Original subtitles

You found our mother and you didn't tell me.

- Hello, Emma. - I didn't know she was coming.

She just turned up today!

What should I call you?

Let's go with Nanna Helen.

Has anyone seen Bobby?

No.

Joan was just worried about you.

What's gonna happen, Henry? Am I gonna die?

Can you see me?

She's hiding something.

25 years of something?

Where's Robbie?

I just thought you'd be sorry.

Let's go for a drive.

Helen. Ah. You've come home.

? Like a snake calling on the phone

? I've got no time to be alone

? There's someone coming at me all the time

? Yeah, babe, I think I'll lose my mind

? 'Cause I'm stranded on my own

? Stranded far from home

? Alright

? Stranded. ?

Oh, thanks. Cinnamon's kiss.

A dusty-pink blusher that's designed to give the impression of pure calm.

You need some of that.

Yearning for Desire?

Thank you.

You know when the man you love

whispers naughty somethings in your ear

and your cheeks flush pink?

We bottled it.

Wow.

Don't be sky. Try it on.

Let's see what this desperado powder looks like on you.

Sweep upwards, sweetheart.

Let the powder settle on her cheekbones

like fresh snow on a mountain top.

Fresh snow on a mountain top.

She's a natural. I feel tickled by an angel.

Today you're a make-up assistant.

Tomorrow you could be standing next to me at the casino.

- Thanks, Nanna. - Aw!

I loved my grandmother.

She taught me all her tricks, bless her soul.

Did she die?

Mmm. But she lives on through me.

Because I inherited her extraordinary sense of smell.

She had the most extraordinary olfactory talents.

Suzy smells like peonies

with a distinct layer of clinical peppermint.

I like peony oil.

And, uh... toothpaste.

Mm-hm.

Jonquil favours Issey Miyake, original scent.

Helen is a mix of cigarettes and lavender.

Rita - Scotch and dusty playing cards.

And dear little Verity.

You smell like cereal.

Corn Flakes and soy milk, specifically.

I'm allergic to cows' milk.

Amazing.

What do I smell like?

You smell like curried eggs.

I was really hungry.

This is what you've been up to all afternoon, is it?

You look hot.

I might see you later.

Ladies.

Waiting for an invitation?

I'm dying to join them. It sounds fabulous.

Well, it's not.

See, this is what he keeps doing - spitting.

He won't let us pass.

Maybe you should listen to him.

What's going on, Potter?

That's not like you.

Yeah, that's better. Nice.

Can you... see me?

Hey, hey, hey!

Oh, Shoo!

Oh... Call me for refills, ladies. Alright?

Thanks, Rita. It was lovely.

Bye.

Come on, Viv, darling. Let's cha-cha.

You look gorgeous.

I just bought a bottle of Desire for $25.

What, are you going out? No. In.

Up?

You looked like you were having fun.

Why don't we, um, go up?

Wow.

Good to see you're finally making an effort.

I've actually got to cook dinner.

Yeah. I'll see you up there.

Could you try and behave yourself, please?

Oh! Zac.

Is everything alright?

People don't wait on the stairs enough.

Well, the, um... invention of the escalator probably...

had something to do with that.

Elvis let me in.

I wanted you to be the first to read this.

Oh! It's finished!

Yes.

And no.

Not yet.

I...I'd rather not say.

See what you think.

Wow.

It's heavy.

Thick.

I'd, uh, really like your feedback, Suze - good or bad.

Sure. But, uh, don't be mean.

Uh, or... pedantic or niggly.

I...I really hate niggly.

Oh, should I mark any spelling mistakes?

There's one here. Well, that's niggly.

And pedantic. So...

But if you see one, please, mark it.

Mmm. I love a red pen.

Thanks for that.

Bye.

Enjoy.

It's, uh, always awkward when you say goodbye to someone

and the... the elevator doesn't arrive.

I'll go upstairs. Thank you.

Do women go for me?

Yes.

Some do.

I'd day quite a few.

Hello, Darren.

Ah. What now, Mr Mallet?

How long have you been playing this stupid game?

The world bores me. You bore me.

I bore myself.

- Was I in a band? - Yes.

Look, I need to know where Joan is.

Joan, Joan, Joan...

Joan Dart. You know who I'm talking about.

So she was here a week ago and now she's not here.

She's not the only one.

Look, Joan was making a list of all the ghosts that have gone missing.

I need to see that list.

Oh, this is amusing to you, is it?

It's just so incredibly boring.

Eternity. You've no idea. Am I English?

Yes.

