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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,633 --> 00:00:14,434 # How will you make it on your own # 2 00:00:16,774 --> 00:00:19,937 # This world is awfully big # 3 00:00:20,010 --> 00:00:23,173 # And, girl this time you're all alone # 4 00:00:23,247 --> 00:00:27,445 # But it's time you started living # 5 00:00:27,518 --> 00:00:30,749 # It's time you let someone else do some giving # 6 00:00:30,821 --> 00:00:32,482 # Love is all around # 7 00:00:32,556 --> 00:00:34,751 # No need to waste it # 8 00:00:34,825 --> 00:00:38,761 # You can have the town Why don't you take it # 9 00:00:38,829 --> 00:00:41,263 # You might just make it # 10 00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:44,267 # After all # 11 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:51,969 # You might just make it after all ## 12 00:01:06,624 --> 00:01:10,321 Tomorrow the weather will be clear. 13 00:01:10,394 --> 00:01:13,363 And now, to top off this edition of the 6:00 News. 14 00:01:13,431 --> 00:01:15,365 My story. 15 00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:19,369 A lady in Philadelphia lost her dog. She went to the pound and found it. 16 00:01:19,437 --> 00:01:23,134 Once she got home, she found she had the wrong dog. 17 00:01:23,207 --> 00:01:26,142 The woman, who didn't know one dog from another, was... 18 00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:28,144 a vegetarian. 19 00:01:28,212 --> 00:01:30,646 Veterinarian! 20 00:01:32,716 --> 00:01:36,311 That's probably somebody calling to ask us to explain what Ted just said. 21 00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:38,981 Newsroom. Oh, hi, Rhoda. 22 00:01:39,056 --> 00:01:41,490 I'm sorry I'm late. I got hung up here. 23 00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:44,494 Did you think of a movie for us to see? 24 00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:48,259 No, don't pick me up. I wanna come home first. I'll try to think of a movie. 25 00:01:48,332 --> 00:01:51,267 - Bye-bye. - Go see the new John Wayne picture. 26 00:01:51,335 --> 00:01:54,065 - Is it good? - They're all good. I never miss a one. 27 00:01:54,138 --> 00:01:57,574 Why's that, Lou? Do you identify with John Wayne? 28 00:01:58,909 --> 00:02:01,104 That's it. 29 00:02:01,178 --> 00:02:03,203 Wayne gets teed off at somebody, 30 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,215 he hits him or shoots him. 31 00:02:06,283 --> 00:02:10,219 I get teed off at somebody, all I can do is write a memo. 32 00:02:10,287 --> 00:02:12,448 Like this one! 33 00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:14,684 But, Lou... 34 00:02:16,193 --> 00:02:19,128 You wanna see a good movie? See Son of Flubber. 35 00:02:19,196 --> 00:02:21,528 You can't go wrong with a Disney movie. 36 00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:24,534 - Know what my favorite Disney movie is? - Snow White? 37 00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:27,901 Right! Hey, who can name all seven dwarfs? I can. 38 00:02:27,972 --> 00:02:29,906 Lou, how about you? Murr? 39 00:02:29,974 --> 00:02:33,102 - Lou, you wanna grab a hamburger? - No. 40 00:02:33,177 --> 00:02:36,340 I don't eat meat. I'm a veterinarian. 41 00:02:47,057 --> 00:02:48,991 Rhoda! What are you doing here? 42 00:02:49,059 --> 00:02:51,994 I got tired of waiting up in my place, so I came down here. 43 00:02:52,062 --> 00:02:55,657 Listen, I'm sorry I'm late. What's the matter with your leg? 44 00:02:55,733 --> 00:02:58,463 This is the lotus position, a yoga exercise. 45 00:02:58,536 --> 00:03:01,403 It helps a person achieve an inner peace. 46 00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:04,407 It'll just take me a minute to change. 47 00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:08,104 Rhoda, aren't both legs supposed to be up when you're in the lotus position? 48 00:03:08,178 --> 00:03:10,408 Only fanatics use both legs. 49 00:03:18,455 --> 00:03:21,390 - Hey, can you get that? - Huh? Oh, sure. 50 00:03:31,368 --> 00:03:33,302 Hey, Mary, I can't, hon! 51 00:03:33,370 --> 00:03:35,304 Aah! 52 00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:39,032 Hello? 