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1
00:00:02,308 --> 00:00:04,148
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.
2
00:00:04,148 --> 00:00:07,028
I need a gun. Why? I'm worried he's
going to find me and get
me. Neil? Yes!
3
00:00:07,028 --> 00:00:08,868
Maybe it's a good idea
if I find my dad?
4
00:00:08,868 --> 00:00:10,268
My mother. She's moving in here.
5
00:00:10,268 --> 00:00:12,228
Ricky! Mum!
6
00:00:12,228 --> 00:00:16,348
Come here tomorrow at 2:30
and let's talk face-to-face.
7
00:00:16,348 --> 00:00:17,508
Karen's collapsed!
8
00:00:17,508 --> 00:00:20,148
It's OK, it's OK, it's just
nervous exhaustion.
9
00:00:20,148 --> 00:00:22,308
Oh, yeah. You're going to be 15,
soon, Ricky.
10
00:00:22,308 --> 00:00:23,708
16! 16. 16.
11
00:00:23,708 --> 00:00:25,028
Why don't you have a party?
12
00:00:27,788 --> 00:00:30,908
This is your night, man. I'm going
to lose my shit tonight. You're not.
13
00:00:30,908 --> 00:00:33,828
Hey, hey. You're not.
14
00:00:33,828 --> 00:00:35,228
Cheers.
15
00:00:35,228 --> 00:00:38,068
Stop! Stop!
16
00:00:38,068 --> 00:00:40,068
OK. Do it again.
17
00:00:40,068 --> 00:00:41,788
THEY SCREAM
18
00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:45,788
I just love your voice.
19
00:00:45,788 --> 00:00:47,708
What are you doing? Yeah, I'm
reading.
20
00:00:47,708 --> 00:00:51,588
What are you reading? I'm reading an
article in an online journal.
21
00:00:51,588 --> 00:00:53,428
Read it out to me.
22
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,188
Why are you being so weird?
23
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:58,748
What do you reckon would happen
if you snorted chocolate?
24
00:00:58,748 --> 00:01:01,788
What are you doing?
25
00:01:01,788 --> 00:01:05,028
What should I do?
Wait for it to melt or something?
26
00:01:08,028 --> 00:01:10,028
I'm sorry...
27
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:12,268
I love you. I miss you.
28
00:01:12,268 --> 00:01:14,428
Listen, we shouldn't be here.
29
00:01:14,428 --> 00:01:16,548
Go and have fun at your party. I
love you.
30
00:01:16,548 --> 00:01:17,908
OK, I love you, too.
31
00:01:17,908 --> 00:01:19,388
Goodbye.
32
00:01:19,388 --> 00:01:22,708
It's a dick holding another dick...
33
00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:24,668
..who's holding a spliff.
34
00:01:33,068 --> 00:01:38,628
MUSIC: Superstylin'
by Groove Armada
35
00:01:49,148 --> 00:01:52,908
Come on, you fuckers, dance!
36
00:02:17,028 --> 00:02:21,548
RINGING TONE
37
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:37,428
Hello.
38
00:02:37,428 --> 00:02:38,988
Hello, Richard.
39
00:02:38,988 --> 00:02:42,188
A lacuna has emerged
in my online schedule.
40
00:02:42,188 --> 00:02:46,348
I thought we could just smuggle
in a supervision session.
41
00:02:46,348 --> 00:02:48,708
I am...
42
00:02:48,708 --> 00:02:50,748
You're not making any sense at all,
Richard.
43
00:02:50,748 --> 00:02:52,068
No, I'm sorry.
44
00:02:52,068 --> 00:02:53,468
Have you had a party?
45
00:02:53,468 --> 00:02:55,988
No, yes. Yes. No.
46
00:02:55,988 --> 00:02:59,108
Well, I haven't, but my son
had a party, so I need to deal
47
00:02:59,108 --> 00:03:00,348
with this first.
48
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:03,188
Can I call you back
in...a couple of days?
49
00:03:03,188 --> 00:03:06,428
There are some professional, ethical
issues that we do need to discuss.
50
00:03:06,428 --> 00:03:07,468
Yeah.
51
00:03:07,468 --> 00:03:10,148
Are you an alcoholic? No.
52
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,228
Denial...
53
00:03:12,228 --> 00:03:14,948
Have you taken any mind
altering substances?
54
00:03:14,948 --> 00:03:18,908
Paracetamol. How many? 11.
55
00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:22,068
I mean, I do want to talk
to you, just not today.
56
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:24,828
The thing is, Richard, part
of the point of this clinical
57
00:03:24,828 --> 00:03:28,228
supervision is that I'm supposed
to see the warts and all.
58
00:03:28,228 --> 00:03:31,388
Yeah. So, whatever you're going
through right now...
59
00:03:31,388 --> 00:03:33,628
Yeah. I advise you to tell me about
it.
60
00:03:33,628 --> 00:03:36,188
I'm going through...nausea.
61
00:03:37,548 --> 00:03:40,668
Anxiety. Yeah.
62
00:03:40,668 --> 00:03:42,268
I could do with a poo.
63
00:03:42,268 --> 00:03:45,468
Do you want to go away and do that?
Or? Can I? Yeah.
64
00:03:45,468 --> 00:03:47,308
OK. Thank you, Miss.
65
00:03:50,828 --> 00:03:52,868
Richard. Yeah?
How are you doing?
66
00:03:52,868 --> 00:03:55,268
You all right, you good? Did you?
Have you?
