All language subtitles for Brooklyn.Nine-Nine.S01E14.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Morning, Scully.
How was your weekend? Oh, it was fun.

Kelly and I hit the park,
went for a long walk,

fell asleep watching TV.

Well, sounds like a
fun weekend with Kelly.

So, Kelly…

Is that Scully's wife or his dog?

Wait. No one knows Scully's wife's name?

I think Kelly is his dog.

"Went for a long walk."
That's what you do with a dog.

You can go on a long walk with a person.

At sunset.
Talking about nothing and everything.

Sounds awful.
"Hit the park." That's a dog.

My wife takes the babies
to the park all the time.

All right, we're doing this.
Let's play "Wife or Dog."

Hey. So, Scully, what do
you do at the park with Kelly?

Oh, we just walk around.

She gets antsy if she
doesn't get outside enough.

And then it's just "yap,
yap, yap" all day long.

Hey. What's Kelly's favorite food?

Peanut butter!
She'll eat it right out of the jar.

How old is Kelly again?

Well, she's getting up there.
But she's pretty spry for her age.

Especially considering she
got hit by that car a year ago.

Oh, that's so awful. Was she
chasing something into the street, or…

Nah.

Just getting me the newspaper.

All right, this is useless.

Scully, is Kelly your wife or your dog?

How can you ask me that?

-I still don't know which it is.
-BOYLE: Could be either.

Could not tell you.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

HOLT: Okay, what have you got? Yep.

Oh, sir, are you
looking for your glasses?

I borrowed them to do
an impression of you.

It killed.

[MOCKINGLY] Peralta, give me my glasses.

Peralta, give me back my glasses.
Ooh, okay.

All right. Lay out the steroids case.

It's a major operation,

and one of the biggest black-market
distributors in all of Brooklyn.

And it's centered at a gym
called Brooklyn Total Body.

The focus of our investigation
is a guy named Brandon Jacoby.

He did seven years at Rikers for assault.

[GRUNTING]

[YELLING]

We've spent two weeks
undercover, infiltrating the gym.

"Gym-filtrating" it. I coined that.

I think it will really catch on if
more people infiltrated gyms.

We believe that Jacoby
can link us to the distributors.

But he only talks to trainers
and other muscle-heads.

So we want to bring in the Sarge.

His name will be Trent Carter.

A personal trainer, bouncer and
assistant manager at PetSmart.

It's the economy. What can you do?

Gentlemen, have a seat. Okay.

Sergeant Jeffords is just
getting back in the field.

What if he panics again?

Why is everyone so
worried about the Sarge?

I mean, he saved
your life at the rail yard.

Okay. It's your case.

But if anything goes wrong, it's on you.

Trust me. The sergeant will be fine.

If you want to worry about anyone

panicking in the field,
it should be Boyle.

Damn straight.

Wait, why did I high-five that?

Because you're a sucker for a high-five.
Damn straight I am.

Captain, I need a favor.

My apartment got broken into last night.

Gina, that's terrible. Are you okay?

I'm fine, but I suffered the
loss of many treasured items,

such as my grandma's jewelry, some cash

and this very fancy gown
with, like, a Magic Eye print.

Do you have any
connections in the FBI or CIA?

There's no one else I
can turn to solve this crime.

Gina, you work in a police precinct.
You could turn to anyone here.

You think these buffoons can help?
They're buffoons.

They are not buffoons.

Try the heel.

Still don't feel anything.

Awesome! I wish I had nerve damage.

Some of them are buffoons. But I'll
find some non-buffoons to investigate.

Could you ask Scully
to return my thumbtacks?

I already put them in a biohazard
bag and tossed them in the furnace.

Good call.

You ready, Sarge? I was born ready.

And then, I was not
born ready for a while,

but now I'm back to being born ready.

Yes! The Ebony Falcon soars again.

The Ebony Falcon.
His feathers are muscles.

Let's talk strategy later
tonight at my house.

My wife is working late.
I'm on daddy duty.

But you're ready for this, right?
Absolutely.

