Original subtitles

Yeah, okay, you'll get it.

Are you gonna to do that all day?

You take care of your body, it will take care of you.

The way I figure, at this point,

we don't owe each other anything.

Morning mail.

It's almost 5 p.m.

Came early today.

Great. Eight hours later it'll be morning mail again.

Here you are, Fish.

Thirteen cents a stamp.

I wouldn't write to anyone

if my life depended on it.

Chano and Harris.

They both smell from perfume.

Maybe they're writing to each other.

Here's the, uh, duty roster for tomorrow.

It's almost 5:00.

You guys can check out if you want.

Long distance call from Florida, Barn.

Sardana Beach.

I already took that one.

They called again.

Somebody tryin' to sell you a lot?

Heh. A job.

In Florida? Yeah.

Where are Chano and Harris?

They, uh, went out on a call about a half an hour ago.

Yemana went with them.

They call in yet?

Not yet. Um, Barn,

you're not leavin' us?

Haven't made my mind up yet.

Captain, morning mail.

Oh, wonderful. Eight hours later

and it'll be back to being morning mail again.

Hey, I just said that. Just a minute ago.

No kidding? Yeah.

It just sort of slipped out.

Barney, can you see what this says?

It's a credit card charge for $26.

Yeah, but what is the $26 for?

It looks like a restaurant.

I can't make out the name.

It can't be a restaurant. There's no tip.

It's from a restaurant.

No, I'm telling you, man, nobody cares, man.

Everybody was standing around and not one single person...

nobody, not one person, lifted one single finger to help.

Hey, take it easy, man.

How many times... How many times did I say, "Call an ambulance.

Somebody please call an ambulance"?

What did you need an ambulance for?

Ah, it's Yemana.

What happened? How bad?

He got a bullet in his cheek.

Oh, my God.

Not that one.

Actually, he's pretty lucky.

He'll probably be in Bellevue about a week.

Coming from behind!

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Take it easy. What happened?

We got a call. Somebody's got some information

about a robbery suspect. We go to check it out.

They're waiting for us.

A setup?

Ah, a couple of dudes opened up on us

before we had a chance to say anything.

Yeah, isn't that a shame?

Because we usually get a chance to say, "Halt!

"Police officers. Hands in the air or we fire.

"However, if while you are making up your mind,

"you choose to fire on us, hey, feel free to do so.

"And, afterwards, we will read you your rights.

"Don't worry about a thing. Yeah.

Just check form A, B, or C."

We gotta change the rules, man.

Did you get a good look at them?

We didn't get a chance to see much, Barney.

We were on the floor, man, trying to get under the floor.

Well, gentlemen,

it appears someone out there doesn't like us.

Well, they sure picked a fine way of showing it.

What's more, they got the edge.

They know how to get to us.

Not if we don't take any more calls.

No guts.

Twelfth Precinct, Fish.

Twelfth Precinct, Detective Harris.

Twelfth Precinct, Wojciehowicz.

Yeah, give me the address.

Hold it, hold it...

There's your publicity, boys.

Where?

On the board, under the thumb tack.

Would you read it, please? I'm too modest.

It's "Cops Ambushed."

You mean, that's it?

That's just the headline.

Uh, then it says,

"Three detectives from the 12th Precinct

"were fired upon by an unknown assailant.

There was one person injured."

It's a very nice article.

Yeah. No autographs, please.

You want to take my bank charge card away, be my guest.

I can't afford credit anyhow.

I don't wanna argue.

I can't read it. I'm not paying it.

Nick sends his love and he says in lieu of flowers

he'll take a rubber doughnut. How's it going?

Uh, this is what we've got so far.

These are all known cop haters.

It's a growing industry.

I think it's our image.

Maybe we shouldn't smile so much.

We always go around doing a lot of smiling.

That's true.

Well, I sure wish you had gotten a good look at those guys.

Hey, I told you, man, the apartment was dark.

Yeah. I just wish I had been there.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. You were a Marine.

What's wrong with that?

Marines don't smile, man.

They got these cold blue eyes,

they always look straight ahead,

and they got jaws about a foot wide. Like that.

Well, I guess we just approach things differently,

psychologically speaking.

Hey, man, you weren't the only dude in the service.

Aha, that's right. You see that?

You forgot Harris was in the Coast Guard for two years.

Yeah.

Uh, the legal department, wasn't it?