Am I John Lennon?

No.

OK. My turn. Oh, let me finish.

These are your rules. New rules.

I'm starting to get a sense of eternity. You're out, Dazza. Face it.

Did I overdose? You fell off a ferry.

He's not even dead. Hmm?

Dickheads.

Where do you really think Joan is?

There are other ghosts missing too.

As long as you stay out of the human world till this blows over,

you got nothing to worry about.

And then, one day, the old queen fell asleep.

Was she dead?

No. Asleep.

Hmm.

Then a long, long time passed

until, finally, she woke up from her slumber.

And do you know what day it was?

Wednesday.

You and I both know she woke up on a Wednesday.

But she didn't know what day it was.

Or what year it was.

She had spirited years and years away and she didn't know where she was

or who she was.

What does 'spirited' mean, Nanna?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Have you seen her ears? She's got the tiniest little ears.

So... lobey.

Penelope.

You really like her, don't you?

Do you think our star signs are compatible,

even though I'm, you know, dead?

You may not have a body but you've still got your... pizazz.

Pizazz. Yeah.

How do you spell it?

P-I-Z-A-Z-Z. It's a good word.

Hmm. Pizazz!

Could you maybe have dinner with her one night here?

No!

I didn't know how to interrupt.

I was just... thinking about that party this afternoon

and I was just thinking "No, I can't believe it.

Believe what?

Oh, just how little I know about my new dental assistant Penelope.

And that is not on.

So I was just giving myself a damn good talking-to.

Oh, pineapple donut!

Bed already?

Hmm. Yeah. Happen to be enjoying myself.

You're sitting up in bed at 8:30 in the evening reading a dental magazine?

Rock on.

Oh, right.

I wasn't gonna tell you until I'd finished it

but now I'm not sure I can finish it.

Yeah. How far in are you?

I'm a speed reader.

Chapter? Five.

Amsterdam.

You've slept with a lot of women.

Um, define 'a lot'.

Um, more than 10.

Obviously one person's 'a lot' is another person's 'fuck-all'.

You could fill a stadium full

with the amount of women you've slept with.

That is an exaggeration.

That is a quote from this book - that you wrote.

Is it? Oh.

Look, Suze, you know, I just... I probably just got lucky.

Lucky? You were more than lucky.

You were like that special upside down sticky tape for insects.

But for women.

Cockroach tape?

I don't know why you're smiling.

Suze, come on. I'm not gonna lie to you.

They were... they were good times.

Very different times. Eugh... cockroach tape.

What are you freakin' out about?!

How many men have you slept with?

Six.

Six?

Yeah. Actually, five. I don't want to count one.

Five.

And I suppose you can name all five of them, can you,

'cause they meant something?

Is that meant to make me feel better or worse?

Morning, my love.

Penelope?

Oh, my God.

Oh... Morning!

You're up early. Oh, I couldn't sleep much.

Me neither.

I really need a coffee.

Where are you up to? I'm gonna go for a run.

Up to, in the life of Henry Mallet.

Um... oh, well, you just gave it to me last night.

Did you read the introduction? Yes.

And...?

Um... I really enjoyed it.

Any thoughts?

It was a good introduction.

Morning, mother-in-law.

Oh. I used to have a jacket just like that one...

till Marc Bolan stole it off me.

Helen?

Creepy.

You're late.

Oh, I didn't realise we'd made a definitive time.

No problem. We can make up for it at the end.

The end of what?

The end of... tea.

Oh, your apartment has such a lovely feeling about it.

Well, I'm glad you brought up feelings, actually.

What do you and Suzy talk about?

Oh, well, um... I guess I'm...

just trying to find out what kind of person she is.

She's mad.

You've figured that out by now, haven't you?

Does she talk to herself a lot?

She's got no friends.

Oh, I can relate to that.

Can you relate to me?

Yes.

Oh.

What do we have in common?

Well, you've inherited my bottom.

You're not taking this seriously.

Oh. What are you up to? I saw something move.

A cockroach? Me.

It was the most horrible thing I've ever seen.

What? No, it wasn't, Penelope. It was me.

I scrubbed down the whole surgery, thinking it was just grubby marks,

but I can't erase what I saw from my mind.

It was abhorrent. It was terrifying.

Were you like this about Henry when you first saw him? Shh.

Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh. Just calm down.

I saw Jean Dart's sister, Doctor.

I'm sure of it. They look exactly the same.

You saw Joan Dart?

She was in a lot of pain.

She was moaning.

She was a ghost.

That's impossible. Joan wasn't here. I've been here all morning.