53 00:03:39,109 --> 00:03:40,770 Phyllis, hang on a second. 54 00:03:42,313 --> 00:03:45,146 Fanatic. 55 00:03:45,215 --> 00:03:47,149 Yeah, Phyllis? 56 00:03:47,217 --> 00:03:50,653 Well, I tell you, I was just about to go out to a... 57 00:03:50,721 --> 00:03:52,712 Well, all right, I'll wait. Bye. 58 00:03:52,790 --> 00:03:55,281 I knew I should've met you at work. 59 00:03:55,359 --> 00:03:58,294 Don't tell her we're going to the movies or she'll want to come along. 60 00:03:58,362 --> 00:04:01,456 - And you'll let her. - She sounded kind of frantic. 61 00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,330 Sure. She's frantic we might go to a movie without her. 62 00:04:04,401 --> 00:04:06,335 Oh... 63 00:04:08,806 --> 00:04:10,740 - Hi, Phyllis. - Something's come up. 64 00:04:10,808 --> 00:04:13,743 I wondered if you could take care of Bess for a few days. 65 00:04:13,811 --> 00:04:15,745 - Oh? What is it? - It's Lars, Mary. 66 00:04:15,813 --> 00:04:18,407 He's contracted a case of varicella from one of his patients. 67 00:04:18,482 --> 00:04:20,416 Varicella? What's that? 68 00:04:20,484 --> 00:04:23,419 Lars is in the incubation period, and I'm immune, so... 69 00:04:23,487 --> 00:04:25,421 Chicken pox! 70 00:04:25,489 --> 00:04:27,923 That's what that quack's got! Chicken pox! 71 00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:34,664 I really wouldn't ask you if it weren't an emergency, Mary. 72 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:38,168 You said varicella, but it's plain old, mundane chicken pox. 73 00:04:38,235 --> 00:04:40,169 - Rhoda, would you please... - A kid's disease! 74 00:04:40,237 --> 00:04:43,172 Rhoda, please! Phyllis, don't misunderstand this. 75 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:47,574 Are you sure that Bess wants to stay with me? She's not crazy about me. 76 00:04:47,645 --> 00:04:51,741 Mary, it's time Bess found out that life is no bed of roses. 77 00:04:54,318 --> 00:04:57,253 Milk, butter, jelly... 78 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,494 - Hi. - Bess'll be up in a second. 79 00:05:05,562 --> 00:05:07,496 These are the books. 80 00:05:07,564 --> 00:05:10,499 - The books? - Yeah, on creative child-rearing. 81 00:05:10,567 --> 00:05:14,503 I know some people find it amusing that I insist on raising Bess from these, 82 00:05:14,571 --> 00:05:18,007 but the men and women who wrote them are experts, 83 00:05:18,075 --> 00:05:21,476 and the people who laugh aren't. 84 00:05:21,545 --> 00:05:24,537 Besides, Bess thinks these books show a lot of insight. 85 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,549 Bess has read these? 86 00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:29,552 - Yes. Why? Does that surprise you? - Well, yeah. 87 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:31,554 - She's just a little girl. - Wrong. 88 00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:34,887 "She's just a little girl"? Uh, chapter six. 89 00:05:34,958 --> 00:05:38,394 "The adult who says of a child 'She's just a little girl'... 90 00:05:38,462 --> 00:05:40,396 is clearly showing her ignorance." 91 00:05:42,466 --> 00:05:44,400 Well, what do I know? 92 00:05:44,468 --> 00:05:48,495 She's going to be here in a second, so I ought to prepare you for something. 93 00:05:48,572 --> 00:05:52,008 - Oh? What? - Something she does when she's angry. 94 00:05:52,076 --> 00:05:55,011 - I ignore it. I wish you would too. - W- What? 95 00:05:55,079 --> 00:05:57,013 Mother's coming, Bess. 96 00:05:57,081 --> 00:06:01,142 No, Mother is not coming until Mary finds out what it is that Bess does. 97 00:06:01,218 --> 00:06:03,812 She wears my wig and makeup. 98 00:06:09,727 --> 00:06:13,128 Mary will be doing the very best she can, Bess. 99 00:06:13,197 --> 00:06:15,757 We can't expect too much of her. 100 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:19,098 Remember, Mother and Father love their Bess. 101 00:06:19,169 --> 00:06:20,932 And Mary... likes her. 102 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,414 Well, here we are. 103 00:06:32,616 --> 00:06:34,550 Uh, have you had dinner? 