like to see myself on TV.

No, you wouldn't. Trust me.

Trust me on that.

Come on, Sam,
I haven't got all day.

- Yeah, come on, come on.
- Come on, Sam.

- Do it!
- Come on!

Sam, everybody in this bar
wants you to do the interview.

Almost everybody.

- What do you mean?
- Oh, never mind.

Will you excuse me
for just a minute?

Diane, can I talk to you
in the backroom for a minute?

- Certainly.
- Thank you.

I'll be right back.

I just have to discipline
an employee.

- Oh, can I watch?
- No.

Okay, what's the problem?

What makes you think
I have a problem?

Because you've got that
Sam-is-a-chowderhead-

and-he-wouldn't-understand-
if-l-drew-him-a-picture look.

- I do get that sometimes.
- Yeah.

Sam, the fact of the matter
is that you are an ex-jockstrap.

- Ex-jock.
- You...

That's ex-jock. Now, how many times
I gotta tell you that?

Well, what is the origin
of the word "jock"?

I-- From the French, "Jacques."

Sam, those 'where are they now"
interviews on TV?

- Yeah?
- They're depressing.

You know, anytime you put a "former"
in front of someone's name,

even the most attractive,
bright, successful guy--

Excuse me, excuse me.
"Attractive"?

Yeah. Even then,
you know, something--

I didn't know you thought
I was attractive.

Well, you know, when the light
strikes you in a certain way,

and your hair's combed just right,
and I'm standing back a ways,

you're sometimes
somewhat unrepugnant.

Yeah, that's what women call me,
"tall, dark and unrepugnant."

The point I am laboring
to make here

is that whenever I see an old athlete
trying to relive his glory days on TV,

I can't help but feel sorry for him,
and I don't wanna feel sorry for you.

Wait a minute.
Feel sorry for me?

Hey, look, I resent that.
You don't have to feel sorry for me.

You know who you should
feel sorry for?

I'll tell you who you
should feel sorry for.

You should feel sorry
for the Flintstones.

I beg your pardon?

Well, yeah, they're opposite
the 6:00 news,

and when everybody finds out
that "Mayday" Malone is on,

Bedrock is gonna be a very lonely
little town.

Martina Navra--

No. Martina Navra-mama-Jamma. No.

- Martina--
- Hey, Dave, let's do it.

- All right!
- Yeah!

That's great, Sam.

Give me 20 minutes,
I'll bring the crew right back.

You got it. That'll give me just enough
time to slip into my shawl and blanket.

Dave, this is a really good idea.

Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it?

Yeah, about time you
got around to "Mayday."

Well, actually, I'm really kind of excited
that he agreed to do the interview.

You know, John McEnroe
canceled out on me.

So Sam was your second choice?

No, Gerry Cheevers is out of town
with his horses.

- Third?
- M.L. Carr has laryngitis.

Fourth?

Jim Rice is out of town,
and Robert Parish was last week,

and Becky Bannerman, the junior high
school gymnast, is on a field trip.

But Sam was the first retired guy
you thought of?

- No, well--
- I said,

Sam was the first retired guy
you thought of.

- The very first.
- He's honored.

The Celtics got going
pretty good, eh?

Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

I'm practicing my floating coin trick.

Pardon me?

Just a little something I do.

So, what, it's a rigged-up coin, huh?

No, it's just a half-dollar.

Take a look.

- A trick or something, huh?
- No, no trick.

- Strings and wires, stuff like that?
- No, no wires, no strings.

I just take the coin, I hold it
in the air about like that,

and then I let go of it real careful,

and it just stays there.

It floats.

It hangs there.

What am I, a goof?

There's no way you can make
a coin hang in the air. No way!

- You got five bucks if I can't do it?
- Yeah, I-- Ten! Ten bucks!

No, wait. Wait a minute.
Am I being hustled here?

You are gonna give me ten bucks
if I cannot do it?

You're onsville, pal.
Come on.

- I couldn't do it.
- No, you couldn't.

- I don't know what happened.
- I'll tell you what happened.

You just got stuck with ten bucks.

Coach! Coach!

- Who is this clown?
- Which clown?

Harry! Harry, please.

- Harry.
- Sam, I'm going. I'm going.

I was just playing, okay?

But whoever owns a Honda,
thanks for the lift.

He take you for anything, Norm?

What'd you say, Coach?

