Original subtitles

HEADS OR TRAILS

Soap?

Great shape, huh?

Did we hear about the concert hall yet?

We did.

It was our last chance.

Pierre... we're not done yet.

As you can see, it's handmade.

Herpes' signature, very discreet.

Pure calf. The Rolls Royce of saddles.

Do I gift wrap it?

Please.

You put $2,000 down.

You still owe $2,500.

Is the horse included?

Taste for luxury can become a sickness.

Mr. Sam son?

Give me the phone.

Maybe it's the magnetic fields.

Mr. Therrien,

Dominique Samson.

Visa has refused my purchase.

Listen, business is picking up.

It's a gift for someone who got us a contract.

The accountant will do a transfer.

Thank you, Mr. Therrien.

A misunderstanding.

Newfoundland wants to legalize same sex marriages.

What do you think?

I guess it's cod out, gays in. It's a good idea.

Thank you. Mr. Dugay?

Mr. Sam son!

I'm repossessing it.

What?

You need a court order.

Is this enough?

If you have anything in the trunk...

Hey! Give me a hand, here!

Dammit! Our marina!

Where are you going with our models?

There! They go together!

Be careful, it's an old DS you've got there!

I won't have time to wrap that!

They're taking everything!

Don't cry. It's just furniture.

Take it easy! Relax!

- Hey! Stop it! - Right now!

Hold it! I have a repossession order for Census and Senseless!

- Samson and Chances! - Samson and Sanchez!

- Yes! Census and Senseless! - Sanchez!

- Mr. Chanceless! - Sanchez...

You can say you've been pretty chanceless.

It's our trophy. That's personal!

From the Pan-Am Games.

- It's gold? - Gold dripped...

Er... dipped.

Well...

That's a hell of a dip!

Look what I found... real cheap.

Ming dynasty... early 5th century.

You go to meet the lawyers

and you come back with Chinese curious?

But I did meet with the lawyers.

And?

We pay about $100,000 interest a year

and they'll wait for the capital.

Let's declare bankruptcy.

No, bankrupt means no more credit, lost reputations...

Maude is insecure enough... The wife of a bankrupt!

She'll just die.

Trust me. We'll pay it all back.

I can go back to teaching stage design.

But it's not enough to pay our debts.

There's your house...

Even the doormat is mortgaged!

Happy birthday, Corinne!

Daddy, when I'm seven, will I get the horse?

An appaloosa with nice spots...

...on its rump.

With a braided mane?

Yes.

Look, mommy, my "papaloosa"!

Time for bed!

Let's go to bed...

"Papaloosa" is happy to return to the stable.

The cleaning lady lifted a splinter.

It's been there for a year.

I told her you don't dust this as if it were cheap.

A saddle from Herpes, you're mad!

It'll last her two years...

Then we give it to UNICEF for the poor?

Maude, we can't tie a folding chair

onto the back of her horse!

We're closing.

You're bankrupt?

No, no, my little popotamus,

it's just till business picks up again.

That way, we save on rent...

...on the telephone.

What are you going to do?

Maude...

An architect with my experience...

I'm not worried.

Café au lait, croissant.

I'm back teaching at theater school.

- What about you? - Nothing.

- Really? - Really.

Did you call Labarre?

We got him the museum deal.

Know what his offer was'?

A draughtsman, $30,000 a year.

Our secretary got paid better.

- Hello! - Hello!

Speaking...

Good...

Okay... thank you.

The city planning department.

Nothing.

It's just not going to happen tomorrow.

I have something for you...

in architecture, if you please.

Wanted: architect with experience...

Excellent salary... Intelligent...

...and cultured.

It's you.

Pierre...

In Drummondville.

Drummondville is the heartland!

The Folklore Festival in the summer...

The Ice Festival in winter...

The Barbecue Festival in the fall!

It's not that far, you can commute.

Interviews finish at 4:00. Too late.

You can make it. Have a look.

Drummondville!

I know.

I'd go with you but I have another appointment.

Don't drive too fast, don't get too earned away.

I got it.

Had I known, I would've taken the omelet.

Thanks.

It's still under construction?

No. It's the style... deconstructionist.

Deconst... deconst...

You didn't go to Drummondville.

On foot?

No.

$9,000 in parking tickets.

I let you manage the office with my eyes closed.

Thank God.

Had I not taken risks, we couldn't have done anything.

We wouldn't be bankrupt.

Hey, ever heard of this century's

biggest property market crash?

Should I draw you a picture?

You can draw? That's new!

Bugger off! I sell! You draw!

That was our understanding, our strength.

I couldn't help it. Sorry.

You want my car?

I can walk to school.

That's what...

...I came to ask you.

What?

Do you like it?

I can smell the holidays already.

Holidays?

Dominique! Mexico!

The trip with the group from the hospital!

I forgot all about it.

Aztec ruins, Maya temples,

everything you love.

You've got your mind on other things, huh?

I think I should stay here.

With all these job propositions I've been getting...

the small office debts, the bank, I...

BALANCE

- Maude, my little popotamus. - It can't be!

You're not $41,000 in the red?

Hey, you scared me!

I thought you were having a stroke.

- $41,000! - That's peanuts!

- Really? - I swear.

What about the debts on the office?

- Like what? - I don't know...

A month's rent...

...maybe two.

Is that all?

A small internet bill.

Stamps!

You amaze me!

You inspire me!

I meant, I'm amazed that you don't fall apart

with such a large overdraft.

That's a man for you.

That reminds me...

The down payment for the trip...

we'll lose it.

