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1
00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:11,739
Can everyone please be quiet?
Sssshhhhh.
2
00:00:11,740 --> 00:00:15,139
Erm, can you listen to Mr Wickers,
please? Settle down. Hang on.
3
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,499
Hang on. If you want their
attention, start with a joke.
4
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:22,779
What do you call a black milkman?
Right. OK. Hello, everyone.
5
00:00:22,780 --> 00:00:25,379
Welcome to the Abbey Grove
field trip.
6
00:00:25,380 --> 00:00:29,539
Next stop, the Tring Ink Museum
and Petting Zoo.
7
00:00:29,540 --> 00:00:32,539
What do you want? To say a few
words. It's not a wedding.
8
00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:34,339
Now, I only have one rule...
9
00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:39,139
There are no rules. Except,
annoyingly, all of the school rules.
10
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,819
And one new rule.
11
00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:43,819
Please don't do anything
Mitchell dares you to do.
12
00:00:43,820 --> 00:00:44,860
Joe.
13
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:48,299
Joe.
14
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:50,299
Ah, cringe!
15
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,379
Now, smoking is only permitted
at the front of the coach,
16
00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:56,899
so I can suck up all your
second-hand stuff while I'm driving.
17
00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:58,419
All right? Sit down.
18
00:00:58,420 --> 00:01:00,939
Now, there's no lock on the toilet,
19
00:01:00,940 --> 00:01:04,019
so put a sock on the door if you're
docking at Quimsby... Right.
20
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:07,139
If you know what I mean. Um.
Do you maybe want to just put on a video?
21
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:10,139
Oh, yeah. I've got a couple here.
I've got Showgirls
22
00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:11,298
and, er, Predator.
23
00:01:11,299 --> 00:01:12,580
Oh, sweet. Which Predator?
24
00:01:12,581 --> 00:01:13,939
Alfie!
25
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:18,299
Twelve Angry Men.
Is that with Henry Fonda?
26
00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:21,979
Oh, no. My ex-wife and the darts
team. Double top.
27
00:01:21,980 --> 00:01:23,299
Maybe the radio?
28
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:24,740
You got it. You're the boss.
29
00:01:24,741 --> 00:01:29,540
So kids, what do you call
an Indian with thrush?
30
00:01:58,260 --> 00:02:01,939
Now, er, if you look to your left
you'll see the Cock and Goose.
31
00:02:01,940 --> 00:02:05,499
The cubicles are
very well connected.
32
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,339
And if you look to your right,
you'll see a lay-by
33
00:02:08,340 --> 00:02:12,140
that is in my opinion
a tad over lit.
34
00:02:15,620 --> 00:02:20,179
Oi, what you... Why've you got
a bag of miniatures?
35
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:22,939
This shit Irish airline, right,
fired my brother
36
00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:24,779
cos he broke company policy.
37
00:02:24,780 --> 00:02:27,739
How? He helped a customer.
Anyways, when he left,
38
00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:30,100
he jacked a load of these
and a couple of life jackets.
39
00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:33,899
Give me that. Look,
just cos we're not in school
40
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:36,899
doesn't mean you can get drunk.
THESE are confiscated.
41
00:02:43,660 --> 00:02:47,619
It's just those and that hair makes you
look like a guard in a woman's prison.
42
00:02:47,620 --> 00:02:50,099
These are my outdoors clothes.
43
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,819
We're going to the countryside!
44
00:02:52,820 --> 00:02:55,619
Bear Grylls says you have to be
prepared for anything
45
00:02:55,620 --> 00:02:57,419
which is why I am also...
46
00:02:57,420 --> 00:03:00,100
rockin' one of these bad boys.
47
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:04,659
Multi-purpose utility harness.
48
00:03:04,660 --> 00:03:08,059
Is that a spork?!
Yep. For those tricky little jobs
49
00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:10,139
that a fork just can't handle.
50
00:03:10,140 --> 00:03:13,979
Is it supposed to be that tight?!
Yup.
51
00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,659
Can't feel a thing. Chap slap!
52
00:03:15,660 --> 00:03:17,940
Oh! You dick!
53
00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,820
Sir, I need your help.
54
00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:27,499
I want a DMC about relationships.
This boy, Finlay, he...
