All language subtitles for Breeders.S04E09.No.Matter.What.Part.One.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Kitsune_track4_[eng]

[minister] Forasmuch as it
hath pleased Almighty God

of His great mercy

to take unto Himself the soul
of our dear sister Christine,

we therefore commit her body
to the ground.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,

dust to dust,

in sure and certain hope

of the resurrection
to eternal life.

Amen.

[mourners] Amen.

[Jackie] Kathy, love,

sorry to bother you,
but do you think

I could just go back and say
a final goodbye to your mum?

[Kathy] Of course, Jackie,
you must.

You meant so much to her.

Thanks, love.

Go. You go on.

So, Chrissy...

here we are.

And I just couldn't bear
to leave your graveside

without saying this.

I'm glad you're
fucking well dead.

[Ally] When did we last
decorate Ava's room?

Dad helped me paint the ceiling.

That shows you
how long ago it was.

- Jim up a ladder.
- [laughs]

- Christ.
- Yeah.

Should get a new bed as well
'cause she's had that

since she was eight or nine.

So, a... a... a double bed,
honey?

Yeah. Yeah, a double bed.

- That makes...
- Mm-hmm.

That makes sense for her now.
A double bed. Yeah.

Is either of us gonna mention
how... significant that is?

Uh, what, that our little girl's
becoming a sexually active woman

and where the fuck
has the time gone?

- Yeah, that sort of thing.
- I just mentioned it, so...

Good. That's all covered then.
[groans]

[laughter]

- [Jay cooing]
- [Jackie] Oh.

How old is he now, Maya?

Uh, just over
five and a half months.

- Mm.
- Yeah.

- He's very bonny.
- [chuckles]

They used to have competitions,
didn't they? "Bonniest Baby,"

like Miss World, but for babies.

- Jay would win hands down.
- Yeah.

'Cause he's a gorgeous boy,
ain't you, Jay?

Are you managing to study
all right at the college?

Uh... just about.

I can bring Jay onto campus
for tutorials,

and all my lectures
stream online.

And how is it with Luke
being up in Liverpool?

- Manchester.
- Uh, Manchester, I mean.

Uh, it's... it's not ideal,

but I'm really glad he was
given his place back

- since he turned it down.
- [doorbell rings]

Excuse me.

But yeah, he... he can't afford
the train or to use the car,

so he just lives on coaches,

and it's over six hours
each way, door to door.

Do they have toilets
on these coaches?

- [chuckles] Yeah.
- Thank Christ.

- [indistinct conversation]
- [both chuckle]

Look who I found.

- Aha.
- [Maya] Oh, hi.

[chuckles]

They're taking me out
for lunch today.

- Lovely.
- [Ava] Holly's treat.

I'm off to a salon in Brighton
for a couple of weeks

to cover for one
of their stylists.

They pay me really nice money,
so I'm gonna take us

to that new Lebanese place
by the park.

- Oh.
- Classy.

- [Jay fussing]
- How old is he now, Maya?

Uh, five...
five and a half months.

- [babbling]
- [Maya] Yeah.

[Jackie] Oh.

Right. Where is Jay's car seat?

- Right over here.
- Oh, I'll get it.

[packaging rustling]

[crunching]

[indistinct conversations]

[cellphone beeps]

[automated voice]
Warning. Low battery.

[continues crunching]

Excuse me, pal. Do you know
how long we got left to go?

Um... just over four hours
till we get into Victoria.

Shit. Really? Four hours?

Feels like I've already
been on here four hours.

[resumes crunching]

- Do you want a crisp?
- Uh, no, you're all right.

Not bothering you,
am I, eating 'em?

[crunches]

No. No. All good.

[indistinct conversation
continues]

[can top pops open]

[slurping]

- [indistinct conversations]
- Um...

- Do you mind if I...
- No, not at all.

Thank you.

I'm Rose, Chrissy's cousin.

Pleased to meet you.
I'm Jim, and this is Jackie.

And how did you know Chrissy?

She was a friend of mine
for many years.

Oh, yes, of course, Jackie.

I've heard of you.
You're one of her best friends.

You'd visit her in the hospice
towards the end.

Yes, I went a lot.

Mm.

So, you must have known
Chrissy well, too, Jim.

- Yes, I did.
- Mm.

She was one of the sweetest
people I ever knew.

I mean, honest, no side to her.

It's dreadful to think
that she's gone. [sighs]

Very sad.

I might just get a bite
to eat from the buffet.

Try the ham, Jackie.
It's a lovely bit

of old-fashioned,
thick-cut butcher's ham.

[indistinct conversations
continue]

I thought it was a good service.

