Original subtitles

Mr. Johnson, we don't have

enough policemen down here to help you.

Look, why don't you try the National Guard?

What's the problem?

J-just a minute, please.

It's the manager of the Greenwich Hotel.

He says he's got 50 people in the lobby demonstrating.

What for?

For rooms.

That's a worthy cause.

Yeah, Mr. Johnson... Mr... List... Wait.

Everybody in New York is complaining

that business is terrible.

Now, you got a bicentennial celebration.

What more do you want?

The mayor arrives at 5:30.

The kickoff ceremony begins at 6.

And these areas will be roped off for special groups.

We got any problems?

All the local merchants are being

very cooperative, Barney. Good.

Including our ladies of the evening.

They said they want very much

to take part in the ceremonies.

I'm not surprised.

I mean, I suppose they're part of our heritage too.

Sure. There were hookers around here 200 years ago.

Some of the same ones.

I don't know.

I've been driving a hansom cab around New York for 35 years.

But this never happened before.

Yeah, uh, Mr. Fuzzo, uh,

w-when did you, uh...?

When did you first notice that your horse was missing?

At 6:30 this morning

when I went into his stall.

His hay hadn't been slept in.

Harris, uh, run over to Washington Square

and give Borough Task Force a hand.

Okay, Barney.

Yeah, right. Right, okay.

Barney, what do you wanna do about the hotel?

Uh, take a couple of uniforms and run over there.

And maybe you should call Travelers Aid,

see if they can relocate some of the overflow.

Yeah, okay.

You know, maybe I could, uh,

rent my apartment to about 15 or 16 of them.

You only got one room.

They're used to that in my building.

Oh, hi, Fish.

The subway was a disaster.

I got up to give my seat to a fat old lady

and two men took it.

Chivalry isn't dead.

It's obsolete.

Excuse me, Barney, uh, this is Mr. Fuzzo.

Uh, he drives one of those, uh, hansom cabs, you know?

And, uh, somebody stole his horse.

Uh, Mr. Fuzzo, this is Captain Miller.

Oh, how do you do, captain? How do you do, Mr. Fuzzo?

We, uh... We've never had...

Never had a horse theft in this precinct before.

It's part of the nostalgia craze.

What am I gonna do, captain?

There's thousands of tourists out there

waiting to take a ride around the park with Fuzzo.

Do you have any idea who would wanna take your horse?

Oh, I don't know. One of the other drivers.

A junkie. A teacher.

Heh. Sit down, Mr. Fuzzo.

We'll, uh... We'll get started right away.

Detective Wojciehowicz is gonna send out an APB

on the missing animal.

Do you have a description? Oh, yeah.

Uh, brown eyes, brown hair,

two white stockings.

Uh, stands about 6'3"

and weighs about 1200 pounds.

Hey, uh, Barn. Barn.

What do you say we, uh...?

We don't tell 'em it's a horse?

I think you better tell 'em.

They may come up with somebody.

Hey, Mr. Fuzzo, don't you worry.

We're gonna do everything we can.

When Bernice and I were courting,

we used to ride a lot in a hansom cab.

I'd rather walk around the park.

Uh, it's healthier.

May be healthier. It's not safer.

We'd sit there and hold hands

and I couldn't help thinking,

looking at the back end of that horse,

is he trying to tell me something?

I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir,

but it's the nature of these celebrations

that the pickpockets come out with the patriots.

Were you carrying cash or traveler's checks?

Oh, shame on you.

Don't you pay attention to Karl Malden?

I'm sorry to hear that, sir,

but, uh, you better dig up some more money

or you're gonna get picked up for vagrancy.

Hello, Wilson.

Fish at the 1-2.

How are you?

Good.

Listen, we got a call down here from some wacko

who says he's gonna

blow the point off the Chrysler Building.

Yes, I agree.

It's no great loss, but nonethe...

But nonetheless,

it's probably against the law.

All right, Mr. Franklin, step inside, please.

Now, look. This is utterly absurd.

You're going to a lot of trouble over absolutely nothing.

Amenguale is the name, trouble is my game.

Now, all we want to know is who did this to you.

Nobody did anything to me.

Come on, Mr. Franklin.

Who was the woman in the room with you?

There was no woman.

I was alone.

I slipped on an ice cube and I banged my head

on the edge of the table.

That's all there was to it.

