Original subtitles

- Yes!

I'm petey wheatstraw, the devil's son-in-law!

The high sheriff of hell.

I went with notorius fatty,

and even made love to old lula bell.

I took today and brought back yesterday!

Took the 4th of July and put it in June!

And make leap year jump over the moon.

I'm not here to brag, nor here to boast!

I can sit on a tombstone and produce baby ghosts.

Why I can even remember the day I was born!

It was the day of that great Miami, Florida storm!

Release yourself.

- He's coming!

- He's coming! - — He's coming!

- Oh Jesus!

He's coming.

- Oh Jesus, my god.

Doctor, doctor, doctor!

I'm so glad you got here!

She's almost ready now!

Any minute now!

Help me lord!

- My god, she's gonna have an elephant?!

- Is you trying to say my wife screwed an elephant?

- Just get me some water!

Lots of hot water!

- Hurry!

Hurry!

- It's gonna be all right, just hold on.

Oh my god!

I've never heard anything like this

in my life before!

Oh my lord, oh my god!

Is he coming, is he coming, is he coming?

Is he coming?

- It's here, it's here.

Oh doctor, oh doctor help me!

Help me, lord have mercy, Jesus!

- Come on, come on down.

Come on down, come on down.

Right there, right there, help me.

Okay, okay.

Ow!

He bit me!

He bit me!

I got him, I got him.

- You got him, doctor?

I got him.

- Hurry, doctor, hurry!

- Help me, mama, you gotta help me!

Come on, push!

Bear down, bear down!

Push, push, come on!

Yes, yes, yes, he's coming!

He's coming!

My god, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming!

Bear down, bear down!

- Whoa, whoa!

- He's coming, push push!

Oh, oh he's coming!

Shees, oh my god!

Are you sure this isn't an elephant?!

Oh my god!

Ow, that hurts!

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's alive.

- Don't no grandy doctor soppy sucker

gonna hit on me and get away with it.

Help me, help me, help me, somebody help!

Gotta come help me.

Take him off me.

Willy!

Help, help me,

take him off me!

Come on, please!

- I know you, you the one that

disturbed me every night in my sleep!

- But I'm your daddy, boy!

- You stop it!

Stop it right this minute, boy.

And you get your little narrow ass over there and stand.

- Thank you, doctor.

How much do we owe you?

- Nothing, nothing, just let me

get the hell outta here!

- Your name will be petey wheatstraw.

J“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

- well if it ain't little petey wheatstraw.

- You mean punky wheatstraw.

J“ superstar

J“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

- Do not be alarmed.

I am a friend.

It took courage and bravery to fight them as you did.

- Imma get them back for this

even if it takes my whole life,

imma get all of 'em one by one.

- Would you spend your whole life seeking revenge?

- What do you mean?

Who are you anyway?

- I am bantu, and you?

- Petey, petey wheatstraw.

- Wisdom is the way of the world.

There's much you do not understand, son.

I will teach you the ancient oriental ways.

J“ I'll tell you a story

j“ about the brave man and the storm

j“ heavy now his glory

j“ for a brother was born

j“ he met a man as a boy

j“ who taught him that there was no toil

j“ taught him how to get around

j“ all the snakes that he rolled around

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ the devil's son-in-law

j“ petey wheatstraw, he's no boy

j“ king of comedy, a superstar

j“ the world's a stage in which he plays

j“ living and loving his only game

j“ women, they fall at his feet

j“ while men fear him out there in the street

j“ his name brings terror to all of those

j“ who tried to cross him once before

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ the devil's son-in-law

j“ Leroy's killing, they're in a spot

j“ the fire burned him and it's really hot

- you are ready now.

I have taught you all the mysteries

of the world and the art of self defense.

- I owe you much, bantu, I am most grateful,

but there's only one thing that bothers me.

- Yes?

- Well this is not what I dreamed

of doing with my life, I've always wanted

to be on stage making people laugh.

You know a, a...

- A comedian?

- Yeah, so I can try and save the

world from some of its miseries.

Is it possible?

- Yes it's possible.

Stand up.

You will always love and respect

those who always love and respect you.

You will take no abuse from any man

living or dead.

You will use your wisdom as a weapon against all evil.

- Thank you.

My my my my my, what an ass.

I've always liked women with big asses.

- Some asses for need, but this ass is for please.

- I see we have another comedian in the house!

You still got a lot of ass, mama.

I say one thing, if this place would

catch on fire, they'd tell everybody to haul ass,

you would have to make 10 trips.

- Hey man, you can't talk to my woman like that.

Shut up!

Shut your ugly, old time, ancient ass up!

If you say one more word to me,

I'll have that lady take one of her

titties and beat the shit out of you.

And I ain't lying either!

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.

I am what I am and I'm gonna be

the very best of what I am.

And for those who don't like me confidentially,

I don't give a damn.

I'd like to thank you for letting

me be myself, thank you!

- Ladies and gentlemen, petey!

Petey, petey wheatstraw!

How did we do tonight, Jimmy?

- Over the boat, Pete, things looks good, brother

we gotta hurry 'cause we got a plane to catch.

- Take me with you, petey.

- Oh Sheila, we've been through

this many times, you know the score, baby.

- Sheila, baby, you know how it is with

us honey, you've got to hang on in there.

- You're gonna see that Nell bitch, ain't ya?

Oh Sheila, listen, you know the business,

baby, hlsend for you next week.

- And what about Nell?

- What about Nell, baby, you know it's only me and you!

- Sheila, baby, don't be so uptight,

I'll see that you get a plane ticket next week.

- Hey petey, beautiful man,

really good this time, we got to do it again real soon.

Y'all take it slow, Jimmy, it was a pleasure.

Don't mean to run, but I got something

planned for me, takin' off.

- Hang in there, doc.

Okay y'all, let's get out of here.

- I hope this little business adventure

turns out the way it's supposed to.

100 grand is a lot of money and this place

doesn't look like it holds over 200 people.

- This is not it.

We got a place over on the east side

that holds over 2,000 people.