Yeah, and good,
solid hymns, too,

like the ones we used to sing
at primary school. [chuckles]

I don't like these modern hymns.

No, too many tambourines,

lyrics about being
filled with joy.

Exactly. A good hymn should
make you remember your sins.

- I like decorating. This is fun.
- [Paul chuckles]

Maybe you should do it
for a living, like Maya's dad.

I reckon I could rock
a white van.

[chuckles] Totally.
Overalls, headscarf, lippy,

smoking a rollie, cutting people
up on roundabouts. [chuckles]

Right. Um, Holly, can you
give me a hand with that bed?

- Oh, yeah.
- Shifting it over here.

- I need to get...
- Yeah, sure.

to the skirting board.
Thanks, love.

- Just this way.
- Lift.

Top. Oh.

- She's strong. She's strong.
- [laughs]

We're getting you a new bed,
by the way, Ava.

- Great.
- [Paul] Uh, yeah.

Yeah, it's the bigger bed.

[clicks teeth]
Double bed, if you like, uh,

'cause there's...
there's room, so... yeah.

Thanks. That'll be brilliant.

Who'd like a tea?

- Yes, please.
- Oh, please, I'm gasping.

- [Ava] Yes, thank you.
- [Paul] Oh. Thank you very much.

I'll... I'll make a pot,
bring it up.

Thanks for the double bed.

And for not being awkward
talking about it.

- You're welcome.
- We were a bit awkward.

- [laughs]
- Yeah, but it's fine. [laughs]

Good. [chuckles]

It's companionship as much
as anything, isn't it?

- [chuckles]
- [Paul grunts]

I still think of these
baby sweet corns as a new thing.

Well, they've been around
forever,

but they still seem like
a novelty to me,

like dimmer switches.

Jackie, will I ever be able
to make it up to you,

make amends?

No. No, you won't.

Right.

We'll muddle along
like we always have,

till one of us dies.

But you having an affair
with Chrissy,

my best friend,
and you never telling me,

you can't make up for that.

There's no redemption there.

- I'm so sorry, Jackie.
- No, I know you are.

You tried to top yourself,
your daft sod,

but I'm just telling the truth.

And we'll be fine.

In a few months,
we won't mention this.

We'll watch Midsomer Murders.

You'll make me laugh,

and I'll do us
some cheese on toast,

but you can't undo
what's happened.

That is chiseled
like a fucking headstone.

Mmm.

[mouth full] Rose was right.
That's a lovely bit of ham.

[door closes]

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

The, uh, the M6 was a disaster,
and then the coach--

- [whispers] Shh!
- [whispers] Sorry.

Sorry. Jay's just gone down
on the sofa.

He's barely slept
for like a day or so.

[sighs] Oh, okay.

Sorry. Hi.

[exhales]

Do you wanna come in
and see him?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- I haven't cuddled him in days.
- I know.

But he'll be awake soon enough.

He's a very wakey baby
at the minute.

[chuckles]

When do you have to head back?

Um... I need to get
the 6:00 a.m. coach

to make my 12:30 lecture.

- 6:00?
- I know.

- Luke, should you maybe--
- [raises voice] I don't...

[whispers] Sorry. I, um...

I don't want to miss
seeing him or you.

I don't want
to miss being a dad.

No, I know, Lukey,
but you're always

on the road,
and you're always exhausted.

I just wanna be
with you and Jay.

Yeah, and I understand that,
but...

maybe you should just think
about coming back a bit less.

[metal tapping]

[sighs]

[exhales deeply]

[door opens]

[toilet flushes]

[door opens]

[exhales deeply]

- [birds chirping]
- [Jackie] Did I ask you how

Paul was yesterday?

Yes. They'd been painting
Ava's room, remember?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember.
And I was staying with Holly.

That's right.

Jim, can I ask you something?

Go on.

Where am I?

We're in our flat, love.

Oh?

Yeah. The Morrison Estate one?

No, love,
our new sheltered housing.

Oh! Yes. Yes, Of course.

- How silly of me.
- Not silly at all.

We all need to know
where we are.

I got confused for a second.

I've been confused
since decimalization,

- so we're well suited.
- [sighs]

I'm not right, am I, Jim?

You'll be fine, love.
We'll get along fine.

I don't wanna see a doctor.

[Jim] We won't see a doctor.
Can't anyway.

You have to wait three weeks
at that new practice,

and then it's just a phone call.

- Thanks, Jim.
- It's all right, love.

- How's your show?
- [sighs] Dog shit. [laughs]

- But it'll do.
- Mm.

- It's the worst of both worlds.
- Yeah, it does sound rough.

