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♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:11,922
♪ Traveled down the
road and back again
3
00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:13,390
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:18,328
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:22,399
♪ And if you threw a party
6
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:26,737
♪ Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:31,208
♪ You would see the
biggest gift would be from me
8
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,143
♪ And the card
attached would say
9
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:37,703
♪ "Thank you for
being a friend" ♪
10
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:02,873
Girls! Girls, guess what.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
11
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:05,108
Why do you always
say, "Girls, girls"?
12
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,932
Do you see Molly
Ringwald sitting here?
13
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,716
You're awfully cranky
today. Well, forgive me.
14
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:16,386
My arthritis is bothering me,
my social security check was late,
15
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:21,258
and I realized today I haven't
showered with a man in 22 years.
16
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:25,295
Ma, Pop's been dead 27 years.
17
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,565
What's your point?
18
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:31,400
What are you saying?
Isn't it obvious, Dorothy?
19
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:36,006
She showered with a
dead man for five years.
20
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:37,407
Rose, what did you want?
21
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:41,377
I got two tickets to the hottest
Norwegian musical in town.
22
00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:44,447
Rose, you've really tempted
me, but I have other plans.
23
00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:46,149
You have a date?
24
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,787
Never say that while I'm eating.
25
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:55,658
I'm teaching history for
an adult-education program.
26
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,694
It's for people who never
got high school diplomas.
27
00:01:57,718 --> 00:02:01,631
What else do they teach?
The usual high school subjects.
28
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:05,023
You mean like the three Rs - reading,
writing and rooster inseminating?
29
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:11,241
No, we just teach
the first two Rs.
30
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:14,243
Fine. But you'll be sending
people out into the world
31
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:17,013
who don't know you can
get a nasty rooster bite
32
00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:20,104
if you don't warm
your hands up first.
33
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,354
Girls, is this dress me?
34
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:29,125
It's too tight, it's too short and it shows
too much cleavage for a woman your age.
35
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,996
Yes, Blanche, it's you.
36
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,165
Another date with
your mystery man?
37
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,134
Oh, he's no mystery man.
38
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:41,671
Then how come you've been out with
him four times, we know nothing about him?
39
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:44,874
Well, there is
one little thing...
40
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:48,578
That must be him. Rose,
would you get the door, please?
41
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,449
Hello. Hello.
42
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:56,786
We thought you were Blanche's
date, but you're way too old.
43
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,522
Hola, Blanche!
44
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:01,257
Hello, sweetheart. Come here!
45
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:03,493
I want you to
meet all my friends.
46
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,962
Please forgive me.
It wasn't my fault -
47
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,732
my cousins have been marrying
each other for generations.
48
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,755
I'm sorry.
49
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:15,005
Everybody, this
is Fidel Santiago.
50
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,140
How do you do?
Very nice to meet you.
51
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:21,411
It is always a pleasure to meet
beautiful ladies such as yourselves.
52
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:24,781
With that accent, you
could almost buy it.
53
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,783
And you must be Sophia.
54
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:29,786
Your face looks
awfully familiar.
55
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:32,889
Was your picture
ever on a cigar box?
56
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,424
Ma!
57
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,860
No, no, she's right.
That was my father.
58
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:40,230
May we continue, Kommandant?
59
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:44,567
My family once owned the largest
tobacco plantation in all of Cuba.
60
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,035
Do you know that at one time
61
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:50,373
I was the most famous
Fidel in the entire country?
62
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,743
Until you-know-who showed up.
63
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,367
Who?
64
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,816
Rex the Wonder Horse, Rose.
65
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,585
How did you know
about Santiago cigars?
66
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:04,054
My husband was a fan -
67
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,222
not of the cigars, the boxes.
68
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,059
We used to keep all
our fine cutlery in one.
69
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:13,230
Blanche was right. She
said you were incorrigible.
70
00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,953
I guess I deserve it - I
always say she's a cheap slut.
71
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,104
Maybe we'd better be going. Yes.
72
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:24,407
It was a pleasure
meeting you all.