And I guarantee you this'll be the biggest show

to hit this city in quite some time.

With the kind of cash that you

just loaned us, we can't miss!

Right, skillet?

- Right!

We've checked out all the risks very carefully.

Mr. White, we're gonna give you

a 20% return on all your money.

You won't be sorry.

No siree.

- I hope not.

For that kind of money the company can get a little ugly.

But for some reason I think it's gonna work.

Soft season, all the good acts are on the road.

With that kind of money you'll be

able to advertise and pull 'em in.

Now are you sure no one's coming into town?

- Mr. White, stop worrying.

We have no competition for at least

three or more months from now, right skillet?

Happy times are right around the corner.

Mr. White, you about to become

the luckiest investor of the century.

- Yeah, or lose and become the

most dangerous man in town.

Dangerous for you guys that is.

Hlkeepintouch.

Keep the faith.

And keep the bankroll.

Skillet, let's get started.

- Yeah, let's get started.

Madam Wright, come on over here.

Listen, we need singers.

We need musicians, we need dancers.

Lookie here, the kind of money

we got, we can do some booking.

- We gonna party now! - That's right!

- We living, brother!

- Living? Living?

Living between the sky and the earth

and ain't touching dirt nowhere!

Nowhere!

- Yeah, that song so good, and I'm your daddy,

the hitman, on xera radio!

Moving right along, as we told you earlier,

it's celebrity time.

The one and only Mr. Excitement himself,

petey wheatstraw, what's happening man?

I'm glad to be back in town.

You know I'm opening at Steve's den

with my all girls toy show.

- Hey I know it's gonna be a good show.

Tell us about this 'cause I know

it's gonna be a right all situation.

- All I can say is to the people

out there in radio land I want to

see your face in the place

and your feet under the seat

so you can put some zip in your hip

and slide in your glide.

Big fat girl strutting in there but oh!

- Just a minute baby.

- And that's June 15th at Steve's den.

- I'll talk to you later, baby.

Be there!

Our opening night?!

The 15th?

Leroy!

Leroy!

I gotta talk to you, partner.

- Man, you made me blow my damn shot!

- Wait a minute!

I just learned on the radio petey wheatstraw is in town.

- You what?!

- He's gonna open show there on June the 15th!

Leroy, we can't stand up to competition,

he'll kill us for sure.

Remember what Mr. White said about his money.

If we don't pay him back?

We dead, partner, what are we gonna do Leroy?

What we gonna do?

- Shut up and let me think!

- What you got up your sleeve, partner?

- Wait, I'll call petey on the phone.

See if I can get him to postpone.

- Dig it.

- And if that don't work, there's other ways

to make him give in.

Get Willy on the phone quick!

- I'll get him on the phone.

- Rack man, rack 'em up!

- Well Steve, you got the joint

looking good, but you still ain't

done shit with that small dressing room,

you know petey don't like no small dressing room, man.

- Damn right, that dressing room

ain't big enough to fart in.

- You didn't come here to fart or shit,

you came here to do your thing!

- But your dressing room still

looks like a shit house!

- I got it looking like a shit house

because of one reason, petey, let me tell you.

The way a person shit tells if

they have love or larceny.

See, people that have love in their heart,

they sit down and they shit.

Reach for the toilet paper, wipe that shitty ass,

and then they flush it down.

People that have larceny, they sit down

and they shit,

wipe that shitty ass, but because they have larceny,

before they flush it down,

they have to turn around and peep at that shit.

Anybody don't trust their own asshole must have larceny.

- And it still looks like a shit house, can you dig it?

- Let me say this, petey.

We got the posters ready,

and man we are ready to roll this weekend.

- Steve, you mean to tell me

you haven't got the posters up

and we getting ready to open next week?

- Well never mind all that petey.

Anyway, I put my boy right over there.

Can I help, Ted?

- No Larry, you'd just be in the way.

- Oh Ted, you haven't seen your

brother in four months,

why don't you let him come along?

- Come on, t.

- Okay, you can help.

I'll go and get changed and we'll get started.

- Matter of fact I'll kick in a

few bucks for the little man.

- What?

- Steve, you are volunteering to pay somebody?

- Don't you be so cold on my man.

- Oh baby, don't worry about it, they only kidding.

- Petey, why don't y'all drink up man,

my lady's fixin' to poo, we got to get on out of here.

- Let's drink a toast to a successful engagement.

Hey, stop!

- God damn!

These dope-headed junkies make me sick!

That's why niggers in the ghetto can't have shit!

- Hey you, get back!

Jimmy, you should do something, help him!

- I got the money, what the hell you think I can do,

I can't take those damn junkies!

- Shit!

- Come on, nigger, scram, man!

Come on!

Come on, fight it!

- Y'all got a lot of nerve messing with my car.

Penny addict junkies, that's all you are.

You'll take from your mama, you'll even take

the limbs off of a tree!

But I'm gonna kick your ass for messing with me.

All right, you clowns, up on your feet.

You going back to my car and putting

my shit back just like you found it!

All right, let's go!

All right, move!

Ladies and gentlemen, I want you

to remember their faces

so you can know who's breaking into your places!

If they do it to me, they'll do it to you!

So I want you to stick your foot

up their ass the next time they do!

- But Leroy, what we gonna do?

If he's gonna put on a show...

Shut up!

I'm trying to think!

- Willie! - Yeah, boss?

- I want you to keep an eye on

- petey and his boys. - Right.

- I wanna know every move they

make day and night.

Take some of the boys

and call me every hour on the hour.

- Right.

Castro, Brian, let's go.

But Leroy!

If he's gonna put on a show...

- You said that already!

He's probably staying at Nell's place.

We'll call him.

Maybe we can get him to change his mind.

- Change his mind?

After what we did to petey?

He'll come through that phone and strangle us.

- Petey knows the score now.

He's on our terrain now.

All we gotta do is put a little

pressure on him, he'll yield.

- Leroy, I don't think...

Don't think!

Just get Nell on the phone.

I wanna talk to petey.

