Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

I want you higher.

When I was eight years old,

there was this little bird with a broken wing

in a nest on my windowsill.

I took care of it.

I can't remember what happened to it.

I think it died.

My point is Adam was like that.

He was scared... of himself.

Of the next fuck up.

He was broken.

I just wish there was some way to make him understand

he didn't need to live in fear.

Fear of having to move back to his

brother's couch, or...

...fear of ever losing me.

After my parent's divorce, I vowed I'd never get married.

Never! I need intimacy.

Real intimacy.

Gina?

- Can I just say something? - Okay.

Try and gauge where you feel the most disturbed,

like, in your body.

Like, your stomach, your chest.

My brain?

Okay. Never mind.

No, no, no, wait, wait.

Right... right here.

In here.

Acupuncture helps restore harmony, you know.

That doesn't sound very good.

That's why you're so perfect.

All your negative energy.

I don't have negative energy.

Okay. I have negative energy.

Hmm?

I feel like... a bomb.

I feel like a time bomb,

like a heat... seeking cruise missile

that's destined to destroy everything that we have.

And, uh, and then I'll die.

You're joking, right? 'Cause that's not possible.

Hey, Gina, I love you. I believe in you.

- I really don't... - Take your shirt off.

- Now? - Mm-hmm.

Up.

Um... does this seem like bee sting therapy to you or...

Nope, nope.

You like it when I'm bossy. Hold very still.

- Ah... ah!! - You okay?

So how did it go?

Dude, stop. Just, uh, just please drop it.

Like for real just... I don't want to talk about it.

Okay. What happened?

- What did I just say? - I can respect that completely.

So we've got duck tacos, foraged beets,

artisanal ramps with roots attached,

kale quinoa burger with goat cheese and avocado,

roasted brussel sprouts with aoli, and...

Also she obviously said, no.

- What did I just say? - Here, taste it.

Um?

Mm?

That's really good. What kind of cake is this?

Wedding cake. You need to know that.

...just not gonna make anymore jokes, please?

Okay. I'm sorry, Adam.

I'm trying to save you from yourself, man.

And, you know, you might actually make this happen.

- This is excellent, by the way. - Thank you.

What about, she heals me.

Leo, she heals me.

I never said she heals me.

Unbelievable.

- Leo. - You didn't do it; did you?

- Did you? - Dude...

- Dude, stop. - Put these down.

Okay. You got cold feet. We can work with that.

This is way outside the box, need you to do something for me.

Punch me in the face.

- No. - So serious. Do it. Right now.

- Punch me in the face, Adam. - No.

- Do it right now. - Dude, you're insane.

-Adam, punch me in the face.

- I'm not gonna punch you... - Do it.

- Jesus. - Look at me.

You got cold feet.

Punch me in the face, Adam.

You're insane.

Fine. You know what?

I don't know why I'm even slightly surprised.

Because you can't change who you are no matter what that means

for anybody else. You've got an emotional

blind spot you could drive a truck through.

It's like you've got this cloud

that just follows you everywhere

and everybody can see it, man, but you.

And not looking at it is fucking selfish and pathetic.

Oh God, I'm sorry.

You've got a problem, dude.

I'm so...

- I didn't mean it. - Don't touch me.

You literally just told me to punch you in the face.

This isn't working out, man. Listen to me.

You need to find something else. Okay?

- I'm sorry. - You're going to fire me

for pushing you into a pile of garbage?

She's good for you.

Wow. Fire your own brother?

You're going to fire your own brother?

- Yeah, we'll see about that. - You're her problem now.

We'll see.

On Sundays our neighbors,

the Stubs, would come over for dinner.

My dad didn't like it.

He had to be up early.

Then he was a gracious host: smiling, passing vegetables.

But behind his eyes,

he was angry and connected to it,

I'll never say this enough,

acting is the most stark naked thing that you will ever do.

If you can somehow find the courage to be yourself,

intimate, vulnerable, out loud.

Well, then you have something.

It's not about pretending to be someone else.

Can you see what's unfolding right in front of you?

Can I help you?

Did somebody order these?

I...

Uh, yeah, it says, it's all paid for.

Oh, I know who this is from. It's from my better half.

Uh, I turn 61 today.

Is there that carrot... ginger cake?

That is the best thing I've ever had in my life.

Where are you?

- All right. - What? Why did?

Fuck.

This hasn't happened to me before.

It's just sex. Maybe just...

You wouldn't punch somebody in the face,

even if they begged you to do it, right?

Adam, can I just... do something?

Just... please?

This works for all kinds of dysfunction.

Mm-hmm.

I'm going to find your sacred points.

What are the sacred points?

Shut up.

You ready?

Well, hello there, sir.

What do you think of acupuncture now?

I don't know if it was that or the practitioner,

- but... - Mmm...

Wait what... what does that mean?

I'm sure it's the acupuncture too...

- It's a medical procedure. - Yeah, I know... I know that.

But it's not like you've done that before.

Or have... have you?

What... what are you asking me right now?

Do... do you think I work in some kind of

like, high-end massage parlor?

No, you're, like, an actual doctor.

What?

Do acupuncture on yourself next time.

Hey!

In acupuncture, there's something called Chi.

It's a life force that flows through every living thing.

Yeah, I don't even think Adam knows what Chi is,

and his fear of having to move back

to his brother's couch, just...

Why are you still in my restaurant?

-made him more nervous.

I said some things I didn't mean to say.

You said some things you...

