Original subtitles

COL. SANDURZ?

WHAT IS IT, SGT. RICCO?

YOU TOLD ME TO LET YOU KNOW THE MOMENT

PLANET DRUIDIA WAS IN SIGHT, SIR.

SO?

PLANET DRUIDIA IS IN SIGHT, SIR.

YOU'RE REALLY A SPACEBALL.

YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU?

THANKS, SIR.

HAVE YOU NOTIFIEDLORD HELMET?

YES, SIR. I TOOK THE LIBERTY.HE'S ON HIS WAY.

MAKE WAY FOR DARK HELMET!

ALL RISE IN THE PRESENCEOF DARK HELMET.

I CAN'T BREATHE IN THIS THING.

WE'RE APPROACHINGPLANET DRUIDIA, SIR.

GOOD. I'LL CALL SPACEBALL CITY

AND NOTIFY PRESIDENT SKROOBIMMEDIATELY.

I ALREADY CALLED HIM, SIR. HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

WHAT? YOU WENT OVER MY HELMET?

WELL, NOT EXACTLY OVER, SIR.UH, M-M-MORE TO THE SIDE.

I'LL ALWAYS CALL YOU FIRST.

IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. NEVER EVER!

OH, SHIT!

NO, NO, NO.NO, NO, NO! NO! PLEASE!

PLEASE, PLEASE, NO, NO,NO, NOT THAT!

YES, THAT.

SANDURZ!SIR.

I DON'T SEE PLANET DRUIDIA. WHERE IS IT?

WE DON'T HAVEVISUAL CONTACT YET, SIR,

BUT WE HAVE ITON THE RADAR SCREEN.SHALL I PUNCH IT UP FOR YOU?

UH, NEVER MIND. I'LL DO IT MYSELF.

VERY GOOD, SIR.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THIS THING?

WHAT'S THAT CHURNING AND BUBBLING?

YOU CALL THAT A RADAR SCREEN?

NO, SIR, WE CALL IT MR. COFFEE.

CARE FOR SOME?

YES. I ALWAYS HAVE COFFEE WHEN I WATCH RADAR. YOU KNOW THAT.

OF COURSE I DO, SIR.EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT!

OF COURSE WE DO, SIR.

NOW THAT I HAVE MY COFFEE,I'M READY TO WATCH RADAR.

WHERE IS IT?

RIGHT HERE, SIR.

SWITCH TO TELEVIEW.

THERE IT IS.PLANET DRUIDIA.

AND UNDERNEATH THE AIR SHIELD,10,000 YEARS OF FRESH AIR.

WE MUST GET THROUGHTHAT AIR SHIELD.

WE WILL, SIR.

ONCE WE KIDNAP THE PRINCESS,

WE CAN FORCE HER FATHER, KING ROLAND,

TO GIVE US THE COMBINATION TO THE AIR SHIELD

THEREBY DESTROYING PLANET DRUIDIA

AND SAVING PLANET SPACEBALL.

EVERYBODY GOT THAT?

GOOD. WHEN WILLTHE PRINCESS BE MARRIED?

WITHIN THE HOUR, SIR.

WELL, I HOPEIT'S A LONG CEREMONY,

'CAUSE IT'S GONNABE A SHORT HONEYMOON.

HOT! TOO HOT.

OH, IF ONLY YOUR MOTHER WERE ALIVE

TO SEE THIS DAY. IS EVERYONE READY?

YES, YOUR MAJESTY.

NO! WHERE'S MY DROIDOF HONOR?

OH, DEAR, YES. WHERE'S DOT? DOT?

DOT MATRIX!

OH, THANK GOD, DEAR!

WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?

HERE I AM. I'M SORRY.

I HAD TO MAKE A PIT STOP.

I'M SO EXCITED, I--I COULDN'T HOLD MY OIL.

ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. IT'S MAGIC TIME!

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, STARTING ON THE LEFT FOOT.

DADDY,THAT'S THE RIGHT FOOT.

IT'S TOO LATE. KEEP GOING.

DADDY.

MUST I GO THROUGH WITH THIS?

I'M SORRY, MY DEAR. YOU HAVE TO.

BUT, DADDY,

I DON'T LOVE HIM.

I'M SORRY, VESPA.

HE'S THE LAST PRINCE LEFT IN THE GALAXY.

DEARLY BELOVED,

WE ARE GATHERED HEREON THIS MOST JOYOUS OCCASION

TO WITNESS PRINCESS VESPA,DAUGHTER OF KING ROLAND,

GOING RIGHT PAST THE ALTAR,HEADING DOWN THE RAMP,

AND OUT THE DOOR!

STOP HER! SOMEONE STOP HER! STOP HER!

HEY, WAIT!YOU FORGOT TO GET MARRIED!

WILL YOU STOP?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NO QUESTIONS, DOT. GET IN.

WHAT IS SHE DOING? WHERE IS SHE GOING?

COME BACK!

♪ OH, YEAH

♪ YOU

♪ YOU GOT A NASTY REPUTATION

♪ WE'RE IN A STICKY SITUATION ♪

♪ IT'S DOWN TO ME AND YOU ♪

♪ SO TELL ME

♪ IS IT TRUE

♪ THEY SAY THERE AIN'T NOBODY BETTER ♪

♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU CAN DO

BARF.

♪ OUT ON THE RUN

♪ GONNA SET THE NIGHT ON FIRE ♪

BARF.

BARF!

♪ AND PLAYIN' TO WIN

HUH?

♪ RAISE YOUR HANDS

BARF.

ALWAYS WHEN I'M EATIN'.

BARF.

WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR, BOSS?WHERE YOU BEEN?

GRABBIN' MYSELF A SNACK.YOU WANT SOME?

NO!A LITTLE HAIR OF THE DOG?

NO! LISTEN, ANSWER THAT THING FOR ME.

WILL YOU WATCH THAT?OH, SORRY.

I'LL JUST THROWON OUR AUDIO HERE.

THAT WAY THEY WON'T SEE YOU.

YELLO!

HELLO, LONE STARR.

SORRY, WRONG SWITCH.

HELLO, VINNIE. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

NO, NO, NO, NO,

IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT.

IT'S WHAT HE WANTS.

PIZZA THE HUTT.

WELL, IF IT ISN'T LONE STARR,

AND HIS SIDEKICK, PUKE.

THAT'S BARF.

BARF, PUKE, WHATEVER.

WHERE'S MY MONEY?

DON'T WORRY, PIZZA.YOU'LL HAVE IT BY NEXT WEEK.

NO. NO.I GOTTA HAVE IT BY TOMORROW.

A 100,000 SPACE BUCKS? BY TOMORROW?

A 100,000?

NO WAY!

YOU FORGOT LATE CHARGES,

WHICH BRINGS IT UP TO, UH,ONE MILLION SPACE BUCKS!

A MILLION? THAT'S UNFAIR!

UNFAIR TO THE PAYOR,

BUT NOT TO THE PAYEE.

BUT YOU'RE GONNA PAY IT OR ELSE...

OR ELSE WHAT?

TELL HIM, VINNIE.

OR ELSE PIZZA IS GONNA SEND OUT FOR YOU.

MMM.

YOU'RE DELICIOUS.

CIAO,BOYS.

♪ I SLEPT IN YOUR ARMS

♪ CONTENT TO GO ON DREAMING

♪ A NIGHTMARE TOO REAL TO IMAGINE ♪

♪ LOSING YOU

CAN WE TALK?

OK. WE ALL KNOWPRINCE VALIUM IS A PILL,

BUT YOU COULD'VE MARRIED HIMFOR YOUR FATHER'S SAKE,

AND THEN HAD A HEADACHEFOR THE NEXT 25 YEARS.

♪ I LOVE YOU MORE EACH DAY

WILL YOU TURNTHAT THING OFF?

♪ PLAY ON MY HEARTSTRINGS

WHAT?

WHAT IS IT?

I WAS SAYING,DO YOU REALIZEWHAT YOU'VE DONE?

YES! AND I'M GLAD.

GLAD, GLAD, GLAD, GLAD, GLAD.

I WONDER IF SHE'S GLAD.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

AS PRESIDENT OFPLANET SPACEBALL,

I CAN ASSURE BOTH YOUAND YOUR VIEWERS

THAT THERE'S ABSOLUTELYNO AIR SHORTAGE WHATSOEVER.

YES, OF COURSE.

I'VE HEARDTHE SAME RUMOR MYSELF.

YES, THANKS FOR CALLINGAND NOT REVERSINGTHE CHARGES.

YES, BYE.

SHITHEAD.

PRESIDENT SKROOB.

YES?

THIS IS CENTRAL CONTROL.

SPACEBALL COMMANDERETTE ZIRCON SPEAKING, SIR.

YES, WHAT IS IT, COMMANDERETTE?

LORD HELMET HAS JUST NOTIFIED US

THAT PRINCESS VESPA IS IN SIGHT

ANDSPACEBALL ONE IS CLOSING IN ON HER.

