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[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

The Pig Keeper's Daughter.

The Pig Keeper's Daughter.

Talk about a gal with a down-home charm.

We're talking about The Pig Keeper's Daughter.

Talk about a gal with a wide open kiss.

She's got the kind of loving you don't wanna miss.

The Pig Keeper's Daughter.

The Pig Keeper's Daughter.

Talk about a gal with a down-home curse.

We're talkin' bout the Pig Keeper's Daughter

She's a wild and woolly gal with a spot on her face

When she makes love she shakes all over the place

The Pig Keeper's Daughter

Pig Keeper's Daughter

The Pig Keeper's Daughter

The Pig Keeper's Daughter

Talkin' bout a gal with a down-home charm

We're talkin' bout the Pig Keeper's Daughter

(music)

Lord Hamilton, you are the handsomest fella in the world

Seems to me you could run for president or something

Seeing how bright you are

Ifin' you was a little taller, we

could go to dances and moot picture shows

And all such

How'd you like that, Lord Hamilton?

Don't you say nothin' bout my pigs

They ain't here to defend themselves

Your daughter's gonna end up the same as you

All you ever care about is your pigs

Pigs make a lot better friends than some people I know

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, nothin'

Only a pig wouldn't do nothin' to hurt a person on purpose

Well, you better forget about them pigs

And start thinkin' about how

you're gonna marry your daughter off

Cause ain't no guy around who's

gonna put up with her and those pigs

Now, Molly, when it's right, it'll be right

The guy what's right for my little

gal will just walk right up and then say

"Howdy! I'm here to ask for Moonbeam's hand"

Well, it'll have to be soon

Or he'll have to be good at pushin' a wheelchair

Cause she's already nineteen

Hi, Wingate

Oh, hi

Where's Patty?

She don't wanna see you know-how

How would you know, Wingate?

I know

Hey, now, Wingate, don't get yourself so heated up, boy

Just gonna buy yourself a pack of trouble

Someday you'll get yours, Jasper!

He loves me, he loves me not

He loves me, he loves me not

He loves me, he loves me not

He loves me, he loves me not

He loves me, he loves me not

He loves me, he loves me not

Jasper, you better leave me be

Why? Who you servin' it for?

(Coughing)

I ain't got a fella and you know it

No shots, honey

I'd be your fella

You just let me test how cold

the water was before I jumped in

Ain't no testing goin' on with me, Jasper

Aw, come on, Patty

Come on

(Music)

(Music)

Please don't, I can't

Sure can, honey, it's all right, I'll be careful

(Music)

Please don't, Jasper

(Music)

Why'd you do that?

I had to, do you know what we almost did?

Shh, do I know what we almost did?

Do I know what we almost did?

You're damn right I know what we almost did

What do you think I am, a ten year old idiot?

Shh, well we can't do that, I'm a virgin

What the hell you think that thing was made for?

To put in one of your malls cannon jars

In the piccolates so you can keep it forever?

No, of course not

But it just ain't right to give it

to anybody what happens to pass by

I'll tell you what, pretty Patty

You can keep that damn thing till it rots off

But I'm going over the hill to Moonbeams

Cause she knows where it's for and how to use it to boot

(Music)

What'd you find down there to eat, Lord Hamilton?

I swear, you're worse than some of the fellas I know

Always getting your nose into everything

Lord Hamilton, did I ever tell you

a story about the fairy princess?

Was walking along?

Well she found a little pig just like you

As she picked him up, he kissed him

And he turned into a handsome young prince

Moonbeam, you plumb crazy or something talking to that pig?

What's wrong with talking to a pig?

It's about the only truly friend I have

I want to tell you Moonbeam, that

little pig can't give you what I got for you

No matter how much he tries

(Music)

Now, you know what I mean, Moonbeam?

I sure do

Can I look at it and watch it get hard, Jasper?

It's a little late for that,

it's done plumb hard when I got here

Shucks, that's the most fun of all watching it growl

I'll tell you what we'll do Moonbeam

We'll do it once, and then we'll finish

And I'll let you watch it get hard

And then we'll do it again

(Music)

Are you going to stay with me all over, Jasper?