No, I didn't say anything I didn't mean.

Adam, did you leave this cake in the park all night?

- Look at that! - What are you talking about?

It's ruined, it's garbage. I can't sell that.

I mean, I... I think it looks fine... it tastes good.

Yeah, it tastes good. It tastes good to you.

It's not good. Okay? It tastes good to you

because it's full of sugar, and you're a child,

and children love sugar, but it's not fucking good.

I forgot it. I forgot...

Did you also forget that you're fired?

No, no, no. Ouch.

- I'm so tired. - You're tired?

- What are you... - I'm so tired.

- What are you tired of? - I'm tired from carrying you.

You have a chemical disorder

that can I cannot help you with anymore.

- Adam? - Hey, you about ready?

Do you have any specials today?

He actually doesn't know about the specials,

because he's fired.

We have a limited fused couscous

with a side of grilled asparagus, and we also...

Also, I'd like to apologize for my brother.

He spent time in a mental hospital.

It actually wasn't a mental hospital,

- it was a center... - Sorry, a mental center.

It wasn't. I was there for two weeks...

maybe two weeks, two years ago.

I'm not... for just two weeks. That was just two weeks.

You don't work here anymore.

This is where it all started.

I know I don't know you, bro, but if it helps,

it's okay to feel humiliated.

But we were... we... we're ready to order though.

This is why I don't tip.

Adam? Adam!?

- Adam!! - Hey, bro.

There's something wrong with you.

Adam struggled with a cocktail of things.

Some depression, uh, impulsivity issues.

It's not just about what your partner is doing.

When he was discharged,

they checked the box, other, for him.

Hey... hey... hi.

Um, I forgot this the other...

That did not just happen.

- That's okay. - I'm sorry.

That's okay.

It's not... it's not okay.

It's not.

Ow.

What the hell?

Sorry... sorry.

I... I'm a total fuck up.

I want to pay for this.

I am a fucking idiot...

I'm an idiot with impulse control problems.

I want to pay for this. Um...

I have a tip... tips.

So I have 20, 22, 23, 24...

26. 26 bucks!

I think this is going to be more than 26 bucks.

Adam?

Hello?

Hey, I probably shouldn't be asking you this like this,

but, uh...

...will you marry me?

Hello?

Husbands used to own their wives.

I don't want to own you. I just want to die with you,

you know, or be there when you die.

You already have me. Adam, you are my entire world,

what could be more real than that?

Some other person to tell us that we're going to spend

the rest of our lives together, because I do that, you do that.

I'm going to fuck this up.

I'm going to fuck this up. I always do.

I'm not just saying that. You know that, I know that,

my brother knows that. I am going to fuck this up.

It always happens, like, we need to... we need to end this.

You're right, we need to end this.

And I kind of feel like I need to cut off my arm

to save the... you know, the two of us,

- like the guy in that movie. - How is this like that?

Gets his arm caught behind the boulder.

But then you're also cutting off my arm.

I'm sorry, babe, I don't want to cut off your arm too.

- I... - I love who you are.

I love who you are.

But I heard in a podcast that the chances of...

- Adam... - Like even being born

in this universe are 400 trillion to one.

So that means it's, like, 400 trillion for me,

and 400 trillion for you, and then you, like...

It's not who I am.

I just... I don't buy it.

Matrimony is a lie.

Okay, it's... it is the worst Ponzi scheme ever.

It's... it's the Tooth Fairy.

We know better.

No.

You're only saying that because it's me.

There was nowhere to hide so I bought some time.

- What are you eating? - Wedding cake.

- I saved you a piece. - Thank you.

- Hey, Adam. - Yeah?

You think maybe this is an engagement cake?

No, that doesn't exist.

Wait, li... what?

- An engagement cake? - Mmm.

- Our engagement cake? - Mmm.

Okay.

- Jesus Christ! - Wow, what!?

What's going on?

Now, I'm pretty sure I said maybe,

but Adam heard: get a job.

When you were a child,

what did you dream of doing?

Uh, I don't know. Um-uh... uh...

I like to... what do I like to do?

Uh, I think a better question is...

do... do you want... uh, need me to lie?

Because I will.

Let's break for lunch.

There's a place next door.

Hi. This is bad. Can I get my money back?

Uh...

You know, I'll be honest with you.

Uh, there's nothing wrong with it.

All the food tastes like that.

Do you want a job?

Adam.

I could be looking to bring somebody on, part-time.

Where is that... come on.

Oh... Where is it?

Ah, yes, here it is.

Yeah. I... I know. They're not very flattering.

I'll take this stuff for you, put in a locker.

- It will be safe there. - I'll just hang to my phone.

Oh, no, no, no. Taking that too. You'll thank me.

When was the last time you were chained to this thing?

Besides, this job, it's gonna require all your focus.

- Hi, sweetie. - Hi.

Hey, congratulations! I knew you'd find something.

This is Norma.

She is helping me practice until I get my certification.

Namaste.

Nama... hey, I brought dinner from work.

So...

Ah!

Don't bogart the chicken, Adam.

What's so funny about someone wanting to marry me?

I have a few good points, you know.

I'm getting the short end of the stick.

What.

How's your foot, Norma?

Oh... oh...

You're good at the needles. I'm very relaxed.

- It's after midnight. - I know. Norma was helping meditation practice until 10:00. So...

- Do you meditate, Adam? - No.

- God, I wanna marry you. - What?

I said I wanna marry you.

- You do? - Yes, I love you.

