Original subtitles

[ALF chuckles]

Yes. Yes. Park Place is mine.

That completes my empire.

This isn't any fun. You won everything.

Just call me Harry Helmsley. You could be Leona.

Here. Here's a "Get out of jail free" card.

[laughs]

[car approaching]

ALF, I think that's Robert and Lynn.

When is she gonna get over this guy?

Why? Robert seems like a very nice young man.

Willie, he's a mime.

That's how he's helping to put himself through college.

Hating mimes is the one thing that could bring the world

together in a common cause.

Come on, Brian.

- Hi. - Hi, guys.

Robert, nice to see you again.

What did you two do all evening?

Robert was teaching me a movement in mime.

- She's pretty good. - Oh, really.

What did you learn?

Woman riding escalator.

[Kate chuckles] Very good, honey.

And it can only get better.

Well, I have to go.

I have a self-defense class for mimes in the morning.

Night.

I had an extraordinary time.

But I told you that already.

Goodnight.

Ho-ho. You never kiss me like that.

What is it, the hair? Because I could shave.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

"Sodium citrate, citric acid

malic acid, sulfuric acid."

- Let me see that. - Ha, ha!

Gotcha on that last one.

What is all that stuff?

Didn't you have food additives on Melmac?

No. We had the odd rodent part

but technically that was a preservative.

Oh, ALF. Come on, big guy.

Time for bed.

Now, my cousin, Freda, she found an entire rat head

although she shouldn't have been surprised.

She found it in a can of rat head soup.

- Hi. - Oh, hi, sweetheart.

How was the game?

You'll never guess what happened at half time.

Everyone went home again?

I won the raffle.

So I sort of felt obligated

to stay for the rest of the game.

Oh. That's great. What did you win?

An all-expense-paid weekend for two at a ski resort.

I'll go, but I'm not gonna cook.

So who are you going to take? Joanie?

Oh, right. I'm taking Robert.

- Robert? - Yeah.

In fact, we're gonna go this weekend.

I can't wait to get up into the mountains

and breathe all that fresh air, go for long walks in the snow

sit by the fire.

Sip cheap wine out of a box.

[sighs] Lynn, I can't believe you'd plan this kind of a trip

without asking permission.

Permission? Mom, I'm 19.

She has a point, if you ask me.

No one's asking you.

Okay, that's a point for you. It's tied one-all.

Get out.

You didn't say, "Godzilla says."

But perhaps I didn't hear.

[sighs] Okay, you may be 19

but as long as you live in this house--

Oh, that is such a mother thing to say.

What's the matter? Don't you trust me?

(ALF) 'Score another point for Lynn.'

Look, I just don't think it's right for you

to go away for the weekend

with someone you hardly know. Okay?

You hardly know him. I happen to know him very well.

I can't believe you're acting like this.

What's going on? What did ALF do now?

Ha. For once, you're wrong.

I was merely being annoying.

Would somebody care to fill me in?

Lynn won a raffle, and apparently

the winner gets to sleep with Robert.

Excuse me?

Lynn won a weekend trip to a ski resort.

- 'I see.' - She intends to take Robert.

I'm sorry if you don't trust me, but I'm going.

Ooh!

Hey, you want to know what I think?

'Apparently not.'

[instrumental music]

[slurping]

[clanking]

[ALF burps]

You know, I don't understand why Lynn didn't just lie.

Well, maybe that's your way, ALF

but not everybody's like that.

Well, it's a curse.

Fortunately, I have the boyish charm to pull it off.

Coffee? Dad, it's after 10 o'clock.

I don't expect any of us will be sleeping much tonight anyway.

Oh, Willie, our little girl's growing up.

It seems just like yesterday

she was wearing her first training bra.

Which raises the question..

What can they do now that they couldn't do before?

- Get out. - I haven't finished my snack.

Your bowl is empty.

The refrigerator isn't.

Out.

Lynn, you know, you could ease this whole situation.

How? By promising nothing will happen

that mom doesn't want to happen?

Dad. You don't want me to be a hypocrite.

Well, I don't want to rule out any options just yet.

You guys raised me to be able to think for myself.

And to make the right decision.

And so you have. As far as I know.

Then why does mom think I'm gonna suddenly stop doing that?

Well, I guess she wants to be sure that

your right decision is...right.

That's not okay anymore.

I don't want to make mom unhappy

but if I make her a promise, I want to keep it.