Sure, sure, honey

Anything you want

Okay, it's a deal

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Wow, it's really big

I wasn't kidding, Moonbeam

I was plumb thinking about you clear over that hill

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Well, that's a nice ascent I've

ever done late hours on, Moonbeam

Do you like to kiss some, Jasper?

Sure, sure thing, honey

I really am glad you came over, Jasper

I really do like to do this

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Let's take your clothes off too, Jasper

So as I can feel your skin next to mine

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Glad to clear, that looks like fun

I wonder why Master was so terrible

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Here in the back woods, the people ain't too bright

But along comes a salesman and sets things right

He sells his perfume in pretty panties blue

To the local yokels and their pretty daughters too

When the stars are right and the old man's not at home

He takes his thing and does it all right

The life of a salesman's a happy delight

When he gets his milky on a cold winter's night

I'm not too particular about the women I choose

If they're too bad, I'll hide it with booze

(Music)

Well, looky here

Hiya, stranger

Hi

You're just out for a stroll, or you in trouble?

Man, you won't believe my troubles

Can't you get loose?

No

How'd you get there in the first place?

I started out this morning early and had gone ten miles

Before I had a flat tire

And after I fixed it, I had gone another ten miles

Before I run out of gas

I hiked clear into the town and got gassed and hiked back

I got gone again and then I picked up a hitchhiker

I saw a sword for him

I did

Anyway, when I get out in the country a bit

He pulled out this say gun and tells me to pull up hard

Made me take off all my clothes and tie me up here

Just like you see me

Bro, I'd say you had your share of troubles, mister

You can say that again

Well, I guess this is your unlucky day

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How far you going?

Out down the road

Uh, you looking for a girl?

Why, sure

Well, where do you want to go?

Anywhere you are

Hmm, excuse me, I want to get a little more comfortable

See ya

Sure is hot today

Yeah

How bad you looking for a girl?

Well, a guy can always use a pretty girl like you

Got any bread, man?

I don't understand

You know cash?

Yeah, a little, but I don't ever pay for it

Oh, you don't mind if I take off my t-shirt, do you?

I don't know

Hmm

Drop me off about here

Now, wait a minute

There might be able to work out a deal somehow

25 bucks

25 bucks?

I only got 10, I was figuring out a motel room

Well, fine, drop me off at the next little town

Gee

(piano music)

(piano music)

Take it easy, fella

You're still pointing down

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(laughing)

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Make love to me

Yes

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(piano music)

Oh

Ah

Ooh

(piano music) Oh, man.

Yeah.

Oh.

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Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

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Well, that'll be 50 bucks.

50 bucks?

I thought you said 25.

Well, I'm only 15.

You wouldn't want to have it known that you

raped a 15-year-old child.

I don't see why you don't sell them pigs and raise chicken

or something that doesn't smell.

Now, you be careful what you say about my pigs.

Well, they sensitive, and they might hear you.

I'll tell you one thing for sure.

If you don't do something about moonbeams soon,

I'm going to leave you.

Well, if that's true, and you've got to go,

well, you take the old dodge because I

need the truck for them pigs.

Yeah.

Damn cat.

Now, don't go get all bent out of shape.

Any day now, someone's going to come along.

Well, that just might be him now.

Well, now, lookie here.

We've been waiting for you.

Come on in.

I'm Mr. Swanner, and this is

the Mrs. What can we do for you?

I work for Ladies Beautiful Corporation.

That is, I or we travel from town to town,

leaving behind beautiful women.

That is, women that are strong enough to face the world

as an altogether different and more beautiful woman.

But I don't know about Mrs. Swiner.

A woman with that much beauty

is pretty difficult to come by

and very difficult to improve.

Well, I'm going out and pick up after the pigs.

You spread it around in here.

My, don't that smell scrumptious?

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Just sit yourself right down there.