You've inhaled a lot of Spray n' Wipe.

She died right here, didn't she? In this chair.

Mm-hm.

Fresh air. I think you need to go for a walk and get some fresh air.

I'm sorry, Doctor.

I'll just take five minutes.

I'll walk her to the edge of the building.

Good idea. It was your idea.

Oh. Good idea nonetheless.

Joan?

Joan?

Why do you sleep at Suzy's when you have your own house?

My house reminds me of a time in my life

that I'm not ready to revisit.

Too many memories.

Secrets?

Plus, it's very dusty.

Painful secrets.

No. Happy ones.

My happiest.

Do you want to talk about it?

I don't think I'm ready.

Do you talk to Suzy about it?

You're jealous of your sister. You shouldn't be.

Why would I be jealous of her?

I'm not jealous of her. She's jealous of me.

You're defensive. You left us.

Do you blame me for your, um... issues with relationships?

I don't have issues with anything.

Oh, then, why did you change your name to Jonquil?

Don't analyse me in my own session.

This is not a session.

That's all we have time for, I'm afraid.

I have another client.

I'm not paying

It's complimentary.

Ha.

Same time next week?

Suction.

Suze, I don't know what's happened

but something's going down in the building.

Have you seen Joan?

Pineapple donuts.

Are you alright, Dr Darling?

Yeah. I was just thinking about donuts.

There is so much sugar in donuts.

Oh, come on.

Don't tell me you're pissed off about that.

It was, like, 30 years ago.

Bite down, please.

And a fucking good night was had by all.

Eugh!

Have you got to the bit about the, um... party at Chateau Marmont?

Yep. Done that.

Yep... done... that bit.

We'll just do a bit more drilling now.

Suze, I know I've loved... slept with a lot of women in my life...

If you're trying to win her back, you could do better.

Listen, Virgin Mary, with the greatest of respect,

you've never even been with a woman,

and now you never will.

You've missed the boat.

So maybe you should spare me the relationship advice!

Stop!

Stop. Stop suction.

Please. Thank you, Penelope.

Suze, there are gonna be bits of my life

that are gonna be difficult to read.

We're all done here.

You know I'm different when I'm with you.

Would you like to sit up?

Suze...

I wanna see other people.

Clients.

I wanna see other clients this afternoon,

which is good for business.

You finished?

Come on.

Thank you.

She was here?

All this time?

So sad to think we could have found her.

Or she could have found us.

Why didn't she want to bring me here to the house herself?

Oh, it was too dusty.

And, um, something about memories.

The electricity company would be able to tell us when she left.

I just remembered something.

Where are you going?

The swing set.

Can you see me?

Oh, shivers. They're everywhere!

Suzy.

How do you know my name?

She didn't want to leave you girls.

But we were so in love,

we couldn't see any other way than to be together.

She hasn't... told me about you.

It was difficult for her.

She was always conflicted.

Oh...

She's very confused. She's... mmm... confused about a lot of things.

Do you know where she is?

Uh, she's at home. At my home.

She came here with your sister but she couldn't see me.

No, well... No, of course she couldn't.

Can you tell her that I'm here?

Oh, Robert, I don't think she'd understand...

I think I put my neck out when I landed on my face.

Mustard gas?

Stupid.

Well, look who it is. Little Miss Smelly.

What are you doing now? Taking in the aroma of old carpet?

Mmm. Yummy.

Aren't I?

No, thanks. Already eaten.

Wow. People do some weird-arse shit when they think they're alone.

But, uh, you...

I think you need to see someone.

Oh! What the fuck?!

Uh. Whoopsie. Missed.

Now, don't be frightened. OK?

I'm gonna send you to a better place.

You're gonna what?

What the fuck are you playing at?

Hold still for me.

Oh, shit.

Bollocks I will.

Oh!

What... what happened?

Oh. Whoopsie.

Oh. I think you've chipped your tooth.

Ow.

Uh...

Code red. Emergency meeting. Listen up, spookies.

That, uh, make-up chick just tried to spit at me.

She is fucking loose.

I think she might be some kind of... exorcist.

Maybe that's the reason Joan's gone missing.

She... killed Joan?

I don't...

Look, I don't know how she did it but somehow she could sense me.

It was like she was stalking me.

Your majesty, you, uh... you seen anything like this before?

Random self-combustion?

Yeah. Ghosts have actually gone missing.

Happens more than you think.

Does it?

Is that what he's been telling you? Is it?

So, where are they now, then, genius?

Hmm, in the carpet, probably.

