Original subtitles

[radio static]

Hello, Australia.

ALF calling Australia. Come in please.

Good day.

What's the matter, a dingo got your tongue?

ALF to Australia. ALF to Australia. Come in.

- Say, what are you doing? - Willie.

I've got the most brilliant money-making plan ever devised.

I'm glad you asked.

Did you know that it's already tomorrow in Australia?

Well.. that's because to get there you have to cross

the international date line.

Well, that's fascinating, for those of us who care.

Why the racing form?

It's all part of the plan.

See, I'm trying to get an Australian to check

tomorrow's "LA Times" and tell me who's gonna win

the Pick Six tonight at Hollywood Park.

[laughs]

Oh, I can't believe no one's thought of this before.

Um.... Heh. Let me try to explain here.

Uh, it's not really tomorrow there.

Well, it is for them but for us it's today.

You see, the time is the same, it's just it's different days.

Go ahead, make the bet.

[beeping over radio]

What's that?

I don't know, Willie. Listen, listen.

[beeping over radio]

- This can't be possible. - What? What's not possible?

This message, it's in Melmacian code.

Someone's trying to contact me.

[theme music]

Did you get it? Have you translated the code?

You're not gonna believe this.

- What does it say? - They're coming to get me.

- Who? Who's coming to get you? - My friends Skip and Rhonda.

They've been trying to contact me for days.

Seems they bought a new planet and they want me to join them

in the beginning of a new Melmac.

Now, are you sure you copied it down right?

I mean, I wouldn't wanna get my..

Your hopes up.

I certainly don't need to decode that.

I don't understand. How can you just buy a planet?

Well, they got a good deal on a foreclosure.

You know what this means?

It means a chance for a new homeland

where liberty and freedom and the rights of the individual

will reign supreme.

As soon as we buy off the natives

with some cheap trinkets.

Well, I guess we should have expected this day might come.

When are Skip and Rhonda coming for you?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's with the bum's rush here?

Well, we assume by our..

Your excitement that you're going.

Well, maybe, maybe not.

There's a lot to consider.

Not the least of which is the $600

they want for a security deposit.

That's not a problem.

Somebody get her a hanky.

- ALF, don't go. - Oh, finally.

You know, it's not that we're anxious

to see you leave, exactly.

It's just that

well, this should be the fulfillment of a dream.

We don't wanna stand in your way.

Nice save.

Man.

How can I make a decision like this?

Whatever I decide I lose something.

When do you have to let them know?

Well, they said they're gonna broadcast

another message tomorrow.

[beeping]

[sighs]

What do you suppose it means, colonel?

Do you really think there's something out there

trying to reach us?

I hope so.

I hate begging for funding

every year with pictures of Frisbees

taken by some gas-station attendant in the Ozarks.

- Colonel. - Did you get through to NASA?

Afraid he's as stumped as we are, sir.

Ugh.

What is it? What does it mean?

What we have is a continuously repeating signal.

It's not coming from a satellite or any other man-made device.

It's originating from deep space,

and it appears to be coming closer.

We have every available computer working on this night and day.

We will find out what this means, alright, sergeant?

Yes, sir.

I love it when he takes control.

- What's that, sergeant? - Uh, nothing, sir.

Oh, hey. Hey, look, Brian.

Here's that kick-me sign I tapped to your back

your first day of school four years ago.

Oh, wow.

That was the day I learned

how to run really, really fast.

Oh, oh. And here's that fake finger

I put in your mashed potatoes.

I didn't think it was possible to spit anything that far.

[laughs]

Oh, hey, remember this? The arrow?

The arrow through the head?

Remember?

"Help me, Brian! Help me! Help me!"

Oh, we've had some fun times together, ALF.

Yeah, we sure have.

Are you gonna go away?

I can't make up my mind.

Could I go with you?

Aw, come on, Brian.

You've got a life full of accomplishments ahead of you.

You'll meet people, you'll fall in love.

She'll break your heart, you'll find somebody better.

You'll have children, they'll break your heart.

Eventually, you'll grow old and die.

You don't wanna miss out on all that, do you?

No, I guess not.

Thattaboy.

[laughing]

Oh, ah, what a maroon.

What's it say? What's it say?

They're still coming, aren't they?

If I want them to.

Well, they're not gonna land here, are they?

Because I've seen the way you guys park.

They've given me coordinates

to a landing spot on the edge of town.

Seems they only have enough fuel

for one pass so it's now or never.

How will they find you?

Well, Skip said to be there right on the stroke of midnight

wearing a trench coat and a fedora.

[beeping]

- Uh-oh. - What? What was that?

They want my answer.

[Jeopardy theme music over radio]

[sighs]

I hate it when they push me like that.

What do I do?

What do I tell them?

You might wanna make sure your answer

is in the form of a question.

What's the right answer?

I mean, do I give up all that I have

for what might only be a pipe dream?

Do I leave my loved ones for a chance at freedom?

I can't decide. I can't. I can't.

Just close your eyes tightly.

What's the first thing you see?

[dramatic music]

Well, ahem what did you tell them?

I'm going.

But I'm not chipping in for gas.

Okay, I'll tell him. Right.

Colonel, we were just informed.

That last transmission didn't come from space.

It, uh.. It came from Earth.

Earth?

Can you be more specific?

Uh, yes, sir. That would be the third planet

from the sun, sir.

Thank you, lieutenant.

I believe what I meant was where on Earth

did that transmission come from?

Lieutenant, we are not in this for fun.

This is the real thing.

If there's going to be an encounter

I don't wanna be sitting around with my finger up my nose

because some smart-aleck jokester didn't do his job.

