All language subtitles for RuPauls Drag Race All Stars S09E06 The National Drag Convention Roast 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DD

Previously on "All Stars"...

I didn't just pick you
to get snipped tonight, girl.

It was a dual thing.

I still love you, girl.

Bitch, bullshit.
I don't buy it.

For this week's
All-Star Challenge,

you need to drag up
real estate commercials.

Do you have no credit?

Who cares?

This was a tour de force.

This was outrageous.

The top two
All Stars of the week

are Plastique
and Roxxxy Andrews.

Shit.

You each earned a
Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

This is your chance to win
$10,000 for your charity

and cut off
one of your fellow queens

from receiving a Beautiful
Benefactress Badge.

Next week... Roxxxy
Andrews, condragulations.

You're a winner, baby.

With great power comes
great responsibility.

No, no, no, no. Wait.

Just because of badges,
I'll pick Mik.

- Ms. Kitty.
- Girl.

What an emotional day.

Oy.

I'm at the top of the pack, now.

Like, who would have thought?

It's like, I wanna be happy
and jumping for joy,

but cutting off Mik
has broken my heart.

It's a part of the game,
but it's fucking hard.

- Congratulations, Roxxxy.
- Yes, congratulations.

Congratulations.

To both of y'all,
turning it out.

Yeah.

Honestly, I don't want
anybody in the predicament

that I just had.

I didn't wanna snip anybody.

Mik was just the only
possibility in my mind.

And I fucking live for her, man.

I'm such a fan of her work.

But at the end of the day,
we're here for our charity,

sis, and that's the
most important thing.

I know, girl, but it's not easy.

Girl, if it was me,
I would have these scissors

out like it was candy, bitch.

Everybody's getting a piece
if I was at the top.

I just hope she forgives me.

Hey, gorge.

Hey, sis.

I'm so sorry.

Gonna sit here.

- We saved this seat.
- Well.

Roxxxy is just the saddest
front-runner I've ever seen.

Mik, I'm honestly so sorry.

The only choices I went
off of was the badges.

I was trying to make it
as fair as I could.

And Angie, when them scissors
landed on yo punk ass, I said,

there is no way.

I'm not cutting Angeria.

The whole room went like...

I literally choked.

But, no, let me just say this.

If I would have got cut
a third time this early,

I'd be lying if I
didn't say it would

have kind of made me question
whether it was personal.

Correct.

And I didn't want you
to feel like that.

Roxxxy, no tea,
but you knew where you were.

There's no way...

- No, I told...
- You were like this.

You were like, I don't
know where anyone is.

I never opened my eyes.

And then you were like this,
and you're like, it's Angeria.

I don't know, per se,

if I fully buy that

Roxxxy didn't know
where I was in the room.

All I know is
there are so many emotions

and conspiracy theories
going on in my head, girl.

And I'm like, my God.

I don't know who to
listen to, what to do.

I don't know.

I went like this when
y'all all walked up,

and I said, fuck it.

Wherever I land,
I'm just gonna snip.

You really promise?

I swear to you,
when you watch it...

That's crazy!

That's insane.

Like, to me, it just
felt like you saw it,

and then you heard our reactions

and then were like,
well, I can't do this.

I would hope that
the girls are believing me.

But I know queens.

Christmas has come early.

Let's get out of drag.

I know these hoes
see my three badges,

and they are looking for
any excuse to take me down.

You got three badges, bitch.

Bitch, it came at a price.

I done fucked around,
and I'm a target.

I gotta be a target.

Well, they finna
snip snip a bitch.

Let's get messy up in here.

Get off me.

Get off me. Let go.

That's an example of
what's coming for you.

The winner of "RuPaul's
Drag Race All Stars" receives

a one-year supply of Anastasia
Beverly Hills Cosmetics,

a coveted spot in the
Drag Race Hall of Fame,

and a $200,000 donation

to the charity of their choice,

courtesy of The Palette Fund,

with extra-special
guest judge Ruta Lee.

Sisters.

Good morning.

It's a new day in the Werk Room.

Top eight!

Top eight! Top eight!

The birds are chirping.

I'm feeling gayer than before,
which is crazy.

You think you're gonna
get your badge this week?

Bitch, yeah,
but we don't even know

what this week's challenge is.

It's gonna be a dance challenge

or some shit again.
- I hope.

I don't know.
I know you do.

Hello, hello, hello, hello.

Hey.

Yes.

Good morning, ladykins.

Good morning.

You know, in an election year,

the most important thing
any of us can do is vote.

Now, as we remind our viewers
at the end of every episode,

you can go to vote. gov
to register to vote.

In fact, you can
do it right now.

Go ahead. We'll wait.

Hey.

Register to vote.

- Register to vote...
- At vote.gov.

Register to vote at vote.gov.

Register to vote at vote.gov.

At vote.gov.

Vote.gov.

Register to vote at vote.gov.

Now, in that spirit,
for today's Mini Challenge,

I'm conducting a straw poll

designed to reveal the tea,

the whole tea,
and nothing but the tea.

No, ma'am.

And we are providing
poll workers.

Yes, bring them out,
bring them out.

Pit crew.

Hi.

All Stars, here's how
our straw poll works.

I'll ask a question like,

which queen is most likely
to sleep through election day?

Okay.

You answer the question
by choosing a fellow queen

or choosing yourself.

Each time your answer matches
the majority of the group,

you get a point.

