Original subtitles

♪ Cry, little sister ♪

♪ come to your brother ♪

♪ Thou shalt not lie ♪

♪ thou shalt not lie ♪

♪ thou shalt not kill ♪

♪ thou shalt not kill ♪♪

Woo!

Hey, go for it.

Woo!

Come on!

Come on, man!

Come on!

Pull him back, man.

Back off, man.

I told you to stay off the boardwalk.

Ok, boys, let's go.

You, too. Off the boardwalk.

Aaah!

Woo!

Aah!

Ya!

Woo!

Aaah!

Aaah!

♪ THE GENTLE RAIN ♪

♪ REMINDS ME OF ♪

♪ A LOVE I CAN'T FORGET ♪♪

Keep going.

I like that song.

Keep going, mom.

Oh, how about this?

I DON'T SEE ANY BOOGIEMEN...

♪ LIKE A CRAZY OLD SOLDIER... ♪♪

Pretty cool, mom.

You want me to switch the dial?

This jam's quite a hit.

PAIN, DISCOMFORT, MANIPULATION--

♪ ...WHENEVER WE'RE TOGETHER ♪

Wait! Wait!

Keep going.

Keep going.

♪ Groovin' on a Sunday afternoon ♪♪

Keep going.

Keep going.

Keep going. Ok.

Hey, we're almost there.

What's that smell?

Ah! That's the ocean air.

It smells like someone died.

Look, guys, I know the last year

hasn't been easy,

but I think you'll like living in Santa Carla.

♪ People are strange ♪

♪ when you're a stranger ♪

♪ faces look ugly ♪

♪ when you're alone ♪

♪ women seem wicked ♪

♪ when you're unwanted ♪

♪ streets are uneven ♪

♪ when you're down ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ faces come out of the rain ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ no one remembers your name ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ people are strange... ♪

Mom, there's an amusement park right on the beach.

Sam, tell those kids to get something to eat.

Any jobs here?

Nothing legal.

♪ Streets are uneven ♪

♪ when you're down ♪

Aah!aah!

Aah!

Aah!

♪ When you're strange ♪

♪ faces come out of the rain ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ no one remembers your name ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ yeah ♪

Wooo!

♪ When you're strange ♪

♪ faces come out of the rain ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ no one remembers your name ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪♪

Come on, nanook.

Dad?

Dad?

Looks like he's dead.

No, he's just a deep sleeper.

If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix?

Playing dead

and doing a damn good job of it, too.

Dad!

Oh, dad.

This is a pretty cool place.

YEAH, FOR THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.

Give mom a break.

What's wrong with this picture?

There's no TV.

Have you seen a TV?

When there's no TV, there's no mtv.

Sammy, we're flat broke.

Lucy, you're the only woman I know

who didn't improve her situation by getting divorced.

Yeah, I know,

but a big legal battle

wouldn't improve anybody's situation.

You know, dad,

we've all been through enough.

Anyway, I was raised better than that.

Ouch! My hair!

Ha ha ha!

Mom, you got to help me.

Soon.

Hey, guys, no running in the house!

TALK ABOUT THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.

Rules!

We got some rules around here.

Second shelf is mine.

That's where I keep my root beers

and my double-thick oreo cookies.

Nobody touches the second shelf but me.

Now, there's another rule around here,

and I want you to pay close attention.

Don't touch anything.

Grandpa, is it true

that Santa Carla is the murder capital of the world?

There are some bad elements around here.

We moved to the murder capital of the world?

Are you serious, grandpa?

Put it this way.

If all the corpses buried around here

stood up all at once,

we'd have one hell of a population problem.

Great, dad.

Now, on wednesdays,

WHEN THE MAILMAN BRINGS THE TV GUIDE,

sometimes the address label is curled up.

You'll be tempted to tear it off.

Don't. You'll only rip the cover.

And stay out of here.

Wait. You have a TV?

NO. I JUST LIKE TO READ THE TV GUIDE.

READ THE TV GUIDE, YOU DON'T NEED A TV.

♪ ...through the lies ♪

♪ through the storms ♪

♪ through the cries ♪

♪ through the wars ♪

♪ oh, I still believe ♪

♪ Still believe ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

♪ out at sea ♪

♪ hoping these waves ♪

♪ don't cover me ♪

♪ turned and tossed ♪

♪ upon the waves ♪

♪ when the darkness comes ♪

♪ I feel the grave ♪

♪ well, I still believe ♪

♪ still believe ♪

♪ through the cold ♪

♪ through the heat ♪

♪ through the rain ♪

♪ through the tears ♪

♪ through the crowds ♪

♪ through the cheers ♪

♪ oh, I still believe ♪

♪ I still believe ♪

♪ I will march this road ♪

♪ I will climb this hill ♪

♪ upon my knees if I felt the will... ♪♪

Mom! Mom! I can't find my mom.