Yeah. You think that wasn't rough?

Hey, maybe. I don't know.

Har, har, har.

Okay, okay. There's enough cop hating out there,

we don't need it in here.

I'd just like to know how we're gonna find them now.

Don't worry about it. They'll call us.

How we gonna know it's them?

You won't... till you get there.

Great.

Well, here I am back home again...

at the United Nations.

"Bunny" dias, Chano.

Yeah, yeah, how you doing, Kelly?

Ah, "beuny, beuny." How are things up in your neighborhood?

Oh, much better

now that we're moving up to Central Park West.

Central Park West? Yeah.

That's a pretty rich neighborhood.

How can your people do that?

It's a community thing.

It's called revolution.

You're puttin' me on.

Only for a while.

What do you say, Harris?

Ah, hiya, Kelly.

Hey, you smell pretty good. What you wearing?

I'm not wearing anything.

You're kiddin'?

You surprised?

Hello there, Kelly.

To what do we owe this pleasure?

Detective Third Grade Eugene Kelly reportin' for duty.

I've been assigned to your squad.

What for?

South said you're short-handed, so they sent me.

The department likes to keep a guy like me movin' around.

I can understand that.

Only I, uh, don't like replacing

a guy who just bought the farm.

Yemana hasn't bought anything more serious

than a week on his stomach, relax.

That's his, uh, desk over here.

Oh. Hey, Barney, do I gotta use his desk?

He won't mind.

Barney, what do you think of this one?

Twelfth Precinct, Detective Wojciehowicz.

Yeah, hold on, just a minute.

It's for you. It's Sardana Beach again.

I'll take it in my office.

Hey, Fish, what happened to Yemana?

Was he cleaning his gun or something?

He was ambushed. Ambushed?

Just because he's a Japanese?

Boy, some guys are always trying to get even.

It was just some guy who doesn't like cops.

Hey, there's more and more of that.

You know, people used to like cops.

Back in the old days we used to be George Murphy,

Phil Regan, Pat O'Brien.

Nowadays we're Al Pacino,

Richard Roundtree.

No wonder we're getting ambushed.

Hey, uh, you guys.

Um, I think Barney's leavin' us.

Yeah, where's he goin'?

Well, he's been offered a job in Florida,

and, um, well, they must want him pretty bad.

They called him four times.

Oh, he's been offered jobs before, man.

Hey, man, but it's a beautiful time to go.

Ambush time in Manhattan.

When the dingbats are in bloom.

Anybody want to be police chief of Sardana Beach, Florida?

The job is open. I'll take it.

You? In Florida?

You gotta be kiddin'.

Why not, man? They must have, uh, seen Blazing Saddles by now.

Hey, you're not gonna take it, huh, Barn?

I didn't say no, I didn't say yes.

I told them I'd think about it.

I wouldn't blame you if you would. Yeah.

By the way, can you take anybody with you?

Other than your family, I mean?

We haven't gone into details yet.

Twelfth Precinct. Kelly.

Yeah, all right, all right. Now, calm down, lady. Calm down.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, give me your phone number.

Yeah.

And the address?

Okay, we'll send somebody right over. Thank you.

We got a burglary on 17th Street.

Some broad had her apartment rifled.

Hey, that could be another setup.

Come on, Kelly.

Uh, what do you mean, "Come on, Kelly"?

I just got here. I'm still unpacking.

I'm trying to get acclimatized, you know.

Hey, come on, Harris and Chano had their shot, it's our turn.

Listen, I don't wanna muscle in on another guy's collar.

Forget it. I'll go.

Yeah, yeah, sure. Go. You got seniority.

You better verify that call first.

Yeah, good idea. Fish, why don't you verify the call?

I mean, come on, will ya? Hey, that's a rookie trick.

Muscle in another a guy's collar.

Back in the old days, cops didn't do things like that.

Hello, madam?

This is Detective Fish at the 12th Precinct.

Did you just place a call

to report a burglary in your apartment?

You did? Thank you.

We're glad to hear about that.

We'll send someone right over.

Legitimate? She lost everything.

Hold it. Wojo.

Take Kelly with you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. I'm glad to go.

I hear you don't wanna walk into an ambush.

You got a pad? Yeah, I got a pad.

All right, let's mount up.

Keep your eyes open, kid. Yeah. Don't worry.

Fish. Hey, um,

you guys see... You didn't think I was trying

to muscle in on your collar, did you?

