All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation - 7x12 - 7x13 One Last Ride (1) & (2)

I can't believe you got
everyone to show us this early.

Well, today is our last day
we'll all be together.

I need to savor every
moment we have left.

I brought comfort food,
scrapbooks and tissues.

Good lord. Well,
today should be perfect.

And any perfect day
involves crying uncontrollably.

Leslie: Which brings us to 2005.

The circle park
renovation was complete,

and a young man named
Thomas Haverford

was still two years away
from getting hired.

Perhaps we could skip ahead,
and just hit the highlights?

I mean, I planned a
comprehensive retrospective,

but I guess I can just focus on
the really important moments.

Ah! The debate about getting
a pod-based coffee machine.

Garry and I wrote a little
musical number about that.

And it goes a little
something like this.

Why can't we just
quickly shake hands,

pretend we liked each other,

and get out of here?
I'm all for that.

Leslie: No, April, Ron,

we need to celebrate everything

that we've done
together as a group.

This is our last day here.

Who knows when we'll all
be together like this again?

Excuse me. Hi.

There's a swing in
a park near my house

that's been broken
for about three months.

Is it possible
to get that fixed?

"Anything is possible, if you
follow your dreams." Johnny karate.

Except getting a swing fixed. None
of us actually work here anymore.

Come back in two hours
when the office is open.

Thank you. Leslie: Wait.

Actually, sir, we can help.
We can, and we will.

Because when
we used to work here,

helping people was ourjob.

Forget about these old
stories. Let's make a new one.

Let's fix the swing.

One last ride for the parks
and rec gang. Who's in?

All: Yeah!

The vote was four to
three Donna said to get rid of me

but Ron was suspicious
because my coffee was delicious

come on, garry. You're the
mayor now. Have some dignity.

Okay. So, first things first.

Ben, I need you to cancel that
11:00 am. Flight to Washington, DC.

'Cause we have
too much work here.

Yup. I figured something
like this would happen

so I booked us
a backup flight at 6:00.

I love you. You're perfect. You get
me. I'm so glad I'm married to you.

I cannot wait to fix that swing

so we can get your
little butt right in to it.

I know it's weird.
Whatever. It motivates me.

Okay. So, what is our first step

what do we do on our quest
to help this man?

Does anyone remember? Yes.

A parks and recreation
equipment requisition form.

Correct! Five points
for hufflepuff.

Well, everything
is paperless now.

And none of us has a iogin.

So we can't access
the computers.

Donna: Hang on.
I have one right here.

Thanksto Leslie's scrapbook,

"thanks form the memories".

I knew those scrapbooks
were going to come in handy.

You came through
like you always do.

God, I'm going to miss you.

Your confidence,
yourjoie de vivre.

That crazy story about you
getting kicked out of en vogue.

Technically, I kicked them out.

When do you leave for Seattle?

Soon as I get my local
real estate license.

I'm married to a teacher,
and I love the man,

but I also love diamond watches.

Well, whatever happens,
I know that you are

going to live an
exciting and full life.

Thirty-four hundred square feet,

a beautiful view of puget sound,

andifyoulook out this window,

you can watch them build

the new space haystack
around the space needle.

Wow. I can hardly see
the needle anymore.

I know, that's kind of
the point.

So, what are we thinking?

Wow.

It sold in two hours?

You cannot beat the
Seattle real estate market.

I think it's all that coffee
and legal marijuana,

has people wanting to buy
houses quickly and irrationally.

Mmm.

But the giant commission
check has me thinking about...

Mmm-hmm?
Donna-Joe adventure quest.

Ooh! Where are we going?

Well, it can't beat last year.

I mean, middle Korea
is so beautiful.

Here's my idea. The Amazon. Oh!

Three weeks of the best and most

expensive places south
america has to offer.

I love it.

Honestly, with the way work is
going, I just need this right now.

The school cut the
math club. And math.

They just don't teach
math anymore. Oh.

My poor little
do-gooder teacher baby.

Why don't we cuddle up
on the couch, watch a movie,

and then maybe later, I'll
wear that little red thing?

Yes, the red thing.
Here, let me get this.

Call Satan's niece.

Hey, what do you want?

And this is me djing a
boat party in Venezuela.

Kind of reminded me of the
two weeks you and I spent there.

Oh, yeah. That happened.
Yeah, it did.

April! What are you doing here?

Babe, have a seat.

What's going on?

Recently, I was thinking,
for the millionth time,

how lucky I am
to have found you.

So, I've decided
to treat yo' self.

You're going to buy me a
bunch of leather handbags?

Donna is going to
take some of the money

you usually use on your trips

and establish
an education program

through the foundation
I work for.

Donna: It's called
teach yo' self.

And you and the other teachers

will get money for
after-school programs.

For music, art, math,
whatever you want.

Baby, this is really generous.

But I love ourtrips.

And honestly, it's your money.

You should spend it
how you want.

This is what I want. I've
had a lot of adventures.

I single-handedly started that
doorknockers earring trend.

I came in ninth in
Italy's got talent. Yeah.

I served on a Nascar pit crew.

I want a new kind of adventure,

and I want to take it with you.

Okay, I feel like it's time
for me to get out of here.

What is this mess? Why
are you all in my office?

I am calm.

I am grateful. I am Craig.

We are on one last mission
to help the people of Pawnee.

