Original subtitles

Wesley: WE'RE DOOMED.

MAYBE WE CAN MAKE A BREAK FOR IT.

IMPOSSIBLE.

FRONT EXIT?

WE'D BE SPOTTED INSTANTLY.

BACK DOOR?

BLOCKED.

THAT'S IT, THEN.

WE'RE TRAPPED.

WE MIGHT TRY SHOUTING "FIRE."

IT'S NOT TECHNICALLY A CROWDED THEATER--

ONE DAY, I MIGHT. YES.

MANY YEARS FROM NOW...

WHEN I'VE LOST MY LOOKS A LITTLE.

DO NOT LAUGH.

ONLY ANOTHER HOUR.

I MEAN, OF COURSE A TIME WILL COME...

WHEN TORVALD IS NOT--

IS NOT--

LINE!

Prompter: IS NOT AS DEVOTED TO ME.

PERHAPS TWO.

WHAT?

IS NOT AS DEVOTED-- RIGHT, RIGHT.

WHEN TORVALD IS NOT AS DEVOTED TO ME.

[DRAMATIC SOB]

AND I THOUGHT I KNEW ETERNITY.

SO...WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK?

WELL, YOUR... PROJECTION WAS EXCELLENT.

YEAH. I COULD HEAR EVERY WORD,

AND WE WERE WAY IN THE BACK.

OK, SO I WAS LOUD, BUT WAS I ANY GOOD?

YOU... TOOK THE ROLE

AND MADE IT YOUR OWN.

REALLY? THANKS.

ANGEL, WAS I GOOD?

UH, I WOULDN'T SAY IT IF I DIDN'T THINK SO.

THANKS.

YOU DIDN'T SAY IT. I DIDN'T?

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

NO, IT WAS A NIGHT IN THE THEATER I'LL NEVER FORGET.

THAT'S OLIVER SIMON!

WHO? ONLY ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT TALENT MANAGERS IN THIS TOWN.

I WAS AT A PARTY WITH HIM ONCE. YOU WERE THERE.

OH, RIGHT.

HE GAVE ME HIS CARD.

WHAT?! I WAS WORKING HIM ALL NIGHT,

AND HE GAVE YOU HIS CARD?

HE THOUGHT I HAD A QUALITY.

[SIGHS]

LOOK WHO HE'S WITH!

COULD WE GO NOW?

Cordelia: REBECCA LOWELL! Wesley: WHO?

RAVEN!

SHE PLAYED RAVEN IN ON YOUR OWN.

BIG HIT TELEVISION SHOW THAT WAS ONLY ON FOR, LIKE, 9 1/2 YEARS.

DO EITHER OF YOU EVEN OWN A TELEVISION?

I DON'T. IT WAS A SEMINAL SHOW,

CANCELED BY THE IDIOT NETWORK.

I WAS GONNA PICKET THEM, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY COMFORTABLE...SHOES.

ANGEL!

Oliver: OH, MY GOD, REBECCA!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, DARLING?

OH, MY GOD!

WHAT WAS SHE LIKE?

EXCUSE ME.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH, HE'S FINE.

IT WAS SUCH AN HONOR

TO SAVE YOUR LIFE, MISS LOWELL.

UM, THANK YOU.

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T GET YOUR NAME.

CORDELIA CHASE.

I'M SO GLAD YOU WEREN'T--

OH. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME?

[CYNICALLY] SURE HE DOESN'T.

I'M SURE HE'LL ACCEPT A SMALL REWARD ANYWAY.

NO, THANKS.

WE'RE NOT GONNA BE HELD UP HERE.

OLIVER, DOWN. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO I AM.

HE'S CULTURALLY RETARDED THAT WAY.

I'M REBECCA.

ANGEL.

SO...YOU MAKE A HABIT OF THIS SORT OF THING, ANGEL?

IT'S ONLY LIKE HIS PURPOSE IN LIFE.

ANGEL'S THE DARK REVENGER,

ONLY NOT TOO DARK. HAPPY DARK.

I HAVE A CARD IN HERE SOMEWHERE.

CORDELIA.

WHAT?

OH, GOD. WHO CALLED E.T.?

EMMA THOMPSON?

ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT, DOOFUS.

Oliver: THEY'RE HERE FOR THE PARTY.

OLIVER.

IT'S GONNA BE ALL OVER THE TABS COME MORNING, BEC.

MIGHT AS WELL PUT OUR OWN SPIN ON IT FIRST, RIGHT?

LOOK, I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE--

OH. HE DOES THAT.

HERE'S OUR CARD. IF YOU EVER NEED RESCUING...

OR JUST WANNA PAL AROUND OR SOMETHING, CALL US.

Cordelia: LET GO. Wesley: COME ALONG.

I MADE THE PAPERS!

