Original subtitles

Later, Rachel.

Oh, hitting the courts again, Mother Winslow?

I'm playing Alice Grayson. I whip her butt every time.

But she's half your age.

Poor thing, she can't go to the net.

- Later. - Have fun.

Ooh, here, give me one of those.

One?

Whew!

These grocery bags are heavy.

Thank goodness I'm in such great shape.

Look at this. Eight bags of groceries, $180.

Yeah, and can you believe the fuss they made when I paid with a check?

Well, Carl, you told them not to cash it until November.

Oh, Carl... we need to call a plumber.

Why?

Well, little Richie was curious to see...

if your new slippers would float in the toilet.

They don't.

Don't we have enough expenses around here...

without the kids sabotaging the place?

Carl, there are eight people living in this house...

it is bound to get expensive.

But if things get a little tight, we'll both work overtime.

Listen, you two, I feel like a freeloader.

- Rachel, don't be silly. - Well...

No, I appreciate the way you two have supported my attempts to be a writer...

but my career is going nowhere fast.

I'd really like to contribute to the family budget on a regular basis.

But it's really not necessary, right, Carl?

Well, let's hear her out, Harriette.

I mean, look at these newspapers.

I've been checking all the want ads, but these jobs sound so lousy.

Listen.

"Lakeshore Zoo seeks executive veterinary assistant, simian sanitation."

Well, now, that sounds good. What exactly do you do?

You scoop monkey poop.

What's the pay?

Listen, Rachel, if you gotta find a job...

- try to find something that's challenging. - Hmm.

Now, hey, here's something challenging.

"Shy guy seeks hot babe who shares love for pie toppings."

Rachel...

listen, don't feel that you have to take the first job that comes along.

Take your time, okay?

Don't worry, it's almost impossible to find a job these days.

Guess what? I just got a job.

I'm gonna be a part-time waitress at Leroy's.

I get minimum wage plus tips. We're talking new clothes, concert tickets.

I want money Lots and lots of money

I want a pie in the sky Whoa!

I wanna be rich Whoa!

Whoa!

- What? - You are only 14 years old.

- Uh, you're too young to have a job. - No, I'm not.

You have schoolwork and chores around the house.

Mom, listen, let me work at Leroy's for one month.

If my grades slip, or if I don't pull my weight around here, I'll quit. Deal?

One month.

Yes! Oh, Mom, will you sign my work permit?

Why do you need a work permit?

I'm too young to have a job.

Laura, are there any more openings at Leroy's?

Nope, I got the last one.

You?

You're working at Leroy's?

I knew you'd be thrilled, sugarknees.

I saw you ask Leroy for a job, so I decided to ask for one too.

Go home, Steve.

All right, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Uh...

Uh, a peck near the lip area would speed me on my way.

So would a left hook.

Ooh, I love it when she gets physical.

Boy, Laura's got a job, even Steve Urkel's got a job.

Now, I should be able to find something.

Well, if you're interested...

my Uncle Cecil Urkel is looking for somebody.

Really? What kind of job is it?

I'm not sure.

All I know is it's got something to do with pie toppings.

Hey, Jolene...

who do you think is better-looking, me or Tyrone?

Well, right now, Eddie, I'd have to say Tyrone.

Why?

Because you don't look real hunky with mustard on your nose.

Laura, give Table 6 their check.

- But they're not done eating. - Ha!

If I waited for people to finish eating my food, I'd never make a dime.

Where is she? Psst!

Hey, hey, she looks like a great waitress. I hope we get her.

What are you guys doing here?

- We wanted to give you our support. - And throw you a little business.

And after that, we'll rock till we drop.

Mom!

Waitress, we need menus.

Sorry, this is not my station.

Steve, Table 10.

Hi. Ooh!

Oh. I'll be with you in two shakes of a lamb's tail, okay?

Here's your food.

We're out of fries right now, but I'll try and scrape some up.

Hi, everybody. Welcome to Leroy's.

Menu, menu, menu... menu, menu.

Uh, just bring us burgers and fries.

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

thank you, thank you.

Okey-dokey. Would you guys like those burgers with cheese?

Please.

- Oh, you guys. - Ha-ha-ha.

Steve.

Ooh!

Allow me, my little milk shake.

No, I can handle it.

Oh, no, hands as lovely as yours should never be besmirched by grease.

Here.

Oh. No.

- Here, let me. - I've got it.

Oh, no, I insist.

Whoa! JOLENE: Aah!

Oh.

Did I do that?

Okay, you two, payday.

Yes.

You're doing a good job, Laura, keep it up.

Thanks, sir.

A bill?

That's what you owe me for broken dishes.

Well, perhaps if you popped for better china...

I should fire you, Urkel...

but I'm in a good mood, so I'm gonna cut you some slack.

Thank you. I love slack.

I'm going to the bank and make a deposit.

Take your time.

Why don't you stop off and treat yourself to a decent meal for a change?

You know, the life of a restaurateur appeals to this particular Joe.

I've mastered waitering, I'm a crackerjack cashier...

and during peak hours, a pretty darn good hostess.

Yep, I think it's time I became a chef.

- Urkel, where are you going? - To turn on the grill.

I'm gonna fry you up a Steve-o Supremo.

I don't think you should do any cooking.

Don't fret, my pet, what could go wrong?

Did I do that?

- What's happening? - Leroy's is on fire.

Laura.

Laura!

Oh, my baby. Are you okay?

I'm fine, Ma.

- Laura? - What happened?

Dad. CARL: Laura.

Oh, sweetheart, I was so worried about you.

- Are you all right? - I'm fine, Dad.

