Original subtitles

[theme music]

[music continues]

Hmm, oops.

Well, it can't be perfect.

It's only toothpaste.

Kate, Willie, you can come out now.

(Kate) 'Be right there.'

¶ Happy anniversary happy anniversary ¶

¶ Happy anniversary happy anniversary ¶

¶ Happy happy happy happy happy anniversary ¶

¶ Happy happy happy happy happy anniversary ¶¶

Cut, cut, cut.

Uh, could you.. What-what's going on here?

The lyric's too complicated?

Happy anniversary!

Yeah!

Well, ALF, uh, this is all very nice, but--

Yes, thank you, thank you

but the-the only, the only problem is--

Problems, shmoblems, sit down and relax.

The old ALFer's doing it all tonight.

- ALF. - The cooking.

The serving, the cleaning.

Of course, once you two get into the bedroom

you're on your own.

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

What's going on?

Oh, looks like the old ALFer

is throwing us a surprise anniversary party.

Just a little informal nothing.

Lobster pate?

I thought you two are going out tonight.

What?

Well, uh, ALF, that's what we were trying

to tell you. We have plans.

We're going out to see "Nicholas Nickleby."

And, uh, the tickets were very hard to get.

(Kate) 'We appreciate all the trouble you've gone to.'

I mean, cutting roses so they look like radishes.

And making pate.

And very good pate too.

What-what-what's in it?

Uh, let me guess, there's lobster

there's sour cream

but there's, there's something else.

- Play-doh. - That's it.

The fluorescent kind. I wanted it to be special.

I'm just going to go brush my teeth.

ALF, if you'd told us about this earlier

we might have been able to change our plans, but..

Hey, it's okay.

We'll just celebrate your anniversary without you.

What do you say, Lynn? It'll just be you, me and Brian.

Sure. I'm not hungry, but it sounds like fun.

Ready, mom.

Brian, party tonight.

Be there or be square.

I can't. I'm sleeping over at Scott's tonight.

His turtle died and we're gonna flush him down the toilet.

You're gonna skip a party to flush a turtle?

I get to pull the handle.

[honking]

That's Scott's mom. I gotta go.

Oh, give me a kiss. Bye-bye.

(Brian) Bye.

So, Lynn, looks like

it'll be tea for two.

Hey, mom, if I don't have to babysit for Brian

then I can go over to Julie's house, right?

Oh, I guess so.

What's she flushing?

Nothing.

But she just broke up with her boyfriend

and she needs someone to eat ice cream with.

Why don't you just invite her here?

- ALF. - Oh, yeah, right.

It's the old "If someone sees the alien

they'll turn him in" excuse.

Well, it's beginning to wear a little thin.

I'll bring you some ice cream.

Think you can buy me off with food?

Make it rum raisin.

- I'll see you after the play. - Okay, honey.

- Bye-bye. Love you. - Love you too.

Have a great time.

Happy anniversary.

Looks like it's just me and the Coquilles St. Jacques.

(Kate) 'I'm sorry, ALF.'

I think I got most of it.

My teeth aren't glowing, are they?

Willie, Lynn went over to a friend's house.

I guess I didn't think about whether we should

leave ALF here by himself.

Did I mention the fondue flambe?

I don't see why we shouldn't trust him.

- And the sizzling fajitas? - I guess we should stay.

These tickets cost a $100 a piece.

- He'll be fine. - You're really going, huh?

Listen, we'll be back right after the play.

Yeah, eight hours of Dickens? Take a pillow.

I saw it on PBS. It's unwatchable.

'And the guy who plays Wackford Squares'

sounds like he's from Brooklyn!

'And I'll tell you another thing.'

Guess who Smike's father turns out to be?

- No. - Ralph Nickleby. Hah!

'Have a good time.'

[instrumental music]

Yo, Lucky, you busy?

Feel like shooting the breeze?

Probably on the phone with his friends.

[clicks]

(female on radio) 'I'm Dr. Lory Schrock'

'and we're back with Jody on the line.'

- 'Are you still there?' - 'I'm here, Dr. Schrock.'

(Lory) 'Jody, what do you think'

'is the cause of your loneliness?'

(Jody) 'Well, for one thing'

'Los Angeles seems so overwhelming.'