I got a little light in here that when you spray it

on the most beautiful part of your body,

it makes it smell like lemon lye.

Who'd ever want that on their face?

It's not for your face, man.

It's for the other beautiful part of your body.

Why, I declare.

Moon main.

Moon main.

I'll be back in a couple of days, Moon B.

We'll have to get hot again.

Molly.

I may call you Molly.

Sure you can.

Doesn't that feel good?

I let you massage a little higher if you gave me

a bottle of that stuff.

Sure, Molly.

I can massage your shoulder too

if you could remove your blouse.

That'd be nice. But it'd be nicer if you gave me a bottle of that stuff for removing my blouse. Why, why sure.

That's OK. I'll do it. [sigh]

[sigh]

Now, you said my shoulders.

After all, it's only one bottle.

Would you like another one?

Sure I would.

Would you consider removing your bra?

Why, sure, if I could have a couple of those.

Maybe a person shouldn't take something

for doing something like this.

Somehow it just don't seem right.

That's OK.

I was planning on giving you some presents anyway.

Then would you throw a pair of those stockings in?

Why, why sure, Miss Molly.

Wow.

Wow.

You know, I have some lotion that would be considerably

good for your legs.

Would you like to try some?

Depends.

On what?

If an eye put it on fine.

If you put it on, then I think we ought

to give me a few samples.

Yeah.

Well, that's fine.

Well, that's just fine.

Here, let me do that.

Yeah.

Wait a minute. [music playing]

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But you haven't done the other leg yet.

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There, let's do it.

Can we take off your skirt?

I might consider it if you give me a month's supply

of a band's sweet smell.

That's all.

Oh, Christ.

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Baby.

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Wow.

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You got the best looking thighs

I've ever seen in my whole life.

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We might make a deal for my panties

if you give me the rest of the stuff on the table.

It's all yours.

All of it.

Every single one.

All of them.

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Oh, baby.

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That's the best looking pussy I've ever seen.

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Oh, I could eat you out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Oh, baby, let's fuck.

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Now, wait a minute.

You have to take off your clothing.

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Oh, baby, come on.

Fuck you, baby.

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- Mommy, get down.

Oh, come on.

- Baby.

(baby groans)

- Oh, baby, come on.

- Yo, baby.

- Come on, baby.

- Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

(soft music)

(baby mumbles)

- Baby.

(soft music)

(baby groans)

- Oh.

- Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

- Just like I knew.

- Yeah.

(soft music)

- Wow, wow.

- Is it any good for me?

(baby groans)

- Baby.

(soft music)

(soft music)

- Oh, this feels so good.

(soft music)

- Oh, come on.

- Baby.

Oh, baby, come on.

Fuck you, baby.

- Now.

- Keep her, come.

- Whoa.

- Come on.

- Ew.

- Oh.

Oh, this is so good.

Oh, come on.

(soft music)

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(baby groans)

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(baby groans)

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- Hi, Wingate.

Where's Patty?

(soft music)

What's the matter, little boy?

Can't got your tongue or something?

- I seen you putting your dirty hands

all over my sister this morning.

If you weren't such a worthless bum, I'd hit you.

- Go ahead.

Anyway, boy, I sure don't need the exercise.

(grunts)

- Now, Wingate boy, I do believe

you just overloaded your ass.

(grunts)

- Come on, Jasper.

(grunts)

- All right now, Wingate.

Where's Patty?

- She ain't been home since morning.

- You didn't have to go through that beating, did you, boy?

- Just to tell me that.

- What am I going to do now that I gave you my whole stock?

- Don't you worry none.

Wasn't it worth it?

- Well, thought so then, but now I don't know.

- Well, don't worry, I've got a plan for you.

I might give you back some of the stuff

if you do me a little favor.

- Anything, anything at all.

- Now, you come over here and sit down,

and we'll talk about it.

(footsteps)

- My daughter, Moo Mee, has never seen

any of this pretty stuff yourself.

And I figure if she'd gotten to keeping herself pretty,

then it'd be easier for her to catch a man, now.

