All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E35.Charlie.Gets.the.Party.Started.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:07,616 Now I'm sure we all have opinions 2 00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,139 on what's happened here in the last few weeks, 3 00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:10,488 so I thought we should talk about it. 4 00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:13,230 Who wants to start? Charlie? 5 00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:22,674 An important relationship has ended. 6 00:00:22,718 --> 00:00:24,285 And if we're to be honest with ourselves 7 00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:25,938 and speak from the heart, 8 00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:28,593 we'd understand that we need time to reflect, 9 00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:30,421 heal, meditate. 10 00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:33,424 Ah, dear sinless Jesus, 11 00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:35,687 shut your facial anus. 12 00:00:38,473 --> 00:00:40,170 Why is he even here? 13 00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:41,998 I have a much better idea. 14 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,219 - Me, too. Who wants to go play some ball? - I do. 15 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,096 Anyone mind if I "trailblaze" a solution? 16 00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,143 I say we have an epic party. 17 00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,406 I don't think that Charlie 18 00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:01,148 is the healthiest person to listen to right now. 19 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:03,715 When he needs a kidney-- [ chuckles ] let's not give it to him. 20 00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:07,067 Charlie, will you let him speak? 21 00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:08,764 Charlie? 22 00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:11,680 We gotta get back out there, man. 23 00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:14,639 We've been body-snatched, people. 24 00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:16,641 We've wasted the last three years of our lives 25 00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:20,602 trading our freedom for warm beer and a cold steak. 26 00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:24,127 I propose we purge the demons of responsibility 27 00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,476 and fill up this house 28 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,305 with booze, girls, and napalm. 29 00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:31,830 Yeah, a party does sound awesome. 30 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:34,006 I'm just not sure it's going to accomplish anything. 31 00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:35,573 Of course not. 32 00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:38,228 Some hedonistic bacchanal is not gonna solve our problems. 33 00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,056 It's merely avoidance. 34 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,623 Let's spend some time journaling 35 00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:43,494 and sit in quiet reflection. 36 00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:46,149 If I punch him, will it hurt me? 37 00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:50,197 Ow! 38 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,112 [ chuckles ] 39 00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:55,115 Yes, yes, it will. 40 00:01:56,507 --> 00:01:58,074 Charlie, what do you want to do? 41 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:01,338 Have the party of the gods, or... 42 00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:05,037 "Dear diary, today I discovered my first pube"? 43 00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:09,172 Well, it is a tough decision. 44 00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:12,610 I mean, on one hand there will be booze and naked women. 45 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:14,525 On the-- you know what? That's what I want to do. 46 00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:19,182 All right. I'm in. 47 00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,184 One night's not gonna wreck my whole season. 48 00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:24,056 We're not talking about one night, man. 49 00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,754 We're talking about a lifestyle. 50 00:02:25,797 --> 00:02:28,191 - Yes! I love it! - What about your patients? 51 00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:30,715 - Yeah, what about us? - You're all coming along for the ride. 52 00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:33,762 - So we're invited to your party? - Not a chance. 53 00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:35,633 [ laughs ] 54 00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,940 I'm proud of you, man. I missed you. 55 00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:45,469 Good to be back. 56 00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:47,863 Let the games begin. 57 00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:51,997 Hey, Charlie, your dreams are the best. 58 00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,174 There's an Indy car in the driveway 59 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:56,132 and a naked lady in the pantry 60 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,787 and they're both revved up and rarin' to go. 61 00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:02,921 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 62 00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:06,011 Is it Miss Reeby from seventh grade science? 63 00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,143 I think so. 64 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,537 I'll be right back. 65 00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:13,628 Hey, Charlie. Hey, Charlie. 66 00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:15,369 - Hey, Charlie. - Shut up. 67 00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:17,632 Hey, Charlie. Hey, Charlie. 68 00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:20,548 Hey, Charlie. [ chuckles ] 69 00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:22,811 - Hey, Charlie. - Hey. 70 00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:24,291 - Hey, Charlie! - Hey. 71 00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,857 Wake up! 72 00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:32,299 What are you guys doing in my bedroom? 73 00:03:32,342 --> 00:03:35,084 [ groans ] What time is it? 74 00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,607 Two o'clock. 75 00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:38,174 I'm sorry, guys. 76 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,394 He looks better than he did last week, 77 00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:44,180 but he still looks pretty insane. 