Original subtitles

Probe indicates sustainable atmosphere.

Temperature

barometric pressure is normal.

No obvious signs of civilization.

P4x—884 looks like an untouched paradise, sir.

Appearances may be deceiving.

One man's ceiling is another man's floor.

A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.

Never run with scissors?

Were you trying to make a point, major?

Yes, sir.

We should perform a standard recon mission,

mineral and biological survey

to determine if 884 is aviable site

for a research colony.

Very well. You have a go.

Mmm, mineral survey, my favorite.

Colonel. I know, general.

It's all fun and games

until someone breaks a nail.

Au revoir, mon gnral.

I am unfamiliar with that term, O'Neill.

Aurevoir. It's French. It means ciao.

Ciao. It means adios.

Auf wiedersehen, sayonara,

which all very loosely translated mean...

Good—bye.

Stand down.

What happened?

What happened?

That's what I just asked you.

Will someone please explain?

General, we just left.

We went through the gate and we came back here.

Major, you've been gone over 15 hours.

Blood work is normal.

So far, you check out fine.

What about the losttime?

Could we have been drugged with something

that leaves no trace?

Externally, there's no new marks or bruises on your skin

to indicate injections or any kind of struggle.

What's the last thing you remember?

We were walking up the ramp.

O'Neill was explaining the meaning of ciao.

We stepped th rough,

we stepped back through.

That's what happened as far as we're concern ed.

When you didn't come back on schedule,

we sent a second malp

but all it showed was the same image

of the alien planet we saw before.

There was no sign of you,

and no response to our radio call.

That's why there were 2 malps

in the gate room when we came back.

Both came back just before you arrived.

We assumed you sentthem.

Wasn't us, sir.

This is the Mark 2 malp's transmission.

That's what we saw, major.

Yes, sir. Same as the first.

Except, where is it?

If this is the second malp's transmission,

we should be able to see the first malp

somewhere here, n ear th e Stargate.

Isn't that thing supposed to...

Probe a little?

Well, then there'd be tracks, sir.

Andthere are none, at least nowhere in this image.

Watch what happens when you run

the playback frame by frame.

There.

O'Neill: Hello. What is it?

I'm not sure, sir.

Their technology appears to be advanced beyond ours.

Then the previous image was fake.

There's no other explanation, sir.

The initial images portraying this planet as a paradise

seem to have been manufactured

and then broadcast back to us through the malp.

Hammond: Why?

Possibly with the intended purpose

of luring us into this room.

See? I knew it was too good to be true.

Wow, this coffee is great.

I was justthinking that.

Yeah, is that cinnamon?

It's... chicory.

Mmm, chicory.

Teal'c?

Ahh.

Isn'tthat hot?

Extremely.

Just...

Stay on the base.

We're going to need to keep an eye on you for the time being.

I feel fine.

As do I, Daniel Jackson.

For someone who just drank

half a gallon of steaming hot coffee.

Right.

Hungry. Yeah.

Try the pie.

So, I'm running a full diagnostic on that...

Wow.

Oh, yeah.

This is the best pie I've ever had.

Now, what's so different about it?

Same old pie.

It is most satisfying.

Why does it taste so good?

I don't know.

All I do know is...

I don't even like yogurt.

Sg—1, report to med lab 3.

Wait. Sorry, sorry.

Fraiser: These scans have a certain percentage of error.

Basically, it looks like an errant pixel.

But it's in the exact same place on each of the scans.

Yeah. Thank you.

So I had to run a comparative analysis

on the computer to be sure.

It's in the exact same spot

in each of your brains, but...

We are talking about something

smaller than the head of a pin.

Barely large enough to show up on an x—ray.

Right. Which is why I also needed to run

an electron resonance scan.

And...

This is, uh, magnified several thousandtimes.

Sir?

Thatthing is in all of us.

I'm afraid so.

Can these devices be removed?

Not without causing irreparable brain damage, sir.

What's the down side?

How they were implanted without any external marks

or injury to the cortex is beyond me.

Can we determine what threat they pose?

Apparently, all desserts on base are in grave danger.

