Original subtitles

You'll never open that window.

They nailed it down in 1932,

on the day this building was condemned.

You can't even breathe in here, Fish.

This room's like an oven.

I've already split my shifts

and everybody is working double-duty.

I need more help.

Things happen to people in 100-degree weather.

Tempers get short.

I said tempers get short!

Hi, everybody.

I'm sorry I'm late.

The cross-town traffic was the pits,

and there is absolutely no air in this room.

You could sustain heavy brain damage

from living in a condition like this.

Do you realize that you people are breathing in pure heat?

Who took all the air?

We don't use the stuff.

You must be thinking of another precinct.

How can you sit there wearin' a tie and not sweatin'?

Willpower.

Don't you think it would be easy

for me to sweat if I would let myself go?

Are you saying you don't have to sweat if you don't want to?

It's just a matter of values, man.

This is a $30 shirt.

I wish I could do that.

It would keep my hair from gettin' straight.

I can do that too.

How come you're not dressed?

Oh, uh, w-we got a lot of time.

It's 10 after 9.

We're supposed to relieve Amenguale and Bailey

in the park at 9:30.

Yeah, well, uh,

see, I gotta talk to the captain first.

What's the matter?

You worried about working with me?

No, it doesn't have nothin' to do with you.

Women always figure it's always got something to do with them.

I don't wanna hear anymore about it.

Just go on over there.

What you lousy cops done is illegal.

Walkin' around dressed like perverts.

Hey, hey, hey, you dirty guy, you.

One more crack like that out of you and I'm gonna

reach into your mouth with these two fingers

and pull out a tooth. Now sit over there!

You got some weird body for a man, fella.

April fool. Fool.

Holy mackerel. One's phony and one's real.

Wrong again.

Got a lot of action out there tonight, huh?

Oh, the freaks are out in force.

Good, there'll be plenty to go around.

You really enjoy your work, don't you?

Yeah.

It's important, it's exciting,

and it's the best way for a woman to meet the public:

armed.

Bailey, you should be checkin' out by now, huh?

Oh, just finishing up, captain. We brought in a mugger.

Ah.

Wentworth, you and Wojciehowicz tonight.

I know, I'm waiting.

Yeah, uh, could I talk to you for a second?

How come you're not dressed?

Um, I just wanted to talk to you first,

that's all, Barney.

Come on in the office.

Captain, if he doesn't want to work with me,

I'll go out with somebody else.

Wentworth, I'm sure it has nothing...

I mean, I got my green sash in kung fu,

and I shot expert on the range last month.

Will you relax, Wentworth?

What do I have to do, wear jockey shorts?

Okay, boys... girls.

Whatever.

I don't want to hear no more complaints.

Right away you got luxury accommodations.

Enjoy.

Hey, it can't be turned on, it's not doing anything.

My very words to Bernice.

Wojo, the idea is to present

an attractive target to a potential mugger.

Well, I could wear my old Marine uniform.

And carry a purse?

I just don't wanna wear a dress.

Wojo, it's just another assignment.

Everybody has gotta pull it.

Well, uh, Harris hasn't gone yet.

Now we all agreed, Harris was gonna go last,

in deference to his moustache.

Chano went this evening, didn't he?

Yeah, but Chano likes that stuff.

"Hey, hey, look at me, secret service, undercover."

All that spy junk.

Wojo, it's a proven, effective method.

I-I don't know how to act like a woman.

I mean, I don't know how to walk like a woman,

I don't know how to sound like a woman.

Do the best you can.

Okay, but I ain't gonna be any good at it.

Don't threaten me.

Just give me your best shot.

You know, uh, I could've grown a moustache.

That's what I get for being clean cut.

Well, are you gonna get dressed?

Yeah, sure.

Course I wanna get dressed.

What you gonna wear?

Who cares?

I do.

I have to be seen with you.

Well, uh, there's a red dress hanging in the locker,

and, uh, a pair of white shoes,

and a green pocket purse.

You're gonna look like the flag of Italy.

Ho-ho-ho.

Hey, man, come on now.

You're gonna love it.

A dress is... Is cooler.

My only mistake was wearing panty hose.

Hey, they, uh,

got some wigs in the stockroom.

I-I ain't wearin' no wig. Heh.

You gonna go like that?

With a crew cut?

A lot of women got short hair.

Yeah, but they don't wear women's clothes.

I wanted to go like this, but Barney wouldn't let me.

Oh.

Well, goodnight, gang.

- Night. - Good night.

Keep the peace.

Good night.

All right, you, let's go.

I'm taking you downstairs, you're going bye-bye.

I should've known.

Look at them legs.

Excuse me, is this where they keep the detectives?

Yes, ma'am. Oh.

Is that a black eye?

Yeah. Is that a blue dress?

Depends on the light.

Hey, come on... Can I help you?

Yeah, I want my husband arrested.