73
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,943
Good night.
74
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:30,012
Well, I guess that
solves the mystery.
75
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:33,483
Who'd have thought Blanche would
date somebody that long in the tooth?
76
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:38,421
I thought his teeth were nice. What I
couldn't believe was how old he was.
77
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,958
You know, sometimes I
really cannot believe my ears.
78
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:45,149
I know. I should've taped them
back when you were seven.
79
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:54,826
Good evening, ladies and
gentlemen. Please take your seats.
80
00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:01,011
Uh, Jorge Vega?
81
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:03,313
Michael Fachik?
82
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:05,548
Jim Shu?
83
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:08,384
Jim Shu?!
84
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:11,988
Oh, I get it gym
shoe. Very funny.
85
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:16,180
Excuse me. I am Jim Shu.
86
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:24,934
I'm terribly sorry. I thought
you were pulling my leg.
87
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:28,204
I don't think I could
drink that much sake.
88
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,527
Sit down, Shu.
89
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,645
Maria Gianelli?
90
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,613
Rose Nylund?
91
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:40,517
Rose Ny... Rose Ny...
92
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,319
Rose, what are you doing here?
93
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,455
Dorothy, I have a
confession to make.
94
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:49,125
I slipped through the cracks
of the St. Olaf school system.
95
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:54,698
That's very hard to believe. I've seen
you almost complete a TV Guide crossword.
96
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:57,834
It's true. You're looking at a
woman without a sheepskin.
97
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:01,593
I've got an extra in my
wallet I could give you.
98
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:08,567
No, thanks. I'd rather earn it.
99
00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:14,483
Meet you at
Benihana after class?
100
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:16,875
Rose. Rose.
101
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,991
You never graduated
from high school?
102
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:25,294
Not officially. Three
weeks before graduation,
103
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:28,898
I was asked to be in the kissing
booth at the founders' day fair.
104
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:33,436
Unfortunately, the first boy I
kissed had a nasty case of mono.
105
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:37,180
That afternoon, I passed
it along to 50 young men.
106
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:43,568
And one very confused female P.E.
teacher who smelled of Old Spice.
107
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:49,352
I slept day and night for the next
six months and when I finally woke up
108
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:54,691
I had missed my graduation and the
integration of major-league baseball.
109
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:58,828
Rose, I'm very sorry, but, honey,
you cannot stay in this class.
110
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,530
Oh, please, Dorothy!
111
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:04,067
I've secretly dreamt of getting
a high school diploma for years,
112
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:06,135
but I never had
the courage to do it.
113
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:11,741
Now, with you teaching, I finally
feel comfortable enough to give it a try.
114
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:15,145
Oh, all right, all
right, you can stay.
115
00:07:15,169 --> 00:07:17,169
Thank you.
116
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:23,787
All right, everybody, if
you will turn to page five...
117
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:26,055
Yes, Rose? Aren't you
forgetting something?
118
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,912
What?
119
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:32,361
I pledge allegiance
to the flag...
120
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:35,365
of the United States of America,
121
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:38,556
and to the republic
for which it stands...
122
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:47,343
Hi, Dorothy. What are you
doing? I'm grading the history test.
123
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,446
How did I do? You'll
find out in class tomorrow.
124
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,510
Can you give me a hint? No.
125
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:57,520
Did I do better than Boris
Yushenko? Oh, Rose!
126
00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:00,490
Boris Yushenko doesn't
speak a word of English
127
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,324
and he was hit in the
forehead with a mortar
128
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:05,528
during World War II.
129
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:09,032
Did I do better than him? No.
130
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:11,467
I'm a failure.
Rose, you are not.
131
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:15,572
Now, come on, you are doing very
well in every subject except history.
132
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,439
Well, I'm not surprised.
133
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:21,644
It's all because of my high school
history teacher, Mr. Stickelmeyer.
134
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:24,413
He was a Nazi. Oh, come on.
135
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,983
A lot of students don't
like their teachers...
136
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,918
No, I mean it.
