Original subtitles

Forever.

It's a long time, even

with the right person.

And with the wrong

person it's a slow death.

- Oh, God!

This is, this is

not a no, is it?

- No.

- So, that's a yes?

- You don't have

to get me a ring.

- Yes, I do.

Otherwise, how

will everybody know

that you belong to me?

- Oh, very droll.

- I want to get you a ring.

And I want to buy it.

- Ooh, that is quite something.

- Morning!

Excuse the state of us.

- Just out for a run.

Yeah, we can see.

- How are you both during this

never-ending festive season?

- Actually, we're--

- In a rush.

We're in a rush.

Enjoy your, er, exertions.

- He's gonna have

to know eventually.

- Truth is, I'd prefer

it if it was just for us.

It seems illicit.

- Isn't that just

another word for wrong?

- Why do you want to marry me?

- Hm?

- Why marriage?

Why not just us, as we are?

- I knew I should

have bought that ring

right there and then.

Okay.

I want to marry you because I

love you and I want to know,

I want to know that it's just

me and you, it's us forever.

Satisfied?

- Sorry.

I never thought I'd

get married again.

- I never thought I'd ask

again, seeing as last time,

I'd barely got the question

out before I'd been dumped.

- Yeah, I hate how

she did that to you.

- I think the point is, we

have to be allowed to hope

that things can

change, can get better.

Otherwise, we're not moving

forward, we're just stuck.

Stuck holding on to

some shitty past.

- So wise for one so young.

- Bugger off.

Now, can I please be

allowed to go back to sleep,

or have you got any more wobbles

you'd like to share

with the group?

- Bugger off yourself.

- She was my wife.

The person I chose.

The mother of my children.

The woman I wanted to be with.

That counts for something.

Allows me to be the one

to save her from him.

- Hot, be careful.

- Yes.

They might surprise you

with their reaction.

How was the drive?

- Dreamy, until

we got off the M5

and Elsie completely

lost her shit.

It's okay, though, she

just wants the boob.

- Eimear, this is Benjamin.

- Oh, guessed as much.

How you doing?

- Yeah, yeah, I--

Be gentle

with my husband.

Office Christmas

party last night.

Say no more.

- Ignore her.

I'm suffering no ill effects.

Yeah, cos

you're still tanked.

- I've missed you.

- How are you, Patrick?

Good to see you.

And you, Benjamin, and you.

- Cavalry have arrived.

- Like the hair.

Very, um, Borstal.

Land of no signal.

- Oh, yeah, there's a spot

out by the field I found

you can get three bars.

- Oh, there is, is there?

- Granny!

- Can you, give me a hand?

- You look painfully

thin, darling.

- You always say that,

however rotund I am.

- Well, you've never

been rotund in your life.

- I saw 18 yellow cars, Granny!

- Oh, my goodness, that's

so many yellow cars!

- Who's he?

- Hello, Charlotte,

I'm Benjamin.

- She takes a while to warm up.

- With people she doesn't know.

No offense, Benjamin.

- That's a very wise

policy, Charlotte.

- Mm!

- Oh!

- I've got to make a work call.

- We, have some news.

So I see, poor old Volvo.

- Let's go and see the

Christmas tree, everybody!

It's Christmas!

Christmas-time!

There's so many presents!

- Leo says you've

given my room away.

- Yours is the only

south-facing one,

so, Benjamin's in here,

working all hours.

Well, a master's isn't the

joke that it was in my day.

And before you ask who's

paying for it, I am,

but he's going to pay me back.

- I wasn't going to ask.

- Honestly, I didn't

think you'd mind.

You're hardly ever here.

- Time to put away childish

things and all that.

Mum, I really don't mind.

It's fine.

- Yes, I'm so sorry.

And that is one for

Charlotte, as well.

- Aw! Hm!

- Oh, that's grim.

- Hey, it's not my fault if

you're not getting any, bro.

Ooh!

- Careful, Leo!

- It's all good.

Oh, what a hero!

- Here you go.

Right,

as reigning champion,

I get to pick the first game.

Thank you.

- Ladies?

- It's the one we all love.

- You all right to be banker?

- Yeah.

- Oh, but can we trust him not

to dip his hand in the pot?

- Depends on the stakes.

- It's a grand sum of 1 pound

everybody puts in

for each round.

There are 10 different

games in total

and if, by the

end of Boxing Day,

we haven't all got furious

with one another and given up--

- Della-gate, 2009.

- One year, it was one year.

And, might I add,

it was in response

to you doing a

shitload of cheating.

- Language!

- Oh, we've kind of lost

that battle already.

