Original subtitles

[minister] Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God

of His great mercy

to take unto Himself the soul of our dear sister Christine,

we therefore commit her body to the ground.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,

dust to dust,

in sure and certain hope

of the resurrection to eternal life.

Amen.

[mourners] Amen.

[Jackie] Kathy, love,

sorry to bother you, but do you think

I could just go back and say a final goodbye to your mum?

[Kathy] Of course, Jackie, you must.

You meant so much to her.

Thanks, love.

Go. You go on.

So, Chrissy...

here we are.

And I just couldn't bear to leave your graveside

without saying this.

I'm glad you're fucking well dead.

[Ally] When did we last decorate Ava's room?

Dad helped me paint the ceiling.

That shows you how long ago it was.

- Jim up a ladder. - [laughs]

- Christ. - Yeah.

Should get a new bed as well 'cause she's had that

since she was eight or nine.

So, a... a... a double bed, honey?

Yeah. Yeah, a double bed.

- That makes... - Mm-hmm.

That makes sense for her now. A double bed. Yeah.

Is either of us gonna mention how... significant that is?

Uh, what, that our little girl's becoming a sexually active woman

and where the fuck has the time gone?

- Yeah, that sort of thing. - I just mentioned it, so...

Good. That's all covered then. [groans]

[laughter]

- [Jay cooing] - [Jackie] Oh.

How old is he now, Maya?

Uh, just over five and a half months.

- Mm. - Yeah.

- He's very bonny. - [chuckles]

They used to have competitions, didn't they? "Bonniest Baby,"

like Miss World, but for babies.

- Jay would win hands down. - Yeah.

'Cause he's a gorgeous boy, ain't you, Jay?

Are you managing to study all right at the college?

Uh... just about.

I can bring Jay onto campus for tutorials,

and all my lectures stream online.

And how is it with Luke being up in Liverpool?

- Manchester. - Uh, Manchester, I mean.

Uh, it's... it's not ideal,

but I'm really glad he was given his place back

- since he turned it down. - [doorbell rings]

Excuse me.

But yeah, he... he can't afford the train or to use the car,

so he just lives on coaches,

and it's over six hours each way, door to door.

Do they have toilets on these coaches?

- [chuckles] Yeah. - Thank Christ.

- [indistinct conversation] - [both chuckle]

Look who I found.

- Aha. - [Maya] Oh, hi.

[chuckles]

They're taking me out for lunch today.

- Lovely. - [Ava] Holly's treat.

I'm off to a salon in Brighton for a couple of weeks

to cover for one of their stylists.

They pay me really nice money, so I'm gonna take us

to that new Lebanese place by the park.

- Oh. - Classy.

- [Jay fussing] - How old is he now, Maya?

Uh, five... five and a half months.

- [babbling] - [Maya] Yeah.

[Jackie] Oh.

Right. Where is Jay's car seat?

- Right over here. - Oh, I'll get it.

[packaging rustling]

[crunching]

[indistinct conversations]

[cellphone beeps]

[automated voice] Warning. Low battery.

[continues crunching]

Excuse me, pal. Do you know how long we got left to go?

Um... just over four hours till we get into Victoria.

Shit. Really? Four hours?

Feels like I've already been on here four hours.

[resumes crunching]

- Do you want a crisp? - Uh, no, you're all right.

Not bothering you, am I, eating 'em?

[crunches]

No. No. All good.

[indistinct conversation continues]

[can top pops open]

[slurping]

- [indistinct conversations] - Um...

- Do you mind if I... - No, not at all.

Thank you.

I'm Rose, Chrissy's cousin.

Pleased to meet you. I'm Jim, and this is Jackie.

And how did you know Chrissy?

She was a friend of mine for many years.

Oh, yes, of course, Jackie.

I've heard of you. You're one of her best friends.

You'd visit her in the hospice towards the end.

Yes, I went a lot.

Mm.

So, you must have known Chrissy well, too, Jim.

- Yes, I did. - Mm.

She was one of the sweetest people I ever knew.

I mean, honest, no side to her.

It's dreadful to think that she's gone. [sighs]

Very sad.

I might just get a bite to eat from the buffet.

Try the ham, Jackie. It's a lovely bit

of old-fashioned, thick-cut butcher's ham.

[indistinct conversations continue]

I thought it was a good service.

Yeah, and good, solid hymns, too,

like the ones we used to sing at primary school. [chuckles]

I don't like these modern hymns.

