Original subtitles

Good evening and welcome to Worm News.

I'm your host, William Worm.

Yes, and I'm Wendy Worm.

Yes, we know. First up, an election update.

Squiggly Miggly narrowly clenched the nomination today,

making him the main rival to the

highly unpopular President Jimble.

Squiggly Miggly's definitely going to win.

President Jimble has no chance.

You never know, Allan.

After all, President Ross Perot won

re-election in 1996 in a major upset.

Oh, you're so right, Pim.

I forgot about that factoid.

Who are you going to vote for, Charlie?

I don't vote.

OK, I'll tell you why right now, Pim.

Listen up very carefully.

Little guys like you and me were called ..

and we don't decide who the President is.

Come on, Charlie. That's silly.

Every single vote matters.

Look, I'm just not interested in getting involved in politics,

Okay? Sorry.

Hey, boys,

guess who just got a call to make the Preside..

The President will see you now.

We do need corn, you dumb motherfucker!

Send bombs, not corn, BOMBS!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I, uh...

You suck! You're bad at what you do!

Quit Motherfucker! QUIT!

Good to speak to you, too.

Thank you. You're terrific.

Oh, oh, hi.

Are you two here to bring me my napkins?

No.

Okay, let me just buzz in..

Mr. President, we're the Smiling Friends.

Oh, you's are the two... two's I called.

I don't know if you heard,

but I was the Vice President to, uh...

President Pinhead.

He died last month from a bad shrimp,

and I became the President.

Yeah, we know.

It was literally the bad shrimp.

Tragedy.

But now I'm friggin' miserable

since I became the President.

All these trolls keep hating me,

and I don't... I don't know why.

Dude, no offence or anything, but have you ever thought

that maybe you should not be President

and maybe you should, like, I don't know,

go lay on a beach or something instead and chill out?

I can't.

This upcoming election is by one ..

to prove I'm not a fluke.

I want to win something for once in my life

so people will finally like me.

President Jimble,

it doesn't matter how you got this job.

What matters now is that you're

the one sitting behind that beautiful brown desk,

and I believe that's destiny.

Plenty of Presidents were unpopular until

they found out they were good at one specific thing.

We just need to find out what your thing is,

and you'll definitely beat Squiggly Miggly.

Yeah.

You're sayin', I can be the lamb president.

No, I mean, like, policy,

like, presidential stuff.

What?

Um, anyway, luckily it's just a two-man race,

so it shouldn't be too complicated.

Uh, guys,

I don't know a..

It's no secret that President Jimble's A..

is poor, angry and divided.

That's why Mr Frog is running for President.

America needs his calm and steady

leadership to build a safer America.

A prosperous America,

a stronger America.

Vote for Mr Frog,

and together we can build

Mr Frog's America.

Hello, I'm Mr Frog and I approve this message.

No, I don't. I hate you. Fuck you.

Pim, That was amazing. I just got goose pimples from watching that.

Charlie, don't look at that.

Sir, have you ever tried giving a rousing speech

and inspiring the people?

Maybe it's your hidden talent.

I feel nauseous.

Nah, it's just your nerves talking, man.

You'll be fine.

Hello, Transylvania!

I know most of you don't like me, but I'm here to ..

I can talk good and give a good speech.

Oh. Excuse me.

I think that lamb I had earlier was rotten.

Okay, perfect.

That adult diaper should help with any...

unfortunate accidents while you're, ah, feeling unwell.

Can we stop and get more lamb for lunch?

No, no more lamb.

Pim, did you see Mr Frog just announced his plan

to fix the economy?

Man, he is good.

Grr, I'll show that toad bastard

an ergonomic plan!

Hello, America.

I'm going to be the money president.

Each and every one of you are going to get

one billion dollars each

so you can all be rich.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

You can't do that. You'll crash the economy.

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to do that.

Everybody's going to have to give

back all that money to the government.

By the way, sorry about those loud noises.

That was just my diaper.

I don't want to have another accident from the bad lamb.

All better.

Dude, check the news.

It doesn't matter what channel.

Am I winning yet?

No, no, not at all, man.

You shit your pants and crashed the economy

within the same day.

What are you talking about, dude?

Pim - Look, the one thing you've still got over

Mr Frog is is that you're actually in office.

If we can just get you this one easy

foreign policy win, we can make a comeback.

I'm feeling sick again.

Oh, my God, dude!

Just get through it quickly. You'll be ..

Guys, I did it. I did it.

I didn't get sick from the soured lamb.

You... you were supposed to condemn him.

What?

You just emboldened a war criminal dictator.

Dude, I don't know anything about politics,

even I know he's bad.

He wiped a whole fucking race of

people off the face of the planet.

Maybe it will be all right.

All right, so it looks like you're projected to

lose every single state

in what could be a historic landslide for Mr Frog.