Craig, can you sign the requisition
form? It will speed things up.

You know, Craig,
when I first met you,

I thought, "there is a
man who loves his job."

And then I thought,
"oh, wow, he's intense."

And then I thought,
"oh, no, he's insane.

"That person is psychotic,
and I need to call the police."

Yeah, that's usually
the way it goes.

But I just think
you've come so far.

And I'm so glad
that we are leaving

the parks department
in your hands.

Funny though it's true

those silly things you do

they only bring me

closer to you

My name is Craig middlebrooks,

I'm the part-time sommelier
here at Tom's bistro,

and I'm a very good singer!

Nice crooning, buddy.

The gentleman
over by the bar there

sent you over
this glass of wine,

and his business card.

Okay. So, as you all know...

Okay, fine.

We are gathered here today

to join Craig middlebrooks
and typhoon montalban

in holy matrimony.

I don't know about this.
I'm very scared.

Oh, just relax,
you nervous Nelly.

You're right.
We love each other,

and the tax break
is substantial.

Will the best man
please present the rings?

Good luck, you two.

Typhoon, my love,
happy anniversary.

Do you have any regrets?

Not one. Not a single one.
Do you have any regrets?

Are you kidding? Thousands!

Most recently, this trout!

Okay! April and Andy,
I need to file this.

Would anyone like to
accompany me to the fourth floor?

One iastjourney to the
weirdest place on earth? Yes.

Shotgun! We're just
taking the elevator.

I get to push buttons.
I called it.

Okay. He called it.

Yeah, I know. I heard.

Ethel beavers.
We need this filed, please.

We've gone digital. Get
with the times, you luddite.

Man. Of all the places
in Pawnee,

I'm going to miss
the fourth roor the most.

The disturbing murals, the
ominous lighting, the creepy people.

Hi, April. I'm going to
miss the food in Pawnee.

Taco bell, kfc, pizza hut.

But most of all, I'm
going to miss you, Leslie.

Oh, Andy, all of those things,

including me, will still be
with you in Washington.

That is a beautiful sentiment.

I just want to say
that we are about

to embark on
an amazing adventure.

And whatever happens,

just know that Ben and I
are always there for you.

All: Mmm.

Agent macklin, I need you.

Some thieves are trying to steal

the legendary
snakehole sapphire.

What the... no!

That sapphire has the power to
activate the Cuban missile crisis.

Miss snakehole,
listen to me very carefully.

You are in grave danger.

In order to survive,

you must do
everything I tell you.

Damn it, macklin,

I love it when you take charge.

I must have you.

I know it's against protocol
but make love to me, you fool!

You animal!

Wait, seriously? 'Cause I
will do that right now.

Okay. Raincheck that, all right?

They're here.

All: Trick or treat!

Oh, look at them! Here
you go, you little monsters!

I love this.
You guys are the best.

My love, we have to go.

Just put all the candy
in a bowl or something.

What's wrong?
Did you eat all the candy?

Did you? Yes,

but that's not what's wrong.

It's just... seeing all
those kids out there...

Babe.

I want to put
a babe in you, babe.

Andy, you know
where I stand on this.

Yes, I would love
all the awesome stuff

my body would go through.

I mean, if all it meant
was puking

and getting weird stretch marks

and veins everywhere,
then sign me up.

But at the end, we've
brought a child into the world?

That's disgusting.

No. They wipe all of the
disgusting stuff off of it immediately.

I want a little April.

Or even a little boy April.

I know, I just can't
wrap my head around it.

We're going to be
late for dinner.

Okay. Letsgo.

April: Hey! Ben: Come on in.

Leslie: Hey! Always nice
to see Janet snakehole

and Burt macklin in the mix.

What are you guys dressed as?

Oh, I'm Sandra
Dee o'Connor. Get it?

Sandra Dee plus
Sandra day o'Connor?

Who's Sandra Dee?

Who's Sandra day o'Connor?

Forget it.

And I am the lamplighter,

a character from
my new board game sequel,

cones of dunshire,
winds of tremorrah.

Gameplay magazine called it
"punishingly intricate."

Wow, Ben, that is so cool. That
is such a cool thing to dress up as.

You know, April, I know
you think cones is lame

but if you played just once,

I promise you that you would
love it. All right, let's play.

Really? No.

Hey, where are the kids at?

I want to say hi and wrestle
all three of them at once.

Oh, they're trick-or-treating in
Georgetown with some friends.

It's just us grown-ups
tonight. No kids at all.

Hey, Andy, why don't you
give me a hand in the kitchen?

So? What do you
need a hand with?

Oh, no, I just thought
you mightwant to talk.

Whoa!

Dude, that's really slick.

Man, that's some secret
agent stuff right there.

So, April's still on
the fence about kids, huh?

Yeah, and I'm freaking out, man.

I want kids so bad.

You know, yesterday,
I was at the park,

and I saw this group
of eight-year-olds

laughing and playing
and having a good time.

I almost started crying.

Granted, I had just
face-planted on my rollerblades.

That's what they
were laughing at.

Sure.

It was emotional.

You know April. She has
to come to it in her own time.

She'll get there.

What if she doesn't?

Take one of our kids.
We don't need all three.

Oh, my god, Ben. Thank you.

Oh, no, no, I was kidding.

Yeah.

April: All right, go ahead.
What?