'Moving here was like moving to a different planet.'

I can relate.

(Jody) 'I'm just so afraid of rejection.'

'People react funny when they find out'

'I'm not like them.'

I can relate to that too.

(Lory) 'Sometimes you have to risk being hurt'

'if you want things to change.'

'Put yourself out there, Jody. You'll find a friend.'

Hey, Jody, you like redheads?

(Jody) 'Thanks for listening, Dr. Schrock.'

'Sometimes it's important just'

'to have a caring person to talk--'

(Lory) 'Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stay on the line a second.'

'We have a pass to Magic Mountain for you.'

'Our number once again is 555-4455.'

'We'll be right back after this message.'

[clicks]

555-4455.

Hello, hi, hi, this is ALF.

Yeah, let me speak to Jody.

Jody, that emotional basket case

that was talking a minute ago.

Why not?

Well, can you give her my number?

Yeah, it's 555-8531.

Tell her she found a friend.

Found a friend. Wish I had one.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Yeah, yeah, this is ALF.

Oh, Jody?

Nice of you to call.

Yeah, hold on a second.

Jody, what's up, babe?

No, no, subtract means to take away.

Plus means to add.

The shot is up, and it's good.

[clinks] Three points.

ALF, in polite society one doesn't cut

one's toenails in the living room.

Why not?

Because it causes one

to barf up one's dinner.

Go on.

Just don't do it.

Fine.

[telephone ringing] Oh, hey, get that, will you?

It's probably Jody.

If it's Jody, why don't you get it?

What if it isn't?

I'll get it.

Hello?

It's Jody.

- Who? - Jody.

I know, I just like to hear the sound of her name.

- Who is it? - It's Jody!

- Just asked. - I'm sorry.

It's just this "Jody" business.

Oh, I know. It's getting a little out of hand.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, hold on a second, Jodester.

Could you all step out on the porch for a few minutes?

I'd like some privacy.

Uh, why don't you use the kitchen phone?

No problem. Just hang up when I tell you.

I don't know about this.

This is the third time they've spoken today.

I think it's nice that ALF has a friend outside the family.

(ALF) 'Hang up! Now!'

I just wonder where this relationship is going to lead?

Who says it has to lead anywhere?

Is ALF gonna get married?

Hmm, no, he's not go..

Why? Have you heard something?

[ALF screaming]

[shattering] Oops.

(ALF) 'Oh, don't worry about it, Jodester.'

'It's just a gravy boat.'

'I'll talk to you later.'

'Nobody walk barefoot in the kitchen.'

How's the Jodester?

Terrific. We have so much in common.

We both love cats.

Of course, I like mine with a side of fries.

Ha ha!

[glass shatters]

Oops. Love has made me a klutz.

ALF, you know, we're all really happy that you found

a friend outside the family, but--

Yeah, I can't wait to meet her.

- Meet her? - Mm-hmm.

Didn't I tell you? We have a date tomorrow.

A date?

ALF, you can't go out on a date.

Why not?

Have you looked in a mirror lately?

No, mine's broken.

Oh, by the way, don't walk barefoot

in the laundry room, either.

ALF, uh, if you go out with Jody

someone will see you.

No, they won't. I'm going to Jody's place.

But Jody will see you.

That's where I lucked out. Jody's blind.

- Blind? - Blind.

ALF...you can't go out with her.

Because she's blind?

Yeah, mom, because she's blind?

This has nothing to do with her being sightless.

Say the word, Kate. She's blind!

Her blindness isn't the problem!

Then what is the problem?

Yeah, mom, what do you have against the Jodester?

Brian, don't you have some homework to do?

- It can wait. - No, it can't.

Yes, mom.

ALF, uh, we-we don't have anything against Jody.

- Great. Can I borrow the car? - No.

I won't let Jody drive.

What happens when Jody starts asking questions?

Like where you came from?

She already knows. Cincinnati.

- Cincinnati? - 'Mm-hmm.'

What else did you tell her?

Everything.

I told her about my business.

Wholesale band equipment.

And my two lovely children.

- Your children? - The twins.

From my brief marriage to Cathy Rigby.

ALF, I think it was wrong to lie to her.

I know, but what else could I do?

But eventually, Jody's gonna learn the truth.