GOOD. GOOD.

WE HAVE BOTH SHIPS COMING UP

ON THE TELEDAR, SIR, IF YOU WISH TO OBSERVE.

I'LL BE DOWN IMMEDIATELY.

SHOULD I HAVE SNOTTY BEAM YOU DOWN, SIR?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT BEAMING STUFF.

IS IT SAFE?

OH, YES, SIR.

SNOTTY BEAMED ME TWICE LAST NIGHT.

IT WAS WONDERFUL.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL TAKE A SHOT AT IT.

WHAT THE HELL, IT WORKS ON STAR TREK.

SNOTTY,

BEAM HIM DOWN.

YES, SIR. IMMEDIATELY, SIR.

GREAT BEASTIES!

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HIS HEAD?

IT'S ON BACKWARDS!

THIS IS TERRIBLE! DO SOMETHING!

I'M SORRY, SIR.

THERE MUST HAVE BEENA MICRO-CONVERTER MALFUNCTION.

WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME MY ASS WAS SO BIG?

HOLD ON, SIR.WE'LL TRY TO REVERSE THE BEAM.

IT COULD BE THE INTERLOCKING SYSTEM.

LOCK 1. LOCK 2. LOCK 3.

LOCH LOMOND!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MR. PRESIDENT?

FINE. FINE. NO THANKS TO YOU!

WE'LL BEAM YOU BACK, SIR.

FORGET IT. FORGET IT. NO MORE BEAMING.

THIS TIME I'M GONNA WALK.

PRESIDENT SKROOB! SALUTE!

HAIL, SKROOB!

HELLO, PRESIDENT SKROOB.

OH, UH,

HELLO, CHARLENE.

I'M MARLENE.

HELLO, MARLENE.

I'M CHARLENE.

CHEW YOUR GUM.

WHERE'S THE PRINCESS?

RIGHT THERE, SIR, ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SCREEN,

APPROACHING SPACEBALL ONEAT 1,500 LIGHT LEAGUESPER MINUTE.

GOOD. GOOD. SHE'S ALMOST IN OUR GRASP.

TELL DARK HELMET HE MUST TAKE THE PRINCESS ALIVE.

PRINCESS VESPA'S SPACESHIPWITHIN RANGE, SIR.

GOOD.

FIRE A WARNING SHOT ACROSS HER NOSE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

IT'S EITHERTHE 4TH OF JULY,

OR SOMEONE'S TRYINGTO KILL US!

HEY, I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS. I'M RICH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M CALLING MY FATHER.

1-800-DRUIDIA.

CAREFUL, YOU IDIOT!

I SAID ACROSS HER NOSE, NOT UP IT!

SORRY, SIR. I'M DOING MY BEST.

WHO MADE THAT MAN A GUNNER?

I DID, SIR. HE'S MY COUSIN.

WHO IS HE?

HE'S AN ASSHOLE, SIR.

I KNOW THAT. WHAT'S HIS NAME?

THAT IS HIS NAME, SIR.ASSHOLE. MAJ. ASSHOLE.

AND HIS COUSIN?

HE'S AN ASSHOLE, TOO, SIR.

GUNNER'S MATE, FIRST CLASS,PHILLIP ASSHOLE.

HOW MANY ASSHOLES WE GOT ON THIS SHIP ANYHOW?

YO!

I KNEW IT. I'M SURROUNDED BY ASSHOLES.

KEEP FIRING, ASSHOLES!

HURRY, DADDY. HURRY!

THERE ARE LASER BLASTS ALL AROUND US!

I'M SCARED.

KING ROLAND TO LONE STARR. KING ROLAND TO LONE STARR.

ARE YOU THERE?

LONE STARR, YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME.

PLEASE SAVE MY DAUGHTER.

SHE'S BEING ATTACKED BY SPACEBALLS!

SPACEBALLS? FORGET IT. TOO DANGEROUS.

BESIDES, I'M ALREADY NUMERO UNO

ON DARK HELMET'S HIT LIST.

LOOK, YOUR HIGHNESS,

IT'S NOT THAT WE'RE AFRAID.FAR FROM IT.

IT'S JUST THAT WE GOTTHIS THING ABOUT DEATH.

IT'S NOT US.

PLEASE, YOU MUST! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN SAVE HER!

I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING!

DID YOU HEAR ME? ANYTHING.

ANYTHING?

YES, ANYTHING.

OK. WE'LL DO IT FOR A MILLION.

A MILLION?

WHOA, YOU'RE STARTIN' TO FADE HERE.

WE'RE LOSIN' PICTURE,YOUR HIGHNESS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL PAY IT. ONLY FIND HER, SAVE HER.

ALL RIGHT, KING. YOU JUST MADE A DEAL.

ONE PRINCESS FORONE MILLION SPACE BUCKS.

WHAT'S SHE DRIVING?

A BRAND-NEW WHITE MERCEDES,

2001 S.E.L. LIMITED EDITION.

MOON ROOF, ALL-LEATHER INTERIOR.

I GOT IT AT A VERY GOOD PRICE.I PAID CASH.

MY COUSIN, PRINCE MURRAY,HAS A DEALERSHIPIN THE VALLEY.

HE WAS VERY NICE TO ME.

WE GET THE IDEA.

WHERE WAS SHE LAST SEEN?

SHE WAS JUST PASSING JUPITER 2.

WE'LL FIND HER.

PLEASE BRING HER BACK SAFELY.

AND IF IT'S AT ALL POSSIBLE,TRY TO SAVE THE CAR.

ONE MILLION SPACE BUCKS!

WE'LL BE ABLE TO PAY OFFPIZZA THE HUTT!

GIVE ME PAW!

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

WHAT'S THAT GLOW?

WE'RE NOT MOVING.

OH, WE'RE MOVING,ALL RIGHT.

BACKWARDS.

LOOK, THERE'S OUR PRINCESS. SHE'S GOT COMPANY.

OH, NO. SPACEBALLS!

AND THEY'VE ALREADY GOT HER IN THEIR MAGNETIC BEAM.

OH, WELL, WE'RE TOO LATE.

WHAT A SHAME.I'LL THROW HER IN REVERSE.

WE'LL GET OUT OF HERE.

BARF. NO! BAD.

OH, WHAT ARE WE DOIN'RISKIN' OUR LIVESFOR A RUNAWAY PRINCESS?

I KNOW WE NEED THE MONEY,BUT--

LISTEN, WE'RE NOT JUST DOIN' THIS FOR MONEY.

WE'RE DOIN' IT FOR A SHITLOAD OF MONEY.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT,YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND YOU, YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT.

OK, WE SAVE HER. BUT HOW?THE MINUTE WE MOVE IN THERE,

THEY'RE GONNA SPOT USON THEIR RADAR.

UH-UH.UH-HUH.

UH-UH.UH-HUH.

UH-UH. NOT IF WE JAM IT.

UH-HUH. YOU'RE RIGHT.

DOWN SCOPE.

DOWN SCOPE.

RADAR ABOUT TO BE JAMMED.

SHIT.

HUH.

SIR.

WHAT IS IT?

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE, SIR?

WELL?

I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE RADAR, SIR.

YOU DON'T NEED THAT, PRIVATE.WE'RE RIGHT HERE. WHAT IS IT?

I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE RADAR, SIR.

NOW WHAT IS IT?

I'M HAVING TROUBLEWITH THE RADAR, SIR.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?

I'VE LOST THE BLEEPS,THE SWEEPS, AND THE CREEPS.

THE WHAT?THE WHAT?

AND THE WHAT?YOU KNOW. THE BLEEPS.

THE SWEEPS.

AND THE CREEPS.

THAT'S NOT ALL HE'S LOST.

SIR. THE RADAR, SIR.

IT APPEARS TO BE

JAMMED.

JAMMED.

RASPBERRY.

THERE'S ONLY ONE MANWHO WOULD DAREGIVE ME THE RASPBERRY.

LONE STARR!

WHAT WAS THAT?

NEVER MIND THAT.WHAT WAS THAT?

HI.

WHO ARE YOU?

BARF.

NOT IN HERE, MISTER.THIS IS A MERCEDES.

NO, THAT'S MY NAME. BARF.

BARF? WHAT ARE YOU?

I'M A MAWG: HALF MAN, HALF DOG.

I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YOUR FATHER HIRED CAPT. LONE STARR AND ME TO SAVE YOU.

WE GOT TO HOP UP THIS LADDERAND GET OUT.

GOOD. QUICK. HURRY, DARLING.FOLLOW THE DOG.

MAWG. I'M A MAWG.

WAIT. WHAT ABOUT MY MATCHED LUGGAGE?

HEY, STOP LOOKING UP MY CAN.

SORRY.

CHECKING IN?WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THAT?

IT'S HER ROYAL HIGHNESS'S MATCHED LUGGAGE!

WHAT?

HER ROYAL HIGHNESS'S MATCHED LUGGAGE.