I don't know why anybody had to call the police.

Because your next-door neighbors heard, uh, furniture breaking,

a man and a woman screaming, and a body hitting the floor.

Why do people have to jump to conclusions?

Barney, uh, excuse me. We got a possible assault here.

This is Mr. Franklin.

He's staying at the Greenwich Hotel. Yeah.

This morning his neighbors reported a disturbance, right?

The police arrive and find Mr., uh...

Mr. Franklin here almost unconscious on the floor

and broken furniture all over the place.

Has he been to a hospital yet?

Oh, I don't wanna go to the hospital. I'm all right.

The nurse at the hotel patched him up.

It looks a lot worse than it is.

Well, maybe a couple of stitches in a few days.

You know, when I have time.

Why don't you have a seat over there, please?

And be careful of the furniture. This belongs to the city.

Barney, the clerk at the hotel swears that there was

a woman in the room with him.

Well, he was wrong.

Okay, Mr. Franklin, then how do you explain this?

What is that?

That happens to be

the heel from a woman's shoe, Mr. Franklin.

It was found in your room.

Now, the nurse at the hotel swears that this point

fits the hole right in your head there.

Oh, that's utterly ridiculous.

I slipped on a piece of soap

and banged my head on the sink.

I thought you slipped on an ice cube

and hit your head on the table.

I slipped on a small thing,

and I hit my head on a big thing.

Okay?

How long have you been married, Mr. Franklin?

All my life.

Oh. So this is the secret police.

No, this is the 12th Precinct,

and it's no secret.

You mean you brag about this place?

All right, Barn,

I talked to all the hackies

about the missing horse.

If they know something, they ain't giving it up.

Who is this?

I caught him on my way back through the park.

He was selling this stuff at a little table.

You got something against the free-enterprise system?

Hey, look, you're not supposed to put the American flag

on anything but the flag.

Look at this stuff. T-shirts, hats.

Look here. A beach towel.

I mean, people would be putting their wet, sandy bodies

all over the American flag.

And another thing.

Turn around.

Whatever turns you on.

Fashionable, perhaps. Disrespectful, yes.

But, uh, against the law?

Oh, come on, Barn. It's gotta be.

The Supreme Court says no.

Since when?

About a year ago.

You sure?

Would I lie to you?

Well, I ain't lettin' him go

until I see if he's got some priors.

You hang in there.

I would've kicked his tail all the way down here

if I thought I could've missed the flag.

Where do you, uh, come from, Mr. Franklin?

Well, I'm from Debussy, Ohio. Hm.

I'm the regional sales manager

for Abigail Adams Historical, uh, Novelties.

I'm here for the bicentennial celebration.

Yeah, well, look. This is ours.

See, isn't that nice? Oh.

It's Monticello. Yeah.

It's from our, uh,

Homes of Great Americans Cufflink Collection.

Yeah. That's very lovely.

I'd like to show you one of our collections.

We have here photographs of notorious ladies

of the 12th Precinct.

You will also find these

occasionally in the homes of great Americans.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. No, you don't sit down.

Come on, I been on my feet all day.

Yeah, well, if you...

If you wanna sit down, you gotta take off those pants.

He's right, son.

If you desecrate the flag, we gotta burn it.

Wherever it may be.

Oh, Barney, uh,

Mr. Franklin is looking at photographs,

but he still insists he was alone.

He's a family man.

Well, then, for the sake of the family men

who have gone before him

and all those who will follow in his footsteps,

you better find out who it was who worked him over.

Barney, so far all we got, the clerk says he thinks

it was a redhead, but, uh...

Look, I'm gonna book him.

If that's what he wants. Yeah.

Uh, Barney,

that was the commander of the police barn.

One of their horses was stolen.

What is this, an epidemic?

Wait a minute.

Fuzzo loses a horse. Now we lose a horse.

You better check out Fuzzo.

Hey, Barn.

That was Kogan. We gotta do something about Pier 10.

Pier 10? Yeah, there's a bunch of clowns

over there throwin' tea into the East River.

What is going on out there today?

The second American Revolution.

Right on schedule.

- Uh, Fish. - Yeah?

Yeah, take a run over to Pier 10.

We got some trouble over on the harbor.

This is beautiful.

Rioting, fistfights, vandalism.

It's lovely way to celebrate the bicentennial.

