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1
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:06,716
Well, can you give me some
idea when it's gonna let up?
2
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,086
I mean, eight hours from now?
3
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,054
Twenty-four hours?
4
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:13,678
Forty days?
5
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:18,662
I hate the rain.
6
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,153
Can't go anyplace.
7
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,255
Can't do anything.
8
00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:27,426
Outside, I mean.
9
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:34,711
Can't play ball.
10
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:37,380
Can't go for a bike ride.
11
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,482
Hey, there's an article here.
12
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:41,417
Some guy claims that
the weather conditions
13
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:44,209
are controlled by
the Rockefeller family.
14
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:50,327
So they can bring about
one world government.
15
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,362
Crackpots.
16
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:56,199
Ever see Rocky with an umbrella?
17
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,734
He don't need one.
18
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,070
It don't rain on him.
19
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,071
Who?
20
00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,672
Rockefeller.
21
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:03,995
It don't rain on him.
22
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:13,883
Stop it.
23
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:17,119
Just stop it.
24
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:19,088
Gets on your nerves
after a while, doesn't it?
25
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:20,223
Oh, man.
26
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:22,826
Why are all the bigwigs
27
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,495
in that big glass building
with the radiant heating,
28
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:28,631
while we who do the work,
we gotta work in a sieve?
29
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,600
What's more, you'd
better get some more pans.
30
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,369
'Cause according to
the weather bureau,
31
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:34,371
it's not gonna let up
until tomorrow afternoon
32
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:35,605
at the earliest.
33
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:36,629
Man.
34
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:45,548
If this keeps up all night,
35
00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:48,384
I may kill somebody
before morning.
36
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:51,054
I get a call, I'm
up here in a flash.
37
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,421
So what's all this about leaks?
38
00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:56,826
You got eyes?
39
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,528
They're from the roof.
40
00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:01,497
Do you think you'll be able
41
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:03,132
to do anything about
it, Mr. Beckman?
42
00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:05,001
I'll have to go up on
the roof and take a look.
43
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,536
Well, we would appreciate that.
44
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,104
It's a bad building, captain.
45
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,974
Was a big scandal when
it was finished in '32.
46
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:14,276
They put sand in the
cement, water in the plaster,
47
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,212
used rotten wood for the frames.
48
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:19,181
Everybody went to jail.
49
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,884
Ironic, isn't it?
50
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:23,153
From the rain, all right.
51
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:26,857
Gets on the roof and then
leaks all through the ceiling.
52
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:28,892
You know what I like
about you, Beckman?
53
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,460
You got grasp.
54
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,217
My pleasure, captain.
55
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:36,699
Rain.
56
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:41,326
Twelfth Precinct. Detective
Sergeant Amenguale speaking.
57
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,808
Oh, lousy weather.
58
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,844
You should see the subway.
59
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:50,013
Ah, there's one thing
though. A good rain always
60
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,282
washes all that garbage
and dirt off the street.
61
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,773
Yeah, right into the subway.
62
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,421
Goodbye.
63
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:00,923
Barney, that was a Mr. Gardeno,
64
00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:03,259
owner of the Chez
Ho-Ho Nightclub.
65
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,961
Says some guy
started a fight over there
66
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,429
and they're
busting up his place.
67
00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:08,264
Oh, take a run over there. Okay.
68
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,099
Harris, uh, go with Chano.
69
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:11,634
Hey, why me, captain?
70
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:13,937
I just got out of the rain.
71
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,405
It's like getting
out of the ocean
72
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,706
and then going right back in.
73
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,641
You know, the
shock isn't as great.
74
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:20,443
Hey, but I just ate.
75
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:22,478
Don't I have to wait an hour?
76
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:24,613
Come on, Harris.
77
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,616
Your idiocy is
lost on the captain.
78
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,285
No, man. Wow.
79
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:30,453
That's all you gonna wear?
80
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:31,554
Yeah, man.
81
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:33,056
I don't like all
that heavy stuff.
82
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,290
See that, man? What I like
83
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:37,415
is to get wet on the
outside, not on the inside.
84
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,426
How did they know?
85
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,008
Another one, huh?
86
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:53,209
Beckman's up on the roof
87
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:56,646
trying to see what he
can do about these leaks.
88
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:59,182
Remind me to change
these pants... Yeah.
89
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,216
Before I go home.
90
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,951
Uncomfortable, huh?
