Original subtitles

Good morning, Brian.

- What's that? - ALF's breakfast.

I think not.

What happened to you?

I've got static cling.

Ah, there's my other sock.

Ow!

Yank out all my fur, why don't you?

Sorry.

What were you doing in the laundry?

The question is

what is the laundry doing in my room.

However, if I had a room of my own..

Sorry, ALF, a room addition

is out of the question.

Fine, just remember this

the next time you complain about fur in your shorts.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Gee, these things can do a lot more

than just measure tape.

Whoa!

[clattering]

'I just hate when this happens.'

(Kate) 'ALF?'

ALF? Is that, is that you?

(ALF) 'Well, that depends.'

'Will this involve yelling at an alien?'

Probably.

- Are you alright? - No.

You guys should really look into public storage.

We already have. They won't take you.

Very nice. Kick me while I'm hemorrhaging.

ALF, what are you doing here?

You remember, Kate. My planet exploded.

I crashed into your garage.

- You said I could stay. - ALF.

I was measuring for my bedroom set.

Now, I'm thinking of a Southwestern motif.

Willie, pick up a few cattle skulls

on your way home tomorrow.

There's a dear.

ALF, we need the attic.

Kate, look at this.

Oh.

Oh, Willie.

Do these ever bring back memories?

Wait. Wait. There's more.

Look.

Oh!

Hey! I'm impressed.

When did you guys have a Mercedes?

No, ALF. This is a peace sign.

What's it for?

It symbolized the goals and ideals

of our country's youth.

So it is from a Mercedes.

Oh, I'd forgotten all about this stuff.

Why don't you just trash all this garbage?

We can't throw these things away, this..

These are a part of who we are.

Or...more accurately, who we were.

Based on those pants

you were some type of outpatient.

Wonder what these are.

Oh, Willie!

Willie, "Summer of Love."

I saw that on cable! I'm ashamed of you two.

No, ALF, it was nothing like that.

These are the movies I took at Woodstock.

- Huh? - Woodstock.

It was a music festival.

Three days of peace and love and rock 'n' roll.

Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin

Country Joe and the Fish.

You made that one up.

No way, man.

I think these films are happenin'.

[chuckles] Well, uh, if it's your bag

uh, let's go groove on it.

What do you say, ALF?

That depends. What did you say?

[instrumental music]

Down in front!

ALF!

Come on, Kate.

You won't let me go to a real theater.

At least let me create a reasonable facsimile.

Focus! Focus!

Let me turn it on before you pelt me.

I'd appreciate your not using the word pelt around me.

Hi, everyone.

Oh, no. Is the cable down again?

Lynn, we found our movies from Woodstock.

Oh, how nice for you.

I'll be in my room.

You can't miss this.

This is a monumental piece of history.

It's the turning point for a whole generation.

It's a bunch of naked people dancing in the mud.

Who am I to miss the turning point for a whole generation?

No talking during the film!

ALF.

Usher, this woman is annoying me.

[knocking on door]

That would be your cue.

Did you ever think that just once

I'd like to maybe meet your friends?

(Trevor) 'Hey, Tanners, it's me, Trevor!'

Don't ever think that.

- Hi, Trevor. - Hi, Willie.

- Hi, Kate. I'm done with this. - That you are.

Oh, I always say, "Never send a Weedwhacker

to do a garden weasel's job."

Isn't that the truth?

Oh, your cable went down?

Mom and dad are gonna show us woodchuck movies.

No, Woodstock.

Woodstock?

Oh, you mean that hippie thing?

- I hate that. - Hello, Willie, Kate.

Come on, Trevor. The Litwacks are waiting.

Get the bridge mix, and let's go.

Oh, yeah, can we borrow some bridge mix?

We're playing cards with somebody else besides you.

Sorry, we're all out.

Oh, I guess we can't play bridge.

- Got any gin? - Oh, come on, Trevor!

Alright, alright.

Well, so much for the cartoon.

Now could we see our feature presentation?

Brian..

...the projector, please.

[projector whirring]

[instrumental music]

(ALF) 'Hey, Brian this gives me an idea for the wading pool.'

(Kate) 'Forget it.'

(Lynn) Great camerawork, dad.

- Look! That's Mama Cass. - Mm-hmm.

Short for casserole I wager.

(Willie) 'There she is, kids.'

(ALF) 'Who, Stevie Nicks?'

(Lynn) 'Mom, tell me that isn't you.'

Guilty.

Wow, you were cute back then.

Oh, thanks, Bri...I think.

Now I see why you married Willie.

You were dizzy.