And if situations occur

and I'd have to break that promise..

Well, you see my point.

Absolutely.

Is this making you uncomfortable?

Absolutely.

I'm glad we had this talk.

- I'll see you in the morning. - Abs..

Goodnight.

Willie, when it comes time to have this talk with Brian

I'll handle it.

[instrumental music]

I take it the trip is still on.

It was never off.

Good for you, Lynn. Stick by your guns.

ALF, please, I've had enough for one day.

Oh, chill out, huh?

How long have you had this down comforter?

You can't have it.

You're too materialistic.

You should never fall in love with anything

that can't love you back.

Ask your dad.

Ah. Ah.

- What are you doing? - Ah.

Any chance you'll get snowed in up there?

You can't have my room.

Yeah, well, what if I had a broken leg

and couldn't get up to the attic?

You still couldn't have my room.

Okay, okay.

What if I had two broken legs

and six months to live?

Make it three months, you got a deal.

Ha! I would've settled for two. Ha!

So when do you go over the wall?

First thing in the morning.

I wish it didn't have to be like this.

Well, if it's any consolation, I went through the same thing.

Your mother didn't approve of Rhonda?

No. She had a reputation.

She skied around.

Of course, that's how we met.

We won't go into that.

[instrumental music]

No, Brian, it's fine.

Now, as soon as Lynn leaves, I'm gonna yell, "Fire."

While everyone runs for their lives

you move everything of mine into Lynn's room.

Does Lynn know about this?

[chuckles] Are you kidding? It was her idea.

- So can I count on you? - No. I'm not so stupid anymore.

Yeah, well, don't kid yourself.

Brian. Brian.

Kate, I was just bringing you this.

Oh, thanks, honey.

You didn't get much sleep last night, did you?

No.

Maybe you should switch to decaf.

[car horn honks]

Robert just pulled up.

Then you're determined to go through with this.

Yeah. I bet you never thought you'd live to see

your own daughter go off to the mountains.

[knock on door]

- Good morning. - Hi.

Good morning, Mr. Tanner, Mrs. Tanner.

Robert.

Guess what, when I called the hotel to confirm

they said they were giving us a suite

with a fireplace and a hot tub.

Isn't that great?

What? What does that mean?

Wait, wait, I should know this. I'm a mime.

It means you should have waited in the car. Let's go.

I see.

Well, as we say in the business..

[ALF humming]

Whoops. I mean...fire!

[chuckles]

[humming]

[instrumental music]

[car approaching]

Oh, they're here. Honey, what am I going to do?

I am so mad at myself over the way I handled this.

Or didn't handle this.

She'll understand, now that the two of you

had a couple of days to relax.

Lynn's probably so relaxed she'll have to be wheeled in.

May I suggest you shut up?

And go clean your stuff out of Lynn's room?

You know, I still can't believe she agreed to let you use it.

Hey, I've got it right here in writing.

- That's your handwriting. - It was dictated but not read.

Hi.

¶ The minute she walked In the joint pom pom ¶

Oh, ALF.

I'm sorry about the way I left.

I talked it over with Robert.

I don't want us to be angry with each other.

- Are we okay? - Honey.

Honey, let's just put it all behind us.

Oh, I'm for that.

- Hi, Dad. - Hi. Hi.

So how was your trip?

Yeah. How'd you make out?

[chuckles]

For heaven's sake.

Oh, like you're not dying to know.

The sunsets were gorgeous.

The snow was a pale blue

and there were all these, these fire torches from the ski patrol

as they carried the injured down off the bunny slope.

Well, I-I'm glad you had a good time.

He is so neat.

We talked about everything.

Philosophy, music, books.

He told me about his childhood, his fears.

And we thought about the future

what it would be like to live together.

Whoa. Back up. Back up. Back up.

I knew that was wrong the second it came out of my mouth.

I'm glad you realize what a mistake it would be.

That's not exactly what I said.

You mean you talked to him seriously

about the two of you living together?

And what if we did?

Uh, I have to agree with your mother here, Lynn.

Uh, that's just totally out of the question.

- Why? - Yeah, why?

Lynn, stay out of this. I mean you s..

Lynn, you're too young.

Dad, some of my friends from high school are married already.

What would you do for money?

Hey, she skis now.

That's gotta be worth something.

All I said was that we talked about living together.

- What's the big deal? - Oh!