137
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:33,055
He was part of a nefarious plot by
the Germans to teach misinformation
138
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:39,395
so America's youth would be really
stupid when the Germans invaded.
139
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:43,633
St. Olaf was the first town
chosen for their experiment.
140
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:47,136
I guess they figured
they had a leg-up there.
141
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,806
His orders came
right from the top.
142
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,074
You mean Hitler?
143
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,398
Who's Hitler?
144
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,681
You are bad at history.
145
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,718
Girls, I am just beside myself.
146
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,486
Fidel's seein' another woman.
147
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,287
Are you sure? Yes.
148
00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:07,256
We used to see
each other constantly.
149
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,192
Now I'm lucky to
see him twice a week.
150
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:12,295
If he's not seeing another woman,
what else could he be doing?
151
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:16,165
Maybe he paints,
like Red Skelton.
152
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,501
Rose, would you please
hand me my grade book?
153
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:20,525
Sure. Thank you.
154
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:31,080
You were saying, Blanche?
Well, it's just breaking my heart.
155
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:34,384
I've never cared for a man as
much as Fidel Santa Domingo.
156
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,808
Santiago. Oh, whatever.
157
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:43,092
The point is, he's rich, he's handsome
and we were made for each other.
158
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,628
Even if I don't speak
Mexican. Spanish.
159
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:47,931
Whatever.
160
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:51,533
I just don't know what I'm gonna
do. Oh, now calm down, Blanche.
161
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:54,203
There's probably a
very logical explanation.
162
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:57,607
You know, you're probably right.
163
00:09:57,631 --> 00:10:00,643
Oh, why would Fidel
want another woman?
164
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:05,670
After all, he's dipped his toes
in the lake known as Blanche.
165
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:13,778
That wasn't stupid
enough to deserve a hit?
166
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,830
Do you know what I'm gonna do?
167
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:23,866
Put your hands down, Rose.
168
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:26,602
Since we all had such a bad day,
169
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,338
let's all go out for
dinner. It's on me.
170
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,741
That sounds great.
I'll go get my purse.
171
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:34,677
Wow! Dinner out with the girls!
172
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:38,781
Oh, let's really get crazy.
We'll eat Chinese and use forks.
173
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,883
I know, I know!
174
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:45,988
We'll pretend it's one of our
birthdays and screw 'em out of a cake.
175
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:49,125
Boy, if I wasn't going,
I'd really be jealous of me.
176
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,760
But I am going,
so it's all irrelevant.
177
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:55,198
Rose, did I hit you
too hard before?
178
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:59,657
No, not at all. I'm trying a new hairspray
and it absorbs most of the impact.
179
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,145
Thanks for dinner. It was
delicious. My pleasure.
180
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,213
I really enjoyed it too.
181
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:15,317
I had such a good time, I forgot
all about old what's-his-name.
182
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:18,087
Fidel. Oh, honey, I
know what his name is.
183
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,455
No, I mean there he is.
184
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:23,326
And he has his arms
around another woman.
185
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:27,096
Fidel Santiago! My
papers are in order!
186
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,698
Oh... Hello, Blanche.
187
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,799
What in hell is goin' on here?
188
00:11:30,823 --> 00:11:33,202
Blanche... How could
you be so deceitful?
189
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:36,706
What is it? Is she younger,
more attractive, more desirable?
190
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:39,296
You got two out
of three, Blanche.
191
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:48,885
Sophia, what in
hell is goin' on here?
192
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,419
He's a man, I'm a woman,
193
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:54,657
I've got what it takes and
he knows how to use it.
194
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:57,226
I think I'm gonna lose my lunch.
195
00:11:57,250 --> 00:12:00,630
Blanche, listen... Fidel,
don't sugar-coat it for her.
196
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,198
Look, we happen to be an item.
197
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,535
I'm wearing his
MedicAlert bracelet.
198
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,303
When did this start?
199
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,605
Well, I have been
allergic to penicillin.
200
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:14,110
Oh, not that! I mean
this sick relationship.
201
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,779
Por favor, let me explain.
202
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:19,348
I still care for you deeply.