You're going to
lecture me about how

Andy and I should have kids.

You're going to be like, "they're
so great. They change your life.

"And yes, they drive you nuts,
but it's all worth it

"for the beauty and
the majesty and the glory

"of their little faces in the
morning." Blah, blah, blah and barf.

You know why it's so unfair?

Because you guys got so lucky.

You had sex one time
and you had three kids

and they're all, like, smart
and great and healthy.

You think that's the only
time we had sex? Yes.

And now, your lives are perfect.

But our life is
pretty perfect already.

And you know what? Kids
act the opposite of their parents.

That's why your
kids are so cool.

But Andy and I are cool already,

so our kids will be, like,
really lame and weird.

I'm sorry. I just don't
know what to do.

Please tell me what to do.
What do I do?

It's not about trying to
make your life perfect.

Nobody's lives are perfect.

You have kids because
you and Andy are a team,

and you want to bring in
some new team members.

So, you think we should?

I don't know if you should
have kids. I really don't.

But I do like your team.

All right, Ms. Ludgate.
We're getting close.

Babe, you look more beautiful
right now than I have ever seen you.

Wow.

Just your luck that you're
going into labor on Halloween.

Can I get a warm towel
to get that makeup off?

No! I want it on.

That's the whole point. I put the
makeup on after I went into labor.

Whatever blows your skirt up.
Okay. You ready to push?

Wait, no, babe,
my birth mix. Oh.

Woman: He did the mash...

Dr. Saperstein: Here comes
a contraction. Are you ready?

Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this.

It was a graveyard smash
he did the mash

it caught on in a flash
he did the mash

he did the monster mash

from the laboratory
in the castle east...

Andy: Burt macklin junior?

April: Mmm, we need
a Halloween angle.

How about demon spawn
baby Satan dwyer?

Oh, I like that. Yeah. Or maybe,

Burt snakehole ludgate

karate Dracula macklin
demon Jack-o'-lantern dwyer.

We call him Jack for short.

What a beautiful baby.

His name is Jack.

Strong name.

Listen, when you get a chance, will
you sign these documents for me?

I'll be back.

Oh, hey... hold on
a second. Dr. S.

Yes? Hey.

It says on here that the baby
was born November 1st, 12:06 am.

I was wondering if you could
change that to 11:59 on Halloween.

No can do.

You know, I'm a doctor. I have
certain ethical responsibilities.

Yeah, I get it, it's just that
Halloween is very important to my wife,

so could you please just Mark down
that the baby was born on Halloween?

I'll give you a good
review on yelp.

I can't.

Doctor, listen to me
very carefully.

I don't know who you are
or what you want,

but I have a particular
set of skills.

Skills that I have acquired
over a very long career.

Skills that make me a
nightmare for people like you.

Is that the monolog from taken?

My son was born on Halloween.
Do you understand?

Yes, I do.

That's awesome. Thank
you. Yeah, congratulations.

Yeah.

Hey. Hi. Oh, I want to scream, but I
don't want to wake up my godchild.

I'm assuming it's my godchild,
right? We can talk about it later.

Congrats, guys. I know it
came unexpectedly early,

but pretty cool
he was born in Pawnee.

Where do I put these? I have
so many presents, it's weird.

Yes!

Oh, for the baby?

Just put them over there.

Jack. What's his name?

That's good.

Welcome to the team, little guy.

Take this down to maintenance.

I know just where
to take it, Ethel.

And I know just the person
who should accompany me.

I'm a little busy right
now. Not you, Kyle.

How many times did
you and I deliver

a form to maintenance,
just like this?

Oh, so many great conversations,

bonding and mentoring moments.

It seems only right that we
make this journey one final time.

What was that, boo-boo? Nothing.

Ohhh!

Tommy t and sexy lexy knope.

What are you two
bad larrys up to?

Well, this is our
last day in Pawnee

and we have one
last problem to fix.

Hold up. You're leaving?
For truth?

I am going to miss you so much.

What's going on?
You're not injured?

Uh, yeah, I'm injured.

I got a terminal case of "get me
to the front of the line at six flags!"

Both: Sha-boosh!

It's a winter wonderland!

I'm gonna be so sad
to see you go.

Because I finagled my way
onto your family phone plan.

And when you leave,
that all goes away from me.

Jean-ralphio... hush,
chhd. Hush, hush, hush, hush.

Will you do me
one final kindness?

Will you pretend to be my
wife for an insurance scam,

but then we fall
in love for real?

Also, can I have a pair
of your gym socks?

And don't worry.
It's not for anything weird.

It's just a fetish I have.

Jean-ralphio. Yeah.

Although I truly hope that
I never see you again,

I do wish you
a long and happy life.

Rabbi Kurt: Today we say
goodbye to Jean-ralphio saperstein.

As per his last will
and testament,

we will now listen
to his favorite song,

bend over,
by lil Jon featuring tyga.

Man: Bend over
make your knees touch your elbows

bend over make your knees
touch your elbows

whoo! Okay, okay, they
bought it. They bought it.

Do you have the insurance money?

No doubt, no doubt.
Let's hit it, bro.

Time to start a casino in...

Uh, Tajikistan

down in the ground

talking about Tajikistan!

Shh, shh, shh.

This is the best idea
you've ever had.

No, no, no. This is god's
idea. I'm just the vessel.

When you sneak out of here,
do not be suspicious.