MATCHED LUGGAGE, HUH?

WHAT'S SHE THINK THIS IS, A PRINCESS CRUISE?

OUCH.

WELL, SHE WOULDN'T GO WITHOUT IT.

OH, YEAH?

NOW HEAR THIS. THE MINUTE WE GET OUT OF HERE,

THE FIRST THING WE DO IS

DUMP THE MATCHED LUGGAGE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

NOW YOU HEAR THIS,WHOEVER YOU ARE.

YOU WILL NOT TOUCH THAT LUGGAGE.

AND FURTHERMORE,I WANT THIS PIGSTY CLEANED UP.

I WILL NOT BE RESCUED IN SUCH FILTH.

LISTEN. ON THIS SHIP, I DON'T TAKE ORDERS, I GIVE 'EM.

THIS IS MY DREAMBOAT, SWEETHEART.

SWEETHEART?

UH-OH.

HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY?

YOU WILL ADDRESS ME IN THE PROPER MANNER AS YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS.

I AM PRINCESS VESPA,

DAUGHTER OF ROLAND, KING OF THE DRUIDS.

OH.

THAT'S ALL WE NEEDED.

A DRUISH PRINCESS.

FUNNY.SHE DOESN'T LOOK DRUISH.

NOW WE WILL SHOW HER WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THIS GALAXY.

HOLD IT. I'LL HANDLE THIS PERSONALLY.

JAWOHL, LORD HELMET!

SO, PRINCESS VESPA,

YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD OUTWIT THE IMPERIOUS FORCES OF PLANET SPACEBALL.

WELL, YOU WERE WRONG.

YOU ARE NOW OUR PRISONER.

AND YOU WILL BE HELD HOSTAGE UNTIL SUCH TIME

AS ALL OF THE AIR IS TRANSFERRED FROM YOUR PLANET

TO OURS.

SHE'S NOT IN THERE.

RADAR REPAIRED, SIR.

WE'RE PICKING UP THE OUTLINE OF A WINNEBAGO.

WINNEBAGO?

LONE STARR.

LONE STARR.

UH-OH. HERE COMES THE BADYEAR BLIMP.

WE'D BETTER GET OUT OF HEREIN A HURRY.

SWITCH TO SECRET HYPER-JETS.

SWITCHINGTO SECRET HYPER-JETS.

BUCKLE UP BACK THERE,WE'RE GOING INTO HYPERACTIVE.

WE'RE CLOSINGIN ON 'EM, SIR.

IN LESS THAN A MINUTE,LONE STARR WILL BE OURS.

GOOD. PREPARE TO ATTACK.

PREPARE TO ATTACK.

ON THE COUNT OF 3.

ONE,

2...

LATE!

WHAT HAPPENED?WHERE ARE THEY?I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

THEY MUST HAVE HYPER-JETS ON THAT THING.

AND WHAT HAVE WE GOTON THIS THING, A CUISINART?

NO, SIR.

WELL, FIND 'EM,CATCH THEM!YES, SIR.

PREPARE SHIP FOR LIGHT SPEED.

NO, NO, NO,LIGHT SPEED IS TOO SLOW.

LIGHT SPEED TOO SLOW?

YES. WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GORIGHT TO LUDICROUS SPEED.

LUDICROUS SPEED?

SIR, WE'VE NEVER GONE THAT FAST.

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS SHIP CAN TAKE IT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,COL. SANDURZ?

CHICKEN?

PREPARE SHIP.

PREPARE SHIP FOR LUDICROUS SPEED.

FASTEN ALL SEAT BELTS.

SEAL ALL ENTRANCES AND EXITS.

CLOSE ALL SHOPS IN THE MALL.

CANCEL THE 3-RING CIRCUS.

SECURE ALL ANIMALS IN THE ZOO--

GIVE ME THAT, YOU PETTY EXCUSEFOR AN OFFICER.

NOW HEAR THIS.

LUDICROUS SPEED!

SIR, HADN'T YOU BETTER BUCKLE UP?

UH, BUCKLE THIS.

LUDICROUS SPEED! GO!

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

MY BRAINS ARE GOING INTO MY FEET.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

SPACEBALL ONE.

THEY'VE GONE TO PLAID.

WE PASSED THEM. STOP THIS THING.

WE CAN'T STOP. IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.

WE'VE GOT TO SLOW DOWN FIRST.

BULLSHIT! JUST STOP THIS THING!

I ORDER YOU. STOP!

HERE, SIR. HERE. LET ME HELP YOU, SIR.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, SIR?

FINE. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

FINE, SIR.GOOD.

GOOD THING YOU WEREWEARING THAT HELMET.

YEAH.WHAT SHALL WE DO NOW, SIR?

WELL, ARE WE STOPPED?

WE'RE STOPPED, SIR.

GOOD.

WHY DON'T WE TAKE A 5-MINUTE BREAK?

VERY GOOD, SIR.

SMOKE IF YOU GOT 'EM.

TAKE HER OUT OF HYPERACTIVE.

TAKING HER OUT OF HYPERACTIVE.

CONGRATS, BOSS. WE DID IT.

THEY MUST HAVE OVERSHOT USBY A WEEK-AND-A-HALF.

OK. LET'S SET A COURSE FOR DRUIDIA.

SETTIN' A COURSE FOR DRUI--

WHAT'S THAT?I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.WE'RE LOSIN' POWER!WHY?

'CAUSE WE'RE OUT OF GAS!

MUST HAVE BURNED IT UP IN HYPERACTIVE.

I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE PUTMORE THAN 5 BUCKS' WORTH IN!

OK. WE'LL HAVE TO SET HER DOWN.

PREPARE FOR AN EMERGENCY LANDING.

QUICK, GIVE ME A READING!

OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN,HALLOWED BE THY NAME --

WILL YOU STOP THAT?

KEEP YOUR SEAT BELTS FASTENED BACK THERE.

YOU OK, PRINCESS?

NO, YOU IDIOT!WHERE'D YOU LEARN HOW TO FLY?

OK. EAGLE 5COMING IN.

OW.

LEFT! GO LEFT! RIGHT! I MEAN RIGHT!

PULL UP! PULL UP!

WHERE'RE YOU GOING?

I AM GOING TO TELL HIM OFF ONCE AND FOR ALL.

W-W-WAIT. WE'LL NEED HIM TO GET US OUT OF HERE.

CALLED ME AN IDIOT?

I'M GOIN' BACK THERE AND EXPLAIN A FEW THINGS TO HER.

BESIDES, HE'S GOT A SEXY VOICE.

HE MIGHT BE CUTE.

WAIT. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HER.

I KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. YOU'VE SEEN ONE PRINCESS, YOU'VE SEEN THEM ALL.

CUTE? I KNOW THESE SPACE BUMS, THEY'RE ALL ALIKE.

FAT, UGLY...

BUCK-TOOTHED, KNOCK-KNEED...

BEER-SWILLING PIGS!

HORSE-FACED SPACE DOGS!

YEAH, WELL, NORMALLY I'D--

OH! THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK.

NOW LISTEN, YOU...

YOU LISTEN.

ON THIS SHIP, YOU'RE TO REFER TO ME

AS "IDIOT," NOT "YOU CAPTAIN."

I MEAN... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

AND YOU WILLNOT CALL ME "YOU."

YOU WILL NEVER ADDRESS ME AS "YOU."

YOU WILL CALL ME "YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS!"

YOU ARE A ROYAL PAIN IN THE--

WHOA. HOLD IT. TIME!

WHAT?

MAY I MAKE A SMALL SUGGESTION?

ANY MINUTE NOW, THE SPACEBALLS WILL MAKE A MAJOR U-TURN,

HEAD BACK THIS WAY, AND MAKE US ALL DEAD.

HE'S RIGHT. LET'S GO.

WAIT. MY THINGS.

NOW LISTEN, YOU ROYAL--

HIGHNESS.

TAKE ONLY WHAT YOU NEED TO SURVIVE.

PLEASE SLOW DOWN.I'M GETTING SAND UP MY GEARS.

GEE, I HOPE SHE DIDN'T FORGET ANYTHING.

ALL RIGHT, WAIT A MINUTE, BARF. PUT IT DOWN.

WHAT THE HELL'S IN THIS THING?

WHAT'S THIS?

I SAID, TAKE ONLYWHAT YOU NEED TO SURVIVE.

MY INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH HAIR DRYER.

AND I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!

OK, PRINCESS, THAT'S IT.

THE FAIRY TALE IS OVER.

WELCOME TO REAL LIFE.

YOU WANT THIS HOT AIR MACHINE,YOU CARRY IT.

YOU PICK THAT UP.

YOU PICK THAT UP.

HOW DARE YOU, YOU INSOLENT PEASANT?

NOBODY TALKS TO ME THAT WAY.NOBODY!

NOBODY!

WELL, WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?WILL YOU LOOK AT HER?