104 00:06:34,618 --> 00:06:36,552 Yes. Phyllis burned it. 105 00:06:36,620 --> 00:06:38,554 Oh, I'm sorry. 106 00:06:38,622 --> 00:06:40,556 - Why? You didn't burn it. - Well, no. 107 00:06:40,624 --> 00:06:45,288 It's just when you try something and it doesn't turn out, it's disappointing. 108 00:06:45,362 --> 00:06:47,796 Well, it doesn't bother Phyllis. 109 00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:50,800 Do you always call your mother Phyllis? 110 00:06:51,969 --> 00:06:53,903 It's her name. 111 00:06:53,971 --> 00:06:56,906 Yeah, I know, but when I was a little girl... 112 00:06:56,974 --> 00:06:58,908 w- when I was a young person, 113 00:06:58,976 --> 00:07:02,309 I, uh, I always called my mother Mother. I still do. 114 00:07:02,379 --> 00:07:05,314 I mean, I never even think of calling her... 115 00:07:05,382 --> 00:07:08,078 Marge! That's what it is. 116 00:07:08,152 --> 00:07:10,086 It's Marge. 117 00:07:13,957 --> 00:07:15,891 Did Phyllis show you these books? 118 00:07:15,959 --> 00:07:18,894 Uh, yeah. I haven't had a chance to really get into 'em yet. 119 00:07:18,962 --> 00:07:22,898 Well, I think you ought to. This isn't going particularly well so far. 120 00:07:25,469 --> 00:07:27,562 No. 121 00:07:27,638 --> 00:07:31,074 Uh, do you like having all that makeup on your face? 122 00:07:31,141 --> 00:07:35,009 - Yes. Do you? - I think it makes you look awful. 123 00:07:37,347 --> 00:07:39,281 Uh... 124 00:07:41,518 --> 00:07:43,452 Bess? 125 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:47,047 Uh, Bess, what are you... what are you doing? 126 00:07:47,124 --> 00:07:49,217 - Mary? - Aah! 127 00:07:51,261 --> 00:07:54,196 Bess forgot this. She likes her milk in it. 128 00:07:55,966 --> 00:07:57,900 How's everything going so far? 129 00:07:57,968 --> 00:08:00,903 Don't answer. I know everything's great. Where is she? 130 00:08:00,971 --> 00:08:04,134 - Well, uh, she's, uh... - Locked herself in the bathroom, huh? 131 00:08:04,208 --> 00:08:05,334 Well, yes. 132 00:08:05,409 --> 00:08:08,469 You said something without looking in the book first. 133 00:08:08,545 --> 00:08:10,809 - Well, yes. - What did you say? 134 00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:14,214 Uh, well, I told her I thought the makeup looked awful. 135 00:08:14,284 --> 00:08:18,220 - And now you're trying to get her out. - Yes. Could you help me? 136 00:08:18,288 --> 00:08:20,552 - Of course I'm going to help you. - Good. 137 00:08:20,624 --> 00:08:22,558 Here. Chapter eight. 138 00:08:22,626 --> 00:08:25,094 "Right of Privacy." 139 00:08:27,664 --> 00:08:29,598 Uh, Bess, 140 00:08:29,666 --> 00:08:32,100 "l-I respect your right of privacy. 141 00:08:32,169 --> 00:08:34,603 I don't mind your locking the door." 142 00:08:34,671 --> 00:08:37,765 Uh, r-really, l-I don't. 143 00:08:39,009 --> 00:08:40,943 And, um... 144 00:08:41,011 --> 00:08:43,946 "I am always eager to participate in a free and open discussion... 145 00:08:44,014 --> 00:08:46,949 of whatever it is that's bothering you." 146 00:08:47,017 --> 00:08:48,951 Really. 147 00:08:49,019 --> 00:08:50,611 Really, l-I am. 148 00:08:50,687 --> 00:08:54,589 You might have to burn your washcloth. It's got gunk all over it. 149 00:08:54,658 --> 00:08:58,094 I recognize those quotes. They're right from the books, aren't they? 150 00:08:58,161 --> 00:09:00,095 Uh, well, yeah, they are. 151 00:09:00,197 --> 00:09:02,222 Hey, what do you say we forget the books... 152 00:09:02,299 --> 00:09:04,426 and talk about what fun we can have tomorrow? 153 00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:07,436 How about that? I'm not working. You and I could go shopping. 154 00:09:07,504 --> 00:09:09,665 - What for? - Nothing. 155 00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:11,935 You don't have to buy anything when you shop. 156 00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:14,671 And that's kinda nice, because if you know you're not gonna buy anything, 157 00:09:14,745 --> 00:09:17,680 you don't have to wonder whether or not you can afford it. 158 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,335 What can I do for you now, Aunt Mary? 159 00:10:46,403 --> 00:10:48,837 - Why don't you go get the mail. - Okay. 160 00:10:48,905 --> 00:10:51,396 I'll get it! 161 00:10:52,576 --> 00:10:55,010 Hi, Aunt Rhoda! I'm going to get the mail. 162 00:10:55,078 --> 00:10:58,343 But if you haven't had breakfast yet, set a place for yourself. 