91
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,686
No, Bernice gets turned on
92
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:06,578
by the smell of wet corduroy.
93
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,495
You should see it.
94
00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:14,631
There's 6 inches of
water up there, captain.
95
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,166
The buildings on either side
are draining onto your roof.
96
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:20,203
The Rockefellers again.
97
00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:23,105
They're gonna have
to pump that water off.
98
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,174
And we can't do it
until the rain stops.
99
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:28,344
And until you can, we're
gonna get more leaks. Right?
100
00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:29,645
Oh, yeah.
101
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:32,103
Oh, yeah.
102
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:38,888
Into each life
some rain must fall.
103
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:44,015
Not necessarily.
104
00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:52,924
Twelfth Precinct. Fish.
105
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,489
You can get a hernia doing this.
106
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:50,192
I can get a hernia from
doing just about anything.
107
00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:58,568
Twelfth Precinct. Sergeant Fish.
108
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,837
No, I... No, no, ma'am.
109
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:04,841
I don't think the Hudson
will overflow its banks.
110
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,509
Would you leave a nice, soft bed
111
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:10,446
to flow through a cold,
dirty city like New York?
112
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:11,836
Okay.
113
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:13,983
No more coffee?
114
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,007
Comin' up, Barney.
115
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,962
You gonna use that water?
116
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,398
It's rainwater. The
best kind there is.
117
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:31,133
Some people
wash their hair in it.
118
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,102
It's just come
through the ceiling.
119
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,639
That... That moldy,
termite-infested ceiling.
120
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:39,103
That filters out the impurities.
121
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,815
Okay, Mr. Ace.
122
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,650
Uh, you better
come over this way.
123
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:49,519
I could've done easy stuff.
124
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:52,522
Wife jokes, spoofs
on commercials.
125
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:53,890
I wanted to do something fresh.
126
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,291
Uh-huh. Innovative.
127
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,358
What happened?
128
00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:59,517
Silence followed
by physical abuse.
129
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,098
Uh, Barney, this is, um...
130
00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:05,234
Jackie Ace. You heard of me?
131
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,091
Why, you got a record?
132
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,173
Mr. Ace is a comedian.
133
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:13,409
He was, uh, doing his
monologue at the nightclub,
134
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,446
and, uh, apparently it
wasn't going over too well.
135
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:19,782
Pearls before swine.
136
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:23,085
Regardless, Mr. Ace
began insulting the audience.
137
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,755
What insults? I did stuff like,
138
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,024
"Well, I see I'll have
to speed up, folks.
139
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:32,028
I know some of your
tractors are double-parked."
140
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,551
That's...
141
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,399
Mr. Ace left the stage and
went out into the audience.
142
00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:40,937
And, uh, apparently as the
result of a comment he made
143
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,940
concerning the
ankles of a man's wife,
144
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,675
a fight ensued
and turned out to be
145
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,176
pretty much of a free-for-all.
146
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,578
Mr. Gardeno, the
owner of the club,
147
00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:52,481
is holding Mr. Ace personally
responsible for the damage
148
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,383
and is coming down
to press charges.
149
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,985
Just like Lenny Bruce.
150
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:59,155
You try to do topical
material, they crucify you.
151
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,624
You're being held on
disorderly conduct, Mr. Ace.
152
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,326
Not social criticism.
153
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:07,263
Mr. Ace, would you, uh,
have a seat over here, please?
154
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,647
What is this, you gonna
have a dance later on?
155
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,758
Boy, is this depressing.
156
00:08:15,361 --> 00:08:18,575
Makes me homesick.
157
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,077
Why don't you
write 'em a letter?
158
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,179
Nah.
159
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:24,213
I used to do that.
160
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:26,437
I don't do it anymore.
161
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,488
I like to save all my news
162
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,952
for when I get
home at Christmas.
163
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:39,662
Last year, if I hadn't
got sick on a train
164
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:42,487
we wouldn't have had
nothing to talk about.
165
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,302
Boy, is that depressing.
166
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:49,005
Yeah, now that you mention it.
167
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,866
Crummy Philistines.
168
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,647
I-I do a beautiful routine.
169
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:01,884
I mean, it's current.
It's thought-provoking.
170
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:04,687
I do bicentennial impressions.
171
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,856
Vignettes of our
nation's founding.
172
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,824
Huh? Classy, right?
173
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:10,593
Yeah, okay. Date of birth?