In the end, the queen
with the most points wins.

And today, the winner receives
$2,500 for her charity

and one Beautiful Benefactress
Badge.

- What?
- What?

Come on for the Mini Challenge.

Only in America, kids.

Only in America.

Let the straw poll begin.

First question...
which queen is most likely

to run for president?

My gosh.

Everyone except for Gottmik...

Voted for Nina West.

Madam President, Nina West.

It sounds good.

Which queen is most
likely to win America's heart

with her big, juicy ass?

This ain't no confusion.
Come on.

It's a clean sweep,
except for Vanjie.

Who did you say?

Hell no.

She would. She would.

They always compliment my ass.

I never heard that about Roxxxy.

Which queen is most likely
to be Secretary of Delusion?

This is shady.

All right.

It looks like the majority
voted for Angeria.

Am I delusional?

Like, girl, what?

That's definitely out
of left field right now.

And I'm just like.

Okay.

Which queen is
most likely to deny

the outcome of "All Stars" 9?

Roxxxy?

Well, Roxxxy is
from Florida, right?

Which queen is most likely
to have never voted

in a presidential election?

[laughs] Jorgeous.

What do y'all see me as?

In the lead,
with 11 points each,

are Jorgeous and Nina West.

Thou shalt not covet,

but she's coveting.

She wants it.

I want a badge so bad.

Here is your last question.

Which queen is most likely
to be the Secretary of Shade?

Ooh, child.

We've got... Mik and Nina West
voted for Gottmik,

but everyone else
voted for Roxxxy.

Fucking yes.

That means the polls
have closed officially.

The winner of today's
Mini Challenge is Jorgeous.

My God.

My God.

Condragulations, Jorgeous.

You've won a $2,500 donation
to your charity,

the National Alliance
on Mental Illness...

Thank you.

Courtesy of TEAMM8.

Plus, you've also won yourself
a Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

My God.

Yes.

Yes, I'm finally in
the two-badge club.

And I'm gunning for my third
badge, my fourth badge.

Give me all the badges.

Let's thank our poll workers

for keeping democracy
alive and well.

Thanks, guys.

Yes, thank y'all.

Goodbye, babies.

All Stars, as drag queens,
we need to come together

to support the freedom
of speech,

the freedom of expression,
and the freedom

to read a bitch to fill.

For this week's Maxi Challenge,

you'll take turns
roasting each other

at the National Drag Convention.

Now, to help you
get roast-ready,

you'll workshop your material

with political strategist
Michelle Visage.

Hey.

Boy.

And our extra-special
guest judge,

Hollywood royalty Ruta Lee.

Come on, Ruta.

Now, Jorgeous,
since you won the straw poll,

you get to decide
the roast order.

This is gonna be
really interesting.

All Stars, start your engines,

and may the best drag queen win.

- Wow.
- Let's get to cooking.

Let's get the roast to cooking.

I'm excited.

This week, we are doing the
Drag National Convention Roast.

Stand for the Pledge
of Allegiance.

We have to do a roast, ladies.

How are y'all
feeling about that?

I guess the big question
is, how are you

gonna determine the order?

My God, that's a really
good question, isn't it?

Here we go.

I don't wanna go first or last.

Going first, you have to
warm up the whole crowd.

But that's better than going
last because it's the finale.

So come on, sister.

I kind of know where I wanna go.

I'm probably leaning
towards the second.

Who are you thinking to open?

Honestly, I think Shannel
will be a great opener.

This bitch hosts all the time,
and I feel like

you would kick it off
really good.

I wanted to open it.

Okay, werk.

A lot of people will say
someone opening up a show

is the most challenging.

But I am a host for a living,
so it just fits.

And I think who I want
to go last would be...

Nina.

You wanna wrap it up.

Yes, you're a good closer.

Ever since the beginning
of the competition,

Nina has been on my radar.

She's the best
at these comedy challenges,

so she's getting the worst spot.

I have to stop that bitch
in her tracks.

- You didn't wanna go last?
- You know me.

I mean, I'm not the one
who's, like, out there

roasting and toasting bitches.

I'm the one who's kind of
like, you look so good today.

Bitch, you were funny as fuck.

You would slay this, bitch.

Hopefully I can do that.

- Can I go third?
- Okay.

- I'll go fourth.
- You'll go fourth?

Okay, let's just... yeah.

- I guess I'll go fifth.
- Yes, okay.

I'll go sixth.

Yeah, okay.

So Ms. Shannel,
you are first, I'm second,

Plastique is third, Roxxxy's
fourth, Vanjie's fifth,

Angie's six, Gottmik's seven...

and Nina last.

So this is a good strategy
on Jorgeous's part.

It's also a terrible strategy
for me

because like, I guess people
see me as the most like,

seasoned stand-up comedian,
but I'm not.

And now I have the pressure
of having to like, wrap it up

and send it home.

You were smart by putting
yourself second, for sure.

So what's your concept
of this roast?

Honestly, RuPaul made it so
clear that he wants to see me

do a butch character
and just gang it up.

So I'm like, should I go out
there in, like, a mustache?

I think he would cackle.

My God.

I know I can be
a funny-ass bitch.

But so far in this competition,

I keep on disappointing myself
in these comedy challenges.

I just feel like I keep
on letting you down.

But Rupe has been giving me
advice on what

I should do with my comedy.

If you were to play
someone really butch...

Like a foreman on
a construction site.