J“ loving you

j“ touching you

j“ it's always on my mind

j“ thinking of kisses on you

- look, what is it with you, petey?

Don't I even turn you on a little?

- Nell, you know I don't like to

mix business with pleasure.

- It's always business with you.

You know how I feel about you.

- Nell, I didn't mean to hurt you, baby.

Come over here.

Let's give it a whirl.

May not even be as bad as I think it is.

- Shit.

Hello?

Yes, just a second.

It's for you, now don't be long.

- Baby, this is gonna be the shortest

phone call in bell telephone's history.

Can you dig it?

- Mmmhm.

- Petey, how you doing, brother?

- Don't brother me, you no business

barn rat soup eatin' son of a bitch!

I want you and that fat slob partner

of yours to pay me the money ya'll owe me!

That's exactly what I was calling you for.

I want to pay you back, but on one condition.

- Condition my ass!

It's y'all that owe me!

I will condition you, I'll put my foot up you

and that big bear's ass both!

- Look petey, skillet and I are

in a bad position.

You see, we want you to postpone

your engagement for a few months.

We borrowed a big piece of money

and we can't afford your competition.

- You have the nerve to call me

and ask me to cancel my engagement!

I wouldn't stop my show if you

needed ice water in hell!

- So that's the way you wanna play, huh nigga?

Well you know two of us can play that, you hear?

- Why you.

- What was that all about?

- Nell, listen, I want you to call

Jimmy and the boys because the shit

look like it's done hit the fan.

What about our little party?

- It'll have to wait.

This is money.

Business, baby.

As you know, romance without finance is a damn nuisance.

J“ loving you

j“ touching you

- Yeah?

- I'm still following this Jackson dude, boss.

He's hanging posters all over the place.

- Well rough him up a bit.

Petey won't bend, so we'll bend him.

- I'm on it on.

Shut up!

- Mmm mmm, this is sho' 'nuff good!

- Mmmhmm!

Ted, the next time you leave

are you gonna be gone long?

I don't know, why?

'Cause when you're gone

I don't have no one to talk to.

- You talk to mama, don't you?

- Yeah, but she's always working.

She be too tired.

- Well what do you do in the meantime?

Swbm

play basketball 'cause I'm gonna be a basketball star.

- And skip school.

Yeah, mama told me what you been doing.

Look, if you wanna be a basketball star,

you're gonna have to stop skipping school.

You think jabbar skipped school?

No he didn't and neither can you.

Now I want you to raise your right hand

and swear that you won't skip again.

Come on.

Come on!

- I swear I won't skip no more school.

If jabbar didn't then I won't neither.

- My man!

Now I want you to go inside and tell mama

I'll be a little late and not to wait up for me.

Okay.

Swish.

- Two points.

- You've been pretty busytoday, pal

too bad you won't be able to work like that tomorrow.

'Cause your arm's gonna be broke.

- What are you talking about, mister?

Larry, go inside.

- No, I'm staying with you.

I said go inside!

- Ted, he's got a gun!

(Gunshod

Larry, Larry!

Larry!

Larry!

Oh my god, he shot my brother!

- I can't see you, Ted.

I feel, I...

- Don't talk, Larry.

It's gonna be all right.

I saw the whole thing,

I got the license plates and everything.

I called the police and the ambulance

and they're on their way now.

- I won't skip

no more school.

I promise not.

Oh no!

- No!

- Larry!

No!

Larry.

My brother!

Larry!

Oh god, Larry!

J“ precious lord

j“ take my hand

j“ lead me on

j“ let me stand

j“ I am tired

j“ I am weak

j“ I am worn

j“ through the storm

- the lord giveth.

And the lord taketh away.

Blessed be the name of the lord.

The lord is my Sheperd, I shall not want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures.

J“ precious lord

j'and lead me home

Don't panic!

- Petey?

Petey wheatstraw.

Petey wheatstraw.

- Who are you, man?

- My card.

Lou cipher?

- A small mistake on the part of the printer.

Actually it's pronounced Lucifer.

- Are you responsible for all this madness?

- In most cases I am, but in this particular instance

I happened to walk upon this disaster.

You may stand up.

- Where am I?

Where am I?

Where am I at?

Your new home, petey, if everything works out well.

Well if you're wondering, petey, you're quite dead.

- And what about all of these other people?

Are they?

- The ones that have been shot, yes.

The others are, you might say, out to lunch.

- But what do you want from me, man?

- My my, you're quite direct.

I like that.

She will like that too.

- She who?

- We'll talk about that later.

Your problem seems to be right now.

I have a proposition to offer you,

petey, are you willing to listen?

- Your propositions you always wind up on top.

Just like the shit that you done to Adam and Eve.

- Oh petey, I was young then.

My salad days.

My style today is much more sophisticated.

- Well what do you want from me now?

-Ason.

A son?

You got to be sick!

How in the hell can I give you a son?

- By simply marrying my daughter.

- What's in the deal for me, man?

- Gaze upon the root of all this

madness as you put it.

- Well?

- You don't have to worry about petey no more, boss.

He's resting in peace.

- Good.

Now that he's resting in peace, we can rest in peace too.

Lively times!

- Happy times!

- Happy times, yeah.

- Leroy and skillet.

I knew it was them two big fat slobby son of a bitches!

- Yes, they felt threatened by your upcoming show in town.

- Well why kill a little boy like that in cold blood?

- If you would just calm down a moment and listen,

perhaps we can work things out.

- I'm listening.

- Marry my daughter and give her a child.

And I will arrange it for you to have your life back.

To strut and fret your hour upon the stage again.

Revenge will be yours, petey wheatstraw.

- No, this is madness man, you got to be sick.

- Well petey, prepare to die.

Let your wisdom be your weapon.

Wisdom, wisdom, wisdom.

- All right.

I'll marry your daughter

and give her this son that you need so badly.

By the way, what does your daughter look like?

- Gee, I hope beauty has nothing to do with our proposition.

- Oh hell no, man, uh uh.

No no no, I won't marry her, deal or no deal.

Kill me, man, kill me, uh umm.