We've determined thatthere is a barely measurable

electromagnetic field being emitted by the devices.

But I'm not sure what that means.

Well, so far all we've noticed are some cravings

and a certain increased acuity in our senses.

Especially taste and smell.

Until we find out the true purpose

of these objects, I am ouarantining you

in the level—22 isolation quarters

with a 24—hour guard.

Man, sing—song voice: Boring.

Who said that?

Wasn't me.

Man: What do you say we all go do something?

Teal'c?

Did you hear that? I did.

Who's there?

Man: Ok, I'll make it so that you can all see me,

but only because you asked.

You all can see me, right?

Apparently. Oh, good. I'm so glad.

Hello, hello, hello.

Now, you all say it.

All: Hello, urgo.

Do you know that you're all much better looking

on the outside than you were on the inside?

On the inside, you're so complicated.

Ooh, please.

Kermit?

Could you come here?

Do you see an intruder in this room anywhere?

No, sir.

Right. Dismissed.

All right, what are you?

Urgo.

Which might explain

why we all just said, "hello, urgo."

No, you are not dreaming.

You read our thoughts?

Don't panic. Just the thoughts you're having

at the moment.

Of course.

You're actually in our heads, aren't you?

You are so smart,

Samantha. I love that about you.

Carter?

The technology implanted in our brains, sir.

We're looking at some sort of visual communication interface.

Controlled hallucination.

So... I...

Be... what?

He gets confused.

Bythe way, who is Mary steenburgen?

Carter: This is incredible.

I mean, the devices must be linked somehow.

Dr. Fraiser said they're emitting a small e.M. Field,

like, uh... radio frequencies.

Are you saying the devices in our brain

are some sort of wireless

computer network?

Yeah, an incredibly sophisticated one.

Obviously able to work over significant distances.

I mean, that's why we were all drawn to the commissary

when colonel O'Neill was eating dessert.

He can make us do stuff?

No, never. In spite of what you're thinking. Never.

But you can make suggestions, can't you?

Mmm.

And enhance our sensory perception of experiences?

Like making things taste better.

Well, didn't it?

Well, why not?

I mean, he's tapped into our brains.

He's making us all see and hear him.

Boring.

By the way, who decorated this room?

It is so plain!

Please don't tell me that your whole planet's like this.

Not the whole planet.

Hey, couldn't we go some place else that's not here?

Some place, you know...

That's not here?

Um... cree?

Anywhere?

Boflng.

Ok. So what does he look like?

A famous tenor.

What's this?

And you're seeing the exact same thing

at th e exact same time?

Yep.

What is this?

It's a defibrillator.

Ah, interesting. Thank you.

Is it defibrillating now?

He, uh, it seems to crave new experiences.

You use the paddles to administer an electric shock

to people whose hearts are beating irregularly.

Ah. And then they feel better?

Does it feel good?

Does it hurt? Whoo, it hurts.

Iwouldthink so.

Let's try it. No, I don't think so.

Why not?

It's not gonna kill ya, is it?

Heh heh. Or 5 it?

It talks to you?

I think it's experiencing things through us,

using our senses to collect information.

Try the paddles.

Fraiser: So do you experience any...

Physical sensations?

H ey!

Teal'c!

Will you loosen up?

Hey, I'm loose.

Carter: He doesn't have total control over us,

just the power of suggestion.

He also seems to be able to enhance our enjoyment

of certain experiences in order to motivate us.

Really?

He appears unresponsive to direct ouestioning.

No, no, that's not true.

Oh, I'm picking your brains, you can pick my brains.

I'll tell you anything you want to know.

Ask me. Ask me anything. What, what?

Tell us how to remove you from our brains.

Oh. Except that.

Heh heh. Duh.

You said anything.

Wait a minute, why do you want to remove me from your brains?

Don't you understand, I'm in your brains,

I know you like me, what are you trying—— you can't fool me.

No, urgo, we don't like you.

Oh, admit it, tough guy. A smidgen?

No smidgen.

I wouldn't blame you.

I have a lot of endearing qualities.