55
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,300
Sir, why can't we go paint balling?
56
00:03:29,301 --> 00:03:32,539
Because it doesn't benefit
an academic subject.
57
00:03:32,540 --> 00:03:33,580
Art!
58
00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:38,339
Art! We're not going paint balling.
59
00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:42,899
Why is it an ink museum AND a
petting zoo? I don't know, Alfie.
60
00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:44,659
Maybe they've got a squid.
61
00:03:44,660 --> 00:03:46,859
This trip is going to be so dull.
62
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:50,899
Look, I organised this. You told me
you liked animals as well.
63
00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:52,859
Yeah, I do. Tigers and shit.
64
00:03:52,860 --> 00:03:55,899
Anyway, it's a lot better than some
other trips. Yeah, Fraser's taking
65
00:03:55,900 --> 00:04:00,300
the English scholars
to see some boring poetry thing.
66
00:04:03,740 --> 00:04:05,339
Hello.
67
00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:06,780
Where's the rap battle?
68
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:10,140
Tight to me, kids.
69
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:16,020
Ahhhh. Nature red in tooth and claw.
70
00:04:17,860 --> 00:04:22,179
Hey! Maybe we could go camping
on the way BACK from the zoo.
71
00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:25,619
I really want to teach my kids how to
gut a reindeer with a piece of bark.
72
00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:28,499
I can't. I've got to be back
by seven. Why?
73
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,099
I'm going on a date with this guy.
74
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:34,259
Date?! We haven't discussed this.
75
00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:38,219
Why are you going on a date with
a guy?
76
00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:39,699
Who is this "guy"?
77
00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:44,419
I don't know. It's a blind date.
A blind date? Oh.
78
00:04:44,420 --> 00:04:46,139
Very risky.
79
00:04:46,140 --> 00:04:48,459
Where did he find you?
80
00:04:48,460 --> 00:04:51,219
The internet? He's not a weirdo.
He's going to take me...
81
00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:53,779
No, no. Don't tell me.
82
00:04:53,780 --> 00:04:56,299
I'll watch the reconstruction
on Crimewatch. Oh, Alfie!
83
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:59,179
He's a normal guy. Yeah, sure.
84
00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:01,419
Normal guy. Bit of a loner.
85
00:05:01,420 --> 00:05:03,459
Obsessed with sex. Oh, let me guess.
86
00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:05,739
Probably still lives
with his parents.
87
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:09,259
Don't turn this round on me.
88
00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:12,699
Anyway, how old's Fred West?
89
00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:13,860
My date? 23.
90
00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:18,859
23?! But I'm 23!
91
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:21,379
Yeah, but he's an old 23.
92
00:05:21,380 --> 00:05:23,459
It's like this many sleeps
till I'm 24.
93
00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:25,579
Yeah, but he's a teacher.
I'm a teacher!
94
00:05:25,580 --> 00:05:27,460
He teaches mentally challenged
children.
95
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,579
Have you seen my class?!
96
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:31,419
Ow!
97
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:33,139
Ow! Ow! Stop!
98
00:05:33,140 --> 00:05:34,659
Ow!
99
00:05:34,660 --> 00:05:37,379
Look, if you're going to be
like this all journey,
100
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:41,539
I'm going to sit next to Mollinson. Really?
What, and let her show you her holiday photos?
101
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:43,499
Yeah, fine by me.
102
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,740
There's my husband with his snorkel.
103
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,820
And there he is laying out
the tarpaulin.
104
00:05:50,980 --> 00:05:52,820
Have you ever been to Germany?
105
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:57,459
I just don't understand why Fraser
didn't let me organise my own trip.
106
00:05:57,460 --> 00:06:00,340
Er, maybe because
of your science trip?
107
00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:14,499
Right. That was Mitchell's fault.
He said it was like Spiderman.
108
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:18,459
Look, all I'm saying is that
I think I should have taken everyone
109
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:21,659
on like a proper
Bear Grylls expedition.
110
00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:24,939
Teach them how to survive in the
wild. Why would they need that?
111
00:06:24,940 --> 00:06:27,020
What if The Hunger Games came true?
112
00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:32,780
We'll see who's laughing when Jing's killing
one of your kids with a bow and arrow.
113
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:53,499
Welcome to Shrub Wood Farm.