What's the matter?

Are you lost?

Grrr!

Let's go in here.

Excuse me. This little boy's lost,

and we wondered if his mother is here.

Terry!

I was so worried.

There you are.

Thank you.

Bye, Terry.

We only come here to watch one thing.

Well done.

No, thanks.

Well...second thought.

I told you not to come in here anymore.

Wild kids.

Oh, they're just young.

We were that age, too, once.

Only they dress better. Bye-bye.

You have a generous nature. I like that.

My name's Max.

I'm Lucy.

That's my dog Thorn.

Hi, Thorn.

Say hello.

How may I help you?

We have the best selection of videotapes in Santa Carla.

No. I don't need a tape. What I need, uh, is...

A job?

Is a job.

I look that needy, huh?

Where are we going?

Nowhere.

What's the rush?

You're chasing that girl, aren't you?

I'm at the mercy of your sex glands.

Sam, don't you have something better to do

than follow me around all night?

Yeah. Actually I do.

♪ In the evening, oh ♪

♪ showdown in the north land ♪

♪ just the whiff of corruption ♪

♪ it's the tip of the iceberg ♪

♪ savor that sweet Liberty ♪

♪ and there's trouble from the south ♪

♪ shout it from the gallery ♪

♪ now I find I got to shut it out ♪♪

Got a problem, guys?

Just scoping your civilian wardrobe.

Pretty cool, huh?

For a fashion victim.

Listen, buddy, the diet frozen yogurt bar

went out of business last summer.

Actually, I'm looking for a Batman number 14.

That's a serious book.

Only five in existence.

Four, actually.

I'm always looking out for the other three.

YOU CAN'T PUT THE SUPERMAN 77s WITH THE 200s.

They haven't discovered red kryptonite yet.

YOU CAN'T PUT THE 98s WITH THE 300s.

Lori lemaris hasn't even been introduced.

Where are you from? Krypton?

Phoenix, actually.

But lucky me-- we moved...Here.

Take this.

I don't like horror comics.

You'll like this one, Mr. Phoenix.

It could save your life.

Hey!

Hey, those guys took our comics!

Stop them!

♪ Beauty has her way ♪

♪ Beauty has her way ♪♪

Come on. She stiffed you.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Arrr!

What was that?

What?

I thought I heard something.

What is it?

Aaah!

Aah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

How do you like that baby?

It's a beauty.

Let's get in.

Can I drive on the way back?

Nobody drives this baby but me.

Yeah.

You got to let it warm up.

Yeah. You hear that, Sam?

Just like a baby pussycat.

Ok. Let's go to town.

All right!

Are we having fun?

I thought we were going to town.

That's as close to town as I like to get.

NOTICE ANYTHING UNUSUAL ABOUT SANTA CARLA YET?

No. It's a pretty cool place...

If you're a martian.

Or a vampire.

Are you guys sniffing old newsprint?

You think you know

what's happening around here.

You don't know shit, buddy.

Yeah. You think we work in a comic-book store for our folks.

Actually, I thought it was a bakery.

This is just our cover.

We're dedicated to a higher purpose.

We're fighters for truth, justice,

and the American way.

Right.

Hey, man...

Read this.

I told you. I don't like horror comics.

Think of it as a survival manual.

There's our number on the back,

and pray you never need to call us.

I'll pray...

I never need to call you.

Sure.

♪ Mary, Mary, you're on my mind ♪

♪ before she's gone, the pleasure will be mine ♪

It looks great. Definitely.

Enjoy it.

Thanks.

Bye.

♪ 'Cause I feel good tonight ♪

♪ and everything's gonna be right, right, right, yeah ♪

♪ I'm gonna have a good time tonight ♪

It won't hurt.

♪ Rock 'n' roll music gonna play all night ♪

It's a rip-off.

♪ Only take a minute just to sing my song ♪♪

Hi.

If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it.

What's your name?

Star.

Your folks, too.

What do you mean?

Ex-hippies. I came this close

to being called moonbeam or something like that.

But star is great.

I like star.

Me, too.

I'm Michael.

Michael. Michael's great. I like Michael.

You want to get something to eat?

Ok.

Where are you going?