Sweetheart, we just don't feel you're ready

to make this kind of decision.

Maybe it's time we found out.

Hey, you guys, if it's any consolation

I'll never leave you.

[instrumental music]

[whistling]

[knock on door]

Hey, what a surprise.

- Hi. Can I come in? - Are you kidding?

[chuckles]

We just left each other. Going out already?

Well, what can I say? I'm a workaholic.

Robert, remember that discussion we had about us living together?

Mm-hm.

This would be a good time for me.

Oh.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Well, I guess I just dropped a bomb, didn't I?

No, no, no. It's, uh, it's-it's..

You know, we-we should talk about this.

I mean, I'd, uh, I'd have to fix up the apartment.

Please, I can't take all this affection.

Honey, y-you know I'm crazy about you.

But not at sea level.

It's just that I thought we were talking about

sometime in the, oh

say, unspecified, indeterminate future.

Then what was all that talk when we were in the mountains?

Did you just think I'm just some girl

that needs to hear promises?

What has your mother done now?

I just mentioned that we might eventually one day

move in together and she went nuts.

Why did you have to say anything at all?

Because. Just because.

Well, that's all the reason

I need to start our lives together.

Okay. Okay, I'll go back.

I'll play Suzy Creamcheese one more time

but I won't promise to like it.

Leave me something.

You know, it might not be so bad.

You'd be doing what she wants.

She's just gonna think that you're incredibly mature.

Yeah, she wants me to be mature.

She just doesn't want me to grow up. Thanks.

[instrumental music]

Have I thanked you lately for driving

your daughter out of the house?

Can you try to have a little compassion?

This has been a very upsetting weekend for us.

I resent that. I care deeply for Lynn.

You're not thinking of moving back, are you?

Tenant protection laws are very strict in this state.

ALF.

Dad, can I speak to mom alone?

Of course.

ALF, get out.

What is this? All I hear lately is "ALF, get out."

What do you want?

(both) Get out.

Fine. Just say so.

Mom, I admit I shouldn't have left like that.

That's one thing we're both able to agree on.

I just don't think that I have to ask your permission

for everything I do anymore.

Well, at least we should be able to discuss it

so I can force you to change your mind

if I disagree with you.

[Lynn scoffs]

Mom, I'm not your little girl anymore.

You're going to have to trust me

to be able to make my own mistakes.

Well, did you have to cram them all into one weekend?

Okay. What's the, what's the problem here?

You must have assumed that one day

I would have a serious relationship.

Okay, okay, look...I know this is gonna sound corny

but I had this kind of plan

that-that you and I would have this incredibly profound talk

about all the things that were gonna happen

when you were about to

go skiing.

Mom, we're both adults. Can we drop the euphemism?

I'd rather not, thank you.

Anyway, I-I thought when you grew up

we'd talk about our hopes and our dreams

how it would be.

Kind of like Terms of Endearment

without me screaming for your medication.

[laughs] As nice as that sounds.

Oh, you are still my little girl

and, and it kind of meant the end of something.

It meant the end of something special.

I mean, there were so many things I..

Did I say it all? Did I give you enough?

Oh, Lynnie.

Lynnie, where did the time go?

[sobbing] I'm sorry. I had no idea.

[sniffles] It's okay. It's okay.

It's just a mother's guilt trip.

Well, you're surprisingly good at it.

[laughs] Listen, if I start saying,

"My feet are killing me, it's your fault"

you pull me back, okay?

- I'll be there for you. - Thanks.

So..

...you've, um, decided to move in with Robert?

No. I think I'll stick around here for a while.

Is it that Robert's a mime?

Because there's places he can go to get help.

No! Hey!

[instrumental music]

Hi.

You weren't thinking I should leave, were you?

Of course you should leave. This is my room.

But you'll be moving out one of these days.

Not today. Get out.

I don't want to.

I don't care.

- An impasse, it would seem. - ALF.

You're not looking at all the advantages

of switching rooms, Lynn.

This room is less drafty than mine.

And the bed is softer.

And there's a nice view out the window.

ALF, those advantages are all yours.

What's your point?

The point is I'm tired and I want you out of here.

I'll tell you what, we'll share.

Which side of the bed do you want?

- ALF. - Better take the left.

I have to warn you I drool in my sleep.

Now, if it comes out black, run for your life.

Don't ask questions.

Come on.

[instrumental music]

Goodnight.

[theme music]

[ALF laughing]