- Yes, my daughter's quite unfortunate.

Very well, petey.

Wisdom, wisdom.

-All right, I'll marry her.

You'll be hearing from me from time to time.

It will be as though none of this ever happened.

And the lord taketh away.

Blessed be the name of the lord.

The lord is my Sheperd.

I shall not want.

Oh lord, my baby.

- Petey, how could that be, I know...

-Fimmyfimmyfimmy don't worry about it,

I'll explain it to you later.

Thank you, dear.

- That's the way it was.

I'm not lying.

That's some crazy shit, isn't it?

- Crazy, yeah, but man you making a deal with the devil.

You know how things like that turn out.

And anyway, I think I'd rather be dead

than marry someone ugly as that!

- The main thing man, I'm still alive.

Now listen, I can figure out a way

to keep from marrying the devil's daughter,

but the main thing we've got to

deal with Leroy and skillet right now.

- But petey, I'm scared.

Now you know how powerful the devil is,

and if you cross him, he's gonna be mad as hell.

I mean heaven.

Oh shit.

- Oh Nell, you always worry, now you know

I can take care of things.

Ted!

Ted!

Are you all right?

- Man, I ain't gonna rest

until I settle with scarface Willie.

- Right this way, ladies.

- It's that little punk again.

- Come on, chump!

Come on!

- We'll fix his ass for keeps it this time.

Come on!

- Hey man, come on, come on!

- Thought you would've done learned

your lesson by now, little brother.

Guess you one of them hard-headed niggers.

Hold it, Bruce Lee!

See now you too dangerous to have around.

I'm gonna arrange it so you can be with petey

and your kid brother for all time!

Start praying, pal!

- What's the matter, Willie, the cat got your tongue?!

I oughta make you eat this gun!

- But I thought...

- Yes, tell your boss I'm still alive

and I'm mad as a hornet in a Bumblebee hive!

I want you to tell your boss that

his days is numbered and his luck is bad!

So son of a bitch,!

Now get your ugly ass on!

Get!

Move!

- Why didn't you let me finish him?

- Oh Ted, there will be revenge on all of them for you,

don't worry about it.

Let's make it.

- Willie, you sure it was him?

You're sure you got him?

Well how in the hell can he still be alive?

- Maybe he missed him.

- I know he was dead.

Nobody could've stood the lead

we pumped into him, nobody!

I swear, Leroy!

- I saw him get hit too, boss.

He must've took about four or five slugs.

- Well how in the hell can he

still be out there walking around?

Somebody tell me!

- What we gonna do, Leroy?

- Shut up and let me think!

I gotta think.

Phew, this is killing me!

Let him think, everybody, let him think.

- What happened to him?

- I think Willie's smell was too much for him.

- I think I'm gonna pass out too.

- Willie, you get your stinkin' ass out of here!

Get out of here and go clean up!

And get back here on the double!

- Somebody open a window or something, damn.

- I've got it!

- Well come on with it.

- He lives in Nell's place.

- Right.

- We never did finish our little party the other night,

and now we're all alone

and there's no one here to bother us,

so I'll just take the phone off the hook.

Well I'll be damned.

Hello?

Yes, just a second.

It's for you, now don't be long.

- Yes petey, there's two things

I neglected to tell you.

One, you will have powers beyond your wildest dreams.

All you have to do is use my magical cane.

It contains all of my secrets.

Two, you must be careful where and how you use it.

It will serve every purpose you will ever need.

All you have to do is wield the cane, petey,

and my power is yours.

- Well thanks for calling, Lou.

- Well who's Lou?

- Don't worry about it, baby,

let me introduce you to a friend of mine.

- Oh at last, I'm gonna put something

on you you won't forget.

Stop it!

You guys are tearing up my place!

Police!

Get away from me!

Petey!

Petey!

Oh my vase, hey I'm not through paying for this!

Petey!

Be careful!

Petey, watch out!

- Come on, come on, come on.

Get up, come on.

- Hello?

Yes, just a second.

It's for you.

- Yes.

- Petey, I suggest you pick up that cane tonight.

At the rate your friends skillet and Leroy are going,

they might surprise you at any moment.

And you do want to protect yourself the next time.

- Thanks again.

- Hello?

Petey?

What?

Graveyard?

Man, at a time like this?

Aw shit.

Petey!

Petey!

Sure had a wonderful time tonight!

Oh shit, really blew my lid.

Everybody tell me I did.

Oh boy did I party up in this Tonight.

Still takes me so damn long to get home,

gee, maple's gonna be wondering about me.

My house look like it done got

a little bit small too.

Maple!

Open the door, baby, your baby home!

Open the door, woman!

Your Out here,

I know you're in there, baby, let me in!

That woman don't wanna let me in.

It's, woman let me in!

You won't come open, well I'll just go all,

I ain't gonna tell you where

I'm going, somewhere else.

That's what I'm gonna do.

- Petey, what are we looking for in this graveyard?

- Just a little further.

Petey!

Listen, listen!

I don't hear nothing, man.

- Well I hear something, listen.

- Come on, man, I don't hear nothing.

- That's it Pete!

- Come over here, man.

Come over here, you scared fool you!

- Cold down here

cold down here.

Well no wonder you cold,

you damn fool, you done kicked

all the dirt off of you!

- Help me!

- Come on, let's do what we come here for

and let's get out of here.

Oh shit man, why you so scared?

- Hell, this is a graveyard!

- Let's put some dirt on him, Jimmy.

- Man, I ain't gonna put nothing on him.

Come on, let's get what you got and get outta here!

Come on, man!

- Come on man, don't be so scared, come on!

Just a little further.

Ah, there it is.

The tire.

- Man, shit, you come out here to get a tire,

now you could've gotten a tire in the morning!

- Now we can leave.

I've gots what I come here for.

- What's that for?

- Come on, come on, come on, let's leave, let's leave.

Come on man, come on!

Come back here, Jimmy!

What's wrong with you?!

Put those corks in the cooler!

How many times do I have to tell you that?

What is that plant doing over there?