Not if Cathy Rigby keeps her mouth shut.

ALF, seeing Jody at all

is much too dangerous.

You know it, and we know it.

So, uh, what you're saying is

I can't have any friends.

ALF, you have lots of friends.

I'm your friend. Brian's your friend.

I'm your friend.

Uh, see, you have lots of friends.

Oh, uh, uh, in-including me.

Yeah. Just no friends outside the family.

[sighs]

If you need me, I'll be in my room.

Alone again, naturally.

[clatters]

I'd clean it up, but I'm too depressed.

[instrumental music]

Well, Mr. Ginzburg, I guess it's just you and me.

What do you wanna do? Sing?

Play charades?

Go to a sock hop?

Ha ha ha!

Oh, no, I've killed my only friend.

- Hey, ALF. - Excuse me.

Yes? What?

ALF, how would you like to..

That's my sock.

- Dad. - Oh, right.

Uh, ALF, how-how would you like to go outside

and, uh, throw around the old Frisbee?

- The old what? - The old Frisbee.

Yeah, here, I-I'll show you how it goes.

I guess I'm not in the mood.

We're just trying to cheer you up.

I don't need cheering up. I'm happy.

I've got my cot, my washer-dryer combo

and I'm talking to socks.

Okay.

Okay, uh, if you wanna play though

we'll be, we'll be right outside.

Fine. Brian, better wear a face mask.

I'll be right out.

Oh, ALF.

I hate seeing you like this.

I hate to be like this.

I feel like Streaky McIntosh.

- Streaky who? - McIntosh.

Back on Melmac

we were orbit guards together.

He didn't have any friends either.

Of course, he was obnoxious.

Am I obnoxious?

No, ALF, you're not.

[belching] Good.

I'm sure things will get better.

That's easy for you to say.

You're not the one who just bought

a one-way ticket to Lonely Ville.

No...but I do understand.

Oh, do you?

Well..

...I guess it'd be like me never being able

to leave the house

or, or to see anybody else

for the rest of my life in this planet.

That's terrible.

Hurts, doesn't it?

I mean, Dr. Schrock says we should take risks

but, uh, how can I take a risk

when there's no one to take a risk with?

I'll help you.

You'll what?

I'll help you take that risk.

We've only got three hours.

(ALF) 'Where is the styling mousse?'

Top shelf.

[clatters]

- 'Cologne?' - Bottom shelf.

[shatters]

- 'Talcum powder?' - Under the sink.

[shattering]

- 'Mouthwash?' - In the medicine cabinet.

[shatters]

- 'Mop?' - Never mind. Let's go.

Nobody walk barefoot in the bathroom.

Come on, we're gonna be late.

Well, how do I look?

Like a real hunk.

A hunk of what?

Come on, we have to go.

No, really, a hunk of what?

Okay, coast is clear.

Come on.

I thought she lived alone.

How come she has all these rooms?

This is where Jody lives.

No, I still think I should have brought her something, you know.

Some flowers, some candy, a Rambo doll.

ALF, you don't have to bring her anything.

You mean you gals don't care about that sort of thing?

Well, we care a lot, but it's too late.

Maybe not. Lemme see what Willie's got in this coat?

[screams] Oh my gosh! It's somebody's hand!

ALF, it's a glove.

Huh.

I'll be back at 9 o'clock, sharp.

- Nine, right. - Okay, sharp.

Sharp, sharp, right. Nine sharp.

Whatever you do..

...don't let her know you're an alien.

- Alright already. Okay. - Okay.

- Okay, bye. - Alright, bye, bye, bye.

Nine sharp. Not an alien.

Nine sharp. Not an alien.

- 'Who is it?' - Not-not an alien.

Oh, I mean, oh, it's ALF.

It's me.

ALF, hi. I'm Jody.

'It's a pleasure to meet you.'

Oh, please, you don't have to bow.

Hey, nice place you have here.

In case you were wondering.

Thank you. I decorated it myself.

In case you were wondering.

- Shall we sit down? - Oh, good idea.

There's a chair right in front of you.

I wondered what that was.

Oh, I almost forgot. I made food.

Great. Good friends, good food.

Tonight is kinda special.

Would you like some shrimp hors d'oeuvres?

- Shrimp or what? - Hors d'oeuvres.

