Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

- Manure. - What?

Add manure to your grocery list.

Why?

So you won't forget it.

I mean, why do you want...manure?

To spread on my...carrots.

Use butter, like everybody else.

No, it's for my garden.

My crops aren't doing very well.

I forgot to prime the soil with manure before I planted.

Oh, isn't it too late for that?

It's never too late for manure.

That would make a nice bumper sticker.

If this works out, I may expand.

Maybe plant some cotton..

...or, in the winter, wool.

Expand? You've already torn up the whole backyard.

I can't help it.

I mean, I'm really into this gardening thing.

I love spending time in the sun..

...feeling the earth..

...nurturing new life from the soil.

Well, I'm glad you enjoy it.

I also like eating the bugs.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

(Willie) 'Uh, hola, uh, yo deber..'

'Uh, oh, wait a minute.'

[reading in foreign language]

What? You speak English?

Why didn't you say so?

No, I don't think that's funny.

Never mind, uh, I'm with, I'm with

the Social Services Department of Los Angeles County.

I'm trying to find a man named Fredo Mancia.

He's a farmer, he-he-he lives near San Felipe.

I-I've got his son here.

Yes, I'll hold.

Uh, those-those are my kids.

Uh, uh, ninos. Uh, Br-Brian and Lynn.

Lynn.

- Can I go home now? - No.

Uh, Lynn is, uh, uh, 17, Brian is, uh, siete.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight, Scott.

Why can't I go home? Everybody else is going home.

Well, Ms. Wine, I'm sorry this is taking so long

but we're trying to help this boy.

He's alone, he's frightened

he doesn't speak any English

and if I'm gonna put him alone on a bus back to Mexico

I wanna be sure there's gonna be somebody there to meet him.

In other words, you don't care what traffic's like

this time of night.

Listen, why don't you, why don't you go downstairs, get..

See if you can get him a soda.

Sure, then why don't I take him to the basketball game?

Oh, why don't you take him to the roller derby?

He could watch you play.

The pop machine takes two quarters.

You know, this job is not my whole life.

In case you care, my life starts when I walk out that door.

Mine perks up at exactly the same moment.

Yes, I'm here. I-I-I'm here. I'm still holding.

Uh, why is that funny?

Never mind, just hurry, please, please.

Tanner, unless that boy is now in our employ

I wanna know why he's still here.

Uh, Warren, I'm on the phone with, uh, San Felipe.

- I'm-I'm just about to-- - Waste of time.

Just call the Youth Authority, they'll have him picked up.

They'll put him on the 6 o'clock bus for home.

I'm gonna have this whole thing straightened out

in exactly one minute.

Just wrap it up now and move on.

'Yes, I'm still here.'

Ha-have you found anyone who knows

uh, anything about Fredo Mancia?

You have? Great.

He's gone? Gone where?

Well, somebody must..

I'm s..

I'm sorry too.

[instrumental music]

It's a deal.

Good news, Kate.

- I just saved us five bucks. - How?

I ordered the manure by the truckload.

That's exactly how you'll send it back.

Here, ALF. I have to go back for the onions.

Wait, wait. Is this all we've got?

We should have used more manure.

Great. Dust Bowl '87.

(Kate) 'Well, what's wrong?'

There are not many of them

but they're perfectly fine yams.

Mom, that's eggplant.

It's corn!

You know, it's really weird.

None of the other plants will grow

but we have enough zucchini to fill a warehouse.

It's weirder than you think.

I didn't plant zucchini.

Oh, I'm sure things will get better, ALF.

Gardening's tougher than it looks.

Yeah? Well, it'd be a heck of a lot easier

if it weren't for Bob Barker.

- Bob Barker? - Yeah.

He comes into my garden at night and digs up the plants.

The game show host?

[chuckles] Mom, Bob Barker is the Ochmoneks' dog.

Oh, the Chihuahua.

Are Chihuahuas fast?

[thud]

ALF, put that claw down.

Fine. I'll use quicksand.

[telephone ringing]

I'll get it.

Hello?

ALF, put Kate on.

Hey, Kate. I'm the King of France.

Never mind. I-I'm going to be a little late.

Fine.

- Who was that? - Sounded like Willie.

- What did he say? - He said he was gonna be late.

- Did he say why? - What am I, the desk clerk?

[telephone ringing]

Hotel Tanner.

Oh, hey, we were just talking about you.

Don't hang up. I have to talk to Kate.

There's something I have to tell her.

Hey, is this about why you can't come home?

Are you hiding something?

You got a little chippy on the side?

I'm taking a Mexican boy to catch his bus.

Oh, that's original.

Kate, you gotta hear this. Pick up.

Honey, what's the problem?

Uh, there's a boy here who's got to get back to Mexico.

I can't, I can't reach his family

I don't wanna just abandon him

so I-I'm gonna take him down and put him on the bus myself.

- Well, I understand, honey. - Kate, you're buying that?

Why are you still on the phone?

- Hang up. - In a second.

I want to hear the joke about the kid with no family.