Now, I don't care what you have to do

or what lie you have to tell

but I want that code cracked and I want it cracked now.

Do you understand me, lieutenant?

Now move.

And that goes for all of you.

His wife's in Bermuda.

Hey, hey, this is supposed to be my going-away party.

Come on, let's "Boogie Oogie Oogie"

till we just can't boogie no more.

He's right, you know.

As hard as it is to say goodbye, we should be happy for him.

It's a time to celebrate. Right, Kate?

I'm fine. I'm on my second piece of cake.

I'm gonna miss you most of all.

ALF, before you go

um, this would be a good time

we thought to express how we feel about you.

[sighs]

When you first landed in our garage

I was just a shy, awkward little girl with braces

but since then you have taught me that anything is possible.

Because of you I can never ever

again close my mind to new ideas.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that wherever you--

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

This isn't funny.

Where are the jokes?

Where are the cheap shots?

I want you to have this in hopes that in years to come

when you're far away, you'll wear it and think of me.

Oh. Your locket.

Look. It's a picture of Elvis and Mary Tyler Moore

from "A Change of Habit."

Lynn, how could I ever forget you?

Well, come on, come on. Who's next?

Brian?

Here. I made this for you.

An original Brian Tanner.

See, here's us on Earth, and here's you on your new planet.

We're really not all that far away from each other.

Thanks, B.

Goodbye, ALF.

We'll always be best friends?

[Kate sighs]

ALF, um..

...we've been together for what, 10 years?

Going on four.

Really?

Well, as you know, we haven't always gotten along.

Or been that close.

But we have seen each other naked.

Whatever.

But family members often disagree with each other.

It doesn't mean they love each other any less.

[chuckles]

I guess having you with us

has enriched our family.

It's given each of us a new perspective on life and living

and taught us incredible survival skills.

You know, whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Well, ALF, I don't know what to say.

You've certainly turned our lives inside out

but you've also made us laugh.

You've expanded our horizons.

You've given us experiences

that no other family on Earth can share.

And, although it's gonna leave a big void

right in the middle of our lives

it means that you're going to have a chance

to live a life with dignity and purpose.

The life that awaits you in your new home.

And I think it's that thought

that makes the idea of missing you bearable.

Oh, Willie, take me with you.

You're the one that's going.

Oh, yeah.

I was caught up in the moment.

Well, we thought it was only

proper this time, to give you this.

A stick.

Look, everybody. Willie gave me a stick.

Not just any stick.

This is a stick from the roof of our garage.

The garage that you crashed into

almost four years ago now.

Read what it says.

"To ALF. If you ever drop in again,

please use the front door. Love, the Tanners."

Thanks, guys.

Now I'd like to say something, if I might.

Go ahead, ALF.

I wanna thank you for taking me in

and making me feel like family.

Oh, ALF.

And if I have one regret

it's that I couldn't walk among humans unafraid.

Walk up to some Joe Citizen and say

"Hey, Joe, wanna grab a brewski and talk about the Lakers?"

But I can do that where I'm going

although none of us are named Joe.

Well, Eric's in his car seat.

It's time to go.

I can't let you leave without doing this.

Uh-oh.

(ALF) Oh.

Be happy.

Come on. You're gonna be late.

I'll be right out.

[instrumental music]

[car door closes]

[car cranks over]

Well, goodbye, house.

[car horn honks]

Four years and they give me a stick.

[scoffs]

Good news, sir.

We cracked the code.

What is it?

It appears that an alien spacecraft

is about to rendezvous with one of its own.

I knew it! I knew it! We're not crazy!

We haven't wasted the last 10 years of our lives.

The, uh, coordinates would indicate that the contact point

is a field just outside of Los Angeles at, uh, 2400 hours.

Damn! I wanted to be there for it.

Alright. Alert LA. Tell them to get moving.

Oh, and tell them to keep a low profile.

We don't wanna scare 'em away.

Gentlemen, get ready to go down in history.

[chuckles]

[cricket chirping]

[sighs]

Willie.

ALF, we just stopped five minutes ago.

I wanna be sure.

Have you ever used a bathroom at zero gravity?

You think I'm messy at home.

[breaks squealing]

[instrumental music]

(officer over radio) 'We're about five minutes from rendezvous point.'

'No visual contact.'

'Please advise.'

The UFO has been picked up on radar.

It's right on course.

Proceed with caution. Code yellow.

[beeping]

[music continues]

Well I guess this must be it.

Nothing to do now but unload the car and wait.

We have established visual contact with ground zero.

There's an unknown civilian vehicle on site.

- Please advise. - Good. Stay calm.

Go to code green.

Good luck, men.

(Kate) It's a fine night to leave the galaxy.

Does anyone know what poison oak looks like?

Why is this so heavy?

- Isn't this our VCR? - Oh, is it? Ha.

You know, I couldn't remember whether

I bought that or if you guys, uh..

Keep it. I insist.

As I recall, you only had two suitcases when you got here.

What's in these boxes, anyway?

[whirring]

ALF, your ride's here.

[wind whooshing]

Safe home, my friend.

Hey, no problem.

We'll be going against traffic.

[dramatic music]

ALF! Someone's coming!

Get back here!

What?

[whimpering]

Uh-oh.

[spaceship whirs]

Wait! Wait!

Don't leave me!

ALF!

Dad, do something!

Stay right where you are.

Uh, hey, guys.

You wanna grab a brewski?

What about those Lakers, huh?

Just my luck.

Not a sports fan among you.

[theme music]

[ALF laughs]