I just need to put my precious
babies to bed with a story.

The Ebony Falcon needs to read Go, Dog.
Go!

Yeah, he does. Terry Jeffords is back!
Chest bump me.

You don't want to do this, man.
No, I really do.

It hurts you every time.
No, I know. But I'm fired up.

The adrenaline is gonna carry me through.

Here we go. [GROANS]

No signs of forced entry at the
door, but the window was jimmied.

You don't have locks on your windows.

Way to blame the victim.

Sorry, I'm not rich like you, Miss 1 %.

They cost $8. You have a fur bedspread.

Why do you have so many Lycra body suits?

And why do you need eight
full drawers of underwear?

Because I'm civilized.

Less "talky-talk," more "solvy-solve."

We need an itemized list of
everything that was stolen.

I already gave it to Captain Holt.

"$160 in cash, one TV.

"One large painting of
a naked lady on a lion.

"One set of Joseph
Gordon-Levitt nesting dolls." Wow.

Homemade, and irreplaceable.

"One music box that plays She
Works Hard for the Money when opened.

"One knock-off designer clutch."

Can't you just buy another knock-off?

No, I can't, Silly Sue.

'Cause the label no
longer makes the original,

so the sweatshop no
longer makes the knock-off.

Can you estimate the value
of everything that was taken?

Emotionally? $700 million.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Somebody at the door. Hey, Sarge.

Sorry about the mess.

Hi, Cagney. Hi, Lacey.

Hey, your kids like the
same kind of cereal as me.

Well, we just finished story time.

I'm gonna kiss the girls night-night,
then we can get down to business.

All right. Time for night-night, girls.

He is so strong but so gentle.

He's like an enormous,
muscular Ellen DeGeneres.

You know, I just want to let you guys know
that I love you girls so, so much. Okay?

So, sleep tight.

You know Daddy would
never leave you, right, girls?

Rock-a-bye baby… Gosh.

It really makes you understand
what he went through.

I'm worried about Terry.

We can't let anything bad happen to him.

Jake, where are you?

In here.

This is a classy teepee.

Should we get these
instead of desks at work?

We have to get Terry off this case.

What? Why?

Look, I thought he was a weirdo
for having his year-long freak-out,

but I get it now.

He has children.

What happens to them if he gets hurt?

I'll have to take care of them.

Or his wife or other family or his more
mature friends, but interesting point.

Why is this just hitting you now?

I don't know. I guess I just
hadn't seen his kids in so long.

He never takes them around
the precinct for some reason.

[GASPS] Because of
all the guns and danger!

If you have concerns, maybe
you should talk to Terry about it.

No, and you can't either.

If he finds out we're worried about him,
it will get in his head and freak him out.

He'll lose his edge and panic.

Yeah, that's why I've never
tried to develop an edge.

You can't lose what you don't have.

No surprises.
What are you guys talking about?

International taxes and tariffs. Work.

Work.

So… What's the plan at the gym?

Oh, I say we slow-play it. You know?

Do a little more setup, a little
surveillance, wait a couple of months,

and see if they turn themselves in.

Listen, man, I know
everybody's worried about me

being psychologically ready for this.

But I promise you, I am.

No matter what happens, no
matter how many bullets are flying,

I'm gonna be right there in the
middle of everything. I got your back.

No, it's not even that, you know?
It's just…

Well, frankly, I'm not
so sure that everyone

at the gym is going
to buy you as a trainer.

You've been sitting
behind that desk for so long,

you've gotten a little tubby. Right?

It's like, love handle alert!

Do you have a bone there somehow?

Jake, I promise. I'm good.

Oops. I got to put this stuffed
giraffe between my two girls.

They both like to
snuggle against his head.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Here comes
Mr. Snuggles. Here comes Mr. Snuggles.

Okay, thanks.

Crime tech report from
your apartment came back.

Apparently, they found a strand
of hair belonging to Mario Lopez?

I bought a lock of his hair at an auction.
That's cool, it's real.