78 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,269 I don't want to waste any more of your session time, 79 00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:50,099 so let's do this right here. 80 00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:52,449 - Who wants to start? - My boss wants to talk to you. 81 00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:54,321 I'm up for this huge promotion, 82 00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:57,062 but he won't consider me until he's sure 83 00:03:57,106 --> 00:03:59,108 that I'm making progress with my anger issues. 84 00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:04,069 And I think also he said something about my attitude problem, 85 00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,376 but screw him. He's a jerk. 86 00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,118 Text me his number. I'll talk to him. 87 00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:11,163 Oh, no, he wants to meet you in person 88 00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:13,165 at the store tomorrow at 9:00. 89 00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:15,951 In the morning? God, he is a jerk. 90 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:19,911 I got something. 91 00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:22,784 My wife is seeing a younger man. 92 00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,960 What is he, like, 100? 93 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,181 No. He's 65. 94 00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:31,096 And I'm trying to win her back, 95 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,969 but I can't compete with that youthful energy. 96 00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:36,580 You know, I could get you some sample tubes 97 00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:39,191 of TestosterGel from my work. 98 00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,411 It totally rips your bod. 99 00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:46,198 You'll feel like a 65-year-old in no time. 100 00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:49,245 Do you have anything that will make me feel younger? 101 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,639 It's hard to learn a second language when you're older 102 00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:53,945 and I'd really like to learn Portuguese. 103 00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:57,732 Okay, guys, I'm gonna have to wrap it up here. 104 00:04:57,775 --> 00:05:00,169 - But we just started. - To be honest, 105 00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:03,085 I really need to take some time for myself. 106 00:05:03,128 --> 00:05:05,696 You know, to reflect 107 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,917 and heal... [ chuckles ] 108 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,267 and meditate. [ exhales ] 109 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,834 [ women giggling ] 110 00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:15,140 So your new dancer names 111 00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:18,405 are Reflect, Heal, and Meditate. 112 00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:20,972 Come on, ladies, I need somebody up on the stage. 113 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,713 Whoa, whoa, whoa, these girls are with me. 114 00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:25,063 They're VIP guests at a party I'm throwing tonight. 115 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,500 In fact, you should come. 116 00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,371 I could use a big guy out front with his arms folded. 117 00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:30,373 Crystal, you're up. 118 00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,549 No, no, no. Crystal, you stay. 119 00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:35,073 Enjoy your Cristal. [ clears throat ] 120 00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:36,423 I'll cover your shift. 121 00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,863 All right, ladies, make it rain. 122 00:05:41,906 --> 00:05:43,386 Let's see those singles. 123 00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:47,042 - DJ, some Van Halen. - Sir. 124 00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:48,652 I'm gonna need you to get down. 125 00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,219 Believe me, when he starts playing "Runnin' With The Devil," 126 00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:53,178 - I'll be gettin' down. - All right, that's enough. 127 00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:55,790 [ grunting ] 128 00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:58,662 - How's it going, Charlie? - Sean? 129 00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,665 Could you give me a minute? I'm in a fight with Bill. 130 00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:05,147 Which is a shame, 'cause I thought Bill and I were gonna be friends. 131 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:08,324 Bill, I know him. It's good, all right? 132 00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,067 You must spend a lot of money here. 133 00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,112 Actually, I manage the place. 134 00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:16,158 You know, it's funny, after I broke up with Jen-- 135 00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,202 After you cheated on Jen. 136 00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:18,639 After things didn't work out 137 00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:19,988 with your ex-wife and myself-- 138 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,163 Because you cheated on her. 139 00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:23,470 Long story short, I'm doing well. 140 00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:26,429 I work with a great company that buys strip clubs. 141 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,257 We, uh, renovate 'em and sell 'em. 142 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,912 To be honest with you, I'm kind of wanting to settle down 143 00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:32,566 and maybe even buy a house. 144 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,742 Could you do me a favor and let Jen know that I'm doing better 145 00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:36,352 and that I'd really like to start dating her again? 146 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,745 Look, I like you, 147 00:06:37,788 --> 00:06:40,269 but Jen hates you, and so do I. 148 00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:44,099 So if you'll excuse me, I gotta go recruit some more girls 149 00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:45,317 for a party I'm throwing tonight. 150 00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,189 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, all right, 151 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:49,887 what if I help you out with your soiree? 152 00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,760 I'll bring free booze, more girls. 153 00:06:52,803 --> 00:06:55,806 I got that covered. What I need is fire-eaters and contortionists. 154 00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:58,983 Done. And down the line, you'll help me with Jen, right? 