- Yes.
- Right.

That would be so hilarious.

And this challenge is a
great opportunity to apply it.

I come up to the stage...

- Yeah, just like...
- Hey.

Hey.

Hopefully it works in my favor.

I hope nobody takes
things personal.

No.

Because, bitch, I'm going in.

Are you excited?
Are you nervous?

I'm excited.

I like going on the main stage
and chit-chatting.

They be having to
turn the mic off.

- Turn it off.
- Turn it off.

She doing too much.

She running away with it.

Yeah.

I see your page is blank.

You have stuff.

I have stuff, yeah.

How do you feel about a roast?

I feel good.

We did one on my season.

They said they
liked my confidence.

Even if my jokes
didn't hit, I still

said that joke like it
was the funnest thing

you had ever heard.

We are all here tonight
to honor one man.

Well, unfortunately,
that man was unavailable

so we got a woman instead.

I really thought
my joke was funny.

I know.
I know you...

- So that's why...
- I'm sure you was...

I was convinced.
I was convinced.

Y'all did say I was delusional.

By the way, why you say
I was delusional?

You know what
delusional is, bitch.

Go and Google it.
I ain't gonna tell you.

I'm feeling the pressure
a little bit.

I was just gonna say,
if I was you,

I'd feel so much pressure.

Thanks, Roxxxy.

No, because I felt it
for the sewing challenge.

I think the misnomer
here is that...

like, I am the comedy girl,
but I'm not an insult comic.

You're a "be kind" kind of girl.

Yeah.
That last spot is like...

- It's a lot of pressure.
- Yeah.

So I'm trying to like,
make sure that I rise

to the level of the
challenge and also

rise to the level of what
the room thinks I'm gonna do.

Ms. Nina, are you
stressed a little bit?

Yeah, a little bit.

I mean, you give everyone else
a spot they wanted,

and you put me in the end.

I'll remember that
as the game unfolds.

I'll remember that, too.

- Yeah.
- Ooh!

Jorgeous is playing
strategically.

And so if I have the power
to get the Ruby Snippers,

I would be mindful of that,
and I will act accordingly.

Mama is ready to play.

Get your reason, queen.

Get your reason.

Ruta, I'm so glad
you're here with us today.

You're not nearly
as glad as I am.

Yay.

I love that.

Here comes Shannel.

Wah, wah.

It's time that we get
to workshop our roast

with Michelle and with Ruta Lee.

Shannel, meet Ruta Lee.

Ruta Lee, meet Shannel.

- My pleasure.
- I'm so happy to see you.

Likewise.

Ruta Lee is so iconic,
so legendary.

And I know her body of work.

She is a star.

I had the joy of doing a film
and being the leading lady

to Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin,
Sammy Davis,

Peter Lawford, the Crosby boys.

Those guys... those guys.

Not all bad.

And damn it, I didn't
sleep with any one of them.

My goodness!

I'm going to be her one day.

I love her.
I just love her.

Ru, I have to thank you
for having all of us back,

and quite frankly, thank you
to the queens that are finally

learning to shave their backs.

Bitch, I am ready to open up
this roast because,

tell me,
how many badges do I have?

I have zero badges.

I want to win this.

Now, Roxxxy,
your season, season 5,

we struggled a little bit
with the roast.

We struggled on 5.
We struggled on "All Stars" 2.

How the fuck
can I call you my mom

if you're as old as my grandpa?

I suck more than
Michelle Visage at a truck stop

with a girl... with a...
with a glory hole, right?

So what jokes
do you have for us?

Nina, I saw you on
"Secret Celebrity Drag Race."

Is the real secret
that you're not a celebrity?

Ho, ho!

Good, Roxxxy.

As one of the most
beloved queens of all time,

how can we top Vanjie?

I guess I'll ask
Brooke Lynn Hytes for tips.

That's good.
That's good.

Roxxxy, you've got good stuff,

but you need to focus
on your delivery.

And please don't race
through your punchlines.

- Yeah.
- Don't get nervous.

You've got this.

The pressure is
pressuring, okay?

I'm the bitch
with the most badges.

If I do not win this week,
there's a strong possibility

them snippers is gonna come
to me.

Angie, you sleep a lot
in this competition.

But so are me and the other
girls, one-badge bitch.

- I didn't get that.
- Okay.

Set it up because your audience

won't know diddly squat
about that.

Angie, I'm willing
to bet a badge

you getting a check
out of the government.

Okay, what?

- I didn't understand a word.
- Okay.

- Slow down.
- Pace yourself.

I truly haven't seen
this many gay outcasts together

since I got gang-banged
by the cast of "Glee."

Gang-bang might be a lot.

I'm probably gonna still say
gang-bang.

You know, I bet
Carson's love life

is much like my track record
in this competition.

You just keep getting cut off.

- It's cute.
- It's cute?

It's cute.

You could be funnier,
and you could go deeper.

Okay, got it.

Hold on.

Wait, hold on.

That's all right.

Okay. Um...

I know you like to tell jokes.

I look at your face,
and you've been struggling

a little bit up here.

- Yes.
- It's a tough one.

Yes, it is.

It's been a tough one because...

child, the girls keep
trying to cut me off.

Because you're good.

What you need to do is go,
if I wasn't good,

they wouldn't give a shit.

No matter how wonderful
the sisters are,

they can get bitchy.

- That's it.
- Yeah.

Don't forget what you came
here to do and who you are.