Oh no!

No, all the arrangements are made.

Your mother will babysit.

It would be a shame for you to miss such a beautiful trip.

You're like fighting a wet noodle.

- I feel down. - Dominique...

- Maude left yesterday. - Thank God.

I ran out of excuses for the things that disappeared.

This isn't like you.

Pull yourself together!

What's this hold?

The Plug. It's to recharge you.

That's the Dominique I know.

- A chest of drawers? - Canadian, Louis 15th-style.

Worst time of day.

It's closing time in Europe and opening time in Japan.

Yes?

Axel! How are you?

How is the weather in Belgium?

Raining as usual!

What? $4.5 million for that pink nude by Picasso?

Axel, are you making fun of me?

It went for three and a half, last year at Druot's.

But I'm offering $150,000 more!

No. It's my last offer.

Think it over. Call me back.

Picasso made hundreds of reclining women.

His pink nude is botched.

But of course...

You're perfectly right.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Ah, Victor!

I'm with a client right now.

The two Krieghoffs?

Fantastic! How much?

Paul will be so happy!

Are we dining together tonight?

Oh well.

Fine... tomorrow then?

Love and kisses.

Are the Krieghoffs for Mr. Desmarais?

He owns quite a few already.

You know too much.

And I thought I could get your chest of drawers

for peanuts.

If I like it, of course.

You'll like it.

Then why would you want to sell it?

Small financial hitch.

- How much? - $50,000.

At that price, I really must see it.

You shouldn't have parked there!

But we can't leave such a piece in the street.

Let's come to an agreement first.

No hidden faults?

Avery small splinter. Otherwise...

$40,000 and you can bring it in.

No, for 40 it goes back there.

Fifty, and it's yours.

Heavens!

You are formidable!

Thank you.

Incredible!

You had that copy of "Madame Bovary"?

With the well-known dedication: "To Madame Sand...

...homage from an unknown, Gustave Flaubert."

- I sold it right away. - To the Zafiropoulo collection.

I took a year's sabbatical in Europe after graduation.

That's a very nice shade.

It brings out the green in your eyes...

...your tie in matching tones, wonderful.

Say... Do you know much about antiques?

My mother's a collector.

I've been with the ancients all my life.

Of course!

Before I forget...

your chest of drawers.

Your menus, gentlemen.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

I was 11 when I found it.

I won't tell you how much I paid.

Pennies.

Ten dollars!

5,000 times its worth!

In what, 20 years?

You have a knack for it.

What a nice bond between us.

This chest of drawers.

You know...

I have this urge to make you a proposition.

Business proposition of course.

I need an assistant.

Really... A fight-hand man.

The salary would be around...

$150,000.

My assistant would be a partner...

And he would share in the profits, naturally.

I have faith.

You're sophisticated.

I am lucky to find someone as cultivated as you,

to give me a hand.

Moreover...

If I'm not mistaken...

You are one of the family, aren't you?

Of course.

Of course I...

Indeed I am.

Yes indeed.

Have you decided yet?

The grilled sirloin.

Very well, thank you.

The chicken with morels.

Simply put, I could kill for morels.

It's a dish for two!

I'm sorry.

I'll share it with you.

Poultry! I don't want to deprive you.

You look like a meat man.

I insist! The chicken for two.

And it's on me.

Let's really enjoy ourselves.

Choose a vintage worthy of our encounter.

I'm looking at you.

Curious to be called Samson

when one is as sensitive as you are...

...with the allure of a romantic.

What would you say to a Château Lay?

Really!

You anticipate my every wish.

This top dealer wants you as right-hand man.

What are you afraid of?

The uses of his "fight hand".

Solange, meet my anguished friend.

Yeah, yeah.

- A new one? - What can I say?

Still looking for the right one.

With that salary we'd be out of the hole in no time.

Pierre...

An antique dealer.

So?

I've nothing against gays...

...but what he wants

as a partner is also...

If your guy wanted a visible minority

it would be difficult.

But homosexual...

Dominique, nobody has FAG written on the forehead.

Make believe.

And with your looks...

Why are you so hesitant?

Give us a kiss, my little turtle dove.

Oh no!

You see, it works!

You're lucky. A boss like him...

I started with his brother.

Monsieur Etienne inherited the business.

Here are the keys.

Good morning.

I'm all sweaty.

You're right on time.

There is a large auction tomorrow

and you'll bid for me.

I can't get a good deal anymore.

Every time I find something interesting,

people think it's a treasure.

Do you exercise?

Greco-Roman wrestling.

Well, one could say...

...you do have a passion for ancient things.

Okay. I'll take a quick shower and I'll show you the routine.

For love is like a gypsy child

Who fives a fife that is as free as air.

h' you don't love me, H! love you...

...and h'! do, you'd best beware.

The last object in the Canadiana category.

A pair of boots

made by Baku, bronze...

The laces are 14-carat gold-plated.

Félix Leclerc was wearing them

when he recorded his famous...

"Me, My Shoes."

- $0,000. Do I hear $9,000? - 9.

14 on the phone.

17.

18...

Do I hear 19?

18 going once...

18 going twice... no regrets?

18 going three times... sold...

...to the pink lady.

Oil and gouache on paper appliquéd on canvas.

A work by Fortunato, titled "Candor".

Opening at $10,000.

Excuse me!

It's upside down.

How do you know that?

The signature.

Goodness gracious! Turn it around!

$10,000. Do I hear$11,000?

Thank you.

What do I hear for "Candor"?

13,14...