THOSE FLASHING EYES, THOSE FLUSHED CHEEKS,

THOSE TREMBLING LIPS.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, PRINCESS?

YOU ARE UGLY WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY.

UH-OH.

THAT'S IT.

YOU AND YOUR DOG ARE--

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

TOTAL HUMANS, DROIDS, IF I MAY?

IT'S GOING TO BE VERY DARK SOON.

SO I SUGGEST WE FIND A PLACE TO CAMP FOR THE NIGHT.

COME, DARLING.

SEE? IT'S LIGHTER.

OH, YEAH. THIS IS THE BEST.

I COULD HAVE CARRIED 2 OR 3 OF THESE.

HAVE YOU FOUND THEM YET?

NO, LORD HELMET. THEY'RE STILL NOT ON THE SCANNER.

WELL, KEEP LOOKING FOR THEM.

PARDON ME, SIR. I HAVE AN IDEA.

CORPORAL, GET ME THE VIDEO CASSETTE OF SPACEBALLS: THE MOVIE.

YES, SIR.

"THE PRODUCERS, 12 CHAIRS, BLAZING SADDLES, YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN."

COL. SANDURZ, MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU, PLEASE?

YES, SIR.

HOW CAN THERE BE A CASSETTEOF SPACEBALLS: THE MOVIE?

WE'RE STILL INTHE MIDDLE OF MAKIN' IT.

WELL, THAT'S TRUE, SIR.

BUT, THERE'S BEEN A NEW BREAKTHROUGH IN HOME VIDEO MARKETING.

THERE HAS?YES.

INSTANT CASSETTES.

THEY'RE OUT IN STORES BEFORE THE MOVIE IS FINISHED.

NAH.

HERE IT IS, SIR! SPACEBALLS.

GOOD WORK, CORPORAL. PUNCH IT UP.

THAT'S MUCH TOO EARLY. PREPARE TO FAST-FORWARD.

PREPARING TO FAST-FORWARD.FAST-FORWARD!

FAST-FORWARDING, SIR.

NO, NO, NO, GO PAST THIS. PAST THIS PART.

IN FACT, NEVER PLAY THIS AGAIN.

TRY HERE. STOP.

WHAT THE HELLAM I LOOKING AT?

WHEN DOES THIS HAPPENIN THE MOVIE?

NOW. YOU'RE LOOKING AT NOW, SIR.

EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS NOW IS HAPPENING NOW.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THEN?WE PASSED THEN.

WHEN?JUST NOW.

WE'RE AT NOW, NOW.

GO BACK TO THEN.WHEN?

NOW.NOW?

I CAN'T.WHY?

WE MISSED IT.WHEN?

JUST NOW.

WHEN WILL THEN BE NOW?

SOON.

HOW SOON?

SIR! WE'VE IDENTIFIED THEIR LOCATION!

WHERE?IT'S THE MOON OF VEGA.

GOOD WORK. SET A COURSEAND PREPARE FOR OUR ARRIVAL.

WHEN?1900 HOURS, SIR.

BY HIGH NOON TOMORROW,THEY WILL BE OUR PRISONERS.

WHO?

NO, THANK YOU.I'M PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT.

TAKE IT, IT'S FREEZING.

IF YOU INSIST.

WON'T YOU BE COLD?

NO, COLD NEVER BOTHERS ME.

HUH.

I CAN'T SEEMTO FIND DRUIDIA.

IT'S RIGHT THERE.

WHERE?

IT'S RIGHT THERE.

IT'S THAT BRIGHT BLUE ONE RIGHT THERE. SEE?

OH, YEAH.BUT IT'S SO FAR A-AWAY.

DON'T WORRY, I'LL GET YOU THERE.

WHICH ONE'S YOURS?

WHO KNOWS?

YOU DON'T KNOWWHERE YOU'RE FROM?

NOT REALLY. I WAS FOUND ON THE DOORSTEP OF A MONASTERY.

A MONASTERY? WHERE?

SOMEWHERE IN THE FORD GALAXY.

WELL,DIDN'T THE MONKS TELL YOUWHO YOUR PARENTS WERE?

THEY COULDN'T. THEY TOOK A VOW OF SILENCE.

ALL I GOT WAS THIS. IT WAS AROUND MY NECK.

WHAT IS IT?I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE TAKEN IT TO EVERY WISE MAN IN THE UNIVERSE

AND NOBODY COULD TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

YOU KNOW, I...

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

SO, HOW COME YOU RAN AWAY FROM YOUR WEDDING?

WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW,I WASN'T IN LOVEWITH THE GROOM.

WHY WERE YOU GOING TO MARRY HIM?

BECAUSE I'M A PRINCESS,AND I HAVE TO MARRY A PRINCE.

AH!

AND HE DOESN'T DO IT FOR YOU, HUH?

NO, HE DOESN'T DO ITFOR ME.

I REALLY MUST GO BACK.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE RUN AWAY.

I REALIZE NOWTHAT LOVE IS ONE LUXURY

A PRINCESS CANNOT AFFORD.

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

I KNOW NOWTHAT I MUST LEARNTO LIVE WITHOUT LOVE.

I GUESS SO.

BESIDES,LOVE ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT.

NAH, IT NEVER WAS.

I COULD BE PERFECTLY HAPPYTHE REST OF MY LIFE WITHOUT

LOVE.

SURE YOU COULD.

WITHOUT PHYSICAL CONTACT.

YEAH.

WITHOUT BEING HELD.

YEAH.

OR KISSED.

ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!

WOMEN AND MAWGS FIRST!

WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT, MISTER.

HOW FAR DID HE GET? WHAT DID HE TOUCH? WHAT DID HE TOUCH?

NOTHING HAPPENED!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT NOISE?

THAT WAS MY VIRGIN ALARM.

IT'S PROGRAMMED TO GO OFF BEFORE YOU DO.

YOU GET BACK TO BED, MISS.

AND AS FOR YOU, SEX FIEND--

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. LET'S ALL JUST GET SOME SLEEP.

WE GOTTA GET MOVING BEFORE DAWN.

WHY SO EARLY?

BECAUSE WE'RE INTHE MIDDLE OF A DESERT,

AND WE AREN'T GONNA GET VERY FAR

ONCE THAT BLAZING SUNGETS OVERHEAD.

NICE DISSOLVE.

WATER. WATER.

WATER.

OIL. OIL.

ROOM SERVICE. ROOM SERVICE.

CHIEF, I'M DEAD.

I CAN'T--

I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER.

I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER.

COME ON, BARF, OLD BUDDY.

JUST ONE MORE DUNE TO GO.

NO!

YOU SAID THAT 3 DUNES AGO.

I GOT NO MORE LEFT.

OH, WAITER.CHECK, PLEASE.

MUST GO ON.

MUST GO ON.

MUST GO ON.

WHO AM I KIDDIN'?

DINK, DINK, DINK. DINK, DINK, DINK.

DINK, DINK, DINK. DINK, DINK, DINK.

DINK, DINK, DINK. DINK, DINK, DINK.

DINK, DINK, DINK.

DINK, DINK.DINK.

DINK! DINK, DINK!

THANKS, LITTLE GUY.

THANK YOU.

DINK, DINK.

DID I MISS SOMETHIN'?

WHEN DID WE GET TO DISNEYLAND?

I DON'T SEE THEM, SANDURZ.

I'VE SENT THE TROOPS ON AHEADTO VECTOR 78, SIR.

GOOD, LET'S GET MOVING.

YES, SIR. DRIVER,PREPARE TO MOVE OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU PREPARING?YOU'RE ALWAYS PREPARING.JUST GO.

JUST GO.YES, SIR.

SIR, SHOULDN'T YOU SIT DOWN?

DINK, DINK! DINK, DINK!

WHAT'RE THEY SAYIN'?

WELL, IT'S OBVIOUSTHEY WANT US TO GO WITH THEM.

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

IT LOOKS LIKE THE TEMPLE OF DOOM.

WELL, IT SURE AIN'TTEMPLE BETH ISRAEL.

COME ON. I THINK WE'D BETTER FOLLOW 'EM.

UH-OH, I THINKWE WOKE IT UP.

GOODBYE, FOLKS! LET ME KNOW HOW IT TURNS OUT.

COME BACK HERE, DOT!

COME ON.WE GOTTA KEEP GOIN'.

WE NEED YOU.

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NOW?

DON'T ASK.MAYBE IT WON'T.

BUT WHAT IF IT DOES?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M ALL FOR LEAVIN'.

I SAY WE GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW, OR IT WON'T BE GOOD.

SILENCE!

WHO DARES ENTER THE SACREDAND AWESOME PRESENCE

OF THE EVERLASTING KNOW-IT-ALL, YOGURT?

YOGURT?

YOU HEARD OF ME?

HEARD OF YOU?WHO HASN'T HEARD OF YOGURT?

YOGURT, THE WISE.

YOGURT, THE ALL-POWERFUL.

YOGURT, THE MAGNIFICENT.

PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T MAKE A FUSS.

I'M JUST PLAIN YOGURT.

BUT YOU'RE THE ONE--

YES.

I AM THE KEEPER OF A GREATER MAGIC,

A POWER KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE AS THE--

THE FORCE?

NO. THE SCHWARTZ.

THE SCHWARTZ!

YES, THE SCHWARTZ.

BUT, YOGURT,WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

WHAT IS ITTHAT YOU DO HERE?

MERCHANDISING.

MERCHANDISING? WHAT'S THAT?

MERCHANDISING.

COME, I'LL SHOW YOU. OPEN UP THE STORE.

COME! WALK THIS WAY.TAKE A LOOK.

WE PUT THE PICTURE'S NAMEON EVERYTHING!

MERCHANDISING, MERCHANDISING!

WHERE THE REAL MONEYFROM THE MOVIE IS MADE.

SPACEBALLS,THE T-SHIRT.

SPACEBALLS,THE COLORING BOOK.

SPACEBALLS,THE LUNCH BOX.

SPACEBALLS,THE BREAKFAST CEREAL.

SPACEBALLS,THE FLAMETHROWER.

THE KIDS LOVE THIS ONE.

LAST, BUT NOT LEAST,

SPACEBALLS,THE DOLL. ME.

MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU.

ADORABLE.

♪ HOT TOGETHER

♪ HOT, SO HOT TOGETHER

♪ BABY, WE COULD BE HOT

PRESIDENT SKROOB.

WHAT IS IT?

I HAVE AN URGENT MESSAGE FROM LORD HELMET.

HE'S LOST THE PRINCESS.

WHERE?

SOMEWHERE IN THE SANDS OF VEGA.

TELL THEM TO COMB THE DESERT.DO YOU HEAR ME?

COMB THE DESERT!

YES, SIR.

SIR?

WHAT?

ARE WE BEING TOO LITERAL?

NO, YOU FOOL. WE'RE FOLLOWING ORDERS.

WE WERE TOLD TO COMB THE DESERT, SO WE'RE COMBING IT.

FOUND ANYTHING YET?

NOTHING YET, SIR.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

NOT A THING, SIR.

WHAT ABOUT YOU GUYS?

WE AIN'T FOUND SHIT!

IT'S A BIG MYSTERY.

NONE OF THE WISE MENCOULD TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS.

WISE MEN, PSHAW.

WISE GUYS, YOU MEAN. WHAT DO THEY KNOW?

HERE, LET ME TAKE A LOOK.

YOU CAN READ IT!

NO, I WAS JUST CLEARING MY THROAT.

HERE, LET ME TAKE A...

AH.

OH, YES.

YES, YES, OF COURSE!

YOU UNDERSTAND IT?

YES.WHAT'S IT SAY?

I CANNOT TELL YOU THAT NOW.

IT SHALL BE REVEALED TO YOU AT THE PROPER TIME.

GREAT.

COME ON, DON'T BE DISAPPOINTED.

BACK TO YOUR SCHWARTZ TRAINING.

HERE, TAKE THE RING.

POINT IT AT THAT BIG STATUE.

OK.BUT I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND

HOW I'M GOING TOLIFT THAT BIG STATUEWITH THIS LITTLE RING.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE SCHWARTZ!

COME ON, CONCENTRATE! HERE WE GO!

CONCENTRATE.

LONE STARR, YOU'RE DOING IT!

YOU'RE DOING IT!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THE SCHWARTZ, IT'S WORKING!

YES! YES!

HEY, BOSS, HOW'D YOU DO THAT?

GIVE ME THE RING. GIVE ME THE RING, QUICK.

UPSY-DAISY!

SORRY, BARF.

KEEP SEARCHING.

IT'S NO USE, SIR.WE'VE SEARCHED EVERYWHERE.

WAIT.

I FEEL THE PRESENCE OF THE SCHWARTZ.

THE SCHWARTZ?YES.

IT'S COMING FROM SOMEWHERE

DOWN THERE.

YOU'RE RIGHT, SIR.THERE'S A SECRET ENTRANCEHERE.

AND LOOK AT THIS INSIGNIA.IT'S A "Y."

YOGURT!

YOGURT! I HATE YOGURT!

EVEN WITH STRAWBERRIES!

I'LL CALL FORTHE ATTACK SQUAD, SIR.

NO, NO, NO, WE CAN'T GO IN THERE. YOGURT HAS THE SCHWARTZ.

IT'S FAR TOO POWERFUL.

BUT, SIR, YOUR RING.

DON'T YOU HAVE THE SCHWARTZ,TOO?

NO, HE GOT THE UPSIDE. I GOT THE DOWNSIDE.

SEE, THERE'S 2 SIDES TO EVERY SCHWARTZ.

THEN HOW ARE WE GONNAGO IN THERE AND GET HER?

WE WILL NOT GO IN THERE.

SHE WILL COME OUT TO US.

VESPA.

VESPA, MY CHILD. WHERE ARE YOU?

DADDY?

VESPA, IT'S YOUR FATHER, KING ROLAND.

COME TO ME.

DADDY?

I HEAR YOU. I HEAR YOU. WHERE ARE YOU?

FOLLOW MY VOICE.

COME TO ME.

COME TO ME.

VESPA, W-WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

VESPA, COME TO ME.

DADDY. IS IT REALLY YOU?

YES, MY DEAR.

I GUARANTEE IT.

WOULD I LIE?

DADDY.

OH!

NO, VESPA, DON'T! VES--

NO.

FOOLED YOU.

TAKE THEM BOTH ABOARD AND PUT THE PRINCESS IN MY QUARTERS.

YES, SIR.

NOW SHE IS MINE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?

THEY'VE TAKEN THE PRINCESS.

SPACEBALLS. TOO LATE.

DON'T WORRY, BOSS. WE'LL GET HER BACK.

YEAH.

THANKS FOR THE GAS, YOGURT.

YOU'RE WELCOME. AND HERE!

JUST IN CASE YOU GET HUNGRY.

A FORTUNE COOKIE?

YES! REMEMBER, OPEN IT BEFORE YOU EAT IT.

THANKS.WELL, WE BETTER GET GOIN'.

I WONDER, WILL WE EVERSEE EACH OTHER AGAIN?

WHO KNOWS? GOD WILLING, WE'LL ALL MEET AGAIN

IN SPACEBALLS 2: THE SEARCH FOR MORE MONEY.

GOODBYE, LONE STARR.

GOODBYE, YOGURT.

THE RING OF THE SCHWARTZ!

NO, NO, I CAN'T TAKE THIS.

TAKE IT, TAKE IT. YOU MIGHT NEED IT.

THANKS.I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.

WISH ME LUCK.

DINK!

SO, PRINCESS VESPA,

AT LAST I HAVE YOU IN MY CLUTCHES

TO HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU THE WAY I WANT TO.

NO, PLEASE! LEAVE ME ALONE.

NO, YOU ARE MINE.

NOT SO FAST, HELMET.

LONE STARR.

YES, IT'S ME. I'M HERE TO SAVE MY GIRLFRIEND.

HI, HONEY.

NOW YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.

HEY, WHAT'D YOU DO TO MY FRIEND?

THE SAME THING I'M GOING TO DO TO YOU, BIG BOY.

AND YOU, TOO.

NOW, PRINCESS VESPA, AT LAST WE ARE ALONE.

NO, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU,I HATE YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE!

YET I FIND YOUSTRANGELY ATTRACTIVE.

OF COURSE YOU DO.

DRUISH PRINCESSES ARE OFTEN ATTRACTED TO MONEY AND POWER.

AND I HAVE BOTH. AND YOU KNOW IT.

OH, LEAVE ME ALONE!

NO, KISS ME!

NO! YES! NO!

NO!YES!

YOUR HELMET IS SO BIG.

LORD HELMET.WHAT?

YOU'RE NEEDED ON THE BRIDGE, SIR!

KNOCK ON MY DOOR.KNOCK NEXT TIME!

YES, SIR.

DID YOU SEE ANYTHING?NO, SIR.

I DIDN'T SEE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR DOLLS, AGAIN.

GOOD.

PRESIDENT SKROOB.

I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL MEON THIS WALL.

THIS IS AN UNLISTED WALL.

SORRY, SIR, BUT IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

THE PRINCESS HAS JUST BEEN BROUGHT TO YOUR OFFICE

AND LORD HELMET AND COL. SANDURZ ARE AWAITING YOU THERE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.TELL THEM I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

YES, SIR!

HELMET, YOU FIEND! WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?

PERMIT ME TO INTRODUCE

THE BRILLIANT YOUNG PLASTIC SURGEON,

DR. PHILLIP SCHLOTKIN.

THE GREATEST NOSE JOB MAN

IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND BEVERLY HILLS.

YOUR HIGHNESS.

NOSE JOB? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

SHE'S ALREADY HAD A NOSE JOB. IT WAS HER SWEET-16 PRESENT.