67
00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,588
What's going on? Did you mortgage
the house?
68
00:03:58,588 --> 00:04:01,788
Look, I've got something else
I need to talk to you about. No, no,
no.
69
00:04:01,788 --> 00:04:03,828
Look, this is really important, man.
70
00:04:03,828 --> 00:04:05,748
I think we should invest in Bitcoin.
71
00:04:07,268 --> 00:04:08,788
What?! Bitcoin, let's do it.
72
00:04:08,788 --> 00:04:10,828
What the fuck is big coin? Bit! Bit!
73
00:04:10,828 --> 00:04:13,428
I don't want a bit of a coin,
I want my fucking house remortgaged.
74
00:04:13,428 --> 00:04:16,108
You're going to need it, trust me.
I don't have any money, Ryan.
75
00:04:16,108 --> 00:04:17,628
I don't have any money.
76
00:04:17,628 --> 00:04:19,228
I have nada money.
77
00:04:19,228 --> 00:04:21,308
You're the only person
who can get me out of this.
78
00:04:21,308 --> 00:04:23,268
I don't want that pressure, man.
I can't.
79
00:04:23,268 --> 00:04:25,348
Well, you've fucking got
that pressure, Ryan.
80
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:28,188
You've got that fucking pressure. I
think you should take it somewhere
else.
81
00:04:28,188 --> 00:04:29,508
Have you remortgaged the house?
82
00:04:29,508 --> 00:04:31,628
You should take this somewhere else,
I can't do this for you.
83
00:04:31,628 --> 00:04:33,828
Answer me. I can't. Answer me!
No, I haven't.
84
00:04:37,908 --> 00:04:40,308
You're fucking kidding me, Ryan?
85
00:04:40,308 --> 00:04:42,148
You are fucking kidding me? Argh!
86
00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:44,228
I need that money. I can't...
87
00:04:44,228 --> 00:04:45,348
He's going to...
88
00:04:46,948 --> 00:04:48,308
Oh, God.
89
00:04:49,308 --> 00:04:51,668
I don't know what
to do, Ryan.
90
00:04:55,268 --> 00:04:58,868
He's going to kill me.
91
00:04:58,868 --> 00:05:00,828
Who's going to kill you?
92
00:05:00,828 --> 00:05:02,748
Hello. Karen Muller, or Karen Pitt.
93
00:05:02,748 --> 00:05:04,268
Pitt? Pitt.
94
00:05:04,268 --> 00:05:06,028
Katharine Pitt?
95
00:05:06,028 --> 00:05:08,228
Yes, it looks like
she was discharged.
96
00:05:08,228 --> 00:05:10,148
Discharged, when? This morning.
97
00:05:10,148 --> 00:05:13,108
RINGING TONE
OK, bye.
98
00:05:16,268 --> 00:05:18,028
Hello?
99
00:05:18,028 --> 00:05:20,668
Oh, hello, how about you, big man?
Are you good?
100
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:24,148
Sorry? I said, how about you, big
man, you good? Bitumen? Bitumen?
101
00:05:24,148 --> 00:05:26,588
What? Who? Pardon?
102
00:05:26,588 --> 00:05:28,348
Is this Sam Travis?
103
00:05:28,348 --> 00:05:29,908
You well, big man, yeah?
104
00:05:29,908 --> 00:05:30,948
Yeah, I'm fine.
105
00:05:30,948 --> 00:05:33,308
I want you to help me
with a problem.
106
00:05:33,308 --> 00:05:37,228
Yeah. You see, I've got a problem
with my voice, with my speech.
107
00:05:37,228 --> 00:05:38,388
With your voice, yes.
108
00:05:38,388 --> 00:05:40,748
I was riding my bike, and a taxi
door opened, and I got a bang
109
00:05:40,748 --> 00:05:42,828
on the head. You got a bang on the
head?
110
00:05:42,828 --> 00:05:44,388
Went in a coma.
111
00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,828
When I come out of the coma,
I talk like this.
112
00:05:46,828 --> 00:05:48,708
How did you talk before
you went into the coma?
113
00:05:48,708 --> 00:05:50,508
Different, yeah? You ken?
114
00:05:50,508 --> 00:05:51,988
Was your voice higher, or lower...
115
00:05:51,988 --> 00:05:55,068
Aye, it was an octave and a half
higher. Are you being funny with me,
sunshine?
116
00:05:55,068 --> 00:05:57,828
No, I'm trying to... Are you some
kind of singing coach or something?
117
00:05:57,828 --> 00:05:59,308
What do you want to know that for?
118
00:05:59,308 --> 00:06:03,028
Well, you said you speak differently
now. I'm just trying to work out
how you spoke before!
119
00:06:03,028 --> 00:06:04,708
My name is Sam Travis. Right.
120
00:06:04,708 --> 00:06:07,628
And I'm no' from Scotland,
I'm from Sevenoaks in Kent.
121
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:08,868
You're from Sevenoaks?
122
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,828
I've got foreign accent syndrome.
123
00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:13,308
Right. I mean, it's a charming
accent.
124
00:06:13,308 --> 00:06:15,548
Are you taking the pish? What?
Are you taking the pish?
125
00:06:15,548 --> 00:06:16,668
No, I'm not taking the pish.
126
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,748
I'm no' Scottish. I dinnae want to
sound Scottish.
127
00:06:18,748 --> 00:06:20,188
I dinnae want to be Scottish.
128
00:06:20,188 --> 00:06:22,428
It's a beautiful country,
the Highlands are stunning.