163 00:10:59,750 --> 00:11:02,617 Who was that nice, short little person? 164 00:11:04,354 --> 00:11:06,288 That's my roomie. 165 00:11:06,356 --> 00:11:08,790 I can't believe it, Mary. What happened? 166 00:11:08,859 --> 00:11:12,295 You know something? She's really just a nice little... 167 00:11:12,362 --> 00:11:14,296 just a nice little girl. 168 00:11:14,364 --> 00:11:16,298 - How? - How what? 169 00:11:16,366 --> 00:11:18,891 - Did you do it? - I didn't do anything. 170 00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:20,903 Well, all right, maybe I did. 171 00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:24,065 Hey, Rhoda, have you ever wondered what kind of mother you'd be? 172 00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:27,633 I don't care, as long as it's not unwed. 173 00:11:29,780 --> 00:11:31,714 Well, I've always wondered. 174 00:11:31,782 --> 00:11:34,012 And you know what? 175 00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:38,145 I think I'm gonna be fantastic! 176 00:11:38,221 --> 00:11:40,485 - Don't you think? - I think you threatened her life. 177 00:11:40,557 --> 00:11:42,491 - Oh... - Morning, all! 178 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:44,493 - Hi. - Everything is beautiful. 179 00:11:44,561 --> 00:11:47,655 Guess what. Lars was in error when he thought he had varicella. 180 00:11:47,731 --> 00:11:49,665 Chicken pox! 181 00:11:49,733 --> 00:11:52,668 All he has is Rhus diversiloba. 182 00:11:52,736 --> 00:11:55,933 - Translation, please. - Poison oak. 183 00:11:57,574 --> 00:11:59,007 Hi, Phyllis! 184 00:11:59,076 --> 00:12:01,135 Get your things, dear. Mother's here to take you home. 185 00:12:01,211 --> 00:12:03,941 I don't want to go home. 186 00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:06,175 - What? - I don't want to go home. 187 00:12:08,051 --> 00:12:09,985 Ohh! 188 00:12:10,053 --> 00:12:12,487 She doesn't mean that. As soon as you get her home... 189 00:12:12,556 --> 00:12:15,491 Oh, no, no, no, I wouldn't force her, Mary. 190 00:12:18,728 --> 00:12:20,662 We encourage her independence. 191 00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:23,028 If this is where she wants to be... 192 00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:26,035 This is where you want to be, is it, Bess? 193 00:12:26,103 --> 00:12:29,038 - Uh, but, Phyllis... - No, no, Mary, you don't understand. 194 00:12:29,106 --> 00:12:33,702 If Bess wants this... This is what you want, Bess? 195 00:12:33,777 --> 00:12:36,644 Well, it's obviously her wish to stay here. 196 00:12:36,713 --> 00:12:39,739 Is it your wish, Bess? 197 00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:44,813 Then... this is where she'll stay. 198 00:13:00,639 --> 00:13:02,834 Oh, hi, Mary. Come in, love. 199 00:13:02,908 --> 00:13:06,002 Uh, Phyllis, listen, I just feel awful about this. 200 00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:08,012 About what? 201 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,014 Well, about what Bess said. 202 00:13:10,082 --> 00:13:13,483 I mean, I think she meant she just wanted to stay with me for breakfast. 203 00:13:13,552 --> 00:13:16,851 Oh, no. She meant she wanted to stay with you forever. 204 00:13:16,922 --> 00:13:19,618 No, Phyllis, I'm sure she didn't. 205 00:13:19,691 --> 00:13:23,787 Oh, but she did, love. You're gay and young and unencumbered. 206 00:13:23,862 --> 00:13:28,822 Not like me, the old drudge who cooks her meals, mends her tattered clothes. 207 00:13:28,901 --> 00:13:31,631 - Of course she wants to stay with you. - No, she doesn't! 208 00:13:31,703 --> 00:13:35,139 But she does, dear. For now. 209 00:13:35,207 --> 00:13:38,768 Maybe in a week or two she'll become bored. Not with you, of course. 210 00:13:38,844 --> 00:13:40,778 Maybe less than a week. 211 00:13:40,846 --> 00:13:43,974 Honestly, Phyllis, I don't know how you can be so calm about this. 212 00:13:44,049 --> 00:13:45,983 I mean, if my daughter... 