You get to be 200 years old,

I guess you get a little cranky.

Hey.

If I don't get to sit down pretty soon, I'm gonna faint.

Yeah, well, you're flying the flag,

you stand at attention.

Chano and Harris call in yet?

Mm. Not yet. What about him?

I'm goin' down to check on his priors now, Barn.

Okay.

Anything serous, Fish?

A group from Long Island,

the League of Frightened Voters.

They were tossing crates of tea into the river.

Interesting smell.

Orange pekoe and garbage.

Now tell the truth.

Wouldn't it be worth the price 10 times over

to have this lovely and timeless silverware collection

in your very own home?

I don't use silverware.

I never got the hang of it.

Oh, captain, my wife called,

said you gentlemen wanted to see me.

Did you find my horse?

Uh, not yet, Mr. Fuzzo, uh,

but I understand that you're back in business.

Oh, well, I got another horse.

Oh? Yeah, just temporarily.

Where'd you get it?

I borrowed it.

Ah. From whom?

I... Y-you wouldn't know them.

Try me. We know a lot of people.

Oh, well...

Well, uh, th-they're on the other side of town.

And... Oh, and they got a lot of horses.

I mean, one horse, more or less.

Heh-heh. They can get along without it.

So they gave you one.

Well, like I said, I borrowed it.

Do they know it yet?

I think they do now.

Mr. Fuzzo, borrowing without permission

is called stealing.

And we... We of the police department

frown on activities like that, particularly when the borrowing

is being done from the police department.

I wasn't gonna keep it.

I was going to sneak it back in a couple of days,

in better shape than I got it.

Go downstairs and take a look at him.

I shampooed him.

I curried his coat.

I-I waxed his hooves.

Oh, he was a mess when I picked him up.

From the police barn? Yeah.

When you're gonna borrow, borrow the best.

Mr. Fuzzo...

Mr. Fuzzo, I'm afraid we're gonna have to hold you.

Nick.

You're gonna...? You're gonna turn me in?

I'm a cop.

Times like this, we gotta look out for each other.

You can understand that.

Nick, do me a favor. Call the police barn.

Tell 'em we got the horse.

And ask 'em to send somebody over to pick it up, and, uh,

we have to hold Mr. Fuzzo.

All right, Miss Gifford, step inside, please.

Oh, my God.

That's him.

Hello, creep.

Hey. Hey, I never saw this woman before in my whole life.

Fuzzo, how's the horsy trade?

Oh, listen, not bad. How's tricks?

Pretty good.

Till lately.

Barney, this is Miss Tracy Gifford,

who made a call to room service last night about 12:30

from Mr. Franklin's room.

Is that true, Miss Gifford?

Yeah, and so far a root beer,

and a grilled cheese sandwich

is all I got outta this.

The waiter recognized the woman as Miss Gifford,

as she is a frequent overnight guest at the hotel.

I, uh, apprehended Miss Gifford in the hotel bar.

Mr. Franklin, is this the woman who assaulted you?

You bet I am.

You admit it?

You wanna know what happened?

Please.

Okay. Last night, I'm down walking in the park,

like I'm apt to do.

I sell these buttons.

For the bicentennial, for charity.

See: "1776 to 1976.

We've only just begun."

Cute, huh?

Anyway, the creep comes up to me

and asks me how much for one of my buttons.

I tell him the usual price: $60.

He asks me if I will deliver it up to his room.

So I go up there with the button.

Jumping ahead a little, I'm getting ready to leave

and I ask him for my money.

For the button, for charity.

He says, "Try and get it."

So I took appropriate measures,

which he had it coming.

Mr. Franklin, is this substantially what happened?

I was alone.

You deserve to be.

Mr. Franklin, if you file a complaint,

we can charge Miss Gifford with aggravated assault.

Listen, I could file a few charges of my own,

like restraint of trade.

I'm afraid that's a little out of our area.

I don't need you. We got a union now.

Hey, uh, Barn,

I got the makes on that punk.

And?

Well, uh, you're not gonna believe it.

Guy was a Marine.

Wojo,

it takes all kinds to make a war.

Hey, uh, you really in the Marines?

Something wrong with that?

Man, you're tough to please.

Oh, no. See, uh, I was a Marine too.

Yeah. I remember you.

You won the war.

Out of there.

Now what's the matter?

I just don't want you around here.

You're a, uh, source of embarrassment.