203
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,851
I did not mean for this
to happen, it just did.
204
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,452
When I would go to pick you up,
205
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,956
I would always talk to
Sophia while I was waiting.
206
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,892
And to my delight, I
found her to be very...
207
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,128
Hot.
208
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,096
Interesting.
209
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:39,035
Look, ladies, I am so glad
that this is all out in the open.
210
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:44,306
You are both wonderful women, and
I want to continue seeing both of you.
211
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:47,677
But of course that is a decision
that you will have to make.
212
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:49,479
Now, if you will excuse me,
213
00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:52,882
it's time for me to change into
my third linen suit of the day.
214
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:56,641
In this heat I go through
them like Kleenex.
215
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,123
Of all the nerve!
216
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:04,060
How could he possibly
think I'd continue seeing him?
217
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,662
Blanche Devereaux
has never shared a man!
218
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,799
Or a pizza.
219
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:13,569
And what does that mean,
you wrinkled old crow?
220
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:17,973
It means Fidel is interested in more than
just a cheap thrill. He also wants a mind.
221
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:20,609
Oh, yeah? Well,
we'll see about that!
222
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,467
You're on, baby!
223
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:34,891
Fidel, stop! Even surgical
stockings only have so much elastic!
224
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:39,450
Hello. I thought you two
would be asleep by now.
225
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:47,035
Girls, this nightgown is so sheer I
believe you can see right through it.
226
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:49,305
Oh, hello, Fidel.
227
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,474
Hello, Blanche. How are you?
228
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,898
You don't have
cataracts - you tell me.
229
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,971
Beat it, you
50-year-old mattress.
230
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,220
Why, you... you miserable old...
231
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:08,491
Blanche, Blanche,
Blanche. You know the rules.
232
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,394
When one of you is out with Fidel,
the other one does not interfere.
233
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:14,330
My apologies.
234
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:19,969
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna
go take a long, hot, steamy bath,
235
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:26,063
with just enough water to
barely cover my perky bosoms.
236
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:30,935
You're only gonna
sit in an inch of water?
237
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:36,552
Oh, that does it! That does it!
238
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:40,255
No, no, no, no, ladies!
239
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:44,560
Ladies, let us behave in
a more civilized manner.
240
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:48,631
You're right. I
apologize, Fidel.
241
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:49,898
So do I.
242
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:52,635
Well, good night. Good night.
243
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,171
See you at noon for
lunch? And six for dinner.
244
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:58,396
Ten for dancing?
Midnight for dessert.
245
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:04,380
Dessert at midnight?
246
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,538
There's always room for Jell-O.
247
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:15,157
I just hate you.
248
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:17,426
I regret the day you
ever moved in here.
249
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,562
And I regret the day
I gave birth to you.
250
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:24,433
Ma! Ma, I'm your daughter.
251
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:28,237
Oh, yeah.
252
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:31,274
I need a Bromo Seltzer.
253
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:33,530
I need a cheesecake.
254
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:42,251
Blanche, I hate to see you
and Sophia fighting like that.
255
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,922
She's trying to steal my
man, and no one ever...
256
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,224
steals a man from
Blanche Devereaux.
257
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,493
Right.
258
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:54,297
Blanche, this is all
about your ego, isn't it?
259
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:59,401
Ego? Dorothy, I have no ego.
260
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:01,837
And you can ask
the hundreds of men
261
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:05,875
who would gladly cut off
their right arm to sleep with me.
262
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,176
I agree with Dorothy.
263
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,144
I don't think you'd
even still be dating Fidel
264
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:11,180
if another woman
wasn't interested in him.
265
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,014
Girls, look, I know
it seems strange,
266
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:16,385
but I happen to have
strong feelings for Fidel.
267
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,187
I can't explain it.
268
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:21,457
Some things in life
defy explanation.
269
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:25,416
Yeah - like Bruce Willis's hair.
270
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:31,534
Blanche, I wanna talk to
you. I'm in no mood to fight.
271
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,970
Neither am I. That's
what I wanna talk about.