- Hmm? - I didn't say anything.

- What are you gonna do? - I don't know.

He needed this and I...

I needed to move past this.

Sometimes love means compromise.

You know what? Let's just not overthink it.

So that happened.

- Do I have to keep holding this? - Yeah, keep holding it.

Oh!

Can I have your attention, please?

Sorry everybody.

And for those who don't know me, I'm Leo.

I'm Adams proud big brother today, and, uh, I made the cake.

Gina humbles him, which is not easy,

okay, because those of you who know him know

that he's been humbled a lot, just by life.

Um...

Sorry, I'm...

I'm better with peaches than with speeches 'cause I'm a chef.

Yeah. Um, so what I'm trying to say is... is...

is that he's scared, petrified, really.

Not in a bad way. Um, not in a bad way.

In a great way, in a cool way

because he loves her so much.

It's like he's just afraid that... that if he says her name,

if that word even comes out of his mouth,

it's just going to

Just , like, turn to ashes

and it will ruin everything forever.

But not today. Not today.

So here's to Adam and Gina.

Thank you.

Ow!

- Hey. - Hey, bud.

The speech was... was awesome.

- Thank you. - No problem.

The cake... it's, like, too much.

What's up?

Nothing. I'm just saying thanks.

- Okay. - Do you think I'll get

my old job back too? Or... ha!

Let's not talk about it, okay?

I'm gonna get a drink.

- Big day? - Yep.

Sometimes I think love is sort of like this drink.

Try and hold it...

...it'll slip through your fingers

- and spill all over the place. - Don't do that.

Gina's mother and I were in love and we got married.

She says I'm a completely different

person from the man she first met.

She made me lose any confidence I had.

I hear you need money. What is it you're doing now?

Here.

Hm? Huh?

$2,800?

You and Gina should have the opportunities

her mother and I didn't.

It's dated 20 years from now.

It's a wedding gift from the future.

- Oh! - Whoop!

Happy now?

Got a minute?

What the heck is this?

Uh, the heck... the heck is what?

Take it down.

It's a review of the restaurant.

I'm not gonna say it again.

- Take it down. - It's oppressive.

Take... it... down.

All the way down, all the way down.

No.

I am saying it again. It's happening right now.

What I said was gonna happen is gonna happen right now.

- Take it down right now! - No.

- Take it down right now!! - No!!!

I'm gonna kill you if you don't take it down right now.

You can kill me but I'm not gonna take it down.

I will kill you dead right now.

It's a little greasy.

Maybe it's because it's deep fried in lard.

Could be why.

Do you know how much traffic we generated last quarter?

Negative 12 percent. How's that even possible?

Negative numbers don't even exist.

- Who's this? - Adam.

- Drew's the manager... - Director of operations.

You think it's a good idea to hire a new guy

with these numbers?

- I can hire who I want. - Really?

- Is that what dad said? - I'm gonna go.

I don't need permission. It's my store.

It's dad's company.

Listen, I'm up for vice president.

You are not gonna mess this up.

Vice president of what?

Clean yourself up, shave your face.

Why do I have to shave my face?

Considering this for all of our stores.

- I'm not gonna do that. - I'm not asking.

Bock-bock, dipshit. You suck.

You forgot your thing.

He seems nice.

Oh...

Uh, Hey, Walt? Walt.

Walt?

Walt?

Walt?

Walt! Walt?

- Nobody's in the store, man. - Sorry, you had to see that.

Hey, girls.

Wow.

Oh, sorry.

Are they, uh, are they part of the menu?

No, no, they're not part of the menu.

They are like my children.

Only, you know, so much more than that.

They grow up so fast. Look, Chelsea was just an egg.

Ah.

You live here too?

Oh, yeah. My, uh, dad owns the building.

Actually owns a bunch of buildings in the area.

So, uh, no rent.

When I was 12 he gave me a wedgie

- until I told him he was King. - King of what?

Is the king of everything.

It's demeaning. He likes to demean me.

Why don't you tell your brother to shove it?

Yeah, yeah, you're right. I know you're right.

Every neuron in my brain is... is... is screaming

that I should know better but...

...the truth is, he is the king.

Dude, your brother is not the king.

Elvis, he's the king.

Yeah, Elvis is the king.

Elvis is the king. You know why?

Because he's like, "Uh-huh!" That's why.

That's good. That's a good Elvis!

You could do it too. Try it: Uh-huh.

Uh-huh! Ruh-huh!

It's no Fat Albert, but...

Uh, can I just say something?

Your brother is a moron.

You don't have an older brother, do you?

No.

Yeah, I can tell.

You don't seem like it. You're so confident.

Yeah.

Give me that chicken suit, boss.

Hey, you guys want to, uh, check the menu?

Bock-bock!

Why are you dressed like that?

- Because I'm a chicken. - No, you're not.

- Yes, I am. - No, you're not.

Ruby, I couldn't find you!

- Hi, Linda. - Hi.

Thi... this's is Adam.

- Ah... hi. - Hi.

I own the salon a few stores down.

- She's really good. - Let's go.

Oh, hey Ruby. Here's the sticker for you.

It's the chicken from our signs.

You can go ahead and put that wherever you want.

Not on public property though, you know.

We, uh, exchanged keys while back.

I think she likes me.

- Store keys. - Yeah. Yeah.

Deep breaths. Yeah.

You got this. Oh, you're doing so good.

You're doing so good, baby. I'm so proud of you.

- Thank you so much. - Mm-hmm.