He will not cooperate, O'Neill.

Years from now, when you're thinking about me,

you're gonna say, "ooh, how did I ever get along

without that wonderful, constant companion?"

Woof.

Years from now? Woof?

There is no way to remove me from your brains.

Forget about it.

What are you doing in our brains in the first place?

Well, ha ha ha, she got it. You got it.

I'm here to learn. I'm here to experience your world.

So we've been tagged?

Like we do with animals in the wild

when we want to study them.

We are not wild animals.

Speak for yourself. Big fellow.

Hang on a second.

The race who created you

and putthese things in our brains,

they're gonna want the information

you're collecting at some point.

I suppose.

So how do they get it?

You don't wanna know.

Let's say I do.

Don't worry, you will never have to find out.

Aren't you programmed?

I mean, how can you defy your creators?

Because they're evil. They're really scary evil,

and we don't want anything to do with them.

So maybe if we contact whoever created the technology?

That would be bad.

Very bad.

Why should we listen to you?

Ok, I know that you only like me a little bit,

but I like you a lot.

And I do not want you to die.

Die? Yes, as in dead.

They're gonna kill ya.

They'll open your brains with

a big, giant can opener

and then they scoop me out with a big scoopy thing.

That's how it works.

It's death, or me...

Me or death. You have to decide.

Me or death.

Well?

We're thinking.

Urgo: N me me me me n

izimememememeizi

nmemememen

nmemememen

izi me me me, me me, me me izi

nmemememememen

nme me me me me me me me me me men

nme me me me me me me me me me me me me men

nmemememen

Will you stop it?

Sh eesh.

Please.

So this technology

is living vicariously through you?

I say we risk it all and go back to the planet.

Well, what if he's telling the truth about his creators?

There's no way to get him out of us here. Right?

No, no way.

No.

See? Heh heh. She knows.

Maybe there's another way.

I haven't had much time to stu dy the technology,

but I could at least try to figure out

a way to turn him off.

Turn me off? Please.

You're wasting your time.

It's impossible.

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we play hide and seek?

You hide, and I'll, you know,

heh heh, I'm not gonna cheat.

You know, 'cause I have—— but I'm not gonna...

I... 2...

Whatever you need, major. Dismissed.

Thank you.

7... 8...

9... io...

I don't have time to play, urgo.

I don't care if I'm "it."

Because I have work to do.

No, I am not hungry.

Look, go eat pie with colonel O'Neill.

I am very busy right now.

Major?

I was justtalking to urgo, sir.

I see. Oh, I wish you did.

All right, look, urgo. Major Carter—...

Uh, Janet, he's over here.

Well, then, urgo,

major Carter would very much like to be left alone.

Janet, uh, as much as I appreciate it, please.

Urgo, that is rude.

What did he say?

Uh, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.

Doctor, are we entirely sure

that the members of sg—I are—— what's the word?

Sane?

That's the one. Yes, sir.

Remember everything we hear or see

is processed in the brain.

Urgo is creating an image of himself

thatthey're responding to

just like they would you or me.

If you say so.

Way off.

Not even close. Ha ha.

Not a chance. Forget about it.

O'Neill: Carter?

I believe I have a solution, sir.

Please.

The electromagnetic field these devices generate

indicate they're still based on electronic principles.

So smart, and yet so wrong.

I don't think so.

An e.M. Pulse should do it, sir.

Ah!

Ah, oh, ooh.

Urgo, that's hot! I didn't mean to.

Yes, you did. Now, stop it.

Fact is, sir, urgo's been trying to distract me like this

since I first started thinking about it,

so I'm probably on the right track.

I hope I didn't hurt you.

I'm really sorry.

I'll live. She forgives me.

A strong enough e.M. Pulse

can knock out most electronic— based technologies.

It would be harmless to us,

but it should render urgo impotent.

Could you, uh, rephrase that?

Do it.

Urgo: Oh, please.

Oh, please don't do this.

Hey, listen.

I didn't mean to scald you.

I—I—I like you.

I really, really do.

Heh heh. Please.

It was an accident.

