All language subtitles for Cheers.S01E03.The.Tortelli.Tort.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

- What a great day. Hey, Cliff.
- Hey, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy.

- You got something funny, Coach?
- Yeah, Sam.

This salesman came by this morning
with these new napkins.

Read that one. It's terrific.

- This isn't funny.
- Well, no, that's not the funniest, no.

Read some of the others.

- What others?
- Oh, here.

I bought 30 gross. Take your pick.

Thirty gross of two hunters saying,
"Did I hear a buck snort?"

No, no.

They're all different, Sam.

Well, I'll be darned.

That salesman.

But two bucks snorting
is funny every time.

You should've asked me
before you did this, Coach.

Gee, I'm sorry, Sam.

I was sure you were
gonna love them.

These things are a real
conversation starter.

No, Coach, this is not
a conversation starter.

- Did you see these awful napkins?
- Yeah, they stink.

See what I mean?
The place is abuzz.

Well, folks,
the Sox need a rally here,

as they bat with two outs
in the bottom of the ninth inning.

The Yanks may have it sewed up,
though, as they lead 5 to nothing.

Here's your drinks.
Go, Red Sox!

Miss, which drink is which here?

What does this look like,
the Pepsi Challenge?

Sam, Carla's getting
her drink orders mixed up

because she's watching
that silly game.

Snitch face.

You know, if you tried that
at St. Clete's School for Girls,

we'd have given you a pink belly
that glowed in the dark.

I'd kind of like to see that.

- Afternoon, everybody.
- Hey, Norm!

- Norman.
- How you doing, Norm?

Cut the small talk
and give me a beer.

- So, Norm, how come you're late?
- Boss kept me after.

- Got chewed out a little bit.
- Yeah, what for?

I don't know.
Guess he doesn't have a dog.

All right. Hey, our prayers
are answered, Normie, babe.

- Yastrzemski's up with a man on.
- Yeah, it's the fountain of youth.

- Yeah.
- Come on, now.

Now we're gonna get something going.
All right, come on, now.

You and me, babe. You and me, Yaz.
Come on. My hero.

Popped it up.

- Sox lose again.
- You old fossil.

That's it. That does it.

May I have your attention, please,
everyone.

I have an announcement to make.

As of right now, Carla Tortelli
is no longer a Red Sox fan.

No, no, really! I mean it this time.

Now, stop that, okay.

Have I said that before?

Give everybody a drink on me, Sam.

- What's the occasion, Fred?
- My sister Louise died.

Congratulations, Freddie.
Just in the nick of time, huh?

Oh, yeah, I was getting pretty low
on funds.

What's going on?

Well, Fred here is the youngest
of 12 brothers and sisters

of a very wealthy family.

And I never cared for any of them.

Every time one of them dies,
Fred here inherits all their money.

I think that's ghoulish.

Yeah, so did we
the first six or seven times.

Remember the night two of them
drove off the cliff in the fog?

Talk about a party.

Okay, how we doing here? Cliff.

Yeah, another one, Sam,
but hold the napkin, huh?

Hey, what do we have here,
a Red Sox bar?

Sorry about that, fans.
Another tough one in the loss column.

Boohoo.

We're closed.

I just came from a classic massacre
of Boston by the Yankees.

Tonight on the news
you can watch the low lights.

You know, I can't see why you people
are such bad losers.

You've had so much experience.

Who do you like, the Yankees?

Another swift Bostonian.

Yeah, I'm a Yankee fan.

Back in the real city,
they call me Big Eddie.

Pig Eddie?

Hey, pal, you made awfully good time
getting over here from Fenway.

I still hear the TV tubes cooling.

Oh, I left right after the Red Sox fans
had their seventh-inning wretch.

- Can I help you?
- Yeah. Give me a draft.

You know, Big Ed,
the Sox are doing okay.

Yeah? Since 1918,

the Yankees have won
23 world championships.

And the Sox, zip.

Wanna talk about major poets
from New England

as opposed to New York?

Wanna talk about Nobel Prize winners
in medicine?

No!

