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>>> OH, THE CONNERS IS LIVE IN
FRONT OF A FULLY VACCINATED
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00:00:11,793 --> 00:00:12,751
STUDIO AUDIENCE.
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00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:15,058
>> WAIT, WHAT?
4
00:00:15,710 --> 00:00:19,888
>> I THOUGHT D.J. WASN'T ALLOWED
TO COOK SINCE THE GREAT GREASE
5
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,020
FIRE OF '07.
6
00:00:21,194 --> 00:00:22,935
>> LEAVE HIM ALONE.
7
00:00:23,109 --> 00:00:25,633
I'M JUST GLAD TO SEE TWO PEOPLE
COOKING IN THIS KITCHEN AT THE
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00:00:25,807 --> 00:00:27,244
SAME TIME.
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00:00:27,418 --> 00:00:29,507
IT GIVES THE ILLUSION THAT ALL
OF OUR APPLIANCES ACTUALLY WORK.
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00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:34,860
>> YOU KNOW, I THINK DOING THAT
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00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:38,690
ALL THE TIME FINALLY BROKE THE
SEAL THAT KEEPS THE MICROWAVES
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00:00:38,864 --> 00:00:40,344
IN.
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00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,911
I WAS HEATING UP A CUP OF TEA
AND IT COOKED THE CHICKEN THAT
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00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,522
WAS SITTING ON THE COUNTER.
15
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:47,960
>> YOU KNOW, YOU CAN STILL
CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT MARRYING
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00:00:48,134 --> 00:00:50,005
INTO THIS GROUP OF MANIACS.
17
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:51,877
>> BECAUSE ONCE YOU'RE IN, YOU
CAN'T GET OUT.
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00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:52,660
I KNOW.
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00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:54,140
I TRIED.
20
00:00:54,314 --> 00:00:55,533
>> JUST STOP.
21
00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:58,362
SHAW AIN'T ASCARED OF NONE OF
YAS.
22
00:00:58,536 --> 00:01:01,800
>> SHE'S ONLY SEEN US ON OUR
BEST BEHAVIOR.
23
00:01:01,974 --> 00:01:04,368
>> THIS IS YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR?
24
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:09,503
>> HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE OF US
WASH OUR FEET IN THE KITCHEN
25
00:01:09,677 --> 00:01:11,157
SINK?
26
00:01:11,331 --> 00:01:13,986
>> HAVE YOU HEARD FROM BEN SINCE
HE SAID HE WAS THINKING ABOUT
27
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:14,595
BREAKING UP WITH YOU?
28
00:01:14,769 --> 00:01:15,683
>> NOPE.
29
00:01:15,857 --> 00:01:17,772
>> I THINK YOU'RE PLAYING IT
RIGHT.
30
00:01:17,946 --> 00:01:22,734
THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS
GIVE HIM THE SPACE HE CANNED
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00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:24,214
FOR.
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00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:25,998
>> NOTHING GOOD EVER CAME FROM A
MAN THINKING TOO LONG.
33
00:01:26,172 --> 00:01:31,656
>> I PUT DOWN A HEFTY DEPOSIT ON
AN APARTMENT TO MOVE IN WITH
34
00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:33,614
HIM.
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00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:37,052
>> THERE'S AN EMPOWERING MESSAGE
TO YOUR KIDS, I'M GETTING MY
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00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:38,967
MANS BACK.
37
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,622
>> YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU'VE
DESTROYED A RELATIONSHIP BY
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00:01:41,796 --> 00:01:43,624
BEING A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR LIKE
YOUR MOTHER.
39
00:01:43,798 --> 00:01:47,498
>> WHEN I LIE, I LIE
STRATEGICALLY.
40
00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:53,373
PATHOLOGICAL MAKES IT SOUND LIKE
I CAN'T CONTROL IT.
41
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:57,029
>> YOU WERE STILL GOING TO
HAWAII BEHIND BEN'S BACK.
42
00:01:57,203 --> 00:01:58,987
>> STOP USING THAT BEHIND ME.
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00:01:59,162 --> 00:02:02,991
>> IT'S ALWAYS HARD WHEN YOUR
MENOPAUSAL KID MOVES OUT FOR THE
44
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:06,821
FOURTH OR FIFTH TIME.
45
00:02:06,995 --> 00:02:12,218
>> MARK IS UP AND THERE'S NO
PRODUCT IN HIS HAIR.
46
00:02:12,392 --> 00:02:13,611
SOMETHING IS WRONG.
47
00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:16,962
>> I WAS UP ALL NIGHT WORKING ON
A SCHOOL PROJECT.
48
00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:21,836
>> THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR
TRYING TO PULL YOURSELF OUT OF
49
00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:23,360
GENERATIONAL POVERTY.
50
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:26,101
>> WE'RE ROOTING FOR YOU, BUT
WE'LL SAVE YOU A SPOT.
51
00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:28,756
>> MY PROJECT IS KIND OF ABOUT
THAT.