Uh, what did they say about the prints?

None of the partials
returned any matches.

Nobody in your building saw anything.
We've hit a wall.

So, what do we do next?
Do I just look for another apartment?

Should I buy a handgun?

Should I buy a shotgun?

Should I buy an Uzi?

Look, Gina, we've done all we can.

This how it goes with most B&Es.

Mmm. All right. [LAUGHS] C'est la vie.

Let me grab your badge numbers.

Because I will be filing an official
civilian complaint with the Captain.

[LAUGHING]

Why did I just receive a
civilian complaint about you two?

I can answer this.
Because your assistant is a goblin.

Captain, we swept the scene, ran
the prints, canvassed the building.

We followed procedure.

"Procedure" is just a fancy
word for proper order to do things.

Yes. That is its definition.

This is a miscarriage of justice.

I'm gonna haunt your dreams.

You sure you can lift this much weight?

Are you kidding me? I was the strongest
kid at my camp seven summers in a row.

It would have been eight if that freak
Rebecca Lobelman hadn't showed up.

Let's put in work. [SIGHS]

Here we go. One and I'm done. That's it.

[GRUNTS] Oh, good rep.
Don't want to get too bulky.

Two things. First, this gym's wipe-down
policy is criminally lax, so I rewrote it.

Second, I lowered the temperature
of the water fountain by two degrees.

Still waiting on feedback, but
I see a lot of refreshed faces.

Also, Brandon Jacoby should be here soon.

How was that not one of your two things?

I gave his regular trainer the day off.

I told him Trent would be filling in.

It was an interesting interaction.

Well, according to my new
cloud-based scheduling system,

your trainer's out and
Trent will be filling in.

[GRUNTS]

I spent 40 minutes making
that water bottle pyramid display.

This guy is a psycho.

You know the best way
to deal with psychos.

The silent treatment.

We should draw him out by not engaging.

Nope. The longer we wait, the
more likely our cover gets blown.

I'll make contact.

Okay, but just remember.

You're not Terry, you're Trent.

Trainer and known hemophiliac.
So be careful.

Trent is also a Quaker who
avoids violence at all costs.

You Trent?

Yup.

A black Trent. One of many.

Uh, what do you want to start with today?

Weights.

Excuse me, sir.
Can I borrow this machine?

I need to be here to
keep an eye on a friend.

[LOUD GROAN]

Hold on. I'm on my last set. Okay.

Two…

[STRAINS] Three. Can you go any faster?

What do you need leg muscles for anyway?
You're, like, 100 years old.

It's socially acceptable for
you to roll around on a scooter.

I lost the count.

[GROANS] One.

One?

PERALTA: Come on.
You're not even moving. Let's go.

Get your hands off me!
I've heard about this in the news.

You're cyber-bullying me! Shh. Shh.

I'm getting the manager.
Get the hell away from me.

You're very misinformed.
Please don't… Damn it.

Hey.

Have you seen Terry? I lost him.

His children could be orphans already.

Fatherless, mother-having orphans.

I'm sure he's fine.

I think the bigger issue is the complaint
I received from an older gentleman

saying you tried to hurry him off his
machine in open defiance of gym protocol.

Don't do this. I know we're friends,

but if you do that again, I'm gonna
have to suspend your membership.

What have you become? Me.

I've become me. What?
Oh, Sarge. Thank God.

Where were you? What happened?

Nothing happened.

Jacoby wanted to do wind sprints outside.

You know, he's a mean dude,
but I think I'm making progress.

He asked to borrow my squat belt.

I told him no.

He respected that.

Okay, but let's build up that
relationship slowly, okay?

We don't want to jump
the gun and spook him.

JACOBY: Whoo!

What's up? Good workout.

You know, it's weird I never
worked out with you before.

What did you say your regular gym was?

I didn't. Brooklyn Bulk Fitness.

Huh?

I work out there, too.

I've never heard of any Trent.
I don't know why.

I work out there all the time. Really?

Starting when? NYPD! Hands on your head.