129
00:06:22,428 --> 00:06:23,788
Inverness, to the Highlands.
130
00:06:23,788 --> 00:06:25,948
I was watching Homes
Under The Hammer one time... Right.
131
00:06:25,948 --> 00:06:27,708
..a man bought a house in
Inverness for £1.
132
00:06:27,708 --> 00:06:30,148
Yeah. How's that make the
rest of us feel south of the border?
133
00:06:30,148 --> 00:06:31,268
Right. Like, stupid.
134
00:06:32,588 --> 00:06:33,708
How long's it been?
135
00:06:33,708 --> 00:06:38,348
Well, I was in a coma for three
months, and it's been another four.
136
00:06:38,348 --> 00:06:39,348
Can you help me?
137
00:06:39,348 --> 00:06:40,828
BUZZER
138
00:06:42,508 --> 00:06:43,748
What do you want?
139
00:06:43,748 --> 00:06:46,348
I can smell sick on your breath,
Richard. OK, fair enough, you can.
140
00:06:46,348 --> 00:06:47,748
I've been a bit sick this morning.
141
00:06:47,748 --> 00:06:49,788
You're like 44, or
something, aren't you? So?
142
00:06:49,788 --> 00:06:51,268
So, what have you come round to say?
143
00:06:51,268 --> 00:06:53,868
You've foisted Mum on me, and now
you've come round to what?
144
00:06:53,868 --> 00:06:56,028
I haven't foisted Mum on you.
You initially asked me.
145
00:06:56,028 --> 00:06:58,068
You asked me if I would
take Mum at the time.
146
00:06:58,068 --> 00:07:01,268
You couldn't, cos you didn't have a
spare room. Yeah, I didn't have a
spare room.
147
00:07:01,268 --> 00:07:02,988
Because Chrissy lives
in the spare room.
148
00:07:02,988 --> 00:07:05,588
She sometimes sleeps there, she has
to get up early for lectures.
149
00:07:05,588 --> 00:07:07,788
Where does she sleep
elsewhere, in a youth hostel?
150
00:07:07,788 --> 00:07:10,148
She sleeps with me.
151
00:07:10,148 --> 00:07:12,228
Does she? We share a bed.
152
00:07:12,228 --> 00:07:13,708
Right.
153
00:07:13,708 --> 00:07:16,348
You know, obviously those are
details that I don't necessarily
154
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:18,108
need to share with you.
155
00:07:18,108 --> 00:07:21,108
But, in this circumstance,
I need to explain.
156
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,148
It's OK for Mum to come
and live with us.
157
00:07:23,148 --> 00:07:24,668
Me and Chrissy have talked about it.
158
00:07:24,668 --> 00:07:26,948
We think that this isn't
a good environment for her...
159
00:07:26,948 --> 00:07:28,228
What? What?
160
00:07:28,228 --> 00:07:29,548
..because of your breakdown.
161
00:07:29,548 --> 00:07:32,348
What? Richard, it's almost like
you're blocking her from me.
162
00:07:32,348 --> 00:07:33,588
Why are you holding on to her?
163
00:07:33,588 --> 00:07:35,188
OK, can I just not
have my turn on her?
164
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:38,308
Your turn on her?
She's not a fucking dodgem!
165
00:07:41,188 --> 00:07:42,908
BUZZER
166
00:07:42,908 --> 00:07:44,588
Shut up and listen.
167
00:07:44,588 --> 00:07:45,748
OK, we're listening.
168
00:07:45,748 --> 00:07:48,508
I'm going to take Mum off your
hands. We're going to go to Dubai.
169
00:07:48,508 --> 00:07:50,148
What is this, rent-a-mum week?
170
00:07:50,148 --> 00:07:51,508
Dom, it's really fine.
171
00:07:51,508 --> 00:07:53,748
I don't know what Richard said
to you, it's really fine.
172
00:07:53,748 --> 00:07:55,268
Me and Mum have talked.
173
00:07:55,268 --> 00:07:59,428
She's definitely sure she wants to
be with me and Chrissy.
174
00:07:59,428 --> 00:08:00,428
Me and Chrissy.
175
00:08:00,428 --> 00:08:03,028
Chrissy and our sister are lovers.
176
00:08:03,028 --> 00:08:04,988
Why do you have to say
"lovers" like that?
177
00:08:04,988 --> 00:08:07,028
Why do you have to make out
like it's something...
178
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:10,508
OK, Chrissy and Catherine
are fucking. Is that better? We're
in a relationship.
179
00:08:10,508 --> 00:08:13,628
And how does that have any
effect on Mum's death?
180
00:08:13,628 --> 00:08:16,028
Yes, have you been... Death!
181
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:19,068
What? Three months, liver cancer.
182
00:08:19,068 --> 00:08:22,348
So, I have used a contact in Dubai
and I will be taking
183
00:08:22,348 --> 00:08:25,588
her to a beautiful hospice,
where she can spend the last days
184
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,828
of her life with a little dignity,
not fighting and I think
185
00:08:28,828 --> 00:08:32,028
she'd rather be with dark, handsome
men than a couple of lesbyterians.
186
00:08:32,028 --> 00:08:33,388
No offence.
187
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,988
Sleeping like an angel.
188
00:08:40,468 --> 00:08:42,628
Mum, safely asleep in my house.
189
00:08:42,628 --> 00:08:44,188
Aww, bless her.
190
00:08:44,188 --> 00:08:46,228
Where are you going?
191
00:08:46,228 --> 00:08:49,748
Mummy. I know you're sleeping,
but I've got to go.
