All language subtitles for s1-13dtjdj en

PUDDLE:
Steve had promised me

a fancy miniature car
for Christmas

if I asked my mom
for permission.

Mom?

But it seems like
there was always

something more
important going on.

Look at the devastation this
Wilde Oil spill is creating.

PUDDLE:
For instance, this
week, it was that.

You know, it's only
a matter of time

before I hear from...
(BEEPS)

Andy.

Still think your pig friend
is so wonderful?

It's Steve's father who's
responsible for this.

Yeah? Well, then
tell Baby Pig

to tell Daddy Pig

that it's time for him
to do something about it

like appoint a certain
environmentalist

to oversee the cleanup.

I mean, someone
who's lived down here

and happens to look
great on camera.

Who? Me?
(SCOFFS)

No! Me.

I mean, you're a pretty woman,

but the camera isn't
exactly your friend.

EMMY:
It is horrible.

I know.

I mean, you can see
right up his nose.

No, I meant,

where is Steve's father
in all of this, you know?

Well, he did get
the "I'm sorry" commercial

up there pretty quick.

Hello.
I'm Steven O. Wilde,
president of Wilde Oil.

As we all know,
accidents can happen.

Oh.

But we also know
that sometimes

nature has a way of solving
these problems on her own.

(MEOWING)

Oh. Just like this kitty.

Wow.

You're doing a better
job than I was.

Right, Slick?

"Wilde Oil:
Partnering with nature

"to lick this thing together."
(MEOWS)

EMMY:
Be honest, Migo,

has Steve heard from him?

Because no one's
seen this guy.

I mean, the press
can't find him.

Well, he's very concerned
about his security.

Always incognito
to fool people.

Yeah, it's called "hiding,"
which is probably

what Steve is
doing right now,
because he knows

how upset I am about this.

MIGO: Oh, where's
he gonna hide?

Is there a reason
you're wedging yourself
in a basket?

Well, my Folding Master
doesn't like it

when you call it "wedging."

It's called "yoga-cramming."

You try to fit yourself

into as small a space
as possible.

They say the
Grand Master once

got into the
glove compartment
of a Buick LeSabre.

It's all about
compacting your chi.

Getting a look
inside yourself.
(GRUNTS)

I'm not limber enough
to do it yet,

but with the right
pair of shorts,

I can just about
glimpse my entrance.

This is what you're doing
as oil is gushing

from the bottom
of the ocean?

Yes, Father's
livid about it.

They believe that a school
of hammerhead sharks
rammed the drilly thing.

You know, they have heads
shaped like hammers.

That's what they're saying,
all the scientists.

The point is that
nature has a way

of working
these things out.

And how is that exactly?

Well, like cats...
When kitty...

Yes, it's like when
a kitty cat

laps up some spilt milk.

Yes, that's exactly right.

That's what I was thinking
with the kitty cat.

Yes, we've all seen
the commercial.

Well, sometimes it feels
like the only time

I see my father
is in commercials.

FA'AD: The last time
I saw my father,

he was holding
George Bush's hand

in a political commercial.

How about we focus
on the one or two ways

a massive oil spill
in Peru is not about
either of you two?

(SIGHS)

So yoga cram
tomorrow, friend?
Absolutely.

Whew!
Whew!

I'm loving
this yoga cram...

So you're not
gonna do anything
about the oil spill?

What am I gonna do about it?

Tell your father he
has to appoint somebody

with real credentials
to a cleanup committee
down there.

I'm not saying me, but...
You?

Me? Oh, that's
interesting.

I mean, yeah, sure,
it could be me,

but somebody.

Look, he'll just say no.
So what?

At least you'll have
stood up to your
father for a change.

Uh, excuse me.

Let's not forget
that I'm the one

who told him that
you and I were
gonna be a couple

whether he liked it or not.

When you were 15

and you were bought off
with a speedboat.

Yeah, it was the
"or not" that got me.

Emmy, I am trying
my hardest to change here.

I did charity.
I stopped drinking.

Honestly, how do
you stand up

to somebody who's not there?

How do you stand up
to an empty chair?