114
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:57,700
Now, unfortunately, we have worms.
115
00:06:58,780 --> 00:07:04,620
I spent all morning fishing this
out of a weasel.
116
00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:08,819
It's an epidemic.
117
00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:14,779
Everything's got them. So remember,
it's a look but don't touch policy.
118
00:07:14,780 --> 00:07:20,180
Er, but a private dance
can be arranged later.
119
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,619
I'm joking.
120
00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:27,100
We had to stop doing that.
121
00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:31,499
So, cubs and, er, girls,
122
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:35,899
have you got any questions
about animals?
123
00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:40,219
Sir, I really need to talk to you. Not now,
Chantelle. The boring man is talking.
124
00:07:40,220 --> 00:07:43,899
Any questions at all?
125
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,300
Why do cows have so many tits?
126
00:07:45,301 --> 00:07:47,019
Well...
127
00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:49,259
the cows have udders.
128
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,020
How come you can call dogs bitches,
129
00:07:51,021 --> 00:07:54,179
but not bitches bitches?
Rem Dogg, behave.
130
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:58,619
Would you rather be a boy with a dog's
head or a dog with a boy's head?
131
00:07:58,620 --> 00:08:01,659
Well, obviously a boy with...
132
00:08:01,660 --> 00:08:03,939
Oi, worms! Is... Is...
Is he talking to me?
133
00:08:03,940 --> 00:08:07,099
My mate Rasheed, yeah, said he found
a beak in one of his McNuggets.
134
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,219
See, I thought the chicken
lays the nugget.
135
00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:11,860
Does it not lay the nugget then?
136
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:16,779
When the female chicken
is impregnated by the male...
137
00:08:16,780 --> 00:08:20,019
Old MacDonald, does the male chicken
lie to the female chicken
138
00:08:20,020 --> 00:08:25,499
just to get into her pants
and then break her heart with a text?
139
00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:30,780
Guys, please. Can we show a little
bit of respect to the farmer man?
140
00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:33,660
Ask some serious questions.
141
00:08:37,940 --> 00:08:40,780
Do all meerkats come from Russia?
142
00:08:50,060 --> 00:08:52,339
This is so depressing.
143
00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:55,699
I know. It's like
they're on a spectrum
144
00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:58,899
that's actually beyond the spectrum.
No, the animals!
145
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,780
I can't bear to see them distressed.
146
00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:04,059
Look! Malnourished, all caged up.
147
00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:06,219
I just hope they're not
upsetting the kids.
148
00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:08,940
Oi, sir. Look at its dick.
It's got shit on it!
149
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:12,259
I think they're coping.
150
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,140
It's got shit on its dick!
151
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:17,939
Now, kids, prepare to be amazed
152
00:09:17,940 --> 00:09:21,939
by Swinonus rhinonium
153
00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:23,940
or the rhino...
154
00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:26,420
pig!
155
00:09:30,940 --> 00:09:34,820
Wow. Your wife got a name?
156
00:09:36,260 --> 00:09:37,699
That is disgusting.
157
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:40,579
I've a good mind to rip off the bars
to that cage
158
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,219
and set that animal free.
159
00:09:42,220 --> 00:09:46,019
I've made a terrible mistake
bringing us all here.
160
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:49,019
Leaving you...
161
00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:51,299
Where's my bitches at?
162
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,899
Show me them titties.
163
00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:54,939
What d'ya say?
164
00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:58,260
Yeah!
165
00:09:59,780 --> 00:10:03,860
Who here thought ink was boring?
166
00:10:09,220 --> 00:10:10,459
OK.
167
00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:14,100
Who here takes a newspaper?
168
00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:21,340
Who's read a book?
169
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:26,459
So, what's your date
doing with you tonight...
170
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,579
apart from turning you into a dress?
171
00:10:28,580 --> 00:10:30,419
Why are you so obsessed with it?
172
00:10:30,420 --> 00:10:32,339
I'm not obsessed.
173
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:36,579
Can anyone tell me
where ink comes from?
174
00:10:36,580 --> 00:10:38,899
A pen. No.
175
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:43,139
Well, it does come from a pen,
don't it? Yes, but...
176
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:44,739
originally?
177
00:10:44,740 --> 00:10:45,819
Ryman's.