Put it on the other side of the building!

Right.

- Then get up on that ladder and

fix that better than that.

Get that shit down from there, and what are you doing?

Move that out from over there!

Let's get moving!

- Hey boss!

Hello!

Mr. White!

Mr. White, if this ain't the best

investment that you ever made in your life,

I'll stand on my head, it's big!

It's colossal.

- It's not even open yet.

Don't try and sell me, sell tickets.

Oh they selling by the hundreds

Mr. White, by the hundreds.

- Good.

Now what about this wheatstraw character?

I understand he's opening a show nearby.

Now I hope he's no competition to you guys.

- No siree, Mr. White.

We already killed...

- Uh, what my partner's trying to say,

we've killed the idea of Mr. Wheatstraw

opening a show here.

See, he's a friend of ours.

- Okay fine.

Hold five tickets for me and my friends, front row.

- We'll announce you too, Mr. White.

Nothing's too good for you and your friends,

nothing's too good.

- Maybe this is a good deal after all.

The wife will love it.

She goes for stuff like this.

Well I'll see you guys tomorrow night at the opening.

Oh, and break your legs.

- He likes to make jokes.

Oh Leroy.

If petey opens the show, we dead,

partner, we dead, you know that.

- If I had good people around working,

petey would've been out the way a long time ago.

- Boss, I'm telling you, he's got

some kind of power or something.

I mean...

- Boss, you know I don't believe in that kind

of shit either, but it's true, it's weird.

- Don't give me that supernatural shit!

You just didn't do your job!

- No!

- Willie, I'm giving you one more chance.

If you blow this one, I'll knock your ass

in the middle of next week and

be ready for you again Saturday.

You understand?

- Boss, I...

- Don't but boss me, I want his show stopped!

- Oughta ask the book, you just didn't do your job, boy!

- We've gone too far to turn around!

- Leroy and skillet has gone too far.

They want their cake and eat it too.

You know, thicker.

- Well you know how greedy they are.

Plus they've always been jealous of you,

haven't they, Jimmy?

- You know how it is, hun, I ain't got time

to even think about skillet and Leroy.

- I'm sorry I was late, I just got off work

and my piano player couldn't make it,

but I can sing acapella.

J“ Frankie and Johnny were lovers

j“ oh lordy how they could love

- damn, who in the hell is that bitch?

- She must be singing for Jimmy.

- Singing for who? - For you.

- I ain't never see that woman before.

- Well she can't be singing for petey.

J“ Johnny were lovers

j“ oh lordy how they could love

What's going on?

What the shit is going on?

J“ Frankie and Johnny were lovers

j“ oh lordy how they could love

better not.

J“ Frankie and Johnny were lovers

- petey, let go of the thing.

Who in there?

- Petey, I told you that cane.

J“ they swore to be true to each other

j“ and true as the stars above

j“ Frankie and Johnny were lovers

It's leading me to the bathroom!

Jimmy!

Jimmy!

A bomb!

A bomb!

- Take it outside, take it outside.

J“ as true as the stars above

j“ Frankie and Johnny were lovers

j“ oh lordy how they could love

j“ they swore to be true to each other

j“ as true as the stars above

j“ Frankie and Johnny were lovers

- Take it outside, take it outside!

- Hey, where's everybody going?

Do I get the job?

I got another number.

- Get out of there, it's a bomb!

Petey!

Petey, are you all right?

- Well damn, petey, look at that shit,

them suckers are trying to play for keeps!

- Man, they tried to blow up my damn joint!

- Please give into 'em petey,

somebody is gonna get hurt.

- We got to get this shit straight!

- Nell, go and get tickets to Leroy and skillet.

- You damn right 'cause I think we need to go.

- What, petey, are you crazy?

Don't you know what they'll do to you?

- I'm gonna give them an opening

that they will never forget!

- Damn right!

Mister white!

- Good evening, boys.

Good evening, Mr. White.

How you doing, sir?

Oh, this is my wife joanne.

And her sister babs.

Good evening.

- My my, she's more lovelier than you ever described.

- Right this way, folks.

I got a front way table for ya.

Right this way.

Hey man, don't I know you from somewhere?

- Hell no, man, you don't know me.

Jimmy, I'm so sick and tired of these

Americans talking about they know me,

let's get the girls and leave here.

- No man, do not be like that, man.

We come to see a show, why don't we

go in and enjoy ourselves, do not worry about it.

- Very well, step aside, you fat-faced son of a bitch.

- Have a good evening, man.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

You've been listening to the soul sounds

of clive maron and her, it is showtime now.

So let's welcome to the floor

two of the funniest men in show business.

None other than Leroy and skillet!

- Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you

the ones that made it possible for me and skillet

to bring this big show to you tonight.

Seated right here in front of me

is none other than Mr. and Mrs. White

and their beautiful guest,

give 'em a great round of applause!

- Leroy!

Hey skillet, what's going on?

- I heard you were smart, partner.

- I am smart, skillet.

- You smart?

- I'm smart, skillet.

- If you're so smart, answer me this.

- Answer you what?

- If you have $23.18 in one pocket.

- $23.18 in one pocket.

-And $13.42 in the other pocket.

- $13.42 cents in the other pocket.

- What would you have?

- I'd have on somebody else's pants,

they sure wouldn't be mine.

- Do it now, petey, do it now.

- Uncross your legs whitey, you gonna choke

your fool self to death.

- Leroy!

What's the matter with you?

- I don't know, skillet.

I opened my mouth and it just came out.

- Sorry folks, I hope you didn't get offended.

My partner gets carried away a little bit at a time.

- Speaking of carrying away,

they should carry this bitch away

sitting on that blue satin bedsheet.

What's the matter, mama,

you think a nigger don't know a bedsheet when he see one?

Leroy!

You gonna get us killed, man!

- I really don't know what's happening.

It's working, petey, it's working.

- Sorry, folks.

I hope we didn't put too much

water in your damn drinks.

You assholes!

Oh what am I saying?!

- Moving right along, folks.

We'd like to bring our next act to you.