192
00:08:49,748 --> 00:08:52,028
Mum?
193
00:08:53,468 --> 00:08:56,308
OK. Sorry, where's my mother?
194
00:08:56,308 --> 00:08:58,268
I don't know.
195
00:08:58,268 --> 00:09:01,228
Richard, she's not here.
196
00:09:01,228 --> 00:09:03,028
Where is she?
197
00:09:03,028 --> 00:09:05,988
Well, you're looking
after her tremendously, Richard.
198
00:09:05,988 --> 00:09:07,348
Mum! Where the fuck is she?
199
00:09:07,348 --> 00:09:08,708
Jose? Mr Pitt?
200
00:09:10,388 --> 00:09:12,668
Where is she? I don't know.
201
00:09:12,668 --> 00:09:14,708
Have you done something to her?
Of course not.
202
00:09:14,708 --> 00:09:16,828
You're supposed to be
looking after her. I am.
203
00:09:16,828 --> 00:09:19,548
I'm providing care,
I'm really looking after her.
204
00:09:19,548 --> 00:09:21,708
She said you abused her.
205
00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:25,428
No way, Jose. I don't think we
should be arguing about whether or
not Mum's dying.
206
00:09:25,428 --> 00:09:28,788
Whether it's a good thing or bad
thing. All I'm saying is Mum told me
she was dying.
207
00:09:28,788 --> 00:09:31,508
Mum told you she was dying,
but the doctor told me she wasn't,
so she isn't.
208
00:09:31,508 --> 00:09:34,148
Go look for her. I will. Look in all
the pubs. There's one on the corner,
209
00:09:34,148 --> 00:09:36,788
and one that's about 40 yards
further up. Call me.
210
00:09:36,788 --> 00:09:39,188
I will look in every pub
and I will call you, Mr Pitt.
211
00:09:39,188 --> 00:09:40,468
I will solve this problem.
212
00:09:40,468 --> 00:09:43,068
RINGING TONE
213
00:09:44,548 --> 00:09:46,828
Abs. Hey. What news?
214
00:09:46,828 --> 00:09:48,508
Karen's coming back today.
Is she OK?
215
00:09:48,508 --> 00:09:50,828
Yes, she's fine. Don't worry, I've
booked her a cab.
216
00:09:50,828 --> 00:09:52,988
So you haven't got
to worry about anything.
217
00:09:52,988 --> 00:09:55,868
Is she coming here today?
Yeah, it's all fine.
218
00:09:55,868 --> 00:09:58,228
OK. Are you all right?
219
00:09:58,228 --> 00:09:59,268
I don't know, Richard.
220
00:09:59,268 --> 00:10:00,828
You don't know? I lost my job.
221
00:10:00,828 --> 00:10:02,788
I haven't got any savings.
Haven't you?
222
00:10:02,788 --> 00:10:05,588
Fiona's been arrested for fraud,
so I think that's the end.
223
00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:06,988
Of everything, really, for me.
224
00:10:06,988 --> 00:10:09,748
OK, well, you need to come back
and just get your act together,
225
00:10:09,748 --> 00:10:11,748
and it'll be fine.
226
00:10:11,748 --> 00:10:14,668
Look, man, I'm just going to...
227
00:10:14,668 --> 00:10:16,068
I'm just going to go.
228
00:10:16,068 --> 00:10:17,268
You're going to go? OK.
229
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,228
Well, thank you for looking
after Karen for...
230
00:10:19,228 --> 00:10:21,788
No, I'm going to go away.
You're going to go away? For a long
time.
231
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,588
OK, take a break. That's a good
idea.
232
00:10:23,588 --> 00:10:26,148
I'm just going to walk, Richard...
Good, fresh air is good for you.
233
00:10:26,148 --> 00:10:28,468
..in the mountains. Oh, well, that's
even better.
234
00:10:28,468 --> 00:10:31,188
For as long as it takes. As long as
what takes?
235
00:10:31,188 --> 00:10:32,868
Abs, what does that mean?
236
00:10:32,868 --> 00:10:34,988
Where are you... Abs?
237
00:10:34,988 --> 00:10:38,028
BUZZER
238
00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:43,308
Yo, man. Does Richard Pitt live
here?
239
00:10:43,308 --> 00:10:46,668
Yeah. Dad?
240
00:10:46,668 --> 00:10:50,868
Dad? Dad.
241
00:10:50,868 --> 00:10:53,988
Dad? Dad!
242
00:10:53,988 --> 00:10:56,068
Dad!
243
00:10:56,068 --> 00:10:57,388
Jackson.
244
00:10:57,388 --> 00:10:58,508
Hey.
245
00:10:58,508 --> 00:11:00,228
Jackson, what are you doing here?
246
00:11:00,228 --> 00:11:03,708
OK, I've flown halfway
across the world to tell you this.
247
00:11:03,708 --> 00:11:05,628
You told me to go
and find my father.
248
00:11:05,628 --> 00:11:08,028
Right. And I have, OK?
249
00:11:08,028 --> 00:11:09,668
Me and you got on, right? Yeah.
250
00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:12,228
You helped me, you changed my life.
Good.
251
00:11:12,228 --> 00:11:14,788
That's why it brings me
overwhelming happiness to tell
252
00:11:14,788 --> 00:11:16,268
you that...
253
00:11:16,268 --> 00:11:18,108
..you're my father!
254
00:11:20,188 --> 00:11:22,108
What? I found you.