I didn't hear you. I'm practicing
suspending this coin in midair.

Here, here.

- No, Carla, don't, I'm fine.
- All right, all right.

You know, he's gonna ask you, "What's
your greatest memory in baseball?"

And I'll tell you what it is.

It's gotta be that double-header
against the Orioles in '72.

He saved both games
with seven pitches.

- Seven pitches.
- No, no, now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute, will you?
Wait a minute.

You wanna talk about
excitement, huh?

Sam, tell them about opening day
in New York.

You come out of the bullpen
in the seventh,

the bases are loaded with pinstripes,
Bobby Murcer's at the plate--

He hit a 400-foot home run
off me, Coach.

My God, it was the most exciting thing
I ever saw.

Coach, this is Sam's interview.

Why would he wanna talk about
something bad happening to him?

You're right, Carla.
I don't know what it is.

You know, sometimes I just think
of the smartest thing to say,

and then it comes out so stupid.

That doesn't make any sense.

Well, you should've heard it
before I said it.

- Everybody ready?
- Yeah.

Well, "Mayday"...

- ...knock them dead.
- Thanks.

- You ready, Sammy?
- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I am. Dave, listen,
I'd like to do this if you don't mind.

First, we can talk about whatever
my greatest thrill in sports was,

then I wanna talk about my triumph
over alcoholism.

- Good. Very good.
- Yeah, it could be powerful.

- Yeah.
- Very powerful.

- Yeah.
- Then we could talk about Cheers,

what I'm doing now,
and if you have any time left over,

we can talk about what I'd do
about the crisis in the Mideast.

Yeah, the Cubs got that thing
by three and a half games, don't they?

Should be a stimulating evening.

Ready, Dave.

Okay, a little bit more
to the left, guys.

- Roll tape.
- Rolling.

Action.

I'm standing here in a popular
Boston watering hole called Cheers.

What's wrong with his voice?

- Come on, Diane, this is television.
- Cut the tape, Ernie.

- Come on, Sam.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- I mean, really. I gotta start over now.
- I know. You'll be all right.

Gee whiz.

- Roll it, Ernie.
- Rolling.

I'm standing here in a popular
watering hole called Cheers.

Most of you probably recognize
the guy standing next to me.

Or maybe you don't when he's not
in his Red Sox uniform.

But this is Sam "Mayday" Malone,

ex-great relief pitcher
from the Boston Red Sox

and now owner and bartender
here at Cheers.

- How you doing, Sam?
- I'm all right, Dave. Thanks.

That's great.

You've been out of baseball, what,
five years now?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Do you miss it?

Well, you know, I miss the fans.

The people of Boston
were very good to me.

Yeah.

Tell us about some of the great
moments you had here, Sam.

Well, I guess I'd have to say
one day in Baltimore.

Oh, great. You wanna tell us a little bit
about that, Sam?

Well, it was-- I was working both ends
of a double-header.

It was the old story.
First game, bottom of the ninth,

I'm coming in with a man on second
and third,

we're holding onto a one-run lead
against the Birds.

And Boog Powell's coming up.

I could feel the wind
from his warm-up swings.

I mean, the guy had the heaviest bat
in the league.

Papers are full of him.

So I figure the only way
I'm gonna get this guy,

as good as he's going,
is if I challenge him on the first pitch.

If I try to get cute,
he's gonna kill me.

So I decide I'm gonna make him wait
on me, make him sweat a little bit.

You know, I adjust my cap
a couple times,

go down to the rosin bag
a couple times,

walk around the mound
two or three times.

Then when I figure he's getting
good and antsy, I--

Dave, John McEnroe just called.

He said he's got something
he wants to get off his chest.

McEnroe.

Hey, Dave, what...?

Sam, thank you.
I'll catch you later, huh?

What happened?

Well, I guess he got
a better interview.

No, no, what happened
to the Boog person?

He grounded to third.

Come on, Coach,
let's serve some drinks here.

Yeah, right, Sam.

Tennis is a sissy game.

Come on, we got some
thirsty people, right?

- Damn shame, Sammy.
- No. No sweat, no sweat.

Listen, I'm gonna be in back,
cleaning up.

- That's our job, Sam.
- It's my bar, Carla.

Listen, Carla,
will you watch my customers

while I'm gone, please?

Sure. I'll go over, act geeky,
give them the wrong drinks.