174
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:13,062
October 12, 1924.
175
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:16,165
Hey, get a load of this. Dig.
176
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:19,268
John Hancock signing the
Declaration of Independence:
177
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,037
Wait a minute, do I
get to read this first?
178
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,840
Address?
179
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,508
You didn't think that was funny?
180
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:28,010
Mr. Ace, we got
a lot of work to do.
181
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,346
Otherwise, I would be laughing!
182
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,570
Historically.
183
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:35,885
Pretty good, huh?
184
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,509
For a non-pro, eh.
185
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,791
Historically.
186
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,993
Wow, it's still raining.
187
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,417
Yeah, depressing, ain't it?
188
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,231
It's not as depressing
as this coffee.
189
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,615
What's the matter
with it? I just made it.
190
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,960
Tastes like a roof.
191
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,498
You want good
coffee, get married.
192
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,348
It's tasting better.
193
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,350
I'm at the 12th Precinct.
194
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,786
No, it's not a nightclub.
195
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,120
I'm under arrest.
196
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,889
Well, come down and
get me out of here, will ya?
197
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,925
You're my agent. You're
responsible for me.
198
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,593
And hurry up.
199
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:20,396
You know I'm
allergic to persecution.
200
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,198
Look... Look, if you
guys are gonna beat me,
201
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,733
will you let me take off my tux?
202
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,635
Come on, Mr. Ace.
203
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,036
We're just gonna
put you in a cell
204
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,170
until bail is provided.
205
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,371
Oh. Step this way, please.
206
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:30,740
Boy, was I doing great tonight.
207
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,441
But you should have
seen that audience.
208
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,443
They sat there and stared
at me like I was a freak!
209
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,579
This way, please. Wait
a minute. Look. Listen.
210
00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:40,116
Benedict Arnold to Nathan Hale:
211
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,707
"Hang in there, kid."
212
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:45,988
This way, Mr. Ace.
213
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:49,058
Mollie Pitcher at the
Battle of Monmouth:
214
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,192
"Everybody got water?
215
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:53,596
How about some
napkins and silverware?"
216
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:54,897
In here, Mr. Ace of Clubs, huh?
217
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,366
One more, one
more! There we are.
218
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:59,101
Yeah, sure. Betsy Ross
to George Washington:
219
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,645
"I don't know how to sew teeth."
220
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:07,865
Don't we have any crime?
221
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,902
You just missed it.
222
00:11:16,075 --> 00:11:18,387
Oh, Mr. Beckman. How
we doing with the roof?
223
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:21,223
I got some good news and
then I got some bad news.
224
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,625
I could've done
good-news-bad-news jokes.
225
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:26,028
I just wanted to elevate.
226
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:28,831
Could you possibly
consolidate them
227
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:31,667
into one piece of
lackluster news?
228
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,870
I've just been up
on the roof again.
229
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,671
There's over 5 feet
of water there now.
230
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,973
I'm no engineer.
231
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:39,542
But my personal opinion is that
232
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:42,467
that roof can't support
all of that water.
233
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,838
Nick, call emergency services.
234
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,719
Are you telling us that
235
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:53,589
that roof could
collapse on top of us?
236
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,258
That's crazy.
237
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:57,160
Water is a lot
heavier than it looks,
238
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:58,916
like when it's in a glass.
239
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:03,533
Hey, ha... Hey, uh, dig this.
240
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,267
Paul Revere to
Benjamin Franklin:
241
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,936
"There's a crack
in the Liberty Bell.
242
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,537
I told you we should
have got a horn."
243
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,996
Huh? Huh? Huh?
244
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,765
Barney.
245
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,782
This is, uh, Captain
Miller of the 12th Precinct.
246
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:21,717
Look, we've got a
very old building here.
247
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,318
And I've just been
informed we've got
248
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:25,587
5 feet of water on the roof.
249
00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:27,723
It appears... Well,
don't you think
250
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,525
that's gonna create
an unnatural stress?
251
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:30,748
I mean...
252
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,051
You certain?
253
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,121
Okay. Thank you.
254
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,169
Says that it's
structurally impossible
255
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:41,236
for anything to happen.
256
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:53,137
Says he'd stake
his reputation on it.
257
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:58,120
Well, that's good enough for me.
258
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,690
Hey, building's 40 years old.
259
00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:04,515
I mean, a little water's
not gonna bring it down.