- Says your name. - It does.

Hmm... I don't know.

Something is so wrong with you.

Of course, they have to be hatched before they can grow up.

So let's start at the beginning in the incubator.

There's not a single county in the United States...

You know, she's...

Do you she studied in Tibet. With like Monks.

She's, for real, like, a Buddhist nun.

- Norma? - Mm-hmm.

She took a vow of celibacy. No distractions, no marriage.

Just to give you an idea of the size

of this poultry business, Americans eat

140 million eggs per day.

She's enlightened.

One for every man, woman and child in the nation.

What you watching?

Uh... I'm, uh...

Do you what it means to be enlightened?

Yeah. Just don't have any problems.

It means that she sees things clearly, like, the world.

She sees the world clearly.

I don't even know if that... is that even possible?

Do you think you see yourself clearly?

You think you see me?

Do you know how I feel right now?

I feel I...

I feel like a wife.

A wife that is cleaning up after her husband

and it fucking sucks.

- Okay. - Mm-hmm.

- So let's switch. - Yeah.

- Great. - Great.

- My turn. - Mm-hmm/

Just promise me...

promise me that we won't...

...slip into roles.

Huh?

- Nothing. - What did you say?

Nothing.

Hi, you like the menu? Bock!

We don't have soup, it's just chicken. No? Okay. Cool.

- Hey. - Yeah.

You can take that thing off. I called my brother.

I'm not him, you know.

Hey! Are you nuts?

Have you lost your mind? Don't walk away from me.

No one is going to wear that get-up.

Oh, yeah? Fine! I don't really care.

Great. Is there something else you wanna say?

Huh?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Yeah, I've got something I want to say.

Fuck you.

Fuck you, you fucking soulless moron.

I'm telling dad!

Get outta my way, chicken.

Jesus...

I got to go.

Walt! Hey, you okay?

- No. - Hey, I feel responsible.

I don't want to screw things up at work.

Are you kidding me? Thank you!

I'm finished. I'm quitting.

Don't do that. Hey, where are you going?

Oh, you should get out.

There is something I need to do now in person.

Do what?

Resign.

I told you not to get in the car.

If you quit, I don't have a job.

How far are we going?

- You ever heard of Plattsburgh? - No, I don't think I have,

I don't think I have ever heard of Plattsburgh.

It's north of that.

Actually we weren't supposed to evolve consciousness

and that... that's a hyper evolution.

So now we've got these brains that are hyperactive, right?

Nobody commits to each other as humans in a loving relationship.

Murder them, cut their heads off,

fry him up, throw away half of it.

You ever read David Brooks?

No.

He says you're either living your resume or your eulogy.

Which one are you living?

What's wrong?

Uh, I don't know, Walt. I'm in the middle of nowhere

in a chicken suit. What's wrong with you?

Ah! I keep a couple extra in the trunk.

Jump suits, that is.

Do you have any cash? They don't take cards up here.

Uh, no. I just... Can we just go back?

I'm going to put my chicken suit in the trunk.

I don't have any shoes.

- Hey! - Hey! Come on. Get in.

The hell gives, man!?

Dad?

Dad. Hey, dad.

He's got to be around here somewhere.

Come on.

Dad? Dad.

Believe it or not, he used to be a simple farmer.

Back before he got that mega barn thing.

Back then, it all started with this one.

God.

It looks bad, but it's sturdy.

First he had three franchises, then he had six.

- How many are there now? - Five.

I shut one down.

Drew promised him that he would keep me in line.

I don't know why I let him walk over me. I really don't.

If you're hiding,

please come out, because this is weird.

It's this thing he does. He just, like...

goes into the hills sometimes.

Are we parked this way?

Think I left the fryer on at the store.

I hope so.

Come on, dad.

Maybe he is not here, Walt.

Dad?

Dad!

You know, I used to sell chickens at the farmers market.

Uh-huh?

I never really made money at it,

but I never thought I'd be working for my... dad!

Where are you?

A lot of people think that all chickens look the same

but they're wrong.

This little guy right here, this is Hank.

He's supposed to go to the slaughterhouse,

but I never had the heart to take him.

You can tell that he's got a little birthmark under one eye.

I didn't know chickens could have birthmarks.

Yeah, most people don't.

Humans were meant to stay dumb animals.

Being aware of our own mortality is a curse.

- Come here. - Oh, hey, dude.

- Let's get the cages. Come on. - What are you doing?

I probably I should have called

before I drove all the way up here.

Probably.

My father's got a factory.

You should see the way he incarcerated in birds.

It's disgraceful. It's like Auschwitz.

I'm sure it's not like that, but...

Well, we can agree to disagree.

Hey, can we close the windows?

What?

Can we close these windows?

No can do, hombre. Chickens love this.

Makes them feel like they're flying.

Whoo.

Alright.

Okay.

Thank you for coming up there with me.

I'm not afraid to say I don't have

what most people would call... "friends."

I'm not Mother Theresa, you know.

If you quit, I don't have a job.

Are you 100% sure you wanna do this?

I want you to know, I will always be there for you,

to use as a reference.

Hey, Walt.

Oh, shit. Walt, you forgot a chicken.

Can you let me in?

Wow, what happened to you?

Don't... don't ask.

- But A... Adam? - Uh-huh.

Maybe you don't wanna walk on my carpets right now.

Oh my god. Hi! Hi.

I had a gerbil once.

It died. His name is Susie.