$15,000.16...

18 on the phone.

22! 22 going once...

22 going twice, going thrice!

Sold to Sherlock Holmes.

Berck's ship setting sail.

Oil on canvas by Eugene Boudin.

70 by 102 centimeters.

Dated 1885.

A beautiful Boudin, the highlight of this sale.

Opening at $100,000.

Five.

105.

155 on the phone.

160 for my Boudin?

Yes! 160.

Do I hear more? 165!

200.

- Going once, going twice... - Five.

205!

- Going once... -210.

Going once, going twice...

216! 215 going once...

Come on, can't you do better for my little Boudin?

215! Do I hear more? 215 going once...

220.

220! 220 going once... going twice...

25.

220 going three times!

Sold to the beautiful green eyes.

What about my 225!

Too late, madam. It's sold.

It's scandalous!

It's another one of those... dubious affairs.

We're back in five minutes.

No taste and a sore loser on top of that.

I felt you were a bit timid.

So I helped a little.

Are you interested in objets d'art

or only in paintings?

I love beautiful things.

I have beautiful things.

Mr. Corbeil!

There's a gentleman here, on behalf of Mr. Beauregard.

He's come to get the Rembrandt drawings.

Proust! Come on!

- He's a tiger. - No.

A guide dog. He's not mean.

He doesn't like certain people.

Down!

Are you kidding?

I wouldn't entrust just any firebrand

you send with my treasures.

No, Etienne. I don't believe you.

No need to see.

Even my Proust can smell it.

He's a strange bird.

Corbeil was our first true militant.

They're beautiful!

Here, he has twelve like those.

Yes, at a time when everybody

was still shaking in their closet

he would flaunt himself as gay.

Thanks to him, our peers got into television,

the power company...

...the Senate.

Heteros were everywhere.

We were treated like pariahs.

I'll reassure Corbeil.

How could he imagine

that I would let the fox into the hen house?

I must say, you don't put out flags.

Some may have doubts.

It's discreet.

It's a sign.

The hallmark is French...

...it's very old.

But you don't have anything of the...

Everybody knows where I lie.

If I were you...

I would also put...

a little spark in your clothes.

A little spark?

Oh! Goodness!

It's going to be quite a job.

We'll take care of you. Electra!

We must give him a new look.

This way, my little pet.

Switched on, relaxed. Know what I mean?

Open your legs, love.

You must be an artist.

Artists hang to the left.

Please?

It's too hot! It's too hot!

It's too hot! It's too hot!

For me!

My look is a handicap

As for my style, it ain't so great

I'm not in, I'm too serious

Even my brother calls me sir

I got to change, find myself, take my place, find my space

1 got to clean out my closet, what a job!

- I want to be hot! - You want to be hot!

I wan! to be ho! like you!

All in vinyl and plastic

Wash my clothes with "Fantastic"

It clings, clashes, shines, I wear all the famous lines

The sky's fut! of stars, but I'm the star in my parade

Wait UH ! come out of the closet

Me? A snob?

I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you.

Penetrate.

What would you like?

Between the sheets? A Gibson?

Martini.

It's not that I'm bored, but...

...you had something for me?

Listen. Quite simply...

I have this statue of myself,

a beautiful marble piece.

I'd like to sell it. For a good price!

You're embarrassing me.

A sculpture of one's self...

You see, auctioning it off would be awkward.

I thought that a great connoisseur like yourself...

Let's see it.

It's in my bedroom.

It's made from Carrara!

You won't miss it?

I've had quite enough of it.

I've thickened from here to here.

Some parts are still in good shape.

I still have a little bravura.

- A beautiful piece. - Very beautiful!

Would you get it for me?

I have weak wrists.

It's wobbly? You need good sea legs.

I hope it's not broken.

Do you want to check?

It can't be. What a mess!

Help! I'm drowning! Damn!

No! I don't believe it! Help!

Back from the hunt?

Is this too wild for work?

On the contrary. It brightens the place.

I meant: did you make a rare find?

A marble, finely sculpted.

It has the qualities of a Giacometti.

I got it for almost nothing.

Who sold you that?

St. Hilaire, the auctioneer. You know him.

You went to his place?

Yes.

And he took you to his bedroom?

Yes.

And then?

What?

What happened?

Nothing.

Don't lie to me!

- It's true! - I don't believe you.

Why would he sell this treasure for so little?

He's had enough of it.

He said that?

Absolutely.

I commissioned that statue of Victor.

I gave it to him on our first anniversary.

Now... he's using it as bait.

Etienne...

I'll give it back to you.

Don't think anything of it.

I'm not attracted to Victor.

I find him clumsy, not very intelligent.

Maybe even...

Well, he's okay, but he's not my type.

Not at all.

I love him, Dominique.

I've got him under my skin.

When in love, you can't always explain...

It's mysterious.

Be merciful!

Take it. I never want to see it again.

If your Beauregard thinks...

...you want to steal his boyfriend,

What do you mean, "for us"?

You don't think we'll pay our debts

with what I make at school?

If you're fired...

I have an idea.

We'll zip up their flies.

Let's get you a boyfriend. You need someone.

I have someone.

Who?

Hey! Maude!

No, no, my little turtle dove.

Oh would I were thy bird, oh Juliet.

Yes my Romeo, I do want it.

I do want it,

but I wouldst kill thee with caressing thee too much.

Hugo! Hugo!

It's Shakespeare at his most romantic.

Your moves should be more fluid, more...

Any more fluid and I spray everybody.

Okay, let's reconvene after lunch.