Philistines.

Fred, another round for everybody?

No, Louise didn't have
that much money. But I'll be back.

My 90-year-old brother Bob
is hooked up to so many wires

you can get the Super station on him.

- See you.
- So long, Freddie.

Hey, tell him we'll be thinking of him
during the next electrical storm.

- Bye.
- Good night, Fred.

- You homesick for the Bronx?
- Yeah.

Here.

You'll have to forgive Carla.

She gets a little overemotional
at times.

But please bear in mind,
you are in an alien camp.

Tact is perhaps
your wisest recourse.

What'd you get, a vocabulary
for Christmas?

How would you like to take
a flying leap up a knuckle sandwich?

Well, you gather my inference.

Hey, come on, everybody,
take it easy.

We're trying to run
a nice, friendly bar here.

Come on, everybody
sit back and relax.

Read a napkin.

Great shot, kid.

Well, you must admit,
the man's a jackal.

Hey, hey.

I know you.

- What's your name?
- Sam Malone.

- Yeah, that's it.
- Yeah, I usually get it right.

Hey, you used to be a relief pitcher
for the Boston Red Sox, huh?

- That's right.
- Hey, you didn't stink.

Thanks.

As I recall, you had
a darned good hard slider.

And here you are, schlepping drinks.

The great Sam "Maybe" Malone.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
That is "Mayday."

- Let me buy you a drink, Sam.
- No, thanks.

Come on. I didn't mean all that stuff
about your ball club.

- Come on. Have a drink with me.
- No, I don't drink.

A baseball player that don't drink?

He doesn't drink anymore. That's it.

Oh, that's-- That's what happened.
And I thought you just lost it.

Hey, hey.

He licked his booze problem
three years ago.

Hey, what was it like pitching
to two guys at the same time?

Better yet, what was it like coming in
with bases loaded, and so were you?

- Easy. I got her, I got her.
- It's okay, everybody, I'm fine.

Sammy, you get a minute, you wanna
put a head on this here, bud?

You all right?

Yeah, I think I better
get this looked at.

Here's a doctor.
Lives right near here.

No, I was thinking something
more on the lines of an attorney.

- Oh, here's a guy. He's excellent.
- Coach.

No, thanks. I got my own,
and he's damn good.

Listen, Sam,
you're legally responsible

for the actions of your employees.
You know that, don't you?

She got carried away.
It was a stupid mistake. I'm sorry.

Mistake? That was an assault,
in front of witnesses.

Hey, I didn't see anything.
I still don't.

Hey, listen, Sam, I ain't got nothing
against you. You run a clean bar.

Fire her, and I'll forget
the whole thing.

Come on, come on. Look, there must
be some other way we can settle this.

Yeah? What do you suggest?

Well, I certainly think an apology's
in order, don't you, Carla?

Hey, I'm willing to listen.

Listen, Sam, you fire her,
or I'm gonna take everything you got.

Well, that's it. Happy hour is over.

Carla, what you did
was reprehensible.

You do what you can.

- Talk to your lawyer, Sam?
- Yeah, I finally got through to him.

- So, what'd he say?
- Well--

If he's worth a dime, he said
by statute and precedence

this would be considered a tort.

And there is, therefore, substantial
grounds for cause of action.

How'd you know that?

Well, I picked it up in pre-law.

I thought you were an English major.

Well, that was after art
and before psychology.

Is there anything you weren't
in college?

Blonde.

Check the yearbook, Carla.
Check the yearbook.

- Don't. Just stop.
- Sam.

Look, I'm sorry I got you in trouble.

I promise, it won't happen again.

How--? How am I supposed
to believe that, Carla?

I mean, you've flown off the handle
too often.

When?

You don't remember throwing a man's
change at him from across the bar?

The correct change.

Carla, Carl--
Look, you have a history of being...

- Abusive with customers.
- I'll handle this.

A history of being
abusive with customers.

Sam, he was insulting you.

You're so stupid, you don't even know
when you're being insulted?

Carla, I appreciate you
defending my honor,

but I used to be a baseball player.
I'm used to people riding me.