I'm sorry you're having such
a difficult time, Lukey.

You're polishing off
those custard creams,

- aren't you, mate?
- Mm. I sometimes forget to eat

'cause I'm always rushing
to be somewhere.

Do you want me
to cook you something?

No, no, no. Biscuits are good.

- Sugar, syrup, fat, and salt.
- All the main nutrients.

- [chuckles]
- The thing is, I don't

really know anyone at college,
not properly,

because I'm always, you know,
I'm always coming back up here

if I'm not in tutorials
or lectures.

And then when I'm back
with Maya and Jay, it just...

it feels like I'm, you know,

I'm interrupting
their routine....

- Yeah.
- ...like I'm a hindrance

and not a help and that they're
just better off without me.

It was always gonna be
difficult, lovely,

but you're managing.

I'm not, Mum! I can't do it.

There's no way
of making this work.

I want to defer and then rejoin
the course again in...

I don't know, two years.

And between now and then,
I can get a job in London,

and I can be a proper boyfriend
and a proper dad.

Mate, you've already turned
this course down once, Luke.

They're not gonna let you
muck 'em about again.

It's worth asking, though,
isn't it?

I can't keep feeling like this.

Even if you can defer, and you
get a job with decent money,

then there's no way
that you're gonna leave that

in two years
and go back to college.

Maybe that's good!

No, it's not!
Lukey, it's not good.

This course will get you
to amazing places.

Not just making a good living,
but loving what you do.

It's what people dream of,

doing what other people
do as a hobby,

but getting paid for it.

Hey, I cansee
how difficult this is,

'cause you feel like you're
losing a bond with Jay.

- Exactly!
- Yes, but if you can

just ride out
the next three years,

then you're gonna have
so many more options.

- I can't stand it!
- No, I know.

I'm gonna ask them
if I can defer,

and if they won't let me do it,
then I'll just quit.

- No, no, no, Luke.
- Hey, mate,

you have to think
very seriously about this.

It's what I have to do, okay?
I'm sorry.

I'm gonna go to Maya's.
I'm on the coach

again in the morning.
I'll call you.

Don't do anything silly,
Luke, okay? I'm...

No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
I just... I need to go. Okay?

- Eat.
- Yeah. Proper meal.

Fucking hell.

Poor sod.

- [inhales deeply] Hon?
- Yeah.

Do you... I'm just... just
playing devil's advocate here.

Do you think it might be
for the best if he leaves?

Absolutely fucking not.
We have to stop him quitting.

Look, it's... it's
a good course. I know that.

But you know, you can't be
this miserable for three years.

But he's midway
through his first fucking term.

They'll work it out.
They just will.

And it's...
it's not just a good course.

It is outstanding.
He'd be crazy to give it up.

We're agreed on that, right?
Sure. Yeah.

Do you mean, "sure, yeah,"
as in, "not really, no"?

- We have to be realistic, hon.
- Oh, right. Do we?

Okay. Well, great. That's great.

Oh. I'll take another biscuit.

[exhales deeply]

I am taking so much shit
for just two weeks away.

This will be so good for you.

Biggest gig I've done.
Might open a few doors.

Yeah. You'll have your own salon
in a couple of years,

- middle of Mayfair.
- [laughs]

400 pound for a cut,
500 for a color,

- free cup of tea.
- But 50 pounds for a biscuit.

[laughs] Yeah.

- I'll miss you.
- I miss you, too.

- [laughs] It'll fly by.
- [chuckles]

- I'll call you tomorrow.
- Great.

[engine starts]

Bye. I love you.

Bye. Drive safe!

[doorbell rings]

- Oh, hi, Jim.
- Is Paul in, Ally?

No, he's giving Luke a lift
back up to Manchester.

- Can I come in?
- Sure.

Paul's never really talked
about his grandparents.

Well, both his granddads
died before he was born.

That was the way
it was back then,

if you were
from the class we were.

The men dipped out in their 50s.

Jackie's mum went
in her mid 60s.

- And your mum?
- She had a few more years,

but her dementia got pretty bad.

I stopped taking Paul up
to see her at the care home

'cause it worried him.

Sometimes she thought
Paul was me

and that I was her brother
or that I was me dad

or Jesus.

Difficult for an eight-year-old
to make sense of that.

Thanks, pet.

- But Jackie's not...
- Oh, no, no.

- No.
- She's nowhere near that.

But it's coming over the hill.

I can sense it.

She asked me the other day
where we were.

Now, that's different
from forgetting names

or where you've left
your glasses.

I'm so sorry, Jim.

I don't want Paul to know
because I might be wrong.

Jackie might be as right as rain
and just be a bit forgetful.