Damn you, Shakespeare!

Check out that body.

To me, that's a 10.

Can you picture yourself caught between those legs?

I too feel like an object of desire.

The gays look at me as if I invented the butt.

Hugo.

I'd like you to meet my friend, Dominique.

We have a gig for you.

Dominique needs someone to play a fag,

a young trendy to accompany him.

Whoa! I'm not gay!

Neither is he.

No, I'm not.

He's a real macho.

In real life,

Dominique is married and has children.

That's his work clothes. He plays a fag.

- I'd play one too? - Absolutely.

I'd be his... his Romeo?

Let's say my Juliet.

I'll charge you union rates... fiction...

I'm not known yet, so I'll charge scale,

$420 a day.

- Including make-up time. - There's no make-up.

Hey! Queens parties, Mardi Gras, Halloween!

I'll need make-up.

And costumes!

Do I bill you?

Forget the costumes.

We have everything here at school.

There's a night rate.

Pajama parties! I'll have to be there.

I forgot.

Nude scenes are extra.

But I'm warning you.

Nude scenes, only if it's absolutely necessary.

"Only if it's absolutely necessary."

The neighbors will think I'm a princess.

It's a little flashy, but it was the only one left.

Imagine that you are my princess.

Oh! Dr. Lamoureux!

Even psychiatrists can lose it.

Thank you, doctor,

for taking my husband's place.

Maude... You'll make me dream.

- This is for you. - I couldn't.

Please...

Thank you.

What would I do, alone, oh shy one... Victor?

Chiquita, my little Mexican girl.

I'm so happy to see you.

What would I do, alone, oh shy one...

Of my kisses without your mouth?

What is it?

It came with the flowers.

The flowers?

It's signed "Victor".

Victor Hugo!

What would I do, alone, oh shy one...

Of the day and of the skies without you?

Of my kisses without your mouth? Blah-di-blah...

It's from the Contemplations.

Maude, my little popotamus!

Hello!

Yes.

Who?

One moment please.

It's Victor Hugo.

Hello!

Yes, yes.

Hello, Victor!

Yes.

It's the secretary... I mean...

...the cleaning lady.

I didn't want to hurt Etienne. Listen, I should explain things.

Right now?

It's difficult.

Etienne wants to sell the business?

I'll try to free myself.

Love to you too. I mean good-bye.

Damn! Something came up at work.

It's my new partner. An antique dealer...

- It's complicated. - It sure looks suspicious.

It's not, let me explain.

About the chest of drawers.

The chest of drawers?

Your chest of drawers! Your treasure.

I sol... exchanged it.

For what?

A sculpture.

The Manneken Piss on the table?

Exactly. But let me explain...

Explain what's hanging there!

The thing on your ear.

That's...

Maude, listen to me.

May I see Dominique, please?

You're here already...

This is not a bad moment, I hope.

No, not at all.

I must go.

I'll be back soon. I'll explain.

You're a dear, to free yourself.

Etienne is so jealous. It's real hell!

Good evening. ls Dominique there?

No.

- May I leave a message? - Why do you want him?

I came to show him my costume...

...for the exhibition.

And who are you?

Hugo.

Victor Hugo?

No. Just Hugo.

My poor child.

I must know who you want to talk to.

The friend that I am

or the psychiatrist?

To the psychiatrist, doctor!

So go on.

Tell me, frankly, doctor...

Can a man go from loving women to loving men in 3 weeks?

His homosexuality may have been smoldering under the embers...

...for years and the circumstances...

...a little blow and it starts to blaze!

It's not impossible that, during all that time,

your husband led...

a double life.

You found just the right words for Etienne.

Thank you...

...for reconciling us.

What's that doing there?

Oh no!

Maude!

Maude, open the door!

Do you know what time it is?

It dragged on.

It's my partner's boyfriend. I had to listen to him.

And Hugo?

What? Victor Hugo?

No, just Hugo! Is he a friend of your partner's also?

Why talk about him? He works for me.

I hired him. He pretends he's gay.

Him too?

My little one.

Maude, I'm bleeding.

You hurt me. Open the door.

Maude, for heaven's sake!

Mr. Samson? Lost your keys?

No. No. No...

Should I call your wife'?

I was going out to get some milk.

Skimmed or Homogenized?

Homo!

Do your business, Show White.

That was Dan Bigras in "The Human Animal".

At the Christ-our-Lord Hall, a lecture by Herculine...

...entitled "The ovaries and the testes"

or "Sex as an antisocial force."

Don't worry.

Women are all a little hysterical.

...we're only made to breed.

Another woman... I might have understood.

But with a man!

Several men! Two! Only last night!

Relax. Stay calm.

Stay calm?

I just threw my husband out.

Doctor, was I right?

It was the only thing to do.

You'll see... he'll deny everything.

typical.

He'll even insist you take him back

as if nothing happened.

You think so?

It's classic. But don't do it.

Avoid direct contact...

...endless explanations.

It would only hurt you more.

My whole life is falling apart!

Don't worry, I'm here for you.

- I'm coming home tonight. - No, Dominique.

Corinne, don't forget your lunch.

Not until you're cured.

Think about the kids.

It's not contagious. You can't catch it.

You caught it.

I have to go to the hospital.

I have patients who are really ill.

I'll come by anyway.

I need to get my statue.

Fetch it at the hospital.

Damn jealousy!

He hung up on me!

A little jealousy wakes up...

A love that's fallen asleep...

For a cleaner environment,

p!ease respect the non-smoking signs.