178
00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:48,939
Oh, my God. He's talking to them
like they're seven.
179
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:51,140
This is so inappropriate.
180
00:10:56,460 --> 00:10:58,060
Who wishes to play God?
181
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:01,900
Anyone?
182
00:11:11,220 --> 00:11:15,660
What would you do, pig, if you loved
someone that didn't love you?
183
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:20,499
Alfie, are you talking
to the rhino pig? No!
184
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:23,579
I'm just... drinking some Malibu.
185
00:11:23,580 --> 00:11:27,500
I'm depressed, all right? Get
off my back. Why are you depressed?
186
00:11:28,540 --> 00:11:31,659
Miss Gulliver's going on a date
with a guy.
187
00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:34,979
Why can't she see
how much I like her?
188
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,980
Maybe you should let her know.
189
00:11:38,140 --> 00:11:41,659
What, by, like,
making a grand gesture?
190
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,099
Or just tell her.
191
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,139
Yeah, you're right.
192
00:11:45,140 --> 00:11:48,179
I need to let her know
how much I care
193
00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:50,739
by doing something massive,
really bold.
194
00:11:50,740 --> 00:11:54,419
Or just tell her. I've got it.
Just tell her. The pig!
195
00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:58,499
Rosie wants this creature
to be happy,
196
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,019
just like I want her to be happy.
197
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:04,939
Alfie, how much Malibu have you drunk?
It needs to run free. Alfie, don't touch it!
198
00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:07,499
It's got worms. Alfie! Alfie!
Run, piggy!
199
00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:09,979
Go, piggy. Go.
200
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,140
Run!
201
00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:17,979
Miss Gulliver's going to be
pretty impressed.
202
00:12:17,980 --> 00:12:19,100
Yeah!
203
00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:25,339
She's not, is she?
204
00:12:25,340 --> 00:12:26,380
Nah.
205
00:12:32,380 --> 00:12:33,419
Yo!
206
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:38,379
Um, so, I was thinking maybe
we should think about leaving.
207
00:12:38,380 --> 00:12:39,819
What have you done?
208
00:12:39,820 --> 00:12:41,619
Nothing.
209
00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:45,940
I just don't want you
to be late for your date.
210
00:12:49,860 --> 00:12:51,499
What are you wearing tonight?
211
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,819
Why?
212
00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:53,979
Oh, nothing.
213
00:12:53,980 --> 00:12:57,339
It's just I was talking
to Inky earlier
214
00:12:57,340 --> 00:13:00,859
and he says that in his gift shop
he sells real fur coats.
215
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,740
I was thinking maybe
you could buy one,
216
00:13:02,741 --> 00:13:05,299
team it up
with a little otter scarf.
217
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,179
Right. Everyone back on the bus!
218
00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:10,700
Quickly. Wake him up. Take him out.
Off you go. On the bus. Come on.
219
00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:26,620
We've got two routes back.
220
00:13:26,621 --> 00:13:29,299
Motorway at rush hour.
Or?
221
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:30,579
Scenic route.
222
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:32,899
Plenty of lay-bys
to dip into round Tring.
223
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:36,779
Why don't you just use your sat nav
to find the quickest route back?
224
00:13:36,780 --> 00:13:38,739
Never used one, never will.
225
00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:39,980
Why?
226
00:13:41,180 --> 00:13:43,820
Won't be told what to do
by a woman.
227
00:13:53,540 --> 00:13:54,740
We're lost.
228
00:13:56,300 --> 00:14:00,059
Bieber, take the wheel.
I'm not sure I can trust this fart.
229
00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:01,500
I can't! I've been drinking.
230
00:14:01,501 --> 00:14:02,780
So have I.
231
00:14:09,820 --> 00:14:11,260
Watch out!
232
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,859
Jesus! Was it... Was that a person?
233
00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:20,180
Paul's fault! I need to dust the prints
off this wheel. I'm going to check.
234
00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:28,659
Is everyone OK?
235
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,380
If anybody asks, the pig hit US.
236
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,779
How do you think it escaped?
237
00:14:34,780 --> 00:14:38,059
Oh, God. Do you think
someone let it out? Um...
238
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:40,259
Maybe it let itself out.