Fucking

That psychotic little bitch in heels has been killing us

and you... you've known about it all along, haven't you?

That's why you won't go up there!

Finally, he's caught on. So, come on, then.

Out with it.

What is she?

She's an exterminator.

I beg your pardon? She's a what, now?

Exterminator.

Maybe the, uh, incredible Henry Mallet

isn't quite so untouchable after all.

Betty, when is the last time you saw Antonia?

I bet she can't even feel the tube in her mouth.

Probably feels like feathers.

Can you tell her she smells amazing?

Oh, um, are you alright there, Jennifer?

Oh, yes, I'm fine, thank you. Just a little woo-woo-woozy from the gas.

Oh, right. OK. Mm-hm.

Oh, sorry, you need to stay still there for me.

Stay straight.

There we are. We're all done here.

You can close your mouth.

How does that feel? Good, actually. That's really good.

It's perfect, Suze. Award-winning.

You can sit up now, if you like.

Thank you so much.

I suppose if you run into a wall,

it's a good idea to do it in a building with a dentist.

That's what we tell all our clients.

Rinse.

You can just spit it out in there. OK.

God, my face! God, God!

Pete...

Penelope!

Whoops.

Oh, clumsy me.

Suzy, you have done a fantastic job on this tooth.

My mouth feels amazing.

This should clean right up.

Pete...

Doctor?

You smell amazing.

Thank you, Doctor.

Um, do you mind just leaving me for a moment in the chair?

I'm feeling a little bit wobbly.

I'd like to be left alone.

Take all the time you need.

OK.

Henry? Henry?

Henry!

No-one's here.

She's killed everyone!

Suzy.

Did you, uh...?

She hates it.

Right, I need volunteers.

I need people to help me clear this building floor to floor.

Anyone?

No-one?

Betty, thank you.

The rest of you, what are you gonna do? Just... stay here forever?

We need to do something and we need to do it fucking now.

May I?

Firstly, you should all know that Henry has brought this on all of us.

Sorry. What?

By fraternising with a live one, you've drawn attention to our world.

We should give her Henry.

Hang on. Hang on.

This is the guy who five minutes ago was trying to convince you lot

that your missing friends

had somehow... phhh... spontaneously combusted.

Why do you keep listening to him?

The king knows how to protect us.

And your human will protect you.

You need to go to her.

Yeah. Unfortunately, my human would also like to kill me.

The assassin is here for you, Henry.

She's not gonna stop until she rids us of the one she's looking for.

Alright. Well, I'll go and warn the others.

The rest of you, just stay out of human world

with Darren, the coward from Adelaide,

until the killer has gone.

Do nothing.

Then we'll see what happens.

Betty.

Henry?

Henry?

Anyone?

Hello, Doctor.

Jennifer!

Um, I just wanted to ask you,

what were you doing when you ran into the wall?

It might sound crazy to someone like you.

Oh... try me.

I was searching for Rocco.

Rocco?

Rita's husband passed on.

Mmm.

And, um, I'm... I'm a little bit psychic,

so Rita asked me to set him free.

Oh.

Did you find him?

Oh, I definitely found him.

And there are others.

This building is a hive of activity.

How many have you freed?

Do you believe in spirits, Suzy?

I believe in a lot of things.

OK.

Well, try to imagine that you were stuck in a building like this

for eternity,

that this car park was all you had for a kazillion years.

Look around.

And then someone like me comes along

and gives you the opportunity to be free, to be at peace.

Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

Do you actually know how it works?

My grandmother was an emancipator.

So she taught me.

And after she died, I emancipated her too.

Oh. Can you imagine it?

Freeing your own nanna from the eternal car park.

Mmm. It's pretty special.

What if you hurt her?

I didn't.

Henry?

Henry?

Mum.

Didn't think you ate.

I had the most terrible morning.

Oh, there's nothing cake can't fix.

It can't fix... a car.

Um, I have to tell you something. It's not a very easy thing to say.

Your friend Robert - he died.

Robbie?

I'm so sorry, Mum.

He loved you very much.

No-one knows about Robbie.

You went to my house?

Jonquil took me there.

I know this is a bit of a shock, Mum, but he's not back.

He's... he's dead.

I never knew him when he was alive.

I don't understand.

He's the love of my life.

Oh, I saw him, Mum! He's waiting for you to come home.

He hasn't forgotten you.

Where did he go?

He's always been there.

No. Well, no, that can't be true because...

Suzy! ..he was gone.

Henry! Who's Henry?

He's the love of MY life.