- Hey, Jasper!

- How are you, Patty?

- Who you looking for, Jasper?

- Well, I was kind of looking for your brother,

and probably might want to go fishing.

- Well, he might be along just any minute now.

Why don't you come in and talk to me while I do my chores?

- Well, I kind of did want to go fishing,

but, well, I guess the same fish will be there tomorrow.

(birds chirping)

- Have a seat, Jasper, while I go in

and freshen up a little bit.

I know I must look amiss.

- Well, I figured you were a clown,

and that old mule kind of plumb-drug you off.

- Just about right.

But it weren't such a bad ride after all.

(footsteps)

- Hey, what you doing in there, Patty?

Doesn't take you that long to wash your face.

- I'm coming, Jasper.

I just want you to see me pretty, that's all.

- Turn me on just the way you were.

Kind of like rough-looking girls.

Wow!

Oh boy, you sure do look like you just walked

out of one of their Hollywood movies.

(footsteps)

- I've seen you making love to moonbeams.

- Did you like the saw?

- I sure did.

Back then, I imagine it was me.

I told you I imagined I did not say I wanted to be me.

Sad, you know I'm a virgin.

- Oh Lord, here we go again.

- Well, if that's all the imagination you've got,

I guess you better leave.

- What are you talking about?

- Well, I talked to Mary Lou, who's a virgin too,

and she told me that Roger just carefully went around

her maidenhood without breaking it.

- He did?

Oh yeah, he did, he sure did.

In fact, I was talking to him just this morning,

and he told me how he did it.

- In that case, I might let you pet with me,

but you gotta be real careful.

- Well, I promise I'll go around it, honey,

just like Roger did with Mary Lou's maidenhood.

(soft piano music)

(soft piano music)

- My, that feels terribly big.

- It sure is.

- Maybe if it's so big, maybe you can't go around my thing.

- Oh no, same size as Roger's, and he did it.

- Can I put my hand inside and touch it?

- You sure can.

(soft piano music)

- I didn't know you didn't kill Beth.

- Well, yeah, because she said it kinda made her

feel real good.

- You want me to kiss it too?

- Hey, you sure you're a virgin?

- Well, of course.

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- Now you be careful, Jasper.

- If it hurts too much, honey,

I'll only put it in a little way.

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[Music]

[Music]

Well, that's just for love you.

I'm in love with you, Lord Hamilton.

There will never be anyone who could take your place.

Now I started to tell you this to your

story about the very princess and the prince.

[Music]

She kissed the pig and he

turned into a handsome young prince.

[Music]

Oh, that feels good.

Young lady, I'm from Ladies Beautiful Corporation and I

spread loveliness and beauty throughout the nation.

Just what is it you're trying to say, mister?

Step right over here, young lady, and

I'll introduce you to a whole new world.

A world where there is only beauty.

It's plenty around here already.

Just climb up here right there on the fence

and I'll show you some more pretty things.

Oh, boy, store-bought stockings.

Ah, but first, we must apply some lotions on your body that

Neforditi used to use in the days of old Rome.

Who used it?

It's not important, but don't you think you ought to take a

bath first, maybe up in the house?

Well, I guess I am a little dirty.

Couldn't I just take a bath in

that horse trough over there?

Why, sure, and I'll even put some

sweet-smelling things in the water for you.

Would you scrub my back, too?

I could never find anybody to do that for me.

Will I ever?

Are you all right? You look mighty peaking.

I'm just fine.

Jasper likes to do that, too. I reckon

we could do that other thing after a bit.

I'm dreaming. Don't wake me up.

Maybe I should take a bath with my clothes on, because

they're just as dirty as I am.

That way I wouldn't have to wash them later.

Oh, no, no, no, no. You shouldn't do that.

You see, if you take your clothes off, I can rub lotion all

over your body, make you feel a lot better.

Okay.

Oh, that's good.

That smells good.

Yeah, it'll get you good and clean all over.

Would you like to get in, take a bath with me?

I sure would.

Okay.