LAST NIGHT'S ALL OVER THE FRONT PAGE OF THE CALENDAR SECTION.

REALLY? THERE WAS A REVIEWER FROM THE TIMES AT YOUR PLAY?

WHAT? NO!

LIKE A REVIEWER NEEDS TO SEE SOME HUNDRED-YEAR-OLD PLAY.

THE THING WITH REBECCA LOWELL--

I'M IN THE PICTURE.

WHERE?

RIGHT THERE.

WHERE?

RIGHT THERE, NEXT TO REBECCA.

THAT'S MY ELBOW.

GUYS, CAN WE JUST FORGET ABOUT REBECCA LOWELL?

WE RAN INTO AN ACTOR. IT'S HOLLYWOOD. IT HAPPENS.

WE HAVE A NICE PHOTO OF CORDELIA'S...

ELBOW

AND AN ARTICLE ABOUT ME SAVING A TV STAR.

JUST BECAUSE THE PAPERS WANT TO MAKE A--

THERE'S NO MENTION OF YOU.

WHAT?

NOTHING.

OH.

WELL...

THAT'S GOOD. RIGHT?

I MEAN, THIS KIND OF HIGH-PROFILE THING

REALLY ISN'T OUR DEAL ANYWAY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

REBECCA LOWELL HASN'T HAD A SERIES

SINCE ON YOUR OWN WAS CANCELED,

AND THAT WAS ALMOST A SEASON AND A HALF AGO.

AND THEY SAY THERE ARE NO SEASONS IN LOS ANGELES.

WE HAVE TO USE THIS NOW BEFORE SHE'S JUST ANOTHER E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY.

WHEN WORD GETS OUT YOU'RE PROTECTOR TO THE STARS,

THEY'RE GONNA BE LINING UP AT THE DOOR.

Rebecca: GLAD I BEAT THE CROWD, THEN.

OH, MY GOD. NO.

I DIDN'T MEAN, UH--

COFFEE? TEA? WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING GOOD HERE,

UH, BUT OUR...INTERN

WOULD BE HAPPY TO GET YOU SOMETHING...MISS LOWELL.

CAN WE TALK?

SURE.

RIGHT IN HERE.

STAY.

STAY.

[Door Closes]

YOU'RE NOT FOND OF SUNSHINE.

I'M A NIGHT PERSON.

ME, TOO.

IT, UH...

MAKES IT EASIER TO HIDE.

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE IN THE WRONG BUSINESS IF YOU WANT TO HIDE.

SO...

YOU NEVER REALLY SAW EVEN ONE SINGLE EPISODE OF ON YOUR OWN?

NO.

HUH.

WELL, STOP BY.

I'LL GIVE YOU A PRIVATE SCREENING

OF THE EPISODE I DIDN'T WIN THE EMMY FOR.

THANKS FOR THE INVITATION, BUT, UM--

LOOK, I'VE BEEN FAMOUS SINCE I WAS 14.

IT'S...REFRESHING TO MEET SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T CARE.

SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU.

THEY WORK FOR ME.

THEY'RE PAID TO CARE.

SO...HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

WELL...

I HAVE A STACK OF THESE AT HOME-- ALL THE SAME, WRITTEN IN BLOOD.

HE ALSO HAS MY PERSONAL TELEPHONE NUMBER.

SCARY CALLS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

MOST OF MY "DEVOTED" FANS ARE HARMLESS, BUT THESE--

IT'S NOT BLOOD.

ARE YOU SURE?

HAVE YOU TRIED THE POLICE?

OLIVER'S BEEN AFTER ME TO, BUT...

THEN I'D JUST BE HAND-FEEDING THE STORY TO THE ENQUIRER.

NO, THANKS.

HOW DO YOU KNOW I WON'T DO THE SAME?

I DON'T.

BUT I DO KNOW THAT YOU CAME OUT OF NOWHERE

AND SAVED MY LIFE LAST NIGHT.

I KNOW YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR ANYTHING IN RETURN.

AND I KNOW...

I FEEL SAFER IN THIS OFFICE THAN IN MY OWN HOME.

I'M UP FOR A NEW SERIES--

ONE OF THOSE MAKE-OR-BREAK GIGS FOR REBECCA'S CAREER, PART 2.

I NEED...

PEACE OF MIND.

THE CAR THAT RAN YOU DOWN WAS A GREEN,

FRESHLY PAINTED '76 CHEVY NOVA.

I CAUGHT THE PLATES,

RAN THE VEHICLE I.D. IT WAS STOLEN.

AND I'M SORRY,

BUT I CAN'T TAKE YOUR CASE.

ARE YOU INSANE?!

AH-CHOO!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

GIVE THAT INFORMATION TO YOUR PEOPLE.

THEY'LL FIND THE GUY.

YOU DON'T NEED ME.