So let's meet and greet miss tami small.

Come on, skillet, let's get outta here!

J“ music got me where I am and I'm feeling fine, fine yeah

j“ I'm feeling good like I knew I would

j“ we got the loving mind

- Petey, how did you make that cane do that?

- Tami, what the hell happened to you up there?

What happened?!

- Now I will fix both of 'em for good!

- What the hell's going on out there?

I don't know.

Sound like they're tearing the place apart.

What's goin' on in there?

Where's the key?

Where is it?

I don't know, I can't find the key!

- What's the matter, chump?

Can't find your key?

- You got it all wrong!

No, no!

- I'm gonna take you apart piece by piece!

Then I'm gonna kill you!

Like you killed my brother!

What's the matter, Willie?

- Leroy!

- What is it, skillet?

- You should've remembered what I told ya!

- What was that, skillet?

- Money's the root of all evil!

- Well skillet, it look like they've

been Our root.

- Wait a minute!

Wait a minute,!

- That'll take care of them two

big fat slobby son of a bitches.

- Right on, petey, let's go.

- Oh Jimmy, where's Ted?

- Don't you die on me, man!

Don't you cheat me!

You Don't cheat me out of this!

Don't cheat me!

Don't cheat me!

- Ted!

It's over, it's over man.

Come on, come on, let's go.

It's over.

- Come on, Ted.

It's over.

- Well pet, what do you think?

Is he?

Oh he's divinely sexy!

- And he's all yours, my pet.

Now we can make preparations for your wedding.

- Oh father, myjoy is as boundless as the sea.

And just as deep.

The both are infinite.

- Big daddy, wait a minute now, I have labored

all day long cooking this dinner over this stove

and I had the kids waiting.

You mean you gonna walk off and leave like that?

- I wanted to honey, but I gotta

make this meeting, see you later.

- Hey baby, what's happening?

Oh hi, hun.

How you doing?

- I see what's happening, I knew I'd catch you

over here with this young woman in this car!

- Baby, please, wait a minute...

- Hell no, you couldn't pay to wait a minute.

You ain't nothing but a damn fool!

Out here fooling around with these young women!

I knew I'd get you someday and you're trapped!

- Let me explain it to you, okay?

Baby please!

- Shut up talking to me!

- Come on, you don't understand, let me...

- This is your last meeting!

Wait!

- Don't kill him, ma'am!

I have one wish I will Grant you, what might it be?

- He's a dog, he's a damn dog.

Just turn him into a little black puppy.

- That wish will be granted.

How did you do that?

- I got the power, mama, that's how.

I got the power.

- Thank you, mister.

Come on, sugar, mama gonna take

you home and give you some dinner.

Some dog food!

- Good morning miss, can you tell me

where to find Mr. Wheatstraw, Mr. Petey wheatstraw?

- Here's not here right now,

but I'm his personal secretary, can I help you?

Not really.

I much prefer to speak to him myself.

Do you have any idea when he will be back?

- Later on this afternoon.

Are you sure I can't help you?

- Quite sure, young lady.

Quite sure.

You give him this card and you tell him

to contact me right away.

- Bye.

J“ one minute it was over

j“ the next minute was all brand new

j“ oh, on ghetto street, y'all

j“ what's this thing happening to you

J“ ghetto street, usa

j“ down here where we live ya'ii

j“ ghetto street, usa

I my, my, my, baby

j“ ghetto street, usa

- don't ever do it anymore, did you hear me?

You hear me?

For that I'm gonna comb your nappy head for you!

J“ only people

j“ a hard up year ago

j“ to welcome all the joy, y'all

j“ with an open soul

j“ looking through the eyes

j“ of a small gentle child

j“ it isn't so bad, y'all

j“ if it makes a life worth while

j“ ghetto

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ down here where we live, baby

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ down where the streets are milk and honey

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ I believe in it

j“ taking a holiday

j“ between fantasy and reality

j'apart in a small degree

j“ fantasy in one man's eyes, y'all

j“ reality's too plain to see

j“ ghetto

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ down there where they live, baby

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ sometimes I get lonely

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ see people sleeping on the street

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ when I look at the little girls

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ walk around hungry with no shoes on their feet

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ oh lord

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ come on baby

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ ghetto

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ the ghetto baby

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ I wanna tell you about it baby

j“ you and I know baby

j“ sometime now the things oughta be

j“ yes you, we're looking for a blessing, child

j“ come down to the ghetto street

j“ in the ghetto

j“ here reality and soul, y'all

j“ arrives in us plain to see

j“ ghetto

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ oh ghetto

j“ ghetto street, usa in the ghetto

j“ down, down, down

j“ ghetto street, usa down here in the ghetto

j“ down down down

j“ down down down

j“ but then I feel all right baby

.r oh baby

j“ down in the ghetto

j“ down in the ghetto

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ yeah yeah

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ ghetto street, usa

j“ ghetto street, usa

- hey petey!

Look, I'll call you back, okay?

- Yes, Nell?

- A man came by here looking for you.

- A man?

What was his name?

- Well he left his card.

It was right there, I don't know what happened to it.

- Well what did he look like?

- Aweirdo.

- Shit, that's all I've been running

into since I've been in here, is weirdos,

one after another.

- Well this one was really strange,

he wouldn't tell me what he wanted.

- Nell, I've got to get my act together

for the opening, I'm going upstairs and rehearse.

I don't want to see anyone.

- Well I'll make sure you are not disturbed.

- Thanks Nell.

You're welcome.

- Good afternoon, petey, there's no need for that.

It's me.

Lou.

Oh Lou.

How have you been?

- I've been fine, petey.

I saw your heroic act today.

The little boy.

He was mine you know.

You shouldn't use that cane so loosely.

- Well it was lying around doing nothing,

so I thought I would put it to some use.

- You haven't forgotten our deal, have you petey?

I've kept up my end of the bargain, now it's your turn.

- I wouldn't miss it for the world.

I'm looking foward to it.

- Good.

Then prepare yourself for the wedding.

Tomorrow.