Suze!

That make-up chick - she's a serial killer.

I know. She killed Pete in my surgery.

Yeah, and now Antonia's gone missing.

I thought she'd got you. I've been looking everywhere for you.

I'm fine.

Um...

And Mum can see ghosts.

Really? Hello.

No. I can't.

Yes. Yes, you can.

You can see Robbie.

Robbie said he saw you when you went to the house with Jonquil.

This is all great. Suze, I need to go and find Antonia.

Henry...

Robbie was there?

Why can't I see him?

What are you doing?

Oh, my God. You're hilarious.

Here, sniffy, sniffy, sniffy.

Oh, I've found you, haven't I?

Can you hear me?

- Oi! - There you are.

Antonia, stay away from her.

No, I love her. Can we keep her?

She's a ghost killer. This won't hurt a bit.

Antonia!

Oh!

I know you like me, Henry.

Yeah.

You keep telling yourself that.

Dammit.

Robbie?

Robbie, I'm here.

I don't know why it upset me so much.

This is your past. It's got nothing to do with me.

Exactly. It was another life. It's... psssh... long gone.

I'd hate for you to read a book about me and Steve.

Believe me, I would hate to read that book.

I don't think I need to know any more.

I don't want to lose you, Henry.

I'm not going anywhere, as long as you're here.

Unless, of course, I get hunted down by that psycho make-up woman.

I can't have her banned from the building, can I?

"Please sign my petition.

"There's a rampant beautician trying to kill my dead friend

"with her poisonous spit."

Yeah, unfortunately I don't think she's gonna rest until she has murdered us all.

As long as you're in the penthouse with me, she can't get you.

Oh. Terrific.

So now my world's even smaller.

I think I have an idea.

Morning, witchy-poo.

Ah. I've found you, haven't I, Rocco?

Mmm. Come and get me.

I've got all the time in the world to get you where you need to go.

Likewise.

Come on.

Come on, you mad bitch.

Come on.

Jennifer. ls everything alright with the crown?

I need to see the dentist.

Jennifer. She'd like to see you too.

Jennifer. I'm so glad you dropped by.

I need to check that crown.

Some of the amalgam was, um... off

and I'm a bit worried that it hasn't set properly.

Do I get to go in the surgery? Yes.

We've had a cancellation.

No, we haven't. Well, we're about to.

Can you booked out the next half-hour and prep me a botulinum injection?

50ml. Are you sure?

We're sure. We're sure.

Who's 'we?

You... and me.

OK. Just keep your head still. Oh, sorry.

OK. We'll numb your mouth now. Penelope?

Lift your tongue for me, please.

Is this normal? Uh, yes.

We have to numb your entire mouth 'cause it's a front tooth.

Oh.

Oh... Doctor...

It's alright, Penelope.

Give her another one, Suze.

OK. Second one.

You're doing really well.

Argh...

Argh...

Why don't you give her one more for luck?

One more? Three?

Mm-hm.

No, stop. I... She's onto us, Suze.

Hold her down. Hold her down.

Hold her still.

Here we are.

Doctor... It's almost over, Penelope.

Ah. Beautiful.

Everybody hates injections.

I...can't feel my face.

It's very dry.

It's all normal.

It's very, very normal.

Hey, hey. Are you OK?

I...

Oh, no, no. Say no more. It...

Queen of pain. Yeah.

Used to be my dentist.

Well, can I, um... wheel you to your car?

Great.

Shall we?

That'll teach her to fuck with the Mallet.

Suze.

That was fucking amazing.

"Hold her down." Where did that come from?

So, how long do you think it's gonna last?

It'll wear off in a couple of months.

A couple of months? Three injections?

You paralysed her saliva glands.

Penelope, I'm sorry that you had to witness such a severe procedure.

I quit!

Everybody needs spit, Dr Darling.

Everybody.

We did it.

Yeah.

We did it.

Helen. I'm here.

Mum, he's here. Helen, I've always been here.

He just... he said he's here. He's always been here.

I never would have left you all alone if I knew.

How could you have known, my love?

He understands. How would you have known... my love?

His love. Your love.

There was no light, no warmth, no newspaper, no television.

I left you all alone in a darkened cave.

I will never forgive myself.

The only thing I really missed was you.

You'll have to tell her. She can't hear me.

Yes, sorry. Of course.

The only thing he missed was you.

Could you just give us a few moments alone...

Yes. Take your time. ..to say some things in private.

I'll be outside.

I can't wait any longer.

Do it.

It's not working.

What's happened to me?

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