213 00:13:46,051 --> 00:13:49,077 Should you ever be so fortunate... 214 00:13:49,154 --> 00:13:51,452 as to become a wife... 215 00:13:51,523 --> 00:13:54,117 and then mother a child like my Bess. 216 00:13:54,193 --> 00:13:57,128 - Trust me, Mary. - Well, okay. 217 00:13:57,196 --> 00:13:59,357 l... But, boy, Phyllis, I really... 218 00:13:59,431 --> 00:14:01,296 Trust me. 219 00:14:02,401 --> 00:14:04,335 All right, all right. 220 00:14:04,403 --> 00:14:06,496 Oh, uh, Phyllis, l... 221 00:14:06,572 --> 00:14:08,506 I hate to ask this. 222 00:14:08,574 --> 00:14:11,907 - I've never had to ask the question. - Ask anything. 223 00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:14,411 Uh, Phyllis, I've got a date tonight. 224 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,971 Could you baby-sit? 225 00:14:19,585 --> 00:14:24,019 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Ted Baxter with the 6:00 News. 226 00:14:24,287 --> 00:14:25,523 So far, so good. 227 00:14:25,591 --> 00:14:29,322 It was disclosed today that Deputy Defense Minister 'Nay-guy-en' Banwat..." 228 00:14:29,394 --> 00:14:31,328 - Nguyen Banwat. - Nguyen Banwat. 229 00:14:31,396 --> 00:14:34,832 - " Met last week with 'Lanole'... - Lon Nol! 230 00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:38,836 at a top secret enclave near Phno... Phnom Penh." 231 00:14:38,904 --> 00:14:42,533 Whatever happened to the good old days when they had wars in England? 232 00:14:42,608 --> 00:14:46,169 You'd find a way to mispronounce "London". 233 00:14:47,513 --> 00:14:49,606 Mr. Grant asked me to remind you... 234 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:53,117 it's Richard Milhouse Nixon, not "Milhorse". 235 00:14:58,590 --> 00:15:01,024 - Hi! - Bess, hi. What are you doing here? 236 00:15:01,093 --> 00:15:03,960 I thought I'd meet you and go home with you. 237 00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:08,329 Well, okay, but it's very busy, so you just sit over here and stay put, huh? 238 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,425 - Uh, Ted, this is Bess. - Hi, Bess. 239 00:15:10,502 --> 00:15:12,402 Hi. You're the anchorman, aren't you? 240 00:15:13,472 --> 00:15:15,201 Nice child. 241 00:15:15,274 --> 00:15:18,209 Mary, we've got film on the Florida bank robbery. 242 00:15:18,277 --> 00:15:20,541 Put another lead on an idiot card for Ted. 243 00:15:20,612 --> 00:15:22,546 They're cue cards, Lou. 244 00:15:25,350 --> 00:15:29,286 I don't know why everyone feels compelled to call cue cards idiot cards. 245 00:15:29,354 --> 00:15:32,790 We just have trouble thinking of you as a cue. 246 00:15:34,226 --> 00:15:36,160 Mary! Mar... 247 00:15:39,498 --> 00:15:41,830 - Have I got an appointment with you? - Uh-uh. 248 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,834 - Then what are you doing there? - I'm waiting. 249 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,927 We're all waitin', kid. 250 00:15:48,173 --> 00:15:50,607 Did you forget that lead on the diet pills? 251 00:15:50,676 --> 00:15:52,109 Yeah, I got it. 252 00:15:52,177 --> 00:15:55,112 I have an idea for you while you're waiting. Draw a picture. 253 00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:58,240 - I can't draw anything but flowers. - Well, then draw flowers. 254 00:15:58,317 --> 00:16:02,117 I'm so tired of drawing flowers. I've been drawing them since I was four. 255 00:16:02,187 --> 00:16:05,122 Ah, well, then look. A horse is easy. 256 00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:12,029 Say, Mary, that's a nice horsie. 257 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:14,031 Thank you, Ted. 258 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:16,192 Mary, where are the idiot cards? 259 00:16:16,268 --> 00:16:18,862 Cue cards, Lou, please. Cue cards. 260 00:16:18,937 --> 00:16:20,871 Excuse me, Ted. 261 00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:24,375 Mary, would you please give those cue cards to this idiot? 262 00:16:26,712 --> 00:16:29,146 - What's that? - A horsie! 263 00:16:29,214 --> 00:16:32,149 That's nice. That's nice, Teddy. 