260
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,763
You'd be amazed how much water
261
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,821
an old structure can hold.
262
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:21,477
Hey, man, look at this mess. Oh.
263
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,746
Didn't you know this thing
was filling up with water?
264
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,214
Oh.
265
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:28,017
I can hear water
when it's dripping.
266
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,608
I can't hear water when
it's sneaking down a wall.
267
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,524
Hey, man, here's one
marked confidential.
268
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,025
I sure hope we meant it,
269
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:41,030
'cause ain't nobody
ever gonna read this one.
270
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,298
Take my word for it, captain.
271
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,732
You have nothing to worry about.
272
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:46,702
Well, if you say...
What's going on here?
273
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:49,605
The files have
filled up with rain.
274
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,206
Doesn't surprise me.
275
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,209
Now, you hear that?
276
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:56,245
Now, they've been
coming 15 minutes apart.
277
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,680
Well, pack a bag, dear.
278
00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:00,538
It's time to leave
for the hospital.
279
00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:04,720
The roof is settling.
280
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,255
The roof is settling? This
building is 40 years old.
281
00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:09,091
How come it didn't
settle 40 years ago?
282
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:11,193
You don't understand
the dynamics of a building.
283
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,629
A building isn't just static.
284
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:14,897
It moves. It breathes.
285
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:17,232
It expands. It, uh, contracts.
286
00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:19,723
Sways back and
forth in the wind.
287
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,095
That's what killed the Edsel.
288
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,715
- Excuse me, I'm looking for...
- Arthur! Arthur!
289
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,084
In here. Jackie,
baby. What happened?
290
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,585
I was attacked
for being relevant.
291
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:37,987
Sweetheart, let me handle this.
292
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,888
Officer, uh, my name
is Bloom. Arthur Bloom.
293
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,657
I'm Mr. Ace's agent.
294
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:44,093
Will you explai...
My God, what is that?
295
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,328
No need to be alarmed.
296
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:50,288
It's just the building
catching its breath.
297
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:56,905
Hey Barney, come on,
where can we put this?
298
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:58,607
I mean, we're running
out of dry places.
299
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,509
The safest place is
right there in that cell.
300
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:03,167
That's where the
bracing of the ceiling is.
301
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,415
Put it in there.
302
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,806
Save some room for us.
303
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,455
Uh, excuse me.
304
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:13,622
Officer, I just wanna say
305
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,725
that the conditions in
this jail are intolerable.
306
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,928
I may lodge a formal complaint.
307
00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:23,621
Lodge it. I'll sign it.
308
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,804
Still raining in here.
309
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,428
Still raining out there?
310
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,910
Yeah, it's depressing, isn't it?
311
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,413
Well, it can't last forever.
312
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,047
Why not?
313
00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:41,305
Never has before.
314
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,020
Oh, what difference
does it make, anyway?
315
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:46,677
I blew it.
316
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,527
I should be in Barbados,
317
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,862
retired and living
on my royalties
318
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:56,365
as a best-selling author.
319
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:00,991
But I blew it.
320
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,329
Well, you still got time.
321
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:08,410
Couldn't catch a
flight out of here
322
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:10,701
while it's raining, anyway.
323
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,191
Yeah, here you go. He's in here.
324
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,925
Mr. Gardeno, it was
wonderful of you to come down.
325
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:25,294
Don't tell me about wonderful.
326
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,096
You don't know
anything about wonderful.
327
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,697
You told me he was wonderful.
328
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,866
Where'd you get that
wonderful audience tonight?
329
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,201
Rent them from the Nazi Party?
330
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,769
Thank you. Will
you please? Please.
331
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,737
Do you know what my
club looks like inside?
332
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:36,738
A junkyard.
333
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:39,107
Good, now it
matches the outside.
334
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,209
Mr. Gardeno,
335
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,278
on behalf of my client
I wanna apologize.
336
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:45,347
And may I offer a wonderful
solution for all of us.
337
00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:47,349
A little bit of water
never hurt anything.
338
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,251
I'd stake my professional
reputation on it.
339
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:51,987
You're absolutely
certain there's no danger?
340
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,989
I'd be surprised to pick
up tomorrow's papers
341
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,091
and read that this
building had collapsed.
342
00:16:56,115 --> 00:17:00,183
I'll bet you won't
let it ruin your day.
343
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,665
Roof's gonna be
all right, huh, Barn?