I mean, in Yankee Stadium,
I had to face 50,000 Eddies.

I can defend myself without
having to call in Spider-Lady.

Yeah, I did make a couple
of nice moves, didn't I?

- Like when I swung--
- Carla, Carla, sit down.

Look...

I'm your friend, and I like you.

But I'm also a businessman,
and as a businessman,

I don't like what you did tonight.

Look, you know,
I could get tough with you.

I mean, my lawyer wants me to do
exactly what Eddie asked.

Fire me?

Come on. That's crazy.

Carla...

...I could lose the bar.

Sam, you can't fire me.

I need this job.

Think of my kids.

If I didn't have this job,
I'd have to stay home with them.

Hey, Sam, you're not actually
thinking about it, are you?

Sam, this is Carla
we're talking about.

I know it's Carla
we're talking about, Coach.

Excuse me.

- May I make a suggestion?
- Sure, honey, go ahead. What?

Well, I have a very close friend
who is a clinical psychologist.

- That could work.
- What could work?

Well, I don't know, Sam.
Give the kid a chance to talk.

This friend mentioned to me
one time

that he has a therapy group
for people who...

I hope you'll forgive me, Carla.

For people who can't control
their tempers.

You think I'm wacko.

Nobody used the word wacko.

Now, you don't have to be wacko
to see a psychologist.

Perfectly normal, happy people
consult psychologists.

In fact, get ready to laugh,

I have consulted him
professionally myself.

Are you one of his better jobs?

I'm trying to help you.

Carla, look, this might
do you a lot of good.

Now you think I'm crazy.

I think you're a person
who's got a lot of anger inside her.

Yeah? Well, stick it.

Come on, would you?

Look, Sam, I grew up on Federal Hill.

I had six older brothers and sisters.

I mean, I worked all my life
to get this mean.

Now you're telling me
I have to learn nice?

Carla, I'm giving you
one more chance. Take it.

Okay.

Look, if I go see whitey's shrink...

...will you let me stay on?

Show me you're serious,
get some help,

and, yeah, I'll keep you on.

Thanks, Sam.

- Come on. Let's go home.
- Oh, this is great.

I mean, just great. A minute ago,
everything seemed so hopeless.

I thought we were gonna lose
Carla forever.

And all of a sudden, it's all
turned around. I feel wonderful.

All we have to worry about now
is Eddie taking my bar away.

That didn't last long.

Oh, I'm sorry. Pre-law...

...was after literature
and before psychol--

No, wait, I'm wrong again.

Indian studies totally slipped
my mind.

How could I forget that?
It changed my life.

All right, fine, Eddie, yeah.
See you in 15 minutes.

- So Ed's coming over?
- Yeah, he's on his way.

When was the last time
he was here, Sam?

Three weeks.

Oh, gee, then he's seen
the napkins, huh?

Ed?

You don't mean that swineherd Ed
that's suing you?

Yeah, that's the one.

Oh, I see what you're doing.

You're taking advantage of the fact
that it's Carla's day off

to bring Ed in and fool him
into thinking that you fired Carla.

It's a crass ploy.

I'm gonna tell him that Carla's
in therapy

and ask him to understand.

My way's better.

Hey, that Ed guy
is not my favorite person.

I think he's a big pansy making
a big fuss over some intense pain.

How many times
did you play hurt, Sam?

- Now and then.
- I must have got hit by 100 fastballs.

As a matter of fact,
it became a specialty of mine.

Wait, you specialized in getting hit?

- Yeah.
- He led the league

in HBPs two years in a row.

"Hit by pitches."

See, I perfected it when I was down

with the St. Louis Browns
organization, Diane.

I could get to first base
on any pitch.

I mean, what I'd do was,
I'd get up there

and lean my body
into the pitch, right?

Well, sometimes I took one
right in the old melon.

But I really made a science out of it.

I became a master.

Well, here, try to miss me.

Diane, stand right there.
Now, I got the batter's box

marked off back there
at exactly 60 feet 6 inches.

You ready? Okay, here we go.