My God, you're gigantic.
What are you doing, Peralta?

You just blew my cover!
Or did I save your life?

Or did you compromise an investigation
and piss off a superior officer?

I'm sensing from your tone it's that one.

SANTIAGO: I need some afternoon coffee.
[YAWNS]

What's the matter with you?

Gina came by my house
last night to go over the case.

Between us doing that and her
using my bread-maker all night,

I didn't get much sleep.

I will say she makes a wonderful rye.

So dense, yet so moist.

Hello, ladies.

Since you have allowed crime to win,

I have hired a private
investigator to solve my case.

Say hello to Leo Sporm.

A PI? Those guys are hacks.

How do you know if your
husband's a murderer?

You don't.

ANNOUNCER: Call Leo now.

Leo Sporm. How's business?

You know this guy?

Everyone knows him.

The Picasso of hucksters.

I like that.

Look up who Picasso is.

Sporm. Out. Now. [SIGHS]

You blew our cover, man.

Now I got to go into an
interrogation with no evidence

and try to get Jacoby
to rat out his distributors.

I'm sorry I got jumpy.

I wasn't thinking straight.
It was all the exercise.

The blood from my
head rushed into my delts.

Point to your delts, Jake.

There it is…

You didn't have to hop in there, man.

I can handle this.

What's my name? Terry Jeffords.

What is my name? The Ebony Falcon.

And what does the Ebony Falcon do?

Takes every precaution to
ensure his own safety? [GROWLS]

Takes bad guys to
jail and bad girls to bed.

Hell, yeah, he does.
Except now the Ebony Falcon is monogamous

and too tired for sex, so his only
indulgence is fresh fruit yogurt parfaits.

Terry loves yogurt.

How's it going?

Well, so far, Jacoby
hasn't given anything up.

But I think Terry's starting
to get to him. I'm not talking.

You're talking right now. Boom!

I'm already in your head.

The Sarge is safe in there, so the longer
this interrogation goes, the better.

We've got to solve the
case before he does. Hey.

Tell me about that new system you set
up at the gym for scheduling appointments.

I've been waiting so long
to hear you say those words.

Come with me. Experience the
future of cloud-based scheduling.

Okay.

I put all the trainers' schedules
into a shared online calendar.

Aside from the cucumber
water at the front desk,

it's probably my greatest
accomplishment ever.

Hang on a sec. Who's this guy?

Says he's a personal trainer at
the gym, but he has no regular hours.

He always makes last-minute
appointments, always in the boxing area

and always late at night.

And look who he trains. Brandon Jacoby.

That's probably our supplier. We should
set up a buy from this Vladimir Rincic.

All right.

We should set up a
tactical team and hit the gym.

And Sergeant Jeffords should stay
here and keep interrogating Jacoby

for as many hours or years as necessary.

Are you sure I shouldn't go get him?

I feel a little uncomfortable
leaving him out of this.

Don't think of it as
leaving him out so much

as including his babies
in having a father.

Let's go.

Detectives. Where are you going?

We're just headed out
to close the steroid case.

Isn't Sergeant Jeffords
interrogating the suspect now?

Yep, he's got that locked up.
We're following up on this lead.

The whole team is running smoothly and

perfectly like a
well-lubed, oiled time clock.

Bye.

Why do you think Gina hired that PI?

To mock us.

She's scared.

She's not scared. With all due
respect, sir, Gina has no feelings.

She once said the best comedy of all
time was The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

Well, think about how she's been acting.

Gina came by my house last night.

Do I buy an Uzi?

I asked for a police
officer to escort me to work.

And it took a while for dispatch to
find me a young Kevin Costner type.

Her home doesn't feel safe anymore.

If someone broke into your
apartment, and you weren't cops,

wouldn't you be scared? Yes.

Depends.
How many guns do I still have hidden?

None. Do I still have my knife?
Nunchucks?

Ax? It was a hypothetical question.

I know, but I want to play it out.
Do I still have my throwing stars?

This has taken a strange turn.

Fine.

