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1
00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:07,616
Now I'm sure
we all have opinions
2
00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,139
on what's happened here
in the last few weeks,
3
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:10,488
so I thought we should
talk about it.
4
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:13,230
Who wants to start?
Charlie?
5
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:22,674
An important relationship
has ended.
6
00:00:22,718 --> 00:00:24,285
And if we're to be
honest with ourselves
7
00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:25,938
and speak from the heart,
8
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:28,593
we'd understand that
we need time to reflect,
9
00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:30,421
heal, meditate.
10
00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:33,424
Ah, dear sinless Jesus,
11
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:35,687
shut your facial anus.
12
00:00:38,473 --> 00:00:40,170
Why is he even here?
13
00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:41,998
I have a much better idea.
14
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,219
- Me, too. Who wants
to go play some ball?
- I do.
15
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,096
Anyone mind if I
"trailblaze" a solution?
16
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,143
I say we have
an epic party.
17
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,406
I don't think
that Charlie
18
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:01,148
is the healthiest person
to listen to right now.
19
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:03,715
When he needs a kidney--
[ chuckles ] let's not
give it to him.
20
00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:07,067
Charlie, will you
let him speak?
21
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:08,764
Charlie?
22
00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:11,680
We gotta get back
out there, man.
23
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:14,639
We've been
body-snatched, people.
24
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:16,641
We've wasted the last
three years of our lives
25
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:20,602
trading our freedom for
warm beer and a cold steak.
26
00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:24,127
I propose we purge
the demons of responsibility
27
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,476
and fill up
this house
28
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,305
with booze, girls,
and napalm.
29
00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:31,830
Yeah, a party
does sound awesome.
30
00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:34,006
I'm just not sure it's going
to accomplish anything.
31
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:35,573
Of course not.
32
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:38,228
Some hedonistic bacchanal
is not gonna solve
our problems.
33
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,056
It's merely avoidance.
34
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,623
Let's spend some time
journaling
35
00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:43,494
and sit
in quiet reflection.
36
00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:46,149
If I punch him,
will it hurt me?
37
00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:50,197
Ow!
38
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,112
[ chuckles ]
39
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:55,115
Yes, yes, it will.
40
00:01:56,507 --> 00:01:58,074
Charlie, what
do you want to do?
41
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:01,338
Have the party of the gods,
or...
42
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:05,037
"Dear diary,
today I discovered
my first pube"?
43
00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:09,172
Well, it is
a tough decision.
44
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:12,610
I mean, on one hand
there will be booze
and naked women.
45
00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:14,525
On the-- you know what?
That's what I want to do.
46
00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:19,182
All right.
I'm in.
47
00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,184
One night's not gonna
wreck my whole season.
48
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:24,056
We're not talking about
one night, man.
49
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,754
We're talking about
a lifestyle.
50
00:02:25,797 --> 00:02:28,191
- Yes! I love it!
- What about your patients?
51
00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:30,715
- Yeah, what about us?
- You're all coming
along for the ride.
52
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:33,762
- So we're invited
to your party?
- Not a chance.
53
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:35,633
[ laughs ]
54
00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,940
I'm proud of you, man.
I missed you.
55
00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:45,469
Good to be back.
56
00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:47,863
Let the games begin.
57
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:51,997
Hey, Charlie,
your dreams are the best.
58
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,174
There's an Indy car
in the driveway
59
00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:56,132
and a naked lady
in the pantry
60
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,787
and they're both revved up
and rarin' to go.
61
00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:02,921
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
62
00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:06,011
Is it Miss Reeby
from seventh grade science?
63
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,143
I think so.
64
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,537
I'll be right back.
65
00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:13,628
Hey, Charlie.
Hey, Charlie.
66
00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:15,369
- Hey, Charlie.
- Shut up.
67
00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:17,632
Hey, Charlie.
Hey, Charlie.
68
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:20,548
Hey, Charlie.
[ chuckles ]
69
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:22,811
- Hey, Charlie.
- Hey.
70
00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:24,291
- Hey, Charlie!
- Hey.
71
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,857
Wake up!
72
00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:32,299
What are you guys doing
in my bedroom?
73
00:03:32,342 --> 00:03:35,084
[ groans ]
What time is it?
74
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,607
Two o'clock.
75
00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:38,174
I'm sorry, guys.
76
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,394
He looks better
than he did last week,
77
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:44,180
but he still looks
pretty insane.