272
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:36,571
We've been at each
other's throats for weeks.
273
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:40,576
We've been running ourselves ragged
trying to outdo each other. It has to stop.
274
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,745
I'm not giving Fidel up, Sophia.
275
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:45,848
I am. I'm fighting
a losing battle.
276
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,215
You're younger, prettier...
277
00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:50,418
In the end he'll choose
you and it'll break my heart.
278
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:53,789
He's yours, Blanche.
No hard feelings.
279
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:58,394
Oh, Sophia, wait.
280
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:01,763
Why don't you take Fidel? I
have all those other boyfriends.
281
00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:03,787
OK. Good night.
282
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,842
Sophia!
283
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,232
Sophia!
284
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:23,752
Rose, I have a
little surprise for you!
285
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,188
Cookies and milk!
286
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,724
Oh, my God, what's
wrong? Nothing's wrong.
287
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:31,860
You only do nice things for me
when something terrible has happened.
288
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,996
Rose, you failed
the history test.
289
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,398
What does that mean?
290
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,501
It means you got
more wrong than right.
291
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,502
I know that - I
didn't fail math.
292
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:42,271
I was talking about
the bigger picture.
293
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:45,207
It means you won't
get your diploma.
294
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:48,076
Yeah?
295
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:52,181
Well, you have a big behind.
296
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:56,786
Oh, Rose, Rose... Please, let's
try to keep this on an adult level.
297
00:17:56,810 --> 00:18:01,779
And if you wanna talk behinds, they could
show How the West Was Won on yours.
298
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,493
I can't believe this.
299
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:09,064
I'm sorry, Rose, but I have to
grade you like everybody else.
300
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:13,102
Well, look, Dorothy, you made a
mistake. I got that question right.
301
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:17,106
Rose, the question was "Who
was the leader of the Third Reich?"
302
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:19,408
You wrote "Fritz Stickelmeyer,"
303
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,243
your high school
history teacher.
304
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:25,314
The correct answer
is Adolf Hitler.
305
00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,271
Where's my history book?
306
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:35,024
Is this the man we're talking
about? Yes, that is Adolf Hitler.
307
00:18:35,048 --> 00:18:40,629
You can call him whatever you
want, but that's Fritz Stickelmeyer.
308
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:46,468
I'm as sure of that as I am that's
Eva Braun standing next to him.
309
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:49,672
You recognize Eva Braun?
310
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:54,876
Well, sure. She was our
high school P.E. teacher.
311
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:59,414
It was rumored she used
to date Mr. Stickelmeyer.
312
00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:03,385
Rose, that's it. I just
can't take any more.
313
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:07,723
With this question right,
you have a D minus.
314
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,392
Rose, you're a high
school graduate.
315
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:12,416
Oh, boy!
316
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:18,600
Sophia! Sophia, I'm a
high school graduate!
317
00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:23,806
Congratulations. Now you can get
any job involving a cardboard hat.
318
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,442
Well, how do I look?
319
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:30,012
Hey, terrific! Where
are you going tonight?
320
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:35,751
Fidel is taking me to the Burt Reynolds
Dinner Theater to see Ruth Buzzi in Evita.
321
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,654
Dorothy, how do I...
Where are you going?
322
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,923
To the Burt Reynolds
Dinner Theater with Fidel.
323
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:44,626
But that's impossible. He invited
me yesterday after the movies.
324
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:48,063
He invited me yesterday after
dinner. This was bound to happen.
325
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:50,866
The two of you have run
that man ragged for weeks.
326
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,868
It's no wonder he got confused.
327
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,173
Hello? Confused?
328
00:19:57,197 --> 00:20:03,467
How could he possibly confuse this young,
nubile body with that raisin in sneakers?
329
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:08,517
Well, there's only one
way to settle this. I'm going.
330
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,219
The hell you are! I'm going.
331
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:13,923
Neither one of you is
going. Fidel isn't coming.
332
00:20:13,947 --> 00:20:15,224
Where is he?
333
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:18,694
We killed him. I know.