MY FIRST BIG CONNECTION IN HOLLYWOOD,

AND YOU PRACTICALLY THROW HER OUT OF THE OFFICE.

HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF NETWORKING?

CORDELIA-- NO!

HE CAN FIGHT OFF DONKEY DEMONS

WHO RIP PEOPLE'S... GUTS OUT,

BUT HE CAN'T HELP ONE DEFENSELESS ACTRESS FROM A PSYCHO?!

WHAT IS YOUR THING?!

HE LIKES HER.

HE'S AFRAID OF GETTING CLOSE.

'CAUSE OF HIS CURSE?

YOU'D HAVE TO GET AWFULLY CLOSE TO HER FOR THAT TO KICK IN.

AND IN THE MEANTIME, YOU COULD BE HELPING ME.

THE PERSON WHO NEEDS HELP HERE

IS MISS LOWELL.

RIGHT. HE COULD BE HELPING US BOTH.

THINK OF THE KARMA.

THIS MAY NOT BE THE RIGHT CASE FOR YOU.

MAYBE WE CAN FIND SOMEBODY ELSE TO HELP HER.

OH, NO! NOT NOW!

AAH. AAH!

WHAT'S THIS I SEE IN MY VISION? OH!

IT'S A FIGURE-- A WOMAN!

IT'S REBECCA.

SHE'S IN DANGER.

TERRIBLE DANGER.

GREAT.

JUST GREAT.

BECAUSE MR. DISTANT HAS INTIMACY ISSUES,

I LOSE MY BRUSH WITH FAME.

AW, JEEZ, CORDELIA, SHE'S JUST A PERSON.

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE NONPERSON.

JUST KNOWING A STAR MAKES YOUR LIFE BETTER.

I'D DO ANYTHING TO LIVE IN HER WORLD.

AH!

THEY MAKE THIS INCISION BEHIND THE JAW...

AND UNDER BOTH EYES AND SUCTION OUT THE FAT.

[SLURP] YOU HAVE TO BE PROACTIVE WITH DETERIORATION.

RIGHT.

CHRISTIANA HAD IT DONE AT 24.

ARE YOU--

Bodyguard: MISS LOWELL, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT IN THERE?

I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE.

YES, OLIVER, I AM SURE.

I'D RATHER BE ALONE TONIGHT.

ALONE, THOUGH? AFTER ALL THIS?

DON'T YOU AT LEAST WANT SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE?

HALF THE L.A.P.D. IS CAMPED OUT ON MY FRONT LAWN.

HE WON'T BE BACK TONIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

I SHOULD PROBABLY GO DEAL WITH THE PRESS.

YOU DO THAT, OLIVER.

I LOVE YOU, KIDDO.

YOU KNOW THAT.

I KNOW.

I KNOW YOU'RE STILL HERE.

I'M NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

YOU'RE NOT?

BECAUSE...

NO REFLECTION,

DARK, PRIVATE OFFICE,

INSTANTLY KNOWING THOSE LETTERS WEREN'T WRITTEN IN BLOOD.

I GUESS WHAT I WOULD THINK IS VAMPIRE.

THEN AGAIN--

WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE.

BELA LUGOSI, GARY OLDMAN,

THEY'RE VAMPIRES.

FRANK LANGELLA WAS THE ONLY PERFORMANCE I BELIEVED, BUT--

THIS IS REAL.

YOU'RE REAL.

DO YOU DRINK BLOOD?

YEAH. BUT NOT PEOPLE.

YOU'RE NOT A KILLER.

I GAVE THAT UP.

WELL, THERE'S A SUPPORT GROUP FOR EVERYTHING...

IN THIS TOWN, I GUESS.

IT'S A LONG STORY.

HOW LONG? A HUNDRED YEARS?

200 AND SOME CHANGE.

200 YEARS. BUT YOU LOOK--

IF I TOUCH YOU, WILL YOU BE COLD?

I'VE FELT COLDER.

YOU'RE REALLY NOT AFRAID.

NO.

MOST PEOPLE WHO SAW WHAT YOU SAW--

I'M NOT MOST PEOPLE.

I LIED TO OLIVER.

I DON'T REALLY WANT TO BE ALONE TONIGHT.

HE TOOK THE CASE?

YES.

HE PHONED EARLY THIS MORNING.

WE'RE TO FOLLOW UP ON THE STOLEN VEHICLE.

WHAT MADE HIM CHANGE HIS MIND?

APPARENTLY HE DIDN'T.

HE WAS QUIETLY KEEPING TABS ON HER ALL ALONG.

AND HE CALLED YOU EARLY THIS MORNING?

YES.

ISN'T THIS WHAT YOU WERE LOBBYING FOR?

HOW EARLY?

DID HE SPEND THE NIGHT?

[SIGHS] ONE ASSUMES.

OH, GREAT. HE SPENT THE NIGHT

WITH THE FANTASY OF MILLIONS.

ALL ALONE, "PROTECTING" HER.

YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE CURSE.

- [SCOFFS] - I WOULDN'T BE.

YOU WEREN'T AROUND THE LAST TIME ANGEL WENT MENTAL.

I, ON THE OTHER HAND, WAS ON THE FIRST WAVE OF THE CLEANUP CREW.

HE KNOWS PERFECT HAPPINESS, HE GOES EVIL,

SO DON'T TELL ME NOT TO WORRY.

ANGEL'S MOMENT OF TRUE HAPPINESS

OCCURRED BECAUSE HE WAS WITH BUFFY.

DO YOU REALIZE HOW RARE THAT IS,

TRUE HAPPINESS?

AND WHAT ARE THE ODDS HE'D FIND IT WITH AN ACTRESS?

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

I WAS, UH--

I MEANT TV ACTRESS.

SAVE IT.

ANGEL SPENT THE NIGHT AT REBECCA'S.

I OWE IT TO THAT POOR GIRL

TO SEE IF HE WOUND UP CHOWING DOWN

ON MY ONE LINK TO FAME.

CORDELIA, YOU'RE HERE.

AND YOU BROUGHT A CROSS.

ALONG WITH 3 DOUBLE HALF-CAF NONFAT SKINNY LATTES.

AND A CROSS.

WELL, JUDGING BY THE OUTFIT,

I GUESS IT'S SAFE TO COME IN.

EVIL ANGEL NEVER WOULD HAVE WORN THOSE PANTS.

WHERE'S REBECCA?

SHE HAD A LUNCH TO GO TO.

LUNCH? IT'S STILL NOON.

SHOULDN'T THAT BE MORE OF A BRUNCH FOR HER?

WELL, ACTUALLY, SHE WAS UP BEFORE DAWN WORKING OUT.

SO SHE WENT TO LUNCH AND JUST LEFT YOU HERE

TO RUMMAGE THROUGH HER THINGS?

[GROANS] NO.

I TOLD HER I WAS A VAMPIRE

AND THAT DAYTIME PATIO DINING WAS OUT.

DID YOU JUST MAKE A JOKE?

I REALLY TOLD HER.

WOW.

SO DO YOU THINK SHE'D STILL SET ME UP WITH HER MANAGER?

YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.

THEY CANCELED, DIDN'T THEY?

NOT CANCELED, POSTPONED. THAT'S ALL.

SCHEDULING CONFLICTS. IT'S NOTHING.

OLIVER, YOU SAID I HAD THIS PART.

YES. THEY WANT YOU TO COME INTO THEIR OFFICES AND READ.

READ?

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN

SINCE I'VE HAD TO READ FOR ANYTHING?

SEASON AND A HALF OFF THE AIR,

AND SUDDENLY I'M NOBODY AGAIN.

WELL, NOT ACCORDING TO THESE.

ACCORDING TO THOSE, I'VE SLEPT WITH ERNEST BORGNINE

AND I'M BULIMIC.

I HEAR BORGNINE'S A VERY SKILLED LOVER.

LISTEN TO ME. POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL.

WE'VE ALL GOT PROBLEMS.

YEAH, WELL,

RIGHT NOW MY PROBLEM INVOLVES

GETTING THIS FRIGHT-NIGHT GUY OFF MY BACK

LONG ENOUGH TO WIN THIS PART.

BEEN SO DISTRACTED LATELY,

I HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH TIME TO PLAY THE GAME.

AND NOW I'M AFRAID I'M LOSING.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Woman: HERE YOU ARE, MISS LOWELL.

THANK YOU, MARIA.

YOU'RE, WHAT, A 44 LONG?

WHY?

I'VE GOT A PREMIERE TONIGHT.

CAN'T GO WITHOUT MY BODYGUARD, CAN I?

Crowd: RAVEN! RAVEN!

Photographer: REBECCA! REBECCA!

[APPLAUSE]

RAVEN. THEY THINK THAT I'M THE CHARACTER I PLAY.

[CHEERING]

[SIGHS]

THEY'RE SHOWING THE MOVIE IN THE ALLEYWAY?

OH, NO.

I JUST COME TO THESE THINGS FOR THE PHOTO OP.

MY DRIVER KNOWS TO MEET ME OUT BACK.

GOD, IF I HAD TO SIT THROUGH EVERY ONE OF THESE,

THE SHEER BOREDOM WOULD KILL ME.

REBECCA.

AAAAAH!

AAAAAAH! REBECCA, GET DOWN!

AAAAH!

[Grunting]

REBECCA--

IT'S OK. I'M HERE.

I JUST WANT TO GO OVER YOUR STATEMENT ONE MORE TIME, SIR--

LET'S GO, SIR.

REBECCA. [Sighs]

NOT AGAIN. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD.

AND WHEN WAS THAT EXACTLY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I KNOW THE STALKER. I'VE SEEN HIM.

AT YOUR HOUSE.

MMM. HE'S A STUNTMAN.

YOU USED TO REPRESENT HIM.

OH, I--I DIDN'T GET A GOOD LOOK.

OH, COME ON, OLIVER.

MY PRIVATE PHONE NUMBER, HOW TO GET INTO MY HOUSE,

THAT I SKIP THE MOVIE AT A PREMIERE.

ONLY YOU KNOW ALL THAT.

I NEVER WOULD HAVE LET YOU GET HURT.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT.

I THOUGHT THE PUBLICITY MIGHT HELP YOU GET THE SERIES.

I DID IT OUT OF LOVE.

I DON'T PAY YOU TO LOVE ME.

NO. THAT YOU GET FOR FREE.

I DIDN'T GET THE PART, DID I?

I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU TONIGHT.

THE NETWORK SUDDENLY FEELS

THAT YOU'RE TOO MATURE FOR THE ROLE.

I KNOW IT MAY NOT SEEM THAT WAY NOW,

BUT ONCE WE GET A LITTLE DISTANCE

BETWEEN YOU AND RAVEN--

OLIVER, THE SERIES IS IN SYNDICATION.

SHE'LL ALWAYS BE THERE.

BEC--

LOOKING YOUNGER AND BETTER AND SWEETER THAN ME FOREVER.

SWEETIE, YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER AT 24.

I'M NOT 24! I'M 2--

SHH, SHH SHH!

RAVEN IS 22.

SHE WILL ALWAYS BE 22.

ALL RIGHT, SO SHE'LL ALWAYS BE 22.

SHE'S NOT YOU,

AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO FACE IT--

THAT NOBODY STAYS YOUNG FOREVER.

MMM.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW,

I GOT THE PRELIMINARY FORENSICS REPORT...

FROM THE THEATER.

THE BULLETS WERE-- BLANKS.

NO, I'M AFRAID THEY WERE BLANKS.

THE SHOTS NEVER CONNECTED.

I WENT BACK. THERE WERE NO HOLES IN THE WALL,

NO CHIPPED PAINT, NOTHING.

SINCE WHEN DOES A KILLER USE BLANKS?

WHEN HE'S NOT A KILLER. WHEN IT'S A FAKE.

MISS LOWELL?

I DON'T THINK SHE KNOWS,

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL HER.

WELL, THIS IS GOOD NEWS, ISN'T IT?

DEPENDS ON WHAT'S GONNA BOTHER HER MORE--

BEING STALKED OR NOT BEING STALKED.

ACTRESSES.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

THANKS FOR COMING.

I'M SURE GLAD YOU COULD FIND THE TIME.

HA HA HA!

OH, YOU WERE BEING SERIOUS?

'CAUSE BIG IMPORTANT STARS ASK ME OUT

FOR LUNCH AND A SHOPPING SPREE, LIKE, ALL THE TIME--

IN MY DREAMS! HA HA.

I'M JUST AN ACTRESS, LIKE YOU.

YOU'RE AN ACTRESS. I'M SOMEONE WHO AUDITIONS

AND AUDITIONS AND--

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIRST START OUT.

I'M SURE YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT REALLY BIG.

YEE-HEE-HEE!

HEH HEH, SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO SQUEAL LIKE THAT IN PUBLIC.

ANYWAY, THANK YOU FOR CALLING.

YOU MUST HAVE A TON OF FRIENDS YOU COULD HAVE ASKED.

YEAH, BUT NONE OF THEM WOULD KNOW

WHAT TO BUY A 200-YEAR-OLD VAMPIRE

AS A THANK-YOU GIFT.

OH, GOD! HE'S IMPOSSIBLE TO BUY FOR.

WHAT ON EARTH DOES HE NEED, MORE SOCKS?

SO, WHAT'S HIS STORY ANYWAY?

HOW DID HE BECOME WHAT HE IS?

OH, GOD. YOU GOT 8 HOURS?

I'VE GOT ALL DAY. YAA-HA!

I WON'T DO THAT AGAIN.

I WAS JUST COMING TO SEE YOU.

THERE WAS NO ONE UPSTAIRS,

SO I JUST CAME DOWN.

I HOPE THAT'S OK.

UH, SURE. COME ON IN.

I WENT SHOPPING WITH CORDELIA

TO PICK OUT A THANK-YOU GIFT FOR YOU,

BUT WHAT DO YOU GET THE GUY

WHO HAS ALREADY SEEN EVERYTHING?

SO, I FIGURED, WHAT'S BETTER THAN DOM?

YOU CAN-- I MEAN, YOU DO--

I CAN DRINK OTHER LIQUIDS. YEAH.

GOOD.

HAVE YOU GOT GLASSES?

YEAH, YEAH.

PLEASE, SIT DOWN.

WOW, IT'S SORT OF WHAT YOU'D EXPECT

AND...SORT OF NOT.

WELL, THERE'S NO COFFIN.

YOU KNOW, THAT HADN'T EVEN CROSSED MY MIND.

REBECCA...

THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

YOUR STALKER, HE'S NOT REALLY--

OH, THAT.

I ALREADY KNOW.

YOU DO?

IT TURNS OUT WE SHARE REPRESENTATION.

OLIVER.

SET THE WHOLE THING UP

TO REVIVE MY FLAGGING CAREER.

DIDN'T WORK. I DIDN'T GET THE PART.

I'M SORRY.

YEAH.

HAVE YOU EVER--

OH, THIS IS SO DUMB--

HAVE YOU EVER DONE THAT THING

WHERE YOU LINK ARMS AND SIP CHAMPAGNE?

I MEAN, IT'S SORT OF A GOOD-LUCK THING.

OH!

YOUR SHIRT.

THAT'S OK. IT'S OK.

IT'S, UH, IT'S KIND OF FUN.

COLD, BUT FUN.

I'LL--I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

YOU KNOW, THE NEXT TIME I TRY SOMETHING SO CORNY,

I PROMISE NOT TO RUIN YOUR WARDROBE IN THE PROCESS.

LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN.

A TOAST.

TO THE END OF AN ENDING,

AND THE BEGINNING OF A BEGINNING.

[Clink]

[Knock On Door]

OH, WESLEY.

I GOT YOUR PAGES. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

I THINK I MAY HAVE DONE SOMETHING TERRIBLE.

I WENT SHOPPING WITH REBECCA.

AND THAT WAS TERRIBLE?

HUH? NO! THAT WAS FANTASTIC.

YOU KNOW THEY CLOSE OFF STORES FOR HER?

OH, AND LUNCH AT MIRABELLE!

I HAD THE MOST TO-DIE-FOR VEAL FILET

WITH A LIGHT TRUFFLE MARINADE, AND--

CORDELIA.

OH, SORRY. ANYWAY,

THE WHOLE TIME REBECCA'S REAL GABBY,

ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT ANGEL.

WELL, WHAT SORT OF QUESTIONS?

OH, YOU KNOW-- WHERE DOES ANGEL HAIL FROM,

WHAT'S HIS FAVORITE COLOR,

WHAT KIND OF AFTERSHAVE HE WEARS,

THE EXACT SPECIFIC DETAILS

ON HOW SOMEONE COULD MAKE THEMSELVES INTO A VAMPIRE.

SURELY YOU DON'T THINK--

[Sighs] WHAT?

THAT SHE'S GOING TO MANEUVER ANGEL

INTO AN EXCHANGE OF BODILY FLUIDS

IN ORDER TO MAKE HERSELF ETERNALLY YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL,

THUS SAVING HER FAILING CAREER?

GEE, NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT.

I USED TO BE, UM, A LONG TIME AGO.

I HURT A LOT OF PEOPLE.

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.

NO, IT'S TRUE.

I WAS BAD.

WHICH IS WHY I HAVE TO HELP PEOPLE NOW.

I'M TRYING TO ATONE.

CORDELIA SAYS YOU'VE SAVED THE WORLD.

OH, A COUPLE TIMES I HELPED.

BUT I ALMOST HAD IT SUCKED INTO HELL ONCE, TOO.

STILL, DON'T YOU THINK,

AFTER ALL THIS TIME,

YOU DESERVE SOME HAPPINESS?

THAT'S PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA.

MMM.

YOU SMELL...SO GOOD.

SO WARM.

I MISS THAT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

YOU CAN HAVE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN CRAVING

ALL THESE LONG, EMPTY YEARS.

WE BOTH CAN.

FOREVER.

OH HO HO.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

DO IT.

WE WON'T HAVE TO BE LONELY,

EITHER ONE OF US, EVER AGAIN.

YOU'RE WRONG.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YOU'RE ASKING ME TO DO.

OF COURSE I KNOW.

I'M NOT A FOOL.

THERE'S A PRICE, I UNDERSTAND THAT.

NO, YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.

I WASN'T AFRAID, WAS I?

WHEN I LOOKED INTO THE MIRROR AND YOU WEREN'T THERE.

I DIDN'T SCREAM, I DIDN'T RUN.

I UNDERSTOOD.

NO, YOU WEREN'T AFRAID.

YOU LOOKED INTO THAT MIRROR AND ALL YOU SAW WAS YOURSELF.

BUT THAT'S ALL YOU EVER SEE, REBECCA,

AND THAT'S WHAT REALLY FRIGHTENS YOU.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE WAY THE STUDIO

OR THE NETWORK OR YOUR FANS SEE YOU.

IT'S ABOUT HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF.

YOUR OWN REFLECTION HAS BEEN CORRUPTED INTO SOMETHING UNRECOGNIZABLE.

YOU THINK YOU WANT IT TO STAY THE SAME?

WHAT YOU REALLY WANT IS TO MAKE IT DISAPPEAR.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HELP PEOPLE.

HELP ME.

YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU?

FINE.

AAAH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

BIG DECISION, REBECCA. ETERNITY.

AAAH!

YOU NEED A TASTE OF WHAT IT IS YOU'RE REALLY ASKING FOR.

[Gasps]

I'M SORRY, I--

WHA--WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?

NOTHING.

YOU PUT SOMETHING IN MY DRINK.

I JUST WANTED YOU TO RELAX A LITTLE, ANGEL.

OH, LOWER THE DEFENSES A LITTLE.

WHAT WAS IT?

JUST A LITTLE HAPPY PILL.

[Panting]

OH, GOD.

I'M SO SORRY.

EVERYBODY'S SO SORRY.

I JUST WANTED US BOTH TO BE HAPPY.

OH, BUT I AM HAPPY.

YOU ARE?

YES.

AAAH!

PERFECTLY HAPPY.

[Whispers] Angel?

WH--WHAT'S THE MATTER?

LOOK A LITTLE NERVOUS.

YOU, YOU'RE--

FREE!

YOU FREED ME.

MMM.

OH, GOD, I LOVE THIS STUFF.

WOW!

REMIND ME TO GET THE NAME OF YOUR DEALER

BEFORE I KILL YOU.

KILL ME?

IN ALL MY YEARS,

I NEVER KILLED A FAMOUS PERSON BEFORE.

BUT WITH NO WITNESSES, WHO'S GONNA BELIEVE ME?

MAYBE WE CAN TAKE A PICTURE.

I KNOW!

WE'LL DO IT LIKE WE DID BACK IN THE DAY.

I'LL KEEP YOUR HEAD ON A STICK...AS PROOF.

MY HEAD ON A STICK?

WELL, OK...

[Glass Breaks]

PIKE.

YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO SCARE ME.

IS IT WORKING? NO.

HOW ABOUT NOW?

YOU'RE CRAZY.

OH, NO. I'M A VAMPIRE.

HA HA HA HA HA!

BOY, YOU KNOW, YOU COULD STAND TO DROP A FEW POUNDS.

HEY, I'LL HELP YOU WITH THAT.

THIS ISN'T YOU.

THEY ALWAYS MISTAKE ME FOR THE CHARACTER I PLAY.

THEY NEVER SEE THE REAL ME!

I'M-- I JUST WANTED TO--

BE LIKE ME?

HEY, CAN'T SAY I BLAME YOU. I'M ONE HAPPY FELLA.

TELL YOU WHAT-- I'LL TORTURE YOU

FOR A FEW UNBELIEVABLY LONG HOURS,

THEN YOU CAN TELL ME IF THIS IS THE LIFESTYLE FOR YOU.

UP TO YOU.

WHATEVER YOU'RE GOING TO DO,

DO IT.

I'M NOT RUNNING ANYMORE.

AAAAAH!

NOW THAT I RESPECT!

AAAAH!

[Sighs] WOMEN.

[GASPS]

AAAAAH!

IT'S OK.

THANK GOD.

YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.

HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME.

YOU SLUT. HUH?

YOU DID IT WITH HIM, DIDN'T YOU?

CORDELIA.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

WHAT YOU DID TO HIM.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

WITH RESPECT, MISS LOWELL, YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING.

WELL, I MAY HAVE GIVEN HIM SOMETHING

TO HELP LOOSEN HIM UP, AND NOW HE'S--

LOOSE?

YEAH. WHAT DID YOU GIVE HIM?

DOES IT MATTER?

WELL, IF HE'S ALL HOMICIDAL,

I'M THINKING YEAH!

DOXIMALL.

DOXIMALL? DOXI-WHAT?

A POWERFUL TRANQUILIZER.

IT INDUCES BLISS.

BLISS?

AS IN BLISS, SHEER CONTENTMENT?

PERFECT HAPPINESS?

IT'S SYNTHETIC. NOT TRUE HAPPINESS.

THIS IS REALLY GOOD STUFF.

HE HASN'T REALLY TURNED.

IT'S AN ILLUSION. NOT REAL.

HE BIT ME.

WE MIGHT WANT TO LEAVE THE PREMISES...

FOR A WHILE, JUST UNTIL THE EFFECTS WEAR OFF.

WELL, ARE YOU SURE THEY WILL WEAR OFF?

REASONABLY SURE--

[Whispers] He's cut the power.

Where's the box?

The side of the building.

He's gone out through the street.

Which means he's--

LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY DIDN'T PAY THE POWER BILL.

CORDELIA.

I'D LAY ODDS THAT THE PHONE'S DEAD, TOO.

WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK, HMM?

WHAT HAPPENS IF THERE'S AN EMERGENCY?

ANGEL...

I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME.

WHAT YOU'RE EXPERIENCING IS NOT GENUINE.

YOU'VE BEEN FED A DRUG. IT'S SIMULATING BLISS.

ALL THAT YOU'RE FEELING IS JUST CHEMICAL SUGGESTION.

ANGEL?

NAME'S ANGELUS.

I DON'T WISH TO RESORT TO DRASTIC MEASURES,

BUT UNLESS YOU LISTEN TO REASON, I WARN YOU--

YOU'RE WARNING ME?

WHAT HAPPENED, WES?

YOU SUDDENLY GROW A PAIR?

WELL, THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT?

I MEAN, THAT'S THE WHOLE ROOT OF YOUR INFERIORITY COMPLEX.

WELL, GOOD NEWS, WES, OLD BOY,

YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX.

YOU'RE JUST SIMPLY INFERIOR.

WESLEY, NO!

OK.

WHAT-- OOH,

WHY DON'T YOU JUS-S-S-S--

[Mimics] JUS-S-S-S-S-S?

LINE!

OF COURSE A TIME WILL COME

WHEN TORVALD IS NOT AS DEVOTED TO ME.

YOU WERE REALLY, LET ME TELL YOU, BAD.

STOP IT.

WHY? YOU DIDN'T.

I MEAN, I'VE BEEN TO HELL,

BUT THAT WAS SO MUCH WORSE!

YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

I MEAN, THERE WASN'T A DRY EYE IN THE HOUSE.

EVERYBODY WAS JUST LAUGHING SO HARD.

HERE'S A THOUGHT--

MAYBE YOU CAN GET RAVEN HERE TO COACH YOU,

THEN YOU'D ACTUALLY SUCK.

BACK OFF.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? MELT ME?

ONE MORE STEP AND YOU'LL FIND OUT.

YOU THINK THIS IS JUST WATER?

YOU'RE BLUFFING.

AM I?

YOU DON'T THINK I WASN'T READY FOR THIS, DO YOU?

THAT I HADN'T PREPARED FOR IT?

WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE A STAKE STASHED IN MY DESK,

A CROSS IN MY BAG?

I THINK ABOUT THIS HAPPENING EVERY SINGLE DAY.

THAT'S JUST DRINKING WATER.

FRESH FROM A MOUNTAIN SPRING,

DELIVERED RIGHT TO OUR DOOR--

THEN BLESSED EVERY SECOND TUESDAY BY FATHER MACKIE,

THE LOCAL PARISH PRIEST, WHILE YOU'RE DOWN IN THE BAT CAVE

SLEEPING THROUGH THE BETTER PART OF THE DAY.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?

HAVE SOME!

[Groaning]

AND THE OSCAR GOES TO--

AAAAAAAAH!

[Moans]

ARE YOU STILL EVIL?

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

CAN I GET ANOTHER READING ON THAT LINE, PLEASE?

REBECCA, IS SHE--

GONE.

OH, AND, NO,

SHE WON'T BE KEEPING YOU ON RETAINER AS HER BODYGUARD.

I THINK IT WAS THE TRYING TO MURDER HER

THAT LOST YOU THE GIG.

I NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO BOTH OF YOU.

THERE'S REALLY NO NEED.

UH, HELLO?

IT WAS THE DRUGS, COULDN'T BE HELPED.

THINGS WERE SAID, THAT'S TRUE,

BUT I THINK IT BEST IF WE SIMPLY PUT IT BEHIND US...

MOVE ON.

THANK YOU.

YOU WALK A FINE LINE, ANGEL.

I DON'T ENVY YOU.

WESLEY...

NICE MOVES UP THERE.

CORDELIA--

HERE'S SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY TO YOU:

WESLEY'S RIGHT.

FORGET ABOUT IT.

BUT I DIDN'T REALLY MEAN--

YES, YOU DID.

AND I'D APPRECIATE IT

IF YOU DIDN'T TRY TO WEASEL OUT OF IT.

ANGELUS MAY NOT BE THE MOST RELAXING COMPANY,

BUT AT LEAST HE'S HONEST.

SHOULDN'T I EXPECT THE SAME

FROM THE NOT-EVIL VERSION OF MY FRIENDS?

SO WE'RE OK, THEN?

I'M TOO BIG OF A PERSON TO LET SOMETHING SO PETTY

GET IN THE WAY OF OUR FRIENDSHIP.

I APPRECIATE THAT.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA UNTIE ME, ARE YOU?

PFFT!

WESLEY?

CORDELIA?

GUYS?

GRR! ARRGH!