This room is shielded,

so it won't effect any of the base's technology.

Don't do this. Please.

What can I do to make you like me?

You sure this won't hurt us?

No. It's going to hurt me.

We won't even feel it.

But I will.

Ithrow myself at your mercy.

Please, have mercy!

Heh heh. Ooh, I know...

I can be smaller!

How's this? Ready?

I'm here. Look how teeny—weeny I am! Ha ha.

How could anything this teeny—weeny hurt anybody?

Wait! I can be dull. Want me to be dull?

What a nice shade of gray.

How about some white bread with mayonnaise?

Want to watch golf on television?

Will you flip that switch?

No! Oh...

Ah, how about this?

Can you resist this?

Oh, don't do that! Oh, sacre bleu!

I—I'm melting. I'm melting!

What a world. What a world!

Pulse hasn't gone off yet, urgo. It's on atimer.

Oh! How much time do I—...

That's it?

Yep.

I feel no differently.

Listen.

What?

Exactly.

Way to go, Sam.

We'll see.

The devices are still present,

but the e.M. Field that was being emitted by them is gone.

Everything else checks outto me.

Request permission for sg—I to go back to work, sir.

Give it a week.

Aweek?

Well, everything looks normal.

How are you feeling? Great!

I just want to get back to work.

Well, assuming you are clear by next weekend,

Cassandra and I are going to the lake,

and we are going to rent a rowboat.

Would you like to come along?

Yeah! I'd love to.

Great. Can you send Daniel up next?

Yeah, yeah.

N row, row, row your boat n

izi gently down the stream izi

izi merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily... izi

O'Neill: Izi ...Merrily, life is but a dream izi

n row, row, row your boat... n

Jackson: N row, row, row your boat gently down the stream... n

Teal'c: Izi ...Gently down the stream izi

izi merrily, merrily, merrily, merrilyizi

izi life is buta dream... izi

O'Neill: I was not singing.

I'd know if iwas singing.

I don't even know the words to row—...

O'Neill, on tape: Izi life is but a dream izi

n and row, row, row you r boat n

izi gently down the stream... izi

ok. If you call that singing.

Izi life is but a dream izi

Urgo...

Couldn't help myself.

Yow!

I was so sure it would work.

Oh, it did. Don't feel bad.

It did work for a while.

Everything went away. It was very sad.

Very, very sad. And then, all of a sudden,

I was back in your brains where I belong.

The system must have some sort of reset.

I'm sorry. Hammond: I'm sorry, too,

because as long as that device

is capable of influencing you in any way,

you're relieved of active duty.

Aw, general, is that really necessary?

I believe it is.

Whether you admit it or not, you've been compromised.

The fact is an alien entity

has control over you, however limited.

We don't know what it's capable of.

He can't actually make us do anything we don't want to, sir.

Then, why did I have to treat your arm for a burn?

Didn't you say urgo was responsible? I didn't mean to!

All: He didn't mean to.

It was not his intention.

I trust I've made my point.

Come on, urgo, be a mensch,

how do we get rid of you?

I have no idea. I really—— I just don't know.

He really may not know, sir.

How could he not know?

He's just the program. Program?

I'm just saying that your software doesn't know

how your computer works.

Hey, my software doesn't make me sing

row, row, row your boat.

Please. Please don't fight. I'm here.

What's the difference how?

Look, I'm not going to make another noise. Nota peep.

Nothing. I'm going to be quiet.

Like a little, tiny mouse. Not a peep watch.

Whoo hoo hoo. I got an idea!

Why don't we play a game—...

Some sort of awonderful game?

Uh, something with a dictionary.

It's so much fun. You know, you get a word,

andthen——ha! You write what you thinkthe word is.

Oh, it's a lot of laughs, and educational.

It's really nice. Ithinkyou'll like it.

Chevron 7 encoded and locked.

Uh, what's that?

Actually, it's our version of you.

But not as suave and sophisticated, n'est—ce pas?

It's equipped with sensors, video camera, microphone.

We use itto explore in much the same way that you do...

Carter.

Sir, I don't know why I was telling him that.