When I tell you I really
needed to hear that...

I do feel like I've been
getting a little too caught up

in the snipping and stuff
and kind of

in my feelings about it.

But at the end of the day,
we're playing a game.

We're in a race.

And I need to win
another challenge.

And I know that
I am a funny bitch,

and funny bitch equates

to comedy challenge winner,
you know what I'm saying?

I got homework to do, but I'm...

- Yeah.
- You do.

I'm gonna get it together.

Hello, Ruta.

Hello, you handsome devil, you.

Thank you.

I just wanna jump right
into it and see what you got.

Jorgeous, it is truly impossible

to underestimate you.

Because why?

It's impossible
to overestimate you.

Or is it...
- Neither one of them pays off.

- Right?
- Yeah.

Okay.

You know, Plastique
is not really shady.

I just do my own thing.

I be in my own lane.

But that's not really funny
in a roast.

RuPaul wants jabs,
punches, stabs.

Plastique is not that.

So Plastique, you surprised
us last week with your comedy.

Thank you.

Are you a goofball in real life?

I think once I'm in a character,

or there's something
that I can like, lean on,

I think I can go all the way.

Okay.

Wait a minute.

I just won
a comedy challenge last week

while doing a character.

Maybe this is my thing.

What if I play a character

so that I can feel like
I can say these things?

- Finesse that up, okay?
- Yes.

- Okay, baby.
- Thank you. Thank you.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Jorgeous put you last.

Yeah, I'm closing this roast.

I mean, no pressure,
right, to...

- I mean, none.
- None whatsoever, darling.

You just have to top those
bitches that were ahead of you.

That's right.
Well, I mean, we'll try.

We'll try being the top.
- There you go.

Throw us some jokes, Nina.

All right, Shannel...

Shannel is here...
or as our young fans would say,

who?

You know, Vanjie, I just wanna
commend you on your choice

of charities... the ASPCA.

Now if you can only convince Ru
to stop that animal cruelty

and give Shannel a badge
or just put the old dog down.

Ho, ho, ho!

Good, Nina, good.
- Okay, okay.

Ruta, would you believe
that Nina is the nice queen?

We should take that
title away at the end.

Ruta!

My God!

Today we are getting ready

to do our National Drag
Convention Roast.

I love drag!

Go, go, go, go, go.

I'm cut off this week,
and it really sucks

because I killed the roast
on my season.

I am such a huge fan
of you and your work

and all of your hit song.

But even though
I can't win a badge,

I wanna show everyone that
I can still turn this out

and win money for my charity,

point blank, period dot com.

Are you filling in
your eyebrows?

No, I was plucking my eyebrows.

Because you're
doing your boy look.

Yes, I'm doing
my boy look today.

Maybe this might
be the start, sister.

I know... of something new.

Is anyone else
doing a character?

I'm doing kind of a character.

You killed it last week
with your character.

Thank you.

So my idea was, like,
coming out dressed up as

like, an anime character, and
then I'll be like, wait,

it looks like I'm at
the wrong convention.

I think that's really smart.

So let's see if it works.

No, I tried Tasha Salad
in my season, "All Stars" 2,

and it didn't work.

Because it's not funny.

- My God.
- My God.

I'm kidding.

So does anyone know
who they're cutting?

Someone just helped me.

Wow.

Do you feel like you're
a target right now?

You're in the lead, bitch.

If I don't win this challenge,

I feel like
I'm a definite target.

I gotta go in here and win this.

But just in case I don't,

I need to push that target
away from me.

I mean, anybody in here
can be like,

well, she's the easy one to cut,

but you might wanna think
about the next challenge.

Ooh.

- Ooh!
- Very true.

I feel like everybody's so good

at all that we've been doing.

We've all been killing it.

You know, we don't know
who's gonna do well.

Roxxxy has a point.

We're just halfway
through the competition.

The badge count
is still so close.

And all of these queens
are threats.

It could flip on a dime
in a second.

This is "Drag Race," henny.

Hold on to your wigs.

I'm playing it real soft today.

That's soft?

Somebody beat her
in the face, girl.

Maybe that's why
you're delusional.

My God, Nina.

I mean, like...

But you chose me for it,
so can you tell me why?

Yeah, why did everyone
pick Angeria?

I was trying to follow where
I thought the room would go.

Does anyone else
have insight to that?

I don't know.

Girl, is anybody else
gonna say something?

Honestly, sis, I think that,
most of the time,

I feel like you think
that you're gonna win

some of these challenges.

I mean, you do do good.

I'm not gonna say
that you don't.

But I feel like sometimes
I feel like you think that

you're gonna be lip syncing.

Well, the thing is, I don't
wanna be caught off guard.

- Yeah.
- Like if I get good critiques,

should I just stay in the same
outfit and just say, well...

No.
You're just funny sometimes.

I thought Jorgeous
had my back because

she's my season 14 sister.

But girl, clearly,
the competitive atmosphere

has settled in.

That's fine because
I'ma bottle it up, bitch,

and I'm gonna let it all
spew out, bitch, in the roast.

This shit's just sticky.

The makeup or the drama?

Yes.

Yes.

Wow.

Welcome to the main stage

of "RuPaul's Drag Race
All Stars."

The house recognizes
the gentlewoman

from New Jersey,
Michelle Visage.

Well, if you're
calling me gentle,

then you don't
recognize me at all.

It's the delegate
from Pennsylvania,

style superstar Carson Kressley.

