Original subtitles

[Willie humming]

Willie, big news!

The ALFer's won a contest.

Yeah?

Oh, let's see.

You won a copy of "Cat Lover's Monthly?"

Kind of a letdown. No recipes.

[chuckles] How did you win this?

Well, I entered that publisher's sweepstakes thing.

I licked all those magazine stamps

and...stuck 'em on my entry.

You sent in..

...all those stamps?

Well, all except Redbook.

It's still stuck to the roof of my mouth.

Just, uh, how many magazines

did you win?

Check the front porch.

[sighs]

Oops.

ALF..

...you didn't win any sweepstakes.

You-you've subscribed

to hundreds of magazines!

That explains this personal

thank-you note from Ed McMahon.

[theme music]

[music continues]

Well, here's your cappuccino.

Where's the grated cheese?

I'll get it.

(ALF) Willie, Kate.

I have something to tell you.

This time the ol' ALFer's

really won something.

What now?

Eleven records for a penny?

No!

This time the ALFer's won

stuff for everybody.

Pony rides for Brian.

Tennis lessons for Lynn.

Dinner and dancing for you two.

And best of all

for the old ALFer..

...a toaster.

I guess you didn't hear me.

A toaster!

We heard you.

Did I mention that the toaster talks?

Oh, ALF, this-this is just a real estate promotion.

A free toaster for listening to a sales pitch

about vacation homes.

You mean no pony rides?

There may be a pony ride

but there's also a seven-hour car ride

to get to this place.

I'm not driving seven hours.

Sorry, ALF.

ALFer.

ALFer.

[doorbell rings]

They lied to a child?

- Hi, neighbor. - Oh, hi.

Got you a present.

Thanks. Won't you come in?

Uh, I noticed your garbage cans have been flowing over.

Oh, yeah, we've been throwing out a lot of magazines lately.

Yeah.

These insert things

were all over your porch and lawn.

I kept the perfume samples.

Wife's birthday is next week.

She'll be touched.

As am I.

Hey..

You got a letter from Rancho Estates too?

Oh, yeah, the toaster people.

[chuckles] Yeah. Raquel and me, we go to these things all the time.

Hey...you wanna go together?

Together? No. No, we're not interested.

Oh, because of me?

No. No, I didn't mean that.

Uh, we'd-we'd love to spend

a weekend with you folk, but..

...uh, we're not interested in a seven-hour drive.

Well, you can fly there in one hour.

Yeah, sure, but who could afford it?

I'll fly you there for nothing.

My friend lets me borrow his plane on weekends.

You're a pilot?

Yeah. I flew in Korea.

Over Inchon, I took some commie flak in my ribs.

You wanna see the scar?

No. No. Please--

Oh, how ya doing, Kate?

Trevor.

Then it's settled.

See you Friday night after work..

...at the airport.

What's settled? W-what airport?

Oh, thanks again for the garbage can, Trevor.

What garbage can?

This garbage can, and Trevor wants to fly us

to Rancho Estates.

Way to go, mister-o!

We don't have to see Mr. Ochmonek

in a bathing suit, do we?

No, because we're not going.

Why?

It'll be fun.

What, a weekend with the Ochmoneks?

Well, you know, it-it's not as if we have

to share the same bathroom.

- Do we? - No.

Let's go anyway.

Even if you could get me in a plane with Trevor..

...we still have the problem of leaving ALF all alone.

Well now, maybe that's not that big a problem.

ALF has gone six months without starting a fire.

Right, dad.

Please?

Gee, a vacation would be nice.

Yeah.

Okay, let's go.

Oh, great!

I'm ready.

Uh-oh.

Am I going alone?

No, ALF, we're going..

...alone.

Come on, Brian.

Which-which means we trust you, ALF

to stay by yourself.

I don't wanna be trusted.

I wanna go.

That letter was sent to me.

ALF, I'm-I'm very sorry

that we can't take you, but we can't.

I promise we'll bring back that talking blender.

Toaster!

The thing you put bread into.

A blender you put cats into.

See, I need to go and teach you

about small appliances.

No, it's settled, ALF.

We're going and you're staying.

Oh, fine. I'll stay here and talk to our old toaster.

Of course, it won't talk back.

Yeah. Gonna be a long quiet weekend for the old ALFer.

Don't feel guilty!

I don't feel guilty.

Then you haven't been paying attention.

[instrumental music]

[plane droning]

¶ Come fly with me ¶

¶ Come fly come fly away ¶

¶ Come fly with me.. ¶¶

[indistinct singing]

This is Captain Ochmonek speaking.

For those with cameras..

...on your left is the Tujunga toxic waste dump.

I'll fly in lower so you can get a better view.

No, don't. We can see it fine from here.

Boy, I sure get a kick out of flying passengers for a change

instead of just cargo.

Where's that smell coming from?

From the cargo hold where the pigs are.

Oh, daddy, I feel so sick.

I mean, why do we have to fly

facing backwards anyway?

I guess so we can keep our eye on the pigs.

¶ Come fly with me ¶

¶ Come fly come fly away ¶

[humming]

[instrumental music]

There you go.