No, man, of course not. Don't be silly.

I wouldn't do nothing like that.

We know that. Hey, it's cool, man.

I got a lot of respect for the Coast Guard.

I talked it over with Liz. It's a...

It's a tempting offer.

You know, pretty little town of about 25,000.

Nice clean environment, beautiful weather.

You turned it down.

I'd be bored without the challenge,

without the pressures, without the problems.

It's not for me. Maybe when I retire.

So they asked me to recommend somebody else.

Is it someone in this room?

I told them you were the most experienced officer I knew.

Did you tell them how old I was?

I told them you were extremely mature.

So you lied.

I told them you were facing enforced retirement,

and it would be a shameful waste

of a valuable piece of manpower.

Florida, huh?

Think about it.

It would be a perfect job for you.

Don't you think I'd be bored?

Boredom is a state of mind.

Well,

it's better than doing nothing at all.

It may not be such a bad idea.

Hm.

Nice sleepy town, green lawns,

warm winters.

Might even help things between me and Bernice.

You know, seeing her with a tan.

Hey, here's a winner.

It's, uh, "Hess, Jr., "Arnold S., "5/4/73.

"Attempted assault on police officer with a lead pipe.

"11/2/73, unprovoked attack on police officer with knife.

3/17/74, attempted manslaughter on police officer with car."

Sick man, sick.

Yeah. Well, we don't have to worry about him.

He's already doing one to 10.

Oh. Good.

For tax evasion.

Sure, he finally went too far.

Okay, okay, would you just step inside please, Mr. Ditka.

What is this? Another attempt to persecute

the American sportsman?

Uh, just have a seat over here, please, Mr. Ditka.

I was up on my own roof, rammin' my own cleaning rod

through my own rifle barrel.

Supposed to be something wrong about that?

Mr. Ditka...

Mr. Ditka, we're not pressing charges against you.

We're merely conducting an investigation.

Hey, one, two.

Your old army bunkmate.

Always keep you company and never gets pregnant.

Where'd you find him?

Mr. Ditka was up on a roof

across from the apartment building that got ripped off.

Oh, yeah?

Mr. Ditka, what are you doing up on a roof cleaning your rifle?

Why don't you clean in your apartment?

I like to be in full view of the local youth.

Just another way of saying, "Emile Ditka's got a gun."

Would you, uh, sit down please, Mr. Ditka?

There are no palm trees,

but it does have a certain charm.

Hey, Barn. Excuse me.

Uh, this is Emile Ditka.

We found him up on a roof with that rifle.

It hasn't been fired yet.

Not yet.

Are you planning on firing this, Mr. Ditka?

If the need arises and the opportunity presents itself,

Que será será.

Right?

I assume this is registered with the police department?

Oh, yes, it's registered.

Check it out, Kelly.

Yeah, right away, captain.

Hey, yeah, ha!

They say war ain't supposed to be fun,

but that one's about as close as you can get.

When do I get my piece back?

As soon as it's checked out.

When do I talk to my lawyer?

There's no need to call a lawyer, Mr. Ditka.

You're not being charged with a crime.

Oh, don't give me that.

The members of my group have been hassled before.

What group would that be?

The Staten Island Shoot Club and Personal Armament League.

I'm not, uh, familiar with that group.

Well, you will be.

And when you need us, we'll be there.

It's good to know we have support in some quarters, huh?

Wonderful.

Of course you've got support.

You think the league don't know what you guys are goin' through?

You got friends out there.

See, we just keep a low profile for security reasons.

How many, uh, members are there in your league?

So far? Well, round figures.

Now, let's see. Uh...

There's me and Charlie. And Larry.

And a new guy. Sid something.

Twelfth Precinct. Detective Sergeant Amenguale speaking.

Would you repeat that please?

Uh, yes, yes, I'm writing it down.

Uh-huh. Very good, thank you.

Yeah, we should be there between 10, 15 minutes.

Thank you very much. Goodbye.

Barney, I swear to you,

that's the same guy that called me yesterday.

Here we go. Round two.

This time we're all going.

Wojo, draw some weapons.

Meet you downstairs. Okay, captain.

Fish, get your excitement while you can.

It checks out, Barney. It's registered all right.

Okay, give it back to him. Wait.

Draw Mr. Ditka some .30 caliber ammunition.

What for?

Well, we could use the extra firepower, Mr. Ditka.