For a ride.

This is Michael.

Let's go.

Star.

You know where Hudson's bluff is

overlooking the point?

I can't beat your bike.

You don't have to beat me.

You just have to try and keep up.

We're going for a ride.

Ya hoo!

Aha!

♪ Sail on through the night ♪

♪ lost in the shadows ♪

♪ sail on through the night ♪

♪ lost in the lonely abyss ♪

♪ sail on through the night ♪

♪ lost in the shadows... ♪

Whoo!

♪ I can't wait ♪

♪ I can't wait, no ♪

♪ when I see your light ♪

♪ in the shadows ♪

♪ come with us tonight ♪

♪ sun gets higher ♪

♪ I don't know what this madness means ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ sail on through the night ♪

♪ lost in the shadows ♪

♪ sail on through the night ♪

♪ lost in the... ♪♪

Come on!

Come on, Michael!

What are you doing?

No!

Just you!

Come on! Just you!

Come on. Just you.

How far are you willing to go, Michael?

Ha ha!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Get the rock box, bud.

Not bad, huh?

This was the hottest resort in Santa Carla

about 85 years ago.

Too bad they built it on the fault.

In 1906, when the big one hit San Francisco,

the ground opened up, and this place took a header

right into the crack.

So now it's ours.

So check it out, Mikey.

Marko, food.

That's what I love about this place.

You ask, and then you get.

Thank you.

Appetizer?

You'll like it here, Michael.

10:00. Lights out.

Did you brush your teeth?

Uh-huh.

Night.

Mom.

Oh. Sorry.

I can never sleep with the closet open either,

not even a crack.

This is a terrible thing to admit,

but I think one of the reasons I divorced your father

was because he never believed in the closet monster.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Dad!

You shouldn't sneak up on people.

Brought you something to dress up your room.

How do you like that?

Thanks, grandpa.

Dad, really, you shouldn't have.

Yeah. Lots more where he come from.

Good night, grandpa.

Lights out.

As soon as I finish this comic, ok?

Night-night, honey.

Good night, mom.

You're history, buddy.

Feeding time!

Come and get it, boys.

All right!

Chinese. Good choice.

Over here, bud.

Guests first.

No. No, thanks.

You don't like rice?

Tell me, Michael,

how could a billion Chinese be wrong?

Come on.

How are those maggots?

Ha ha ha!

Maggots. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?

Leave him alone.

Pretty sad.

Sorry about that.

No hard feelings, huh?

No.

Try some noodles.

Ha ha ha!

They're worms.

No.

Don't eat--

they're only noodles.

Nice worms.

That's enough.

Chill out, girl.

Give him the wine.

Drink some of this, Michael.

Be one of us.

Michael, Michael...

Don't. You don't have to, Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

Michael, Michael...

It's blood.

Michael, Michael...

Yeah, sure. Blood.

Michael.

Bravo!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Whoo hoo hoo!

Give me a ride, Marko.

Michael! Michael!

Michael! Michael!

Michael! Michael!

You're one of us, bud.

Let the good times roll!

Michael! Michael! Michael!

♪ Thou shalt not lie ♪

♪ thou shalt not lie ♪

♪ thou shalt not kill ♪

♪ thou shalt not kill ♪♪

MICHAEL, MICHAEL...

Perfect timing.

What's going on?

Michael wants to know what's going on.

Ha ha ha!

Marko, what's going on?

I don't know.

What's going on, Paul?

Michael wants to know.

I think we should let Michael know what's going on.

Yeah.

Marko?

Good night, Michael.

Bombs away!

Bottoms up, man.

Whoo!

Come with us, Michael.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Yee hoo!

Michael!

Michael Emerson!

Come on down!

Yeah!

Come on, Michael!

Yay, Michael!

Welcome aboard, Michael!

Fun, huh?

Hold on!

Jesus Christ!

Yeah!

Christ!

Don't be scared!

Aah!

Aah!

Michael, you're one of us!

Let go!

Onto what?

You are one of us, Michael!

David!

Michael! Michael!

Michael! Michael!

MICHAEL.

MICHAEL.

HA HA HA!

Michael! Michael!

Aaaah!

Aaaaah!

Aaaah!

AAAAAH!

Mike!

Wake up.

It's mom.

Mom's home?

On the phone.

What time is it?

It's 2:00.

Give me those sunglasses.

You need them to talk on the phone?

Are you free-basing?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Ooh!

Hello.

Are you still in bed?

No. I'm up.

Would you do me a favor?

Max asked me to dinner.