264 00:16:33,919 --> 00:16:35,853 - Hi. - Hi. 265 00:16:35,921 --> 00:16:37,855 I'm waiting for Mary. 266 00:16:37,923 --> 00:16:39,982 - You want something to do? - Uh-huh. 267 00:16:40,058 --> 00:16:41,992 Do you like to recite in school? 268 00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:44,722 - Yeah. - Okay, repeat after me. 269 00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:47,162 - Nguyen Banwat. - Nguyen Banwat. 270 00:16:47,232 --> 00:16:49,166 - Phnom Penh. - Phnom Penh. 271 00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:52,533 - Richard Milhouse Nixon. - Richard Milhouse Nixon. 272 00:16:52,604 --> 00:16:55,630 Good. How'd you like to be the anchorkid? 273 00:16:57,709 --> 00:16:59,540 But for now, make some notes... 274 00:16:59,611 --> 00:17:01,476 about the newsroom and write a composition for school. 275 00:17:01,546 --> 00:17:03,480 - Okay. - Good girl. 276 00:17:03,548 --> 00:17:06,847 Murray, see if you can do this in five lines or less. 277 00:17:06,918 --> 00:17:08,852 - What's your name, please? - Lou. 278 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,184 - What do you do here? - I'm the boss. 279 00:17:11,256 --> 00:17:13,190 Thank you. 280 00:17:13,258 --> 00:17:15,192 Mary! 281 00:17:16,895 --> 00:17:18,829 - How's it going? - Fine. 282 00:17:20,899 --> 00:17:23,367 - Yes, sir? - Who's the kid? 283 00:17:23,435 --> 00:17:27,929 - Well, that's kind of a long story. - How can it be a long story? 284 00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:31,442 I say, "Who's the kid?" You say, "SallyJones." Who's the kid? 285 00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:34,308 - Bess. - That wasn't too long. 286 00:17:34,379 --> 00:17:37,314 She's the daughter of my downstairs neighbors. 287 00:17:37,382 --> 00:17:39,680 But now she's staying with me and, uh... 288 00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:41,685 You may not have noticed, 289 00:17:41,753 --> 00:17:44,415 but I never cuss when there are kids in the newsroom. 290 00:17:44,489 --> 00:17:48,619 Yes, I noticed. I want you to know I appreciate your watching your language. 291 00:17:48,694 --> 00:17:51,629 I don't like to watch my language. 292 00:17:54,466 --> 00:17:58,732 I don't like having kids in the newsroom. 293 00:17:58,804 --> 00:18:02,797 I mean, I'd like to cuss right now... 294 00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:05,308 because that kid's out there. 295 00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:09,313 But I can't cuss because that kid's out there. 296 00:18:10,449 --> 00:18:12,383 Do I make myself clear? 297 00:18:12,451 --> 00:18:15,113 I think so. You'd like to cuss. Is that it? 298 00:18:15,187 --> 00:18:18,247 Yes! Very much. 299 00:18:19,491 --> 00:18:22,119 Oh, well, then, uh, I'll get her out of there. 300 00:18:22,194 --> 00:18:25,129 Good! I feel a cuss coming on. 301 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,293 This is too good to waste. 302 00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:34,334 Send Ted Baxter in here. 303 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:44,348 Boy, I really like where you work, Mary. It sure is a lot of fun. 304 00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:46,350 What do we do tonight? 305 00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:50,514 Well, uh, we could talk about what we're gonna have for dinner. 306 00:18:50,589 --> 00:18:52,523 What about TV dinners? 307 00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:55,651 - We don't have any. - But I could go out and get some. 308 00:18:55,727 --> 00:18:59,857 That'll give you some time to figure out whatever's got you so... uptight. 309 00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:02,593 - That's a good idea. - Okay. 310 00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:04,601 - I'll walk slow. - Okay. 311 00:19:04,669 --> 00:19:06,762 - And charge it to my account. - Okay. 312 00:19:07,873 --> 00:19:09,807 - Hi, Aunt Rhoda. - Hi, kid. 313 00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:13,140 Hey, Mary, I know you still have this thing to straighten out with Phyllis, 314 00:19:13,211 --> 00:19:15,145 but I've got a problem. 