52
00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:33,108
SOME SCIENTISTS SAY THAT CHOICE
WE THINK WE'RE MAKING OF OUR OWN
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00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:35,067
FREE WILL ARE DETERMINED BY OUR
GENES.
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00:02:35,241 --> 00:02:38,810
SO I'M GOING TO CALL OUR
RELATIVES AROUND THE COUNTRY TO
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00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:40,420
SEE IF THEY ARE LIKE US.
56
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,815
>> WOULDN'T BE FASTER TO JUST
START LOOKING FOR A CURE?
57
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:46,818
>> I KNOW I WOULD BE INTERESTED
IN SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
58
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:48,907
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ASK THEM?
59
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:53,912
>> I'M GOING TO SEE IF THEY
SHARE OUR FAMILY TRAITS,
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00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:57,089
DISTRUST OF AUTHORITY, LOW
PAYING JOBS, ALCOHOLISM.
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00:02:57,263 --> 00:03:01,485
>> I HAVE ANTICIPATED THIS.
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00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:11,625
I HAVE CAREFULLY CURE RATED THE
NUMBERS OF OUR FAMILY IN THIS
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00:03:11,799 --> 00:03:14,498
DRAWER.
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00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:16,848
>> DEAD, DEAD.
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00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:22,157
HE TURNED UP IN PAKISTAN.
66
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:24,812
COUSIN KENNY, YOU'LL PROBABLY BE
RECORDED BY THE FED IT IS YOU
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00:03:24,986 --> 00:03:26,858
CALL THIS.
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00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:32,951
>> LET'S TRY ONE RIGHT NOW.
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00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:36,041
HEY, THIS IS MARK CONNER FROM
THE LANFORD CONNERS.
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00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:38,217
IS THIS ADRIAN CONNER?
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00:03:38,391 --> 00:03:39,218
>> YES, IT IS.
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00:03:39,392 --> 00:03:40,350
HOW ARE YOU?
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00:03:40,524 --> 00:03:42,134
>> HEY, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
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00:03:42,308 --> 00:03:43,788
>> I'M FROM TAMPA, FLORIDA.
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00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:45,529
>> NICE.
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00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:46,878
WELL, COOL, I'M HERE WITH MY
FAMILY RIGHT NOW.
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00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:48,967
>> HI!
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00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:51,535
>> AND I'M DOING A SURVEY ABOUT
THE CONNERS FOR COOL.
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00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,232
I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU A
QUESTION.
80
00:03:53,406 --> 00:03:59,020
I HAVE A RELATIVE WHO DRINKS
BEER ALL DAY AND HIDES IN THE
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00:03:59,194 --> 00:04:00,892
GARAGE.
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00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:03,155
DOES YOUR FAMILY EVER GET ON YOU
ABOUT ANY OF YOUR HABITS?
83
00:04:03,329 --> 00:04:06,941
>> UMM, NOT THAT PROBLEM.
84
00:04:07,115 --> 00:04:09,074
BAD HABITS, OH, YEAH.
85
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:13,470
I DO HAVE ONE BAD HABIT OF
CHEWING MY FINGERNAILS AND I GET
86
00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:15,036
PICKED ON FOR THAT.
87
00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:18,301
BUT I WATCH A LOT OF SCARY
MOVIES, SO THAT'S MY XUS.
88
00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:19,954
>> THAT'S FAIR.
89
00:04:20,128 --> 00:04:21,478
THANKS FOR BEING A CONNER.
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00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:22,130
BYE.
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00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:25,395
>> HEY, WHAT'S THIS?
92
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,006
>>> THERE YOU GO, THANKS, ROBIN.
93
00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:34,578
>> THANKS, DAN.
94
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:37,885
>> HEY, I WAS JUST OVER AT
MADAME SWEET CAKES AND TOOK A
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00:04:38,059 --> 00:04:39,322
PICTURE OF THE MOST PERFECT
WEDDING CAKE.
96
00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:40,105
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
97
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,020
>> IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
98
00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:45,589
BUT $400 IS A LOT UNLESS WE'RE
GOING TO LIVE IN IT.
99
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:47,242
>> COME ON, IT'S CHEAPER THAN
100
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:48,679
THE OTHER ONE I SHOWED YOU.
101
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:51,159
>> I KEEP TELLING YOU, IT'S NOT
WORTH IT.
102
00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:55,555
ONCE MY FAMILY DIGS INTO THAT
THING, IT'S GOING TO LOOK LIKE A
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00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,514
FROSTED SEAL AFTER A SHARK
FRENZY.
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00:04:57,688 --> 00:04:59,037
>> HEY, YOU GUYS.
105
00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:00,952
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS CAKE?
106
00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:02,388
>> WOW, $400.
107
00:05:02,562 --> 00:05:08,960
WHAT IS IT MADE OUT OF
UNDERSTAND ELON MUS INCOME
108
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:10,178
MUSK?
109
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:11,484
>> ALL RIGHT, I GUESS I'M
OUTNUMBERED.