Willie, this place is really nice.

- I'm kinda surprised. - Me, too. The hotel is great.

I keep looking for the catch.

Oh, hello, you must be the Tanners.

I'm Bill Loman

sales manager for Rancho Estates.

I was expecting you.

Oh, no, Mr. Tanner, I think you were expecting

the hard sell.

Well, there's no need to worry about that.

Good.

Because after you've seen this slide show

you are going to be begging me to sell you a home.

(man on TV) 'Buenos dias.'

'That means good day.'

'And at Rancho Estates'

'every day is a good day.'

Uh, would it be okay if we looked at this later?

- Uh, when later? - Much later.

[chuckles] Oh. Absolutely, no problem.

You know, you folks should first enjoy some tennis

some swimming and some fishing.

And if you need me

I'll be following you in a golf cart.

[chuckles] You know, we expected a sales pitch.

Yeah.

That's no reason why we still

can't enjoy ourselves.

ALF!

Buenos dias.

[instrumental music]

Let's clear this up.

Are you, or are you not

happy to see me?

I'm happy, ALF.

Are those chocolates?

How did you get here?

I stowed away..

...in Kate's suitcase.

Oh, no.

Now I'll have your hair all over my clothes.

Take it easy.

Your clothes are hair free

and hanging neatly in the closet back home.

What am I supposed to wear here?

Well, I love what you've got on now.

Perfect for every occasion.

ALF, we trusted you to stay out of trouble.

I trusted you to get my toaster.

But I don't see it anywhere.

Let alone, hear it.

But the fact is, I felt neglected.

I'm a member of this family too, you know.

I just wanted to be with the people I love.

And get that toaster.

[knocking on door]

(Trevor) 'Hey, Tanner, guess what?'

'We have adjoining rooms.'

'Hey, open up!'

Can't we shake this guy?

Uh, Brian, quick, you better hide ALF in the bedroom.

Alright, but don't start

that slide show without me.

Looks like we're neighbors again.

You wanna go catch the foreshow?

Actually we were just thinking about..

...going home.

What do you think? Will that be out of the question?

- He's joking, right? - No.

The plane ride was such fun we can't wait to fly again.

And I've got school tomorrow.

On Saturday?

Traffic school.

Well, I'm sorry.

That plane is on its way to Central America.

I can't tell you anything else.

Are you saying we're stuck here?

Yeah. Tough luck, eh?

Stuck in a resort hotel.

Come on, let's cut a rug.

Trip the light fantastic!

Do the hustle.

Oh, I'd love to, but..

I don't have anything to wear.

Well, what was in that suitcase of yours?

It weighed a ton.

Sun tan lotion, uh..

Mom tends to burn.

Oh, don't worry about it.

Raquel will lend you one of her dresses.

Now don't spill anything on Raquel's dress.

I might wanna wear it next.

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

[door closes]

Dad, what are you doing up so early?

I'm sorry. Um, I..

I never got to sleep.

I spent the whole night listening

to the Ochmoneks snore.

They both snore?

In a pattern.

Like a conversation.

- Didn't you hear it? - Yeah.

But I just thought it was the ice machine.

ALF?

Where's ALF?

I thought he was in with you.

Kate!

What's wrong?

I can't find ALF.

I'm right here.

Willie, what's wrong?

- Where were you? - Out catching catfish.

Somebody could have seen you.

No way!

This place is a morgue before dawn.

I wanted to surprise you guys

by serving catfish in bed.

[knocking on door]

(Trevor) 'Hey, Tanner, rise and shine.'

- Bedroom. - Bathroom.

Gotta clean the fish. Come on, B.

- Oh, morning, Trevor. - Good, you're already up.

(ALF) 'Hey, we've got a bidet!'

It's Brian. In the morning his voice is a lot lower.

[electric shaver whirring]

Sounds like he's shaving.

Oh, yeah. Uh, yeah.

I won't allow him to have a mustache.

That's good.

You got to take a stand.

Listen, since we're up already

why not go for a pony ride?

No, thanks, Trevor.

We-we're just gonna stay here.

Yes, it's such a great room

we don't want to waste it..

...by going out.

But you gotta go out.

You gotta go to the big sales presentation.

It's mandatory for everybody.

- All of us? - Away from this room?

At the same time?

Yeah, what the heck, get crazy.

Listen, the buffet starts at 7 o'clock.

Raquel will have your dress picked out by 6:30.

Well, by the way, she wanted to know

did you need a bra with that?

Just the dress.

ALF, he's gone.

(Brian) 'He's busy scaling catfish.'

Catfish don't have scales.

Then I won't be needing your shaver anymore.

Neither will I.

Nice dress, mom.

Yeah, Kate, you look real sexy in that.

Well, anyone would look good in this.

- Trevor. - Hmm.

You know you're not supposed to be eating shellfish.

You'll have an allergic reaction.

It's lot safer than the Mexican food

Tanner's eating. Huh, Tanner?

What? Oh!

I-I'm sorry I was, I was worrying about

whether our room..

...would be alright..

...all alone.

Our room will be fine, dad.

It has a toaster to keep it company.

(automated message) 'Toast.'