344
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:04,867
You heard the man.
345
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:07,169
He stakes his
professional reputation on it.
346
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,640
Yeah, well, we all die tomorrow,
347
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,375
who's gonna know that?
348
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,499
We'll leave a note.
349
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,014
Who's the guy with the agent?
350
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,116
Gardeno, the nightclub owner.
351
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:22,551
He come to press charges?
352
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:25,420
Trying to work things out.
353
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:27,322
Look at that.
354
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:29,179
They don't need us anymore.
355
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,019
Looks like nobody
needs us anymore.
356
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:38,367
Barn?
357
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:41,169
Uh, you got a minute?
358
00:17:43,929 --> 00:17:45,929
Hopefully.
359
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,679
All I'm asking is that you
give him one more chance.
360
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:52,515
You told me he did funny stuff.
361
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:53,516
He does funny stuff.
362
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,518
Wonderful, classy, magnificent.
363
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:56,852
Jackie, Jackie, do, uh... Mm?
364
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,521
Do, uh, James Monroe, huh?
365
00:17:58,545 --> 00:17:59,889
James Monroe? Yeah.
366
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,757
"Is there a doctrine
in the house?"
367
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,559
Yeah. Huh? Huh? Huh?
368
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,495
I don't get it. Who's
James Monroe?
369
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,039
For God sakes. Read a book.
370
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,056
I don't know.
371
00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:16,594
Are we getting anywhere, Barney?
372
00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:18,740
It's hard to say.
373
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,776
Where do you wanna go?
374
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:27,649
Uh... I expected
things would get better.
375
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,952
It just seems the
harder we work,
376
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:34,256
the more everything
stays the way it was.
377
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,680
That's called progress.
378
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:40,362
Yeah.
379
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:42,231
Just seems like
such a waste of time.
380
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,967
It's not a waste of time.
381
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,735
We contribute.
382
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,537
Ah.
383
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,507
But we're not respected, Barney.
384
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,174
You see?
385
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:54,610
If there's one thing I wanted
386
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,979
more than anything
else in the world,
387
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,536
it's respect.
388
00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:07,022
Now I would
settle for a little...
389
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,224
politeness.
390
00:19:09,248 --> 00:19:11,827
You're still aiming too high.
391
00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:23,060
Thank you.
392
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,212
How can you collect damages
if he doesn't have a job?
393
00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:32,281
Easy, I'll take
everything he's got.
394
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,049
Ha. You're too late, pal.
395
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,351
My ex-wife's got it all.
396
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:37,953
The car, the boat, the
chateau in Flushing.
397
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:40,256
Jackie, come on. And I
don't need that character.
398
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,857
You understand? I got talent.
399
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,460
♪ I'll give my thanks
On Thanksgiving ♪
400
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:47,129
♪ For winding up
With a turkey like you ♪
401
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,399
That's supposed to be good?
402
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,867
It's great. Do yourself a favor.
403
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:53,769
The only way he's gonna be able
404
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,671
to pay damages is
if... If he's working.
405
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,038
So let him get a job.
406
00:19:57,062 --> 00:19:58,940
Yeah, well, why don't
you book him back again
407
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,244
so you'll get even?
408
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:05,714
♪ If these April
showers Keep falling ♪
409
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,649
♪ And the floods
Come raging through ♪
410
00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:09,084
♪ Don't come home To my house ♪
411
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,919
♪ My house will
Come over to you ♪
412
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:15,591
This has got to be
413
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:19,083
the worst night I've
ever spent on the job.
414
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:26,390
Well, you're young yet.
415
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,474
I got good news, captain.
416
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:34,042
We got a pump on the roof
417
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,578
and we're draining off
the water into the air shaft.
418
00:20:36,602 --> 00:20:38,380
Barney? Mm.
419
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,449
Barney, the air shaft
is filling up with water
420
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:42,993
and it's leaking
into the storeroom.
421
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:46,154
You got any
suggestions, Beckman?
422
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:48,790
Listen, we took
care of the roof,
423
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:50,748
we'll take care
of the storeroom.
424
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,998
Okay. Uh, Barney,
425
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:58,867
Mr. Gardeno has decided
not to press charges. Oh.
426
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:01,302
He's gonna keep Mr. Ace
on till he pays the damages.
427
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:03,672
What about all those
possible assaults?
428
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:06,063
Well, nobody's
filing any complaints.