78
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,269
I don't want to waste
any more of your
session time,
79
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:50,099
so let's do this
right here.
80
00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:52,449
- Who wants to start?
- My boss wants
to talk to you.
81
00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:54,321
I'm up for this
huge promotion,
82
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:57,062
but he won't consider me
until he's sure
83
00:03:57,106 --> 00:03:59,108
that I'm making progress
with my anger issues.
84
00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:04,069
And I think also
he said something about
my attitude problem,
85
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,376
but screw him.
He's a jerk.
86
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,118
Text me his number.
I'll talk to him.
87
00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:11,163
Oh, no, he wants to
meet you in person
88
00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:13,165
at the store
tomorrow at 9:00.
89
00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:15,951
In the morning?
God, he is a jerk.
90
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:19,911
I got something.
91
00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:22,784
My wife is seeing
a younger man.
92
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,960
What is he,
like, 100?
93
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,181
No. He's 65.
94
00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:31,096
And I'm trying
to win her back,
95
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,969
but I can't compete
with that youthful energy.
96
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:36,580
You know, I could get
you some sample tubes
97
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:39,191
of TestosterGel
from my work.
98
00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,411
It totally
rips your bod.
99
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:46,198
You'll feel like
a 65-year-old
in no time.
100
00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:49,245
Do you have anything
that will make me
feel younger?
101
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,639
It's hard to learn
a second language
when you're older
102
00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:53,945
and I'd really like
to learn Portuguese.
103
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:57,732
Okay, guys, I'm gonna
have to wrap it up here.
104
00:04:57,775 --> 00:05:00,169
- But we just started.
- To be honest,
105
00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:03,085
I really need to take
some time for myself.
106
00:05:03,128 --> 00:05:05,696
You know,
to reflect
107
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,917
and heal...
[ chuckles ]
108
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,267
and meditate.
[ exhales ]
109
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,834
[ women giggling ]
110
00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:15,140
So your new
dancer names
111
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:18,405
are Reflect, Heal,
and Meditate.
112
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:20,972
Come on, ladies,
I need somebody
up on the stage.
113
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,713
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
these girls
are with me.
114
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:25,063
They're VIP guests at
a party I'm throwing tonight.
115
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,500
In fact, you should come.
116
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,371
I could use a big guy
out front with his arms folded.
117
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:30,373
Crystal, you're up.
118
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,549
No, no, no.
Crystal, you stay.
119
00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:35,073
Enjoy your Cristal.
[ clears throat ]
120
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:36,423
I'll cover your shift.
121
00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,863
All right, ladies,
make it rain.
122
00:05:41,906 --> 00:05:43,386
Let's see those singles.
123
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:47,042
- DJ, some Van Halen.
- Sir.
124
00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:48,652
I'm gonna need you
to get down.
125
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,219
Believe me,
when he starts playing
"Runnin' With The Devil,"
126
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:53,178
- I'll be gettin' down.
- All right, that's enough.
127
00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:55,790
[ grunting ]
128
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:58,662
- How's it going, Charlie?
- Sean?
129
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,665
Could you give me a minute?
I'm in a fight with Bill.
130
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:05,147
Which is a shame,
'cause I thought Bill and I
were gonna be friends.
131
00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:08,324
Bill, I know him.
It's good, all right?
132
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,067
You must spend
a lot of money here.
133
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,112
Actually,
I manage the place.
134
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:16,158
You know, it's funny,
after I broke up with Jen--
135
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,202
After you
cheated on Jen.
136
00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:18,639
After things
didn't work out
137
00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:19,988
with your ex-wife
and myself--
138
00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,163
Because
you cheated on her.
139
00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:23,470
Long story short,
I'm doing well.
140
00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:26,429
I work with a great company
that buys strip clubs.
141
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,257
We, uh, renovate 'em
and sell 'em.
142
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,912
To be honest with you,
I'm kind of wanting
to settle down
143
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:32,566
and maybe even
buy a house.
144
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,742
Could you do me
a favor and let Jen know
that I'm doing better
145
00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:36,352
and that I'd really like
to start dating her again?
146
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,745
Look, I like you,
147
00:06:37,788 --> 00:06:40,269
but Jen hates you,
and so do I.
148
00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:44,099
So if you'll excuse me,
I gotta go recruit
some more girls
149
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:45,317
for a party
I'm throwing tonight.
150
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,189
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, all right,
151
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:49,887
what if I help you out
with your soiree?