No. That's why I married him.

[Kate laughing]

(ALF) 'Yikes! It's that girl.'

'Hey, where'd you get that shirt?'

'Fredericks of Sri Lanka?'

It was the '60s, ALF.

Those clothes made a statement.

Yeah. "I dress in the dark."

[instrumental music]

(Willie) 'You wanna explain this?'

Shoot bullets through me. I felt like a snack.

Pass the mustard.

May I help you with something?

Now I know..

Now I know who you remind me of.

You remind me of my college roommate...Snout.

And I thought Melmackian parents were cruel.

That was only his nickname. His real name was Dexter.

Dexter Lurch IV.

Then again, Snout is nice.

Snout used to go on these marathon eating binges

late at night, Oreos, Cheez Whiz

anything he could get his hands on.

How does that remind you of me?

Anyway..

Ol' Snout is quite a character.

He was, uh, a-a kind of folk hero

to a lot of the kids on campus

myself included for a time.

I remember he-he was the first guy in the dorm

to pierce his ear.

We had a word for guys like that on Melmac.

Pirates. What'd you think I meant?

And, uh, I remember another time he..

...he took off all his clothes and set 'em on fire.

Sounds like a real party animal.

No, you don't understand, ALF.

We, we-we were trying to end the war.

Did it work?

Well, I like to think that maybe in a small way it did.

So why doesn't anybody do any of that peace stuff anymore?

Well, for one thing we're not at war now.

Oh, right.

And there's a Club Med in Central America

and the Persian Gulf is a water theme park.

Well, it's different.

What happened to you?

Well, when a person gets older

he sees things a little differently.

He chooses his battles a little more carefully.

I get it.

Turn on, tune in, sell out.

I did not sell out.

I have a family to support.

I have an extended family, I might add.

Ooh. Good one, Willie.

Oh, you don't understand.

What's to understand?

You cut your hair, got a job

and you won't let me live in the attic.

Forget the attic.

The attic is out.

Why? You need the storage space for your abandoned idealism?

Goodnight, ALF.

Boy, point out one major flaw in someone's belief system

they take it personally.

[instrumental music]

I can't sleep.

Maybe all the pacing is keeping you up.

I can't help thinking maybe ALF is right.

Willie, check your temperature.

I mean it, Kate.

I used to organize peace marches

now I organize coupons.

It's a big help, honey.

Oh, thank you, but.. What am I saying?

Willie, you can't let ALF get to you like this.

Oh, it's not just ALF.

Although he does figure prominently.

I come with a peace offering. You want a flower?

- No. - Good.

[burps]

I came to say I'm sorry.

Apology accepted. Goodnight.

I realized you had no choice but to sell out.

The system is bigger than you are.

Well, we're both bigger than you, so leave.

Whoa, man!

Bad vibrations!

Whew!

- So now can you sleep? - Oh, yeah, sure. Uh-huh.

[breathing heavily]

[instrumental music]

Ah, come on, Willie. I want you to meet my friends.

Oh, gosh, I'd love to, Kate, but I don't have time.

I got to finish registering and I-I got to get my campus map.

[laughing] You're a trip.

- Well, thank you. - Listen, you get us a table.

- I'll be right back, okay? - A table? Sure. Sure thing.

Hey, peace! Welcome to Big Daddy's.

I'm Big Daddy. All you need is love.

There's a two-drink minimum.

I'm Willie Tanner.

Uh, I'm delighted to make your scene.

This is my old lady Judy Blue Eyes.

Nice to meet you, Mrs. Eyes.

To everything, there is a season.

Did you mention the two-drink minimum?

- It's handled. - Ah!

Our hangout is your hangout.

We just want you to feel welcome.

- Please make yourself at home. - Well, thank you, uh..

[sneezing] Thank you very much. I think I'll-I'll just sit over here.

- Get out of that booth! - Get out of that booth!

Oh, no, no, no.

- Not Snout's booth, Willie. - Who's Snout?

[laughing] He's new here.

- No. - No.

Say, Kate, this Snout person..

Oh, yeah, yeah, like, um..

Snout's like...our guru.

- I beg your pardon? - Our guru, you know.

Like, um...oh, like the maharishi

like...a man of peace.

Well, then why can't I sit in his booth?

Because he'll punch your lights out.

Peace! Love! Right on! Your mother!

Hey, Snout!

Kate, my child, my flower.

My flower child.

Who's the nerd?

Oh, Snout, that's Willie. He's new here.

There's a bulletin.

So, bro, where you from?

Oh, you know, I've been around.

Here, there.

