Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

I'm Robert James, Mr. LA

sayin' peace to you.

‐ My man, good show. ‐ Alright.

Hey, Robert, I have someone who would like to meet you.

Hey, Robert, I'm Brian Goodman.

I'm an executive producer at Entertainment Tonight

and I've been checking you out for a long time.

[chuckles] Oh, thank you.

You are talkin' about my work, right?

No, I'm talkin' about your ass.

I'm kidding, I'm straight!

[laughing]

But I'm sure it's delightful. No!

I'm, uh, I'm here because we fired

our weekend entertainment guy

and we would like you to replace him.

‐ Word? ‐ Word?

‐ Word? ‐ Word.

You got the talent, you've got the energy

you would be the perfect addition to our show.

Do you know what? I'm flattered.

But Mr. LA is my thing right now

and it keeps me pretty busy.

Well, it's just weekends

couple hours tops, and we're..

[chuckles] We're prepared to do whatever it takes to make this happen.

Really?

Well, does whatever include bringin' my producer?

If that's what it takes.

See if they have benefits.

I had the Mr. LA dental max.

Dirk Black. It'll be a pleasure workin' with you.

For me. So, do we have a deal?

‐ I'm in. ‐ Fantastic! Welcome aboard.

I'll have my lawyer send the paperwork over.

Okay. Alright.

My man! Thanks for havin' my back, man.

Come on, man, you know how we do, we a team, Dirk.

‐ That's right, that's right. ‐ And guess what?

Your boy is about to be on a national show!

I'm about to produce a national show.

I'm gonna watch a national show.

"CSI" is on tonight.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

I know you guys have produced a tremendous amount

of local television, but let me tell you

how it works on the national front.

Come on, I can do this in my sleep.

[chuckles] Well, that sounds like a neat trick, Dirk.

But, uh, humor me, and try it while you're awake.

[cellphone beeping]

Uh, I'm sorry. They need me in editing.

I will be right back.

Man, Entertainment Tonight is about to meet

the Dirk Black vision.

Or as I like to call it, the Black Hotness.

Okay, Dirk..

...before you give him your vision

why don't you give him their vision?

Fine. But I know what they want.

They're just too afraid to ask for it.

Their lips say Mary Hart

but their eyes are beggin' for the Black Hotness.

[instrumental music]

‐ Hey, Rusty, come on in. ‐ What's goin' on, Neesee?

‐ Well, I should ask you that. ‐ Ugh.

You gonna build Neesee's bookshelves or Noah's Ark?

[chuckling]

Alright, um, well

the shelves are gonna go there.

Gotcha.

So, how's Sarah?

Oh, you know, bossy, nosy, high‐maintenance

typical big sister stuff.

[Rusty laughs]

Listen, I'm gonna get started

so I'll be out of your way, alright?

Well, no, no, no. I'm gonna be right here.

See, I made myself your assistant

so next time, I won't have to call you.

Well, that's too bad. What if I wanted you to call me, huh?

[Rusty chuckles]

Oh, I see, you into the oldies, huh?

‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ What you got here?

Cameo and Slave.

Switch. The O'Jays.

Harold Melvin And The Blue Notes.

Rufus and Chaka Khan, girl?

You don't know nothin' about that.

Girl, please, I'm surprised I don't see no

Donny Hathaway, Atlantic Starr

some Earth, Wind & Fire up in here.

Oh, well, no, you better put them goggles on

and keep lookin', 'cause they all over there.

You know, I got Earth, Wind & Fire

in the player, right now.

‐ Stop. ‐ Hmm. Well, sing it, boys.

Aah!

♪ The reasons that we hear ♪

Where?

♪ The reasons that.. ♪

Gimme that.

♪ Our feelings a won't ♪

‐ Break it down, baby. ‐ Okay.

♪ Disappear ♪

Here's the part, here's the part.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And ♪

♪ After the love game ♪

♪ Has been played ♪

♪ And all our illusions ♪

♪ Were just a parade ♪

♪ And all the reasons.. ♪♪♪

Ah‐ah, I know the words, huh?

You know somethin', girl, this thing had me

lock myself up in my room

and teach myself how to play the bass when I was 15, I swear.

Oh, okay, okay.

Uh, a musician and a carpenter.

‐ Uh‐huh. ‐ A man of many talents.

[chuckles] Well, two, anyway.

[laughing]

You know, I have a band.

You should come see me play sometime.

Oh, well, you should invite me to see you play sometime.

Well, consider yourself invited.

Well, consider yourself late.