155 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:01,377 There's no downside to that. 156 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,031 The downside is if she finds out 157 00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:04,511 we're hanging out together, she'll kill me. 158 00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:08,253 All right, what if I bring one of these? 159 00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:11,126 What is that, a dog being shot out of a cannon? 160 00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:13,694 That is a little person dressed like a dog 161 00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,391 being shot out of a cannon. 162 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,263 Jen's on vacation. She'll never know. 163 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,789 Where is she going? 164 00:07:21,832 --> 00:07:23,617 Haven't figured that out yet. 165 00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:27,011 [ theme music playing ] 166 00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:31,233 That's very generous of you, Charlie, 167 00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:33,453 - but I don't want to go to Santa Barbara. - You have to go. 168 00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:35,237 One of my patients gave me this spa weekend 169 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,847 for my birthday and it's about to expire. 170 00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:39,981 Can we talk about this later? 171 00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,505 I got to change my Facebook information 172 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,289 and get a new email address. 173 00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:47,031 Sean's back in town and he's trying to get a hold of me. 174 00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:50,339 Sean? I hate that guy. 175 00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:54,735 I hear he's running a chain of low-rent strip clubs for losers. 176 00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:57,999 And he's got some stupid adult party business 177 00:07:58,042 --> 00:08:02,003 throwing stupid parties for stupid adults. 178 00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:03,700 Sean, Sean, Sean! 179 00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:06,529 It's like all we ever talk about anymore is Sean. 180 00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:09,532 This guy has taken over our lives. 181 00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:13,449 One of us has to get away, to Santa Barbara. It's only an hour! 182 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,800 Why do you keep pushing Santa Barbara? 183 00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:19,760 [ sighs ] Okay, Jen, you want to hear it? 184 00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:23,459 You look like crap. 185 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,200 What? 186 00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,332 Look at all this stress you're carrying around. 187 00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,030 It's affecting you. 188 00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:31,467 Here. Does this hurt? 189 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,469 Ow! 190 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,124 - You see that? - Well, you squeezed me really hard. 191 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,692 I barely touched you. 192 00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:41,390 You need to get away. Get a massage, get a facial. 193 00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:42,957 You'll feel great. 194 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,828 All right, all right! I'm going. 195 00:08:44,872 --> 00:08:48,136 Good. Just make sure that you do. 196 00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:50,791 Oh, and I mentioned you look like crap, right? 197 00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:59,364 I can't believe you used a whole tube in one day. 198 00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:02,803 Well, I did, okay? Now I need more. 199 00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,935 I told you to only use a little. 200 00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,502 Why didn't you listen to me? 201 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,417 I'm a professional. This stuff has, like, 202 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:11,420 chemicals or sperm in it or something. 203 00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:14,336 It's not sperm, it's hormones. 204 00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:16,468 And I couldn't quit using it. 205 00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,819 For the first time in 30 years, 206 00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:21,735 I feel like I've got what every woman wants. 207 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:24,128 Saggy old balls? 208 00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:25,782 Confidence, 209 00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:28,045 and that cream made 'em jump right up 210 00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:30,352 like two gophers looking for cover. 211 00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:34,965 Fine, take it. But after this, you're cut off. 212 00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:37,011 Lose my number. 213 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,842 - This is only 40. - Well, I'm a little short. 214 00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:44,105 I had to buy condoms. 215 00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:47,674 [ chuckles ] With this Hercules sauce, 216 00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:50,633 I'm afraid that I'm gonna blast right through the wife 217 00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:53,375 and hit a fertile woman. 218 00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:58,554 I'm sorry I ever touched this. 219 00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:03,515 [ dance music playing ] 220 00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:15,702 All right, we gotta do this on a regular basis. 221 00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,355 Yes. 222 00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,009 Check it out. House next door's for sale. 223 00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:22,447 You guys move in there, we build a tunnel, 224 00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:25,320 and then you guys come over here and live with me. 225 00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:26,713 What's the tunnel for? 226 00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:29,367 I don't know. Not even sure why we bought the house. 227 00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:31,631 Hey! So, huh? 228 00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:34,329 Did I come through enough for you to help me out with Jen? 229 00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:35,635 Are you kidding me? This is amazing. 230 00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,158 [ cell phone chiming ] 231 00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:43,381 Ah, crap, it's Patrick. 