Would you stay with Sam?

Sam is old enough to stay by himself.

Hey, I don't need a babysitter.

You come home late at night. You sleep all day.

I work all day. Sam is always alone.

It's been a long time since somebody asked me out.

Ok?

Ok, mom.

Thanks, honey. It's a real favor. Bye-bye.

Hey, anything around here

that might pass for after-shave?

How about some windex, grandpa?

Let me try some.

Yeah.

You have a big date tonight, grandpa?

Yeah.

I'm dropping by some of my handiwork to the widow Johnson.

What did you stuff for her? Mr. Johnson?

Yeah, well, I'll see you two guys later.

That wasn't funny, Mike!

I'm gonna make you a sandwich.

Don't bother.

Lose the earring. It's definitely not you.

Piss off.

All you do is give attitude.

BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH DYNASTY?

What the hell--

MICHAEL! MICHAEL! MICHAEL!

HA HA HA HA!

MICHAEL! MICHAEL!

No, Mike!

Mike, don't open the door! Mike!

Mike, don't!

What's going on, Mike?

Go take your bath.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Uhh!

♪ I ain't got no home ♪

♪ no place to roam ♪

♪ I'm a lonely boy ♪

♪ I ain't got a home ♪

♪ I've got a voice ♪

♪ and I love to sing ♪

♪ I sing like a girl ♪

♪ and I sing like a boy ♪

♪ yeah, I'm a lonely boy ♪

♪ I ain't got a home ♪

♪ woo woo woo woo woo woo ♪

♪ woo woo woo woo woo woo ♪

♪ woo woo woo woo woo woo ♪

♪ Woo woo woo woo woo woo ♪

♪ woo woo woo woo woo woo ♪

♪ I ain't got a man ♪

♪ I ain't got a son ♪

♪ I ain't got a daughter ♪

♪ I ain't got no one ♪

♪ I'm a lonely girl ♪

♪ I ain't got a home ♪♪

Mike?

Michael, you there?

Nanook?

Michael?

Michael, what happened?

Nanook.

What about nanook?

What did you do?

Nothing. He bit me.

It's my blood.

What did you do to him?

He was protecting you.

Look at your reflection in the mirror.

You're a creature of the night, like in comic books.

You're a vampire.

My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire!

You wait till mom finds out, buddy!

Sam, wait! Sam!

Just stay back!

Let me talk!

Sam!

Sam!

Get away from me!

Open the door!

Sam!

Come on, open the door, Sammy!

Sammy, open the door!

Sam!

Easy.

You did the right thing.

Does your brother sleep much?

All day.

Does sunlight freak him out?

He wears sunglasses in the house.

Bad breath? Long fingernails?

His fingernails are a bit longer.

He always had bad breath.

He's a vampire, all right.

Ok. Here's what you do.

Get yourself a sharp stake.

Drive it right through his heart.

I can't do that!

We'll do it.

No!

You get yourself a garlic t-shirt,

or it's your funeral.

Uh! Uhh!

Aah! Oh!

Hello?

Is everything all right?

We have to have a talk about something.

Help!

What's going on there?

Sam, I'm starting to worry.

What's that noise? That's not Michael.

Who's screaming like that?

Now, we should stay calm.

Calm? Calm about what?

Nothing. Nothing.

Who's making that noise?

I can't talk now. It's about Michael.

Don't listen. He doesn't know what he's saying.

Aah!

He'll get me!

Oh, my god!

Sam!

He'll kill me!

Honey, I'm coming!

He's flying outside the house!

No! No! Mom!

Open up!

Stay back!

Sammy, help me!

Help!

Open the window!

You're a vampire!

No!

Are you the flying nun?

I'm your brother, Sammy. Help me.

Sammy! Open up!

Please.

Please!

Thanks, Sam.

We've got to stick together, Sam.

We've got to stick together, bro.

What about mom?

Just don't tell her anything.

It's not like getting a "d" in school or something.

We'll work this out.

You trust me, ok, Sam?

Ok.

Sam! Sam!

Sam! Sam, are you all right?

Oh, you had me scared to death.

I'm ok, mom.

I was reading a horror comic.

I got carried away.

By a comic book?

It was a scary comic, mom. I'm sorry.

You know, I've just about had it

with the both of you.

You know that?

What is this mess?

You spill milk and don't even clean it up?

I didn't spill it, mom.

The refrigerator is wide open!

It's unfair. I want a personal life, too.

Where's Michael?

He went to bed early, mom.