- Anyway, we play some more,

someone wins, usually Dad.

- We're not making it

sound like a lot of fun,

but I promise you, it is.

Please play.

- Word to the wise, Benjamin,

it is a blood sport.

I prefer to just sit

back and just watch them

tear each other to shreds.

Sounds like a plan.

- Benjamin, make

yourself useful.

Scorekeeper.

Lucky you!

- Is Patrick all right?

- Yeah, last time I checked.

- How's he dealing with

you going back to work?

- Well, he survived

that body blow,

what with living in the

21st century and all.

- I just meant that today,

he seems a bit, um...

- And that has to be

down to me, does it?

We're good.

We're actually better than

we've been for a while.

- That's good, you deserve it.

Both of you do.

- I think Patrick...

I think he's just

adjusting to the fact

that everything is different.

I mean, I'd heard plenty enough

about your man there already,

but Patrick missed out the part

about him being

a stone-cold fox.

Worth all the aggro, I hope.

- I'm not telling you to

upset you, I'm telling you,

I'm telling you so

that you don't find out

from anybody else.

No, it's not gloating, Ali, it.

Well, it's called

common decency.

Anyway, look, I've got to go.

Yeah.

Take care yourself.

Bye.

- I couldn't find you.

- Sorry, sorry.

- No, I'm sorry.

- That was Ali.

I called her.

I wanted her to know.

It's good news and I just,

I wanted to share it.

- I will tell them.

How'd she take it?

- Not what I expected, actually.

She was actually sort of gutted.

- Hm.

- Funny how things turn out.

I can carve, Mum.

- Which is code for give

yourself the biggest portion.

You're hardly

going to go hungry.

- Please, be my guest.

It'll be the most work

you've done all year.

- I don't know where

you put it all.

If I ate as much as you did,

I'd be as big as a house.

- Hardly.

Come on, look at you.

I'll have you know,

bar work is actually

very taxing.

Mum

said they fired you.

- They didn't fire me.

There weren't enough shifts.

- Oh, what with Christmas being

such a quiet time and all?

- I think we need

more red down here.

Benjamin, would

you do the honors?

- Oh, yeah, of course.

- It's very nice.

You guys brought it?

- Oh, yes, yeah, sorry.

- I can top my own wife up,

but thanks, you're a real gent.

- We're getting married.

Benjamin proposed

and I said yes.

- Sorry, are you two on Xanax?

- Because we're not

behaving like children?

- It's called caring!

Fuck me!

What about Dad?

- What about him?

- You only got divorced

five minutes ago.

I'd say your father gave up

the right to have his feelings

considered when he decided

to sleep with my best friend.

- So, when's the big day?

- Well, we, haven't actually

talked about that yet,

but hopefully--

- Not for a long time, I'm sure.

Patrick?

I'm sure you've got

something to say about it.

- Apparently not.

Patrick has decided

now is the perfect time

to stop telling

everyone what to do.

- Go easy, Leo, won't you?

It's hardly bog-standard news.

- You're getting married?

- Yes.

- You're getting married to him?

- I'm still sitting here.

Patrick?

Patrick, please don't ignore me.

- It'll be getting

cold, the lamb.

- Very good.

Man of the house.

Della?

- I'm fine for ham.

- No, I meant,

what do you think?

- I think...

I think I don't understand

why anyone gets married.

- I have to say, it's not

often I'm grateful for the fact

I've got no family.

- Well, no-one's got no family,

unless you're in

a Dickens' novel.

- That's not what

I'm talking about.

I mean, I'm sure there are

cousins and aunts and all that,

but, I'm talking

about close family.

You know, the ones who can...

The ones who make

you feel smaller.

- Well, it's a lot

for them to take in.

- You're right, you're right.

Of course, you're right.

No, I suppose no matter

how car-crashy it was,

at least we can

console ourselves

with the fact that

the worst is over.

- Julia's here to see you.

- I hope you're

not going to change

our arrangements for tomorrow

because, you know,

it is customary

for a father to see his children

on all the major holidays.

- I'm not changing

any arrangement.

- Good, good.

Because last year wasn't

the same, not seeing them.

- That was their

choice, not mine.

- If you say so.

- What I came to tell

you is Benjamin and I

are getting married.

- Well, it's obvious why

he'd want to marry you.

- Oh, yeah?

Why's that?

- For your money.

- I forgot that I was utterly

devoid of any other charms.

- Why you'd say yes, that's

the bit I can't fathom.

- I don't want another row.

- Who said anything

about rowing?

We're just having

a conversation, a

perfectly civil one.

Remind me, is it

three or four months

since the divorce came through?