She might not have dementia

or "Old-Timer's Disease,"
as she calls it.

[chuckles]

But I wanted to tell you

that I'm gonna step up,

care for her, look after her,

learn to cook

and how to do a whites wash
in the machine

- and how duvet covers work.
- [sighs]

It'd be nice

to make up for all the crap
I put her through.

Oh, you'll do great, Jim.
You will.

But if Paul asks me
about Jackie,

I can't not tell him 'cause
we don't lie to each other.

Fair enough.

[inhales deeply]
I just don't want him frettin'.

Mm.

I understand.

A long way for him to go
to give Luke a lift.

He wanted to save Luke
from another coach journey

and to try and talk
some sense into him.

Luke's determined to defer
or quit his place,

and Paul's under strict
instructions to stop him.

You know, for an anxious boy,
Luke makes a big dent...

- [door opens]
- ...on the world, doesn't he?

I know. He does. He always has.

[door closes]

Hi, love.

Hello, Ava.

Hi, Grandad.

Is everything all right?

Fine.

I'll skedaddle.

Thanks for the tea.

Jay was up a lot
in the night last night,

and when he did go to sleep,
then I couldn't.

[scoffs] Yeah,
that's impossible, isn't it?

Like trying to meditate
on a fucking ghost train.

You still thinking
of quitting your course?

[inhales deeply]

Yeah, I've been thinking
you're right. [sighs]

They're not gonna let me defer
after everything that went on,

and, you know...

I think, yeah,
I'm just gonna quit.

You realize
how big a deal this is?

I know,
but I can't keep this up.

And I need to prioritize
Maya and Jay, and I need to...

[inhales deeply] I don't know.

You need to get it right.
I understand that.

Because you're at
the stage as a dad

where you canstill...
get it right.

But just promise me
something, please.

- What?
- [sighs]

Leave it another week
before you quit.

Just... just one week.
I wanna see if I can...

do some... [exhales deeply]

Like what?

Pull some strings.
I don't know. One string.

- Okay.
- Good. [sniffs]

[inhales deeply] I'm just gonna
close my eyes for a bit.

- Keep talking, though.
- No, go for it.

If I pop into a service station,
do not wake up and start crying.

[chuckles]

I said it ages ago,
but Holly didn't hear me.

And then... I don't know,

we were just having
a fun relationship,

and it... it didn't
seem to get said.

And she definitely
said it earlier?

Loud and clear.

And I don't know why
I couldn't say it back.

Well, do you love her?

I don't know.

I think so.

No, I do...

I think.

All this stuff is new.

I know, love.
It's difficult, isn't it?

Does it get easier
as you get older?

No, not really. [laughs]

[indistinct conversations]

Thank you.
I'll see you next time.

- Oh.
- Andrew.

- Paul, how are you?
- Thank you for meeting me.

I really appreciate it.

It's a pleasure.
It's lovely to see you.

Um... [chuckles]
you know those bastards

in politics, in the media,
who use their school connections

to get preferential treatment
and sail through life?

Those bastards. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Well, I need to briefly be
one of those bastards.

- [chuckles]
- [chuckles] 'Cause, uh, Luke,

my... my Luke, uh,
wants to defer his place

on the music production
and sound engineering course...

- Okay.
- ...for... for two years.

- Two years?
- Mm.

- Hmm. Okay.
- Um, but look, he's...

he's a new dad,
his partner lives in London,

and the whole back and forth
thing is just... I...

well, it... it's killing him,
basically.

And, uh, I just thought,
you're...

you're a really senior member
of staff here,

so maybe you could
put a word in

so he doesn't get
chucked out on his ear.

- You know what I mean?
- Yeah. Okay.

Um... [sighs]

I mean, I'm gonna need
some more details.

- Mm-hmm.
- See?

Um... shall we... go to the pub?

- We can chat it through.
- Oh, mate, lovely. Thank you.

- All right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Thanks so much. Thank you.

I'm driving, so I'll...
I'll just have a half one.

Yeah. I'm on warfarin
for a heart thing,

so I'll just be
on the pretendy lager.

[chuckles] Christ.
Do you remember living it large?

Oh, no, I only ever really lived
it small to medium, I think.

- [Paul laughs]
- [Jackie] Mmm.

Lovely bit of toast, Jim.

- Oh, thanks. I'm quite the chef.
- [laughs]

Ah! No, it's not a tree
or his long johns.

- It's the dog's ear. Right.
- Mm.

I'm looking for more
dog's ear pieces.

Mm. I'll help you.

Right. What have we got here?

Ha ha! Yes!

- What's that?
- The dog's bum, I think.

[laughs] Try it.