Dr. Raymond Tremblay,

to the magnetic resonance department.

- Smoking again? - What do you expect!

Maude, it's a game!

You're good at it.

For ten years, I thought you were a man.

- I can explain. - Don't try.

There's no need to explain.

Look at that one.

Don't tell me he's a faggot.

Are you calling me a faggot?

D'you say faggot?

- You heard? - Yeah.

Well, maybe I said something that sounds like it...

magnet...

cabinet... not faggot.

He was talking about his statuette.

That's it, statuette.

Son of a gun! Victor!

You know him too?

I leave you... to your friends.

Hey, we have a deal, man.

You were supposed to be here at 6:00.

You come...

- Jackass! - He's not coming.

He's leaving tomorrow.

He has a role in a little Arcand film.

What about me?

I'm not going.

Beauregard is sponsoring the exhibition.

You have to go.

- I'm not going. - You are going.

Not going without protection.

They won't eat you!

Not if my bodyguard is there.

THE MALE SPIRIT

Thank you very much.

After you, darling.

The hips, the hips...

Dear friends...

As I open this exhibition by La Sodoma

I'd like to stress the long road

that's been traveled since Michelangelo.

Indeed...

without Pope Julius H's indulgent protection

Michelangelo would have paid dearly

for the interest he showed in his young models.

Nowadays, La Sodoma may paint freely

and it as those paintings we pay dearly for.

Without further ado, let's welcome

the unique virtuoso of the human body...

La Sodoma!

My models are on the walls and in the room.

A real pleasure for the eye. Thank you, gentlemen.

The choice is yours:

the flesh or the painting.

Bravo! Brava!

A splendid party, isn't it?

Don't say it, don't say it...

You're my Dominique's boss.

Etienne De Beauregard.

I'm so pleased!

He's always talking about you. Etienne this, Etienne that...

Introduce me to your bonbon.

Victor, this is Pierre.

I understand... I understand...

...why you've put your head in the noose.

Come, I know everybody.

See you later...

Stop being a jackass!

Darling...

It's so carnal...

All these men taking each other from behind.

It's super... super Socratic.

I think I've touched something here.

Erotissimo... It's the silent sin in all its eloquence.

You did very well with our Andrew.

But...

He's the dancer from Super Mémé's troupe.

Do you know him?

Of course!

Any more graceful and he'd fly!

Next time, I'd like to be a piece of the brochette.

Cool your shish kebab.

What an exhibition!

- I know him! - Who?

- The one with Etienne. - It's his new partner.

Dominique Samson.

He is my friend's son, Elisa Ballester.

They're best friends, my dear.

Isn't he married with two kids?

Shut up, Sandy.

Even if it wasn't true, it could hurt him.

Elizabeth!

Sandy!

- You're late! - I'm in time for the good part.

- Guess who's here. - Everybody!

- Even your son, darling. - Here?

With the most lovely fellow...

- We're leaving. - I'm just starting to have fun.

No!

And now, on the cultural scene.

Here's Anatole Bouffant.

Here at the Third Eye Gallery all of gay Montreal is here...

...for the latest exhibition by La Sodoma.

...entitled, justly "The Male Spirit".

A very colorful crowd

has applauded the artist

whose brush translates.

the unique beauty of the male body.

All that time, Pierre!

Ah, my little chick.

I missed you last night.

Come in, baby. My little chick.

Little chick?

Mother, I'm 35 years old.

You finally reconciled your X and your Y.

It's as if you were being reborn.

I was hoping you'd talk to Maude.

It would be a waste of time.

I don't think she's sophisticated enough

for your new lifestyle.

I'm so happy

you're finally becoming a man, my little chick.

Oh!And...

...drink some sperm,

it's the secret of true virility.

Not the ridiculous machismo your dad wanted for you.

So soon?

Don't you want to eat a little something?

Don't break it down!

I want to see that sculpture.

Where does it come from?

It was here when my boyfriend bought the place.

I have two more in a box.

Beautiful prehistoric vibrators.

How much?

$50.

$40 if you pay cash.

What'? You've got some nerve, calling me after what happened!

You should've married

instead or' breaking up other marriages.

- Pierre! - Yes, I'm here.

- ls Dominique there? - No!

No! He's not back yet.

That's why I'm calling you.

Maude, he still loves you.

Nothing's changed, I swear.

Why don't you go and have a little night of romance...

...the two of you, alone somewhere?

At the Weeping Willow Inn?

Oh no! That's where we went on our honeymoon.

THE WEEPING WILLOW INN

It's the champagne.

What a coincidence! I know you!

- I don't think so. - Of course! The exhibition!

I'm a friend of Victor's and Etienne's.

- Should I pop it? - No.

That won't be necessary.

Don't tell me you like women too!

He's a transvestite.

Such small feet...

Must be Asian.

Japanese. He's very shy.

Do you recognize it?

Yes. You were wearing it on our wedding night.

Remember what you told me'?

Virility has a name: Samson.

I'll be back.

I forgot to ask you to sign, Dominique.

I even remember your name... and your beautiful green eyes.

Enjoy your sushi.

Dominique...

...it's very limp.

Well, yes. I don't know,

It uh... Must be nerves.

Do you have a cold?

No, no...

It must be emotional.

You're so nervous.

No.

Oh! Yes!

Dominique.

My poor little treasure...

If you've no desire for me anymore,

what'll happen to us?

I don't understand.

You must get help.

What's wrong?

Pull a muscle?

No. No.

It's okay.

Hey man!

I don't feel like it anymore.