Don't be suspicious.
Don't be suspicious.

Don't, don't be suspicious
don't, don't be suspicious

don't, don't be suspicious
don't, don't be suspicious

don't, don't be suspicious
don't, don't be suspicious

don't be suspicious
don't be suspicious

don't be suspicious
don't be suspicious

don't be suspicious
don't be suspicious

don't be suspicious
don't be suspicious

Jean-ralphio?

Go! Go, go, go, go! Tajikistan
or die! Tajikistan or die!

Tajikistan or die!
Tajikistan or die!

So... Tom and I have
a swing to fix. Let's go.

Leslie? I've always loved you.

I know.

Jamm: There's my bestie.

Hey, jamm.

I'm glad I'm catching you
before you jet.

Got a little parting
gift for you.

Horrifying.

Yeah, yoko had
a real killer bod,

just like you.

I'm gonna miss you, les.

You know, in a way,
I'm gonna miss you, too, jamm.

Good luck with whatever
you decide to do.

Hey!

Arigato. Arigato.
Arigato, Daytona beach.

Hey, be good.

Okay.

Oh, man, I forgot that
maintenance was closed on Fridays.

What would our last ride be
without one more bureaucratic snafu?

Don't worry, boo-boo. Tommy
will solve this problem, no sweat.

Can I just say, Tom, you
have accomplished so much,

you have come so far,
now you're so successful...

Don't forget well-dressed.

Yes, and well-dressed.

I am so very proud of you.

Thanks, leshe.
I'm proud of me, too.

Nice crooning, buddy.

Uh, the gentleman
by the bar there

sent you over
this glass of wine,

and his business card.

Okay. So, as you all know,

Tom's bistro has been presented

with a huge
expansion opportunity,

and I don't want to
make a decision until

I hear from my senior
advisory board.

So, is this a good idea?
Accounting nerd.

I'm a congressman, Tom.

Can you at least call me Ben?

No can do, accounting nerd. We all
knew you before you were a big shot.

Let's keep the whining
to a minimum.

Well, there are always
going to be risks

when you open new restaurants.

But you've done your homework.

All the numbers line up.

Side-note,

I would again strongly recommend
adding calzones to the menu.

Hey, all my data suggests that the
country's definitely trending calzone.

The worst. Ron?

It's a bold capitalistic
gambit, son.

But nothing ventured,
nothing gained.

Regal meagle?

Real estate is pretty
cheap right now.

If you're going to do it,
this is a good time.

Okay. I'm doing it.

Over the next five years, there's going
to be 20 Tom's bistros across america.

Look out, world.
Tommy's about to blow up.

And blow up he did,

but not in a good way.

He lost everything.

Today, Tom Haverford
is broke, destitute.

And worst of all, swagger/ess.

Tommy, you've got to stop
watching this. I can't tear myself away.

It's a whole documentary
about my failures.

That you made!

I had to. I have to remember
every tiny awful aspect of this.

I lost everything, Lucy. The
franchises, most of my money...

I had to sell my
pocket square collection!

What are people's eyes
going to be drawn to?

Look, you had a tough break.

The stock market tanked,
credit dried up.

Who could have predicted that
the country would run out of beef?

You've just got to move on.

That's the problem, though.

I've gone bust in the past, but it
was because I did something reckless.

This time, I was smart and
careful, and I still went broke.

What do I do now?

Well, you and I
are going to be fine.

And you'll come up
with a new idea.

You always do.

Well, the cabin is not quite
as rustic as I would like.

Diane made me install luxury
items like a driveway and faucets.

But it's yours
as long as you need it.

Ben and Leslie sent over
this gift basket for you.

No meat, I checked.

Thanks, Ron. Lucy's away
on business for a month,

so I'm just gonna clear my head
and get to work on my next big project.

I'm glad to see you pulling
yourself up off the mat.

What is this project?

I'm gonna write
a blockbuster action film.

You see 10 fast 10 furious:
Tokyo drift 3?

I did not, no.

Well, you might be the
only one. It made $2.9 billion.

Action movies are cash cows.

All I gotta do is churn one
out and let the money roll in.

What is this film about?

I have no idea.
But I have the perfect title.

Sniper race delta:
Beijing inferno.

I know you have had
a rough go of it,

and you can spend your time
however you like.

But whatever you write
is gonna have your name on it.

At least make it something
you're proud of.

Good luck, son.

Tom: I once started
an entertainment company.

It failed in four months.

I opened a clothing
rental store.

I built a restaurant empire.

They all failed.

But the story of america isn't
about second or third chances.

It's about fourth, fifth, sixth,
twentieth, fiftieth chances.

That's how long it took me
to get where I am today.

Bestselling author of... failure:
An American success story.

As you know
ifyou've read the book,

I've outlined seven different
types of successful people.

You can be an Andy.

An April.

A Ben.

A Leslie.

A Ron.

A Donna.

Or my personal favorite. A Tom.

But what do we definitely
not want to be?

All: A garry!

That's right. Do not be a garry.

He's talking about me.

Hey. Hey!

Thanks so much for coming, guys.

Are you kidding?
Tom, this is incredible.

A bestselling book,
a 40-city tour.

Well, I couldn't have
done it without you.

Well, the book is
called failure.

I don't know how to take that.

I'm serious. You guys
have always supported me.

Here, I inscribed you a copy.