232 00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:45,340 Hey, Patrick. 233 00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,213 What do you want? I'm meditating. 234 00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,128 With all that noise? 235 00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:53,217 Hey, any fool can meditate in a quiet room. 236 00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:55,219 What's up? 237 00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,657 This is your reminder call about the meeting tomorrow. 238 00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,397 What meeting? 239 00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,965 The one about my job. 240 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,445 Oh, right, yeah. 241 00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:05,186 Just, uh, good luck with that 242 00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,449 and be confident, but not cocky. 243 00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:09,756 No, it's your meeting, Charlie. 244 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:13,107 I already have a job. 245 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,718 Charlie, you're supposed to meet my boss tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m. 246 00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,938 - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah. 247 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:21,855 I'm just on a really high level of enlightenment. 248 00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:24,509 Don't worry. 9:00 a.m., I got it. 249 00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:26,468 Just put it in your phone, okay? 250 00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:32,561 Okay, it's in. 9:00 a.m. I'll be there. Good night. 251 00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:37,218 Hey, Charlie. 252 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:40,482 Hey, I told this girl that I could juggle anything. 253 00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:41,657 Give me your phone. 254 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,181 Hey, Charlie! You gotta see this. 255 00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:47,054 One of the contortionists is taking a bath in your sink. 256 00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:49,709 Is she hot or is it just weird? 257 00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:52,537 It's a compelling combination of both. 258 00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:55,845 Be careful with the phone, Tiny King. 259 00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:58,326 Thank you very much. 260 00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:03,070 Okay, check this out. 261 00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:11,731 [ chuckles ] I can't juggle. 262 00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:13,515 We're still gonna do it, though, right? 263 00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:20,827 [ dance music playing ] 264 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,220 Come on, Sean, you can make it. 265 00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:25,614 I don't know, man. 266 00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,311 That's what you said last time 267 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,052 and my knee still really hurts. 268 00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:31,968 But now you know to simplify the dive. 269 00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,491 Take out the somersault. 270 00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:39,236 Oh... my... God. 271 00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:44,502 What the hell do you think you're doing? 272 00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:47,679 You were supposed to meet with my boss this morning about my promotion. 273 00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:49,551 Yeah, at 9:00. 274 00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:52,641 - It's 11:00. - That's impossible. 275 00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:55,209 I set my alarm. 276 00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:57,820 Ah, crap. Tiny King, where's my cell phone? 277 00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,604 I don't know. 278 00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,085 The last time I saw it, 279 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,913 some tall jerk threw it in the Jacuzzi. 280 00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:08,265 [ alarm blaring ] 281 00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:09,571 Oh, hey, look at that. 282 00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:11,355 Alarm's still going off. 283 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:13,488 I can't believe this. 284 00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:15,272 I have been waiting on this promotion 285 00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:16,621 and now you blew it. 286 00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:18,275 I was gonna make twice as much money 287 00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:21,539 and get to look down on at least three times as many people. 288 00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:23,803 I'm going down there right now to talk to him. 289 00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,328 You must be kidding me. 290 00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,504 What? We're hot tub buddies. 291 00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,245 Look, in our condition, 292 00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:33,290 it was not safe to go in here alone. 293 00:13:34,422 --> 00:13:35,553 Where's the key? 294 00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,468 I think that lame-o cop-stripper 295 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,427 we stole the handcuffs from still has it. 296 00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:42,125 That wasn't a stripper, that was just a real cop getting naked. 297 00:13:43,692 --> 00:13:46,347 Sergeant Phil's a great guy. 298 00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:48,566 You really screwed me here, Charlie. 299 00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:51,482 Patrick, look at my eyes. 300 00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:52,701 What do you see? 301 00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:55,138 Pinballs bouncing around 302 00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:57,140 in a machine gone haywire. 303 00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:59,055 Yes. 304 00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:01,623 A pinball machine called determination. 305 00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,668 And guess who's got the high score. 306 00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:05,018 Me. 307 00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,586 Come on, Michelle. 308 00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:11,285 I am going to get you that promotion 309 00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:14,157 if it's the last thing I do. 310 00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:16,507 All right, this might be a super long shot, 311 00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:18,205 but is anybody here a locksmith? 