How do you stand up
to a phantom?

How do you storm out
of an empty room?

It's easy. You gather up
those two little round things

that little girls
do not have and
you tell your father

exactly what you think
of him and what
he has been doing.

I'm not sure if this
is thing that you
were talking about

that little girls don't have,

but is it a luxury mini car?

PUDDLE:
I realize now that this
was a bad time to ask.

It uses real gas.

Also bad timing.

Steve said I
could have one.

This is when you ask her?

You win.

I'll call my father
and tell him that
I want to talk to him.

Oh, better yet, Lunt,

I want you to call
and tell him

I want to see him
here at my house,

A-stat!
On it.

I know what
you're doing, okay?

You're gonna make it
seem like Lunt

is gonna call him
and I'm telling you,

if you don't demand
that he send up

a cleanup committee
down there, I will!

PUDDLE:
And my mother found out

it was hard to storm out
of an empty room.

Okay, you got
to bind me tighter.

Oh, I shouldn't have had
that huge lunch.

I'm sure Fa'ad
is starving himself

and I got into
that yoga box.

What do you think
of this mini luxury car?

I'm sorry.
You blew it.
Your mom said no.

At least you have
a parent who cares.

My father gave
me everything
I ever wanted,

except his respect.

Yeah, I never
knew my father.

Yeah, mine's sadder.

Well, you're getting
his respect today, Steve.

They're only
a few minutes away.

Who's this?

Your dad.
Your dad's coming.

Are you (BLEEP)
kidding me?

Why?

You told me
to contact him.

You said to tell him
you want to see him

at your house, A-stat.

It's his house,
you...

Cautionary tale for
Philip Seymour Hoffman.

He's probably furious
at that.

Maybe it's time for you
to be furious at him.

Hide me.

Steve, don't!
Please, come on!

PUDDLE:
I was sitting there.
I was sitting there.

Why did I have
that huge lunch?

Steve, he'll look in there.

To the car.

Quickly, before
he gets here.
No, Steve!

If you stand up
to him now,

Emmy will see that
you've actually changed!

I haven't changed!

Then I guess you have
no choice now.

If you want his respect,

you can't be a coward.

Is he mad?

Told him I needed
to see him.

Are you kidding me?

I need to see you too, Son.

Help me.

PUDDLE:
Steve's father
had just arrived

and he was a mess.

Mr. Wilde, so good
to see you.

You're just
saying that.

You hate me.

Everyone hates me.

And the portrait of me
that they are painting
in the press...

Well, you can always
change the portrait.

My life is in shambles.

I'm overextended.

And that idiotic
well blows up

and you know...

You know they are gonna
blame me for it.

Sure, they're gonna
go after the big
guy in the portrait.

And the environmentalists,
well, they're just up my ass.

Didn't you marry one?

Who's that?
No, Emmy?
No, no, no.

No, I mean,
I care about her
a great deal.

I was just trying to cheat
a trust fund actually.

Oh.

You know, maybe some
good can come out

of the wreckage of my life.

Now that I'm here, we...

Can finally spend some
time together.

Get our relationship
back on track.

Dig it out, you know?
Dig that sucker out.

How long you staying?

One night.
Okay.

Why don't I get
you some tea?

Would you?
Okay.

He is really having
a breakdown.

I'll get the PMS blend.

Can't believe this
is the man

you're having a hard time
standing up to.

Migo, what am I
supposed to do?

He's the one who taught me

you never kick a man
while he's down.

Or was it "always"?

It was "always."

It's now or never, Steve.

You have to do
this for Emmy.

You're right.

Your tea.

This is tea?

Yeah, it's...
Oh, did I not
make that clear?

Thought you
were getting
me a drink.

Actually,
I quit drinking, Dad.

(SNORTS)
Thanks, yeah.

I'm really trying
to clean up my life.

Yeah.

That's what
I was talking
about with Emmy.

She's kind of
turned me into
a happier person.

Happy. Oh, God,
I miss happy and fun.

I don't remember
the last time I had fun.

Well, no,
the motorcycle ride
was okay.

Uh, better that
you're not like me.