Oh, sweetheart.

Ooh!

I've been looking for you two.

Now, just how did this fire start?

It was an accident, Your Honor.

I'm not the judge, I'm the fire inspector.

I know, I was just practicing.

Here's what happened. Some grease flared up on the grill.

Still, we could've handled it, but then he threw water on it.

Oh, no, no, no. You never, ever, ever throw water on a grease fire.

Thanks, I'll know for the next time.

Leroy, how you holding up?

I've had better days.

You!

No, no, no! Calm down, Leroy! Take it easy!

You can rebuild, the place will be better than ever.

No way. No way. I'm too old to start over.

I'm gonna retire to Fort Lauderdale. Get me a nice little coop.

You don't mean that, Leroy.

Yeah, I'm taking my insurance money, maybe even my wife.

I have flipped my last burger.

From now on, the only buns I wanna see will be on the beach.

Boy, did he ever get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Okay, does everybody have their nametags?

Steve, Carl and I know each other.

Just going by the book.

Okay, welcome, everybody. This is a completely informal meeting...

so feel free to ask any questions at anytime.

- Yes? - Why are we here?

Good question, "Carl."

And I'll answer it. Ahem.

You see, um...

when Steve burned down Leroy's, it caused a lot of problems.

Uh, the neighborhood kids lost their hangout...

Steve and Laura lost their jobs...

and poor Leroy lost his mind.

At the same time, I was looking for a job and getting absolutely nowhere.

So that's when I dug down into the old gray matter...

and yanked out an idea that reeked of sheer genius.

Yeah. You see, Steve suggested that I buy Leroy's, rebuild it...

and run it as my own business.

Whoa!

It's the answer to everyone's problems.

But, Rachel, where are you gonna get money to buy a restaurant?

Well, from the bank and my brand-new partners.

I think she means us, "Carl."

See, the bank will finance us...

if we can come up with a 20 percent down payment.

Now, I can kick in the insurance money that my husband left me...

so all I need from you two is a check in the amount of...

Whoa!

I know I can make it work. I really believe that with all my heart.

Well, Rachel, we have plenty of confidence in you...

but aren't restaurants a risky investment?

- Steve. - Good question.

I think the following visual aid will clear up any and all doubts you have.

Oh, will you just pull off the sheet?!

I give you Rachel's Place.

Thank you, Vanna.

Carl, it's beautiful.

Now, I've sought the advice of the world's best CPA...

my own uncle, Hiram Ross Urkel...

and according to H and R Urkel...

Rachel's Place should inevitably turn a profit in less than one year.

- Well, how does he know that? - Oh, it's an inverse curve.

Rising neighborhood population growth...

versus declining franchises that serve meat.

Oh.

Well, look, we'll leave you two alone to discuss the proposition.

And if you decide to invest, great.

And if you decide not to, believe me, it's okay, I understand.

Come on, Steve.

Well, honey, what do you think?

It's an interesting proposal, and I believe Rachel could handle it.

Well, it's obvious she really wants to do this.

Hmm, but I feel uncomfortable about asking you to put up so much to help my sister.

- You worked hard for that money. - No, no, no.

Now, we worked hard for that money.

Sweetheart, Rachel is family. Not just your family, but our family.

But like you said, Carl, a restaurant is a risky business.

Yeah, it's a gamble.

But I say our odds are a lot better if we bet on somebody we love.

- So you wanna do it? - Absolutely.

- Oh, Carl. - Ha-ha-ha.

I just wish we could.

- What? - Ha-ha-ha.

Well, honey, Rachel needs just a little bit more money than we have.

Oh.

You see, the thing is...

a couple of months ago, Lieutenant Murtagh...

he gave me a good tip on a sweet little stock...

so, ahem, I invested.

How much, Carl?

Five grand.

Carl.

Can't you sell the stock and get the money back?

Well, the stock has gone down a bit.

If I did, we'd only have enough money to go bowling.

One of us anyway.

Carl, we'll discuss this later...

but in the meantime, you better pray that stock goes back up.

Rachel.

Did I keep you waiting?

Rachel, uh...

we talked it over and we decided we wanna help.

Ah! Oh, yes. Oh, thank you so much.

But, but, but...

we're a few thousand short of what you need.

Oh.

I'm so sorry, Rachel.

Oh, look, guys, don't worry about it. It just wasn't meant to be.

How dare you people have an investor's meeting without me.

- Oh, Mama... - If it wasn't for Steve here...

I'd still be out back shooting hoops.

Here.

Mother Winslow, this is a blank check.

Hmm, you're pretty swift.

We need $5000.

Write in a number. Whatever you need.

You have that kind of money?

Is a frog's butt watertight?

Write it.

Oh, Mother Winslow, thank you so much.

In a few moments, we're gonna unlock that door and make history.

- Yes. - Not to mention a lot of money.

Yes. STEVE: All right.

A toast to Rachel's Place and its beautiful owner.

- Thank you. - I'm with that.

Hear, hear.

Wait, wait, one more.

Let's drink to the person who really made this possible.

- Our junior partner, Estelle Winslow. - Hear, hear.

Hear, hear.

Now, come on, everybody, let's dance. I can't wait to get down with my bad self.

Now, before we all throw down...

I wanna take the time to thank a young man...

who will always hold a special place in my heart.

We wouldn't be here today if he hadn't had the foresight to burn this place down.

- To Steve Urkel. - Hear, hear.

- All right, Steve. - Oh, thanks, everybody.

And we'll all have burgers just as soon as I fire up the grill.

Is it cute...? Fire up the grill? CARL: What? Quick! Stop him!