Well, let's see the ring, then.

Don't be shy, I'm sure it's

quite the rock he's got you.

Three months' salary, that's

what I spent on yours.

I know Benjamin is

basically still in school,

but for an occasion like this,

I'm sure he pushed the boat out.

- You really are such a child.

- Says the woman marrying one.

Ah!

- I didn't come to

ask for your blessing,

I just came to tell you.

Which I've done, so

I'm gonna go now.

- I'm trying to help you here,

Julia, believe it or not.

I don't want you made a fool of.

What, any more than you did?

- Ah!

And there we have it,

what this is really all about.

You getting revenge on me.

- Oh, shut up!

- It would be easier

and a lot cheaper

if you'd just admit you're

still in love with me.

- Do you remember

how happy we were?

How happy we were that day?

You with your ridiculous mullet

and me with a waist this thin

and a smile as wide as my face.

And it was just like, it was

like nobody else mattered.

It was just us.

- I remember.

- If I'd known then

what was coming

and who you really were, I

would never have said yes.

Don't you think for one second

that this is anything

even to do with you.

- Where shall I

send the flowers to?

On second thoughts,

I'll hold off.

'Cause you and I both know

you'll never go through with it!

- Mum! Mum, Mum!

Stop.

Mum!

- Fuck, Mum, I was asleep!

Is everything all right?

- I need you all to hear me.

- What and the neighbours, too?

- Give us space.

Go on back inside.

- I found myself last

night wanting to apologize.

As if I, we've done

something wrong.

We haven't.

We're in love, however difficult

or absurd you might

all find that.

And as a consequence,

we're getting married.

It's really quite simple.

- Yeah, we get the memo.

- Do not interrupt me!

I made out like it would

be a long engagement

because I didn't want any

of you to feel any worse

than you clearly already did.

But I am 60 years old.

And I may be your mother,

but that is not all I am.

I refuse to waste

any more of my life

doing what is best

for other people.

I want to get married soon.

And you know what?

I want to do it here.

Your support would be lovely.

But in the absence of that...

I'd ask of you one thing.

Which, frankly, isn't

very fucking much.

I'd ask that you please

keep your mouths shut.

- Mum?

That was...

That was seriously cool.

- Really?

- Yeah!

Pure She-Ra!

Last night, I...

I should have just done what

a normal person would do

and say congratulations,

given you a hug.

But I didn't.

'Cause I'm so supremely shit

at commitment of any kind,

I can't see past

myself, so I am sorry.

And...

congratulations, Mum.

But can we skip the hug part?

- I'm stuck.

- Hey, I want the blue one.

You can have the green one.

- Okay, there we go.

- Yay!

- Have you got any

preferences as to colors?

quite like yellow.

I don't know any of

the answers to the questions.

- Well, you know, you can just--

You can just join our team.

- Yeah, we need all

the help we can get.

- Dare I ask?

- She's marrying him.

Wow!

I didn't think

she had it in her.

And you're?

- I'm fine.

It's non-news.

- You were married for decades,

it's natural to be upset.

- I'm not upset, I'm really not.

- The lady doth

protest too much.

- We made a deal.

No more worrying

about them, about her.

It's you and me that matters.

- That is a

criminally-sweaty upper lip.

I have some

seriously bat-shit news.

And don't shoot the

messenger, but Mum's...

she's engaged.

- It's good to hear from you.

Are you listening?

Dad, Mum is getting

remarried to that...

Him.

- I know, she told me.

She did?

- Thanks.

You always have my

back, don't you?

Obviously.

You're my dad.

- Do you mind?

- I knocked.

50 quid.

- And in return?

- You make yourself

scarce tonight.

This

is very stalkery.

- Oh, I forgot,

romance is lost on you.

- That's what I like

for you to think.

Secretly, I fucking love it!

Oh, these are beautiful!

Thank you!

Wow!

Is Cali not joining us?

- I tried to persuade her,

but she muttered something

about plans with a friend.

Ah!

Wow!

A male friend?

- Well, let's hope

so, for all our sakes.

- Oh, thank you.

I rather enjoy having

a chaste daughter,

thank you very much.

Oh, wow!

This is such a treat!

Oh, I taught you well!

Cheers, darling.

I think you've given

me gout or diabetes,

I'm not sure which yet.

I'm not complaining.

Just this little, tiny bit.

Mm!

What are you doing?

- Marsha, would you do me

the honor of being my wife?

- Put it away.

Put the ring away, please.

- What, don't you?

Do you not like it?

Well, we can get another,

whatever you want.

It's just it's my mother's.