429
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,110
Turn him loose.
430
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:09,511
Okay.
431
00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:10,779
Look at that.
432
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,482
The only catch of the night
and we gotta throw him back.
433
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:15,784
Okay, Mr. Ace. It
has been entertaining
434
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:17,853
having you, uh, play
the 12th Precinct.
435
00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:19,187
We hope never to have you back.
436
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:20,422
Ha-ha. Thanks.
437
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:22,057
And listen, you
guys are all invited
438
00:21:22,081 --> 00:21:23,592
to be my guests at the club.
439
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:24,993
I'm gonna open with a new act.
440
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:26,462
Will it be funny?
441
00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:28,730
Are you kidding? It's
can't-miss material.
442
00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:30,732
I call it my Renaissance Revue.
443
00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:33,001
You see, he does takeoffs
of famous personalities
444
00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:34,169
of the 16th century.
445
00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:36,472
Jackie, do... Ha-ha.
446
00:21:36,496 --> 00:21:37,806
Do Michelangelo.
447
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:38,907
Michelangelo?
448
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,142
Hold it!
449
00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:43,734
I think we ought to
wallpaper instead!
450
00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:45,836
God.
451
00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:48,484
What, you don't know him either?
452
00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:49,485
You ostrich!
453
00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:51,019
Mr. Gardeno! Mr. Gardeno!
454
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:52,855
Oh, Barn, it's a mess in there.
455
00:21:52,879 --> 00:21:54,456
I mean, everything's soaked.
456
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:58,326
The records, the forms,
all the stolen property.
457
00:21:58,350 --> 00:22:00,830
All the nightsticks
are gonna warp.
458
00:22:01,621 --> 00:22:03,899
Only place in the whole
building without running water
459
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:06,068
is the bathroom.
460
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,711
That's it.
461
00:22:16,735 --> 00:22:17,712
That's it.
462
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:21,183
Nick, get the
division commander.
463
00:22:21,207 --> 00:22:22,984
I think we've all
had enough, huh?
464
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:25,120
I've had it up to here.
465
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:27,989
With inefficiency.
With complacency.
466
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:30,292
With... With... With trying
to keep this place together
467
00:22:30,316 --> 00:22:32,094
with spit and wire!
468
00:22:32,118 --> 00:22:33,895
I'm sick and tired of
trying to keep the lid
469
00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:35,797
on this potboiler
situation we're living in!
470
00:22:35,821 --> 00:22:39,234
With... With no
heat, no air, no light.
471
00:22:39,258 --> 00:22:41,559
No decent toilets!
472
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,639
They are gonna hear it from me!
473
00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:47,209
I don't want any excuses. I
don't wanna hear from budgets.
474
00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:50,645
I don't wanna hear any
cockamamie fiscal garbage.
475
00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:52,414
They can take
this job! They can...
476
00:22:52,438 --> 00:22:55,383
Barney, I can't get through.
477
00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:57,641
Uh, the phone lines
must be washed out.
478
00:23:09,755 --> 00:23:12,234
What happened?
479
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:15,037
A piece of the
ceiling collapsed.
480
00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:17,005
Sure, what do you expect?
481
00:23:17,029 --> 00:23:19,563
Can't yell in a
building like this.
482
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:38,827
Listen, everyone, I, uh...
483
00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:40,428
I'd like to apologize
to everybody...
484
00:23:40,452 --> 00:23:42,197
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
485
00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:44,899
I'm the one always saying
keep things in perspective and...
486
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:46,301
Hey, forget it, Barney.
487
00:23:46,325 --> 00:23:48,136
I mean, we all were
depressed tonight.
488
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:52,096
Uh, you're just the first
person to put it into screams.
489
00:23:53,833 --> 00:23:56,845
I mean, depression
is a lot like a cold.
490
00:23:56,869 --> 00:24:00,482
One guy gets it, he
starts passing it around.
491
00:24:00,506 --> 00:24:01,917
Yeah.
492
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:04,019
But you can't let it get you.
493
00:24:04,043 --> 00:24:07,322
What you gotta do is
develop an Oriental philosophy.
494
00:24:07,346 --> 00:24:09,491
Like my grandfather used to say:
495
00:24:09,515 --> 00:24:12,494
"Many things look bleak at
the moment of occurrence,
496
00:24:12,518 --> 00:24:15,585
but at least we
ain't got locusts."
32851
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