[both laughing]

Well, assistant, why don't you hand me a piece of that wood

before the boss lady gets back.

Yeah, 'cause I heard she real mean.

No.

She only seems that way until you get to know her.

[chuckles]

Oh! I got a splint.

Nah‐uh, don't worry about it.

I get these all the time.

It is an occupational...hazard.

I think I should get worker's comp for this.

Why don't we settle out of court and you let me

take you to dinner?

Tsk, uh..

...I don't settle.

But I'll go to dinner with you.

‐ Ha‐ha‐ha. ‐ Oh.

[driller whirring]

‐ Oh! ‐ Oh.

That's, that's my drill, but..

...it's, it's turned off now.

The drill, I mean..

...turned off.

[instrumental music]

Mm, mm‐hm. See, honey. Come here.

See, this is the story for you to cover

on Entertainment Tonight, okay?

This teacher in Missouri just sold a children's book

about talkin' tricycles for $600,000.

‐ Six hundred thousand dollars? ‐ 'Yeah.'

‐ Say word. ‐ Word.

Now, you know what we could do with that kind of money?

‐ Mm. ‐ We could get a summer home.

We wouldn't have to worry about Bobby's college and‐‐

Look, baby, the self‐publishing industry

has changed a lot since you were in the game.

Yeah, it doesn't matter, 'cause, see

I'mma just get back to writing my books.

Okay, let's see, uh

furniture, mm‐hm, furniture.

A story about a little lost loveseat

lookin' for his dead...ottoman!

Ah! Yeah, that's good, that's good.

Baby, how is a loveseat gonna have a daddy?

Baby, you have seen children's TV.

Anything is possible with a little imagination.

Talkin' trees, talkin' peanuts..

Oh‐oh‐oh.

A talkin' tree named Peanut. Yeah.

You know what, baby, I'm gonna go get a glove

so I can catch all these gems, okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

You go away, you let me create.

Well, hey, baby, I was meanin' to ask you.

How was school today?

‐ Good. Have you seen my hat? ‐ Uh, no.

But we can look for that after we talk.

Come on, sit down, sit down.

Okay.

So..

...kids talkin' about any good books

down at the yard lately, hm?

I don't know, I spent recess lookin' for my hat.

Well, um, we'll find it, just come over here and talk.

Maybe it's in my room.

Okay, well, I hope you find it.

[gasps] Ooh.

A little boy who lost his hat.

Yes! I'll tell the cat it's tit‐for‐tat.

Whoo! G‐O‐L‐D gold, baby! Yeah!

[instrumental music]

Alright, Kweli, I'm gonna ask you a question

that's on everybody's minds.

‐ Shoot. ‐ Alright.

Do conscious rappers get groupies?

[chuckles] Wow, um..

I don't really call 'em groupies.

I prefer to call 'em supporters of my output, you understand?

Oh, I get that. I feel you, I feel you.

Well, I wanna thank you for letting E. T. behind the scenes

of your new video, "Never Been In Love."

‐ Thank you, Robert. ‐ Alright.

I'm Robert James for Entertainment Tonight, and..

Yo, would you like to take us out with a freestyle?

I love to, it's what I do.

Now, get the mike, word up.

Alright, here we go.

♪ Yo it's Kweli ♪

♪ You could pronounce the name I'm rockin' with ET ♪

♪ And my people's Robert James here ♪

♪ Shut out Mos Def shut out Hi‐Tech ♪

♪ Shut out Black Thought ♪

♪ Give it here cut the check word ♪

♪ Yo my freestyle skills' evident ♪

♪ Forget George Bush they want Kweli for president ♪

♪ Peace and love Brooklyn ♪♪♪

‐ Mm. Alright. ‐ Alright.

I'm Robert James for Entertainment Tonight.

I did my part. I'mma send it back to my girl, Mary Hart.

Good job, Robert.

Wait till you see the finished cut.

We're gonna have Kweli freestylin'

with some neighborhood kids behind him.

Then we're gonna bring in a graffiti artist to put up‐‐

Yeah, we don't need it.

For your first effort, this is good.

‐ Thanks, Brian. ‐ "Good?"

I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were settling for "good."

I'm sorry. What's the problem, Dirk?

My problem is, the piece is good.

But we can make it better.

But I said I'm happy with it.

Dirk, you heard what he said. He's happy with it, man.

Hey, my name's on it, man.

I don't want my name on anything that's not hot.

You want your name on somethin' that's not hot?

Actually, I want my name on something that's successful

like this show.