You know,
a guy who gets drunk

so he won't deal
with his real problems.

Well, speaking of that,
I think we have

a real problem,
you and me.

Hey, why don't we go
in the city and
let's just get drunk?

Yeah, that's a great idea.
Let's do that.

PUDDLE:
Unfortunately, he forgot

about his yoga-cramming date.

Where's Steve?
I'm sorry.

He's gone into town
with his father.

But I won't know anybody
in yoga-cramming class.

Aw, do you want
some PMS tea?

I suppose that did sound
rather pathetic.

Be my friend.

I'd feel awkward being
your friend.

I know my place.

But who will help me
out of my yoga singlet?

I'll go get into
my stretchy pants.

PUDDLE:
After the first full day
Steve ever spent with his dad,

they bonded over
Cocoa and Cinnamon Buns.

Cocoa, Cinnamon Buns,
why don't you look
around the house?

Let Steve have a moment
with his father.

No, no,
I will take them.

But, first, I have
to take a bigger leak

than the Wilde Oil disaster.

(LAUGHS)

Come on, ladies.

He's leaving tomorrow.

Now sober up
and talk to him.

I'm fake drunk, Migo.

Just doing it to show off
for my dad.

Actually learned it from W.

Anyway, I also told
my dad that I wanted
to talk to him at the bar.

But now I'm thinking,
since Dad's leaving,

I could just hide him
from Emmy.

Look, she doesn't
even need to know that
he was actually here.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

Honestly, these two are
worse than Slick the Cat.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

Hey! Shh! Shh!
Emmy's sleeping.
What is going on here?

Oh, I've just been
palling around

with my new buddy,
Mr. Lunch.

He took me to a night club

in the Greenwich Village
where the mens dress as womens

and sing 1940s army tunes.

Oh, what a night!

I'll go get a broom.

(CHUCKLES)

He should be
riding a broom.

Wait a second.
You're not drunk?

No, I'm just
pretending to be
to hide my revulsion

at that crumpled
diaper bag of a man.

You know, he can't even
do yoga-cramming.

Well, he'll never be able
to fit into a small basket.

Oh, he can
get in all right.

We just couldn't
get him out.

Ah! Stop helping me!

My keys are down there.

(GRUNTING)

All right, listen.
My father is leaving tomorrow,
so we can hang out then.

(SLURRING)
Oh, no! I am not
going anywhere!

This is... My house.

And where are my hookers?
Hey, hookers!

Hookers!

(LAUGHING)

All right, listen.

Take him to the East Wing
away from Emmy, all right?

Just talk to him
now while he's
practically unconscious.

FA'AD: I'll never
abandon you, Steve.

Let's always
do everything together.

Yeah, okay.

God, you really don't
like Mr. Lunt, do you?

We never found
those keys.

Choke yourself.

No, with my hand.
Father?

(GASPS)
Where am I?

It's okay. You're in the
Dick Cheney suite
of the Long Island house.

With the man-sized safe?

Yeah, of course.

Though a real man
should be able to fit
into a hotel room safe.

Look, I have some things
that I need to say to you
and they're sort of personal.

Oh, can we do it tomorrow?

No, it's actually better
that you're drunk.

No, I was pretending
to be drunk,

but only to avoid
a personal conversation
with you.

Of course.

Emmy was right.

It's just like you're
doing down in Peru.

No.

She is just trying
to protect those people

and clean it up
in the same way
that she protected me

and cleaned me up.

And you know what?
I'm grateful for that, Dad.

I am. I'm in her debt.

So I'm sorry if I came
on a little strong,

but you'll understand
that I had to.

You know what
we should do?

We should put her in charge
of the cleanup in Peru.

Fly her down first-class...

No! No, you heartless monster!

I will not let you break
Emmy and me up again

before we even
have a chance
to get going.

I won't let you interfere
with my life again!

And I'm sorry,
Cinnamon and Cocoa,

that I had to
raise my voice!

PUDDLE:
The next morning,
Steve felt great.

I did it.

I told off my father.

You did?
Well, that's fantastic.

How did you find him?
Oh, he's here.

I told Lunt to
get him out here
and Lunt did it.