- I know it's your mother's.

Given that she can't stand me,

it really makes it all the

more perfect, doesn't it?

Get off the floor,

you look ridiculous.

- I don't understand.

- Really?

You don't understand?

- I thought this would be a

nice thing, that you'd be happy.

- Why today?

Why not all the other days?

Because--

- Because of her.

Julia.

It's Julia!

- This has nothing

to do with Julia!

♪ Ba-do-ba-do-ba-de ♪

♪ Oh, life could be a dream ♪

- Oh!

Where did you go?

Oh.

I made you a coffee.

- No, thank you.

- I would've got you flowers.

- I don't want flowers.

- I can see how it

might have looked.

It was a poor decision.

Are we okay?

I really need to

know that we're okay.

- It's Christmas, we have to be.

- And after?

- What should we tell Dad

about, you know, your nuptials?

- I wouldn't worry,

Mum's already

dropped that particular bomb.

- Del, if you're

getting in, get in.

Leo, sorry, mate,

no room at the inn.

- I was going to cycle, anyway.

- When did you tell him?

- Yesterday morning.

- So, when you came

back all guns blazing,

saying that we'd get married

next year, you'd come from his?

The two things aren't related.

- Oh?

Because I am starting to wonder

whether you actually

want to marry me,

or whether this is just some

really fucked-up way

of getting back at Ted.

- I could ask you

the same thing.

Rushing to tell Ali so

that she could. what,

regret her mistake

and come running back?

- I want this.

I'm just not entirely

sure that you do.

You have work yet?

Bibi, it's Christmas,

you're not allowed to ask that.

She's your bibi,

she's allowed to ask

anything she wants.

You have the

same laugh as Dad.

Maybe it's his way

of saying, "I'm still here".

And you, my girls, are

still as foolish as ever.

- Oh!

Oh!

Yo-ho-ho!

Who have we here?

- We're not kids any more.

- Oh, you're a

very dapper Santa!

Charlotte will love it!

She's asleep in the car.

I'd wake her, but

she gets feral.

- Yeah, Della was the same.

She probably still is.

Ah! Hey!

- 11 minutes, six seconds.

Boom!

- Ah!

- I didn't know you were a cook.

- Please, I'm not.

This is your father's handiwork.

Oh, no, thank you.

Mum made a big

breakfast, the works.

- How's uni, Cali?

- I graduated, in summer.

- Sorry, I'm crap.

- No, it's fine.

Thanks for asking.

- It means a lot to

him, you all coming.

- It's for Charlotte's sake.

Right well,

you're here now.

- I don't think there

are any more presents.

I think that's quite enough.

Shall I have a look in my sack?

Oh!

I'm afraid that's it.

But one of my Elfish

spies tells me

that Grandpa and Granny

Marsha have something.

Here.

Too many mince pies.

- Ooh, what's this?

- Wow!

- Oh, what have you got?

- She already has a bike.

- Not a pink one, Dad!

- Deliberately.

- Thumbs up, or thumbs down?

- Aren't you a lucky girl!

- I do want this.

Very good.

- Grandpa!

- I hear I missed Santa.

- He was funny.

- Show Grandpa how good you are.

- Well, we can both--

- Watch me ride, Grandpa.

- I didn't say a

break, I said time-out.

They're very different things.

So, why are

you calling me?

- I wanted to hear your voice.

Hear how you were.

Maybe even dispense

some festive wishes.

Festive wishes?

- Please, Em, please don't.

I hate it when you get upset.

Em, I have to go, I--

Who was that?

- No-one.

- What are you doing

hiding in here?

- I'm not.

I'm admiring your gymnasium.

I don't remember it

being quite so pimp.

- Hm, yeah, we kitted

it out, after we...

And you're welcome

to use it whenever.

Don't go.

Please.

How are you?

Work, life, love.

- Yes to all of the above.

- I'd really like it if we--

- Sorry, Dad, I need a wee.

- Get the others after.

There's something I want

to discuss with you all.

When they were dating, it

was one thing, but marriage?

What do we even

know about this boy?

- What does anyone

know about anyone?

- Philosopher's in the building.

- We know he makes Mum happy.

And he's hardly a boy,

the man's older than me.

- You're right, Dad.

We know sweet FA about Benjamin.

Patrick, tell him

about your digging.

- There's nothing online,

incriminating or otherwise.

The only red flag was

an eviction notice,

but now he's made himself

comfortable in our house.

- Did you tell your mother?

- Yes.

And like all things

Benjamin-related,

she quickly explained it away.

- Well, obviously, you

weren't firm enough.

I should take over.