Could I sleep in here with you tonight?

In here?

You sure you're all right?

It was a real scary comic, that's all.

You been eating pizza?

No. Why?

Whew! You smell like garlic.

Who's there?

Hello, Thorn.

Is that you, Thorn, making that noise?

Star!

Star!

I'm over here, Michael.

What's happening to me, star?

Michael.

What's happening to me, star?

Oh, Michael.

Michael, I can't tell you.

I don't know how to help you.

What's happening?

I can't.

I can't.

♪ The last fire will rise ♪

♪ behind those eyes ♪

♪ black house will rock ♪

♪ blind boys don't lie ♪

♪ immortal fear ♪

♪ that voice so clear ♪

♪ through broken walls ♪

♪ that scream I hear ♪

♪ cry, little sister ♪

♪ thou shalt not fall ♪

♪ come, come to your brother ♪

♪ thou shalt not lie ♪

♪ unchain me, sister ♪

♪ thou shalt not sleep ♪

♪ love is with your brother ♪

♪ thou shalt not kill ♪♪

Aren't we friends anymore?

Sure.

Sure. Does that mean, um, we are, or, uh...

We are.

Then let's act like friends. Let's talk.

Michael, take off your glasses.

Michael, look at me.

If--if there's a girl...

We could talk--

I'm tired, mom.

We could talk about anything you wanted.

There's things I'm dealing with that you can't--

things I wouldn't understand?

Hey...

I wasn't the only one got lucky.

Ha ha ha!

Did you take care of everything?

What's the wine for?

My apology to Max for leaving last night,

WHICH YOU SHOULD BE MAKING.

Mom.

Honey, I better bring this up to the house.

All right. I'll be here.

Hi, Thorn.

Oh!

Sam! Sam!

Sam! Oh, Sam!

Mom!

Oh, god!

No, Thorn, no!

Ow! Thorn, no! Ow!

Sam, help me!

Oh!

Are you ok?

Oh, my god!

Honey, get in the car!

Get in the car!

So then the dog started chasing my mom like the hounds of hell.

We've been aware of some serious vampire activity

in this town for a long time.

We're almost certain ghouls and werewolves

occupy high positions at city hall.

Kill your brother. You'll feel better.

Look, guys. My brother's not a bloodsucker.

It says if you kill the head vampire,

all half-vampires will return to normal.

If my brother's a vampire, he's only half.

Does your brother know who the head vampire is?

No.

Then you'll have to kill him,

and if you don't, then we will.

This all started

when my mom went to work

at Max's video store.

Max comes home after dark.

The dog who chased my mom was his,

and listen to this.

"Vampires require a daytime protector

"to watch them as they sleep.

The hounds of hell are often employed for this purpose."

No shit.

What happens if my mom dates the head vampire?

You guys can nail him and save Santa Carla.

Truth, justice, the American way triumphs,

thanks to you two.

We'll check out Max.

Sam?

Hey...

Smells good. When do we eat?

I told Max 8:00.

Max? We got to have company again?

Again? You haven't had company

since mom died eight years ago.

Right. Now we're having company again.

Max is coming to dinner.

Please meet him.

I have plans.

Oh, Michael, you know, things will change

around this house when school starts.

Hey.

How you doing?

You must be Michael.

And you must be Max.

Right. How are you?

You're the man of the house.

I'm not coming in till you invite me.

You're invited.

Thanks very much.

Hello.

Hi! I didn't hear you.

Can the guest see the food before dinner?

You're thinking of the groom

not seeing the bride before the wedding.

I always get those confused.

Um...thorn sends his apologies.

Well, tell him I'm walking again.

He promises to behave if you come back.

Oh, well, that's...Sweet.

Mom?

These are my dinner guests--

Edgar and Alan, the frog brothers.

Oh, I didn't know you were having guests.

We can eat peanut butter in the kitchen.

No. There's plenty for everybody.

Max, this is my son Sam

and Edgar and Alan...Frog?

Mmm.

Mmm.

Lucy, this looks terrific.

Well, I hope it tastes good.

Mmm! It's wonderful.

Mmm! Boy!

Somebody around here has bad breath!

Nanook, would you quit breathing on me?

Nanook, get upstairs! Go on!

You want some parmesan cheese on that?

Uh, yeah, Sam. Thank you very much.

Sam grated the cheese himself.

Oh.

My son.

Another budding chef in the family.

Are you all right?

Mm-hmm.

It's not cheese, it's garlic.

I bet you hate garlic, don't you?