152
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,760
I'll bring free booze,
more girls.
153
00:06:52,803 --> 00:06:55,806
I got that covered.
What I need is fire-eaters
and contortionists.
154
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:58,983
Done. And down the line,
you'll help me with Jen, right?
155
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:01,377
There's no
downside to that.
156
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,031
The downside is
if she finds out
157
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:04,511
we're hanging out together,
she'll kill me.
158
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:08,253
All right, what if
I bring one of these?
159
00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:11,126
What is that,
a dog being shot
out of a cannon?
160
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:13,694
That is a little person
dressed like a dog
161
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,391
being shot out of a cannon.
162
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,263
Jen's on vacation.
She'll never know.
163
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,789
Where is she going?
164
00:07:21,832 --> 00:07:23,617
Haven't figured
that out yet.
165
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:27,011
[ theme music playing ]
166
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:31,233
That's very generous
of you, Charlie,
167
00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:33,453
- but I don't want to
go to Santa Barbara.
- You have to go.
168
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:35,237
One of my patients
gave me this spa weekend
169
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,847
for my birthday
and it's about to expire.
170
00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:39,981
Can we talk
about this later?
171
00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,505
I got to change
my Facebook information
172
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,289
and get a new
email address.
173
00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:47,031
Sean's back in town
and he's trying to
get a hold of me.
174
00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:50,339
Sean?
I hate that guy.
175
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:54,735
I hear he's running
a chain of low-rent
strip clubs for losers.
176
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:57,999
And he's got some
stupid adult party business
177
00:07:58,042 --> 00:08:02,003
throwing stupid parties
for stupid adults.
178
00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:03,700
Sean, Sean, Sean!
179
00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:06,529
It's like all we ever
talk about anymore is Sean.
180
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:09,532
This guy has
taken over our lives.
181
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:13,449
One of us has to get away,
to Santa Barbara.
It's only an hour!
182
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,800
Why do you keep
pushing Santa Barbara?
183
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:19,760
[ sighs ]
Okay, Jen, you want
to hear it?
184
00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:23,459
You look like crap.
185
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,200
What?
186
00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,332
Look at all this stress
you're carrying around.
187
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,030
It's affecting you.
188
00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:31,467
Here.
Does this hurt?
189
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,469
Ow!
190
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,124
- You see that?
- Well, you squeezed me
really hard.
191
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,692
I barely touched you.
192
00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:41,390
You need to get away.
Get a massage, get a facial.
193
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:42,957
You'll feel great.
194
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,828
All right, all right!
I'm going.
195
00:08:44,872 --> 00:08:48,136
Good. Just make sure
that you do.
196
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:50,791
Oh, and I mentioned
you look like crap, right?
197
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:59,364
I can't believe you used
a whole tube in one day.
198
00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:02,803
Well, I did, okay?
Now I need more.
199
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,935
I told you to
only use a little.
200
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,502
Why didn't you
listen to me?
201
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,417
I'm a professional.
This stuff has, like,
202
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:11,420
chemicals or sperm
in it or something.
203
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:14,336
It's not sperm,
it's hormones.
204
00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:16,468
And I couldn't quit
using it.
205
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,819
For the first time
in 30 years,
206
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:21,735
I feel like I've got
what every woman wants.
207
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:24,128
Saggy old balls?
208
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:25,782
Confidence,
209
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:28,045
and that cream made 'em
jump right up
210
00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:30,352
like two gophers
looking for cover.
211
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:34,965
Fine, take it.
But after this,
you're cut off.
212
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:37,011
Lose my number.
213
00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,842
- This is only 40.
- Well, I'm a little short.
214
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:44,105
I had to buy condoms.
215
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:47,674
[ chuckles ]
With this Hercules sauce,
216
00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:50,633
I'm afraid that
I'm gonna blast
right through the wife
217
00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:53,375
and hit a fertile woman.
218
00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:58,554
I'm sorry
I ever touched this.
219
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:03,515
[ dance music playing ]
220
00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:15,702
All right,
we gotta do this
on a regular basis.
221
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,355
Yes.
222
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,009
Check it out.
House next door's
for sale.
223
00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:22,447
You guys move in there,
we build a tunnel,
224
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:25,320
and then you guys
come over here and
live with me.
225
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:26,713
What's the tunnel for?
226
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:29,367
I don't know.
Not even sure why
we bought the house.
227
00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:31,631
Hey! So, huh?