He beat me up.

For some special reason?

The heat.

Excuse me, ma'am, did I hear you correctly?

Did you say your husband beat you?

Yeah, you wanna see the rest of it?

An elbow in the kidneys,

a kick in the shins, a wrist burn.

And to top it off when he left, he threw my fish in the sink.

You know, an animal like that should be put in jail.

What do you think I'm doing here, lady,

gettin' my hair done?

Okay, sit down, I'll take you in a sec.

Wentworth, you still here?

Yeah, I'm still here, I'm still waiting for Wojciehowicz,

and if I don't get out of here soon, I'm gonna ask you

to take me off park detail and put me on that case.

Who's she?

Her husband beat her up, that's who she is.

The heat. The heat.

That bum better not try that with me.

Wentworth.

I wish everybody wouldn't take everything

so personally around here.

It's the heat.

Got your wig? It's in my purse.

Put it on.

Can't I wait till I get to the park?

It looks nice.

You got a fan, why doesn't somebody turn it on?

It is on.

Hey, Chano? Yeah?

They got a wagon waiting downstairs to go to the Tombs.

They're, uh, waitin' for your boy.

I'll take him down.

Okay, mugger, on your feet.

I'm gonna to take you down for a ride.

Wait for me over there.

So this is the real you, huh?

No, this is not the real me.

Nobody knows the real me.

The real me is a man of mystery.

A man of a thousand faces.

As a matter of fact, the only people that know

my real identity is the federal government.

That right, Harris?

Who's that who spoke?

I'm also invisible.

Come on. Can you help me?

I'll be back in five minutes, okay?

All right, all right, all right, Mrs. Boyle,

let's have the story.

Well, it's about time.

The swelling was beginning to go down.

What's your address?

625 West 11th. Apartment 4B.

What's your husband's name?

Parnell Nolan Boyle.

That's a lovely name.

It's not bad for an animal.

Listen, what do you think of a man who hits his wife?

You only hurt the one you love.

Wait till you hear this. You're not gonna believe it.

We're not in the park five minutes... Five minutes!

We go past a big lamppost, and it gets... We go in the park,

and we go into a very secluded, very, very dark area.

And a big guy jumps out from behind a tree,

and then there's an attempted rape,

right in front of my eyes.

Did you catch the guy?

No, he got away.

How about the victim?

The victim... is coming.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You mean, this guy jumped out

from behind a tree and attacked you?

Disgusting, ain't it?

It don't even make any sense.

Yeah, we were walkin' along together, side by side, okay?

Okay, okay.

You don't have to draw him a picture.

He gets the portrait.

So anyway, I got knocked down.

Yeah, right, he pushed her aside.

I got my gun out of my purse and I yelled, "Freeze."

But it was very dark and I couldn't see very much,

which obviously he couldn't either,

and, uh, he took off through the bushes.

Only I couldn't run 'cause of these shoes, all right?

So I threw 'em off, and the ground was covered

with rocks and pointy sticks...

So he got away, huh?

Yeah, he got away.

And he didn't push me aside, he knocked me down.

Right.

But anyway, I got a look at him,

and I'll know him when I see him again,

'cause I marked him.

You shot him?

I bit him in the neck.

He probably got a big boot out of that.

All right, what are we looking for?

A tall, dark guy about 185 pounds,

with a hickey on his neck.

And, I'm goin' out after him again too, Barn,

as soon as I get a new outfit.

Maybe I ought to get one too.

You look fine. Oh, yeah.

Well, I've never been the flashy type, you know what I mean.

Simple, tasty.

But you know, there comes a time when subtlety is for the birds.

And if you're gonna appeal to the baser instincts,

you might as well show all your bases, right?

Right.

You know, she's absolutely right.

We're not human beings, we're sex objects.

That's what I hear.

Here, Mrs. Boyle, sign this.

Yeah. Now, what exactly is this?

This is a complaint record charging your husband

with assault and battery.

Oh, perfect, because that's exactly what it was.

Assault and battery and filthy language.

Sign that and we can make the arrest.

You bet your life I'll sign it.

Give me a pen. Here you are.

Let me have that. Good.

Barney, I'm gonna pick up Mr. Boyle.

She says he's either at his home

or at one of the bars in the neighborhood.

Okay, uh, take Harris with you.

Right.

Okay, okay, let's go.

W-where's Wentworth?

Okay, okay, I'm ready.

What...? What did you do to yourself?

Listen, I'm gonna give 'em what they want out there, okay?

Wentworth, I know I speak for the entire department

when I say we appreciate your enthusiasm.

Yeah, but, uh,

it's a little bit brassy, ain't it?

You ain't seen nothin' yet.

We'll see who gets pushed aside.

Listen, could you tell me how long

he's gonna be locked up after he signs this?

That's for a judge to decide, Mrs. Boyle.

We have nothing to say about that.