NO, I LIKE GARLIC. IT'S JUST A LITTLE MUCH.

It's raw garlic.

Garlic? How did that happen?

Guys, he likes garlic.

Here, quick! Drink some water!

Wait a minute!

What's the matter with you?

Does it burn?

Burn? Are you nuts? It's freezing!

Oh, look at your suit and your pants.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

Now what?

Must be a circuit breaker.

He's not glowing.

I know. Hit the lights.

Aah!

Sam, what has gotten into you tonight?

I think I know.

You do?

Yeah.

I know what you're thinking, Sam, but you're wrong.

I'm not trying to replace your father

or steal your mother away from you.

I would just like to be your friend.

Good night, Lucy.

Thanks a lot.

I'm sorry, mom.

Max, I'm so sorry.

Major mistake.

Our batting average isn't terrific-- 0 for 2.

You were so sweet to him.

I don't know what got into him.

Kids Sam's age need discipline.

Otherwise they run all over you.

He doesn't run over me.

Protecting mother.

Well...

Listen, uh, let's try it once more--

dinner, my house, tomorrow night.

I'M COOKING.

Ok.

Bye.

Aah! Aah!

Hey, whoa!

Where is she?

Heh heh heh!

Take it easy, Michael.

Where's star, David?

Michael, you ever want to see star again,

you better come with us now.

Ha ha ha!

Yeah.

Walk this way!

Talk this way!

Michael, over here.

Come on, Michael.

You don't want to miss this.

Ha ha ha!

Initiation's over, Michael.

It's time to join the club.

Heh heh heh!

Ha ha ha!

Hi, Michael.

Aah!

Aah!

Michael!

Aaagh!

Arrrgh!

Owhh--

aaagh!

Ha ha! Michael!

Michael! Ha ha ha!

Aoo!

Michael!

Aah!

Come on, Michael!

No!

No!

So...

Now you know what we are,

AND NOW YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

You'll never grow old, Michael,

and you'll never die.

But you must feed.

Heh heh heh!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ah! Aah!

I wish grandpa would stop giving me these stupid things.

Aah!

It's ok. I know who I am now, Sam.

Don't kill me, Mike.

I'm basically a good kid.

I can help you.

Just tell me who the head vampire is.

It's not Max. I was wrong.

Work with me. I can help. You'll be ok.

Michael! Michael!

It's that girl. Is she one of them?

Can I come up?

No! You shut the window

and lock your door.

She's one of them!

Don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person!

You know where David took me tonight, don't you?

Who's David?

Yes. It's my fault.

If we hadn't met... If I hadn't liked you...

I tried to warn you.

It was that night in the cave.

That wasn't wine they gave me. It was blood--

David's blood.

You drank someone's blood? Are you crazy?

I'm just like David now, star.

You're like laddie and me. We're not like them--

until you make your first kill!

Why didn't you kill me last night?

You're supposed to be my first.

That's what David wanted.

But I couldn't, Michael.

Why?

Because you care so much about me?

Yes, I do.

What are you doing here? What do you want from me?

I wanted to tell you that it's not too late for you,

but for me it gets harder and harder to resist.

I'm weak.

Why did you come here tonight, star?

I was hoping you'd help laddie and me.

Star!

Don't kill anybody until we get back to you!

What are you doing?

I got connections.

Ok. Where's nosferatu?

The prince of darkness.

The night crawler, the bloodsucker.

EL VAMPIRO.

Mike! They're here!

Hey, grandpa!

Is it ok if we borrow your car?

Weapons check.

I don't want you going there.

Well, I'm going.

This isn't a comic book.

These guys are brutal killers.

So are the frog brothers.

Check me.

Would you rather go with, them or me?

I won't have the strength to protect you.

This time I'll protect you, bud.

Even though you're a vampire,

you're still my brother.

Listen! If you try to stop us

or vamp out at all,

I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it!

Chill out, Edgar.

Yeah. Come on.

Where did you meet these guys?

Holy shit!

Vampire hotel!

Here's one! Come on, let's stake her, man!

Don't you touch her! You stay away from her!

Come on! Vampires have rotten tempers!

Star...

The rest got to be around here someplace.

Let's find them!

Star?

I'm taking you out of here.

No. Take laddie first, please.

I feel a draft! Something's here!

Let's check it out, Sam.

Come on!

Let's go!

I'll be right back, Mike!

I hope.

Come on, Sam! Let's go!

Move, Alan, move!

Ahh! Ugh! Yuck!

Flies!

We're on the right trail.