How did it go with Maude?

- No better than that? - Yeah.

It takes time. It'll come back.

I have a fiddle for you.

Do you know why beavers have flat tails?

Cause they get too many blow jobs from ducks.

Don't ever do that again!

Goodness! What a sensitive butt.

So, you're the cute little curly-haired boy...

...dressed as a girl?

My mother forced me to wear dresses

until I was seven.

Like Hemingway.

Hemingway was super male.

At 50, he was still wearing dresses,

pretending to be his wife's girlfriend.

Were you ever attracted to a man?

Never!

With your psychological history?

Never?

No.

Did your mother breast-feed you?

I'm here to get cured, not talk about her.

Cured...

I'm already treating your wife.

I'll refer you to Dr. Pedocq.

He's very knowledgeable about homosexuality.

I'm not a homosexual.

Good. Talk to him.

He's very nice. He's a specialist.

Know what we often find in the super male

when the mask falls?

A little trembling baby.

- Hello! - 'Morning, sir.

- Oh, dandruff. - I can't help it.

Hi.

You're not feeling good today?

I'm okay.

No, something's wrong. I can feel it.

I don't want to pry but it's your lover'?

If only we could manage our love life

with the same maestria that we do our professional life...

If I can cheer you up...

I'm very happy with your work.

I submitted your name for the presidency

of the Antique Dealers Guild.

Imagine the prestige for us if you're elected.

You should get it.

I was president twice, I'm not eligible.

I invited Lonsdale to my place for the weekend.

He's the outgoing president.

If he supports you, you'll get it.

You've been sucking face for half an hour.

We'll be spending all weekend being sucked up to.

Welcome to Etienne's.

After you...

Of course, we kept the brightest

and the most romantic room for the two of you.

Is there one with twin beds?

Sorry, queen size everywhere.

He snores.

You'll just have to keep me awake, my queen.

For that, don't mind us!

This place is a love nest.

So my darlings,

Etienne is expecting you for drinks...

...at 5:00.

Are you going to sulk all day?

I had other plans for the weekend.

What's one weekend?

I do this every day! For once you're helping out.

You're right, my little turtle dove.

What should we wear?

Good heavens! How daring!

It was Pierre's idea.

Good afternoon and welcome.

The skirt! Irresistible!

And there's more! We can do the whole bit.

Stunning!

I want one! I want one!

They're out of stock.

Dominique, my friend, Igor de Lonsdale.

Pierre.

You gave our Etienne a shot of adrenaline.

He'll soon be the poshest antique dealer in America.

I invited someone. I think you'll be pleased.

My little chick!

Oh! It's Pierre!

- Your Pierre... our Pierre... - His Pierre.

Sandy Klein, a friend of mine.

Your mother is an old friend.

Partners in business and now in love. Marvelous!

I knew within that male body there was a female soul hiding.

Mom-in-law...

Which Julien is that?

Louis Julien, the archeologist.

Ah yes! He found 7 or 8 figurines.

From the glacial period, of course.

Some wine, Mrs. Ballester?

I wouldn't hurt your little figurine.

I'm sure there are more.

We would know.

Treasures from the Pleistocene era

don't melt just like that!

Why would there be more?

I'd love to see your treasure.

You tease...

Etienne, could I be excused?

I have a terrible headache.

You'll miss the chef's banana flambé!

I think it'd be too much.

Good night.

Don't hurry on my account, my pet.

Our friend is so quiet!

What is she cooking up?

Will you hold your tongue?

I can do lots more than that!

I'm doing a huge painting

as a homage to Anselm Kiefer.

I saw books he illustrated with yellow streaks.

Ejaculations!

- Figuratively. - Literally, Mom.

Anselm collected his sperm for 20 years

and used it to paint.

The seminal creator.

I also only use sperm.

He was, if I may say so, self-sufficient.

But you?

I have Sico-Sico, my color palette.

I come in white only.

Did you say a huge painting?

I give a little every day.

Solitary work.

Damn!

I came to see how my chickadee was doing.

A little down at the moment.

Nevertheless, the little birdie isn't dead.

Victor...

Orange blossom oil.

A little massage... It'll relax you.

Orange blossom...

I'm allergic, I swell up right away.

You're so right!

Victor, you're going to make me mad!

Go ahead, bite me!

I was concerned...

Because of his big head-ache.

Start by taking your hand out of his pants.

Help!

No need to get violent!

Shoo!

- What a drag! - You kept flirting with him.

- I was trying to be friendly. - My eye!

Hands under the table, crude manners...

Jealous? I'm touched.

I asked you to come along, not throw yourself at everyone.

Scared your queens would laugh?

Some have more scruples than you.

You can say that again.

Asshole!

- My spot! - Room for two.

Come on!

Is that for me?

Good night...

...fag.

We only have weekends together.

You do all you can to spoil them.

You'll never change...

Whenever I'm having some fun, you sulk.

You enjoy hurting me?

Oh cease!

You're more sensitive than a woman.

Good heavens!

Someone's getting basted...

I told you! He's a beast!

How inspiring!

Say...

You're quite a lad!

Mr. Lonsdale wasn't too...

Totally spellbound.

Your frolicking inspired everyone.

Victor's never been so affectionate.

What do you think of my lips?

A little too thin?

No, they're...

Not luscious... not sensual...

I don't like my mouth.

Lonsdale told me about the surgeon who...

...did Emmanuelle Béarts lips.

If it's well done...

Think about it...

I don't know. It wouldn't look natural.

I think you're quite handsome.

You're so graceful.