- Why so soon?

- I came to your aid soon.

Don't you think one good deed deserves another?

- Where's this wedding gonna take place?

- Down there of course.

Incidentally, you can give me the cane.

- I need this cane for another day.

- Okay, petey.

I suppose it'll be all right.

Just as long as you don't interfere

with any of my actions.

- Don't have to worry.

I won't give you any trouble.

- Very good.

I'll pick you up tomorrow night about 11:30.

- I'll be waiting, Lou.

Or should I say father?

- It doesn't matter!

Just marry her so I can rest.

Goodbye, petey.

- Goodbye, father.

- Petey, how did that man get in there?

I've been right here all day.

- Just call Jimmy and get him on the phone,

I'll explain later.

Look like the shit is gonna hit the fan.

- Petey, who was that man?

- That's Lucifer, ol' Satan himself.

I knew it!

I could feel something strange about him.

Petey, what are you gonna do?

- Nell don't ask so many questions, do as I say.

Call Jimmy right away.

Okay, all right.

- Jimmy, I got to find a way

to keep from marrying this ugly bitch.

This ho is so ugly she can scare

a hungry bulldog off the back of a meat truck.

Call Lucifer up and tell him

you got the claps and you wanna

take a few years to clear your system up.

- Man, that's not a few year affair,

that's only a few day affair.

- Well hell, tell him you got the Alabama claps.

- I got it, Nell, give me the phone.

But the bitch is still ugly enough

to break daylight with her fist.

- Now what you fixin' to do?

- I'm gonna call Lucifer.

- No need to call him, he know he got an ugly bitch.

- Hello?

Lou, listen.

I've got a question to ask you.

Yes, I'd like to go into meditation before my wedding.

- Meditation?

What do you mean meditation?

- Well my father was a guru and he said to me

"son, my only son," says "it would be nice

"if you would meditate before your wedding."

- Do you have to?

- Yes, old father would like it, Lou.

- Very well.

Just as long as you are there.

- I'll be there, but Lou,

remember I'll be in deep meditation.

Bye, father.

- Meditation?

Man, you don't know about no damn meditation!

Jimmy, you know you used

to be good at making things.

- Yeah, so what's that mean?

- I want you to make a mask that looks like me.

And we'll go and get a wino

and we'll dope that sucker up not with wine,

but with the heavy shit.

We'll put that mask on him and

when Lou comes to pick me up we'll let him take him.

And by the time he find out it ain't me,

we'll be all the way across country.

- Now where are you gonna find a wino?

Down at the dewdrop inn.

- If you go down there dressed like that you'll drop in.

There one is over there, Jimmy.

Where?

You see him right there.

- Man look at that asshole,

don't you know he too fat?

You right, he is all butt and gut, but he'll do.

Let's dope up that son of a gun

and carry him to ol' Lou.

- Well give me the shit then, let me get him ready.

When I get him set up, I want y'all

to come right out there soon as I get him

to turn around and do it to him, you hear?

Get him ready.

What's happening, uncle Jake?

I haven't seen you in three years.

Man I've been back in town a week,

I've been looking for, where you been?

- I'm not your uncle Jake!

- You'll be my uncle now, you fat rascal,

you and anything else I want you to be.

Damn, looks just like petey!

- How long will this mask last, Jimmy?

- At least a couple days.

Good.

I'll tell my father not to disturb

my meditation for a couple of weeks.

- What about y'alls honeymoon?

- Yeah, suppose the ugly broad

want some and she started playing

around with that damn wino and nothing happens?

- Then she'll know how I feel.

Don't worry, don't worry.

She will never know the difference.

- But petey, suppose Lucifer finds out

we done crossed him, man you know the shit's gonna fly.

- Listen, I'd rather for the shit to fly

than for me to have to marry that ugly bitch.

- But you know that weird dude don't take no shit.

- Just remember one thing.

- What's that?

- I've got his cane and that makes

me just as powerful as he.

- There it is, it's finished.

-All right, let's put it on the wino and see how it fits.

- Well petey, there you lay and here you stand.

But if ol' Lucifer find out,

I'm gonna tell you there'll be some shit in the sand.

It's weird.

Petey, he looks just like you.

- Well kiss my aunt rhoda's ass.

Resemble me.

I tell you what we do, call my father

and tell him that I am ready to be picked up.

- Where am I supposed to sleep tonight?

- Baby, stay here, ain't nothing but a wino,

he'll be out for two, three days.

- Petey, I'm not staying here with no derelict.

- I'll tell you what, we'll rent

a motel room for the night.

- Good.

- Petey, I still think you oughta

marry the ugly old rascal and figure how to

get you a divorce when you get down in hell.

- Don't worry about it, it'll work.

Let's cover the wino up and get the hell outta here.

- Damn, time sure is going slow, it's only three o'clock.

I wish we could get this shit over with,

this is worrying the hell out of me.

- Why, why did you have to meet him

here in my place man?!

- Oh petey, I'm so scared.

I mean what if something goes wrong?

We may never see each other again.

- Now don't worry about it.

Everything's gonna be all right, baby.

Petey, it's him.

Uh oh!

- Don't worry about it.

Everybody just smile.

- Good afternoon, petey and friends.

- Good afternoon, father.

- Ah, petey, I feel great, just great!

- Father, why are you here so soon?

I thought you were coming down

about 11 o'clock tonight?

- Oh petey, I came by to give you a pre-wedding gift.

If your friends will excuse you for awhile.

- I'm going away with my father for a little while.

I want y'all to take care of the fort.

Can you dig it?

Father!

- I hope I'll see you later.

- Wait a minute, man, where in the hell are we going?

- My, you're quite edgy.

Pre-wedding jitters, I suppose.

- I wanna know about this gift you've been telling me about.

- It's just up the street, petey.

Come along!

- Man, if you've got to run for it

it must be a groovy situation.

- That's the spirit!

- Oh father, why you bringing me here?

Look like this place been closed for years.

- Enter, my son.

Go go go go.

Hmmm?

- Come on, that's the spirit.

Back, back!