110
00:05:11,658 --> 00:05:16,402
SEE YOU LATER.
111
00:05:16,576 --> 00:05:20,754
>> WE'RE JUST PUTTING UP SOME
BIG SCREENS FOR THE LUNCHBOX'S
112
00:05:20,928 --> 00:05:25,063
REOPENING AT A SPORTS BAR, AND
WE NEED MOUNTS.
113
00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:27,587
>> AND JACKIE NEEDED A FEW
THINGS FOR CROWD CONTROL.
114
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,763
I'M FILLING IN FOR AUNT BK.
115
00:05:29,937 --> 00:05:34,725
>> WE'RE GOING TO OPEN WITH A
BEER SPECIAL.
116
00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:36,857
BRING YOUR OWN BEARS HELMET.
117
00:05:37,031 --> 00:05:41,384
I'M GOING TO NEED AN AX HELMET
AND A TASER.
118
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:43,560
>> AISLE THREE.
119
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,213
>> HEY, IS BEN AROUND?
120
00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:48,434
>> HE'S STILL LIVING HIS BEST
LIFE IN THE LITTLE CAMPING
121
00:05:48,608 --> 00:05:49,217
SECTION IN BACK.
122
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:50,349
GOOD LUCK, HONEY.
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00:05:50,523 --> 00:05:51,916
>> THANK YOU.
124
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:57,878
I'M GOING TO TAKE A BAG OF THESE
PORK RINDS.
125
00:05:58,052 --> 00:06:02,709
>> BETTER RUN, IT'S A LOT
FURTHER THAN YOU THINK.
126
00:06:02,883 --> 00:06:13,416
>> DARLENE, IT'S THE SET
OPPOSITE.
127
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,548
>> HEY.
128
00:06:15,722 --> 00:06:15,853
>> HELLO.
129
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:18,682
HEY.
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00:06:18,856 --> 00:06:21,032
>> I BROUGHT YOU SOME PORK
RINLDS.
131
00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:22,903
>> OH, THANK YOU.
132
00:06:23,077 --> 00:06:26,472
I'VE HAD MY EYE ON THESE SINCE I
PUT THEM ON THE RACK.
133
00:06:26,646 --> 00:06:33,044
>> UH, I ALSO BROUGHT YOU THIS.
134
00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:35,350
>> WHOA.
135
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,004
$1200 DOWN ON AN APARTMENT?
136
00:06:37,178 --> 00:06:41,313
>> NO, I PUT $1200 DOWN ON US.
137
00:06:41,487 --> 00:06:45,752
I AM DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT US
LIVING TOGETHER, AND I WANT TO
138
00:06:45,926 --> 00:06:48,059
SHOW YOU THAT I'M FINALLY
PUTTING YOU BEFORE EVERYTHING
139
00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:49,800
ELSE.
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00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:50,714
>> OKAY.
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00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,455
WELL, THIS IS BIG.
142
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:57,416
I BELIEVE YOU'RE SERIOUS.
143
00:06:57,590 --> 00:06:58,852
>> AND?
144
00:06:59,026 --> 00:07:00,375
>> WELL, I WASN'T EXPECTING
THIS.
145
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:01,594
I MIGHT NEED A MINUTE.
146
00:07:01,768 --> 00:07:03,074
>> OH, YEAH, YEAH.
147
00:07:03,248 --> 00:07:05,511
I WANT YOU TO BE SURE, BECAUSE I
KNOW I AM.
148
00:07:05,685 --> 00:07:12,083
SO ABSOLUTELY, TAKE A MINUTE.
149
00:07:12,257 --> 00:07:13,084
OH, YOU DIDN'T MEAN THAT
LITERALLY.
150
00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:24,617
OKAY.
151
00:07:24,791 --> 00:07:27,446
>> HI, IS THIS LISA CONNER?
152
00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:29,274
>> YES, IT IS.
153
00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:30,971
>> HI.
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00:07:31,145 --> 00:07:33,191
THIS IS MARK CONNER FROM THE
LANFORD CONNERS.
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00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,716
MY SISTER IS GOING TO ASK YOU A
QUESTION, BUT FIRST, MY FAMILY'S
156
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,413
BROKE AND RIDDLED WITH
HEARTBREAK.
157
00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:40,067
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK IS MORE
IMPORTANT, MONEY OR LOVE AND
158
00:07:40,241 --> 00:07:42,896
WHY?
159
00:07:43,070 --> 00:07:45,551
>> MONEY.
160
00:07:45,725 --> 00:07:47,553
BECAUSE YOU CAN ALWAYS BUY LOVE.
161
00:07:47,727 --> 00:07:48,032
>> YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
162
00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:51,339
FAIR ENOUGH.
163
00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:53,298
>> SO HERE'S MY QUESTION.
164
00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:54,821
I'M A TATTOO ARTIST.
165
00:07:54,995 --> 00:07:58,172
IF I COULD GIVE YOU ANY TATTOO,
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
166
00:07:58,346 --> 00:08:00,784
>> UMM, PROBABLY A FLOWER.