228
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:34,329
Did I come through enough
for you to help me
out with Jen?
229
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:35,635
Are you kidding me?
This is amazing.
230
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,158
[ cell phone chiming ]
231
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:43,381
Ah, crap,
it's Patrick.
232
00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:45,340
Hey, Patrick.
233
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,213
What do you want?
I'm meditating.
234
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,128
With all that noise?
235
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:53,217
Hey, any fool
can meditate in a quiet room.
236
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:55,219
What's up?
237
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,657
This is your reminder call
about the meeting tomorrow.
238
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,397
What meeting?
239
00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,965
The one about my job.
240
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,445
Oh, right, yeah.
241
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:05,186
Just, uh,
good luck with that
242
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,449
and be confident,
but not cocky.
243
00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:09,756
No, it's your meeting,
Charlie.
244
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:13,107
I already have a job.
245
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,718
Charlie, you're supposed
to meet my boss tomorrow
morning at 9:00 a.m.
246
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,938
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
247
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:21,855
I'm just on
a really high level
of enlightenment.
248
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:24,509
Don't worry.
9:00 a.m., I got it.
249
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:26,468
Just put it
in your phone, okay?
250
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:32,561
Okay, it's in.
9:00 a.m. I'll be there.
Good night.
251
00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:37,218
Hey, Charlie.
252
00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:40,482
Hey, I told this girl
that I could juggle anything.
253
00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:41,657
Give me your phone.
254
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,181
Hey, Charlie!
You gotta see this.
255
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:47,054
One of the contortionists
is taking a bath in your sink.
256
00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:49,709
Is she hot
or is it just weird?
257
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:52,537
It's a compelling
combination of both.
258
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:55,845
Be careful with
the phone, Tiny King.
259
00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:58,326
Thank you very much.
260
00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:03,070
Okay, check this out.
261
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:11,731
[ chuckles ]
I can't juggle.
262
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:13,515
We're still gonna
do it, though, right?
263
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:20,827
[ dance music playing ]
264
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,220
Come on, Sean,
you can make it.
265
00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:25,614
I don't know, man.
266
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,311
That's what you said
last time
267
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,052
and my knee
still really hurts.
268
00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:31,968
But now you know
to simplify the dive.
269
00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,491
Take out the somersault.
270
00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:39,236
Oh... my... God.
271
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:44,502
What the hell
do you think you're doing?
272
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:47,679
You were supposed to meet
with my boss this morning
about my promotion.
273
00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:49,551
Yeah, at 9:00.
274
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:52,641
- It's 11:00.
- That's impossible.
275
00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:55,209
I set my alarm.
276
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:57,820
Ah, crap. Tiny King,
where's my cell phone?
277
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,604
I don't know.
278
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,085
The last time I saw it,
279
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,913
some tall jerk
threw it in the Jacuzzi.
280
00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:08,265
[ alarm blaring ]
281
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:09,571
Oh, hey,
look at that.
282
00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:11,355
Alarm's still
going off.
283
00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:13,488
I can't believe this.
284
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:15,272
I have been waiting
on this promotion
285
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:16,621
and now you blew it.
286
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:18,275
I was gonna make
twice as much money
287
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:21,539
and get to look down
on at least three times
as many people.
288
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:23,803
I'm going down there
right now to talk to him.
289
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,328
You must be
kidding me.
290
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,504
What?
We're hot tub buddies.
291
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,245
Look,
in our condition,
292
00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:33,290
it was not safe
to go in here alone.
293
00:13:34,422 --> 00:13:35,553
Where's the key?
294
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,468
I think that
lame-o cop-stripper
295
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,427
we stole the handcuffs from
still has it.
296
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:42,125
That wasn't a stripper,
that was just a real cop
getting naked.
297
00:13:43,692 --> 00:13:46,347
Sergeant Phil's
a great guy.
298
00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:48,566
You really screwed me here,
Charlie.
299
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:51,482
Patrick,
look at my eyes.
300
00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:52,701
What do you see?
301
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:55,138
Pinballs bouncing around
302
00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:57,140
in a machine
gone haywire.
303
00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:59,055
Yes.
304
00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:01,623
A pinball machine
called determination.
305
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,668
And guess who's got
the high score.
306
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:05,018
Me.
307
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,586
Come on, Michelle.
308
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:11,285
I am going to
get you that promotion
309
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:14,157
if it's
the last thing I do.
310
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:16,507
All right, this might
be a super long shot,
311
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:18,205
but is anybody here
a locksmith?