Now, Carson, have you ever
stumped for a candidate?

No, but I have
pegged a pollster.

You know, it happens.

Yes.

And she's been a Hollywood
high roller for seven decades,

the incomparable Ruta Lee.

I have always
considered myself a queen,

albeit an old queen.

But nevertheless,

this old queen
is so happy to be with you.

Thank you.

It is a dream come true
to have you here with us today.

This week,
we challenged our queens

to rock us with their cock-us

at the National Drag
Convention Roast.

Tonight on the runway,
category is Atomic Blonde.

All Stars, start your engines,

and may the best drag queen win.

Welcome to the National
Drag Convention Roast.

To start things off,
an invocation

from America's reigning
drag poet laureate,

Bob the Drag Queen.

I deserve that.

I would like to read a selection

from my book of poetry entitled

"I Know Why
the Butch Queen Vogues."

It's morning in America,
and I look stunning.

Yeah.

With strong Black voices rising,

a change is a-coming.

Yeah.

People bitching
about drag queens

while the whole world's
crumbling.

But they need to ask
the real question.

Is the butch still running?

Let's get this roast
a-cooking, shall we?

Thank you all.

First up, from the great
state of Nevada, it's Shannel.

Hello.

Please show all of these
absolutely gorgeous ladies

all of the love that you have.
Give it up.

Come on, one more time.

Yeah, no, even for Angeria.

Even for Angeria.

I know.

We were all shocked
that she was here, too.

Thank you so much, Ru,
for bringing all of us back.

And thank you to the queens

that are finally shaving theirs.

But no, seriously,
everybody here works so hard.

The cast and crew
behind the scenes

truly is putting in
every effort forth

in getting Nina West into
her corset each and every week.

Carson Kressley is here with us.

We love you, Carson.

Yay, Carson.

I hope that you've had
the opportunity

to thank Michelle Visage
for your cheeks

because they used to be
her tits.

And I did have a gay joke that
I was gonna throw on you,

but fuck it.

The next queen to come out
on the stage, Jorgeous,

it has been an immense pleasure
working with you in Las Vegas,

seeing your lights
just big and bright

on the Las Vegas strip,
which is fabulous

because your name
has never been seen

on a high school diploma before.

Damn, damn.

My God.

Damn.

Please put your hands together

for gayer than gay herself,
Jorgeous!

My God.

My name is Jorgeous,
and I'm your friendly

"gayborhood" thug.

What's up, what's up, what's up?

Everybody make some noise
for this bitch, Shannel.

Mama, after hearing that roast,

I don't think she's gonna be

getting a badge this week...
again.

Nina West, you really do
put the broad in Broadway.

The only thing wider
than your shoulders

is Carson's gaping hole.

My God.

But honestly, how would I know?

I'm "straight."

My God.

Angeria Paris VanMicheals
is so country...

How country is she?

She douches
with sweet tea, Mama.

Angeria is so country...

How country is she?

She eats ass with a side
of mustard greens, bitch.

Come on, bring it.

Michelle, what's up, bro?

Hey.

It's nice to have
a man on the panel.

Before I go, I wanted to
ask you, RuPaul, all night,

are we, like, fucking
making out later, or what?

Come on.

If not, then get the fuck
out of my face.

Bringing to the stage, she goes
by the name of Tragique...

I mean, Plastique Tiara.

Bitch gay.
Bitch, Jorgeous is funny.

My gosh.

My goodness.

I think I'm at the wrong
imaginary convention.

It's gonna be hard
to top Jorgeous.

But let's be honest here.

Everyone has topped Jorgeous.

Come on.

Jorgeous is so gay, she can
tell the flavor of a Popsicle

by sitting on it.

Gottmik's here.
Come on, clap.

You are so white

that if you were a spice,
you would be flour.

Thank you for putting
the T in LGBT...

trash.

So good.

Nina West is here.

Hey.

Nina's shoulders are so big,

she has to use panorama
to take a selfie.

Roxxxy Andrews, my queen!

My queen.

Roxxxy's ass is so big,
when she step on the scale,

it says "one person
at a time, please."

Michelle!

Michelle's vagina is so deep,

Leah Remini is still hiding
from Scientology in there.

Yeah, that's a good one.

It's true.

Michelle, your vagina
is so black,

battered, and barely holding on,

it reminds me of...

RuPaul!

Mama Ru is so old,

when she was in science class,

the only elements
on the periodic table

were earth, wind, and fire.

Thank you all so much.

You've been such
an amazing audience tonight.

Welcome back to the National
Drag Convention Roast.

Up next, Roxxxy Andrews.

Hi, everyone.

I'm Roxxxy Andrews,
and I'm here to make it clear.

Are you ready?
- Yes.

Jorgeous, my little baby doll,

she is as smart as she is tall.

Angeria... y'all make
some noise for Angeria.

Now, Angeria, I know your name
features the name Paris

because you've always wanted
to go there.

And it also features Van

because you've always
lived in one.

That's true.

Bitch, your nose is so long...

period.

RuPaul, my mama,
my queen, on season 5,

you told us that we get
to choose our families.

And I've always
wanted to ask you,

why the hell did
you choose Michelle?

You always talk to us
about your inner saboteur.

But I wanna take a moment to
highlight your outer saboteur...

gravity.

I love you so much.

I have so much
respect for you, Ru,

because I just know
how hard it's been for you,

remembering our names.