Hello.

Oh, how beautiful!

Can we go there?

It's an illusion.

Your creators do this in order to lure people into their trap

see, itold you they were mean.

That's mean!

The malp is online, general.

This is general Hammond of the planet earth.

We know the images being transmitted to us are false.

We request a dialogue.

Please respond.

Why is he doing that?

We're trying to communicate with your creators.

No. Big no.

It's our last alternative

before we resort to actually going back there.

You know, you were justthinking of that island Maui,

with the big beaches and the little bikinis,

well, that's where we should go,

because it's very nice and warm there.

Instead of being here.

Togar: Who dares challenge togar?

That voice! That's him.

Hammond: Dr. Jackson...

This is Dr. Daniel Jackson.

We don't mean to challenge you.

We've discovered the devices you implanted in our brains,

and we'd like you to remove them.

Him.

Togar: Him?

Urgo.

How do you know this name?

He told us.

He interacts with us.

He's driving us crazy!

That is an error.

Return the subjects.

Urgo will be removed.

You heard the man.

Sir, we could be risking our lives.

Ok. Let's ask the question:

Do we want to give up sg—I and walk around

the rest of our lives with him yapping away in our heads?

Yes. Say yes.

Or, do we take the risk andtry and find away

to get rid of him so we can get on with our lives?

No. Say no.

Sorry, urgo.

It's good enough. Teal'c...

If we are to remain in the service of this world...

Urgo must be removed.

Sam——sammy,

you like me.

I remind you of your uncle Irving.

Bubala. Heh heh.

Remember?

Yeah. I guess you do, a little.

Carter?

Sorry. I——I guess I say we——we go.

Then it's settled.

What do you suppose togar really meant by an error?

I suppose he meant urgo wasn't supposed to be interacting with us.

Oh, please, please, don't go.

He's going to kill you.

He really will. He's nasty.

It'll be a painful and awful death.

Honest!

Ok. Ok, fine.

He's going to kill me.

You heard him!

Oh, you people, for crying out loud!

Don't you have any feelings?

Do you?

O'Neill: Carter!

Why do you humor him?

He's obviously programmed for self—preservation.

Sir, that voice togar said that this was an error.

We're probably not even supposed to know he's here.

You aren't supposed to be interacting with us, are you?

Well, um...

Actually, when I first, uh——and we gotto be f—...

Technically, no.

Can you describe how you're feeling right now?

Me? Nervous.

Agitated. A little hungry.

Afraid?

Oh, sure, ok.

Of what?

Oh, going away like last time.

Not experiencing, not being here with you.

Of death? Ooh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, sure.

Big time.

He's going to kill me, and that's why

that death thing keeps popping up.

Sir... Carter.

W—wait a minute, Jack.

Daniel.

By definition, what constitutes

a sentient life form?

Self—awareness, consciousness.

I'm me. No doubt about that. What else?

Uh, the ability to think independently.

I'm independent. I just, you know, like company.

Fear of death.

I got th at, too.

You're not going to convince me

it's alive. Look...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

He's not really here.

He's here in our heads.

There are plenty of life forms

that require other life forms to live.

Then you are a parasite, like the Goa'uld.

A parasite, like the Goa'uld.

You're atok'ra.

I mean, just being parasitical by nature

doesn't make you inherently bad.

It's a machine.

That hurts!

Sir, he's artificial intelligence,

but just because somebody made him

doesn't mean he isn't alive.

Listen to her!

So, what are you saying?

I'm saying that we should consider it.

I mean, maybe this error

wasn't really an error at all, but rather some kind of

higher technological evolution.

Birth of a whole new life form.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I think I agree with Sam. What?

Well, sir, it's just—— No! Hammond said it.

We've been compromised.

Now, we explained the situation to this toga guy,

and we'll let him deal with Hugo

once he's out of our heads.

Urgo. Urgo.

Let's go.

Oh h.

I'm doomed.

O'Neill: I hate when that happens.

Ooh hoo hoo, this is bad.

This is very bad.

Very bad!

Do not move,

or I will ren der you unconscious,

if necessary.