167
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,873
JUST SOMETHING GENERIC AND
PRETTY.
168
00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:04,091
>> OKAY.
169
00:08:04,265 --> 00:08:05,789
>> SOMETHING I COULD LIVE WITH
MY WHOLE LIFE.
170
00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:07,138
>> OKAY, COOL.
171
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:07,704
WELL, THANKS FOR BEING A CONNER.
172
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,576
BYE.
173
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:21,631
>> EXCUSE ME.
174
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:26,157
CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE DARLENE
CONNER'S OFFICE IS.
175
00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:28,463
>> MY I ASK WHO IS CALLING?
176
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:30,727
>> JUST TELL HER BEN, THANKS.
177
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,729
>> OH, WOW, YOU'RE BEN.
178
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:34,078
OKAY.
179
00:08:34,252 --> 00:08:36,646
YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE AN UPTIGHT
BUZZKILL AT ALL.
180
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:42,826
YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A HIPSTER
WEREWOLF SORT OF GUY.
181
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,089
>> THANKS FOR YOUR OPINION, GUY,
I DIDN'T ASK.
182
00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:45,959
AND YOU ARE?
183
00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:47,831
>> JEFF.
184
00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:48,614
JEFF.
185
00:08:48,788 --> 00:08:49,789
DARLENE IS MY BOSS.
186
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,270
I DEPARTMENT MEAN ANYTHING BY
THAT.
187
00:08:52,444 --> 00:08:55,926
I AM JUST SAYING YOU LOOK LIKE A
GUY THAT WOULD WANT TO GO TO
188
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:56,970
HAWAII.
189
00:08:57,144 --> 00:08:57,623
>> DARLENE TOLD YOU ABOUT
HAWAII?
190
00:08:57,797 --> 00:08:59,190
>> SURE, YEAH, YEAH.
191
00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:02,236
WE ALL SHARE STORIES AT LUNCH.
192
00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:06,284
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
YOU WOULD ASK YOUR LADY TO USE
193
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:10,636
HER VACATION MONEY TO PAY BILLS
WHEN SHE CLEARLY NEEDS SOME
194
00:09:10,810 --> 00:09:13,552
EMOTIONAL DOWNTIME.
195
00:09:13,726 --> 00:09:15,336
IT'S A DOUCHE MOVE, DUDE.
196
00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:18,949
>> OKAY, I THINK I'VE HEARD
ENOUGH ABOUT HAWAII.
197
00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:21,821
JUST POINT ME TO DARLENE UNLESS
YOU WANT TO END UP STUFFED INTO
198
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,083
ONE OF THOSE BOXES.
199
00:09:23,257 --> 00:09:24,171
>> GUYS, STOP.
200
00:09:24,345 --> 00:09:26,043
BEN, IT'S NOT HIS FAULT.
201
00:09:26,217 --> 00:09:31,439
I ONLY INVITED HIM TO HAWAII
BECAUSE I WAS SO MAD AT YOU.
202
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:35,008
>> OKAY, THAT IS NOT AT ALL WHAT
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.
203
00:09:35,182 --> 00:09:36,706
BUT I'M GUESSING THAT THAT IS
204
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,577
WHAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE TALKING
ABOUT NOW.
205
00:09:38,751 --> 00:09:43,887
PEACE OUT.
206
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:46,324
>> YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO HAWAII
WITH ANOTHER GUY?
207
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,543
WHAT THE HELL?
208
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:51,503
YOU KNOW WHY I CAME DOWN HERE IS
BECAUSE I WANTED TO TELL YOU I
209
00:09:51,677 --> 00:09:53,070
WANTED TO MOVE IN WITH YOU.
210
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,376
I CANNOT BELIEVE I WAS READY TO
TRUST YOU AGAIN.
211
00:09:55,550 --> 00:09:57,422
>> NO, YOU CAN TRUST ME.
212
00:09:57,596 --> 00:09:58,902
IT WAS TOTALLY PLATONIC.
213
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:00,512
I COULD HAVE BEEN A GIRLFRIEND.
214
00:10:00,686 --> 00:10:06,039
>> IF IT WAS A GIRLFRIEND, YOU
WOULD HAVE TOLD ME ABOUT IT.
215
00:10:06,213 --> 00:10:07,258
PLATONIC TRIP TO HAWAII?
216
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:08,738
THE ISLAND IS A BIG BED.
217
00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:11,741
EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF
YOUR MOUTH IS A LIE!
218
00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,568
WE WILL NEVER LIVE TOGETHER.
219
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:14,831
WE'LL NEVER BE TOGETHER.
220
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:21,925
THIS IS OVER!
221
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:27,974
>> I CAN'T GET DARLENE TO STOP
CLEANING.
222
00:10:28,148 --> 00:10:31,325
I FEEL BAD BEN BROKE UP WITH HER
THIS MORNING.