- Sorry, and this is

to do with you how?

- Hard as you may

find it to believe,

I care about your mother

and I want her to be okay.

Most importantly, I

want you all to be okay.

- You want us to be okay?

- That's what he said, isn't it?

- Have you thought what it

actually means, marriage?

Besides having

someone barely older

than you as your stepfather,

it means Benjamin gets

half of everything.

Half of the house I worked

my whole career to pay off.

Half of the savings,

half of the lot.

And when he leaves your

mother, which he will,

he'll be leaving with

your inheritance.

- I don't care about the money.

- Well, you will when it's gone

and you're stuck forever renting

in whatever shoebox

you end up in.

- What do you suggest we do?

That's the part I'm not hearing.

- I haven't got that far.

I just wanted to

sound you all out,

check we're all in agreement.

- Yep.

We are.

- Della?

- Leave me out of it.

- Why are you always

so obstructive?

- Why are you

always such a dick?

- You don't think the train

has kind of left the station?

- Oh, we're hardly talking about

someone with an iron will here.

- Don't talk that way about Mum!

- Bottom line, I just want

you all, your mother included,

to be protected

against this man.

- Our father, the

great protector.

- Mum will be waiting.

♪ Ba-do-ba-do-ba-de ♪

♪ Oh, life could be a dream ♪

♪ If you don't like the way ♪

♪ I talk then why

am I on your mind ♪

♪ If you don't like

the way I rock ♪

♪ Then finish your

glass of wine ♪

♪ We fight and we argue ♪

♪ You'll still love me ♪

- Nice moves.

♪ If we don't fuck

this whole thing up ♪

♪ Guaranteed I can

blow your mind ♪

- I was just going

to pick up my mum.

You can come, if you like.

- I think she'd prefer

if it was just you.

- Allow me to accept the

things I cannot change.

The courage to change

the things I can

and the wisdom to

know the difference.

Mum?

Mum?

Mum?

- Oh.

Make yourself useful!

- Where's your overnight bag?

I'll load it into the car.

- I'm not coming.

- What do you mean?

- Last year was too awful.

Pretending everything was

normal when it wasn't.

And that dreadful woman!

- Mother, you can't,

she's my partner.

You can't speak about

Marsha like that.

- Mm-hm!

- So, you'd rather

stay here instead?

Spend Christmas Day alone?

Lovely.

- I won't be alone.

Julia's having me over.

- You're going to Julia's

for Christmas Day?

That's what I said.

- To my ex-wife?

You're going to my ex-wife's?

- No fault of mine, that, is it?

- You didn't think

to phone ahead,

tell me not to bother

coming to pick you up?

- We still have

church and I'll need

running over to Julia's after.

- Told you her news, has she?

- What news?

- Oh, so she's not so

attentive after all.

Julia's engaged to

her, to Benjamin.

That's right, Mother, a

divorcee marrying again.

I'm sure there's something

in the Scriptures about that.

- All good wishes to them.

- All good wishes?

This is the woman I married!

- I'm not the one

that forgot that.

- I've loved her

over half my life!

I haven't always liked her,

or been understood by her,

but she is...

she was my one.

- Then you're even more

of a fool than I thought.

Ooh hello!

Come on, I'm going to get you!

- Ah, you giggle-pops, come on.

And one, two--

- Two.

- Three.

Whoo!

- Mum, can I borrow you?

Just, hear me out.

Please, Mum.

Read it before you say anything.

Oh God!

For your sake,

Patrick, I'm going

to pretend that

didn't just happen.

- Prenuptial agreements

are standard practice.

- Did your father

put you up to this?

When you two are united,

that is really saying something.

- He didn't.

I want you to be protected.

If Benjamin's intentions

are good, he won't object.

- You cannot seriously

believe that.

If I ask him to sign

this, it means one thing.

It means I don't trust him.

And then it's over,

which is what you want.

- Look, Mum, this is not

some attack on Benjamin!

No-one goes into marriage

thinking anything other

than it'll last forever.

It's all love and

plans and endless time,

but people change.

- This is about you.

What's going on?

- Nothing.

Everything is fine.

I really need you to do this.

If not for yourself,

then for me.

- It's not fair, Patrick.

- Hello, hello!

Welcome!

Come in, come in.

Ted.

- I'll leave you to

it, then, Mother.

Happy Christmas, I guess.

- And you, son.

You're here!

Come on in, come on.

- Come in, have a drink.

- Who do you think you are?

This is my house!

- Not any more.

- I want you to know

it wasn't my idea.

To have your mother.

I don't want you

to think I'm cruel.

- She prefers you.

And who can blame her?