No, too many tambourines,

lyrics about being filled with joy.

Exactly. A good hymn should make you remember your sins.

- I like decorating. This is fun. - [Paul chuckles]

Maybe you should do it for a living, like Maya's dad.

I reckon I could rock a white van.

[chuckles] Totally. Overalls, headscarf, lippy,

smoking a rollie, cutting people up on roundabouts. [chuckles]

Right. Um, Holly, can you give me a hand with that bed?

- Oh, yeah. - Shifting it over here.

- I need to get... - Yeah, sure.

to the skirting board. Thanks, love.

- Just this way. - Lift.

Top. Oh.

- She's strong. She's strong. - [laughs]

We're getting you a new bed, by the way, Ava.

- Great. - [Paul] Uh, yeah.

Yeah, it's the bigger bed.

[clicks teeth] Double bed, if you like, uh,

'cause there's... there's room, so... yeah.

Thanks. That'll be brilliant.

Who'd like a tea?

- Yes, please. - Oh, please, I'm gasping.

- [Ava] Yes, thank you. - [Paul] Oh. Thank you very much.

I'll... I'll make a pot, bring it up.

Thanks for the double bed.

And for not being awkward talking about it.

- You're welcome. - We were a bit awkward.

- [laughs] - Yeah, but it's fine. [laughs]

Good. [chuckles]

It's companionship as much as anything, isn't it?

- [chuckles] - [Paul grunts]

I still think of these baby sweet corns as a new thing.

Well, they've been around forever,

but they still seem like a novelty to me,

like dimmer switches.

Jackie, will I ever be able to make it up to you,

make amends?

No. No, you won't.

Right.

We'll muddle along like we always have,

till one of us dies.

But you having an affair with Chrissy,

my best friend, and you never telling me,

you can't make up for that.

There's no redemption there.

- I'm so sorry, Jackie. - No, I know you are.

You tried to top yourself, your daft sod,

but I'm just telling the truth.

And we'll be fine.

In a few months, we won't mention this.

We'll watch Midsomer Murders.

You'll make me laugh,

and I'll do us some cheese on toast,

but you can't undo what's happened.

That is chiseled like a fucking headstone.

Mmm.

[mouth full] Rose was right. That's a lovely bit of ham.

[door closes]

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

The, uh, the M6 was a disaster, and then the coach--

- [whispers] Shh! - [whispers] Sorry.

Sorry. Jay's just gone down on the sofa.

He's barely slept for like a day or so.

[sighs] Oh, okay.

Sorry. Hi.

[exhales]

Do you wanna come in and see him?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- I haven't cuddled him in days. - I know.

But he'll be awake soon enough.

He's a very wakey baby at the minute.

[chuckles]

When do you have to head back?

Um... I need to get the 6:00 a.m. coach

to make my 12:30 lecture.

- 6:00? - I know.

- Luke, should you maybe-- - [raises voice] I don't...

[whispers] Sorry. I, um...

I don't want to miss seeing him or you.

I don't want to miss being a dad.

No, I know, Lukey, but you're always

on the road, and you're always exhausted.

I just wanna be with you and Jay.

Yeah, and I understand that, but...

maybe you should just think about coming back a bit less.

[metal tapping]

[sighs]

[exhales deeply]

[door opens]

[toilet flushes]

[door opens]

[exhales deeply]

- [birds chirping] - [Jackie] Did I ask you how

Paul was yesterday?

Yes. They'd been painting Ava's room, remember?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember. And I was staying with Holly.

That's right.

Jim, can I ask you something?

Go on.

Where am I?

We're in our flat, love.

Oh?

Yeah. The Morrison Estate one?

No, love, our new sheltered housing.

Oh! Yes. Yes, Of course.

- How silly of me. - Not silly at all.

We all need to know where we are.

I got confused for a second.

I've been confused since decimalization,

- so we're well suited. - [sighs]

I'm not right, am I, Jim?

You'll be fine, love. We'll get along fine.

I don't wanna see a doctor.

[Jim] We won't see a doctor. Can't anyway.

You have to wait three weeks at that new practice,

and then it's just a phone call.

- Thanks, Jim. - It's all right, love.

- How's your show? - [sighs] Dog shit. [laughs]

- But it'll do. - Mm.

- It's the worst of both worlds. - Yeah, it does sound rough.

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time, Lukey.