Hmm, it's a tough choice.

I'll go with the shrimp.

[laughing] Oh!

I get it, shrimp hor d'oeuvres.

[both laughing]

Cat hairs.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

I thought I got them all.

Persian, '78.

[sniffing]

Could be a '79.

You'll probably be covered with hair

by the time you leave.

Oh, hey, I'm used to it.

Oh, tasty vittles.

Oh, good. Well, I was worried you wouldn't like it.

Nowadays you don't know what to make.

I mean, you never know what people will eat.

'Some people won't eat red meat, some won't eat sugar.'

Some won't eat fried foods or dairy products.

Hey, thanks, they were delicious.

- There you go. - They were?

Well...I'm glad you enjoyed them.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you want some?

Actually I'm too nervous to eat.

I eat when I'm nervous.

- You're nervous too? - Mm-hmm.

Of course, I also eat when I'm not nervous.

I eat when I'm depressed.

I eat when I'm bored.

I eat when I'm lonely.

I eat all the time.

I'm a little overweight.

- I'm short. - I'm blind.

You win.

How about some music?

Oh, the stereo is to your right.

Thanks, if you hadn't said anything

I might have played the lamp.

What would you like to hear?

Oh, anything by The Archies

or, uh, The Partridge Family.

I don't have any of those.

Well, then just stick on anything by The Chipmunks.

[both laughing]

Yeah. Yeah.

¶ Because the Western folks all know ¶

¶ He's a high-falutin' rootin' shootin' ¶

¶ Son-of-a-gun from Arizona ¶

¶ He's some cowboy ¶

¶ Talk about your how boy ¶¶

(man on radio) There's another one for ALF and Jody. "The Christmas Song!"

- Yeah. - I love this song!

- Yeah! - Okay!

¶ Christmas Christmas time is near ¶

¶ Time for toys and time for cheer ¶

I'm really having a great time!

Absolutely!

This evening definitely glows

in the wind column.

¶ Hurry Christmas hurry fast ¶¶

(Lynn) 'ALF!'

- Did you say something? - Uh, I said Alvin. Alvin.

- He's my favorite. - I like Theodor.

I hate Dave. He's intrusive.

ALF!

[music player switches off]

- There's someone calling you. - Where?

ALF, I'm blind, but I'm not deaf.

ALF! ALF, come on!

It's Cathy Rigby, isn't it?

No, it's the girl I'm living with.

- What? - It's not what you think.

She's only 16 years old.

It's worse than I thought.

ALF! ALF, my parents are gonna catch us.

Yeah, yeah, coming.

I know this doesn't sound good

but, uh, I can explain everything.

Just tell me the truth. The whole truth.

I can't tell you the whole truth.

Actually..

...I can't tell you any of it..

...except one thing.

I really care about you.

I care about you too, ALF.

And I'm asking you to trust me.

Well, you're asking an awful lot.

I know I am.

But-but remember what Dr. Schrock said

"Sometimes you have to take a chance."

But it seems that I'm taking a bigger chance than you are.

You have no idea.

(Lynn) 'ALF! ALF!'

Yeah, in a second.

Jody, are you willing to take a chance on me?

- Yes. - Good.

Then let me ask you something.

[knocks on door]

ALF, we've got to leave right now!

It's 9 o'clock.

[sighs]

So, how about it?

Sounds good.

- Goodnight, ALF. - Goodnight, Jody.

[instrumental music]

[door closes]

[instrumental music]

[exhales]

We made it.

Oh, my gosh, the bathroom's a mess!

- Hi! - You're late.

Uh, sorry, we had to make a little stop along the way.

Yeah, well, we thought about what you said before

about wanting a friend.

So...here.

This is Sparky.

You got me a rat. Nice gesture.

It's a hamster.

Same genus, different species.

They taste exactly alike.

[sniffing]

I'll take it back tomorrow.

[sniffing]

Tonight.

Come on, Brian, let's get you to bed.

- Let's go. - Hi, everybody.

The bathroom's clean.

Great.

You know, Lynn..

...I'll never forget what you've done for me tonight.

[chuckles] Well, the important thing is, that it's over.

Yeah, at least until Saturday.

Saturday?

Guess who's coming to dinner?

[theme music]

[ALF laughing]