255
00:11:22,108 --> 00:11:24,748
Jackson, I'm not your father.
256
00:11:24,748 --> 00:11:29,868
Yes, you are. No, I'm not.
257
00:11:29,868 --> 00:11:33,668
OK, I have a photo
of the two of you.
258
00:11:33,668 --> 00:11:35,508
The two of who? You and my mom.
259
00:11:35,508 --> 00:11:36,668
That's not me. Yes, it is.
260
00:11:36,668 --> 00:11:38,108
No, it's not.
261
00:11:38,108 --> 00:11:40,388
Sorry. OK, her name's Chanel Bailey.
262
00:11:40,388 --> 00:11:42,428
Means nothing. I'm from Silver Lake
California.
263
00:11:42,428 --> 00:11:44,228
I have never been there.
264
00:11:44,228 --> 00:11:45,508
OK, I'm 24 years old.
265
00:11:45,508 --> 00:11:47,068
24 years old.
266
00:11:47,068 --> 00:11:49,028
Do you know what, it's fine.
267
00:11:49,028 --> 00:11:50,668
I knew you'd react like this.
268
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:53,388
And that's why I propose
that we do a DNA test.
269
00:11:53,388 --> 00:11:55,548
What?! And let's confirm
what I already know.
270
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,708
I know that you're my dad.
271
00:11:56,708 --> 00:11:59,388
If you just do the test, we'll get
the answer that I know is true.
272
00:11:59,388 --> 00:12:02,188
I'm not doing a DNA test. Do a DNA
test. No. Why?
273
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,628
Because it's weird.
What are you talking about?
274
00:12:04,628 --> 00:12:06,028
It's not weird. Don't deny your son.
275
00:12:06,028 --> 00:12:08,868
RINGING TONE
I've got to get that,
my mum's missing.
276
00:12:08,868 --> 00:12:10,108
Grandmother's missing?
277
00:12:10,108 --> 00:12:12,308
She's not your grandmother.
278
00:12:19,422 --> 00:12:20,982
MESSAGE CHIMES
Any news?
279
00:12:20,982 --> 00:12:22,782
No, I haven't seen her anywhere.
280
00:12:22,782 --> 00:12:25,222
I looked in every pub, every
restaurant... Right.
281
00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:28,262
..every wine bar. She's nowhere.
OK. Who's that?
282
00:12:28,262 --> 00:12:29,662
Oh...that's Jackson.
283
00:12:29,662 --> 00:12:31,622
I'm his son. He's not my son.
284
00:12:31,622 --> 00:12:33,222
We're getting a DNA test.
No, we're not!
285
00:12:33,222 --> 00:12:37,022
Listen, you can buy a DNA test from
any chemist in the high street.
286
00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:40,662
Great! Jose!
MESSAGE CHIMES
287
00:12:40,662 --> 00:12:42,302
Oh, er, I gotta go.
288
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,702
Hello. Hi!
289
00:12:46,702 --> 00:12:48,382
Hello, hello. Hi. Look where I am.
290
00:12:48,382 --> 00:12:48,542
Look where I am. Where are you?
291
00:12:48,542 --> 00:12:50,102
I'm at the hospital.
Oh! My sister has woken up.
292
00:12:54,342 --> 00:12:55,742
She's OK. She's awake?
293
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,382
Yes, hang on.
294
00:12:57,382 --> 00:12:57,542
Wow! I know, I know.
295
00:12:57,542 --> 00:12:59,582
It's like the best day I think I've
ever had in my life.
296
00:13:02,502 --> 00:13:04,022
She doesn't look very awake.
297
00:13:04,022 --> 00:13:06,662
Well she's asleep right now, but I
had a phone call last, um, well,
298
00:13:06,662 --> 00:13:10,302
last night from the hospital.
She's basically going to be fine.
299
00:13:10,302 --> 00:13:11,702
She is alive and well.
300
00:13:11,702 --> 00:13:13,942
She's sleeping now, and any minute,
she'll wake up.
301
00:13:13,942 --> 00:13:17,182
And I'm going to be here.
Incredible! I feel I should leave
302
00:13:17,182 --> 00:13:18,862
you two to it. No! You have to be
here.
303
00:13:18,862 --> 00:13:20,222
This is because of you.
304
00:13:20,222 --> 00:13:22,822
Oh, it's not because of me. You have
changed my life!
305
00:13:22,822 --> 00:13:25,262
I'm not sure about that, but...
Yeah, Oh, my God! Hello.
306
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,102
Hi, gorgeous.
307
00:13:27,102 --> 00:13:29,622
What? What? It's me.
What's going on?
308
00:13:29,622 --> 00:13:32,182
Who, who are you?
What? Who?
309
00:13:32,182 --> 00:13:33,782
What's... No, no, no, no, no.
310
00:13:33,782 --> 00:13:35,862
Somebody please help me. Who are
you?
311
00:13:35,862 --> 00:13:38,462
It's me, your sister. I don't have a
sister! Yes, you do.
312
00:13:38,462 --> 00:13:41,022
What are you talking about? Calm
down, my darling. Calm down.
313
00:13:41,022 --> 00:13:44,782
Don't tell me to calm down!
I don't even know who you are!
314
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,862
Please. It's OK. Please, somebody!
315
00:13:46,862 --> 00:13:50,782
No, no, no! We need to call the
police! Stop! No, don't! Somebody
call the police!
316
00:13:50,782 --> 00:13:53,022
Calm down! Calm down!
I can't be here!