Wow, I thought you
were bluffing.

You must have really
let him have it.

Oh, yeah,
I almost fired him.

I meant your dad.

Yeah, well, I mean,
that's the point.

He wanted to try
to separate us again.

No!
Yeah.

He wanted to send you away.

Except this time it wasn't
a speedboat he offered.

It was a first-class trip.

I said,
"Not this time, you..."

Well, actually,
I called him a
heartless monster.

Wow, that's a little...
Sexy?

Yeah.
Really?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Steve Sr. is outside

loading the cars.

He wants to see you.

Is he mad?

Hey, don't lose
that sexy, okay?

We're not afraid
of this guy anymore.

Not you. You.

Me?

It's okay.
It's all sexy on you.

Oh, thanks.

But... Just go.

PUDDLE:
And so my mom talked
to Steve's dad

and she found out
that he wasn't
getting rid of her.

Are you...
Are you (BLEEP)
kidding me?

PUDDLE:
But of course my mom
has her principles.

Yes!

(LAUGHING)

PUDDLE:
I guess he's just a really
hard guy to tell off.

Steve had just found out

that my mother
had accepted a job
from his father.

You what?

Well, you didn't tell me
that your father

offered to put me in charge
of a whole cleanup committee.

I mean, that's the exact
kind of foundation

I said he needed to start.

It's what I wanted.

Yeah, well,
I wanted a speedboat.

This is nothing
like a speedboat.

This is about humanity.

I mean,
he's even getting me

my own deepwater
oil skimming boat,

which, yes, is sort of
like a speedboat,

but, Steve,
I think he's
ready to change.

Yeah, well, you might want
to get proof of that.

I'm going to,
as is the world.

We're gonna
go down there.

We're gonna clean up
those beaches.

He's gonna
put me on TV.

I'm gonna
be the spokesperson.

I'm gonna be bigger
than Spit the Cat!
(SIGHS HAPPILY)

Great.

I've finally grown...

And you've become shallow.

(PIANO PLAYING
UPBEAT DEMO SONG)

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS)

PUDDLE:
Over the next few days,

my mom and Steve's dad
started working

on getting the
beaches cleaned up.

Well, they worked
on a commercial about

getting the beaches
cleaned up.

We did it!

PUDDLE:
They made a comic strip.

There you go.

PUDDLE:
Although they didn't
want any real help.

Get out!

PUDDLE:
They got to play with toys.

Beep.

PUDDLE: Although,
as Steve pointed out,

getting toys from
his dad wasn't supposed
to be the point.

And then they finally
brought in a crew,

but not a crew to clean up
the beach in Peru.

It was a crew to make
the beach in Long Island
look like Peru.

And they got to use
chocolate instead of oil.

And Steve soon
went back to that old
abandoned feeling.

Oh, hi, Steve.

It's crazy.

I finally stand up
to my father

and everyone abandons
me for the guy.

I mean, Emmy's with him
all the time.

Lunt's down at the beach
trying to get into
her commercial.

Can't find Migo anywhere.

Oh, don't worry.

I got this for
the both of us.

Oh, Fa'ad.

Of course you
won't abandon me.

Although you can't expect
us both to fit into that.

FA'AD: Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not a tandem.

I was referring
to me and Migo.

We're going on a picnic.

Your father said we could
come to the beach

to watch them film
the commercial.

Come on, Steve.

Everything's covered
in chocolate.

At least you understand
what it's like to be ignored.

Because of my dad,
your mom hasn't had time
for either of us.

I know.

I was gonna tell off
your dad, too.

Good for you.

But this morning,
I found this next
to my bed.

I think he got me
a tiny Cadillac!

(COMPUTER CHIMES)

PUDDLE:
But when the computer rang,

Steve found
an unlikely ally.

Well, if it isn't
the Earth Ruiner.

Oh, give me a break, Andy.

At least my dad's
got Emmy working
with him on the cleanup.

Cleanup?
I'm down here all alone
trying to help these people.

I mean, the oil has ruined
everything down here.

Look at this bird.
Look at it.

Ruined!
Is that a stuffed bird?