This is not a joke.

Th-the boy has a family. He has a father.

I just.. I can't find him. That's..

Why am I talking to you?

I don't know. You called.

Kate, I'll be home a little later.

Okay? Bye-bye.

Goodbye, honey.

Hey, hey, Willie, there's one thing

I'm still not clear about.

Are you or are you not getting some action on the side?

Oh.

Hello?

He's probably not.

Whoa! Don't give him those!

I'm telling you, Brian

the three-point shot is ruining this game.

Dad, wanna watch the game with us?

No. ALF...go in the kitchen.

I can't. I've got money on this game.

You can read about the game tomorrow..

Y-you bet on basketball games?

Just college. Only a fool bets on the pros.

Hey, Kate, you owe me for the Celtics game.

Kate.

I thought the Celtics were a lock.

Bird was out, McHale had a sprained ankle.

Uh, could you just.. Could you set another plate for supper?

- Well, o-of course, but-- - ALF, go!

- Hi, dad. - Ugh!

How come you're home so soon?

Well, it appears that... somebody missed his bus.

Hola.

Everybody, this is Luis Mancia.

Luis, this is, uh, everybody.

This is Kate, uh, this is Senora Tanner.

- Uh, this is-- - Lynn.

Have we met?

He saw your picture. Your school picture on my desk.

Oh, dad, you know I hate that picture.

I wish you wouldn't show it to people.

Well, what-what's the matter with it?

I look like the village idiot.

Honey, you don't look anything like the village idiot.

People, people.

[clears throat] Luis, this is Brian.

Hi!

Luis, it's very good to have you here.

Luis doesn't speak any English, Kate.

- Mi casa su casa. - Gracias.

Luis is gonna stay over here tonight.

Great, he can have my room

and I'll sleep in the laundry room with--

Brian.

[whispers] A-L-F.

I think, uh, the couch will be fine. I think..

[whispers] A-L-F

can sleep in the garage.

(ALF) 'Whoopee.'

Brian, why don't you show Luis

where he can, uh, wash up for dinner?

Okay.

Come on, Luis.

Well, uh..

...something tells me that, uh, nobody knows he's here, do they?

- Not exactly. - You stole a kid?

I borrowed one.

Just for 24 hours, just until I can find his dad.

- Honey, what happened? - I honestly don't know, Kate.

I was at the last stop light right before the bus station

and instead of turning right, I turned left onto third

and I sort of got on the freeway and then I sort of came home.

I thought you couldn't turn left on third. It's one-way.

Well, not after 4 o'clock.

ALF, why.. What difference does it make to you?

What difference does it make?

Hah! I'm not driving with you anymore.

[slurping]

[snaps fingers]

[burps] I'll get the rest of that later.

[instrumental music]

[door closes]

[music continues]

[rattling]

[music continues]

[clanking]

Bob Barker.

Die, scurvy dog!

Dios mio!

What are you doing here?

[speaking in foreign language]

Shh! Keep it down, will ya?

[speaking in foreign language]

Ves..

...amigos.

[speaking in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

Melmac. Kaboom!

Never mind.

I knew I heard something. Look, he's gone.

Oh, no, I hope he didn't run away.

Listen. Do you hear voices?

[speaking in foreign language]

Si.

[speaking in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

Bob Barker.

"The Price Is Right?"

- He's outside. - Oh, no.

[speaking in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

I didn't even know he knew Spanish.

Well, it's very close to French.

[speaking in foreign language]

[instrumental music]

Are you sure?

- Well, I-I'll keep trying. - Oh.

Thank you, thank you for your help.

Gracias.

I've tried every agency in Mexico

that might be able to find Fredo Mancia.

You sure you don't wanna waste any more time?

I mean, so far I've only missed my break and my lunch.

I bought you your lunch.

Oh, many thanks for the hot dog.

Remind me to have a kid so I can name him after you.

Don't reproduce on my account.

Maybe I should never leave.

Maybe I should sleep here at night too.

That's a good idea.

We wouldn't need the Doberman pinschers.

I don't know why I'm helping you.

Just watch. We'll get caught, and I'll take the fall.

Ms. Wine..

...I truly hate to compromise your high moral position..

...but if you think this boy doesn't deserve

our help, then go!

Tanner.

Just heard a funny story.

Seems your, uh, Mexican kid missed his bus yesterday.

That's the kind of thing that can cost somebody his job.

That is a funny story.

Hey, I'm a fair man, right, Tanner?

- Um-- - Well, I used to be.

Well, I can be.

For now, I'll assume this is a clerical error.

Told you I'd take the rap.

Right now it's 5:30.

If your kid misses today's bus

I promise you an investigation.

Thank you. Hold, please.

Unless I need a note from my mother

I'm going to the ladies' room.

- Pick up line one. - I-I can't take any calls.

You're not taking, you're placing.

An old boyfriend of mine, whom I now hate

lives in Cuernavaca and he sells equipment

to all the farmers around there.

If anybody will know about this Mancia guy, he will.

I, I don't know how to thank you.