And with your allure

Igor’s taken quite a fancy to you.

He'll support your candidacy, of course.

In return, he's asked a little favor.

Quebec City wants the Premier to live in the residence

it bought for him.

They'll redecorate the house.

The French President as a friendly gesture

offered the services of the decorator

who did the French Palace.

She's a friend of Lonsdale.

He'd like us to give her a hand.

My pleasure.

Wait, wait, wait! Women decorators...

...can be such a bore.

Good morning.

The luggage--

Have them brought up to my room.

Dominique Samson?

Rose Petitpas.

Yes, it's me.

I'm sorry, but...

I... I didn't expect... someone... like you.

Igor told me a lot about you.

You made quite an impression on him.

I'm at your service.

Look at what they sent me from Quebec.

Totally into folklore.

Kitchen Mafia Chapdelaine style.

Your Premier's from that region...

but nevertheless...

Look at the cocktail machine!

What's that huge thing over there?

An old wood stove.

That's pretty, but everything else...

Library... lumberjack style.

Try and imagine a nice collection in the Pleiad style.

This half-timbering messes everything up.

But the best of all is the bathroom

in the master bedroom.

With the Jacuzzi surrounded by an imitation beaver dam.

It's a horror!

Still, between the nouveau riche style

and my cabin in Canada

we'll find something more representative.

The modern Quebec but with its French roots.

Have you a list of antique dealers?

Yes, about thirty.

We could do two or three today.

Two or three!

You're kidding! We'll work the American way.

It's Evangeline!

Rather dull.

A reading table for your Premier.

"Maria Chapdelaine experienced that all her life."

What beautiful illustrations.

It's not old enough.

Yes it is!

It's shrunk a half-inch against the grain.

Taxi!

It's very rare.

And very fake.

No, look! The Molitor mark!

The mark's authentic.

But the piece is a fake.

How's it possible?

Molitor, Jacob, Barra...

All marks from the 18th...

A French colleague sold them to me.

I don't mark just anything.

I'm scrupulous.

Well, I'll be!

We take it?

You've been super.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

So self-assured!

Got it from my mother.

To think he almost stuck me with a phony Molitor!

But, you know...

I noticed that men like you...

Well... you know what I mean.

You have a flair... an intuition...

a more developed instinct than ours.

Rose, can you keep a secret?

Yes!

I'm not a homosexual.

Come now, my dear Dominique. Don't defend yourself.

I'm used to it.

You're all like this in the trade.

On the contrary... it's gay.

You're wearing a magnificent earring.

I'd give it to you but...

it's a gift from Etienne.

Oh no, I wouldn't dare.

Don't take it away.

I feel all kinds of vibrations. It's very disturbing.

Come now, let's not ruin this day.

We're still stuck.

I definitely need a main piece.

- Something symbolic? - Yes... but what?

I really don't see.

What a time to lose your inspiration.

Sorry.

Don't worry, we'll sleep on it.

We've still done a lot of work.

Well... good night, Dominique.

But... what are you doing?

This is no way to behave!

I can't hold back anymore!

Are you kidding or what?

No. I don't know what's happening to me but you...

- You, don't you feel anything? - Well yes, but...

...nothing that would jeopardize your orientation.

But I'm not oriented, I'm disoriented!

Dominique, I guess you'll tell me it's because of your mother.

She was over-protective of her chick.

Yes, that's it!

No! I'm sorry, my dear Dominique...

You'll have to settle your score with her,

because I have no desire to play mother.

Good night.

What brings you, sweetie?

- Anger! - Catch your breath.

Sit down, my little chick.

Stop calling me your love or your little chick!

Help! What's wrong, Dominique?

Precisely Dominique!

Can you tell me why I ended up with such a neutral first name?

Because it was suitable for a boy or a girl.

- You wanted a girl? - Yes.

You're turning out well enough.

Psychologists tell us

the masculine gender doesn't exist.

Certainly not in our house!

Dad never took me fishing!

Or hunting! Or...

Hunting!

So who did I have, as a model of virility?

You had me!

I'm a mother, fine.

But I'm a phallic mother.

Real sexual power comes from the woman.

Not from your poor penis

that we must constantly caress to coax its little treasure!

You should thank me.

For making me impotent?

Impotent?

My poor little baby.

Someone's hurt.

Come let me pamper you.

Shut up, mom.

Put your head on my breast, my little poopoo.

- Dominique... - Stop it!

Mommy!

My little chick!

A homosexual murders his mother!

Think about it.

Yes... a homosexual.

It's probably what I've become!

With Maude... at the Weeping Willow Inn...

Nothing.

What do you mean?

Nothing!

Nothing.

Women...

Nothing.

No feelings for anyone... for women'?

Well, I can't really say that...

Earlier tonight, it seemed like...

I felt my hormones go click.

For a woman?

Yes... yes, my decorator.

- And? - She sent me packing.

You left with your tail between your legs.

Yes.

But that's not my Dominique! Not the Dominique I know.

Wake up. There was a click!

Go, go! Terminator, go!

Go, Terminator, go!

Who's there?

Terminator, uh... Dominique.

I had a sudden flash...

I found what you were looking for.

- It's a joke! - Not at all! Open it.

It'll be your masterpiece.

It's what de Gaulle wore

for his speech at Montreal City Hall.

I don't believe it!

You were looking for something that would grab everybody.

Here it is!

It's absolutely super.

That's not all.

Long live Quebec...

Long live a free Quebec.

What a mega find!

Let's not be afraid to say it... Or to do it.