I'm Roxxxy, the wig reveal one.

Yes.

That's fierce.

Thank you guys so much.

I had such a good time.

Yeah, Roxxxy.

Make some noise for Miss Vanjie!

I love you guys.

Okay.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'm gonna go ahead
and let y'all know now,

I will be using the N-word.

- Ooh.
- Yes, the N-word.

I haven't seen a bunch of...

nobodies in the same room,

in the same time, on this day.

Thank you, RuPaul, for that.

Now, the other N-word
I like to use...

Nina.

Nina, it's sad to see you
still dealing

with the side effects of COVID.

The bitch got no taste.

Look at Nina's outfit.

You like that one?

Jorgeous is so little
and so cute,

after she gave her man head,
he liked to burp her.

Whoo, whoo, whoo!

Okay, let's get
to my good friend Mik.

Mik looks like Jeffrey Dahmer
out of drag, okay?

Whoopsie daisy.

While we're at it, Roxxxy...

while Roxxxy was up here,
all I kept thinking about...

up, down, up, down.

And I'm not talking
about her mood swings.

I'm talking about her weight.

This is a roast.

We're not handing out
compliments.

We reading the toasting, okay?

I love.

Let me go ahead and stop
because I'm probably

gonna get canceled more than
I'm already done got canceled.

So let's give it up
for the next one...

she probably just now
realized the jokes I said...

Angie.

Please give a round of applause

for the cast of
"The Haunted Mansion."

Yeah.

Okay, first, I wanna thank
Miss Vanjie.

I must say, you look
absolutely beautiful tonight

from a distance.

Hey, Michelle.
- Hey, Angie.

Yeah, Ru, I see you
keep bringing

your service animal round here.

Don't you bite me, bitch.

We have the fabulous Nina West.

Now, bitch, Nina West
is so damn ugly,

she went to her proctologist,
and bitch,

he just takes his finger
and sticks it in her mouth.

I ain't lying.

We have got Mik.

And while I'm thinking about it,

let me thank tonight's
sponsor, Ozempic.

Now, Miss Roxxxy Andrews...

when I think of your run
on season 5,

I think of that song
from Chicago.

How it go?

You are so stupid.
I love it.

And last, Jorgeous,
you are always talking about,

girl, I didn't finish school.

Well, if they had
a class on sucking dick,

you would have been
the valedictorian.

Damn.

Okay, I hope you vote
for me for whatever

the fuck all this is.

What, bitch?

Now, I'm gonna go ahead
and bring on the next diva.

Ladies and gentlemen, Gottmik.

Yeah.

How are we doing tonight, everyone?

I truly have not seen
this many gay outcasts together

since I was getting gang-banged
by the cast of "Glee."

Whoa.

Angeria, you look
really scared right now.

But do not worry, girl,
I am not gonna stand up here

and badmouth you because,
clearly,

God already has.

If you don't know anything
about me, I'm transgender.

I know. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

But I am not the only person
in this room

that has transitioned.

I was once a girl,

and Carson was once relevant.

Shannel, my queen, you are
such a seasoned professional.

You are consistently fighting
the war on homophobia

and subtlety, clearly.

Plastique is here!

You guys, if you didn't know,
her résumé is insane...

influencer, dancer, actor.

You name it, she's fucked it.

Next up, we have Nina West.

And girl, for real,
your run in "Hairspray"

was truly the best

you could do.

Ladies and gentlemen, Nina West.

Yes.

Good evening, everyone,
and thank you, Gollum,

for bringing me to the stage.

You know, tonight,
it's tough for me

to be up here because,
you know, I'm the nice queen.

But since Mama asked,
here we go.

Shannel is here,

or as the young "Drag Race"
fans might call her,

who?

You know, Shannel,
I wanna congratulate you

on your comeback
to "All Stars."

It's pretty amazing
because you're so old,

I didn't know you could
come again at all.

- Whoa.
- My God.

Wow, I can't believe
that all came out of me.

Who am I?

I truly am a kind queen,
and I couldn't stoop so low

and be so awful as those
rotted hateful twats

sitting to my right.

It's true.
They're ugly on the inside

and the out.

And I wanna remind you,
this is the charity season,

which would explain why
Jorgeous is here.

Jorgeous has a body
that won't quit

and a brain that won't start.

She's got two brain cells,

and they're fighting
for third place.

Think about it, Jorgeous.
You'll get there.

Now, Plastique Tiara.

Plastique is so vain,

she's even retouched her X-rays.

Good.

Vanjie is like my favorite
appliance... a washing machine.

She's full of loads.

Stay kind, everybody.

Thank you so much.

Category is Atomic Blonde.

Up first, Shannel.

It's Ruta Lee
starring in Mad Max.

My atomic blonde character

is kind of a 1950s
Marilyn Monroe

meets Mad Max post-apocalyptic.

She's a tough bitch.

She's Sheena,
queen of the underbrush.

Up next, Jorgeous.

Yes, Jorgeous O. Williams
and the Plasmatics.

My atomic blonde look is
inspired by Ms. Tina Turner.

I also wanted to look like a
bad bitch, space-age warrior.

Not only is her pussy
on fire, her hands are, too.

Can you imagine
the knife sharpener

that comes to her house?

Plastique Tiara.

I thought this country
stopped using straws.

I'm a post-apocalyptic
half car, half human,

1/3 bunny, straight out
of a manga comic book.

