Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

‐ Hey, baby! ‐ Hm?

‐ Guess what I found. ‐ Oh, my Clay Aiken CD!

Huh? I got caught up in the hysteria.

You know, my head said Reuben, but my heart said Clay.

[chuckling]

No. My first‐grade picture.

(Tia) Aw! Ooh..

If I was in your first‐grade class

I would have played house with you.

‐ Oh? ‐ Yeah. Hm.

You a fast little girl, huh?

[chuckles] But I like that.

Hey, baby, why don't you go upstairs and dig yours

out of the closet, too?

'Cause when Bobby comes

I'mma put all our first‐grade pictures

right here next to Winnie and Nelson Mandela.

Oh, no. Mm‐mm. I'm not putting my first‐grade picture up there.

My mom used to have my hair in these weird little Afro puffs.

I looked like Shrek with berets. No.

I'm not doing it. I'm not putting my picture..

‐ Daddy! ‐ Hey, man! You're just in time.

I was just clearing space for the Bobby's wall of fame.

Robert, you should not have ordered these many pictures.

Uh‐ah. Of an average‐looking kid.

This here is my boy!

Alright? Tia we got everything.

We got snow globes, we got mouse pads

we got thousand‐piece Bobby‐face jigsaw puzzles.

Aw, baby, you too cheap to spring for the 5000 piece?

Who the hell is this?

It's me. That's my cool look.

Robert, we need a reshoot.

Or an exorcist.

What? Oh, I'm sorry..

[mumbles] Look, look, don't get me wrong.

I mean, you a good‐looking boy.

I mean, you got the classic

James cheek bones

but that picture stinks, son.

[chuckles]

For such a good‐lookin' boy.

But the picture stinks.

Phew! I'm so glad we didn't buy the T‐shirts.

[chuckles]

♪ Often I wish that we could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be a family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪ ♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

Okay, Bobby, look.

You got five kangaroos, three hop away.

How many you got left?

Mm‐mm, enough to eat cookies?

Okay, look, come on, sweetie, pay attention.

Your achievement test is tomorrow.

But I'm hungry.

Okay, I'mma make you a deal.

You finish all these math problems

and I'm gonna give you five cookies

plus three cookies which equals..

Lots of cookies!

‐ Daddy! ‐ Hey, how's my little Einstein?

I'm not Einstein, I'm a kangaroo.

And when I grow up, I'm gonna carry my babies in my pouch.

‐ Okay, ten‐minute break. ‐ Yay!

Whoa, look at that hop, huh! Good one!

Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop. Ha‐ha.

Yeah, our little kangaroo

is havin' a little trouble focusing.

Yeah, well, I'd have trouble focusing, too

if my teacher was this fine.

Now, come on, honey, I'm serious.

But you know what, Jonelle said

lately she's been having trouble

gettin' him to focus, too.

Hm.

Okay, baby, I've been meaning

to tell you something about Bobby.

He has a mind of a six‐year‐old..

...because he is a six‐year‐old.

[school bell ringing]

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, Robert. Uh‐oh! Hey, Dezel!

Well, aren't you cute.

I'm not cute, I'm hot.

Uh‐huh! You tell her, son. Smokin'.

‐ Mm. ‐ Uh.

Well, I guess you signed him up

for the reshoot this afternoon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the last ones

were a little out of focus, you know?

There was a glare in the lens..

Yeah, I saw the picture, Robert.

Hey, don't be talking about my son.

‐ That was his cool look. ‐ Ah.

So we meet again, number two.

‐ Oh‐ho‐ho! ‐ Bobby.

Bobby. Bobby, listen.

When you take the reshoot, remember to smile, alright?

This is a smile.

Not this.

Robert, the reshoot is after school.

Right now he should really be focusing

on today's achievement.

Don't even worry about it.

Tia's been working with him, check it.

Bobby, how do you spell your name?

‐ B‐O‐B‐B‐Y. ‐ What state do you live in?

‐ California. ‐ And who is the governor?

The Rock.

‐ Close. Try another The. ‐ The Terminator.

Ah! That's what I'm talkin' about.

[chuckles] And lastly

what are the two things to remember in life?

Don't talk to strangers and don't drink my bathwater.

[laughs] That's my boy.

[chuckling] Yes, it is.

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Sorry I'm late. I was at the salon for four hours.

For that?

You think this all just happens?

It's a weave.

Listen, I'm gonna get right to it.

As you both know, I've tried everything

to make my marriage with Jonelle work.

[laughing]

But, unfortunately, it looks like

I'm headed for divorce again.

Before I tell Jonelle, I'll need a favor.

I've been hiding cash so the divorce lawyers won't find it.

I'm down to my last 20,000.

I need you two to hold it for me.

Are you seriously asking us to hide money from Jonelle?

You know that's illegal, right?

Yeah.

I'm in.

‐ What? ‐ Thank you.

Don't give me cash, we should deal in merchandise.

It's harder for the man to track it down.

I think we all know who I mean when I say, "The man."

And I think we all know what I mean when I say, "The prison."

Hey, it's only a crime if we get caught.

No, it's always a crime.

If you get caught, it's just a poorly committed crime.

I say we invest it in the jewel of seduction.

Diamonds.