317
00:13:53,022 --> 00:13:55,702
SHE LAUGHS
318
00:14:00,182 --> 00:14:04,342
I can't believe you bought it.
It's so good. Never fails.
319
00:14:04,342 --> 00:14:06,062
SHE LAUGHS
320
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:07,502
It's good seeing you again.
321
00:14:07,502 --> 00:14:09,862
Ummm... Literally, I always do this.
322
00:14:09,862 --> 00:14:12,822
Oh, do you? It's like a running
thing, and she always falls for it.
323
00:14:12,822 --> 00:14:15,142
She's so gullible. Hello, my name's
Richard, by the way.
324
00:14:15,142 --> 00:14:17,662
I'm, er... Are you two together?
No. Are you lovers? What?
325
00:14:17,662 --> 00:14:19,782
No. Do you want to be lovers?
I'm her therapist.
326
00:14:19,782 --> 00:14:22,622
Oh, you've got a therapist? I'm her
therapist. I just wanted him to see
327
00:14:22,622 --> 00:14:25,102
you. No, it's really good to see
you, too, Jamie.
328
00:14:25,102 --> 00:14:26,302
And, you know, thank you.
329
00:14:26,302 --> 00:14:27,942
And I can't believe this is
happening.
330
00:14:27,942 --> 00:14:29,982
Yeah. Great.
331
00:14:29,982 --> 00:14:33,062
Congratulations! No, no. It's not
his. It's not mine, seriously.
332
00:14:33,062 --> 00:14:35,622
But, er, isn't it great that your
sister is, er,
333
00:14:35,622 --> 00:14:37,582
is pregnant and having a baby very
soon.
334
00:14:37,582 --> 00:14:39,982
You're going to be there. You're
going to be an auntie.
335
00:14:39,982 --> 00:14:42,502
Very soon? How soon? How soon? Maybe
you can be there with me.
336
00:14:42,502 --> 00:14:45,302
After all the terrible...
BED RATTLES
337
00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:47,982
Oh, my God, Alice.
Oh, my God, are you OK?
338
00:14:47,982 --> 00:14:50,622
ALICE GROANS
Nurse! Somebody! Somebody, quickly!
339
00:14:52,102 --> 00:14:54,702
Nurse! Nurse! Somebody quickly!
340
00:14:54,702 --> 00:14:56,742
Nurse!
341
00:14:56,742 --> 00:14:59,622
ALICE LAUGHS
Needed that laugh.
342
00:14:59,622 --> 00:15:02,062
That is some funny, some funny shit,
right?
343
00:15:04,902 --> 00:15:06,742
Are the whole family like this?
344
00:15:06,742 --> 00:15:08,742
BUZZER
345
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,822
Dad! Oh. Yeah. OK.
Listen to me! I'm not your dad.
346
00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:13,182
Hear me out! OK, if this isn't
enough, if you don't believe me,
347
00:15:13,182 --> 00:15:15,702
looking at me as if you don't know
that I'm your son,
348
00:15:15,702 --> 00:15:17,502
I got the next best thing. I got a
DNA test.
349
00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:18,822
OK, OK!
350
00:15:18,822 --> 00:15:21,262
Two whole minutes. All I have to do
is swab your cheek.
351
00:15:21,262 --> 00:15:25,062
Richard! Richard! Is it about Mum?
No, no. It's an exchange student.
352
00:15:25,062 --> 00:15:28,462
I am your son! I don't know why
you're fighting it! Two minutes. OK.
353
00:15:30,302 --> 00:15:32,982
Be done with it! Shut the door.
My God! Why are you...
354
00:15:32,982 --> 00:15:36,502
Lock the door! Why are you fighting
this, Dad?
355
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:39,462
Oh, my God.
BUZZER
356
00:15:39,462 --> 00:15:41,622
Richard! Oh. Hi. Hello.
Sorry I'm a bit early.
357
00:15:41,622 --> 00:15:43,342
No, no, not at all.
358
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:46,142
I'm rather excited. Yes, it is
exciting. This is exciting.
359
00:15:46,142 --> 00:15:49,222
Er... Balloons? It's like a group...
If you, er, if you go upstairs.
360
00:15:49,222 --> 00:15:51,902
No, it's...it's just, er...
Who's that? It's a client.
361
00:15:51,902 --> 00:15:55,782
I'll be, I'll be right back. I have
to talk to you about the different
stages... Right!
362
00:15:55,782 --> 00:15:57,662
of my relationship with Izzy... Yes.
363
00:15:57,662 --> 00:15:59,862
OK, like, what, how can I use this
in a sentence?
364
00:15:59,862 --> 00:16:02,782
In a reflective sentence, you'd say
like, zeself...
365
00:16:02,782 --> 00:16:05,582
This is actually my house, so... Oh,
right? You're having a party?
366
00:16:05,582 --> 00:16:08,262
No, I... Nathan!
367
00:16:08,262 --> 00:16:10,942
What are you doing here?
Is this part of the session?
368
00:16:10,942 --> 00:16:13,822
Izzy is... No, no, no...
..my daughter. Dad!
369
00:16:13,822 --> 00:16:15,302
Izzy. It's not important.
370
00:16:15,302 --> 00:16:17,342
What kind of therapy sessions do you
run here?
371
00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:18,862
It's just normal stuff.
372
00:16:18,862 --> 00:16:22,342
Relationships, everything like that,
and you really have advanced so
much.
373
00:16:22,342 --> 00:16:24,742
Dylan. Dad.