223
00:10:31,499 --> 00:10:33,763
BUT TO BE HONEST, THE LIVING
ROOM IS SPOTLESS.
224
00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:36,243
>> DARLENE, YOU HAVE TO SLOW
DOWN.
225
00:10:36,417 --> 00:10:39,072
WHY DON'T YOU STOP, HAVE A GLASS
OF WINE, WE'LL TALK.
226
00:10:39,246 --> 00:10:42,119
>> NO, JUST LET ME DO THIS.
227
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:43,729
IF I STOP, I'M GOING TO CRY
AGAIN.
228
00:10:43,903 --> 00:10:46,253
>> BEN JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT
JEFF, GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO COOL
229
00:10:46,427 --> 00:10:47,385
DOWN.
230
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,126
>> NO, IT WON'T WORK, OKAY?
231
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:49,953
HE'S DONE.
232
00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:51,563
I COULD SEE IT IN HIS EYES.
233
00:10:51,737 --> 00:10:55,088
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ACCEPT THE
FACT THAT I'M GOING TO LIVE THE
234
00:10:55,262 --> 00:10:56,611
REST OF MY LIFE ALONE.
235
00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:57,656
>> YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
236
00:10:57,830 --> 00:10:58,744
>> I KNOW.
237
00:10:58,918 --> 00:11:00,050
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME.
238
00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:03,618
>> THERE'S A LOT OF MESSED UP
PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
239
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,403
>> OH, MY GOD.
240
00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:07,231
>> THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T
CHANGE.
241
00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:09,929
I DID, BUT THE CHANCES OF
LIGHTNING STRIKING TWICE IN THE
242
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,671
SAME FAMILY --
>> I'M GOING TO JUMP IN HERE.
243
00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:13,672
COME ON, JUST STOP.
244
00:11:13,846 --> 00:11:16,327
SIT DOWN.
245
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:18,546
I KNOW THIS IS DEVASTATING.
246
00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:20,940
BUT I KNOW SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO
CAN HELP YOU.
247
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,942
>> I'VE ALREADY BEEN TO A
THERAPIST.
248
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,422
>> NO, THERE'S ANOTHER WAY.
249
00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:26,554
IT'S A LITTLE LESS TRADITIONAL.
250
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,774
>> OKAY, IT'S LIFE COACH.
251
00:11:28,948 --> 00:11:30,950
I GUESS I COULD COME OUT OF
RETIREMENT.
252
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:31,559
>> NO.
253
00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,997
YOU STAY RETIRED.
254
00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:37,652
I'M TALKING ABOUT A SPIRITUAL
ADVISER.
255
00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:40,438
>> LIKE A PSYCH SNIK
>> THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
256
00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:42,353
THOSE PEOPLE ARE MAGIC.
257
00:11:42,527 --> 00:11:44,137
ONE OF THEM TOLD ME ONCE TO STOP
BEING A LIFE COACH, AND IT
258
00:11:44,311 --> 00:11:45,443
HAPPENED.
259
00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:49,577
RIGHT AFTER THE STATE TOLD ME.
260
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:52,145
>> LOOK, SHE'S NOT JUST A
PSYCHIC.
261
00:11:52,319 --> 00:11:53,756
SHE HAS GREAT INSIGHT.
262
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:57,107
SHE HELPED ME SEE THINGS ABOUT
MYSELF THAT HELPED ME MAKE
263
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:59,587
BETTER CHOICES.
264
00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:01,589
BEFORE I MET YOUR DAD, I WAS A
MESS.
265
00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:03,374
NOW I'M IN THE BEST RELATIONSHIP
OF MY LIFE.
266
00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:07,247
>> WOW!
267
00:12:07,421 --> 00:12:08,640
>> I DON'T KNOW.
268
00:12:08,814 --> 00:12:11,774
IT JUST SEEMS A LITTLE --
>> COME ON, DARLENE.
269
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:14,167
I'M NOT A WUWU PERSON.
270
00:12:14,341 --> 00:12:15,212
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?
271
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:15,908
>> ALL RIGHT.
272
00:12:16,082 --> 00:12:17,518
I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
273
00:12:17,692 --> 00:12:21,218
I CAN'T FEEL ANY WORSE --
>> OH, NO, YOU COULD FEEL WAY
274
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:22,828
WORSE.
275
00:12:23,002 --> 00:12:24,264
SOMETIMES YOU THINK THIS IS THE
BOTTOM, BUT THIS IS JUST A TRAP
276
00:12:24,438 --> 00:12:26,614
DOOR TO THE NEXT LAYER OF HELL.
277
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,268
>> JACKIE!
278
00:12:28,442 --> 00:12:35,928
>> THERE'S ROOM FOR BOTH OF US
TO HELP, LOUISE!
279
00:12:36,102 --> 00:12:38,148
>>> THANKS FOR HELPING, DARLENE.
280
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:42,108
>> WELL, WE'RE ABOUT TO BECOME
FAMILY.