Just try not to embarrass the whole country.

And tell him I want my albums back.

Uh, hello. You-you don't know me.

Uh, my name is Willie Tanner. I'm in Los Angeles.

I'm trying to locate a farmer named Fredo Mancia.

They told me he moved.. He-he what?

[instrumental music]

Hey, guys. How about a little break?

Brian, get out the Slip 'N Slide.

Not yet. We're not done.

I've been thinking.

Isn't there some government program

that pays you not to grow crops?

Weeds. Mala hierba.

Weeds. Mala hierba.

Hey, hey! Hold it, hold it.

These aren't weeds.

I think it's my spinach.

Weeds. Mala hierba.

Hmm?

I better tell your mom to hold off on that salad.

[sighs] Mom, be honest, okay?

How much longer do we have to eat zucchini?

Well, assuming you take some when you go away to college..

- Hi, honey. - 'Hi.'

Well, what-what happened with Luis' father?

- We've been waiting to hear. - I know.

Lynn, uh, go get Luis, will you?

Sure. He's in ALF's garden.

Oh, you didn't find him, did you?

Yes, I did.

Well, that's wonderful. How?

Uh, Ms. Wine, uh, contacted an old boyfriend

she had in Mexico and he-he knew.

I'm amazed.

No, she helps me sometimes.

No, I'm amazed she had a boyfriend.

Dad, what happened?

Your dad found Luis' father.

Where'd you find him, dad?

Uh, I think we should let Luis answer that question.

What?

You better tell him.

No, no! No comprendo! No comprendo!

You comprende.

Come on, it's time to come clean.

Luis. Come here.

My dad is in Riverside.

He has a job in a carpet factory.

You speak English?

It's hard to fake words like "Carpet factory."

Luis' father had a farm in Mexico

and when it went under, he got a work permit

and he moved to Riverside.

Luis, I've-I've spoken to your father.

He's-he's so happy to hear that you're safe.

He's on his way over here now to pick you up.

No! He'll make me stay. You ruined it!

I almost got to go home on a bus

but you ruined everything!

Luis, you want to go back?

Yes, my friends are there

I can work, I have a place to live.

I don't wanna stay here.

But, Luis, your father wants you here.

You can't make me stay!

Luis.

If I may interject here--

I think that I'm capable of handling this.

This is my job, you know.

Come on, Willie.

He's not gonna listen to you.

You're the one who found his father.

Do you think you can handle this any better?

Well, maybe.

Luis and I have become very close.

- We've tilled together. - Alright.

- We've mulched. - I know.

- We've hoed. - Alright.

- We've sprinkled. - 'Alright!'

Alright. Talk. Talk.

In private, please.

Well, shall we all go and sit out on the front porch?

Well, it is a nice day.

ALF, maybe you and Luis could go into the kitchen.

Come on, Luis. Let's go for a little..

How do you say confab in Spanish?

- Confab. - Huh!

So, otherwise how was your day?

ALF, you have to help me. I gotta get out of here.

Calm down. Take a seat. Let's talk.

I don't wanna sit down! I wanna get out!

I wanna get away!

Luis, let me ask you something.

You came here when? November?

November 28.

Well, I've been here a lot longer than that

and I'm still getting used to it.

You have to give the place a chance.

But I don't know anybody here.

You know me. We became friends right away.

You tried to hit me with a hoe.

Alright, it was a rocky start.

But, but we tilled together..

...we mulched..

...we hoed...we sprinkled..

Alright!

But...I don't know how to figure things out.

Ah, you pick it up here and there.

What you don't know, you guess at.

I still haven't figured out the words to "Louie Louie."

- Have you? - Yes.

Well, see? You're one up on me already. Ha!

If I stay in Riverside, will you come and visit?

Probably not. But, hey!

There's no reason why you can't drop by here

once in a while and visit me.

Although, call first.

I may be in the shower.

Luis, your father's here.

Well, you comin' over next Sunday or not?

You can help me harvest the jicama.

I hate jicama.

So don't eat.

I like hamburgers.

Then bring the mustard.

No problema.

And don't forget our little secret.

I don't exist.

Who'd believe me?

Thanks.

Hasta la vista.

I'm sorry, Mr. Tanner.

- Thanks. - No problem.

Oh, Luis...before you go

could I ask you a big, big favor?

Sure.

Will you take some zucchini, please?

I didn't plant zucchini.

[instrumental music]

[video game beeping]

Go. Yeah.

ALF, we have to talk.

Just a second.

Easy shot! Hah!

That's exactly why the Martians are extinct.

What is this?

"Space Invaders."

What do they do? Crash into your garage?

Eat all your food? Dig up your yard?

You're in a mood.

Yes, I am.

Because I found my good hoe in this condition.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

I was plowing up my garden

and I hit a water main.

Don't worry. It wasn't yours.

So you're giving up gardening?

Not giving it up. Just switching crops.

Oh, to what?

(Kate) 'Willie!'

Earthworms.

Hey, I think I know that guy.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[ALF laughing]