239
00:14:40,260 --> 00:14:41,940
Does anyone know anything about this?
240
00:14:41,941 --> 00:14:46,459
I won't be annoyed if you're honest
with me. They always say that.
241
00:14:46,460 --> 00:14:49,700
Did you know about this? What?
242
00:14:54,580 --> 00:14:56,379
Fine.
243
00:14:56,380 --> 00:15:00,859
I freed the pig, miss,
because it looked sad. Well,
244
00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:04,500
that's stupid,
but I admire the gesture.
245
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:10,259
You stole my gesture!
Where's my bra, eh?
246
00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:13,259
You've got it, haven't you? You took
it off in the pool, didn't you?
247
00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:15,100
Oh, God. He's concussed.
Sit him down.
248
00:15:15,101 --> 00:15:17,940
Give him some oxygen.
249
00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:24,339
Oh, God. You're going to have to call
the AA. I haven't got any reception.
250
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,099
Neither have I.
251
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:29,819
Well, we can't go back to that farm.
252
00:15:29,820 --> 00:15:33,339
I know! I could trek cross country,
253
00:15:33,340 --> 00:15:35,699
find the nearest town, get help.
254
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:38,259
Oh, OK. But...
255
00:15:38,260 --> 00:15:41,419
Well, come straight back, yeah?
Yeah. Sure.
256
00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:42,459
Right.
257
00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:45,019
I'm going to need
to gather up a team.
258
00:15:45,020 --> 00:15:46,380
Not you.
259
00:15:55,140 --> 00:15:57,899
Lilt goes flat so quickly.
260
00:15:57,900 --> 00:15:59,939
Oh, I love being outside, me.
261
00:15:59,940 --> 00:16:02,419
Reminds me of being in the scouts.
262
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:06,499
Our scoutmaster, Mr Rogers, he was
my hero. Aw, why? What was he like?
263
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:10,099
So brave. This one time, right,
he fought off a bear.
264
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,419
A bear? In England?! No.
265
00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:13,979
In Wales.
266
00:16:13,980 --> 00:16:16,739
We'd all gone skinny dipping
and we came back to the campsite
267
00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:18,620
and Mr Rogers had
fought off this bear
268
00:16:18,621 --> 00:16:21,539
that had broken into our tents
and eaten all of our clothes.
269
00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:23,779
Did you ever see this bear?
270
00:16:23,780 --> 00:16:26,779
No, but it must have been
a very picky bear
271
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,539
cos it didn't touch anything else.
272
00:16:28,540 --> 00:16:30,139
Not even the food.
273
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:33,499
Sir, wasn't there a sign on the road
that said Tring was that way?
274
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:37,259
Signs. We don't need signs.
We're in the wild.
275
00:16:37,260 --> 00:16:39,340
This is the only sign I need...
276
00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:42,420
wind sign.
277
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:48,139
Yup, that's north.
We get through these woods,
278
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:49,180
we'll hit Tring.
279
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:54,339
Lunch?
280
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:57,459
Bear says you never know when
you're going to be able to eat next.
281
00:16:57,460 --> 00:17:00,979
Did you kill this?!
Yep. Used my trowel. It looks like
282
00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:03,619
it's been dead for weeks.
Anyone want a forest berry?
283
00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:05,459
Don't! No, that's a yew berry.
284
00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:07,459
It's the most poisonous berry
in Britain.
285
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:10,059
Uh-huh! They're cranberries.
I know that cos they're red.
286
00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:15,139
Yeah, well, I'm a biology teacher,
so just trust me. Anyone?
287
00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:17,619
Jing? Come on.
You guys eat anything.
288
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:20,300
Like those poo-ey
hundred-year-old eggs. Urgh.
289
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:26,059
Yeah, I'm sure they are delicious,
but so are these berries.
290
00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:28,459
Alfie, we've actually...
Anyone? No? Fine.
291
00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:30,139
More for me.
292
00:17:30,140 --> 00:17:31,820
Mmmmm. Yum, yum, yum.
293
00:17:36,260 --> 00:17:37,459
Fizzy berry.
294
00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:39,820
Oh, screw this. I'm eating my rolls.
295
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:42,459
What?!
296
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:45,540
Packed lunch, bellend.
297
00:17:46,780 --> 00:17:47,819
You...