You're togar?

Yes!

Togar.

As handsome as he is evil.

There is no reason to fear us.

I fear you not.

Ooh! He's a madman!

He's an evil, terrible madman. Run for your lives.

I hear you. Be silent!

Wait! You hear him?

Yes. Hear and see.

Then you should be able to see that he's afraid.

Relocate. Mm.

While I'm being silent, togar,

I'd like to point out thatwhen, when I called you a madman,

I meant it in the nicest possible way.

Come. Come forward.

Come forth.

Stay.

Watc h.

Urgo is this.

The specimen is unharmed.

As you will be.

What about urgo?

It will be destroyed.

Urgo: See? Oh, what'd itell you?

Please! Don't let him do this to me.

Teal'c, help cree!

Jump him! Give him a double java—java kick.

Go on!

The technology you invented is very advanced.

Yes. It's because they're all too scared

to go out and experience things for themselves

enough!

Look, we're very grateful that you're willing

to take urgo out of our minds.

The point is we think urgo may actually be alive.

He is an error.

Maybe he is, but another word for it might be miracle.

That is ridiculous.

Well, what you call an error has somehow resulted in life.

I mean, he's self—aware,

he's acting and thinking independently,

he's afraid of his own death.

By any definition, he's acting alive.

All we're saying is that maybe there's a way

of doing this without killing him.

There is not.

Ok. Had to ask.

I don't understand. Why not?

The unit must be in a life form.

It cannot exist on its own.

Well, there has to be some way. You created it.

You'd be killing something that you gave life.

Dad...

This is aterrible idea.

I'd rather die a painful and horrible death.

It's just athought.

I want to live.

Iwantto experience the universe and iwant to eat pie.

Who doesn't?

Enough babbling!

Explain.

I was justthinking that maybe

you'd want to put urgo in you.

No! No, iwould not do that!

I'd rather be in that little—...

With the eyes and th e——no!

The purpose of the technology

is to observe and explore.

Butthe technology is different now.

Look, we don't know you very well,

but I get the distinct feeling

that urgo is everything you're not.

You can say that again.

Butithinkthat he's everything

you wish you were.

Outgoing, uh, adventuresome...

Annoying.

Look, it would be a chance to change.

To maybe experience some of the things

that you're afraid to do yourself.

No! Not afraid.

Why do you not explore worlds

through the Stargate yourself?

It could help me learn how the error occurred.

Then you'll do it?

I could try.

Count me out. I do not want to do it.

He's mean, and boring,

an d——an d——an d—— an d... mean.

We're giving you a chance here.

Him or death.

No, I...

Death or him.

Oh, dear.

Well...

I'm thinking.

He's so——so, uh...

Mean? Yeah.

Boring? Mm.

So, change him.

Me change him?

Ha ha ha ha. Ha.

Ok. I'll do it.

Urgo thinks it's a great idea, and I'm sure you'll enjoy

his presence as much as we have.

See, I knew it. I knew you liked me.

Ha. I was right.

Maybe a little.

How about a hug? Don't push it.

Ha ha ha.

Urgo?

Urgo is here.

I'm here! I'm here. Oh!

O'Neill: Well, togar,

thanks for your hospitality. We appreciate it.

I will return you to your planet now.

Wait. Togar, how do we know that urgo's really alive?

I'm here! I'm here. Tell him. Tell him.

I will as soon as you are quiet.

Both: He's alive.

Urgo says good—bye, and I say thank you.

Bye, urgo.

I was thinking, now that we've gotten

to know each other and helped each other out,

maybe we could share some information

about our respective—...

Oh, I'm going to miss 'em.

Hey, I know! Why don't we—— no!

Why not? No!

It's really fun and exciting. No.

Are you sure that we're thinking the same thing?

Positive.

Oh! But you don't know whatyou're missing!

Man: One more!

Stand down.

Woman: Force team stand by.

Glad you're back safe, sg—I.

Was the mission successful?

Uhh...

General, didn't we just...

You've been gone over 10 hours, major.

Oh, boy.

Report to the infirmary.

Yes, sir.