312
00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:25,342
- I nailed it! Yes!
- [ cheering ]
313
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,301
Thank you!
314
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:28,998
You think Patrick's boss
315
00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:31,392
is going to be weirded out
by the handcuffs?
316
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,350
I couldn't
find a hacksaw.
317
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:37,267
I was lucky
I found my pants.
318
00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,052
Here, give me this.
319
00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:40,531
He won't even notice.
320
00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:43,012
We'll stick to our story
that you're my grad student
321
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:44,971
- and you're observing,
okay?
- Okay.
322
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:47,669
Hi. I'm Zac.
323
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:49,801
Oh, that's cotton,
it'll wrinkle.
324
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:52,761
Let me hang that up.
325
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:55,807
Okay, so why do you have
a woman handcuffed to you?
326
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,420
Michelle isn't
just any woman.
327
00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:01,509
She's a patient
of mine.
328
00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:03,424
And she has
a terrible phobia
329
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,252
of meeting
other people's bosses,
330
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:06,993
so I created
a behavioral
therapy technique
331
00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:08,908
to force her
to face her fears.
332
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,127
I have to say,
your methods are--
333
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:13,216
- Innovative?
- Insane.
334
00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:15,392
I'm not
a mental patient.
335
00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:16,872
I'm perfectly
well-adjusted.
336
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,005
I'm a stripper.
337
00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:22,704
We met at a club last night
and then we got handcuffed
to each other at a coke party.
338
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,358
That wasn't
a coke party.
339
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:27,013
You obviously weren't
hanging out downstairs
in the guest room.
340
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:31,234
You know what?
We're not here to
talk about me, damn it.
341
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:34,150
Trust me,
Patrick is doing great.
342
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:36,283
And I promise you that
343
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:39,068
his passive-aggressive
outbursts are a thing
of the past.
344
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:43,116
And you, you, Zac,
345
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:46,510
you...
346
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:49,252
you are going to look
like the Grand High Priest
of Einsteins
347
00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:51,951
if you promote this
very talented young man.
348
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,954
How are you a therapist?
349
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,914
You show up late
reeking of booze,
350
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,220
handcuffed to a stripper,
351
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,570
and you expect me
to trust your judgment?
352
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:06,139
I'm a victim
of circumstance here.
353
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:09,055
Charlie,
I found the key.
354
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:11,144
It's in my bikini top
where you hid it.
355
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,233
Of course it is.
356
00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:16,062
Do you mind turning around?
I got to get the key.
357
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:25,245
- Where's Michelle?
- I dropped her off
at her other job.
358
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:28,291
She dresses up
as a fairy princess
for kids' parties.
359
00:16:28,335 --> 00:16:30,076
Awesome.
Which one?
360
00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:31,860
Sleeping Beauty,
which is perfect
361
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:34,036
because she was ready
to pass out.
362
00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:38,954
I'm not sure
what to say to you.
363
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,565
Say the truth.
Tell me what
you're feeling.
364
00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,915
You got to be mad at me.
I've screwed up twice now.
365
00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:46,048
You know what?
I am mad.
366
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,007
I'm mad that
I can't yell at you
367
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,226
because I got
the damn promotion.
368
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:53,621
That's impossible.
I was terrible in there.
369
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:56,015
I know.
My boss thinks the fact
that I've gotten better
370
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:58,234
despite my therapist
being completely insane
371
00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,410
is a testament
to my character.
372
00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,586
That's fantastic.
373
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,588
I don't know
if we have a pair of
swim trunks your size,
374
00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:06,503
- but if you want to--
- I'm not getting in the pool.
375
00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:09,463
Listen,
you should, man,
376
00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:12,292
because this vodka will kill
anything that's alive in here.
377
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,165
Okay, well,
see you later.
378
00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:18,385
Enjoy the rest
of your nervous breakdown.
379
00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:21,431
Thanks, buddy.
380
00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,348
You know what, Sean?
381
00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:27,568
I really never
liked you.
382
00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:30,266
But this party...
this party was awesome.
383
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:32,790
- You're okay, man.
- Right on.
384
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:35,532
- Honesty time?
- Please.
385
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,795
I didn't think you
were really helping me
out with Jen,
386
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,929
so I posted pictures
of the party tonight
387
00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:42,452
on Instagram
to make her jealous.
388
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,628
Why are you
telling me this now?
389
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,543
Oh, she's standing
over there.