312 00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:25,342 - I nailed it! Yes! - [ cheering ] 313 00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,301 Thank you! 314 00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:28,998 You think Patrick's boss 315 00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:31,392 is going to be weirded out by the handcuffs? 316 00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,350 I couldn't find a hacksaw. 317 00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:37,267 I was lucky I found my pants. 318 00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,052 Here, give me this. 319 00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:40,531 He won't even notice. 320 00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:43,012 We'll stick to our story that you're my grad student 321 00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:44,971 - and you're observing, okay? - Okay. 322 00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:47,669 Hi. I'm Zac. 323 00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:49,801 Oh, that's cotton, it'll wrinkle. 324 00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:52,761 Let me hang that up. 325 00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:55,807 Okay, so why do you have a woman handcuffed to you? 326 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,420 Michelle isn't just any woman. 327 00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:01,509 She's a patient of mine. 328 00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:03,424 And she has a terrible phobia 329 00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,252 of meeting other people's bosses, 330 00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:06,993 so I created a behavioral therapy technique 331 00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:08,908 to force her to face her fears. 332 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,127 I have to say, your methods are-- 333 00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:13,216 - Innovative? - Insane. 334 00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:15,392 I'm not a mental patient. 335 00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:16,872 I'm perfectly well-adjusted. 336 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,005 I'm a stripper. 337 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:22,704 We met at a club last night and then we got handcuffed to each other at a coke party. 338 00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,358 That wasn't a coke party. 339 00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:27,013 You obviously weren't hanging out downstairs in the guest room. 340 00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:31,234 You know what? We're not here to talk about me, damn it. 341 00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:34,150 Trust me, Patrick is doing great. 342 00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:36,283 And I promise you that 343 00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:39,068 his passive-aggressive outbursts are a thing of the past. 344 00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:43,116 And you, you, Zac, 345 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:46,510 you... 346 00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:49,252 you are going to look like the Grand High Priest of Einsteins 347 00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:51,951 if you promote this very talented young man. 348 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,954 How are you a therapist? 349 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,914 You show up late reeking of booze, 350 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,220 handcuffed to a stripper, 351 00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,570 and you expect me to trust your judgment? 352 00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:06,139 I'm a victim of circumstance here. 353 00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:09,055 Charlie, I found the key. 354 00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:11,144 It's in my bikini top where you hid it. 355 00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,233 Of course it is. 356 00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:16,062 Do you mind turning around? I got to get the key. 357 00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:25,245 - Where's Michelle? - I dropped her off at her other job. 358 00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:28,291 She dresses up as a fairy princess for kids' parties. 359 00:16:28,335 --> 00:16:30,076 Awesome. Which one? 360 00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:31,860 Sleeping Beauty, which is perfect 361 00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:34,036 because she was ready to pass out. 362 00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:38,954 I'm not sure what to say to you. 363 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,565 Say the truth. Tell me what you're feeling. 364 00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,915 You got to be mad at me. I've screwed up twice now. 365 00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:46,048 You know what? I am mad. 366 00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,007 I'm mad that I can't yell at you 367 00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,226 because I got the damn promotion. 368 00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:53,621 That's impossible. I was terrible in there. 369 00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:56,015 I know. My boss thinks the fact that I've gotten better 370 00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:58,234 despite my therapist being completely insane 371 00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,410 is a testament to my character. 372 00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,586 That's fantastic. 373 00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,588 I don't know if we have a pair of swim trunks your size, 374 00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:06,503 - but if you want to-- - I'm not getting in the pool. 375 00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:09,463 Listen, you should, man, 376 00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:12,292 because this vodka will kill anything that's alive in here. 377 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,165 Okay, well, see you later. 378 00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:18,385 Enjoy the rest of your nervous breakdown. 379 00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:21,431 Thanks, buddy. 380 00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,348 You know what, Sean? 381 00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:27,568 I really never liked you. 382 00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:30,266 But this party... this party was awesome. 383 00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:32,790 - You're okay, man. - Right on. 384 00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:35,532 - Honesty time? - Please. 