Flies and the undead go together like bullets and guns.

Come on!

What's that smell?

Vampires, my friend.

Vampires.

Come on!

It's freezing in here.

Ahh!

Guys, looks like a dead end. Let's head back.

Their coffins must be here someplace.

There's nothing here. Let's go, guys, huh?

Jesus!

Aah!

Shit!

Oh, shit.

Aah!

I thought they were supposed to be in coffins.

That's what this cave is-- one giant coffin!

They're at their most vulnerable.

Easy pickings.

You just have to kill the leader.

We don't know which one he is. We'll kill them all.

We'll start with the little one.

First come, first staked.

Was that a little vampire humor?

It wasn't funny.

Oh, my god.

No! Don't even...

Good night, bloodsucker.

No!

Oaghh!

Aah!

Aggh!

Aah!

God damn it!

You're dead meat!

Let's get out of here!

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! Get out! Run!

Rrrgh!

Ohh! Aah!

Run! Run! Go! Get out of here! Run!

Come on!

Run!

Rrrgh!

Aah aah!

Grab his leg!

Rrrgh!

Get him into the light!

Aah!

Get him into the light! Into the sun!

Get him into the sunlight!

Aah!

Get him into the sunlight!

Get him into the sunlight!

Rrrgh!

Aah! Aggh!

Ohh! Ahh! Aggh!

Rrrggh!

Tonight.

Heh heh heh!

Mike, start the car!

Mike!

Mike!

Start the car! Mike!

Mike!

We blew it, man!

Shut up!

We unraveled before the enemy!

It's not our fault! They talked!

I'll drive.

We don't ride with vampires.

Fine. Stay here.

We do now.

Yeah.

Come on! Sam, let's get out of here!

Burn rubber!

Aah!

Aah!

Christ!

Burn rubber does not mean warp speed!

Cool it, nanook!

Your dog knows a flesh-eater when he smells one.

Take him outside, Sam.

Come on, nanook.

Michael!

You know the rule about filling up the car with gas

when you take it without asking?

No, grandpa.

Well, now you do.

We blew plan "a".

Activate plan "b".

What's plan "b"?

We don't have one yet.

The sun will set. They'll be looking for us.

Mom!

What are you doing with a--

I got to tell you something important!

Santa Carla's crawling with vampires!

Excuse me.

Edgar staked him! It was horrible!

There's evidence on my sweater.

You got to tell someone!

This isn't funny.

They're coming to the house when it's dark!

Ok. Stop it! Right now!

Mom--

not another word.

I'm going to see Max tonight.

You're trying to ruin it.

I'm not!

There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why--

I'm not talking about Max, ok? The hell with Max!

I'll deal with you later, young man.

Mom--

no!

We're on our own.

That's the way we like it.

...the son, and the holy spirit.

Grandpa, the widow Johnson said to pick her up

at 7:00 instead of 8:00.

We got a date tonight?

I guess. She said not to be late.

Well...i better get cleaned up then, huh?

Let's go, let's go, come on!

Die, Mr. Vampire!

Let's go! Come on, come on!

They'll be coming for laddie and me, won't they?

They'll be coming for all of us.

Laddie, wake up.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Oh, it's delicious.

Thank you.

Aah!

Thorn, stop that!

Ha ha!

What's the matter?

Oh, just old memories coming back.

No, seriously. Why are you so jumpy tonight?

Well, Sam came into the store--

you know, it was just a kid's imagination, I'm sure,

but he seemed so sincere.

It's insane.

Tell me. I promise not to laugh. Honest.

I should warn you all,

when a vampire buys it, it's never a pretty sight.

No two bloodsuckers go out the same way.

Some scream, some explode, some implode,

but all will try to take you with them.

Nanook! I left him outside!

Don't go out there! Stop him!

Sam!

Sam, come back!

Sam, come back!

Sam, get back here!

Nanook!

Come on.

Michael!

No!

Michael, get him!

Mike!

Hurry!

Michael, hurry!

Hurry, Michael!

Michael, they're coming!

Hurry!

Hurry!

Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Let's go!

They're coming!

Take them upstairs!

Come on, move it! Move it!

Come on.

Ha ha ha!

I say we terminate them right now.

Laddie, run!

Hey!

Aah!

You're mine!

You killed Marko!

You're next!

YOU'RE NEXT!

Ah ha ha!

Garlic don't work, boys!

Try holy water, death breath!

Aah!

Aah!aah!

Aah!

Aah!aah!

Oh, my god!

Aah!

Mike! Mike!