This implies...

Yeah, we got it, General.

...that we must have tighter physical bonds.

Dominique was a volcano, and I extinguished him.

Can you imagine?

A woman of my age!

I can't excite men anymore!

Of course Maude, believe me, you excite them.

Stop flagellating yourself.

I can still provoke a reaction?

Well, of course!

Maude...

...as a doctor, it's my duty to help you regain confidence.

But I'm so depressed, doctor.

Get the Prozac, anything!

No, no, no! No medication for you.

Allow me, if you don't mind,

to talk about something very intimate.

Under the circumstances, I must tell you.

When you are here...

I get an irresistible flow of blood to my member.

You just say that to encourage me!

Not at all.

Doctor'?

With you, I become like a volcano.

Let me be your Mount Etna.

Your Vesuvius, your Popocatepetl.

Do I hear a moan?

Maybe a sigh.

Vagino-clitoridian!

Let's say we're out of consultation.

Maude!

My little quail...

It's an aphrodisiac.

Doctor, you've deceived me.

Yes. I played a bit of a sham,

because I didn't dare.

I wasn't sure of your feelings.

Wasn't it obvious from the start that I was dying of love'?

How could I be so blind?

Jealousy was blinding you.

You're right. It's jealousy.

Now that I know you're madly in love with me

I can finally offer you my volcanic gushings.

I'm going to cool your Popocatepetl.

So keep your gushing, doctor.

It's Dominique I love.

Yes, I'm coming.

- Maude? - Pierre...

I can't stand it anymore.

I love him.

I'm going crazy.

But he loves you too!

Nothing has changed, I swear.

Let me explain.

He tried, but I didn't want to listen.

Where is he?

I want to see him!

Sorry.

- Where are you going? - Mrs. Petitpas' suite.

It's the champagne!

Just a drop! I'm still jet lagged.

Come in...

Yoohoo, Dominique?

Dominique?

Rose?

Have you seen Dominique?

I'm a friend of Dominique's.

I want to thank you on his behalf.

You sure he's all right?

Yes, absolutely, I even think that you cured him.

Fine.

You know I sent for some champagne.

Will you join me?

- By all means. - Good.

Etienne!

Lalancette!

No, don't call. I'll be fine.

Get me my pills.

Over there, my pills.

Oh my God!

Dominique...

Have some compassion.

Tell me you sail both sides of the lake.

Etienne, I wish I could.

Goodness! But I don't understand.

Pierre?

Pierre was just a front.

So... He isn't either...

He's not...

It's better if you leave now.

Go away.

Leave! Before you kill me.

He's not one. He's not one.

I had left some pieces with you.

Your ticket?

Here's the carbon 14 certificate,

duly signed by our director.

- Pleistocene? - Absolutely.

25,000 years... at least.

An inestimable treasure, sir.

With your fag number...

Pierre... Gay.

Gay... We had a chance to make it.

But now...

Dominique...

I'm lovestruck.

I'm in love with Rose.

You can't let me down.

Remember the sculptures I showed you?

- Those moth-eaten pieces of wood. Those... yeah.

Well, they're little statues...

...from the glacial period.

One call to Sotheby's and we kiss our debts goodbye.

Cool it! I'm still convalescing!

My little turtle dove!

Mommy!

Daddy's back!

Mommy! Daddy's back!

- Aren't you at school? - No, today's a holiday.

- Nice trip? - Yes.

I drew a horse. Want to see it?

Show me everything!

If you knew how much they missed you, my love!

And me!

Daddy...

Look...

That's a real papaloosa!

The pizza!

- Daddy, it's not the pizza. - It's for you.

I apologize for calling unannounced.

Mrs. Samson?

Etienne De Beauregard.

I am your husband's associate.

- Come in. - Thank you.

I've thought long and hard.

I can't do without you.

You're too talented.

You're too valuable to me.

I just received the news...

You've been elected President!

President of what?

Of the Antique Dealers Guild, of course.

But I don't get it!

I told Lonsdale there'd been a mishap.

The Confederacy had elected a straight president.

And by Jove...

...he was delighted.

Even antique dealers can appreciate novelty.

- Sit down. - Thank you.

Look at my horse.

You ride horses? A puny little thing like you?

It's beautiful!

- Want to see my plane? - Yes.

Magnificent!

You're lucky.

You like the country?

I have a nice lake. We could go sailing.

Only on one side.

I don't know if I dare... but...

Couldn't you use a grandfather?

It makes my head spin!

Pieces from the Quaternary Period.

The Apparition of Man.

I won't allow these treasures to leave the country.

I have debts, Mr. Minister.

Listen.

We'll match any offer you may get

from an American museum.

I promise you, as Minister of Culture.

Hi there.

I came to kiss you goodbye. I'm meeting Rose in Paris.

It's true love?

Yes it is!

- So Mr. Minister, is it a deal? - Indeed.

I was also thinking of making you an offer.

The plans for a new museum in the capital!

Let me introduce... Mrs. Samson.

- Is she your wife? - Yes.

And my children, Corinne and Edouard.

How about a boat ride before the wind changes?

- Yes. - Come, come...

My associate... Pierre Sanchez.

Mr. Minister.

Sorry about the architectural project...

I thought you were one of us...

You understand. It's quite a hurdle...

Quite a hurdle. Yes.

Yes but, if I may...

My associate is...

Dear friend. Is this true?

I can count on you then. You...?

Ah yes, yes.

Indeed I am, Mr. Minister.

All the animals in this film

were kindly and humanely treated.