I'd be scared. We're on it.

What kind of woman doesn't have an ax?

All right, we're all set for the sting.

We've got hidden cameras, wireless
mics, and tactical teams by all the exits.

I told Vladimir to meet Vance
Vandervaven, aka me, here at 10:00.

I said that I was filling in for Jacoby.

You and I will be
sparring when he arrives.

Cool. I boxed at the academy.

They invented a new weight class for me.

You are looking at the undisputed
bubble-weight champion.

Hey! Peralta! Boyle!

Sarge! Hey!
So psyched you made it here to the sting,

that I definitely told
Charles to tell you about.

You lied to me!
I can see that you're upset.

But let's just sit
down and talk about it.

Done talking.

Time to dance.

Fine. But I should warn you.
I took three years of tap.

Again, Sarge, it's so good to see you.

Uh, just out of curiosity, how
did you find out about this?

I'm a detective sergeant in the NYPD.

Holt told me. Why are you
cutting me out of the operation?

What? That's crazy.

Boyle, come in here and stand in front
of my body and tell him that's crazy.

Ow! My lucky face!

You gonna talk to me now? Uh, sure.

Uh, if you could be any vacation…
Ow! You didn't let me finish.

[LAUGHS] If you could be any
vacation, what would you be?

I'd be skiing.

Oh, now I'm gonna hit you for real.

That wasn't for real? Oh, my God.

No, wait, wait, wait! I was worried.

Worried about what?
About you getting hurt.

I don't want your daughters
growing up without a dad.

I know what that's like and it sucks.
And I don't want it to happen to them.

Why didn't you just say something to me?

Because I didn't want to get in your
head and have you freak out again.

Well, I get it.

It's been a rough year.
But I've learned to embrace my fears.

It makes me a better cop.

Tacs One and Two are set.
Thirty minutes until the bogies arrive.

Thanks, Boyle.
I love it when you say "bogies."

So, we good? We good.

And for the record, if I
could be any kind of vacation,

I'd be a lake trip. Classic.

You're here late.

Uh, you know me. I love working.

Can't tear me away from my work.

I just love requisitions and
corporate record reports.

Just…
You know, messages from people for Holt.

I can imagine how
frightening this must be.

I'm sorry we didn't catch the guy.
Yeah. It's weird.

It's like, why do the worst things
always happen to the best people?

And what's to keep it
from happening again?

We are. Come on.

We're taking you home. Really?

We installed a second
lock on your front door,

put locks on the windows by the fire
escape and set all your lights on timers.

That makes me feel so much better.
Thank you, guys.

And as a token of my
appreciation, I would like to give you

these. Great.

The cool thing is, you can eat whatever
you want. These are right there with you.

Hey. You Vance Vandervaven? Yeah.

That's me. I'll be right there.

You gonna let me do this, man?
What choice do I have?

You hit me in the arms so
hard, they no longer work.

All right.
It's time to catch some bad guys.

It's good to be back.

Have a fun steroid deal, Sergeant.

You're a weird guy, Jake. Yeah.

The Ebony Falcon. No.

The Ebony Falcon had no fear.

He's the Ebony Antelope now.

Brave enough to drink at the lake,
but wise enough to run from the lions.

Hey, my arms don't work.

Can you scratch my nose?
Mmm-hmm. You bet.

Yeah. Thank you.

Morning, Captain.

So? How did Sergeant Jeffords do?

Why is everyone so
worried about the Sarge?

He was amazing.
He made the buy, took out the suppliers,

but wisely didn't take on
more than he could handle.

I left one for you.

And you'll be happy to know that he
punched me in the face several times.

That does make me happy.

Guess we're being candid today.

Hey, Sarge. Just for the record.

I hope you're on every case
with me for the rest of my career.

I'm not scared for you at all.

Of you, a lot. Thanks, Jake.

Oh, Peralta, I almost forgot.

My girls made you a card.

To thank you for keeping me safe. Aw.

They're so full of potential. [CHUCKLES]

Why would you show me this?