374
00:16:24,742 --> 00:16:27,382
Dad. I'm not your dad.
What, it will only take a minute.
375
00:16:29,782 --> 00:16:32,742
Oh, Ricky, look at you.
376
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,982
RICKY MUMBLES
Sort yourself out!
377
00:16:34,982 --> 00:16:37,582
I just shat myself.
OK, thank you.
378
00:16:37,582 --> 00:16:39,622
Bye-bye. Are you two sleeping
together?
379
00:16:39,622 --> 00:16:42,902
Well, we are. You know, in the sense
that we're sharing.
380
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,942
I thought you broke up?
We did break up.
381
00:16:44,942 --> 00:16:49,542
I thought it was a one-time thing?
In fact, I was left heartbroken, and
that's why I turned to you.
382
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:53,782
You went with this guy when we were
broken up, what three days? What do
you mean "this guy"?
383
00:16:53,782 --> 00:16:56,342
It didn't mean anything.
Izzy, you took my virginity.
384
00:16:56,342 --> 00:16:58,262
Do you understand that?
What? How old are you?
385
00:16:58,262 --> 00:17:00,222
That was a spiritual bond.
How old are you mate?
386
00:17:00,222 --> 00:17:02,422
Jose, talk to me. Any luck? No.
387
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:06,222
All I know is that somebody at six
in the morning used my Uber account
388
00:17:06,222 --> 00:17:08,862
to bring them to Kings Cross
international. Kings Cross?
389
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,862
I asked the ticket office...
No, they don't tell me anything.
390
00:17:11,862 --> 00:17:14,182
So... No-one's heard anything?
391
00:17:14,182 --> 00:17:17,582
Platform nine and three quarters is
here, isn't it?
392
00:17:17,582 --> 00:17:21,102
Yeah. I'm going to have a look, just
to see and then I can help you look.
393
00:17:21,102 --> 00:17:23,182
Harry Potter? Yes, Harry Potter.
394
00:17:23,182 --> 00:17:26,262
Jose, pull the wand out of your ass
and find my mum!
395
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:30,022
The reason I was talking to your
uncle John about joining the Army.
396
00:17:30,022 --> 00:17:31,502
You are too small, man.
397
00:17:31,502 --> 00:17:34,582
What? You're way too small.
Dude... I'm five, seven. I'm not...
398
00:17:34,582 --> 00:17:38,502
How are you going to carry your gun?
Look at your arms. Why are you
saying all this stuff to me?
399
00:17:38,502 --> 00:17:41,742
It's like, you're acting like
it's...
400
00:17:41,742 --> 00:17:44,622
OTHERS ARGUE FAINTLY
401
00:17:44,622 --> 00:17:47,942
I'm, I'm going to miss you man.
402
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,702
I'll miss you too.
403
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,382
But, I just need to get out of this
place.
404
00:17:52,382 --> 00:17:55,382
You know, that's permanent marker on
your chest.
405
00:17:55,382 --> 00:17:55,542
This is permanent? Everything.
406
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:57,262
Man, I've one burger nipple. I'm
going to be... I'm going to be sick
again.
407
00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:02,542
Get out, get out, get out!
408
00:18:05,022 --> 00:18:06,662
Nathan?
409
00:18:06,662 --> 00:18:09,862
Richard, what is going on? One
second. I'll be right there.
410
00:18:09,862 --> 00:18:11,982
Richard, we really need to talk
right now.
411
00:18:11,982 --> 00:18:14,102
Just give me a second. Hi, I don't
understand this.
412
00:18:14,102 --> 00:18:17,022
Yes. Did you know the entire time
you were giving me therapy sessions
413
00:18:17,022 --> 00:18:22,022
about your own daughter? Did you set
the whole thing up? There are so
many things we should discuss.
414
00:18:22,022 --> 00:18:26,902
Absolutely, you're absolutely right.
Let's discuss this like adults.
Can I suggest we go into my office?
415
00:18:26,902 --> 00:18:31,142
For a second. Fine. Is that OK?
Great, now look. The thing I was
thinking is...
416
00:18:31,142 --> 00:18:33,382
Oi! Richard.
HE BANGS ON DOOR
417
00:18:33,382 --> 00:18:37,022
Let me out! Richard!
BANGING CONTINUES
418
00:18:37,022 --> 00:18:39,982
Don't go into the office. Dad, I
need to talk to you.
419
00:18:39,982 --> 00:18:43,782
No, Izzy, we need to talk. I feel
like I'm the only one trying to save
this relationship.
420
00:18:43,782 --> 00:18:47,542
It, it doesn't matter because
I...I'm going celibate. I need this.
421
00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:50,502
I need some sort of a digital detox,
or like a sexual cleanse.
422
00:18:50,502 --> 00:18:53,782
From me? From...everything! I...
423
00:18:53,782 --> 00:18:57,622
Daddy, I really need you to help me.
Please just say something.
Er...yeah...
424
00:18:59,142 --> 00:19:02,542
Dad, I need to talk to you about the
Army...
425
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,262
Yeah, I need to talk to YOU
about soap.
426
00:19:04,262 --> 00:19:06,782
Oi! One second, I'll be right there.
427
00:19:06,782 --> 00:19:09,822
Seriously, Dad.
Have a fucking bath.
428
00:19:09,822 --> 00:19:12,222
Richard! You've got a message from
Mum!
429
00:19:12,222 --> 00:19:14,262
Dad, who is that? Exchange student.
430
00:19:14,262 --> 00:19:15,702
Come down.