Ben: "When I think of success,
I think of you.

"You are a true
inspiration to me.

"I love you. Tom Haverford."

Oh, sorry, that's actually
for Kendrick Lamar.

Here's yours.

"Best wishes."

And I mean every word of it.

So, how are we going
to fix this swing?

Hold a public forum?

Have a rally? Smash that
door and do some looting?

Actually, I think
there's a simpler solution.

We just need the help of the
most powerful man in Pawnee.

Jim, how the heck are you?

Yeah, look,
I hate to bother you,

but I'm here with
my two best friends,

Leslie knope and Tom Haverford.

Shh.

And we need the first-floor
maintenance room open.

Mmm. Okay, great. And
best to Louise and the girls.

Okay, bye-bye.

You guys are all set.

Thank you, mayor gergich.
You really saved our butts.

I am so happy that
you get to be mayor.

Are you enjoying yourself?

Oh, are you kidding me?

Leslie, I know that
this is purely ceremonial

and itwill be over in
just a couple of weeks,

but I just don't know
how my life

could get any better than this.

In a turn of events both
shocking and unexpected,

interim mayor garry gergich

was officially elected today,

thanks to a massive
write-in campaign.

Mayor gergich, what are your
plans for your first actual term?

Oh, geez. Uh, you know
what, I have no idea, perd.

I mean, this is so crazy.

I just hope I do a good job, and I
promise I'm going to try my best.

And faithfully serve the
people of Pawnee, Indiana.

As president of city council,

I, councilwoman Brandi maxxxx,

star of more than 11,000
adult films in the last two years,

officially declare garry gergich

mayor of Pawnee, Indiana,
for the fourth time.

Thank you, Pawnee!

Okay, great.

Garry gergich, you are now
mayor, again, for the tenth time,

proving conclusively that in
these corporate states of america,

it's the entrenched powers
who hold all the cards.

Thank you, councilman Morris.

Thank you, Pawnee!

Happy birthday,
my sweet, sweet husband.

We all love you so much.

I have had the perfect life.

I have had the perfect marriage.

Oh.

The perfect children and
the perfect grandchildren

and great-grandchildren.

And I just want you to know
how much I love you.

Okay. Come on, everybody.
Say "gergich."

All: Gergich!

Minister xorpaxx-7: Mayor garry
gergich died peacefully, in his sleep,

on his 100th birthday, holding
the hand of his beloved wife, Gayle.

Mmm. Gayle looks amazing.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

He will now be given the Indiana
notary society's highest honor,

the 21-stamp salute.

Rest in peace, friend.

They spelled his name wrong
on the tombstone.

Close enough. Hmm.

It's time to go.

Okay. How's this for a headline?

"Still swinging: Parks gang
reunites for one last bang."

That's a little dirty.

Well, it's a headline,
shauna. Sex sells.

Speaking of which,
how's your personal life?

Uh... notgreat.

I met a guy online, and we started
chatting a lot, and I really liked him,

but he turned out to be a computer
program that a scientist invented

to test the gullibility
of human women.

Oh, boy.

Shauna, youte
a very nice person.

And although your life
has been filled with

romantic disasters too horrific
and numerous to catalog,

I just want you to know
that I honestly believe

that you will find
happiness someday.

Excuse me. Ma'am?

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fine.

I was supposed to
get married today,

but my fiance left me
at the altar.

He texted me, "game running
into overtime. I'll try and stop by."

Yeah. Oh. That sucks.

I'm really sorry you're sad.
Nobody should ever be sad.

You know what helps me
when I'm sad?

And I think it might
just help you, too.

What?

Gum.

My company makes it.

Thanks.

Okay. Would you two
like to exchange vows?

Shauna, I love you so much.

I can't believe we
just met five hours ago.

I know, right?

But I really love you.

You're so nice.

Remember how you offered
me gum when I was sad?

Yes! I totally remember that.

You're nice, too. And so smart.

You're, like, the smartest person
I've ever met in my whole life.

And so pretty.

I just want to
give you gum forever.

By the power vested in me
by the state of Indiana,

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride. Yeah!

We did it! Totally! We did it!

You gotta throw
your thing. Oh, yeah.

Knope. Make yourself useful
and hand me that Crescent wrench.

Well...

Not bad craftsmanship, Ron.

It is perfect craftsmanship.

I calculate the cost
of my labor at $38.

I can send the bill to you?

So, you think you're going
to stick around Pawnee?

Oh, I imagine so. Not sure
where I would go, really.

Well, we're going to
come back here a lot.

You know what they say.

Don't be a stranger.

Despite the recent
financial crisis,

very good building
company will finish

fiscal year 2022 in
excellent financial shape,

thanks in large part to the stewardship
of your chairman, Ron Swanson.

Mr. Chairman, would you
like to say a few words?

I resign as chairman.
Effective immediately.

Uh, would you like
to explain why?

Should we discuss
your retirement package?

Just give me whatever
the board thinks is fair.

Agreed.

Best of luck.

Don't get emotional, Vaughn.
You're embarrassing yourself.

I'm sorry. What just happened?

My brother resigned.

No sense dwelling on the past.
Any more new business?

Yeah. You need a new
chairman, for starters.

I'll do it. Anything else?

Again, lon, not how
corporate governance works.

Congressman.
Ron, what a surprise.

Please invite me inside.