NO, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

IT'S MUCH, MUCH WORSE.

IF YOU DO NOT GIVE ME THE COMBINATION TO THE AIR SHIELD,

DR. SCHLOTKIN WILL GIVE YOUR DAUGHTER BACK HER OLD NOSE.

NO!

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL! I'LL TELL!

NO, DADDY, NO, YOU MUSTN'T!

YOU'RE RIGHT, MY DEAR.

I'LL MISS YOUR NEW NOSE.

BUT I WILL NOT TELL HIM THE COMBINATION, NO MATTER WHAT.

VERY WELL. DR. SCHLOTKIN, DO YOUR WORST.

MY PLEASURE.

NO! WAIT, WAIT!

I'LL TELL. I'LL TELL.

I KNEW IT WOULD WORK. ALL RIGHT, GIVE IT TO ME.

THE COMBINATION IS:

1.

1.1.

2.

2.2.

3.

3.3.

4.

4.4.

5.

5.5.

SO THE COMBINATION IS 1-2-3-4-5.

THAT'STHE STUPIDEST COMBINATIONI EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!

THAT'S THE KIND OF THINGAN IDIOT WOULD HAVEON HIS LUGGAGE!

THANK YOU, YOUR HIGHNESS.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

I TURNED OFF THE WALL.

NO, YOU TURNED OFFTHE WHOLE MOVIE.

I MUST HAVE PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTON.

PUT IT BACK ON,PUT THE MOVIE BACK ON!

YES, SIR. YES, SIR.

YOU GOTTA GET THAT THING FIXED.

WE'RE BACK!AND WE HAVE THE COMBINATION!

SCHLOTKIN!

WHAT?

WE'RE DONE WITH YOU.

GO BACK TO THE GOLF COURSE AND WORK ON YOUR PUTTS.

LET'S GO, ARNOLD.COME, GRETCHEN.

OF COURSE, YOU KNOWI'LL STILL HAVE TO BILL YOUFOR THIS.

I BET SHE GIVES GREAT HELMET.

WELL, DID IT WORK?WHERE'S THE KING?

IT WORKED, SIR.WE HAVE THE COMBINATION.

GREAT. NOW WE CAN TAKE EVERY LAST BREATH OF FRESH AIR

FROM PLANET DRUIDIA.

WHAT'S THE COMBINATION?

1-2-3-4-5.

1-2-3-4-5?

YES.

THAT'S AMAZING.I'VE GOT THE SAMECOMBINATION ON MY LUGGAGE.

PREPARE SPACEBALL ONEFOR IMMEDIATE DEPARTURE.

YES, SIR.

AND CHANGE THE COMBINATIONON MY LUGGAGE.

THERE IT IS. SPACEBALL CITY,STRAIGHT AHEAD.

GOOD, I'M TAKIN' HER IN.

HEY, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?

IT LOOKS LIKE A WINNEBAGOWITH WINGS.

JEEZ!

HEY, YOU CAN'T PARK HERE!

YEAH, CAN'T YOU GUYS READ? "NO PARKING."

THAT SON OF A...

ALL RIGHT, HANDS UP.

YOU'RE UNDER ARRESTFOR ILLEGAL PARKING.

YEAH!

WARDEN MILLER, WARDEN MILLER, YOU'RE WANTED IN V-17.

ATTENTION. ATTENTION. SECTION "C" SCANNERS, REPORT.

NAH!

SHE'S GOTTA BE IN ONE OF THESE CELLS.

YEAH, BUT WHICH ONE?

NO.NO.

♪ NOBODY KNOWS

IT'S COMING FROM HERE.

THAT CAN'T BE HER.

♪ THE TROUBLE I'VE SEEN

♪ NOBODY KNOWS BUT JESUS

IT'S HER.

♪ NOBODY KNOWS

♪ THE TROUBLE I'VE SEEN

SHE'S A BASS.

♪ GLORY HALLELUJAH

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

IT'S ME.

IT'S US.

LONE STARR. HOW DID YOU FIND US?OH! OH!

NO TIME TO TALK. COME ON.

WE GOTTA MOVE.

BARF! HOW'D YOU DO IT?

COME ON.

HEY!

THOSE ARE THE GUYSTHAT STOLE OUR UNIFORMS!

AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF US, TOO!

OH-OH! WE GOT COMPANY.

WATCH OUT!

DAMN IT! THAT'S OUR ONLY WAY OUT.

WE'RE TRAPPED.

OH, I HATETHESE MOVIES.

I'M OUT OF AMMO!

GET BACK! I'LL HOLD THEM OFF.

I GOT AN IDEA!

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

WHAT'S HE DOING?

GOOD WORK.

MORE PING-PONGS.RUN FOR IT.

LET'S GO!

IT'S CLOSING!

THE DOOR'S CLOSING!

GO FOR BROKE!

DON'T MOVE OR YOU'RE DEAD. STAND UP!

CAPTAIN, WE'VE GOT THEM.

SPECTACULAR STUNT, MY FRIENDS,BUT ALL FOR NAUGHT.

TURN AROUND, PLEASE.

AH, WHAT A PITY.WHAT A PITY.

SO, PRINCESS,

YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD OUTWITTHE IMPERIOUS FORCE OF...

YOU IDIOTS!

THESE ARE NOT THEM.

YOU'VE CAPTURED THEIR STUNT DOUBLES.

SEARCH THE AREA. FIND THEM!

FIND THEM!

HURRY UP. GET ABOARD. I'LL HOLD THEM OFF.

OPEN THE DOOR!

I CAN'T,IT'S FUSED.

WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?IT'S LOCKED.

WHERE ARE THE KEYS?INSIDE.

OH, GREAT!

DUCK!

HERE, YOU HOLD THEM OFF.I'LL GET THE DOOR.

I AIN'T SHOOTING THIS THING.I HATE GUNS.

MY HAIR. HE SHOT MY HAIR!

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

HOLY SHIT!

HOW WAS THAT?

NOT BAD.

NOT BAD FOR A GIRL.

HEY, THAT WAS PRETTY GOODFOR RAMBO!

LET'S BLOW THIS JOINT.

PRESIDENT SKROOB! SALUTE!

HAIL, SKROOB.

THE SHIP IS TOO BIG.

IF I WALK, THE MOVIE WILL BE OVER.

SIR.

YES? OH!

NEVER HAVE THAT DAMN THING DOWN IN FRONT OF ME.

HOW DO I KNOWYOU'RE NOT MAKING FACES AT MEUNDER THAT THING?

PRESIDENT SKROOB.YES?

THERE IT IS, PLANET DRUIDIA.

AH! PLANET DRUIDIA.

AND 10,000 YEARS OF FRESH AIR.

THE WAY HE RUNS THINGS, IT WON'T LAST 100.

WHAT?

PREPARING SHIPFOR METAMORPHOSIS, SIR.

GOOD. GET ON WITH IT.

READY, KAFKA?

LOOK, IT'S SPACEBALL ONE.

THEY'VE REACHED THE AIR SHIELD.

AND IT'S OPENING.

THE SHIP'S TOO BIG. THEY'LL NEVER GET THROUGH.

HOW ARE THEYGONNA GET THE AIR OUT?

I DON'T SEE ANY HOSESOR ANYTHING.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

THE SHIP. CHANGING.

OH, MY GOSH.IT'S NOT JUST A SPACESHIP.

IT'S A TRANSFORMER.

IT'S CHANGING INTO...

A GIGANTIC...

MAID!

WITH A VACUUM CLEANER.

SO THAT'S HOW THEY'RE GONNA GET THE AIR OUT.

METAMORPHOSIS COMPLETED, SIR.

SPACEBALL ONE HAS NOW BECOME...

MEGAMAID.

GOOD!

REMARKABLE.

NOW, COMMENCE OPERATION VACU-SUCK.

SUCK. SUCK. SUCK!

GOODBYE, LITTLE VESPA.

MY LITTLE BABY VESPA.

THE AIR BAG, IT'S ALMOST FULL.

WHAT DO WE DO?

WE'VE GOTTA ACT FAST.

STEP ONE: WE REVERSE THE VACUUM

AND BLOW THE AIR BACK ONTO THE PLANET.

STEP 2: WE DESTROY THAT THING.

BUT ISN'T THAT DANGEROUS?

EXTREMELY.

PLUS, I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL WE'RE GONNA DO IT.

WHAT ABOUT THAT RINGYOGURT GAVE YOU?

OH, YEAH. BUT...

COME ON, BOSS. GIVE IT A SHOT!

OK. HERE GOES NOTHIN'.

LOOK AT THAT.

WOW!

IT'S--IT'S WORKING.

COME ON, SCHWARTZ!

COME ON, SCHWARTZ! COME ON, SCHWARTZ!

HELMET, WHAT'S GOING ON?

SANDURZ, WHAT'S GOING ON?

IT'S MEGAMAID.

SHE'S GONEFROM SUCK TO BLOW.