- Has he done this before?
- Lots.

You know, Diane,
back in those days,

we didn't wear
batting helmets either.

Sam, this is ridiculous.

He gonna stay back there all night
unless you throw the ball.

- Okay, honey, I'm ready. Let her rip!
- Come on, baby!

All right, all right.

I'm not gonna get it
anywhere near him.

That's the whole point.

I'm on my way to first.

Way to hum, girl.
Right in the old honeydew.

I really had to dive for that one.
But I still got the old touch.

Hey, hi, everybody.

Carla, hi.

It's Carla, Sam.
And Ed's on his way over.

Thanks for reminding me.

Carla.

What the hell are you doing here
on your day off?

I brought my shrink by
to meet you all.

He wanted to put the names
with the faces.

Dr. Graham, this is my boss, Sam.

- How do you do?
- Hi. How you doing?

And this is Coach Pantusso.

Hello, Doc. So you're
a psychologist, huh?

You know, our jobs are a lot alike.

You mean, because we both listen
to people's problems all day?

Well, there's that too.

Thank you. It's really nice
to meet you, doctor.

- Hello, doctor.
- Well, hello, Diane. How are you?

In what sense?

- Pardon me?
- Oh, you mean, "How are you?"

Right? Not, you know,
"How are you?"

Well, if that's what you meant,
I'm fine.

- Good.
- It's really good to see you,

- but I should get back to work.
- Okay.

Nothing personal.
I'm just a hard worker, you know?

Not that I'm obsessed with work.

Diane, why don't you get
some pretzels.

- Thank you.
- Hi, Sam.

What's she doing here?

Ed, why don't you sit down
way over there.

Listen, I...

I asked you over here
to talk about Carla tonight.

You see, she's still working here.

I thought my attorney made
my position absolutely clear on that.

Well, yes. Yes, he did. He did.

Hey, table for one. Sit down.

See, Carla is seeing a therapist.

She's trying to work things out.

She's trying to become
the kind of waitress

that you'd enjoy being waited on by.

You just ended that sentence
with two prepositions.

Don't you have customers
to deal with?

That ended with a preposition too.

Don't you have customers
to deal with, mullet head?

- Look--
- Better.

So you're in therapy, huh?

Yes.

I've come a long way, though.

Well, I don't believe it,
and I want you out of here.

Ed, it's a long process.

- Sometimes--
- Sam.

Hey, Ed.

Give me a break.

I mean, I've been working
damn hard,

and I'm better.

- Yeah?
- Yes.

Boston stinks.

This bar stinks.

It's all right, it's all right.

You're a crummy waitress.

- Oh, now, wait a minute--
- No, no, let it go.

- You're doing wonderfully.
- Hang in there, Carla.

You're short.

You're obnoxious.

You're a terrible dresser.

- That's low.
- No.

Sam Malone was a terrible pitcher.

Ted Williams was overrated.

Bobby Orr was a wimp!

Eddie-- Eddie, I'd stay away
from hockey.

I hit a sore spot, huh? Okay.

The Bruins are a bunch of ugly,

stupid sissies!

Come on, Ed. I mean,
how much more do you need?

Okay, Sam. I'm gonna drop
the whole thing.

Working here
is punishment enough.

Hey.

I wish you hadn't said that
about the Bruins.

- Why, you a Bruin fan?
- No.

I'm a Bruin.

Let me walk you to your car.

I wanna show you some
of those sissy things I got suspended for.

All right!

- Carla, that was wonderful.
- Thanks.

- I'm so proud of you.
- So tranquil. A new woman.

My psychologist.
My psychologist.

- How did you do it, honey?
- Nothing to it.

I mean, I've been working
really hard on this, haven't I, doc?

I mean, we had
some great sessions.

I just used this little trick
Dr. Graham taught me.

I imagined a small point
way off in the distance.

Hey, Carla. Where's that beer
I ordered?

Shut up, we're celebrating.

And I just keep thinking of that point.
He never fazed me, I'm telling you.

Like, a little deep-breathing,
relaxation...