You're polishing off those custard creams,

- aren't you, mate? - Mm. I sometimes forget to eat

'cause I'm always rushing to be somewhere.

Do you want me to cook you something?

No, no, no. Biscuits are good.

- Sugar, syrup, fat, and salt. - All the main nutrients.

- [chuckles] - The thing is, I don't

really know anyone at college, not properly,

because I'm always, you know, I'm always coming back up here

if I'm not in tutorials or lectures.

And then when I'm back with Maya and Jay, it just...

it feels like I'm, you know,

I'm interrupting their routine....

- Yeah. - ...like I'm a hindrance

and not a help and that they're just better off without me.

It was always gonna be difficult, lovely,

but you're managing.

I'm not, Mum! I can't do it.

There's no way of making this work.

I want to defer and then rejoin the course again in...

I don't know, two years.

And between now and then, I can get a job in London,

and I can be a proper boyfriend and a proper dad.

Mate, you've already turned this course down once, Luke.

They're not gonna let you muck 'em about again.

It's worth asking, though, isn't it?

I can't keep feeling like this.

Even if you can defer, and you get a job with decent money,

then there's no way that you're gonna leave that

in two years and go back to college.

Maybe that's good!

No, it's not! Lukey, it's not good.

This course will get you to amazing places.

Not just making a good living, but loving what you do.

It's what people dream of,

doing what other people do as a hobby,

but getting paid for it.

Hey, I cansee how difficult this is,

'cause you feel like you're losing a bond with Jay.

- Exactly! - Yes, but if you can

just ride out the next three years,

then you're gonna have so many more options.

- I can't stand it! - No, I know.

I'm gonna ask them if I can defer,

and if they won't let me do it, then I'll just quit.

- No, no, no, Luke. - Hey, mate,

you have to think very seriously about this.

It's what I have to do, okay? I'm sorry.

I'm gonna go to Maya's. I'm on the coach

again in the morning. I'll call you.

Don't do anything silly, Luke, okay? I'm...

No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I just... I need to go. Okay?

- Eat. - Yeah. Proper meal.

Fucking hell.

Poor sod.

- [inhales deeply] Hon? - Yeah.

Do you... I'm just... just playing devil's advocate here.

Do you think it might be for the best if he leaves?

Absolutely fucking not. We have to stop him quitting.

Look, it's... it's a good course. I know that.

But you know, you can't be this miserable for three years.

But he's midway through his first fucking term.

They'll work it out. They just will.

And it's... it's not just a good course.

It is outstanding. He'd be crazy to give it up.

We're agreed on that, right? Sure. Yeah.

Do you mean, "sure, yeah," as in, "not really, no"?

- We have to be realistic, hon. - Oh, right. Do we?

Okay. Well, great. That's great.

Oh. I'll take another biscuit.

[exhales deeply]

I am taking so much shit for just two weeks away.

This will be so good for you.

Biggest gig I've done. Might open a few doors.

Yeah. You'll have your own salon in a couple of years,

- middle of Mayfair. - [laughs]

400 pound for a cut, 500 for a color,

- free cup of tea. - But 50 pounds for a biscuit.

[laughs] Yeah.

- I'll miss you. - I miss you, too.

- [laughs] It'll fly by. - [chuckles]

- I'll call you tomorrow. - Great.

[engine starts]

Bye. I love you.

Bye. Drive safe!

[doorbell rings]

- Oh, hi, Jim. - Is Paul in, Ally?

No, he's giving Luke a lift back up to Manchester.

- Can I come in? - Sure.

Paul's never really talked about his grandparents.

Well, both his granddads died before he was born.

That was the way it was back then,

if you were from the class we were.

The men dipped out in their 50s.

Jackie's mum went in her mid 60s.

- And your mum? - She had a few more years,

but her dementia got pretty bad.

I stopped taking Paul up to see her at the care home

'cause it worried him.

Sometimes she thought Paul was me

and that I was her brother or that I was me dad

or Jesus.

Difficult for an eight-year-old to make sense of that.

Thanks, pet.

- But Jackie's not... - Oh, no, no.

- No. - She's nowhere near that.

But it's coming over the hill.

I can sense it.

She asked me the other day where we were.

Now, that's different from forgetting names

or where you've left your glasses.

I'm so sorry, Jim.

I don't want Paul to know because I might be wrong.

Jackie might be as right as rain and just be a bit forgetful.