Hah! Hah!

'Toast.'

'Toast.'

'Toast down.'

Hello, room service?

Send another bag of bread to room 13.

Yeah, leave it outside the door again.

- 'Toasting.' - Quiet. I'm on the phone.

Oh, hey, and bring some tartar sauce.

Thanks.

Now, let's see what you can do with catfish.

Oh!

You know your daughter is a terrific tennis player.

[chuckles]

You know, honey, if you lived up here, you could play every day.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Oh, why don't you tell your dad

how much you'd like to live here.

- No. - Oh, go on, tell him.

- No. - Tell him!

- No! - Mr. Loman--

Alright, settle down, folks.

We'll begin the sales presentation

in just a minute.

That's why we're here, right?

[laughs]

Of course, there are some people

who keep coming back for the free room and shellfish.

Last chance for seconds.

Trevor, you said you were only going back for salad.

I did. It's underneath the shrimp.

Hey, Tanner!

You didn't eat a thing.

You still worried about your room?

No.

Willie, was that..

Yes, it was!

Oh!

I warned him about that Mexican food.

[instrumental music]

I tell you, Tanner

I thought only rock stars got kicked out of hotels.

Yeah, I can't imagine

what caused that toaster to short circuit.

But I'm gonna find out.

It sure stunk up the place.

It smelled of burned fish all the way to the lobby.

By the way

how's that smell back in the cargo section?

I, for one, miss the pigs.

I'm sorry, I meant to hose down the jackals.

Hey, Raquel!

I feel a little woozy. Uh, get me a bromo, will ya?

I warned you about that shellfish, Trevor.

Just get it, alright?

I'll get it in a second.

I have to put ointment on my shoulders.

That hotel ought to warn their guests about the sun.

Quite possibly the worst weekend

of our entire lives.

You haven't stopped complaining

since I burned down that room.

You, back with the jackals!

They're hyenas

and I don't like them.

They're jackals.

Then why are they laughing at me?

[sighs]

Lieutenant McIntosh

give me the coordinates.

We're almost over enemy territory.

Oh! What enemy territory?

What enemy territory?

What do you think that is, the Mississippi River?

Those are the Bridges of Toko-Ri.

Trevor!

- Trevor! - Huh?

Snap out of it, Trevor, the war is over.

Boy, I did overdo the shellfish.

Willie, Willie, what-what's wrong?

I'm not sure. Trevor, how serious is this allergy?

It's nothing. Listen, would you switch on the auto pilot?

- Where is it? - It's right down there.

Thanks.

I'm gonna get up

and move around a little

stretch for a minute..

...so I don't pass out.

- Ah! - Oh!

- Trevor! - Oh! Trevor. Trevor!

Trevor, say something.

Oh, good, the USO.

- Is he okay? - My gosh!

What are we gonna do? Who's going to fly the plane?

- Dad, you fly it. - Now, relax everybody.

Nobody is gonna fly this plane.

Ah, dad!

- I'll fly it. - You..

We have an emergency!

I'm the logical choice.

Oh, by the way, you were right.

They are not hyenas.

But they are laughing.

ALF can fly a plane?

Oh, he can't even work the toaster.

Well, he did fly a spaceship.

Yeah, how different can it be?

What does this do?

[engine roars]

I see.

(Raquel) 'Trevor, stop fooling around.'

Oh, my gosh. Raquel!

(Raquel) 'This door is stuck, somebody help me.'

Oh, oh, oh, she'll see ALF.

Help me block the door.

Help is on the way, Raquel.

Brian, sit down, fasten your seat belt.

(Raquel) 'What's blocking the door?'

Um..

...a hyena.

Well, did he figure it out? Can you fly it?

I think so. I need to see an owner's manual.

Oh, there's not an owner's manual.

- Then I can't fly it. - Oh!

ALF, the laws of aerodynamics

are the same everywhere in the universe.

Yeah, that's right.

What are they?

We're headed straight for that mountain, ALF!

ALF, do something! Quick!

Alright, alright!

Easy. Easy.

Up, up, up

and over.

Yeah!

- This flying's a piece of cake. - Oh!

Oh, a piece of cake? That was a piece of luck.

Luck? Ha! Check this out.

Oops!

¶ Come fly with me ¶

¶ Come fly come fly away ¶¶

[chuckles] I gotta hand it to you, Tanner.

You did a great job bringing in that plane.

But the next time

you might mention to the airport

that you plan to land.

I'll keep that in mind.

Thank you so much for the dress.

I don't know what I would have done without it.

What a lovely weekend.

We must do it again, sometime.

Okay, but only if we get the jackals.

[chuckles]

Come on, baby. Speak to the old ALFer.

- Are they gone? - Yes.

Oh, good. Then we can pick up where we left off.

I believe you were thanking me

for saving your lives.

No, I believe we had already thanked you

several times.

Well, you can thank me again.

No.

Please.

Alright. Thank you, ALF.

We never could have made it back without you.

You're the best alien that any family..

(automated message) 'Toast up!'

Hold that thought, will you, Willie?

My catfish are ready.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[ALF laughing]

[instrumental music]