This city reeks of swampland
and government overreach.

Great to see you as always.

Ron, your family is beautiful.

They are a handsome bunch.

Diane and I are
especially proud,

because Ivy was just
accepted at Stanford university.

California?

Sunshine, health food,
surfing. Your worst nightmares.

Congratulations.
It's a great school.

Yeah? It's going to cost an arm
and a leg. Did you take my advice?

I did. Thank you again.

I sold some of my gold, and
officially diversified my portfolio.

Very smart.

What'd you end up invesfingin?
Mutual funds? Bonds?

No, something solid and dependable
that will certainly stand the test of time.

Congratulations. You now own
51% of the lagavulin distillery.

Pleasure doing business
with you. And with you.

Slainte. All: Slainte.

So, Ron, what brings you here?

I am at something of
a personal crossroads.

Yes! I love personal crossroads.

I once made the mistake of not
talking to you at such a moment,

and I do not intend
to repeat that error.

Well, let's take a walk.
There's a cute little park nearby.

I suppose I had simply
accomplished everything I wanted to,

and there seemed to be
little point in continuing.

So, what do you want to do now?

Well, that's the problem.
I am not sure.

My kids are growing up. My
days in an office feel like a waste.

I would like to turn my
attention to something

that would make me feel useful.

But for the life of me,
I cannot figure out what.

And there are not many people...

I mean, we were workplace proximity
acquaintances for many years.

And so, I thought...
I thought, maybe...

Say no more, you big softie.

I'm going to spend
every waking moment

trying to figure
this out for you.

You want to stay for dinner?
We're having steak. Mmm.

But we're also hosting
several members

of the house subcommittee
on foreign affairs.

I'll take that steak to go,
please and thank you.

Hey, there you are.
Thanks for meeting me here.

Well, if you'd held them here
instead of that conference room,

I would have come
to more meetings.

I've got to tell you, Leslie.

Establishing this national
park right next to Pawnee

is quite an accomplishment.

This is a fine piece
of land you saved.

Thank you, Ron.
You want to run it?

The superintendent of
Bryce canyon retired,

and I convinced the
superintendent of this park to transfer,

shuffled a few things around...

The point is, someone needs
to take care of this place now.

Thought it should be you.

Well, first of all, I would be
working for the federal government...

Your job would be to
walk around the land alone.

You'd live in the same town
you've always lived in.

You'd work outside, you'd
talk to bears. Next argument.

Well, there must be dozens
of people gunning for this job.

I wouldn't want you
to ruffle any feathers.

Am I even qualified?

Well, a few people might be
annoyed. But they'll get over it.

And as far as your qualifications,
you're Ron Swanson.

Stop being a dummy and accept.

When do I start?

Oh, today.

I already accepted for you. I still
remember how to forge your signature.

Let's go meet your staff.

Pawnee national park rangers,

this is Ron Swanson, your
new superintendent and boss.

Rangers. My name is
Ronald ulysses Swanson.

Your job, and mine,

is to walk this land and
make sure no one harms it.

If you show up on time,
speak honestly,

and treat everyone
with fairness,

we will get along just fine.

Though hopefully not too fine,

as I am not looking
for any new friends.

End of speech.

Well said.

Thank you, Leslie.

You're welcome, Ron.

Okay. Time to go to work.

Man: Laugh with me, buddy

jest with me, buddy

don't let her get
the best of me, buddy

don't ever let me
start feeling lonely

Well, I have to make
a couple more adjustments.

Babe, I don't want
to seem dramatic,

but I have just
reconsidered every decision

that we have made
over the last year

and I think we need to stay
in Pawnee forever.

I know.

But we have to pick up the
kids and we have a flight to catch.

But when is this group of people

ever going to be
all together again?

That's all I want.

All of these people in the
same place at the same time.

It will happen. Someday.

What's going to happen
between now and then?

A lot.

And it's all going to be great.

You promise? I promise.

This is a nice house.

You say that every time
we're here.

I'm just trying to distract you,

so you don't have
a nervous breakdown.

I think I am past that point.

You don't have to worry
about me anymore.

Hey, folks. Welcome back.

Great to have so many
good friends and colleagues.

We're looking forward to a great
conversation and a good dinner.

As usual, there is
only one rule.

No shop talk.

So, if you want
to discuss politics,

you're going to have
to wait until after dinner.

I'm looking at you, Leslie.

Okay. Well, as long as we
get to play charades later.

Okay.

Last time we played charades,
she spent three and a half hours here.

You're just mad because
you lost. Oh, come on.

Damn, that food was good.

I've said it before
and I'll say it again.

Joe Biden knows his way
around a seafood Risotto.

You've said that before?

Anyway, the point is, yes,

I do like working
at interior. I love it.

But I'm always looking for new
challenges. Why do you ask?

There's a rumor the governor
of Indiana isn't going to run again.

And my friends at the
dnc are very interested

in you as a candidate.

For governor of Indiana?
Mmm-hmm.

Someone's been reading
my kindergarten dream journal.

So, what do you think?

I'll call you next week
and we can talk about it?

Oh. Okay. Great.
Well, this is exciting.

I'm going to take this energy

and I'm going to go crush
Joe Biden in charades.

Dr. Jill? Let's pick teams.

Move. Need the congressman.
This is time-sensitive.

Hey, Jen, I didn't
know you were here.