Back back back!

Damn, father!

You having trouble trying to find

a husband for your daughter.

You ain't gonna never find a wife for your son.

- That's not my son.

Your very own bachelor party, petey.

Father, there's no one here but us.

But father!

How in the world?

When I was young, I always wanted one.

Never did though.

Have fun, petey.

- Petey.

- Petey.

- Petey.

- He's indeed strong.

- I'll never forget this raggedy old shack.

If I ever get a chance I'll damn sure come back.

A gift from my father that's against the law,

but you girls will always remember ol' petey wheatstraw!

- Where in the hell is petey?

He should've been here hours ago.

What time is it, Jimmy?

- It's almost 11 o'clock, Nell.

I'm supposed to be calling the man in a few minutes.

Petey, where in the hell have you been?

Supposed to being pick you up in a few minutes.

- Partying Hardy, is everything ready?

- Take a look at yourself.

- Good, when they come to pick me up

I want y'all to act very sad that I'm leaving.

And when they leave, let's meet over at Nell's place.

Okay.

- Hey hey, they're here, they coming in right now!

- The time has arrived.

Oh petey.

- Petey wheatstraw must come with us.

He's waiting, sir.

But be very careful with him because

you do not want to disturb his deep meditation.

- Goodbye, petey, we're gonna miss you so much!

- We've been had,

my dear.

How could he do that?

Of course, he still has that cane.

Get that cane and bring that wretched

petey wheatstraw to me!

- I knew it, I knew it, petey,

I told you it wasn't gonna work!

- Oh my apartment must be a wreck!

Petey, maybe you should've married her.

- Nell, you got be sick!

- Petey, petey, I told you it wouldn't work!

They're out to get me, I don't know what we gonna do!

Oh petey, they were horrible!

- Shit, I was scared to death!

- The cane is the strength, as long as

we can keep it, we have nothing to fear!

- Then what we supposed to do, live together forever?

- The cane, we can keep it until

we can get out of town, it will protect us.

Let's make it, we gonna catch the first thing smoking.

- I have been made a complete fool of.

Now retribution is due petey wheatstraw.

- Bring the dirty dog to me!

I'll fix his ass!

- You are my chosen disciples.

The prides of my kingdom.

Now go...

And bring petey wheatstraw to me.

- Can we all please hurry up, we late,

we gotta catch the damn plane!

- Jimmy, we're hurrying as fast as we can,

petey, what about my apartment and all my things?

- To hell with this apartment!

We've got to make it, let's get out of here!

- Petey, look out!

Ted!

- Petey, let's get the hell outta here!

What's going on?

- Come on here, you ol...

- Petey, wait!

- Forget that stuff, Nell!

- I gotta get my stuff.

- Come on! - It costs money!

- Dammit!

Petey!

Jimmy, wait!

- Can't wait, come on!

- I'm trying, I'm outta breath!

- Come on and sit down for a minute and rest.

Petey, what's happening?

Now we gotta do something.

Oh my god!

Oh damn, petey!

Petey wheatstraw!

Stop fighting at once, or the woman dies!

- Petey!

Petey, please help me!

Bargain time again, petey!

- Come on, y'all.

- Just you, petey!

And bring my cane with you!

- Jimmy, go and get your car.

Park it out front.

I'll be down in a minute.

- I trusted you, petey wheatstraw.

And you made a fool of me.

I could kill you, petey!

And feel nothing.

But I have a better idea.

You will marry my daughter and I will see to it

that she makes every breath you draw a prayer for death!

Forever!

- What about Nell?

- I have no use for her, she may go.

Seize him!

Bind him!

Hold him, you idiots!

- Nell, where the hell is petey?

- They still got him up there.

Jimmy, you gotta do something, now we gotta help him,

we gotta go up there or something.

- I'm not going up there.

He told me stay in the car,

I'm not going up there Nell, no.

Hold him!

-Fimmy

- what?

- Can you take me home for a minute?

- Hell no!

- Jimmy, look, I gotta get my money,

I gotta get my makeup, my underwear,

I need my things!

- No, no!

I'm not going nowhere, I'm sitting right

here 'till petey come.

Oh Jimmy, it's just right

up the street, we'll make it back in time.

- Aw shit, Ted! - Please Jimmy, please!

Okay.

- Petey!

Petey!

Petey, it's me, wait!

Wait, petey, we're friends.

I trusted you, petey.

You must trust me!

- You can't trust the devil!

Any fool knows that!

Daniel Webster tricked you

and you still brought your little ass back.

This time it's over!

No more heartache and pain.

I'm gonna destroy your ass!

With your own walking cane.

- No, petey!

No, petey, no, no!

No!

No!

No!

No!

There he is, there he is, there's petey!

Yeah I knew it, I told you

we shouldn't have left in the first place.

Where's he going?!

- It's over, it's over!

- He mistook that as my car! - Oh Jimmy, that's him!

- Who?!

- I killed the devil, he's dead!

- That's the spirit, my son!

- No, petey, no!

- This door's locked, I can't get...

- It won't open! - Petey!

- How you been, petey?

- Didn't think you'd ever see us again, huh petey?

- Now you may kiss the bride!

J“ I'll tell you the story

j“ about the brave man and the storm

j“ heavy now his glory

j“ for a brother was born

j“ he met a man as a boy

j“ who taught him how there was no toil

j“ taught him how to get around

j“ all the snakes that he rolled around

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ yeah, yeah, yeah, the devil's son-in-law

j“ petey wheatstraw, he's no boy

j“ king of comedy, a superstar

j“ the world's a stage in which he plays

j“ living and loving is his only game

j“ women they fall at his feet

j“ while men fear him out there in the street

j“ his name brings terror to all of those

j“ who tried to cross him once before

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ petey wheatstraw

j“ the devil's son-in-law

j“ Leroy's killing, they're in a spot

j“ the fire burned him and it's really hot

j“ they tried to pass the ball

j“ to petey, petey, petey wheatstraw

j“ then things are going well for petey

j“ as the devil's right hand man

j“ til the day