I was playing with him and I got hungry,

so I went to get some ice cream and accidentally

left them in the freezer.

When I found him he has frozen.

So I tried to throw him out in the microwave.

I also had a rabbit.

It died too.

And a snake, and I had turtle,

and a fish named Sparkle.

Hi, and a bird like you, and an iguana.

Oh my god, I killed them all.

That's okay.

No! No, baby. I kill things.

I don't mean to, but apparently I just do.

Hey!

Hey, you don't look very happy, do you?

You wanna...

- Uh... babe, don't... - Come on, you can...

Don't... don't do... don't do that!

Oh, okay, all right.

- Hey. - Okay, just, just get it.

Get... oh I got mud all over.

Yes sure. No... no problem.

All right, okay. Hi, bud.

Hi, Hank. Hi, Hank.

Hank? It's a girl.

Who the fuck named the chicken?

He's on the table.

Oh my god, he's on the couch.

Down! Get down!

Oh, my God, the acupuncture table!

- You are so dead, Adam! - What did I do?

Get back into the cage, back.

It's on the bed.

You wanna do the thing?

- Now? - We don't have to.

No. Yeah, we should.

Oh, wait. No, the other thing.

- Oh, yeah. - Okay.

Well...

Where are you going?

I'm going to get this.

Um, wait. No A... Adam wait.

Can you just wait? No. Adam, you're making it worse!

- I'm cleaning up! - Adam, stop!

You're making it worse! Stop, stop.

Whoa. It's...

It's not like I wasn't fully aroused, you know,

I was, like, at least a 6 out of 10

- where 10 is like... - ...Fine.

- You don't believe me? - I... I believe you.

I just-I don't think you need to pretend.

If you can't perform, it's... it's not a big deal at all.

- I was a six. A... a full six. - Fine.

You think I was a five?

I am not doing this.

I know it's objective, but I think we can both agree

- I definitely wasn't a three. - Okay. I'm just gonna like,

put this out there and just speak some truth here.

There actually... there are a lot of things you could try,

like porn, Viagra, even acupuncture.

What's funny?

Do you even take this personally?

Just answer the question, please.

I do wanna answer the question.

I'm just afraid that you're gonna like...

- you're gonna get mad. - I won't be mad.

Okay, I think you can do better than that.

Do better than what?

See? Now you're mad.

You think acupuncture is bullshit.

No, I don't. I just... I think...

I think that if you didn't drop out of med school,

this wouldn't bother you so much.

Okay. Yeah. No... no, tha... this is...

This is good. This is... this is really good.

I like this. I think we're better off

when we're just being completely honest.

Um, hey, Adam? How is the world

of fast food working out for you?

I thought you didn't care about what I did.

Why do you think we got married?

Uh, I don't know.

Because you wanted to get married.

No.

No.

I did it for you.

I did it for you, Adam.

You don't think there's something wrong here?

I don't know how to answer that.

I think we need to take a break.

Can you please get that thing out of here?

Hi.

Oh, Phyllis! There you're.

Thought she had struck out on her own.

Can I sleep here... tonight?

Yeah, man. Come on in.

Whoa. I haven't had a slumber party since I was, you know, 26.

Open the door!

Walt!

What's with the closed sign downstairs?

- I quit. - Oh, yeah?

Dad called, he wants his chickens back.

- Why didn't he call me? - I don't know.

Maybe he didn't wanna accuse you

and the off chance you didn't do it,

which of course you did, because that's exactly-.

Open the door.

You want me to beg? Fine. I'm begging. This is me begging.

It won't happen if we don't work this out.

What won't happen?

My promotion.

You're the better man.

I'll do anything.

This was a great idea that you had.

To get in here in the trenches and just learn

- what the common... - Hey, Drew?

- What the working... - Drew?

shut up.

Hi, s... sorry.

Norma, right? Um, is Gina here?

You should know she has unlimited compassion for you.

Sure thing. Um, have you seen her or no?

If you didn't see her on the way in then,

well, she's in the sanctuary.

This is my fault, okay? Completely.

It's not your fault.

Norma, if you had a soft dick

and couldn't get it up, would acupuncture help?

Hypothetically.

- She said yes. - Hypothetically. Great.

- What are... - Adam... Adam.

Do you know what Dukkha is?

Uh, no, Norma, I don't know what the Dukkha is.

A Dukkha is Sanskrit.

Some call it suffering,

like all of life is... suffering.

I prefer unsatisfactory, but you have Dukkha, we all do.

You know what? I think she's great at acupuncture.

I think you're great at acupuncture.

You're certainly better than you are.

Okay. I'm... I'm going.

Gina!

Uh, no.

I can help you with that penis thing.

Hello?

Gina!? Gina?

I had to get out of there.

No, I wasn't... no, I wasn't... no, I wasn't.

I was wrong... I was wrong. You are right.

I was wrong... I was wrong. You are right.

It is important. It is important because I'm...

why are you there?

So I'm dating this girl for, like, six months.

Things are going great.

She takes me down to Albuquerque

to meet her family at a family reunion.

- Uh-huh. - And I got off the plane

and she introduces me as her long-lost brother.

I thought we were dating.

Can you wait for mummy at the table over there?

- How are you doing? - I'm okay.

So, she got kicked out of computer class.

What? Why?

Mmm... Actually, I was wondering

if she could spend a few afternoons here.

- She seems to like it. - Here? Uh...

Yeah, sure we'll babysit your kid.

What... hey, what...

whatever you... whatever you need, you know, um...