Yeah, the real ones are
too slippery to catch.

But it's not just
stuffed animals that
have been ruined.

It's the food supply.
I mean, look.

Look at this sandwich.
I dropped it on the beach.
Ruined!

But my dad told Emmy

that he's got crews
working down there.

Oh, yeah, well, tell that
to this romance novelist

who decided to take
a dip. Ruined!

Yeah, of course.
He's just using Emmy.

Taking advantage
of her good name.

I've got to get down
to that beach.

You know, it's funny
we're actually
getting along...

PUDDLE:
Unfortunately, Steve
soon discovered

that all the vehicles
were gone.

Well, almost all.

I need this.
Um, Steve,

I don't think you'll
be able to wedge
yourself in here.

The word is "cram"
And I'm an expert at it.

Get out.

(ENGINE STRAINING)

PUDDLE:
But it was almost too late.

Did he walk you through it?
Yeah, right through it,
actually.

It's harder to get
the chocolate off
than the oil.

I still... I feel like
we should be in Peru.

Oh, no, no, honey.

They're really
working down there.

I mean, we can't stop them,
what, for a photo shoot.

Now listen to me.

We've got to go out there
and we got to show them

this is a grave
and urgent tragedy,
all right?

So big smile.
It's fun.

Don't worry about
the chocolate.

The world is full of candy.

Ready to shoot!

(HORN HONKING)

(HORNS HONKING)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(EMMY'S VOICE ECHOING)
Everybody makes mistakes.

Hi, I'm Emmy Kadubic,

Chairwoman of the Wilde Oil
Cleanup Foundation.

I know many of us have been
affected by the spill.

And whether its cause
was a school of sharks

or some other unforeseen
natural cause,

everybody makes mistakes,

but now is not the time
for finger-pointing.

(HONKING HORN)
Stop! Stop all this!

Um, uh, keep going!
STEVE: Stop it!
Stop it!

Cut it! Cut the tape! Cut!

Keep going!

STEVE: Stop it! It's a lie!

This whole thing,
it's all a lie!

What are you doing?

What are you doing, Dad?

You're pretending
that you've changed.

You wanted to dig
our relationship out.

Meanwhile, you're just
painting over everything

with your chocolate-
covered lies.

Steve, Steve...

STEVE: No, that's
exactly what they are.

Yeah, hey,

and we just keep
asking for more.

Can I lick the
spoon please, Dad?

Mmm. It tastes so good.

(GAGS) Oh, God!
(SPITS)

What the hell is this?

It's oil for the
camera dollies.

Oh, you eat this?

We're losing
the light.
Steve, it's okay.

The real crews
are down there cleaning.

We just didn't want
to get in their way.
They're down there working...

I'm sorry, Emmy.
It's all a fraud.

There is no foundation.
There's no cleanup happening.

How do you know?
Andy.

I've said a lot
of unkind things
about him,

but at least he cared.

Is this true?

Just most of it.

Come on, let's go.
Uh, excuse me.

Hey, I got a lot
of money in this.

You don't just
walk away.

You do not
abandon somebody
when they're in need.

You know what, Dad?

That's actually
the one thing
that you taught me

to do really well.

Come on, Emmy.
I'm driving you home.

Very impressive.

Well, this is gonna
be a little less so.

So this is...

Yeah, hop in.

Okay.

Man, I really
told off my dad, huh?

PUDDLE:
Later that night,

we had kind of a
celebration dinner.

I haven't
thanked you enough
for stopping me

from being
that monster's
spokesperson.

Yeah, but that's
coming though, right?

Oh, I get it.
Do you want to wait for
Puddle to go to bed?

Mind if I drive?

Oh, honey, I don't
know if that's safe.

Oh, come on.
It's a huge house.

Who's she gonna hit?

Yay!

(ENGINE REVVING)

You know what?
That's the first time she's
ever kissed me good night.

Lots of firsts today.

Like you standing up
to your dad.

I guess I can thank you
for making me a better man.

Maybe it's time
you make me
a worse woman.

I guess there's nothing
left in our way.

No more obstacles.

(MINI CAR CRASHES)