Get into it.

She's got a set of pipes on her.

This look is exhausting.

Roxxxy Andrews.

Known in these woods
as Danielle Boone.

Yes.

My atomic blonde look
is very warrior princess

in the future with, like,
huge saber-toothed tigers

and a big-ass booty.

Nice beaver.

Thanks. I just had it stuffed.

She's one of those cougars...

no, a coyote.

Up next, Ms. Vanjie.

Well, hello, doily.

Today, I'm giving futuristic
"Fifth Element" Rihanna,

looking like I probably
got a Glock in my cootie cat.

I'm looking good.

Crochet, you stay.

Angeria Paris
VanMicheals Zeta Jones.

I'm giving you some
"post-apaca-laca" couture

on this runway.

Mama, it is the end
of the world,

but bitch, I'm still
gonna be sickening, okay?

She's here to moss your salad.

You know,
Dr. Zizmor could take care

of those spider veins.

Up next, Gottmik.

Your microchip is showing.

When I heard atomic blonde,
I instantly thought,

if I was the sexiest woman
alive and it was the future

and I been through it all
and just like battled it out,

what would I look like?

And honey, this is it.

Eat your heart out,
Jaime Sommers.

Take that, Lil' Kim.

Nina West.

Does this skirt
make my butt look big?

The inspiration
behind my runway look

is really like 1950s
comic book heroes.

Also like a Super Mario Bros
aesthetic.

I really wanted to be
outside the box.

Welcome, queens.

Tonight, I'll name the top two
All Stars of the week.

Each will receive a
Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

Now it's time
for the judges' critiques.

Up first, Shannel.

You know, there was nobody
who stunk the room up tonight,

which is, I think, a first...
- It is a first.

In "Drag Race" herstory.

My God.

Shannel, you could tell that
your years of hosting paid off.

In the roast, you felt
so strong and so in control.

And you landed some funny jokes.

Thank you.

The first and the last spots
are the hardest,

and you handled that
so beautifully.

You're beautiful to boot,
so fuck off.

You look so gorgeous.

The combination of the
super glamorous drag hair

with this doomsday corset look

was just really, really
well-thought-out

and well-executed.
- Thank you.

Up next, Jorgeous.

'Sup, bro?

I loved your roast.

You did exactly what everyone
was asking you to do.

And you just went for it,
and it worked.

Jorgeous, that was so funny.

You have a whole new act.

I think you should call
the character Hector.

Okay... Hector the OG pleasure.

Jorgeous, I was so proud of you.

- Thank you, Michelle.
- You're welcome.

This runway look...
I love it.

It's like if there was a unicorn

in the cast of "Starlight
Express," it would be you.

Thank you, Dad.

I'm going to borrow it,
along with Shannel's hair,

for my date tomorrow night.

Yes.

See if I can prick him.

I live.

Up next, Plastique Tiara.

This look... it is
like a Playboy bunny

and the Batmobile had a baby.

- Ooh.
- And it's very runway.

It's very fashion.

I hate white makeup,
white eyeliner,

white eyeshadow,
and white lashes.

And this is so amazing.
- Thank you.

The demented
apocalyptic bunny...

it's just so Plastique.

You went for the roast,
and you really roasted.

You put Scientology
in its proper place.

In my ver-gina.

Brilliant.

Thank you so much.

Up next, Roxxxy Andrews.

This look... I mean,
I love hairy arms.

It's just one of my fetishes.

It's glamour.
It's very on-brand for you.

It's sexy.

It's very "prances" with wolves.

What worked so beautifully
for me in your roast

is that when you walked out
on stage, it was your room.

You took command.

I'm very proud of you because

this has been your Achilles'
heel in this competition,

and you turned it out.

Up next, Miss Vanjie.

Let's start
with this look tonight,

Vanjie,
because it's so beautiful.

It's just fresh and new,
and new for you.

And I love the risks
that you're taking.

In the roast,
you got some great jokes.

The Jorgeous burping joke...
incredible.

And never in my life have I seen

red hair being tossed
to end a punchline

better than you've ever done.

Thank you.

Up next, Angeria.

Well, let's talk
about this look.

It has a lot of personality,
and you always

bring personality
with all of your looks.

Angeria, in our
coaching session,

you looked so kind of defeated.

And we had that little talk.

I really felt like
I was losing myself,

and you literally looked at me
and said, don't lose you.

You got it.

And I took everything
you said, Ruta,

and I appreciate it so much.

Of course.

Thank you.

Whatever you needed
to do, you did it.

I thought it was
really, really strong,

so you should be
proud of yourself.

You were fantastic tonight.

- Thank you.
- You are naturally funny.

I'm so proud of you.

Can I borrow that gold
and white thing, too, please?

You sure can.

But I don't have the booty
to fill it the way you do,

nor do I have the tits,
but what the hell.

She can loan you that, too.

Yeah, exactly.

Up next, Gottmik.

This Michael Schmidt
dress is marvelous.

Gorgeous.

- Thank you.
- It's so meta.

You are a trans man in drag.

You had top surgery, only
to put the surgery back on

and come out here
in full femme regalia.

You're always infusing your
story and your experiences

into your drag,
and it comes out as artistry.

Your roast was sharp
and clean...

well, maybe not so clean.

But that made it great fun.

And you had some fun jokes.

It's just,
you seemed more reserved.

Before, I've seen you come out
and like lay it all on the line.