281
00:12:42,282 --> 00:12:44,023
SOY WANT EVERYONE TO BE IN A
GOOD MOOD WHEN THEY COME TO OUR
282
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,938
BIG, FANCY WEDDING.
283
00:12:46,112 --> 00:12:48,636
THERE, I SAID IT.
284
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:52,162
NOW GET USED TO IT.
285
00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:54,425
>> YOU WANT A BIG WEDDING?
286
00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:55,948
HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THAT?
287
00:12:56,122 --> 00:12:57,645
WE DON'T KNOW THAT MANY PEOPLE.
288
00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,082
>> YOU DON'T, BUT I DO.
289
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:01,388
I HAVE A BIG FAMILY AND LOTS OF
FRIENDS.
290
00:13:01,562 --> 00:13:02,999
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I DON'T
LIVE WITH THEM ALL.
291
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:10,310
I'M WILLING TO PAY, DAN.
292
00:13:10,484 --> 00:13:13,444
>> TRUST ME, YOU'RE GOING TO
WISH YOU HAD THAT MONEY BACK TO
293
00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:14,314
DO OTHER THINGS.
294
00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:15,881
HERE'S A LITTLE SECRET.
295
00:13:16,055 --> 00:13:19,145
I WAS VERY HAPPY I MARRIED
ROSEANNE.
296
00:13:19,319 --> 00:13:22,670
BUT IF WE HAD SHACKED UP, I
COULD HAVE HAD A BOAT.
297
00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,585
>> I DON'T WANT A BOAT.
298
00:13:24,759 --> 00:13:28,024
BUT I WISH YOU HAD ONE SO YOU
COULD SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT.
299
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:31,462
I'M GOING BACK TO MY PLACE.
300
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:34,291
>> I WAS AT THE WEDDING.
301
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:43,735
WOULD HAVE BEEN A PRETTY CRAPPIE
BOAT.
302
00:13:43,909 --> 00:13:46,520
>> LOUISE SAID TO SAY THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR SQUEEZING ME IN.
303
00:13:46,694 --> 00:13:47,521
>> OH, SURE.
304
00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:49,654
JUST FINISHING UP MY DINNER.
305
00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:52,004
>> YEAH, YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE I
THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE.
306
00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:58,489
NO BEADED CURTAINS, NO CRYSTAL
BALL, AND YOU'RE NOT ALL SCARFY
307
00:13:58,663 --> 00:13:59,272
LIKE STEVIE NIX.
308
00:13:59,446 --> 00:14:01,579
>> SHE'S A DOUBTER.
309
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:04,669
>> MAYBE SHE GETS THAT FROM HER
MOTHER BEVERLY, BECAUSE I AM
310
00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:06,671
SENSING SHE'S A NASTY OLD
BUZZARD.
311
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:08,803
>> THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
312
00:14:08,978 --> 00:14:14,374
IT'S ONE THING TO GET THE NAME,
BUT THE RIGHT KIND OF BIRD?
313
00:14:14,548 --> 00:14:19,945
>> BEFORE YOU START ON THIS
MESS, YOU MENTIONED MY MOTHER.
314
00:14:20,119 --> 00:14:25,081
I VRHAVEN'T HEARD FROM HER IN
QUITE A WHILE.
315
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:29,563
COULD YOU CHECK THE AFTER LIFE?
316
00:14:29,737 --> 00:14:32,392
>> IT'S UNCLEAR WHETHER I SHOULD
BE PAID FOR ONE READING OR TWO.
317
00:14:32,566 --> 00:14:33,089
>> GOTCHA.
318
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:38,529
>> LET'S SEE HERE.
319
00:14:38,703 --> 00:14:39,008
MMM.
320
00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:39,617
OH, MY GOD.
321
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,184
>> WHAT?
322
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:43,926
>> I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE
THAT BEFORE.
323
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:49,105
YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY SUCH A
TOXIC CLOUD, I CAN'T SEE YOUR
324
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:50,410
FUTURE.
325
00:14:50,584 --> 00:14:51,498
>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, I DON'T
HAVE A FUTURE?
326
00:14:51,672 --> 00:14:54,240
>> WELL, NO.
327
00:14:54,414 --> 00:14:58,418
YOUR CYNICISM AND SKEPTICISM IS
SO STRONG, I CAN'T PIERCE THE
328
00:14:58,592 --> 00:15:00,203
VEIL TO GIVE YOU A READING.
329
00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:03,119
IT'S LIKE I CAN'T GET ANY LIGHT
FROM YOU.
330
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:07,645
YOU HAVE NO SPIRITUALITY.
331
00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:09,299
>> YOU ARE SPOT-ON!
332
00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,954
CAN I SPLIT A READING OVER TWO
CREDIT CARDS?
333
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:13,172
>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
334
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,174
I CAME HERE BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND
DUMPED ME.
335
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,872
WHAT DOES HAVING NO SPIRITUALITY
HAVE TO DO WITH IT?