- Yeah? - Yeah, we're neighbors

and... and neighbors do anything for each other.

Great. I would appreciate that.

Yeah, leave her here.

If you're asking, I'm saying yes.

Yeah, I'll raise her just like one of my chickens, you know.

The... the ones I keep as pets, not the ones I...

- I, um, deep fry. - Right.

I... I won't deep fry your kid.

Is... I hope not. Is next week fine?

Yeah... yeah... yeah. Come on by anytime.

Okay.

Hard choice.

Hey, Adam?

Could you take Ruby outside for a minute?

Hey, Ruby, can you... um, can you burp the alphabet?

Check this out.

The first time I saw you I thought you were

a complete looser.

wearing that chicken suit.

Okay.

- Can I tell you something? - What?

Can't tell anybody else, this is a secret.

- Okay. - Okay, pinky-swear?

Okay. The reason why I'm wearing the chicken suit

is because I'm doing research.

Because I'm an actor so...

I was, like, a detective

and he works at a carnival

and there's this murderer, who they call the Coyote,

which is ironic, because coyotes eat chickens.

But anyway, you know, the trailer is going to be like,

"in an effort to catch a serial killer, Detective Mike Morosis,

dressing as a chicken to try and catch

the serial killer who's killing all the chickens."

Yeah, I'm cool, huh?

- For real? - Yeah.

Yeah, I want to be an actor.

- You do? - Do you have, like, any tips?

No.

No, I do not have any acting tips.

You know, I'm a total fuck up.

- Don't say that. - Oh, yeah, no.

Everything I touch turns to shit.

Is there anyone in your life that you can talk to?

Here's another 20 bucks for the door that I broke.

They were supposed to patch it up.

Yeah, 20 bucks probably not gonna do it, right?

Probably not.

Do you need help?

Sure.

Hi!

Hi! Is she here?

- Who is that? - It's nobody.

No, she's not.

Sometimes I see things.

I have a problem, okay?

Like, sometimes I just...

Like I just puke out the things that are in the top of my brain.

Like the stuff I said about your job, I didn't really think that.

Why are you here? Come home.

Adam, what if you, uh, do think those things.

I don't.

I think you do.

Dad.

It's my dad's car.

I screwed up.

- I like who I am. - I know.

I like what I'm doing. I'm actually proud of it.

I know.

It's just that I think you're better

than you even realize, like even at the... center.

You're... you're better than any doctor

who was there, and you were just a volunteer.

It was a hospital.

Do you ever think about intimacy?

Real intimacy, not fake intimacy, like when...

like when two people are all like,

"I love everything about you" and decide to get married

even though they really, really shouldn't.

And then things get way too honest.

And before you know it, you're living with your freaking

dad again.

What's my favorite book, Adam?

- What's your favorite book? - What's my favorite book?

What's my favorite book?

You don't like to read.

I like to read. I have on my... on my apps.

You don't know my favorite book.

Oliver, what's the one with the grapes?

What's the one with the grapes?

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.

You read it for the first time in, uh, junior high?

And... she put her head in the oven.

Nice...

And I'm awesome that I know that.

So I just want to understand when you said

you wanted to get married,

was that real intimacy,

or...

And that stuff with the engagement cake?

Wait, Adam.

Fuck.

This is a battle. There's mud flying everywhere.

Everybody can see it, man, but you.

And not looking at it is fucking selfish and pathetic.

This is for you.

That's okay.

Oh, no, come on. You deserve it.

No. Really, I should be paying you.

You have been a lifesaver.

Computer Club won't refund, but, you know what?

It occurred to me that I am the parent,

and she's going next week, even if she just has to...

No burping.

And really, any way I can repay you.

If you want a haircut or care to shave,

whatever you have going on there, but...

What's wrong with my mustache?

Nothing, it's just... Adam, if you want one too.

Yeah, sure. That sounds great.

So you're an actor?

Uh, who told you that?

Ruby.

Oh, come on, don't be shy.

I'm not really. I'm not.

So what do you want to do with it?

Shave it out, shave it off, shave everything.

I don't know.

Hmm. Wanna cut it like Brando?

- Short and forward? - Marlon Brando?

Mm-hmm. You kinda look like him.

I do?

There is a scene with Eva Marie Saint,

and they are on their first date, and it's cold out.

And she drops her glove, and he picks it up

and does the rest of the scene with it on.

There is no way it could have been scripted.

It was so real.

People aren't like that, you know.

Like what?

Like, movies aren't real. Like, all that cute glove shit,

- it didn't happen. - Oh, come on. You should see it.

It's good. Oh, sorry.

Thanks. I haven't seen one of his movies in a long time.

I don't even have a TV. My husband took it when he left.

But I guess I still could though, right?

Streetcar, Julius Caesar, One-Eyed Jacks.

They play all over the city. Make for a great date.

Well, I'd take my wife if she returned my calls.

Your wife?

Yeah.

And I was gonna ask you out.

Really?

You know what? I don't think you need a haircut.

Hmm... I doesn't look any different.

Yeah. Yeah, that's cause she, uh, she didn't cut it.

Things got a little weird, um,

I think she was trying to ask me out.

- Which is, uh... - Why would you think that?

- She told me. - She... she told you?

What did you say?

I didn't say anything. I said nothing.

She just... she asked for her bib back after I told her I was.

Oh. She just asked for the bib back? How did she do it?

Did she say give me back the bib

or did she say, "give me back the bib, ass face?