Well, you know, I just wanted to make sure

the bum's gonna get everything that's coming to him.

What did he get last time?

He got a year's probation.

That ain't up until Valentine's Day.

Well, if he's broken his probation,

he could get up to three years, how's that sound?

Three years, that's perfect. It'll give him all that time

to think about what he's done to me.

What does he think I am, a punching bag?

Three years, right? Three years.

That's, uh... He'll be spending

our 19th, 20th, and 21st anniversary behind bars.

He'll be 55 years old when he gets out.

I'll be 51.

Would you like to take some time to think this over, Mrs. Boyle?

I don't have to think it over, let him think it over.

Let him think about all the wonderful times we had together.

Walking in the snow...

Summers on the beach.

You know, he made love to me one time in a field of daisies.

Married 16 years,

and that crazy, clumsy bum takes me

in the middle of a field of daisies.

He's just a clumsy fool, you know what I mean?

A crazy, clumsy fool.

Goodbye, Mrs. Boyle.

Now that's a marriage that works.

Yeah, yeah, sure, I know, you were just out

for your, uh, good night constitutional.

Hey, man, I didn't do nothin'.

I was just talkin' to her.

Uh-huh. Well, why don't you just sit down,

before I bend you in half.

Where'd you find him?

He was on the prowl, looking for action.

Did I do anything to you?

I didn't say anything out of line, did I?

I told you to shut up.

Does his neck check out?

No, there's nothing there,

but, uh, he could've healed.

Since when has it been a crime to talk to a lady?

I wasn't lookin' for no trouble.

I didn't know the big broad was a cop.

What, uh... What happened?

We were walking through the park,

when all of a sudden this man here was attracted to me.

And he said something in the nature of,

"Hiya, good-lookin', could you lose your friend?"

So Detective Wojciehowicz slams the cuffs on him.

There didn't seem to be any point

in taking any chances, Barn.

Wojo, what are you gonna charge him with, felony fresh?

He could've been the guy, Barney.

And besides, even if he ain't he's probably got priors.

Harris, go downstairs, run a make on him.

Okay, Barney.

Hey, come on, lover.

You were a lot of help.

Smiling at him in the squad car.

Hey, look, Wojciehowicz, the man got a little excited.

You don't arrest a man for getting a little excited, eh?

No. You probably got a big kick out of it, didn't you?

Wojo, why don't you give me your final report, it's getting late.

Check out, huh?

Who goes out on second tour with you?

Fish.

Uh, in the future, I would appreciate it

if personal considerations are left out of the squad room.

There was no personal consideration.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Frankly, I have, uh...

I have always found you,

you know, sort of attractive.

I thought you were just jealous.

Jealous?

No?

Fat chance.

Oh.

I mean, I-I didn't say...

I mean, I don't mean that I didn't notice you.

I mean, uh, I'll admit that you're a good cop.

Listen, I'll take what I can get.

Woo!

Ha.

Is that thunder I heard,

or is it just our plumbing again?

I guess that means we're off double shifts for a while, huh?

And, uh, park detail.

Oh, yeah? How about that.

Somebody better tell Fish it's raining.

Okay, Wentworth, let's go.

Oh.

We're called on account of rain.

I thought it was just the plumbing.

Why don't we all go home and get some rest.

Come on, Fish, let's, uh, go get changed.

I think I'm gonna stay like I am.

Maybe I can get a seat on the subway.

Hey, what do you mean, you can't?

You're the weather bureau, aren't you?

Look, the paper said rain today

and it ain't rainin',

and it's a 110 degrees out there

and I want a forecast, and I want it now!

You can't?

With all them bottles and cans

you got spinnin' around up there?

Yeah, well,

you'd be worried too if you had a moustache, lady.

Wojo, park details are on again.

Get Wentworth on 8 to 4 and Bailey as a backup.

Sure, Barn.

Harris, uh, you shave at sundown.

Hey, uh,

you won't buy a veil, huh?

Never worked for me.

Chano.

Chano, you owe me three supplementals

and two auxiliary reports and I gotta have them in...

In duplicate, triplicate, quadruplicate.

Right.

You'll never guess what I stepped in.

Hot tar.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

I got a surprise for you.

A new fan.

Hey, a fan, what do you think about that?

In one minute, you're gonna be in heaven.

Wentworth?

It's, uh, Wojciehowicz at the 12th Precinct.

Yeah, yeah, hi.

Hey, uh, you're on tonight from 8 to 4.

Yeah. No, uh, no, not with me.

With, uh... With Harris.

No, I'm not trying to duck anything.

Uh, if I'd been assigned to you, I-I would've gone.

Yeah, really, I'm just going off duty.

Wait, hold... Hold on a second, Wentworth.

I think we can work something out.

Hey!

Hey, what's the matter with you? You crazy or something?

Oh, man.

Oh, man.