Decatur, Illinois.

And, you know, it shows.

Kate, we missed you at the sit-in.

You don't actually do that.

- Do you? - Do what?

Sit in someone's office until they make you leave.

And interfere with other people's right

to get an education.

Hey, man, for your information

we're trying to educate people to the way that the system

exploits those who aren't in power.

- Alright! - Yeah!

People who really wanna change history

don't do it by sitting around.

They go out and work for what they believe.

You can't rebuild without tearing down first.

That's ridiculous, you have to work within the system.

Don't you have an Up With People rehearsal to go to?

No, but I do have to go.

- Oh, Willie, be cool. - No, it's alright, Kate.

I have to meet my roommate anyway.

Does anyone know where I can find Dexter Lurch IV?

Hey, right here, roomie.

Oh, by the way, I shed.

Roommate...shedding..

...up with people..

Turn off the lava lamp, I can't sleep.

So what're the specials today?

Egg salad, tuna salad, brisket.

Heavenly ambrosia, celestial ambrosia

and beef ambrosia. What's for dessert?

Chicago seven-layer cake.

- Hey, Big Daddy. - Hey, Moon Shadow.

[chuckles]

So how'd you do on your finals, kid?

I like to think that grades aren't all that important

in the grand scheme of things.

- You graduated. - With honors.

Don't tell Snout.

You know, I agree with you on this grades business.

I never got better than a D on anything and look at me now.

We've both come a long way.

But you know, I realized something today.

I didn't come to college for the diploma.

I thought I did, but now I know

it's really much, much more than that.

I know, chicks.

Yeah, chicks are nice, but I'm talking about

a whole new perspective.

I-I realized something, that these past four years

have really opened my eyes.

I know now my life's work is to make this place

called Earth a better planet.

- You sound like Snout. - I know.

I owe him a lot, Daddy.

He's taught me there's much more to life

than turning a fast buck.

Peace. Don't get up.

What's with the hat? You graduating?

Yeah, this place is like the White House.

After eight years, they make you leave.

I'm gonna miss you, roomie.

Where you gonna go?

To work, where else?

Oh, you got a job? That's great.

Where's it gonna be? ACLU?

Uh, peace corps?

You're looking at the new partner

in the brokerage house of Heinz, Heinz, and my dad.

Guess which one hired me.

I can't believe it.

What about your plans to help the poor?

The-the disenfranchised?

W-w-what about your ideals?

This isn't college. This is life.

How can you just walk away from everything you believe in?

Who's walking?

I'll be driving my new Mercedes.

Oh, what do you think, burgundy with a tan interior?

Snout! You're selling out!

Hey, lighten up, man.

In a year, you'll be calling me for a job.

Here's my card.

See you later, agitator.

Not in a year.

Not in a hundred years.

I'm not gonna be a slave to the almighty dollar.

I'm keeping my ideals. I'm not selling out!

I'm not selling out.

I'm not. Yoko, tell them!

Did not sell out.

Of course, you didn't, dear.

Now go back to sleep.

There's something I have to take care of first.

Yoko?

¶ I'm gonna lay down my fork and spoon ¶

¶ Down by the dinner plate ¶

¶ Down by the dinner plate ¶

¶ Down by the dinner plate ¶

¶ I'm gonna lay down my fork and spoon ¶

¶ Down by the dinner plate ¶

¶ And eat this with my hands ¶¶

[ALF chomping]

- Are you eating again? - No.

[burps] Still.

I wanna talk to you about something.

You were just in a dream of mine.

In this dream, did I have my own room?

No, actually, you shared a room with me.

Fine! We'll give Kate the attic.

No, ALF, we'll give you the attic.

- Really? - Really.

I think I can get rid of some of that stuff I got up there.

You said that stuff was part of you.

Well, I thought I needed it, but as it turns out...I don't.

I still have..

...all the important things I got from the '60s.

You do?

I may not be out marching on Washington..

...but I'm a social worker. I still help people.

One at a time.

I realized that's the way I can do the most good.

And you get a sack lunch.

It's a good life.

Cookie?

I can dig it.

[instrumental music]

Where's ALF? It's not like him to miss a meal.

He's up in his new room listening to an album.

I think it's The Doors again.

He said he'd be down in a minute.

Don't you guys miss the good old days?

Mm-mm. Not for a minute.

I think I do...a little.

But as much as I loved the '60s

that's probably the last decade

I'd ever want to return to.

[peppy music]

Alright, Tanners. Get down and boogie.

I'd like to qualify my last remark.

[theme music]

[ALF laughing]