It's true, Entertainment Tonight is a success

but the only way to continue being a success

is by evolving, staying on the cutting edge.

And I can make that happen.

‐ You know why? ‐ Because you're hot?

Bingo!

Hotness, baby. H‐O‐T‐ness.

I'm the Hotness Monster.

‐ I think I know what I'm doing. ‐ Fine.

If bland is what you want, that's what you'll get.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go unblacken my catfish.

What does that even mean?

Well, he, he thinks..

He cooks..

...and his mother's Creole.

We're good, we‐we're good, right‐‐

Now, we're far from good, Robert.

In fact, if Los Angeles were good

we'd be in Okinawa.

I'm sorry, I just had to turn around to see if

Dirk had B‐roll of Japanese people

krumpin' behind me.

Look, I know Dirk could be a hothead sometime‐‐

Well, he is the Hotness Monster.

Well, well, Brian, that's because he has vision

and he's a perfectionist, he can produce

anything that you want.

I doubt it. He may have to go.

Brian, you can't fire Dirk. We're a team.

If you fire him, you're gonna have to fire me.

Look, man, we‐we're just used to doin' things

a different way, alright?

We're here.

You're here.

But trust me, if you give him some time

he'll adjust.

Alright. For you, I'm gonna give him a second chance.

But if he doesn't "adjust"

it's gonna be peace out to..

...both of you.

[instrumental music]

[audience cheering]

Thank you, thank you for doin' this show.

Thank you for having me.

Listen, you guys go out

and get Fantasia's album.

It's called "Free Yourself."

It's in stores now, and you be good.

‐ I will, man, I'm a good girl. ‐ Bet you are.

I'm Mr. LA sayin' peace to you.

And we're clear.

Thank you for coming to the show.

Thanks. Well, I love you, Mr. LA.

‐ Oh! ‐ Oh, we love you too.

And I love you too.

I voted for you 419 times.

This is the finger that did it.

You are so sweet

and scary.

I will never wash this hand again.

I believe that.

Hey, Fantasia, just so you know

I don't just produce Mr. LA.

I also produce a nationally syndicated television show

you may have heard of it, Entertainment Tonight?

‐ Mm‐hm, yeah, man. ‐ Huh?

We should do lunch.

Man, it's 9:00 a. m.

It's an expression.

Here's my card.

"Dirk Black. Producer of all things hot."

I might as well take your word for it.

‐ Okay, okay. ‐ Okay? Bye, guys.

Bye, take care, Fantasia.

‐ Dirk, we need to talk. ‐ What's up?

Do you think you could tone things down a little bit

at Entertainment Tonight?

What are you talkin' about?

I'm talkin' about the way you argue with Brian, man.

He's ready to fire both of us.

What? It's 'cause we're black, isn't it?

Well, since he hasn't fired all the other black people

I'm thinkin' no.

Look, my father taught me

whatever I do, do the best I can.

And the one thing I can't do is mediocrity.

Dirk, what we're doin' is not mediocrity

it's a step in our path.

And after a few more steps

we'll be in a position to do things

the way we wanna do them

together, like we planned.

Alright, I'm down.

Alright?

I can still smell her perfume on my hand.

Well, you're lucky.

My hands smell like tacos.

You..

...ruined it.

[instrumental music]

But you know how you said to me that there's no place in LA

that has good meat loaf, right?

I know this place does look a bit corny, but, uh..

‐ Ha‐ha‐ha. ‐ What do you think?

I mean, uh..

What?

‐ It was good. ‐ Alright.

But, I could've made it better.

I sense the meatloaf wasn't a big ol' hit

and now you need to try that pecan pie.

‐ Let me get you a slice. ‐ Oh, well..

You know what, I can get it.

I gotta see how it looks first.

‐ Mm‐hm. ‐ Mm.

Okay, okay. Not bad, not bad.

I'll take that.

You lucky, you bigger than me.

You lucky.

[instrumental music]

"On a wall

"in the hall, maybe under a ball.

"One by one, then suddenly all

"with a clip and a clat

went searching for the little boy's hat."

‐ What do you think? ‐ Uh, what's a clat?

Well, I made it up.

What do you think should happen next?

Maybe, they look in the closet.

Now, that is a good idea, Bobby.

You are so smart. Mwah.

But, ooh..

...what rhymes with closet?

Wuzzit. If you can make up words, I can too.

[instrumental music]

‐ I really had a good time. ‐ Thank you.

[chuckles]

[cellphone ringing]

Oh, excuse me.