I'm everywhere. You want
to be governor of Indiana?

What? Colquitt is
not going to run again.

It's a rumor for now, but
my gut says it's for real.

You're the perfect candidate.

Local hero,
state government experience.

Blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.

I mean, the only
potential problem is that

devastatingly nerdy
cones of dunshire thing.

Uh, that's a problem? Mmm.

I'm sorry, but it's
the ninth-highest selling

multi-player figurine-based
strategy fantasy

sequel game in history.

Please don't bail on me
because of what justhappened.

Both: So... I had a pretty
interesting conversation

with Janet from the dnc tonight.

Yeah. Oh, yeah?

She said that governor
colquitt might be stepping down,

and the dnc thinks that
I should run for governor.

Oh, god.

That kind of sucks.

Really? Why?

No, I mean, that's amazing.

It's just, Jen barkley kind of
approached me about running.

Oh! Oh.

Well, I mean, obviously...

Right. Yeah. No, no.
I mean, obviously.

Yeah. I mean, obviously, we...

Okay. Pros of you
running for governor.

You would be a great governor.

We could make Pawnee
our home base.

The kids could go
to school in Pawnee.

And it would be a huge
career move for you.

The pros of me running for
governor are the same thing.

It's the same list. Right.

The only con of you running
would be that I don't get to run.

And vice versa.

Good. So, we've solved it.

Look. We're going back
to Pawnee in a week.

Why don't we just talk
about it after that? Good idea.

Hey, maybe we can drop by
the old stomping grounds.

See how the parks
department has changed.

I love it. Okay. Are you ready?

No, butwe don't
have a choice, do we?

Kids! Dinner!

Hey, I'm going to eat in my
room because I have to study.

Stephen: Can we go to
Bobby's house to watch the game?

Leslie: Have you finished
your homework?

Okay, don't forget...

Bye, dad. Bye, mom. Sonia: Bye.

Don't forget your ice skates.
You have a lesson tomorrow.

Bye, mom. Bye, dad.

Want some broccoli?

Ugh! No.

Leslie: You know,
now that I'm here,

it's giving me an idea
about this governor thing.

Maybe we need fresh eyes.

You know, other people
to weigh in.

We should talk to Ron. Or Tom.
Or April. Or Donna. Or Andy, even.

Sometimes, he can be wise.

Yeah, good idea.
Let's call them.

Or you know what
else we could do?

Just talk to them in person.

Surprise!

Oh, wow.

It's what you wanted, right? Everyone
in the same room, at the same time.

I can't believe you.

We're all here together
in the same room.

In this room.

I don't think I could
be happier right now.

Want to bet? Hi.

Oh, Ann's here. Ann. Ann's here.

Hey. Hey, buddy.
How are you doing?

Good. You guys, Ann's here.

Should we move away from here?

Yeah. Yeah, this could
go on for some time.

Your hair looks amazing,
by the way.

You look like
a cartoon Princess.

Oh, thank you. It's from the
pills I was telling you about.

I took some of those, but I don't
know, they didn't do anything

and they kind of
upset my stomach.

No, you're supposed
to crack them

and leave them on
your hair overnight.

Not eat them. Oh, no.

Well, it's confusing,
because they're delicious.

Because my first book
was such a smash,

I had to come up with a
new angle for the follow-up.

Then, it hit me, failure
2.0: Failing to fail.

Loveit how's everything?

You properly treating yo'
self out there in Seattle?

In a manner of speaking.

Joe and I spend most of
our time on the foundation.

I can't believe
you went non-profit.

I mean, I love you, you're
one of my best friends,

but you have betrayed me
and everything we stand for.

You've changed.

Maybe you're right. By
the way, what time is it?

Oh, it looks like
it's half past spla-dow!

Both: What?

I take it all back.
That's a lot of diamonds.

Gimme, gimme, gimme.

What's with all the duct tape?

Just because I work for
the federal government

doesn't mean I have to
advertise it to everyone.

Speaking of new careers, congratulations
on your run as mayor, garry.

Thanks, Ron. I just
still can't believe it.

Yes, neither can anyone else.

Ugh! Garry!

Hey, Oliver. Hey, Leslie.

Hello, Ann. Hi, April.

Your kids are, like, surprisingly
awesome. Thank you.

Did you use an egg donor, or
give Chris a hall pass for a night?

Once again, they are
my biological children.

Once again, I don't believe you.

Ann, you rainbow-infused
space unicorn.

Ann, you beautiful, sassy
mannequin come to life.

Ann, you opalescent tree shark.

Leslie, you are the
master of the metaphor. Oh.

I recently compared her
to a nutrient-rich chia seed.

What's that thing
on your wrist? Oh!

Automated voice:
You are extremely healthy.

I do that literally
50 times a day.

Aren't you afraid that
thing might give you cancer?

Well, I am now.

Well, there he is. Chip
traeger. You old son of a gun.

Andy, it's Chris.

Is it?

Huh.

Hello, Jack. Ron Swanson.

Strong handshake.
Vvehdone, youhno. Thank you.

Andy: This kid is the best.

Doctor said he has
a remarkably large head.

Just like his old man.

And you know what that means.
More smart room for him.

So, are you going
to have another one?

Shh. Shh.

'Cause... 'Cause he's sleeping?

How can you tell?

It's a common misconception that
the oculus holds all of the power.