336
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:22,442
>> IT'S LIKE HAVING BARBED WIRE
ALL AROUND YOU.
337
00:15:22,616 --> 00:15:23,313
NO ONE CAN GET CLOSE TO YOU.
338
00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:25,228
AM I COMPLETELY OFF BASE HERE?
339
00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,360
HAVE THE REST OF YOUR
RELATIONSHIPS BEEN HEALTHY?
340
00:15:27,534 --> 00:15:28,187
>> NO.
341
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,494
THEY HAVEN'T.
342
00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:31,495
ALL RIGHT.
343
00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:32,670
SO HOW DO I CHANGE IT?
344
00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:36,239
CAN YOU KASICH A SPELL OR
SOMETHING?
345
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:42,288
>> SOMEONE LOVED "HOCUS POCUS AS
A WILD, HUH?
346
00:15:42,462 --> 00:15:44,029
YOU NEED SOMETHING LARGER THAN
YOURSELF.
347
00:15:44,203 --> 00:15:45,552
>> ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT GOD?
348
00:15:45,726 --> 00:15:47,032
>> IT JUST DEPENDS.
349
00:15:47,206 --> 00:15:48,860
IT'S YOUR JOURNEY.
350
00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:51,994
I CAN'T HELP YOU WITH THAT.
351
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:54,083
>> GOD OR NO GOD, IT'S UP TO
YOU.
352
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:55,562
SCOOT OVER AND LET ME TAKE THE
REST OF THE SESSION.
353
00:15:55,736 --> 00:15:58,348
SCOOT OVER!
354
00:16:01,829 --> 00:16:02,265
>> GOOD MORNING.
355
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:03,135
HOW DID YOU SLEEP?
356
00:16:03,309 --> 00:16:06,704
>> STICK IT IN YOUR EAR!
357
00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:09,837
>> OKAY, LOOK, I'M JUST CONFUSED
WHY YOU WANT A BIG WEDDING.
358
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,013
YOU'RE LIKE ME.
359
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:12,188
YOU DON'T LIKE A LOT OF FUSS.
360
00:16:12,362 --> 00:16:14,494
YOU DON'T NEED FANCY THINGS.
361
00:16:14,668 --> 00:16:16,670
>> I KNOW IT'S A SHOCK.
362
00:16:16,844 --> 00:16:20,196
BUT A TOUGH GAL LIKE ME WOULD
WANT A CHURCH AND A DRESS AND A
363
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:23,373
BIG WEDDING CAKE, THE WHOLE
THING.
364
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:26,071
IT'S A SHOCK TO ME, TOO.
365
00:16:26,245 --> 00:16:28,726
BUT IT HIT ME LAST NIGHT.
366
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:32,164
IT'S BECAUSE MY PARENTS NEVER
HAD A REAL WEDDING.
367
00:16:32,338 --> 00:16:34,384
THEY JUST WENT DOWN TO THE
COURTHOUSE LIKE THEY WERE PAYING
368
00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:37,213
OFF A TRAFFIC TICKET.
369
00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:39,519
THAT'S HOW THEIR MARRIAGE FELT.
370
00:16:39,693 --> 00:16:41,434
>> I WISH I HAD KNOWN THAT.
371
00:16:41,608 --> 00:16:45,525
NOW I FEEL LIKE A JACKASS.
372
00:16:45,699 --> 00:16:47,136
>> YOU ARE.
373
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,441
BUT THE NAME THING IS YOU HAVE
TO HEAR ME WHEN I TELL YOU WHAT
374
00:16:48,615 --> 00:16:51,444
I WANT.
375
00:16:51,618 --> 00:16:54,665
YOU HAD 47 YEARS OF MARRIAGE
WITH ROSEANNE.
376
00:16:54,839 --> 00:16:57,059
TO LEARN, TO READ EACH OTHER'S
MINDS.
377
00:16:57,233 --> 00:17:02,499
WHEN WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 47
YEARS, YOU CAN DO THE SAME WITH
378
00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:03,630
ME.
379
00:17:03,804 --> 00:17:05,719
FROM THAT ERN ON THE
MANTLEPIECE.
380
00:17:05,893 --> 00:17:12,248
>> I THINK YOU MEAN FOLGERS CAN,
BUT I GET WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
381
00:17:18,819 --> 00:17:21,344
>> WHAT YOU WATCHING?
382
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:25,435
>> OH, IT'S A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT
EINSTEIN AND RELIGION.
383
00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:29,917
I'M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND HOW A
LOGICAL, EDUCATED PERSON CAN GET
384
00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:32,442
TO A PLACE WHERE THEY BELIEVE IN
GOD.
385
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:38,535
>> WAIT, IS MY LITTLE ATHEIST
LOSING FAITH IN HER LACK OF
386
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:39,188
FAITH?
387
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:42,930
>> I AM COMPLETELY LOST.
388
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:47,848
THE PSYCHIC SAID THAT I NEED
SPIRITUALITY IN MY LIFE IF I'M
389
00:17:48,022 --> 00:17:50,112
EVER GOING TO CHANGE.