- They'll never know you're gone.
- Thanks.

Sam, this could be a crucial moment
in your life.

It is vitally important that
you handle your emotions properly.

The worst thing that anyone
in a situation like this

could do right now
is to repress his feelings.

Diane, get out, please.

You need to lash out.

To release yourself.

Scream.

- Get out!
- Wonderful.

All right, now...

We need now to move away from
the brute gut release of emotions

into the more cerebral.

Tell me in one sentence
what you perceive

to be your problem right now.

You won't leave.

Let's come back to that.

Other people have been through
what you're feeling.

Even, in a slightly different way,
myself.

Would you like me to share
an experience from my life

when I was horribly defeated
and humiliated?

Diane, I don't wanna hear a
lead-in-a-high-school-play story.

It's not a lead-in-the-high-school-play
story.

Well, I don't wanna hear a I-didn't-get-
asked-out-for-the-junior-prom story.

It's not an I-didn't-get-asked-out-
for-the-junior-prom story.

Well, I sure as hell don't wanna hear
a I-didn't-get-elected-cheerleader story.

Okay, if you're just gonna make
a big joke about it.

I hit it, didn't I, huh?

- Come on, I hit it.
- Oh, Sam, I was terrific.

Look, what happened to me today
put a period at the end of my career.

The last thing I need
is a cheerleader right now.

Well, that's what you need the most.

Hey, you know,

I was looking at you
at that interview today.

Yep. I didn't see a washed-up
ex-former has-been.

No. I saw a guy who has a great deal
to look back on with pride.

And a great deal to look forward to
with hope.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Of course, it didn't hurt that you
were standing next to a Cro-Magnon.

But, Sam, here's the point.

You know, you have to put
the past behind you.

You have to turn and face the future.
Look at it.

You have to open your eyes,
see what's right in front of you.

You're young, you're alive.
Feel that. Feel that in your whole body.

Appreciate what you've got.
Live for today.

Go for it, Sam. I tell you, go for it.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm...

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Oh, hey, look.

One of my lights is out.

It's a reflex, Sam, you know?

I learned it in a class,
Practical Feminism.

What was your final,
crippling a Buick?

Look, I'm sorry I had to do that,

but I came in here
with very honorable intentions

of trying to help you out.

No, no, I'm sorry, you're right.
Thank you.

Look, I really appreciate
you coming in here.

It's the high point of my day.

How long have you wanted
to do that?

Do what?

Kiss me.

How long have you denied
that burning desire?

It just came to me.
It was an impulse.

Good.

Because if you've been thinking
about anything between us,

it is out of the question.

No, no, I haven't.

Good.

Listen, Diane...

...thank you.

I will put the past behind me,

and tomorrow I'll feel better,
but tonight I'm gonna feel bad.

Okay?

Yeah, okay.

Hey, Sam, will you do me a favor?

You want me to try
and take your purse, right?

Okay, I deserved that.

No, I'm curious.
I wanna hear about the Boog-er.

- The what?
- The guy from Baltimore.

Listen, Diane, I know
when I'm being patronized.

I may not have had 80 majors,
but I know when I'm being patronized.

Second game, bottom of the ninth,
Boog's up again.

- Again?
- Oh, yeah.

I'm seeing the clown in my dreams.

See, if I serve him a gopher ball,
we're five games out of first place

with only eight to play.

Now, there's only one guy on base,
but it happens to be Don Buford.

I mean, he's over there on first base
dancing around.

I had to go over there 20 times.

To talk to him about dancing?

No, no, no, you see,
you gotta throw the ball to first

to keep the runner close to the bag.

- If you don't, what happens is--
- Wait, wait.

Don't you throw the ball
at the batter?

Look, this story's going nowhere.
Why don't we just forget it.

Oh, good, now we have time
for my cheerleader story.

All right, all right, Buford's on first.

- Where?
- Right here.

Right there. Put it down, put it down.
Easy mistake, gentlemen.

Easy mistake.

Let me give you another shot.
Let me give you another shot.

Once again. Anyone can make
that mistake. Once again.

- Again. Once, twice, three times.
- I wanna double up.

Let me give you a hand.
Which one?

- I wanna double up.
- Right here.

Right there. Gentlemen, gentlemen--
Oh, one more time, one more time.

Please, please, please, please.

I'm trying to give you a chance
to break even. I feel just terrible.

Again.