I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."

Are you okay?

Yeah. Oh, I'm... I'm fine. Yeah.

She can ask out whoever she wants to ask out, man,

she's an adult woman, but, you know, you're married,

so I'm just saying it's probably a good thing

she dumped you and broke your heart.

Yeah. Maybe you're right.

It would be bad to waste your life on the wrong person.

But you know what's worse?

Never finding the right person because you're too afraid.

Take Linda, for example.

Do you think she'll ever find the right person?

Maybe you're the right person.

Why would you say that to me?

He's right. You clearly think she's very hot.

Hey, now is a great time to point out your gambling problem

and you don't talk about Linda.

I have feelings that are hard to express.

But I don't particularly think you're in any position

right now to give relationship advice.

You know, some people never find their soul mate

in the whole fucking universe and you're too afraid

to walk half a block down the street to find out?

You act all Bohemian with your fucking mustache,

but the truth of the matter is you're just

a rich boy living in your daddy's condo

wearing his expensive flip-flops.

They provide art support.

You're a frightened little boy, Walt.

Great. Yeah, I'm a frightened little boy who gave you a job.

Well, I'm not a frightened little man who quits.

I quit.

Where'd he go?

All right, well, see you tomorrow.

- Did he quit? - What?

Ah, my fucking keys,

Walt.

Have you seen Walt?

- Why? - We're using Linda's keys

to get in if you get this. Could you come down?

Bye.

Yeah? Yeah?

Mm-mm.

You know, they found condoms in those.

Ew.

I should probably thank my ex-husband, if we were

still married I wouldn't have opened my own salon.

Sometimes you just got be alone

in order to see yourself, you know.

You know, I'm an ex husband.

Sorry.

Oh, no-no, no. It was bound to happen.

Like, something's wrong with me.

Did I tell you I lived with my mom until I was, like, 30?

- Yeah. Wow, it's right. - You didn't.

I lived in the garage in her Toyota Celica, uh, sometimes.

And in my darker nights

I, uh, I ate a whole bottle of, um,

ibuprofen and, uh, I turned the...

turned the car on, and, uh, tried go to sleep.

And they, uh, they checked me into a center.

My brothers signed me up.

I don't think ibuprofen is very lethal.

If I can just let you in on a little secret, um,

I never got a headache ever again.

The trick is though, if you wanna, uh,

you got to really choke off the tailpipe.

Sounds like you're very lucky.

So lucky.

Hello!

Hello?

- Adam. - Walt.

You called from Linda's phone, is she here?

- No. - No?

Oh, wow, dude. What happened to your face?

Oh, I took her up on her offer to shave me.

I was gonna make a move but I wimped out.

This is awful, I shouldn't have never let her touch my face.

Do you think I'm a sell out by living here, working here?

Uh, maybe a little.

If I sold grass-fed free-range chickens here,

would you buy one?

Uh...

Well, they we're going to die anyway.

Good bye old friend.

Two heat settings on this, and here she goes.

- What's that? - Oh, hey.

Just an alternative. Don't worry,

we'll still serve deep fried garbage.

But this is a pure bird.

- Hm. - What are you doing?

It's not who we are.

Confuses people. People like fried food.

Also, you probably used a company card for this

which you are only permitted to do with approval

which you don't have.

Thanks, brother, I couldn't have done this without you.

Dad made me vice president last night.

Human resources.

Love you, Walt.

What am I supposed to do with this?

I don't know.

Oh! And, uh, I also need to be taking the car?

- What? - Hey, cheer up.

I could have fired you! But I'm never gonna do that.

I love you man. Later, random guy.

Wha... Here bird.

Is he a supplier?

I'm... I'm, I'm not technically a supplier,

uh, you know, more of a guide, really.

A guide.

Cool place you got here, like the whole sailor theme.

Thank you.

- These look good. - Yeah, zero hormones,

- zero antibiotics. - This guy is the real deal.

Unfortunately, I already have a supplier, sorry.

You're never going to meet a more organic guy

than Walter. He treats his birds better than he treats himself.

I'm sure you treat your birds very well,

but I have a contract with the suppliers.

I mean, he said they were even like his children so here you go, they're all yours.

- What are you doing man? - What?

Are you like a poultry broker now?

Yeah, sure. I'm a poultry broker.

Okay. I'm sorry.

You can't show up at the restaurant unannounced with your fast food poultry associate, it's not a good look.

Because we're not fakes.

What?

I'm not a fake.

And I am, is that what you are saying?

You are the king of the king of the chi-chi local turnips.

At least I'm the king of something.

It's so charming when you do this.

Might someday have, like, fake little hipster babies with his fake little hipster wife

with his fake big two-bedroom condo.

God, what the fuck?

- What are you doing? - I'm going to take this.

Sorry about the cake.

I dropped it on the way over here,

but it stayed in the box though.

Can I ask you something?

People say I look like this guy.

Who says that?

- You don't think so? - No.

Not a fat Brando but muscle Brando, you know.

I don't see it.

Yeah, that's fine I don't either.

I will say this though, he could put his hand through a wall.

He was real.

He knew Marlon was enough, just a guy.

What is it you do?

What do I do? Uh, I work at a restaurant.

- Where you bought the food? - Not... not that one anymore,

Uh, it's called just chicken.

- I know that place. - Yeah.

Well, George I'm gonna... so... enjoy.

Ginger cake.

Hey, you know, who Stella Adler is?

- Uh... - Brando's acting coach.