But we still have the debate, I guess.

De-bate.

Haha. Debate.

If you think about it, that's a funny word.

De-bate.

Thank you.

Pim, I can't do this anymore. I'm done.

I'm bailing.

All right.

Who was that guy?

What?

Ugh, maybe we should..

Look, I know my brain don't work no good sometimes,

but what about all that stuff you told me?

I promise I'll get out there and try my hardest this time.

Yeah, you're right.

No, I'm left.

Left-handed.

Man, this place is a labyrinth.

How the hell do I get out of here?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to find my way out of here.

That's okay. We're just an all-powerful

secret society that you shouldn't know about.

We're just implementing our insane secret plan to elect Mr Frog

through mass media manipulation.

I knew it. I knew the voters didn't

actually pick the president.

Yes, and now that you know our plan,

we're going to cover you in dirt

and slowly devour you because we're worms.

No, I'm actually cool with your guy's plan,

the current guy's a bonehead.

Oh, really? Cool.

Yeah, Mr Frog's chaos is exactly what we need to

expand our power. Join us.

Sorry, I can't betray my friend. He's helping President Jimble.

But I really am a big fan of Mr Frog, like a huge fan.

I love when he eats the bug on the show.

He -- He does what?

Yeah, you know, when he grabs the

bug on the Mr Frog show and eats it,

it's like his whole thing.

Oh my God! Aren't we a type of bug?

Wait, stop! Wait, stop!

Everyone just stop! Let's just make sure.

Do frogs eat worms?

Yes, yes they do!

Oh my God, that's TOO much chaos!

We're totally going to support President Jimble now.

He doesn't eat worms, he only eats lamb.

Wait, no, no, no, no, no!

Decisions final.

Goodbye.

Good evening. I'm William Worm.

Before we begin, we have just received word that

Squiggly Miggly will not be attending tonight's debate

due to the fact he blew his head off with a 3D printed shotgun.

We want to remind the audience to please not,

ah, talk out loud,

do not applaud.

You're just wasting time.

Now, our first question tonight goes to Mr Frog.

Mr Frog, why are you so evil?

You have one second to respond.

Hello, I think--

Time's up, plus you're wrong.

The next question is for our

beloved and highly intelligent president.

Why are you so amazing?

You have unlimited time to respond.

Oh, p-p-presidential...

p-p-p-p

policy, I--

I can't do this.

A little pink guy once told me I needed to

find out what I would be good at as president.

I've finally figured it out.

I'm the president who shouldn't have been the president.

Let's face it, I'm a --

retard.

You know, I always used to want to,

to win the election and have people like me,

but I don't care about that any more now.

I just want to be honest, and everyone

that trolled me and gave me nasty messages.

Fuck you!

Fuck off!

JAG-OFF!

Thank you.

That answer...

was correct!

JIM-BLE! JIM-BLE! JIM-BLE! JIM-BLE! JIM-BLE! JIM-BLE!

When do the results start coming in?

Next few minutes. I got 10 G's says

Jimble's gonna win, and if he doesn't--

Then I'll take matters into my own hands.

Ha ha! I'm just kidding!

I'll do it, though.

I'm just playing, dude.

No, I'm serious.

But no, I'll actually do it.

Hey, Pim, sorry about bailing the other day, man.

I guess I'm not really cut out for politics.

No, it's fine, Charlie. Everything ended up working out.

I don't know if President Jimble is gonna win, but something

about that debate really turned things around.

Yeah, well, you know, it kind of reminds me how Shrimpo Jones

won those debates by surprise

and went onto landslide in 1980.

Oh, Charlie, look at you with the political facts now.

Yeah, well, hey, man, who knows?

Maybe you're the one that got me into politics.

Oh, okay, good!

Getting political! I see a new Charlie! Oooo! Ahh!

I've seen you, Charlie!

Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha!

Shut up! The results are coming in.

And now for an election update.

Mr Frog and President Jimble are in a virtual tie.

The only state yet to be called is the state

of Pennsylvania with its 19 electoral votes.

Whoever takes this state will be our next president.

Oh, my God!

Jimble could really win this!

Uh, breaking. We're just getting this now.

Ah, the state of Pennsylvania has just been

called for Mr Frog by one single vote,

making Mr Frog the president-elect of the United States.

Oh, this can't be right.

Don’t look at me, I don’t know w..

Wait, what?

And we're getting conf..

the one single vote was from this guy.

We're putting his name, face address and

social security number on screen for our millions of viewers now.

Glep, What the fuck.

Dude? Why?

Well, whatever I do now is on Glep.

Glep, why would you vote for Mr Frog?

Our job was to help President Jimble.

Oh, okay, yeah. Good point.

That makes sense. That's fair. Yeah, yeah, okay.

This is the life.