Is there a Yemana here?

Yo.

Shriker of the Mounted.

I've come for my horse.

Your horse is down in back.

We got the guy up in front.

His name is Fuzzo. His name is garbage

when I get through with him.

Whoa. What's going on here?

Uh, captain, this is Officer Shriker.

He wants his horse. And the guy that took him.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Shriker, I gotta tell you

there were some, you know, special circumstances.

Yeah, well, in another town, in another time,

they'd hang him from a tree.

I can understand how you feel.

You don't fool with a man's horse.

Look... Look, Shriker,

uh, Mr. Fuzzo here has a hansom cab,

and he needed a horse.

Didn't he know that?

That... That is, he had a horse, but somebody stole it.

Isn't that always the way, huh?

Look, Mr. Fuzzo took really good care of your horse.

He really did. Why don't you go down back, take a look at it?

You'll see.

Well...

Okay, I need coolin' out anyway.

Man, I'm tellin' you,

they can count me out of the next bicentennial.

Washington Park look like the bottom of a birdcage.

You all right?

Oh, it was, uh, very inspiring, captain.

All those flags flyin' around, you know?

People beatin' up on each other and stuff.

I must have made 12 arrests.

I hope you didn't bring 'em here.

I took 'em to Manhattan South.

I'm on my way back down there now.

The mayor get in and out all right?

Well, he got in okay,

but he had a little trouble gettin' out.

You see, his limousine ran out of gas.

He didn't have no money,

and wouldn't nobody give him none.

Mr. Fuzzo, how much can a man make

driving people around the park?

You mean reported income?

That much, huh?

Oh, you'd like it.

I know a lot of guys drive cabs

when they get old enough to retire.

How do you know how old I am?

Well, you take a guy's height,

then you multiply it by the number of times

he goes to the bathroom every day.

It ain't my horse.

Are you sure?

Hey, I know my horse.

I mean, don't you think a fella knows his own horse?

W-wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Mr. Fuzzo, did you or did you not

take that horse from the police barn?

I did. I swear it.

Would I lie about something I stole?

Well, he took it.

It's Cooley's gelding.

I don't ride geldings.

Look, you wanna take the horse or don't you?

Uh, yeah, I guess maybe I better.

Hey, I got to admit something. He really knows his horses.

I mean, that horse looks happier with you

than he ever did with Cooley.

Thanks.

Look, uh, Shriker, think anybody would mind

if it took a couple of extra days

before the horse got back?

O-oh. I don't know. I... I could ask Cooley.

He's down in Washington Square riding crowd control.

Good, you do that.

Mr. Fuzzo, why don't you go with Officer Shriker?

No, that's... That's okay. That's okay. That's okay.

Hey, wait a minute.

If you got Cooley's horse,

Cooley's got mine.

Cooley uses spurs.

O-oh. Oh, I hate that.

Any guy that uses spurs

should be horsewhipped.

Uh, Barney, Mr. Franklin still insists he was alone,

and the hotel says they'll accept payment for the damages

and drop all charges.

Everybody happy? Yeah.

Let him go home. Uh, Barney, uh,

you wanna hold Miss Gifford?

For selling buttons?

No. She's got a license for that.

All right, Mr. Franklin, you're free to go.

Yeah? That's right.

Oh, yeah? Oh, thank you.

I got a plane to catch.

Yeah, uh, do me a favor, huh?

Next time you come to New York on a vacation,

stay in Philadelphia.

I was alone.

Miss Gifford, you're free to go.

You got a mirror I could use?

Sure, it's right over the sink in the bathroom.

Thank you. All right.

Hi. Hi.

Hey, uh, you're sure gettin' into the spirit of things

with all those buttons, huh?

I'm selling them during the bicentennial.

No kiddin'? Yeah.

Oh, well, I'll take a few. Uh, how much for three?

A hundred and 80 dollars.

A hundred and 80 dollars.

Mm-hm.

Hey, Barn, you know what that girl's selling?

Yeah. I know what she's selling.

Seems like a lot of money for something

you're gonna throw away in a couple weeks.

Oh, boy. Some day, huh?

I'll say. Whew.

So how's everything going with you, Fish?

Oh, pretty good.

And yourself?

You don't have to talk.

When two people know each other as long as we do,

don't feel obligated to make conversation.

They say we're due for some rain next week.