431
00:19:22,782 --> 00:19:25,022
ACCORDION PLAYS FAINTLY
Bonjour, mon cheries!
432
00:19:25,022 --> 00:19:28,782
Guess where I am? Think romance.
433
00:19:28,782 --> 00:19:30,942
You're right, Paris.
434
00:19:30,942 --> 00:19:35,222
Isn't it wonderful? It's formidable.
BALLOON POPS
435
00:19:35,222 --> 00:19:40,222
Anyway loves, a tout for the moment,
and remember...
436
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:42,782
# Non, non regrette...
437
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:47,742
MESSAGE PINGS
# Je ne regrette rien... #
438
00:19:49,302 --> 00:19:51,702
A tout, loves.
439
00:19:51,702 --> 00:19:55,102
VIDEO CALL CHIMES
440
00:20:01,862 --> 00:20:04,622
Hello. Listen, I'm sorry for banging
on the door.
441
00:20:04,622 --> 00:20:06,822
Don't worry, I get it now. You're a
genius.
442
00:20:06,822 --> 00:20:09,742
You put me in a room. Aversion
therapy. All the things that
threaten me.
443
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:12,142
The bisexuality, with the incest,
with infidelity.
444
00:20:12,142 --> 00:20:14,462
Beefy younger men in closed spaces
is wonderful,
445
00:20:14,462 --> 00:20:17,862
and in this room already I've had
some real breakthroughs. I have just
one question.
446
00:20:17,862 --> 00:20:20,942
I have a seminar at two o'clock.
How long do I have to be in here?
447
00:20:20,942 --> 00:20:23,822
VIDEO CALL CHIMES
448
00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:25,582
Mr Pitt, can I stay here when Ricky
leaves?
449
00:20:25,582 --> 00:20:28,462
What? Dad, I want to talk to you
about consent. Consent?
450
00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:30,822
You just need to fill out some
forms cos I'm 16.
451
00:20:30,822 --> 00:20:34,182
What forms? Dad, dad I'm joining the
Army. Put some clothes on.
452
00:20:34,182 --> 00:20:36,142
BANGING ON DOOR
Where are you going now Mr Pitt?
453
00:20:36,142 --> 00:20:37,902
I'm not going anywhere.
454
00:20:39,182 --> 00:20:42,342
You know what, I'm going to do it.
455
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,982
I'm going to do it. There's no time
like the present, eh?
456
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:48,582
I'm going to do it. This is it. This
is it, God this is it, OK.
457
00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:50,982
OK, I'll talk to you guys soon.
OK, here we go.
458
00:20:50,982 --> 00:20:53,902
VIDEO CALL CHIMES
459
00:20:57,582 --> 00:21:00,582
Don't move, Dad. Get off of me.
460
00:21:00,582 --> 00:21:02,982
What are you doing? I love you.
461
00:21:02,982 --> 00:21:05,342
This is for us. I'm doing this for
us.
462
00:21:05,342 --> 00:21:08,902
I'm doing it for us.
This is for me, and it is for you.
463
00:21:08,902 --> 00:21:10,982
Don't touch it.
464
00:21:10,982 --> 00:21:13,822
Yes! Yes! Oh, my God, yes!
465
00:21:27,902 --> 00:21:30,182
Argh! Neil. Richard.
466
00:21:30,182 --> 00:21:33,302
It's Neil... Argh...
467
00:21:33,302 --> 00:21:37,342
Richard. Richard, wait!
468
00:21:39,582 --> 00:21:42,022
No, Neil don't!
Get off that fucking bike!
469
00:21:42,022 --> 00:21:43,582
Richard!
470
00:21:47,702 --> 00:21:49,542
Richard. Argh!
471
00:21:51,062 --> 00:21:52,622
Stop it.
472
00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:56,302
Oi! No, no, no.
473
00:21:56,302 --> 00:21:58,462
Richard... Richard!
474
00:22:00,462 --> 00:22:02,542
Neil, I... Neil... Richard.
475
00:22:05,062 --> 00:22:07,422
I just want to say thank you.
476
00:22:07,422 --> 00:22:12,782
Thank you from the bottom of my
heart for giving me therapy.
477
00:22:12,782 --> 00:22:14,782
You've changed my life.
478
00:22:14,782 --> 00:22:17,862
I'm bloody sorry about being such a
twat.
479
00:22:17,862 --> 00:22:19,542
Cos I know I was, and you don't
deserve it.
480
00:22:19,542 --> 00:22:21,822
You're an angel, you are.
481
00:22:21,822 --> 00:22:23,942
Do I still have to pay you back the
money?
482
00:22:23,942 --> 00:22:25,502
Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.
483
00:22:25,502 --> 00:22:28,862
Yeah, you gotta pay me back, in't
ya? OK...
484
00:22:28,862 --> 00:22:30,822
Thank you.
485
00:22:30,822 --> 00:22:32,862
WHISPERS: Fucking hell.
486
00:22:32,862 --> 00:22:34,462
In fact, I love you. Right.
487
00:22:34,462 --> 00:22:36,902
No-one's ever been as nice as you
have.
488
00:22:36,902 --> 00:22:39,742
I couldn't have done it without you.
489
00:22:39,742 --> 00:22:41,862
Thank you. OK...
490
00:22:41,862 --> 00:22:44,702
Look at the possibilities...
HORN BEEPS
491
00:23:07,942 --> 00:23:10,542
LAUGHING: I'm... I'm pregnant.
492
00:23:42,262 --> 00:23:45,822
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