334
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,830
We might as well have put
a gun to poor Fidel's head.
335
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:25,601
We were too much woman for him.
336
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:29,070
His spirit was willing, but
his poor heart couldn't take it.
337
00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:32,675
It's all our fault. Our silly
competitiveness did this.
338
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:37,346
Oh, come on, you two. The man was in
his seventies. These things just happen.
339
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:40,304
You had nothing to do
with his heart giving out.
340
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:45,955
Dorothy, everyone
here is a woman.
341
00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:47,622
We are gathered here today
342
00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:49,892
to honor the memory of a man
343
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,394
who has suddenly
been taken from us.
344
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:55,998
What are you looking at
me for? Just keep talking.
345
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:59,668
Fidel Santiago was
a very special man.
346
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,370
He was kind, caring and loving.
347
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:06,642
He was a man who brought
joy into the lives of all he touched.
348
00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:15,985
I have the feeling he touched
every behind in the room.
349
00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:18,988
Fidel Santiago lived life...
350
00:21:19,012 --> 00:21:22,358
Excuse me, Father.
Hold that thought.
351
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:25,226
Which of you was
Fidel's girlfriend?
352
00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:26,829
Oh!
353
00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:32,290
My God, he had his burro
hitched to every bedpost in town!
354
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:35,971
But that's good news, girls.
355
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:37,839
That means your
cheap, animal-like lust
356
00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:41,744
didn't have anything
to do with killing Fidel.
357
00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:43,645
I'm leaving.
358
00:21:43,669 --> 00:21:47,049
I'm not about to mourn a man who's
been with every woman in this room.
359
00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:48,584
He was never with me.
360
00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:52,176
I guess even he
had his standards.
361
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:58,426
Hold it. Stay where you are.
362
00:21:58,450 --> 00:22:01,810
Father, if you don't mind my saying
so, I think you lost control of the room.
363
00:22:03,455 --> 00:22:05,367
Excuse me.
364
00:22:05,391 --> 00:22:08,636
The man in that box was a bum.
365
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:10,706
A scoundrel, a cheat and a liar.
366
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:14,531
You got that right.
Quiet. I work alone.
367
00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:20,615
But there was another side
to him, and it was beautiful.
368
00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:25,954
He awakened feelings in
me I haven't felt in 35 years.
369
00:22:25,978 --> 00:22:30,993
We used to hug and kiss and
hold hands, and it was nice.
370
00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:35,430
He made me feel attractive
and desirable again.
371
00:22:35,454 --> 00:22:39,201
He probably made the
rest of you feel that way too.
372
00:22:39,225 --> 00:22:43,694
And looking out at this kennel club,
that was no small accomplishment.
373
00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:49,110
You may all hate
Fidel right now,
374
00:22:49,134 --> 00:22:54,949
but I know the next time I'm sitting
in the park on a warm sunny day,
375
00:22:54,973 --> 00:22:59,020
and I smell the aroma
of a cheap cigar...
376
00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:02,291
I'll think of Fidel Santiago...
377
00:23:02,315 --> 00:23:04,248
and I'll smile.
378
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:10,899
Oh, Ma, that was very
sweet. Just lovely, Sophia.
379
00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:12,400
Sophia, can you ever forgive me
380
00:23:12,424 --> 00:23:15,036
for all those ugly
things I said?
381
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,238
Of course. It was said
in the heat of battle.
382
00:23:17,262 --> 00:23:20,242
You know, if I had it all to do
over again, I'd let you have Fidel.
383
00:23:20,266 --> 00:23:23,045
Oh, you're so generous!
384
00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:26,181
The man's packing material,
now you're letting me have him?
385
00:23:26,205 --> 00:23:28,784
I have coat racks
livelier than him!
386
00:23:28,808 --> 00:23:30,519
She's giving him to me.
387
00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:32,554
The man's face has more
powder on it than Ann Miller's
388
00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:34,222
and she's giving him to me.
389
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:37,059
A piece of lumber would
make a better dancing partner!
390
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,783
Thanks for niente!
31419
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