390
00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:52,549
I really don't
like you again.
391
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:55,465
- So it's true.
- Hey, stranger.
392
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:56,466
You want a beer?
393
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,512
You son of a bitch.
394
00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:00,470
This is why you sent me
to Santa Barbara.
395
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:02,081
So you could
hang out with Sean.
396
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:03,430
No, no.
When I sent you
to Santa Barbara,
397
00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:05,258
I had no idea that this
was going to happen.
398
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,173
Oh, you didn't know
that you were going to
throw a party with Sean?
399
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,784
No, I didn't know
you'd find out and this thing
with you would happen.
400
00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:12,830
Jen, you just
left the spa.
401
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:15,877
You're going
to ruin your nails.
402
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,835
You're pigs!
I hate you both!
403
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,098
Ah!
404
00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:24,190
You idiot!
405
00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:27,236
She showed up, Charlie.
She still likes me.
406
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,543
Would you come plug this leak?
I got to get some duct tape.
407
00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:32,633
Listen, man,
I don't think duct tape
is going to stop this.
408
00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:35,244
No, I'm going to use it
to seal the tarp I'm going
to wrap your dead body in.
409
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:44,427
- Ed: Hey!
- Give me a reason.
410
00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:49,476
- It's Ed.
- That's almost enough.
411
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:51,956
What are you doing
in my garage?
412
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,611
I told you
no more drugs, junkie.
413
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:57,092
I came to give you
your drug back.
414
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,835
- It's the devil's medicine.
It makes you crazy.
- What happened?
415
00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:04,273
My wife opened the door
and I didn't say anything.
416
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:05,927
I just grabbed her
and kissed her.
417
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:08,277
Aw, that's disgusting.
I got to go.
418
00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:10,497
Wait. Then I got
into the bedroom
419
00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:13,413
and she told me
to take off my socks.
420
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:16,590
Well, I didn't want to,
so I ripped the door
off the hinges.
421
00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:18,853
Next thing I know,
I'm in the backyard naked
422
00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:20,507
punching a tree.
423
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:23,466
You told me
you were going to
read the warnings.
424
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:24,902
It says right here,
425
00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:27,514
"This product may cause
aggressive behavior."
426
00:19:27,557 --> 00:19:29,603
And you used a tube
and a half in a day.
427
00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:31,996
Don't you yell at me!
428
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,695
[ sighs ]
That was not me.
429
00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,479
That was
the ointment talking.
430
00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:38,916
Wait, Ed.
431
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,397
Here.
Some medicine
for your feet
432
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:44,574
so you can take
your socks off with
your wife next time.
433
00:19:44,618 --> 00:19:46,533
Thank you, Lacey.
434
00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:48,187
You're welcome.
435
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,058
You're gross.
436
00:20:05,639 --> 00:20:06,944
Hey, buddy.
437
00:20:06,988 --> 00:20:09,512
Hey, moron.
438
00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,601
Whew.
439
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,516
That was some party, huh?
440
00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:18,478
Too small.
441
00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:20,436
So how'd it go with Jen?
442
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,525
Having a giant hangover
443
00:20:22,569 --> 00:20:26,225
and spending
four hours on the phone
with an angry chick...
444
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:29,271
doesn't get
better than that.
445
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,317
So how'd you leave it?
446
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,493
As long as you and I
aren't hanging out anymore,
447
00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:35,103
she and I are cool.
448
00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:36,583
Bummer for you.
449
00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:39,150
I just bought
the house next door.
450
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:40,413
I'm sorry, what?
451
00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:42,545
Listen, man,
I've got to be close by
452
00:20:42,589 --> 00:20:44,852
if I'm going to work
my way back into Jen's heart.
453
00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:46,767
Do me a favor,
don't tell her.
454
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:48,464
I want it to be
a surprise.
455
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,510
You can't live next door.
456
00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:53,295
The bank says that I can.
457
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,863
You know what
we should really
consider doing also?
458
00:20:55,906 --> 00:20:58,387
Building a tunnel that
connects the two houses.
459
00:20:58,431 --> 00:21:01,172
Forget it.
You and I are not
hanging out anymore.
460
00:21:01,216 --> 00:21:02,652
All right.
461
00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,437
So what are
we doing tonight?
462
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,482
I just told you, nothing.
463
00:21:06,526 --> 00:21:09,180
- Barracuda Bar?
- Fine.
464
00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:12,183
But no tunnel.
34361
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