298
00:17:47,820 --> 00:17:51,019
I tried to tell you, but you
didn't listen. Have some of mine.
299
00:17:51,020 --> 00:17:56,819
No. Fine. No. You eat your
sandwiches with all their E numbers.
300
00:17:56,820 --> 00:17:59,419
I am feasting off Mother Nature.
301
00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:01,340
Ooh! A mushroom!
302
00:18:07,380 --> 00:18:09,899
Right. OK.
303
00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:12,180
How do you gut this?
304
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:17,699
Come on, guys.
305
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:20,059
We need to keep moving.
306
00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:21,580
Alfie?
307
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:27,379
We're being followed.
308
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:29,739
Are you OK? His eyes look funny.
309
00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:32,939
He looks like my brother
after he came back from Ibiza!
310
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:37,220
Alfie, do you know where we are?
311
00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:42,499
Will somebody please tell that frog
312
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:44,900
I do not want to smoke his pipe.
313
00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:47,939
People!
314
00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:49,299
A bush.
315
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:52,659
Everyone wave. Get their attention.
I know. I'll chuck a rock at them.
316
00:18:52,660 --> 00:18:54,739
No, don't! Don't. We need their help.
317
00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:57,059
Hello! Come on, guys. Help me.
318
00:18:57,060 --> 00:18:58,659
Hello!
319
00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:01,059
Help us!
320
00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:03,539
Help us.
321
00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:04,899
Over here!
322
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:06,140
Where's Alfie?
323
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,860
Shitty harness.
324
00:19:12,420 --> 00:19:14,379
Nobody drink from the stream.
325
00:19:14,380 --> 00:19:16,299
They were really bad berries.
326
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:19,740
Look at that! Look at that! Bloody
disgusting.
327
00:19:22,020 --> 00:19:23,779
Disgusting. Bloody kids!
328
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:26,180
Oi! Oi!
329
00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:29,140
Sir shitted in the river.
330
00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:35,179
That was so sick. Why do YOU have
to ruin everything? Rosie...
331
00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:36,699
No. No. I organised this day,
332
00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:39,419
but you decide it's rubbish,
so you make it rubbish.
333
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:43,059
You hated the farm too. I told you not to
eat those berries and what did you do?
334
00:19:43,060 --> 00:19:45,419
OK. I admit that. You're stupid.
335
00:19:45,420 --> 00:19:48,139
You're immature. You only ever
think about yourself.
336
00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:49,979
I think about you all the time.
337
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:53,619
That's why I let the piggy free.
338
00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:55,259
You let the pig free?
339
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:56,738
You said you admired the gesture.
340
00:19:56,739 --> 00:19:58,620
Yeah, I admire it being made
by a child.
341
00:19:58,621 --> 00:20:02,339
But it's free-ee-ee. I can't believe you
think I'd ever be interested in you.
342
00:20:02,340 --> 00:20:05,380
You're such a pathetic,
selfish, little boy.
343
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:12,619
I think I might need a dock leaf.
344
00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:14,820
That bog roll was a little nettle-y.
345
00:20:26,460 --> 00:20:27,859
Go away.
346
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:30,619
I want to be on my own for a bit.
What's that, sir?
347
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,260
I've dug myself a bucket.
348
00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:37,459
I'm sorry for being agro.
It's cos my man...
349
00:20:37,460 --> 00:20:41,220
Finlay. He left her. He's my first
long-term relationship.
350
00:20:42,460 --> 00:20:44,259
And by long-term...?
351
00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:47,739
He took me to Strada, like, twice.
OK.
352
00:20:47,740 --> 00:20:51,699
He said he loved me
just so he could sleep with me.
353
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:54,259
What happened? He slept with me.
354
00:20:54,260 --> 00:20:56,299
No, I meant after that.
355
00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:59,699
Oh. He told me I wasn't mature
enough. But I am mature.
356
00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:01,019
I like Adele
357
00:21:01,020 --> 00:21:03,740
and I've not been in Claire's
Accessories for, like, two years.
358
00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:08,380
Sir, why don't you come sit with us?
359
00:21:09,860 --> 00:21:12,739
I don't think Miss Gulliver
wants to talk to me much.
360
00:21:12,740 --> 00:21:14,660
But we do.