Mike, Mike! Mike, wake up.

Ha ha ha!

Whoah!

Aah!

Ha ha ha! You missed, sucker.

Only once, pal.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Death by stereo.

Come on.

What the hell?

Come on!

Aah!

Ha ha ha!

Aah!

Hey, shh! It's me.

Are you ok?

I nailed one with a bow and arrow.

We trashed the one that looks like twisted sister.

We annihilated his night-stalking ass.

Well, nanook helped a little.

Death to all vampires!

Maximum body count.

We are awesome monster bashers.

The meanest!

The baddest!

Aah!aah!

Aah!

Holy shit! It's the attack of Eddie munster!

Get him!

Get away from him! Stay away!

He's just a little boy.

Aah! Grrr!

Yaah!

Ha ha ha!

You afraid to face me, David?

Huh?

Come on.

I tried to make you immortal.

You tried to make me a killer!

Ha ha ha!

YOU ARE A KILLER.

My turn.

Stop fighting me.

I don't want to kill you.

Join us.

Never!

It's too late. My blood's in your veins.

So is mine!

Aah!

No!

♪ Thou shall not fall ♪

♪ thou shall not lie ♪

♪ thou shall not kill ♪

♪ thou shall not kill ♪♪

Michael!

Mike!

Don't let them see me like this.

Michael!

Get away, Sam.

Mike, what's wrong?

I said get away!

What's the big deal? You destroyed the head vampire.

It's all over.

Nothing's changed.

He's right.

I don't feel any different.

Then there's still one more.

Sam! Michael!

I'll handle mom. Come on.

Don't let her see the bodies.

Sam?

What's happened?

I think we have to have a heavy conversation.

Wait. I think I should explain.

What happened to your face?

Remember the food fight Michael and I got into?

I don't want to hear another word from you

until I talk to Michael.

I'm sorry, Lucy.

This is all my fault.

David and my boys misbehaved,

but I told you, boys need a mother.

Max, what are you talking about?

I knew it. You're the head vampire!

Sam.

You're the secret that David was protecting.

Mm-hmm.

Who's this?

But you passed the test.

Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, silly boy.

It renders you powerless.

Did you know that?

Of course. Everyone knows that.

Has everyone gone crazy? What's the matter with you?

It was you I was after all along, Lucy.

What?

I knew that if I got Sam and Michael into the family,

you couldn't say no.

Where's Michael?

It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy.

Just like one big happy family.

Your boys... And my boys.

Great! The bloodsucking Brady bunch.

But I still want you, Lucy.

I haven't changed my mind about that.

I didn't invite you this time.

Michael.

Michael, no!

Michael!

Aaugh!

Don't you touch my mother!

Oh, Sam!

Sam.

Don't fight, Lucy.

It's so much better if you don't fight.

Mom, don't!

Mom, don't do it, mom!

Don't!

Sam.

Mom, no!

Sam!

No!

Jesus!

You ok?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We kicked their ass, man.

It's over.

Star! Star!

Oh, laddie.

Is everybody ok?

Oh, Michael.

You ok?

Michael, oh!

My sons.

Oh, my boys.

How much you think we should charge?

Dad!

Dad?

Dad, are you all right?

One thing about living in Santa Carla

I never could stomach--

all the damn vampires.

♪ People are strange ♪

♪ when you're a stranger ♪

♪ faces look ugly ♪

♪ when you're alone ♪

♪ women seem wicked ♪

♪ when you're unwanted ♪

♪ streets are uneven ♪

♪ when you're down ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ faces come out of the rain ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ no one remembers your name ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ When you're strange ♪

♪ faces come out of the rain ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ no one remembers your name ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪

♪ when you're strange ♪♪

♪ I can't light ♪

♪ no more of your darkness ♪

♪ all my pictures ♪

♪ seem to fade to black and white ♪

♪ I'm growing tired ♪

♪ and time stands still before me ♪

♪ frozen here ♪

♪ on the ladder of my life ♪

♪ Too late ♪

♪ to stop myself from falling ♪

♪ I took a chance ♪

♪ and changed your way of life ♪

♪ But you misread ♪

♪ my meaning when I met you ♪

♪ closed the door ♪

♪ and left me blinded by the light ♪

♪ don't let the sun go down on me ♪

♪ don't let the sun ♪

♪ although I've searched myself ♪

♪ it's always someone else I see ♪

♪ I'd just allow a fragment of your life ♪

♪ to wander free ♪

♪ And losing everything ♪

♪ is like the sun going down on me ♪♪