You were holding back.

But I always love to see you
because you're funny,

and you get it.
Thank you.

Thank you.

Up next, Nina West.

Tonight, this is super fun.

I really enjoy you,

and I love what you bring
to this competition.

The skirt's giving me
a little Minions whimsicality.

But I also think it's elevated.

You had
the toughest spot to fill.

I think you could
read the phone book,

and you would fill the spot

because no matter what you do,
it's great.

Thank you.

You are so professional
and so prepared,

and you had some
very good jokes.

The only thing
is that you're so prepared,

don't be afraid
to sometimes go off script.

But great runway, great roast.

Thank you.

Thank you, All Stars.

I think we've heard enough.

While you enjoy
delicious House of Love

cocktails and mocktails, the
judges and I will deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

Now, just between
us squirrelfriends,

what do you think?

We need to choose the top two
All Stars of the week.

Our little Jorgeous
became a man tonight,

right in front of our eyes.

I found Jorgeous to be
fearless, and I saluted her.

Yes.

Jorgeous listened
to the critiques

and applied it to this
challenge, and it worked.

And then Plastique was
one of the funniest tonight,

and I did not see that coming.

Her jokes were frigging funny.

I agree... great night
for Plastique.

And who knew she could be
as funny as she was?

Yeah.

Roxxxy... I thought this
was a good night for her.

I loved, loved, loved
her roast look.

I know that she was
nervous going into this,

but she had some really
good zingers in there.

She rose to the occasion,
and she broke the curse.

She, to me, is a star queen
no matter what.

I adore Shannel... strong stage
presence, strong delivery,

and beautiful, to boot.

She's a worker.

She's efficient at being a host,

and she did a fantastic job.

Angeria... I'm gonna say
that she was

the total package in the roast.

She had the timing.

She had the material.

It was tight. It was edited.
It was funny. It worked.

Yeah, she was outstanding.

I thought she was
so full of control.

She had zinger after zinger
after zinger.

I just adored Michelle's
being Ru's service animal.

Yeah, yeah.

But on the runway,
this wasn't the greatest

runway look of the night.

But it is different for Angeria.

Silence.

- I've made my decision.
- I'm scared.

Bring back my All Stars.

Welcome back, All Stars.

Based on your
Drag Convention roasts

and your atomic blonde
runway presentations,

I've made some decisions.

The top two All Stars
of the week are...

Angeria...

And Plastique.

What?

Really?

Thank you so much.

Condragulations.

You've each earned a
Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

And you are both one step closer

to winning the $200,000
grand prize for your charity.

Ladykins, the rest of you
may take a seat.

Mwah, mwah.

Give me the one, two,
one, two, one, two.

Two All Stars stand before me.

Ladies, this is your chance
to impress me,

win $10,000 for your charity,

and earn the power to cut off

one of your fellow queens
from receiving

a Beautiful Benefactress Badge
next week.

The time has come for you

to Lip Sync for Your Charity.

Good luck,

and don't fuck it up.

Let's go!

Lordy, lordy.

Good lord.

That was a good one.

All Stars...

Wow.

I've made my decision.

Angeria, condragulations.

- You're a winner, baby.
- Thank you.

You've won a cash tip
of $10,000 for your charity,

the National Black Justice
Coalition.

Werk.

Good job, bitch.

Plastique, you are free
to slay another day.

You may step to the back
of the stage.

Thank you, judges.

Queens, please join Angeria
on stage.

Angeria, with great power
comes great responsibility.

Using the Ruby Snippers,

which of your fellow queens

will you cut off from receiving

a Beautiful Benefactress Badge
next week?

Angeria, which sister
will you scissor?

Girl.

Honey, I'm over here
just stressed out

because I don't know
what the fuck

to do in this moment, bitch.

I love you, girl.

I bet you do love me.

Shit.

Jesus Christ.

I'm worrying about
the aftermath, right?

Revenge is a cold bitch.

I'm worried about,
after I cut somebody,

are they gonna hate me?

Are they gonna be upset?

Are they gonna
cut my lace fronts?

Like, girl, I'm feeling
all of the pressure

on my shoulders, bitch.

Well, maybe we
shouldn't do that.

Um.

Okay, can you give me
one second to pray about it?

You can pray, but don't
block Mommy's camera.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

Bitch, I'm stalling.

The Lord hath spoketh.

All those times they
gave you those snippers...

They did.

This is your turn to
giveth the snippeths away-eth.

I know, Lord.
I know, Lord.

Either way, this is gonna
come back to bite me.

Snip, snip, bitch.

Bitch, again?
I'm over it.

She better know,
the doll doesn't forget.

She turning 40, but she
ain't got dementia yet.

All right, well, it took
a long time to get here,

but we have arrived.

Thank the Lord.
- Amen.

Roxxxy, next week,
you can compete and even win.

But Angeria has cut you off

from earning
a Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

Condragulations, All Stars.

Now, remember,
if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna
love somebody else?

Can I get an amen up in here?

Amen.

All right,
now let the music play.

Next time on "All Stars"...

You are playing a different
game than I'm playing.

Bitch, Roxxxy is mad.

For this week's Maxi Challenge,

each of you will be costarring
in a scene

with one of the biggest bitches
working in Hollywood today.

Me.

The champagne's burned.

That's not champagne.

Stop there and look at me.

Not a stripper, a dancer.

- OK.
- Solid gold.

Take one.

Take three.

No.

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