315 00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:17,147 It's sort of pressing. 316 00:19:17,215 --> 00:19:20,150 I need $40 to pay a fine or I'll get arrested. 317 00:19:20,218 --> 00:19:23,483 - A traffic fine? - No. I fed a buffalo. 318 00:19:23,555 --> 00:19:25,989 Yeah, sure you did, Rhoda. 319 00:19:26,057 --> 00:19:29,493 Really! I went to the zoo on my lunch hour. 320 00:19:29,561 --> 00:19:32,997 Anyway, you know I've always been a sucker for buffaloes. 321 00:19:33,064 --> 00:19:36,192 You know those signs that say, "Don't feed the buffalo"? 322 00:19:36,268 --> 00:19:40,534 I fed the buffalo. They really fine you for that, if they catch you. 323 00:19:40,605 --> 00:19:44,234 - Rhoda, what did you feed him? - Low-fat prune yogurt. 324 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,243 You know something, Mary? 325 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:49,246 That buffalo's gonna have some nice figure. 326 00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:52,010 - Can you spare the 40? - Yeah, I think I can. 327 00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:55,314 - What's happening with dizzy Phyllis? - Nothing. 328 00:19:55,387 --> 00:19:59,289 She's still trying to act as though nothing was wrong. 329 00:19:59,357 --> 00:20:02,292 And I just don't know how to get through to her. 330 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:04,794 - I'm gonna have to, though, aren't I? - Yeah. 331 00:20:04,863 --> 00:20:08,299 It's either that or start saving up to put the kid through college. 332 00:20:08,366 --> 00:20:11,927 - In addition to paying for my buffalo. - Yes. I'll write you a check. 333 00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:15,234 I couldn't look at you, knowing how you feel, and take money from you. 334 00:20:16,374 --> 00:20:18,808 I'll pick it up later. 335 00:20:23,849 --> 00:20:26,317 I brought Bess a little cabbage soup. 336 00:20:26,384 --> 00:20:29,319 No offense. I know you're a wonderful cook and you're feeding her well. 337 00:20:29,387 --> 00:20:32,550 - Where is she? - Uh, she's out buying TV dinners. 338 00:20:32,624 --> 00:20:36,924 Oh. Well, I just dropped by to see what time you wanted me to baby-sit tonight. 339 00:20:37,996 --> 00:20:40,191 Phyllis, sit down, will you. 340 00:20:40,265 --> 00:20:43,826 I was, uh, just calling you to tell you that, uh, 341 00:20:43,902 --> 00:20:46,837 I think everything is kinda crazy around here, 342 00:20:46,905 --> 00:20:49,703 and it's gonna get even crazier if you don't do something. 343 00:20:49,774 --> 00:20:53,710 - What's your problem, Mary? - It's not my problem, Phyllis. 344 00:20:53,778 --> 00:20:55,769 It's yours. Bess. 345 00:20:55,847 --> 00:20:59,374 We've been all over that. It's just a phase Bess is in. 346 00:20:59,451 --> 00:21:03,911 I think Bess would want to come home if you'd just show her you miss her. 347 00:21:03,989 --> 00:21:08,426 Why don't you come right out and say it? You think I'm a lousy mother. 348 00:21:08,493 --> 00:21:10,427 No, I don't, Phyllis. 349 00:21:10,495 --> 00:21:12,929 I'll tell you exactly what I think. 350 00:21:12,998 --> 00:21:15,262 I think... l... 351 00:21:15,333 --> 00:21:17,267 What are you trying to say? 352 00:21:17,335 --> 00:21:20,270 I'm trying to think of a nice way to say... 353 00:21:20,338 --> 00:21:23,136 that I... think you're a lousy mother. 354 00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:30,146 Well, Miss Daughter-Snatcher, 355 00:21:32,517 --> 00:21:35,452 let me tell you something. 356 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,454 I have read all the books... 357 00:21:37,522 --> 00:21:39,319 and I feel that l-I'm... 358 00:21:39,391 --> 00:21:41,325 What are you doing wearing my love beads? 359 00:21:41,393 --> 00:21:43,623 Bess made these for me. 360 00:21:43,695 --> 00:21:45,629 Can you beat that? 361 00:21:45,697 --> 00:21:48,632 She's made you the same beads she made for me. 362 00:21:48,700 --> 00:21:51,533 She loves you. She wants you to be her mother. 363 00:21:51,603 --> 00:21:53,264 Oh, Phyllis... 364 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,174 - W- What is it? - Bess. 365 00:21:57,242 --> 00:21:59,176 She saw me crying. 