She told her students that an atom bomb

was falling from the sky.

And we were supposed to act like chickens.

Every one flopped around bumping into

each other, you know, what Brando did?

He walked straight to the middle of the room and sat down.

He said, "That's what a chicken would do".

Stella!!

You said you didn't have a brother.

- This is really good. - Yeah.

Better than the crap we sell.

I heard they found condoms in those things.

What did you say?

I heard they found condoms in those.

Oh...

Linda said the same thing.

The other night.

How long were you down here?

Um, the other right?

Yeah. The night, uh, I felt like that.

What night was that?

You know, was that night was.

I wasn't spying on you.

Oh, then you could... you could have told me.

You could have told me.

You're the first real friend I've had since the fourth grade.

I wish Hank was here.

He was the chicken with mark on his eye.

I miss him.

Why did you kiss her, man?

Don't answer that. It's your wife, ex-wife.

- What? - She called... she called before.

- Where was I? - I don't know.

You were in the bathroom or something.

But she only called once.

Maybe twice. No more than four times.

Wait slow down I can't understand you.

What?

He was brushing his teeth and we were fighting.

He got upset and then he grabbed his chest.

We were, um, fighting about you, about us.

He said that I was... that I was lucky to not

be with you, that I was better off.

He got angry and I yelled at him,

Said that I loved you more than he could ever understand.

That he didn't understand love and he didn't understand me.

And then he... and then he collapsed

we both killed him Adam.

Wait what? No.

I... I wasn't even there.

What do you mean?

Nothing.

The funeral is on Saturday, all the way upstate.

I'll go with you if you want.

Candor was his gift.

And it's a gift I know we'll all miss.

And altogether now.

No. Ah, well.

♪ Amazing grace, how sweet the... ♪

Do you have any cash?

Some of these places don't take card up here.

How far are we from Plattsburgh?

Okay, Hank?

- Adam? - Yeah.

What are we doing here again?

If you see a chicken with a birthmark... Ah.

If you a, um, chicken with a birthmark on its eye, grab it.

Do you have a birthmark? Does he have a birthmark? She?

That's a she.

Adam? Adam, Adam!

Okay, I'm sorry, I meant to say something earlier.

I... I can't I... can't go back to the house.

It's, like, a haunted cigarette factory.

Huh, okay.

Okay.

Here we are.

I'm gonna get rid of this car.

It reeks of cigarettes.

Can I come up?

- Gina? - Um.

Tell me something that you've never told anyone before.

Um-huh.

- Um... - When did you get this?

The other day?

Huh, I didn't know you like Brando. Is it good?

I don't know, I just started it.

Oh my God, you've underlined.

You dork.

You're a nerd.

- Oh, wow. - Give me that.

I kissed someone last week.

- What? - Her name is Linda, she um...

Oh, yeah. Okay, I don't... I don't think I need to hear this.

She didn't kiss back.

Uh, yeah, I really, really, really

don't think I want to hear about it really.

Is she pretty?

- Um. - Please don't answer that.

Why did you tell me?

Why did you tell me?

Why?

I spread my father's ashes today.

I'm gonna go check the car.

You don't want to come in here.

It's 2:00 AM, are you coming up?

What's going on?

Is this because you kissed someone?

Oh, no. No, that's not the reason. No.

Okay, then what's the reason?

Something's wrong.

Like if something is not a big deal

then why is it a big deal to talk about it?

Why did I kiss her in the first place?

I don't know.

How long do these guys sleep?

I think they're like people.

Careful.

Okay, it's not safe down here.

Will you just please come up with me?

I'm good, really.

Fine. I'm sleeping here too.

Don't... don't. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

- No? - Please.

So this is what you want?

If I get out of this car, it's over.

Don't do this. Don't do this.

Can you buzz me up?

No. No. Adam, I'm done.

I'm done. You need to leave right now.

- Can you buzz me up. - No, because all my dad wanted

for me was for me to know that I could do better than you.

And you know what, he was right.

Hey, Adam?

You did fuck this up.

Hank?

Hank. Hank!

Hank! Hank.

Adam?

Adam. Adam!

Hey.

What are you doing?

Just wait... just wait one second.

Hank.

Hank. Hank!

Oh, fuck.

Ah, fuck!

Gina.

Gina.

Just hear me out. I am glad I didn't die.

But I don't think I'm happy to be alive.

I think there's a difference.

I... I... I don't know why I am the way that I am. I just, I am.

But I am curious in a way that's new for me.

You know?

And I think that's because I've been s... solo.

This is your place.

That's your place, that's your apartment.

You shouldn't have to go back to that house.

You live here. Take it. I'm gonna...

Hank!

Oh! Hey.

Do you want a car?

The chickens didn't seem to mind

the reek of cigarettes in my dad's car.

Maybe they've got it figured out.

Hey, man. Just put that wherever.

Hey. Thank you.

Just let life unfold.

Real things, they happen all the time.

Make sure that you look.

Sometimes you can get distracted.

That's okay. Just begin again.

Yeah. thanks.

Hey.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Here. I took it off two days ago.

- This was a mistake. - I know.

I knew it.

Divorce, annulment.

I think we can dissolve it completely online.

Really?

I did this to us.

I... I knew that I would...

- I love who you are. - I love who you are too.

Frozen chicken?

Grass-fed, free-range chicken.

I'm into it.

I could make one for you some time.

Really?

Okay.

Okay!

Trick or treat.

This really isn't very good.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull