Original subtitles

This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting from the start,

some strong language, and deals with Suicide

Enjoy your time with Velorum. My name is Karen. I'm staff captain on this ship of dreams.

Ah, hello, Jamie. What the hell are you doing here?

This wasn't part of the plan. I take your place on here,

you stay at home. But you can still do your thing, man.

Find out what happened to your sister. Um...

Her name's Pippa. Someone on here knows something.

This is my one and only chance of finding out what actually happened,

whilst all the same people are still on the ship.

This boat's tribal as hell.

I can help you. I'm an accessory now, aren't I?

I wanna know more about the guy she was seeing, Danny.

Danny had a phone in his room. I wanna get him on his own.

I was sorry to hear about what happened with your ex. Was it Pippa?

Everyone on here is a suspect.

Yep, go.

Wait, no.

Oh, come on.

Hi, my name is Pippa Walsh,

and this is my audition tape

to join Velorum Cruises entertainment team. I am...

RATTLING

Dad.

Dad!

He's shitfaced. Just leave him.

All right, I'm sending it. No. Why not?

I'm not sending it.

It's stupid. What if it's not my scene?

You're worried about leaving me.

It's a long time to be away. I don't wanna leave you alone.

I won't be.

Dad'll be about, won't he?

When has Dad ever been about?

Look, this could be your chance to get out,

and to do something for yourself.

Jamie, I'm not sending it.

Sent it.

Your audition was shite anyway. You won't get it.

# Snowdrops and daffodils

# Butterflies and bees

# Sailboats and fishermen

# Things of the sea

# Wishing wells

# Wedding bells

# Early morning dew

# All kinds of everything

# Remind me of you. #

GROANING

BOTTLES CLATTER

LOUD BANG

Bloody hell. What's taking you so long?

Could somebody help me?

You're a big girl. Get on with it.

What a prick.

"You're a big girl. Get on with it."

Oh.

SHE STRAINS

Ahh.

SHE SQUEALS

SHE SCREAMS

SCREAMING CONTINUES

HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

HE GROANS

MUSIC STOPS

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Cardio.

MUSIC CONTINUES

Are you actually trying to attract attention?

Says the lad that staggered in rat-arsed.

I thought you were on here to find your sister,

not go on the lash.

Here's my meal plan, by the way.

Tilapia fillets? Is that a joke?

I never joke about food prep.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Rise and shine. Is that behaving itself?

Give me that.

So, last night, whilst you were dancing the light fandango,

I did some probing, got the scoop on Danny.

Who knew that whisky sours were such a powerful truth serum?

Turns out he might not be such a fucky fuckboy after all.

He was gutted when your sister broke up with him.

No... No way. You should've heard how he talked about her last night.

He was obsessed. Inconsolable when she jumped.

Well, that's it then, isn't it? His motive.

Danny couldn't bear her leaving him.

Crime of passion.

Emotional abandonment causes serious deviant behaviour.

And I already told you, Pippa didn't jump.

Did you charge the phone?

Look, even if I can't unlock it,

I can still use it to confront Danny.

Ask him why he's got a missing girl's phone under his bed, make him talk.

I hate to ruin your flow, but we're on breakfast service in five. Oh...

And you...

Yeah, yeah, "Don't make a sound, don't go anywhere."

I mean it. If you blow my cover,

this will have all been for nothing.

And I know I'm onto something. I'm getting close to the truth.

Well, keep a lookout for Rosie.

Oh, is this the ex you're stalking?

Not stalking, just making him observe and report on.

Gross.

Do not move from this cabin.

JAUNTY BACKGROUND MUSIC PLAYS

GENERAL CHATTER

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

Jerome, are you still drunk?

Can't someone get me an Uber?

You'll get used to the work, party, repeat thing.

What, there's another party?

Working on here is like a never-ending freshers week.

What's up with him?

I'm talking to you.

Is he your boyfriend?

Oh, no.

There's just a social order on here that we follow.

I'm from Brighton, but to them I'm another Filipino.

And you don't take sides against the family.

That's what happens when you put thousands

of people in close confinement with shit WiFi.

Race alliances weren't in the brochure.

So, what, you're part of a mafia?

By default, I suppose. But I do my own thing.

What do they actually do?

Bookmaking, targeted assassinations.

Honestly, mafia sounds scarier than what it is.

They're more like unions. We have the shitty end of the stick on here,

so it makes sense to have each other's backs.

There are so many weird, unwritten rules on here.

Like what?

Oi! Watch it.

RADIO: Come in, Officer Beaker.

This is Beaker.

Come in, Beaker.

This is Beaker.

Who's this?

It's fucking Beaker, Karen. Go for Beaker.

Round up the entertainers and send them to the theatre.

We've got a situation.

Sober him up.

Yeah.

Are all officer roid-head goons?

They're all ex-military.

You've been very informative.

"You've been very informative."

Did you hear that? They're rounding up the entertainers.

Danny will be there.

MUFFLED CHATTER

Where's Danny?

Do you like him, then? Who? Olly?

I don't know him.

Well, you've got a few months to fix that, haven't you?

I don't plan on being on here that long.

Are you out back home?

Kind of.

Well, I mean, only to Pippa.

Then there was someone, this guy that I started seeing, but...

What happened? This happened.

I can't have any distractions. Not when I'm this close.

If Danny does know something... He does. I'm sure of it.

If he's done something to Pippa, what are you gonna do?

Have you thought about that?

What is going on?

This better be good.

Thank you for coming in, everyone.

You might've noticed one of you isn't here.

It's with regret we have to inform you of

the passing of one of your own. Danny Jones.

We believe he took his own life in the early hours of this morning.

We wanted to let you know first.

How... How's...

We're waiting for a fuller picture.

I wanna be honest with you guys.

It looks as though he'd had too much to drink.

Paralytic, as they say. He jumped from a funnel up top.

It's crucial you say nothing to our guests, OK?

We don't want a panic when we're trying

to make sense of a terrible situation like this.

And if this gets out in the wrong way,

and believe me, I've seen it happen before,

the Sacramentum could become the Arab Spring,

faster than green grass through a goose, OK?

And you can't get faster than green grass through a goose.

There is no right way to feel,

and it's completely normal to have a wide range of emotions.

Apparently it's good to talk. So,

if you do feel the need to speak to someone,

there's a confidential Velorum phone number I can give you to call.

Let's be there for each other, and talk.

Just to each other, aye? Cos loose lips and all that.

We only saw him last night. He didn't look that drunk.

He was into drugs.

He could've been high.

Jamie, say something, please.

He was my main suspect.

Strange coincidence him suddenly just being found dead.

I can't even get on Pippa's phone.

Excuse me. Can I get service?

Ahoy, matey. What will it be?

A yo-ho-ho and a fire in the hole.

What if, I'm just putting this out there,

hear me out, hear me out.

It really did sound like Danny was besotted

with your sister, and what if this was some star-crossed lovers thing?

I know you said that she wouldn't jump,

but we've been on here less than 48 hours

and I've thought about hauling myself overboard at least

a dozen times. Also, everyone on here seems

to be consistently white-boy wasted.

I dunno, OK. Look, I'm just saying,

throw a messy break-up into the mix,

who wouldn't crack?

What if Velorum are telling the truth?

What if Pippa did jump?

SCREECHING LAUGHTER

Hey, miss. Where's the smoke?

The fire in the hole comes all smoky.

Yeah, we ran out.

Of smoke?

Mm-hmm.

I want smoke. I'm in first class.

First class what?

I'm staying in first class.

And?

Do you have a problem, young lady?

Yeah. It's called minimum wage.

Mm. Well,

perhaps you should've worked a little harder at school.

Do you need some ice for that burn?

I'm in! I'm in! What was it?

It was our mum's birthday.

Poor Lauren found Danny's body.

Fascists wouldn't give her the morning off.

There's a number Pippa was texting the day she disappeared.

She wanted off the ship.

Extortion?

No, no, no, she wouldn't.

What's going on? She must've been desperate.

Oh, whoa!

What was she doing?

I think you mean who.

If she was blackmailing someone this is it, this is proof that

she was in over her head into something dangerous.

She can't have jumped. It's proof that she was shaking somebody down.

It's proof that she was obviously in a bad place

and would've done anything to get off here.

He's got a tattoo.

Did Danny have one? Is it him? Is that why he had her phone?

I dunno. What now?

We finish our shift and then we need to find Nemo.

I just can't believe he's gone.

Is this really happening?

Why didn't he say something?

Did we do this?

Pippa jumped, and now Danny's dead.

Did we bring this all on ourselves?

Do we need protection?

Protection? What are we, five?

I'm just scared, OK?

We are in way over our heads.

Are we in a mafia drugs war?

Why am I still here? I should've left yesterday.

We want out, Sophia.

We didn't come on here to deal drugs.

Amys, spread the word. We've having a vigil for Danny,

tonight. Get candles from hospitality.

Bethany May, look at me, hey! You're on booze.

And, Hamish,

grow a set of balls.

Well, go!

Where are we going?

We need to see if it was Danny in that photo.

How do we do that? Arctic roll.

Remember what you told me about arctic roll?

The morgue. Every ship has one.

WHEELS SQUEAKING

How many people actually die in these things?

No-one knows.

Not all cruise lines share their statistics.

Have you got any tattoos?

I'm scared of needles.

Erm...

You know, erm, in the '40s,

gay girls got nautical stars on their wrists

to spot each other. I got a henna one once.

My parents didn't speak to me for, like, two weeks.

I listened to this podcast once that

said Jeffrey Dahmer didn't eat people with tattoos,

cos he said the ink made the flesh taste weird.

Sorry, I talk when I get nervous.

OK. Let's just get this over with.

Dulcie, clean up in the soft play palace.

Some animal's left a hot sloppy in the ball pool.

I'll be in medical if you need me.

HE SIGHS

Is it him? Is it Danny?

No tattoo.

Jesus. What happened to him?

We need to get out of here.

They lied to us.

Now! Why would they lie?

Jamie, we need to go.

You two, cool your jets.

We've just been to see the nurse.

He's got the Barry Whites.

You're not looking too peachy.

She said I must've eaten something dodgy.

Did she now?

Nurse is a fella. Nauseating, I know.

I didn't mean "she".

He calls everyone "she", don't you? Because he's a homosexual.

Yep. Hey, girl!

It's just our culture.

All right.

Pints won't pull themselves.

Fuck off!

LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

Jesus.

We want out.

Hello!

Look, what if Danny didn't jump?

Danny was a mess. All right. He had a problem.

I'm really sorry, I know he was your friend.

But he did like to dip into the supply.

We don't feel safe.

Well, I wouldn't let anybody hurt you.

Oh, be still my beating heart.

We're performers, Sam.

Idina Menzel never had to shift gear to the Flying Monkeys.

Who? We're selling mandy and poppers on a cruise ship, Sophia.

You're not in South Central LA.

No, WE'RE selling. We're the ones in danger.

You got us into this. We should've stuck to selling to guests,

not crew. The mafias are pissed.

The mafias are always pissed off about something.

Sam, we're scared.

I'm scared.

All right, I'll have a word with the officers.

They're not gonna like it, though.

Thank you.

The smell of sweaty man just does something to me.

CONSOLE BEEPS

I'll, erm, be in the studio if you want to join me for some...

..yogalates.

Stabbed to death.

Like a Capri Sun. Well, that's not good.

Why would Velorum lie about Danny killing himself?

There's a killer on the ship.

I told you Pippa didn't jump. Danny got her involved in something.

There's a killer on the ship.

So, what, you think the fella in the photo killed Danny?

I don't know, but it's all we've got to go on.

Let's see this ink, then.

Jesus! That's an ankle slapper.

You should speak to the Filipinos.

There's usually one of them doing tattoos down in the engine room.

I wouldn't go blazing down there without an invite though.

You need someone to vouch for you, like.

BOTH: Olly. He'll take us down there. Yeah.

Hey. You do know there's zero chance

that his sister's still breathing, don't you?

PHONE RINGS

SHE SNIFFS

WATER TRICKLES

Hello?

BANGING

SHE YELPS

BANGING

SHE SCREAMS

Help! Help!

Help!

SCREAMING

PANICKED BREATHING

Hey, girl.

Been looking for you.

Lucky me.

Nice parrot.

I need to ask a favour.

Which picture should I post with Danny?

Wait, what else do you have? That one's so cute.

Look at his little glasses, though.

Oh!

Uh...

I, erm, told Sam we want out.

He's gonna speak to the others. What does that mean?

It means what it means.

What the hell is that?

It's a collage. For the vigil.

Danny is dead.

He's not in the X Factor final.

What's with her? I don't know.

Why do you want a tattoo?

Cos it's free.

Nothing is free on here.

Did you bring what I told you? Right here.

Oh, this is a really, really bad idea.

The Baby isn't the sort of guy you wanna get involved with.

Why do they call him The Baby?

You'll see. Just please let me do the talking.

Erm...

Thank you for this. Don't thank me yet.

I mean it, Cormac.

Don't mess with these guys.

Come on then.

BACKGROUND CHATTER

SHOUTS

SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC

ELECTRICAL BUZZING

MUSIC BUILDS

Hello.

HE COUGHS

You must be The Baby.

Sorry to bother you.

The Baby.

IN TAGALOG:

It's nice to meet you.

I wanted, just a quick one,

I wanted to know if this is one of your designs.

What are you...?

I promise I'll explain.

The fish is one of mine.

Great. That's great. That's great.

Do you actually know who that is in the photo,

the man with the,

the man,

well, with the...

Give him that.

Oh, a gift for you.

Sorry.

Flubber? Seen it.

Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties.

Acceptable.

Natalie Cassidy Workout.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Sonia.

You're done.

You, Justin Bieber.

Sit.

Me? No, I appreciate it, but I actually don't want a tattoo.

You don't like my work?

No, no, it's, it's not that.

It's just, I find it hard to even,

like commit to a colour scheme for my room.

Sit in the chair, Cormac.

Could I maybe just get, like, a small dog?

Do you do writing at all? Like names?

Comic Sans or Times New Roman?

I just, I really hate needles.

BUZZING

ZAPPING

DISTORTED SOBBING

Gay lord say what? What?

MANIC LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER ECHOES

Where were you, Jamie?

..get faster than green grass through a goose.

HE GASPS

Hey, it's all right. It's OK, it's OK, it's OK.

You passed out. It's OK.

I had to think fast.

Hey!

Do you like it?

You got it.

So, Mr The Baby. Who's the guy in the photo?

The Baby likes to paint aquatic marine life.

Half the people on here have one of his tags. I could've told you.

However, you don't just forget a nine-inch knocker like that one.

Your man, he's an officer.

An officer? Which officer?

I don't know.

You white boys all look the same.

What the hell was that all about? Who's Pippa?

Pippa is, she's...

..she's my girlfriend. Eh?

Sorry, that was, that was just a bad joke.

That was not funny.

She's...

..she's a long story.

The Baby doesn't sterilise needles.

Nah, for a 300-pound man living in a fiery pit,

he actually has very high standards of hygiene.

You're mysterious, aren't you?

I'm really not trying to be.

It's all right.

I've got plenty of time to get to know you.

Thank you, really. I owe you.

ELECTRICAL BUZZING

Olly!

About five minutes ago. Cher show's nine.

That boy dying really makes you think about like.

And, yeah, and I don't know.

Rosie.

I was just saying, I, I've got to talk to you...

CONVERSATION CONTINUES

I think you're beautiful, you know.

Oh, thank you.

I could be Sonny to your Cher.

Yeah, it didn't end well for them, did it?

Look, you're sweet, but I've recently broken up with someone and...

Erm... So, you don't believe in life after love?

No.

I think you're beautiful, been on a ship before?

And love is hell, and once you've been to hell,

life's never the same.

Just a slow march towards death.

Ah, see you later.

Yep.

Whoa. Oh, sorry.

Bloody hell. You're a big bugger, aren't you? What's your name?

Er. My name is, is Paul.

Paul?

Some of us officers play a bit of five-a-side B-ball,

Wednesday nights.

We could use a man mountain like you.

You should come up, shoot a few hoops.

Sound. I will, yeah.

Well, make sure you do.

So, Nemo's an officer?

I didn't think those guys were Pippa's type.

The officers run the show, Olly. So,

if one of them is behind whatever's going on,

and one of them killed Danny, we need to call the police.

There's an actual mutilated body downstairs. That's hard to ignore.

I'm starting to think all this is my fault. What do you mean?

Pippa got cold feet about coming on here,

and it was me,

I didn't give her a choice.

She was so worried about leaving me.

And I told her to go.

She did everything for me growing up.

And, you know, now it was her time to go off

and to do something for herself.

Come on, you can't think like this.

It's true, though.

I never got to tell her that I'd be nothing without her.

She gave me everything. She taught me everything.

And I wasn't easy, you know, I was so stupid...

..and I was confused, and I was angry about so much,

and she just, you know, she bore the brunt of it.

I said some horrible shit at times.

Hey, come on.

It's not your fault. It's not your fault.

What if she's dead?

What if she died and no-one was with her?

Hey, you cannot blame yourself. You can't.

I mean, we don't even know what happened to her yet.

I know, but it doesn't look good though, does it?

Do you wanna know the worst thing?

I held her back for so long.

You know, what if she went nuts on here trying to make up for lost time?

We're stuck on here with a killer.

Mate, we're in deep.

It's mayday time.

We're calling the police.

We shouldn't use our own names.

There's a payphone in the casino.

LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

GAMING MACHINES BEEP

HYMNAL CHANT PLAYS

WHISPERED CHATTER

The biggest smile can hide the saddest heart.

SOBBING: The last time I saw him,

he was tea-bagging an inflatable dolphin.

SOBBING

COUGHING

Did Sam speak to you?

Somebody sent me a warning.

Sounds like a you problem, not a me problem, Barbie.

Well, we quit. We're done. Deal your own shit.

You're done when I say you're done.

Don't think cos you're keeping Sam's bed warm you can call the shots.

One word from me, Velorum will drop your arse in some shithole of

a country with just the clothes on your back.

Hey, you'll have to...

..blow your way home.

Mm.

HE TUTS

So, I'd save that precious breath.

Ah, Danny.

HE TUTS

He always knew how to make a splash.

Sorry for your loss.

FEEDBACK FROM MIC

Hi, everyone.

Hi. Hello!

Sorry, could you just be quiet, please? Sorry.

I'd just like to sing one of Danny's favourite songs.

Danny, this one's for you, babe.

SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

# She had...

# ..dumps like a truck, truck, truck

# Thighs like what, what, what

# Baby move your butt, butt, butt

# Think I'll sing it again

# She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck

# Thighs like what, what, what

# Baby move your butt, butt, butt...

SHE SNIFFS

# All night long

# Let me see that thong

# Baby

# That thong, th-thong, thong, thong

# Ooh, that dress so scandalous... #

Who, are you?

PANICKED BREATHING

CREAKING

SHE SCREAMS

Run!

HE GASPS

I'm grieving, fuck off!

Sorry.

CLATTERING

Hey!