That's an ambush. They want to kill police officers.

It's a wonderful opportunity. Oh.

Oh, well, now, wait a minute.

Uh, we've only been on maneuvers a couple of times.

So what? Practical experience

is the best experience. You're gonna love it.

Oh, no, wait. I-I don't know if I can get the guys together.

Larry's a fry cook. He doesn't get off till 4:30.

Come alone.

Oh. No, not me.

I never shot nobody in my life.

You see, we just use silhouettes, cans, birds.

Birds? You shoot little birds?

Well, yeah, but we really don't shoot to kill.

Here's your opportunity. Come on.

No, no. You can't make me go.

You can't make me shoot anybody.

I thought that's what you wanted.

You're crazy.

You cops are crazy.

No wonder people don't like you.

Okay, Mr. Ditka,

it's a wonderful opportunity, you blew it.

Blood-thirsty devils.

After you, gentlemen.

Kelly, uh, mind the phones.

Yeah. Yeah, 5:15. That's right. Yeah. See you then. Yeah.

Oh, hey, Fish. Yeah?

Here, call Operator 4 in Miami.

What's going on around here?

Is everybody going to Florida?

Can I take this in your office, Barney?

Sure. And good luck.

Yeah.

Where have you guys been?

Hey, it was another setup.

Only this time, we got 'em.

Oh, yeah?

And I was here all alone answering all these telephones.

Where's Chano and Harris?

It was their collar.

They took those creeps downtown.

"Pick up bread on way home tonight."

This has no name on it. Is that for, uh, Fish or me?

That's for Wojo.

It ain't "bread," it's "broad."

Holy cow. What a stink.

What did you guys do, come back by way of Newark?

Isn't this the pits, man?

You go lay your body and soul down on the line for 'em,

and this is the thanks you get from the home folks

you're trying to protect.

What, uh, happened?

What hap...? What do you think? What does it look like?

They threw garbage on us!

We were putting those two...

in the van,

and our adoring public throws garbage at us from the windows.

What's the matter? They run out of confetti?

I'll tell you one thing.

I am totally disenchanted.

You'll feel better when you get your clothes cleaned.

What happened?

They're interested.

I told them I'd think about it. Good.

Did, uh, they tell you why

they need a new chief of police?

The old chief passed away.

He died of boredom.

He was sitting behind a desk one day,

in his office,

when a guy who was bored came in and shot him.

Huh.

Life is a gamble at best, wherever you are.

I don't know, Barney.

I think I'd miss all this.

The excitement, the challenge.

A man has to have something

to keep him out of the house.

I'll tell you, if nobody wants that job, maybe I'll take it.

If nobody around here appreciates the job we're doing,

what's the use of hanging around?

If you didn't expect so much, you wouldn't be so disappointed.

Barney, I don't expect so much.

All I would like is for somebody to say "thank you,"

just once in a while.

Once in a while somebody says thank you.

Yeah? Well, I haven't heard it.

You kidding? I got the garbage, but no flowers.

You never heard of Mrs. Lorraine Kirkland?

Who's Mrs. Lorraine Kirkland?

Mrs. Lorraine Kirkland happens to love the police.

I got a letter here from her that I've been holding off

because I figured there'd be a time

when you'd need a little morale booster. Okay, listen.

"To the men of the 12th Precinct.

"I am a widow, 72 years of age.

"Two weeks ago, my apartment was burglarized,

"and the gentlemen who were assigned to the case

"were courteous, efficient and very concerned.

"A short time later, the burglar was caught,

"and my most precious personal mementos were returned.

"Thank God there are men like you

"protecting people like me.

"Bless you all and thank you.

Sincerely yours, Mrs. Lorraine Kirkland."

When did we get that?

June 14th, 1959.

That was 16 years ago.

Yeah.

So she's either 88, or we're alone again.

Here you go. Duty roster for the rest of the week.

Chano, you and Harris are in court tomorrow.

That means I gotta get my suit cleaned.

Oh, that's all you got is one suit?

Forgive me.

I don't want a dog, Bernice.

We just had the couch covered.

What do you need company for?

You're not a young woman anymore.

Yeah, hold on a second.

I don't believe it. It's Florida again.

For me or for Fish?

It's for Kelly.

Uh, well, you see, Barney, I, uh...

Yesterday I-I put out a few feelers.

Can I-I take it in your office, Barney?

That's what it's for.