WHAT? THEY'RE GETTING ALL THEIR AIR BACK. DO SOMETHING.

DO SOMETHING!

DO SOMETHING!

I'M BREATHING.

AIR.

AIR!

DIM THE LIGHTS.

DIMMING THE LIGHTS.

GO TO INFRARED.

GOING TO INFRARED.

PRAY TO GOD.

PRAYING TO GOD.

CAREFUL. CAREFUL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

SCANNING.

THERE'S GOTTA BE A SELF-DESTRUCT MECHANISM

SOMEWHERE IN THE CENTRAL BRAIN AREA.

I THINK WE JUST FOUND IT.

WHERE?

WATCH.

BINGO! THERE IT IS.

IT'S RIGHT BELOW US.

PUT HER IN HOVER, BARF.

PUTTING HER IN HOVER.

I'M GOING DOWN THERE.

HE'S GOING DOWN THERE.

I WOULDN'T.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN'?

THE VULCAN NECK PINCH?

NO, NO, NO, STUPID.YOU GOT IT MUCH TOO HIGH.

IT'S DOWN HEREWHERE THE SHOULDERMEETS THE NECK.

LIKE THIS?

YEAH.

THANKS.

HAND PRINT IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE.

HAND PRINT IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE.

HAND PRINT IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE.

HAND PRINT--

THANKS AGAIN.

IS THAT YOU, MYLAR?

WHO ARE YOU?WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?

THIS!

SWEET DREAMS.

NOT SO FAST, LONE STARR.

HELMET.

SO. AT LAST WE MEET FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR THE LAST TIME.

BEFORE YOU DIE,

THERE IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT US, LONE STARR.

WHAT?

I AM YOUR FATHER'S BROTHER'S NEPHEW'S COUSIN'S FORMER ROOMMATE.

WHAT'S THAT MAKE US?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

WHICH IS WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO BECOME.

PREPARE TO DIE.

YOU HAVE THE RING, AND I SEE YOUR SCHWARTZ IS AS BIG AS MINE.

NOW LET'S SEE HOW WELL YOU HANDLE IT.

UM, HE DID IT.

WHAT?

SHIT! I HATE IT WHEN I GET MY SCHWARTZ TWISTED.

OK. MAYBE IF I PUT MY LEG UP ON YOURS,

YOU KNOW, WE COULD SCOOT APART, LIKE...

GOOD. YEAH, ON 3. 1, 2, 3, GO!

OH.

SO, LONE STARR, YOGURT HAS TAUGHT YOU WELL.

IF THERE'S ONE THING I DESPISE, IT IS A FAIR FIGHT.

BUT IF I MUST, THEN I MUST.

MAY THE BEST MAN WIN.

PUT HER THERE.

THE RING!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK.

WHAT A GOOF!

WHAT'S WITH YOU, MAN? COME ON.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

HERE, LET ME GIVE IT BACK TO YOU.

OH! OH, LOOK AT THAT! YOU FELL FOR THAT, TOO.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, MAN.

SO, LONE STARR, NOW YOU SEE THAT EVIL WILL ALWAYS TRIUMPH

BECAUSE GOOD IS DUMB.

VERY IMPRESSIVE, LONE STARR.

TOO BAD THIS ISN'T THE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS.

USE THE SCHWARTZ, LONE STARR.

USE THE SCHWARTZ.

I CAN'T. I LOST THE RING.

FORGET THE RING. THE RING IS BUPKIS.

I FOUND IT IN A CRACKER JACK BOX.

THE SCHWARTZ IS IN YOU, LONE STARR.

IT'S IN YOU.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL TRY.

SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR 2 BEST FRIENDS.

AND I DON'T MEAN YOUR PALS IN THE WINNEBAGO.

THANK YOU FOR PRESSING THE SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON.

THIS SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 3 MINUTES.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?PARIS?

THANK YOU FOR PRESSING THE SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON.

THIS SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT

IN EXACTLY 2 MINUTES AND 45 SECONDS.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP IT.

IS THERE ANY WAYTO STOP IT?

I CAN'T. IT'S IRREVERSIBLE.

LIKE MY RAINCOAT.

ATTENTION, THIS IS COL. SANDURZ IN FORWARD COMMAND.

ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!

ALL PERSONNEL PROCEED TO ESCAPE PODS.

CLOSE DOWN THE CIRCUS. EVACUATE THE ZOO.

THE SELF-DESTRUCT MECHANISM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED.

ABANDON SHIP.

SANDURZ. SANDURZ,YOU GOTTA HELP ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS.I'M A PRESIDENT!

THIS IS YOUR 2-MINUTE WARNING.

THIS SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN EXACTLY 2 MINUTES.

LAUNCH ALL ESCAPE PODS AS SOON AS THEY ARE FILLED.

WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHERE IS HE?

♪ SPACEBALLS

♪ WATCH OUT

WHERE IS HE?HERE.

WE'VE GOT A MINUTE AND 40BEFORE THE END OF THE WORLD.HANG ON.

♪ SPACEBALLS

FULL THROTTLE.FULL THROTTLE.

GO TO HYPER-JETS!

GOING TO HYPER-JETS.

♪ IF YOU'RE LIVIN' IN A BUBBLE AND YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CARE ♪

HEY, GET OUT OF THERE. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

PIZZA TO GO!

♪ THEN YOU'RE GONNA BE IN TROUBLE 'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA STEAL YOUR AIR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WHAT YOU GOT IS WHAT WE NEED ♪

♪ AND ALL WE DO IS DIRTY DEEDS ♪

♪ WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS!

♪ WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS

HEY, HEY, HEY. THAT'S MY ESCAPE POD. WHO ARE YOU?

I'M THE BEARDED LADY.

WHAT ARE YOU, ONE OF THE FREAKS?

COME BACK! THAT'S MY POD!

NO!

COME BACK, YOU FAT, BEARDED BITCH!

ONE POD LEFT. AND 3 OF US.

AND I'M THE PRESIDENT.

WELL, BOYS,IT'S A VERY LOVELY SHIP.

I THINK YOU SHOULD GO DOWN WITH IT.

GOODBYE!

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THIS SEAT BELT?

THIS SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 20 SECONDS.

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO PUSH THE CANCELLATION BUTTON.

CANCELLATION BUTTON?HURRY!

♪ SPACEBALLS

WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT?

IT'S GOTTA BE HERE.

OUT OF ORDER?

FUCK! EVEN IN THE FUTURE NOTHIN' WORKS.

THIS SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN EXACTLY 10 SECONDS.

COUNTING DOWN.

10. 9.

8. 6.

6? WHAT HAPPENED TO 7?

JUST KIDDING.

THERE'S THE OTHER END. FASTER!

6. 5. 4.

3. 2. 1.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

THANK YOU.

WE DID IT!

WE ALL DID IT.

SO, I GUESS YOU MIGHT CALL THAT A CASE OF MAN BITES DROID?

ON A SADDER NOTE,

PIZZA THE HUTT FAMED HALF MAN, HALF PIZZA,

WAS FOUND DEAD EARLIER TODAY,

IN THE BACK SEAT OF HIS STRETCHED LIMO.

EVIDENTLY, THE NOTORIOUS GANGSTER

BECAME LOCKED IN HIS CAR AND ATE HIMSELF TO DEATH.

COMING UP, PONGO'S REVIEW OFROCKY 5,000.

PONGO.

WHOEVER SAID WHEN YOU'VE SEEN...

DID YOU HEAR THAT? PIZZA KICKED THE BUCKET.

NOW WE DON'T HAVE TOPAY HIM THE MILLION.

WE CAN KEEP ITFOR OURSELVES.

YEAH.

DADDY! OH, DADDY!

OH, VESPA, MY DARLING.

I THOUGHTI'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN.

OH, MY SWEET LITTLE DAUGHTER.

I'M SO HAPPYTHAT YOU'RE HOME AND SAFE.

AND, LITTLE VESPA,

HERE'S SOMEONE ELSEWHO'S HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

OH, HELLO.WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

THANKS, HON.

♪ HELLO, BABY

HIYA, BIG STUFF. HI, DREAM.

WHAT WILL YOU HAVE?

WE JUST GOT A COUPLE MINUTESWHILE WE'RE GASSING UP.WHAT'S READY?

I CAN GIVE YOU THE SPACE SOUP,OR THE SPACE SPECIAL.

UM, I'LL HAVE THE SOUP.

OK.

I'LL HAVE THE CLEAVAGE. UH, SPECIAL.

OK, ONE SPECIAL AND ONE SOUP.

READY TO ORDER?

HI, YES.

WE'LL BOTHHAVE THE LUNAFISH.

OH, ANYTHING TO DRINK?

HEY, HEY. WATCH WHEREYOU'RE STICKIN' THAT THING.

HUH? OH, LOOK, IT'S GOTA MIND OF ITS OWN, SWEETHEART.

I CAN'T DO A THING WITH IT.

WHAT?