361
00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:19,459
OK.
362
00:21:19,460 --> 00:21:20,500
I guess.
363
00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:29,499
Hey, guys.
364
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:32,620
Sorry about the... stream and stuff.
365
00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:42,619
Look. Don't worry. I'll make a fire.
I got all the badges in scouts.
366
00:21:42,620 --> 00:21:44,499
Fire-making, knot-tying,
367
00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:45,618
secret-keeping.
368
00:21:45,619 --> 00:21:47,580
There isn't a badge
for keeping secrets.
369
00:21:47,581 --> 00:21:49,219
Er, shows how much you know.
370
00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:52,699
Mr Rogers said it was the most
important badge a scout could get.
371
00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:56,379
Look, if we're going to get this fire lit,
we're going to need to work as a team.
372
00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:58,699
Chantelle, Joe.
You go looking for kindling.
373
00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:02,299
Mitchell, Stephen. We're going
to need flints. Ideally quartz.
374
00:22:02,300 --> 00:22:06,219
Anything that's going to be able
to create a spark...
375
00:22:06,220 --> 00:22:08,739
You ALL smoke?
376
00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:10,979
Jesus.
377
00:22:10,980 --> 00:22:13,259
I'm a terrible role model.
378
00:22:13,260 --> 00:22:15,819
They call me teach
Because I do.
379
00:22:15,820 --> 00:22:18,219
I'll bring you times tables
Three times two.
380
00:22:18,220 --> 00:22:21,659
You'll think you're bad ass
But I tell you UCAS would disagree.
381
00:22:21,660 --> 00:22:24,939
No university going to give you
A degree so don't try for LSE
382
00:22:24,940 --> 00:22:28,259
Cos you'll need
A dual science award at GCSE.
383
00:22:28,260 --> 00:22:30,619
And the only way
You wouldn't need that
384
00:22:30,620 --> 00:22:33,540
Is if your school had been on
International Baccalaureate.
385
00:22:35,860 --> 00:22:37,899
So go figure, pull the trigger
386
00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:40,139
Shit's getting bigger, my...
387
00:22:40,140 --> 00:22:42,180
Man.
388
00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:44,380
Brap.
389
00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:48,540
Ah, finally. Look, cars!
390
00:22:49,580 --> 00:22:51,300
Right. I'll go ask them for help.
391
00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:02,979
Hello! Um...
392
00:23:02,980 --> 00:23:05,779
Could you give me a hand?
393
00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:07,699
Oh, God. Jesus.
394
00:23:07,700 --> 00:23:09,019
He's a wriggler, Geoff.
395
00:23:09,020 --> 00:23:12,739
Get off. IT'S All RIGHT.
They're friendly.
396
00:23:12,740 --> 00:23:16,139
Could you just let go? Sorry.
I think it might alarm the children.
397
00:23:16,140 --> 00:23:19,379
You brought your kids?! Oh, leave
him, Geoff. He's probably Cornish.
398
00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:21,780
I'm terribly sorry.
I think there might have been
399
00:23:21,781 --> 00:23:23,780
a little bit
of a misunderstanding here.
400
00:23:23,781 --> 00:23:27,699
I'm not actually a dogger per se.
401
00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:29,859
We've got ourselves a puppy, Pam.
402
00:23:29,860 --> 00:23:31,579
We don't bite. Unless you ask.
403
00:23:31,580 --> 00:23:35,299
Look I'm a teacher
at Abbey Grove School.
404
00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:40,939
Oh! Do you know Olive Mollinson?
Yes. And of course you do too.
405
00:23:40,940 --> 00:23:44,179
Um, we've had a bit
of a traffic accident.
406
00:23:44,180 --> 00:23:47,859
Olive's currently stuck on a coach
with a load of children
407
00:23:47,860 --> 00:23:52,579
and we'd really appreciate
your help getting back.
408
00:23:52,580 --> 00:23:55,979
Oh, sorry, love. Of course we'll
help. Would you give us ten minutes?
409
00:23:55,980 --> 00:23:59,259
Oh, yes. Terribly sorry.
410
00:23:59,260 --> 00:24:02,219
Of course. You can stay if you want.
You can stay.
411
00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:05,980
I... I think I'll pass.
Suit yourself.