It's actually the lamplighter.

Need a moment.

Hey, sugar pea.

I know you probably imagined us
meeting once a year for a rendezvous.

But I'm happy.

I got a great wife, bestseller, and
as always, I remain the style icon.

And I guess what I'm saying is,

I'm out of your league,
and you need to move on.

What? Sorry, I stopped listening
when you called me "sugar pea."

Ann. Oh, my god. It's
happening! It's totally happening.

Our kids are falling in love.

This is good. Okay, remember.

If this is ever going to work,

we have to pretend
to disapprove.

Yeah. Right. Good call.

Leshe, no. Oh.

Who cares?

Ann arbor, Michigan,
is literally

the greatest city that
I have ever lived in.

But Pawnee is better.
So, we're moving back.

That's great. Yeah.

I'm going to run
admissions at Indiana.

I'm trading wolverines
for hoosiers.

Well, you're getting
the better end of that deal.

Tom. I took the quiz
in your book

about what kind of person I am.

I'm a Ron. Ha!

I'm usually a Tom, but
sometimes, I'm a Donna.

Last time I took it,
I was a Tom.

What?

No. No, no, no! Take it again.

I've got to go
recalibrate the quiz.

Ben: So, did anyone
have any insights on

our "running for
governor" situation?

I've been so busy
catching up with everyone,

I haven't had
a chance to ask them.

Yeah, me neither.
Okay, here's what I think.

I hate when we're on
opposite sides. It stinks.

Plus, if one of us runs, it
doesn't mean we're going to win.

Right. And it's not like this is the
only career option for either of us.

So, all that matters
is that we are good.

Right. Which is why
I have an idea.

I think we should flip a coin.

I mean it.
Let's literally flip a coin.

Because whoever runs
is going to do a great job.

And whoever doesn't run is going
to be right alongside the other one,

offering advice and support
and whatever they need.

So, it doesn't matter.
So let's flip a coin.

Okay. You, Leslie knope,

the queen of planning and
binders and pro and con lists.

You want to leave
this to chance?

Yes. Because whatever's next,

you and I are in it together.

So, let's go tell everybody.

And they can participate
and they can sign the coin

and then, you know,
the coin will eventually

make its way into
the Smithsonian.

Okay, everybody, gather around!

First of all,
I just have to say that

all of you in the same room at the
same time with your children here,

it's like... it's
the greatest thing

that's ever happened in
the history ofamerica.

And secondly, Ben and I
have an announcement.

Leslie is running for
governor of Indiana.

All: What?

Bully for you, knope.

That's amazing.

Yeah, she got approached
by the dnc

and they think she
has a great shot to win.

Indiana native,
supremely qualified,

and she wrote that
she wanted to be governor

in her kindergarten
dream journal.

This makes sense.

So, I'm running for governor.

Ben is going to be
running my campaign,

because he's a super genius

and he's got a tight,
compact little body

like an Italian sports car.

This is cause for celebration.

Let's all go to
Tom's bistro tonight,

back under original management,

and you all get the
"friends and family" deal,

3% off.

Oh, my god,
you're too generous, Tom.

But right now,
I'd like to make a toast.

When we worked here, together,

we fought, scratched,

and clawed to make
people's lives a tiny bit better.

That's what public service
is all about.

Small, incremental change,
every day.

Teddy Roosevelt once said,
"far and away,

"the best prize that
life has to offer

"is a chance to work hard
at work worth doing."

And I would add that what
makes work worth doing

is getting to do it
with people that you love.

I started my career
more than 30 years ago,

in the parks and
recreation department

right here in Pawnee, Indiana.

I've had a lot
of different jobs,

including two terms
as your governor.

And soon, a new, unknown
challenge awaits me.

Which, to me,
even now, is thrilling,

because I love the work.

Not to say that public service
isn't sexy. Because it definitely is.

But that's not why we do it.

We do it because
we get the chance

to work hard at
work worth doing,

alongside a team of
people who we love.

So, I thank those people
who have walked with me,

and I thank you for this honor.

Now, go find your team,
and get to work.

In addition to governor
knope's honorary doctorate

from the school
of public policy,

in recognition of all she has
done for the people of Indiana,

the campus library will
henceforth bear her name.

A Library?

Yeah, that should do it.
The swing is fixed!

Well, there you go, sir.

Local government
at its very best.

Ron: Actually, none of these
people works in local government.

This is a group
of private citizens

and one misguided federal employee
meddling where she does not belong.

Foronce, could you just... no.

In any case.

Another problem solved by the
hard work of dedicated public servants.

Okay, great.

Yeah, that's about right.

Okay. Well.

Hang on. Gayle made
me promise to get

a quick picture,
just for old times' sake.

Good idea!
Garry had a good idea.

Ugh.

The lighting is all wrong. I'm
going to send you a glamor shot.

Just Photoshop me in later.

I'm not going to show up in that
picture anyway, because I'm a vampire.

Hey, babe, for this picture, should
I be Burt macklin, Johnny karate,

or my new character,
sergeant thunderfist, m.D.?

Where did you get that?
Found it in the sandbox.

Go macklin.
Macklin's the hottest.

Get on with it. I can't hold this
smile forever. I look ridiculous.

Okay, hang on. Okay.

You ready, babe?

Yes.

I'm ready.

Director: That is a series
wrap on parks and recreation.