Hello. Hey, Sarah.

Listen, I'm‐I'm.. Now is not a good time.

Uh‐huh. Okay, well, I'll fix it tomorrow.

'Cause I'm busy, bye.

Did you just hang up in her face?

Uh‐huh. I've been doin' this since I was little.

‐ Ha‐ha‐ha. Oh, boy. ‐ Ha‐ha‐ha.

So, what does your sister think about us goin' out to dinner?

She doesn't.

Sarah's a little overprotective.

She's run off every woman I've ever dated

and I just don't want you to be one of 'em.

Oh, so, what we supposed to do?

Sneak around and pretend like we don't know each other?

[laughing]

You cool with that, right?

Do I look like I'm in high school to you?

Actually, you do. Your skin all soft and smooth.

You barely look legal.

Well, I do moisturize

and I do look good.

[chuckling]

But that's besides the point.

You know, I don't know where this is gonna go.

But if you wanna take me out again

I'm not gonna be sneakin' around, I'm a grown‐ass woman.

I can see that.

And if we go out again, trust me, there'll be no issues.

‐ Well, okay. ‐ Okay.

‐ Well, then, I'll see you soon. ‐ Alright.

Oh, you know somethin', how about this weekend?

Because we're playing and, uh, I could put you

on the guest list if you wanna come.

Oh!

Your band is that big where there's a guest list, huh?

Uh‐huh, actually, there has to be

because we're playin' at a prom.

[chuckles] I'm just kidding, girl.

We're playin' at Timber Bar in Santa Monica.

Oh..

I mean, well, it really didn't matter

if you was playing at a prom.

Just kiddin'.

[laughing]

‐ Goodnight, Neesee. ‐ Goodnight.

[instrumental music]

[chuckles]

So, what other events are we covering this month?

We have a very exciting lineup.

'We're sending camera crews'

to the Victoria's Secret lingerie show..

...and the Westminster Dog Show.

Wow! It sounds great, it sounds good.

‐ What do you guys think? ‐ 'Good.'

‐ 'Good?' ‐ 'Yeah.'

Dirk, what do you think?

I think Marcia's ideas are super‐rific.

‐ Joy‐licious. ‐ Great. Good, good, good.

Okay, since you are the new guys

why don't you pick which event you wanna cover?

What's it gonna be, guys? Mutts or butts?

Well, I mean, it's tough not to choose 'em both

but if I had to just choose one..

...I'm going to the lingerie show.

[laughing]

Uh..

Dirk..

...is there a problem?

Nope.

‐ It's all fun‐derful. ‐ Excellent.

It's just that I've been to a million lingerie shows..

...both private and public.

And your point is?

That they're all the same.

Why don't we try a fresh spin this year?

Maybe a behind‐the‐scenes expose.

Have a camera crew follow the models.

Get the transformation from beast to beauty.

Ooh, that sounds, how would you put it, Dirk, um

bad‐idea‐tastic.

We don't have time. Anyway, uh, someone I‐‐

‐ I quit! ‐ What?

I appreciate the opportunity.

I don't belong here.

‐ Dirk, what are you doin'? ‐ I'm not feelin' this, man.

Well, if you're leavin' then I'm leavin'.

No. You stay.

We need to have more brothers on national TV

other than the ones on "Cops."

Besides, I need to be at Mr. LA

where I have creative freedom

and I can open the door for more brothers like us.

Dirk, we agreed to do this together as partners.

Listen, the best way to keep a partnership together

is knowin' when to pass the ball

and let your teammate take the shot.

The lane's open, man.

Take it to the hoop.

Feel me?

[sighs]

Okay.

Now, if you'll excuse me

before they cut up my dental plan..

...I'm going to get nine root canals.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

You realize when you quit

it usually means you leave the building?

I'm just getting some of my stuff.

And are those pencils part of your, uh, stuff?

Why you gotta be so cheeky?

You know, Dirk, for whatever it's worth, um..

I'm sorry this didn't work out.

‐ No, you're not. ‐ True!

But I didn't take you for a quitter.

I didn't think that the, uh

Black Hotness would cool so fast.

Oh, hold up. Black Hotness does not cool.

It never cools.

It just relocates back to Mr. LA

where it rages on like an inferno

burning into the night

shinin' like a beacon for..

You see where I'm goin' with this.

‐ Goodbye, Brian. ‐ Um, Dirk.

Brian, there's nothin' you can say to get me back.

Dirk..

...I need your, uh

security card and your parking pass.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]