She might not have dementia

or "Old-Timer's Disease," as she calls it.

[chuckles]

But I wanted to tell you

that I'm gonna step up,

care for her, look after her,

learn to cook

and how to do a whites wash in the machine

- and how duvet covers work. - [sighs]

It'd be nice

to make up for all the crap I put her through.

Oh, you'll do great, Jim. You will.

But if Paul asks me about Jackie,

I can't not tell him 'cause we don't lie to each other.

Fair enough.

[inhales deeply] I just don't want him frettin'.

Mm.

I understand.

A long way for him to go to give Luke a lift.

He wanted to save Luke from another coach journey

and to try and talk some sense into him.

Luke's determined to defer or quit his place,

and Paul's under strict instructions to stop him.

You know, for an anxious boy, Luke makes a big dent...

- [door opens] - ...on the world, doesn't he?

I know. He does. He always has.

[door closes]

Hi, love.

Hello, Ava.

Hi, Grandad.

Is everything all right?

Fine.

I'll skedaddle.

Thanks for the tea.

Jay was up a lot in the night last night,

and when he did go to sleep, then I couldn't.

[scoffs] Yeah, that's impossible, isn't it?

Like trying to meditate on a fucking ghost train.

You still thinking of quitting your course?

[inhales deeply]

Yeah, I've been thinking you're right. [sighs]

They're not gonna let me defer after everything that went on,

and, you know...

I think, yeah, I'm just gonna quit.

You realize how big a deal this is?

I know, but I can't keep this up.

And I need to prioritize Maya and Jay, and I need to...

[inhales deeply] I don't know.

You need to get it right. I understand that.

Because you're at the stage as a dad

where you canstill... get it right.

But just promise me something, please.

- What? - [sighs]

Leave it another week before you quit.

Just... just one week. I wanna see if I can...

do some... [exhales deeply]

Like what?

Pull some strings. I don't know. One string.

- Okay. - Good. [sniffs]

[inhales deeply] I'm just gonna close my eyes for a bit.

- Keep talking, though. - No, go for it.

If I pop into a service station, do not wake up and start crying.

[chuckles]

I said it ages ago, but Holly didn't hear me.

And then... I don't know,

we were just having a fun relationship,

and it... it didn't seem to get said.

And she definitely said it earlier?

Loud and clear.

And I don't know why I couldn't say it back.

Well, do you love her?

I don't know.

I think so.

No, I do...

I think.

All this stuff is new.

I know, love. It's difficult, isn't it?

Does it get easier as you get older?

No, not really. [laughs]

[indistinct conversations]

Thank you. I'll see you next time.

- Oh. - Andrew.

- Paul, how are you? - Thank you for meeting me.

I really appreciate it.

It's a pleasure. It's lovely to see you.

Um... [chuckles] you know those bastards

in politics, in the media, who use their school connections

to get preferential treatment and sail through life?

Those bastards. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I need to briefly be one of those bastards.

- [chuckles] - [chuckles] 'Cause, uh, Luke,

my... my Luke, uh, wants to defer his place

on the music production and sound engineering course...

- Okay. - ...for... for two years.

- Two years? - Mm.

- Hmm. Okay. - Um, but look, he's...

he's a new dad, his partner lives in London,

and the whole back and forth thing is just... I...

well, it... it's killing him, basically.

And, uh, I just thought, you're...

you're a really senior member of staff here,

so maybe you could put a word in

so he doesn't get chucked out on his ear.

- You know what I mean? - Yeah. Okay.

Um... [sighs]

I mean, I'm gonna need some more details.

- Mm-hmm. - See?

Um... shall we... go to the pub?

- We can chat it through. - Oh, mate, lovely. Thank you.

- All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Thanks so much. Thank you.

I'm driving, so I'll... I'll just have a half one.

Yeah. I'm on warfarin for a heart thing,

so I'll just be on the pretendy lager.

[chuckles] Christ. Do you remember living it large?

Oh, no, I only ever really lived it small to medium, I think.

- [Paul laughs] - [Jackie] Mmm.

Lovely bit of toast, Jim.

- Oh, thanks. I'm quite the chef. - [laughs]

Ah! No, it's not a tree or his long johns.

- It's the dog's ear. Right. - Mm.

I'm looking for more dog's ear pieces.

Mm. I'll help you.

Right. What have we got here?

Ha ha! Yes!

- What's that? - The dog's bum, I think.

[laughs] Try it.