366 00:21:59,244 --> 00:22:02,111 - She'll hate me for being weak. - Hate you? 367 00:22:03,181 --> 00:22:05,115 Oh, Phyllis, listen. 368 00:22:05,183 --> 00:22:08,949 Look, you and I have been good friends for a long time, right? 369 00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:11,454 Well, not so good as you think. 370 00:22:11,523 --> 00:22:16,483 I mean, it's because you come on so darn strong all the time. 371 00:22:16,561 --> 00:22:20,088 Well, I like you so much better when you come on weak. 372 00:22:20,165 --> 00:22:23,862 And if I feel this way, imagine how Bess felt when she saw you just now. 373 00:22:25,937 --> 00:22:28,872 Well, why imagine? I'm gonna go get her. 374 00:22:28,940 --> 00:22:30,874 - Mary? - Yeah? 375 00:22:30,942 --> 00:22:32,876 Should I keep crying? 376 00:22:34,913 --> 00:22:37,473 It wouldn't hurt. 377 00:22:42,954 --> 00:22:45,889 Phyllis, do you know where Mary left a check for me? 378 00:22:45,957 --> 00:22:48,391 I got fined for feeding a buffalo. 379 00:22:50,228 --> 00:22:54,494 Oh, well, look, there's no need to get that upset. It's all taken care of. 380 00:22:56,334 --> 00:23:00,361 You're an incredibly sympathetic person! Do you know that? 381 00:23:01,573 --> 00:23:03,507 My goodness. 382 00:23:03,575 --> 00:23:06,510 I'd better get outta here. I think I'm depressing you. 383 00:23:06,578 --> 00:23:10,844 If the zoo was half as sympathetic as you are, I wouldn't need the 40 bucks. 384 00:23:10,915 --> 00:23:14,009 Mary, whatever you do, don't mention the buffalo. 385 00:23:17,288 --> 00:23:19,722 Phyllis, Bess went home. 386 00:23:19,791 --> 00:23:21,759 - Home? - Home. 387 00:23:21,826 --> 00:23:24,624 I just talked to her. You know what she said? 388 00:23:24,696 --> 00:23:30,566 Well, it was just so touching. She looked up at me and she said, "Uh-huh." 389 00:23:30,635 --> 00:23:33,126 She said, "Uh-huh"? 390 00:23:34,539 --> 00:23:37,064 I don't know what that means, Mary. 391 00:23:37,142 --> 00:23:39,076 Well, you had to be there. 392 00:23:39,144 --> 00:23:42,079 She said "Uh-huh" after I said, 393 00:23:42,147 --> 00:23:45,742 "Bess, are you here because you know your mother needs you?" 394 00:23:45,817 --> 00:23:48,752 And she said, "Uh-huh"? 395 00:23:48,820 --> 00:23:50,913 Uh-huh! 396 00:23:51,990 --> 00:23:53,924 Oh, Mary, 397 00:23:53,992 --> 00:23:56,426 this isn't much, but thank you. 398 00:23:58,797 --> 00:24:01,163 You're gonna make a wonderful mother. 399 00:24:01,232 --> 00:24:03,166 I know. 400 00:24:06,905 --> 00:24:08,839 Oh. 401 00:24:08,907 --> 00:24:10,841 Oh, isn't this silence lovely? 402 00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:15,346 Mary, I love movies, but not the kiddie show at 10:00 a.m. on a Saturday. 403 00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:18,849 Yeah, but Bess wanted to treat us, so how could we refuse? 404 00:24:18,917 --> 00:24:22,353 Anyway, it was so nice seeing Phyllis and Bess laughing together. 405 00:24:22,420 --> 00:24:25,856 I see what you're getting at. Phyllis and Bess laughing together. 406 00:24:25,924 --> 00:24:29,360 The world has a nice, big, pink Mary Richards bow around it. Is that it? 407 00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:32,021 Well, yeah. Something like that. 408 00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:36,033 Let me tell you something. That Phyllis is still a crazy lady. She's wacko. 409 00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:38,934 She's taking that kid to the movies again tonight. 410 00:24:39,003 --> 00:24:40,436 So? That's great. 411 00:24:40,505 --> 00:24:43,201 They're going to see Myra Breckinridge. 412 00:24:43,274 --> 00:24:45,265 Ohh! 413 00:24:45,343 --> 00:24:48,278 I'm kidding. Anybody would know I'm kidding. 414 00:24:48,346 --> 00:24:50,280 But not you. You believe everything. 415 00:24:50,348 --> 00:24:53,283 Mary, you're the most gullible person I ever met. 416 00:24:53,351 --> 00:24:55,285 They don't call you Rhoda the kidder for nothing. 417 00:24:55,353 --> 00:24:56,786 You are gullible. 418 00:24:56,855 --> 00:24:59,790 - I am not. I was kidding you. - You were not. 33173

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