412
00:24:08,940 --> 00:24:12,219
How many of you are there?!
Four. Four.
413
00:24:12,220 --> 00:24:15,780
Five. Didn't see you down there,
Robin. Sorry about that, mate.
414
00:24:26,980 --> 00:24:31,779
Everything OK? Yup. What the hell
are they doing, sir? Are they...?
415
00:24:31,780 --> 00:24:34,820
They're probably... Bird watching!
Yeah. Yup. They're bird watching.
416
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:39,539
They're going to drive us home
in ten minutes. They're just, er...
417
00:24:39,540 --> 00:24:42,099
finishing off a Robin.
418
00:24:42,100 --> 00:24:44,460
At night? Yeah.
419
00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:55,740
Where...?!
420
00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:09,300
So, we made it.
421
00:25:10,380 --> 00:25:12,779
Alfie, I...
422
00:25:12,780 --> 00:25:15,459
I just want to... No.
423
00:25:15,460 --> 00:25:18,619
Before you say anything,
424
00:25:18,620 --> 00:25:21,259
you're right, I am an idiot.
425
00:25:21,260 --> 00:25:23,539
No, I over-reacted.
426
00:25:23,540 --> 00:25:26,179
Look, I do a lot of...
427
00:25:26,180 --> 00:25:28,699
stupid things,
428
00:25:28,700 --> 00:25:32,019
but I don't do it
429
00:25:32,020 --> 00:25:34,299
because I'm trying
to be selfish.
430
00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:37,940
I do it because I care about you...
431
00:25:40,020 --> 00:25:42,940
even if you don't like me.
432
00:25:44,300 --> 00:25:45,979
I do like you.
433
00:25:45,980 --> 00:25:47,939
You mean a lot to me
434
00:25:47,940 --> 00:25:52,059
and I'm sorry...
435
00:25:52,060 --> 00:25:55,139
Sorry for me.
436
00:25:55,140 --> 00:25:57,499
Oh, come here.
437
00:25:57,500 --> 00:26:02,100
Ohhh. You've got such a good heart.
438
00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:09,219
Have you just been sick on my back?
439
00:26:09,220 --> 00:26:11,860
Berries.
440
00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:26,260
Do you want me to scoop it up
with my trowel? Yeah.
441
00:26:43,780 --> 00:26:46,139
Look, sir. A long rubber branch.
442
00:26:46,140 --> 00:26:48,899
Is this for the birds to perch on?
443
00:26:48,900 --> 00:26:51,339
Do branches have veins?!
444
00:26:51,340 --> 00:26:53,420
Joe, put that down.
445
00:27:07,340 --> 00:27:09,779
So, we got back in time after all.
Yeah.
446
00:27:09,780 --> 00:27:12,459
I have to admit, you did sort of
save the day in the end.
447
00:27:12,460 --> 00:27:14,060
Don't worry it was nothing.
448
00:27:16,340 --> 00:27:19,779
You, er, looking for a lift home?
449
00:27:19,780 --> 00:27:22,619
There's two routes.
The B roads round Wendover
450
00:27:22,620 --> 00:27:24,339
or we can get the M25...
451
00:27:24,340 --> 00:27:27,259
Sshhh. You had me at Wendover.
452
00:27:27,260 --> 00:27:29,300
Not yet, luv. Not yet.
453
00:27:33,220 --> 00:27:34,779
Your carriage awaits.
454
00:27:34,780 --> 00:27:36,339
Where's he taking you?
455
00:27:36,340 --> 00:27:38,779
Strada.
456
00:27:38,780 --> 00:27:41,299
Hi, you must be Finlay.
457
00:27:41,300 --> 00:27:43,859
Rosie, it's so nice to meet...
Finlay?
458
00:27:43,860 --> 00:27:46,699
Finlay?! You bastard!
459
00:27:46,700 --> 00:27:48,420
He's not worth it, babes.
460
00:27:49,460 --> 00:27:51,580
Oh, God.
461
00:27:53,780 --> 00:27:55,860
Where's Fraser?
462
00:28:00,020 --> 00:28:02,339
Hi. Um, have you seen
seven children?
463
00:28:02,340 --> 00:28:06,699
All English scholars about yea high.
Smell of Wotsits.
34666
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