SO, WE WERE LOST.

NONE OF US KNEW WHERE WE WERE.

AND THEN HARRY BEGAN FEELIN' AROUND ON ALL THE TREES.

THEN HE SAID, "I GOT IT. WE ON PLUTO."

AND WE SAY, "HARRY, HOW CAN YOU TELL?"

HE SAID, "FROM THE BARK, YOU DUMMIES."

FROM THE BARK.

IS HE ALL RIGHT?

OH, YEAH, YEAH. THE GUY DIGS ME.

HEY, WHAT'S WRONGWITH THIS GUY?

I DON'T KNOW.

BRING HIM SOME WATER!

WATER, MY ASS!

BRING THIS GUY SOME PEPTO-BISMOL!

WAITRESS! WAITRESS! WHAT DID HE ORDER?

OH, HE HAD THE SPECIAL.

THAT'S WHAT I ORDERED.

CHANGE MY ORDER TO THE SOUP.

GOOD MOVE.

OH, NO. NOT AGAIN!

♪ HELLO, MY BABY, HELLO, MY HONEY ♪

♪ HELLO, MY RAGTIME GAL

♪ SEND ME A KISS BY WIRE

♪ BABY, MY HEART'S ON FIRE

♪ IF YOU REFUSE ME

♪ HONEY, YOU'LL LOSE ME

♪ THEN YOU'LLBE LEFT ALONE ♪

♪ OH BABY, TELEPHONEAND TELL ME I'M YOUR OWN ♪

CHECK, PLEASE.

5 MINUTES TO MAGIC TIME.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MY DEAR?

YOU LOOK A LITTLE FLIGHTY.

DON'T WORRYABOUT ME, FATHER.

I'M COMPLETELY OVER HIM.

HUH! DIDN'T EVEN STAYFOR THE WEDDING.

JUST GRABBEDHIS MILLION SPACE BUCKSAND RAN.

HE DIDN'T TAKE THE MILLION.

HE DIDN'T?

NO. HE JUST TOOK 248 SPACE BUCKS FOR LUNCH, GAS, AND TOLLS.

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVEYOU TURNED DOWN THE MONEY.

AT LEAST WE COULD HAVESTAYED FOR THE WEDDING FEAST.

I'M STARVIN'.

HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHINGTO EAT?

NAH.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOGURT GAVE ME THAT FORTUNE COOKIE.

HERE, CHOW DOWN.

WOW, THANKS.I'LL SPLIT IT WITH YOU.

NO.

OK.

YOGURT!

HELLO, BOYS.

WELL, YOU OPENED YOUR FORTUNE COOKIE,

SO HERE'S YOUR FORTUNE.

LONE STARR, YOU KNOW THAT MEDALLION

THAT YOU WEAR AROUND YOUR NECK,

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS?

WELL, HERE'S WHAT IT MEANS.

IT'S A ROYAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

YES! YOUR FATHER WAS A KING.

YOUR MOTHER WAS A QUEEN.

WHICH MAKES YOU A CERTIFIED PRINCE.

HEY, I'M A PRINCE!

I'M A PRINCE. WHICH MEANS--

WHICH MEANS, IF YOU HURRY,

THERE COULD BE A PRINCESS IN YOUR FUTURE.

NOW IF YOU WANT TO GET BACK THERE

BEFORE SHE MARRIES SLEEPING BEAUTY,

THERE'S A SPECIAL CAN OF FUEL IN YOUR GLOVE COMPARTMENT.

GOOD LUCK, BOYS.

BYE, YOGURT.

AND, YOGURT, THANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

AND MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU!

OH, WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD--

BARF, OPEN THAT GLOVE COMPARTMENT.

YOU GOT IT,YOUR HIGHNESS.

WOW! LIQUID SCHWARTZ!

QUICK, POUR IT IN THE EMERGENCY TANK.

RIGHT.

LOOK AT THAT.

DONE!

HANG ON, BARF, WE'RE GONNA MAKE SPACETRACKS.

DEAR ME, WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS COMING OUT OF HER NOSE?

HEY, HEY. WATCH MY HELMET.

SPACEBALLS?

OH, SHIT. THERE GOES THE PLANET.

DEARLY BELOVED,WE ARE GATHERED HERE TOGETHER

AGAIN.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL MEHE DIDN'T TAKE THE MONEY?

I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS IMPORTANT.

MAY I CONTINUE, PLEASE?

BESIDES, HE ASKED ME NOT TO TELL YOU.

THANK YOU.

TO JOIN PRINCESS VESPAAND PRINCESS VALIUM...

I'M SORRY, IT'S THE HAIR.

PRINCE VALIUM

IN THE BONDS OF HOLY MATRIMONY.

I SEE IT ALL NOW.DON'T YOU SEE? HE LOVES ME!

EXCUSE ME. I'M TRYINGTO CONDUCT A WEDDING HERE,

WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE. PLEASE BE QUIET.

I'M SORRY.I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, TOO.

DON'T BE SORRY. BE QUIET!

I'M SORRY!

TO JOIN PRINCESS VESPA AND PRINCE VALIUM

IN THE BONDS OF HOLY

MOLY!

UH, MATRIMONY.

THAT'S HIM! I KNOWIT'S HIM. HE'S COME BACK.

THAT'S IT! I'M GONNA TAKENO MORE CHANCES

BUT TO MAKE A SHORT VERSION.

PRINCE VALIUM,DO YOU TAKE PRINCESS VESPA

TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE?UH-HUH.

PRINCESS VESPA,DO YOU TAKE PRINCE VALIUM

TO BE YOURLAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND?

UH, WELL, I--I SUPPOSE.

WELL... OH, I DON'T KNOW.

NO! SHE DOESN'T!

WHAT?

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

PRINCE LONE STARR.

PRINCE?

I JUST FOUND OUT. THAT'S WHAT THIS SAYS.

I'M AN HONEST TO GOD PRINCE.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

WELL, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.

YES.

I'M SICK OF THIS.

I DON'T GIVE A DAMNWHO IT IS,

BUT I'M GONNA MARRYSOMEBODY TODAY!

WHO ARE YOU?I'M THE BEST MAN.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?BARF.

YOUR FULL NAME.

BARFOLOMEW.

ARE YOU THE ONE THAT'S GETTING MARRIED?NO.

THEN GET OVER THERE!

OK, HERE WE GO.THE SHORT, SHORT VERSION.

DO YOU?

YES.

DO YOU?YES!

GOOD. YOU'RE MARRIED. KISS HER.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

WELL, GOODBYE, VIRGIN ALARM.

♪ IF YOU'RE LIVIN' IN A BUBBLE AND YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CARE ♪

♪ WELL YOU'RE GONNA BE IN TROUBLE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA STEAL YOUR AIR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WHAT YOU GOT IS WHAT WE NEED ♪

♪ AND ALL WE DO IS DIRTY DEEDS ♪

♪ WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS

♪ WATCH OUT! WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ♪

♪ WE'RE THE MASTERS OF SPACE

♪ HEY, DON'T MESS AROUND

♪ WITH THE SPACEBALLS

♪ GOING CRUISING IN A SPACESHIP ♪

♪ WE'RE SO GOOD AT BEING BAD

♪ WE'LL DESTROY YOUR LITTLE PLANET IF YOU EVER GET US MAD ♪

♪ WE'RE MOTHERS OF THE GALAXY ♪

♪ YOU BETTER SCATTER WHEN YOU SEE ♪

♪ THE SPACEBALLS!

♪ WATCH OUT! WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ♪

♪ WE'RE THE MASTERS OF SPACE

♪ SAY WHAT? DON'T MESS AROUND ♪

♪ WITH THE SPACEBALLS

♪ WATCH OUT!

♪ WE'RE MOTHERS OF THE GALAXY ♪

♪ WE'RE GONNA TAKE THE AIR YOU BREATHE ♪

♪ OH, SPACEBALLS!

♪ WATCH OUT!

♪ WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS

♪ WE'RE THE MASTERS OF SPACE

♪ DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THE SPACEBALLS ♪

♪ DUCK! WATCH OUT!

♪ WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS

♪ WE'RE THE MASTERS OF SPACE

♪ DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THE SPACEBALLS ♪

♪ WATCH OUT!

♪ WE'VE GOT A BOSSIN' LITTLE SHIP ♪

♪ SO YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR LIP ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ♪

♪ WATCH OUT!

♪ YOU MAY THINK THAT YOU ARE BAD ♪

♪ BUT BELIEVE YOU CAN BE HAD

♪ BY THE SPACEBALLS

♪ WATCH OUT!

♪ WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS

♪ WATCH OUT!

♪ WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS

♪ WE'RE THE MASTERS OF SPACE

♪ DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THE SPACEBALLS ♪

♪ WE'RE SO BAD AND MEAN

♪ WE MAKE NIGHTMARES OUT OF DREAMS ♪

♪ WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS

♪ WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS

♪ YOU BETTER

♪ WATCH OUT!