385 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,795 I didn't think you were really helping me out with Jen, 386 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,929 so I posted pictures of the party tonight 387 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:42,452 on Instagram to make her jealous. 388 00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,628 Why are you telling me this now? 389 00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,543 Oh, she's standing over there. 390 00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:52,549 I really don't like you again. 391 00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:55,465 - So it's true. - Hey, stranger. 392 00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:56,466 You want a beer? 393 00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,512 You son of a bitch. 394 00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:00,470 This is why you sent me to Santa Barbara. 395 00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:02,081 So you could hang out with Sean. 396 00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:03,430 No, no. When I sent you to Santa Barbara, 397 00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:05,258 I had no idea that this was going to happen. 398 00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,173 Oh, you didn't know that you were going to throw a party with Sean? 399 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,784 No, I didn't know you'd find out and this thing with you would happen. 400 00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:12,830 Jen, you just left the spa. 401 00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:15,877 You're going to ruin your nails. 402 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,835 You're pigs! I hate you both! 403 00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,098 Ah! 404 00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:24,190 You idiot! 405 00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:27,236 She showed up, Charlie. She still likes me. 406 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,543 Would you come plug this leak? I got to get some duct tape. 407 00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:32,633 Listen, man, I don't think duct tape is going to stop this. 408 00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:35,244 No, I'm going to use it to seal the tarp I'm going to wrap your dead body in. 409 00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:44,427 - Ed: Hey! - Give me a reason. 410 00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:49,476 - It's Ed. - That's almost enough. 411 00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:51,956 What are you doing in my garage? 412 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,611 I told you no more drugs, junkie. 413 00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:57,092 I came to give you your drug back. 414 00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,835 - It's the devil's medicine. It makes you crazy. - What happened? 415 00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:04,273 My wife opened the door and I didn't say anything. 416 00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:05,927 I just grabbed her and kissed her. 417 00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:08,277 Aw, that's disgusting. I got to go. 418 00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:10,497 Wait. Then I got into the bedroom 419 00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:13,413 and she told me to take off my socks. 420 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:16,590 Well, I didn't want to, so I ripped the door off the hinges. 421 00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:18,853 Next thing I know, I'm in the backyard naked 422 00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:20,507 punching a tree. 423 00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:23,466 You told me you were going to read the warnings. 424 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:24,902 It says right here, 425 00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:27,514 "This product may cause aggressive behavior." 426 00:19:27,557 --> 00:19:29,603 And you used a tube and a half in a day. 427 00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:31,996 Don't you yell at me! 428 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,695 [ sighs ] That was not me. 429 00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,479 That was the ointment talking. 430 00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:38,916 Wait, Ed. 431 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,397 Here. Some medicine for your feet 432 00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:44,574 so you can take your socks off with your wife next time. 433 00:19:44,618 --> 00:19:46,533 Thank you, Lacey. 434 00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:48,187 You're welcome. 435 00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,058 You're gross. 436 00:20:05,639 --> 00:20:06,944 Hey, buddy. 437 00:20:06,988 --> 00:20:09,512 Hey, moron. 438 00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,601 Whew. 439 00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,516 That was some party, huh? 440 00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:18,478 Too small. 441 00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:20,436 So how'd it go with Jen? 442 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,525 Having a giant hangover 443 00:20:22,569 --> 00:20:26,225 and spending four hours on the phone with an angry chick... 444 00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:29,271 doesn't get better than that. 445 00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,317 So how'd you leave it? 446 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,493 As long as you and I aren't hanging out anymore, 447 00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:35,103 she and I are cool. 448 00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:36,583 Bummer for you. 449 00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:39,150 I just bought the house next door. 450 00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:40,413 I'm sorry, what? 451 00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:42,545 Listen, man, I've got to be close by 452 00:20:42,589 --> 00:20:44,852 if I'm going to work my way back into Jen's heart. 453 00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:46,767 Do me a favor, don't tell her. 454 00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:48,464 I want it to be a surprise. 455 00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,510 You can't live next door. 456 00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:53,295 The bank says that I can. 457 00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,863 You know what we should really consider doing also? 458 00:20:55,906 --> 00:20:58,387 Building a tunnel that connects the two houses. 459 00:20:58,431 --> 00:21:01,172 Forget it. You and I are not hanging out anymore. 460 00:21:01,216 --> 00:21:02,652 All right. 461 00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,437 So what are we doing tonight? 462 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,482 I just told you, nothing. 463 00:21:06,526 --> 00:21:09,180 - Barracuda Bar? - Fine. 464 00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:12,183 But no tunnel. 34361

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