390
00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:52,375
DO YOU THINK THERE'S A GOD?
391
00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:55,378
>> I THINK HE'S ON A BREAK RIGHT
NOW.
392
00:17:55,552 --> 00:18:03,386
BUT HE OCCASIONALLY RETURNS A
CALL.
393
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,518
DID YOU GO BACK TO THE PSYCHIC?
394
00:18:05,692 --> 00:18:06,040
>> YEAH.
395
00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:07,129
>> WHAT'S WRONG?
396
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,261
>> BAD NEWS.
397
00:18:09,435 --> 00:18:10,697
IT'S MY MOM.
398
00:18:10,871 --> 00:18:12,003
STILL NOT DEAD.
399
00:18:12,177 --> 00:18:17,574
>> SURPRISED TO SEE ME, RIGHT?
400
00:18:31,805 --> 00:18:34,068
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.
401
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:37,724
I KNOW I SAID YOU DON'T EXIST,
BUT I AM GOING TO TRY TO BELIEVE
402
00:18:37,898 --> 00:18:40,901
IN YOU.
403
00:18:41,075 --> 00:18:46,168
I ONCE ASKED MY MOM IF THERE WAS
A GOD AND SHE SAID, WELL, IF
404
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:49,954
THERE'S NOT, WE'RE SCREWED.
405
00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:52,565
SO I HOPE I'M NOT SCREWED.
406
00:18:52,739 --> 00:18:54,176
HEY, THANKS FOR MARK.
407
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:57,788
AND BY THE WAY, MAYBE SOME DAY
YOU'LL EXPLAIN WHY YOU GAVE ME
408
00:18:57,962 --> 00:19:01,095
HARRIS.
409
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:05,274
NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP, I
PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO KEEP.
410
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:10,453
AND IF I DIE BEFORE I WAKE,
WELL, I'LL KNOW YOU'RE STILL
411
00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:10,801
PISSED.
412
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:17,199
AMEN.
413
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:34,128
>>> HI, IS THIS KERRY CONNER?
414
00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:34,999
>> YEAH, IT IS.
415
00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:36,696
>> HI.
416
00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:39,525
THIS IS MARK CONNER FROM THE
LANFORD CONNERS.
417
00:19:39,699 --> 00:19:42,615
I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU --
DOES YOUR FAMILY EVER GET ON YOU
418
00:19:42,789 --> 00:19:45,009
ABOUT ANY BAD HABITS THAT YOU
HAVE?
419
00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:46,924
>> UMM, LOTS.
420
00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:48,317
>> OH, OKAY.
421
00:19:48,491 --> 00:19:48,708
THANKS FOR BEING A CONNER.
422
00:19:48,882 --> 00:19:54,888
BYE.
423
00:19:55,062 --> 00:19:58,283
>> HEY, HOW IS THE SEARCH FOR
THE CONNER GENE GOING?
424
00:19:58,457 --> 00:20:00,807
>> HALF THE CONNERS ARE BROKE
AND DRINK LIKE FISH.
425
00:20:00,981 --> 00:20:02,113
BUT THEY'RE GREAT PEOPLE.
426
00:20:02,287 --> 00:20:04,333
I HOPE WE GET TO MEET THEM IN
PERSON SOME DAY.
427
00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:07,205
>> I WENT TO A COUSIN'S PICNIC
ONCE.
428
00:20:07,379 --> 00:20:08,728
THEY STOLE MY SHOES.
429
00:20:08,902 --> 00:20:11,383
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE REUNION.
430
00:20:11,557 --> 00:20:12,689
SO WHAT IS YOUR CONCLUSION?
431
00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:14,299
>> IT'S A MIXED BAG.
432
00:20:14,473 --> 00:20:15,996
SOME OF THE CONNERS ARE DOING
REALLY WELL.
433
00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:17,389
SO WHO KNOWS?
434
00:20:17,563 --> 00:20:19,522
>> YOU KNOW, I THINK IT IS UP TO
YOU.
435
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:22,742
I THINK YOUR GENES SET YOU OFF
IN A DIRECTION, BUT YOU CAN
436
00:20:22,916 --> 00:20:24,353
CHANGE THAT DIRECTION.
437
00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:27,094
LIKE FOR EXAMPLE, WE DON'T
CHANGE THE SHEETS A LOT IN THIS
438
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:29,271
HOUSE, BUT WE COULD.
439
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:31,185
>> YEAH.
440
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,536
AND IF NOTHING ELSE, NOW I KNOW
MY GENES MIGHT BE TRYING TO
441
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:36,016
DESTROY ME, SO FAILURE CAN'T
SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE IT DID YOU
442
00:20:36,190 --> 00:20:37,148
GUYS?
443
00:20:37,322 --> 00:20:38,802
>> IT DIDN'T SNEAK UP ON US.
444
00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:45,678
IT RANG THE DOORBELL AND SAID
HI, WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.
32032
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