Dirk, how do you even know that Jonelle wants your money, man?

Robert, let me tell you something about nature.

Women are greedy.

The black widow, the praying mantis, the queen bee

they just mate and bite their man's head off.

Okay, if you're feeling this way

why didn't you just sign a prenup?

Because that would have been rude.

[instrumental music]

Okay, Joel.

Look at the duck. Big smile. Come on.

[toy squeaking]

'Oh, come on. Big smile. You can do it.'

Oh! Okay, good job! Next.

(Neesee) Okay, okay.

‐ Let's practice, baby. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Come on. Lemme see you smile.

Okay, uh, is that your cool smile again?

No, that one was mysterious. I could go gangster.

How about you go first grade?

Get on line, man. Good.

Hey, Robert and Neesee, can I talk to you guys for a second?

Yeah, make it quick, it's almost showtime.

Okay, well, we got the results back from Bobby's test.

He didn't do too well?

Well, actually, he did great for the first half.

Uh, excuse me.

Bobby, Bobby

don't forget the James cheekbones

alright?

Hey, and don't forget to look at the duck, okay?

‐ What does that mean? ‐ Okay.

Now, this is just me talking to you guys as your friend

and not as Bobby's teacher.

‐ But, uh‐‐ ‐ Uh, uh, Bobby. Straighten up.

♪ Ducky ducky duck duck duck.. ♪

You know, that is such a pretty song.

But just sit up while you sing that, okay?

‐ I'm gonna name him Leeroy. ‐ Well, what are you saying?

Well, at first I thought he was having problems‐‐

Hey, hey, hey. Mm‐mm. Problems?

[sighs] Okay, well..

I know it's not easy to hear that your child has issues.

♪ Leeroy the duck duck duck duck ♪♪♪

Bobby, stop singing.

Hey, look. I already told Tia, he's just a kid being a kid.

Okay, here we go.

‐ Say cheese! ‐ Duck!

Quack! Quack!

[imitating duck]

Bobby, Bobby, stop quacking, alright?

Look in to the lens and focus.

‐ Mm‐hmm. Concentrate. ‐ What?

Robert.

Jonelle thinks that Bobby has ADD.

Smile.

[instrumental music]

What do you mean my son has ADD?

Sweetie, she didn't say he has it.

She's just saying there may be a chance.

You know, based on his behavior and his tests‐‐

‐ ADD? ‐ Well, that's what she said.

What, you got it, too?

Look, I'm just saying, when a student exhibits

this many symptoms of attention deficit disorder

I usually recommend he see a psychiatrist.

[scoffs]

Well, you can't deny

that he's been having trouble lately.

Neesee, I am not sending my son to no shrink.

Shrinks are for nutty‐house people.

Psychos, schizos..

...you.

Good, Robert, that's exactly the kind of compassion

that's gonna help him get through this.

I'm not sending my son to some stranger

so that he can put ideas in to my son's head

makin' him think that there's somethin' wrong with him.

It doesn't have to be a stranger.

My therapist works with kids, too.

We can take him there.

I've seen your doctor's work..

...and I'm not impressed.

Okay, okay. Okay, look, baby.

If there's nothing wrong, what is the harm

in letting him talk to somebody now?

Now, either he has a problem and you can help him

or he doesn't have a problem and all he did was talk.

Bobby doesn't need to talk to anybody. He's fine.

(Bobby) 'Look, daddy, I'm a human trashcan!'

Whee!

[instrumental music]

Now, I know that this can be overwhelming and scary

but I promise you, we're almost done

and you're doing a great job.

You do realize I'm not Bobby, right?

Yes, but since there is no test for ADD

the best way to diagnose it is often to talk to the parents.

And based on what you've told me about Bobby

'his inability to complete a task'

'his tendency to hyperfocus on distractions'

I believe Bobby does have ADD.

Hm, I knew I shouldn't have been standing around

all those microwaves when I was pregnant

but you wanted your dinner, "Now."

Okay, Neesee, don't start pointing fingers.

‐ This isn't because of me. ‐ It could be.

You was in those hot tubs all the time.

You might have cooked your chromosomes.

This isn't about microwaves or hot tubs.

You know what? This isn't a disease, alright?

This is what happens to kids when their parents get divorced.

That's true, isn't it?

No, it is no one's fault.

There is nothing you could have done to prevent it.

But I can tell you, this isn't as bad as it sounds.

With the right treatment, Bobby will be totally fine.

Well, what kind of treatment are you talkin' about?

Well, we should discuss it in detail when I finish up

with Bobby, but I would suggest neurofeedback or medication‐‐

Whoa, hey, that's g‐great. Great, doctor!

Alright, look, uh, we're gonna talk

while you finish up, okay?

Thank you so much for your help.

We really appreciate it.

'What a bunch of crap!'

Mr. James, just because I can't see you through this mirror

doesn't mean I can't hear you.

You stop that.

‐ This is serious. ‐ Tell me about it.

Drugging a six‐year‐old? Huh?

Neesee, don't you know what this is?

This is rich doctors makin' up diseases

so they can get more patients and get richer.

Dr. Shapiro drives a Fiesta.

You just don't get it, do you, Neesee? Huh?

ADD stands for ain't no damn disease.

Okay, this is just a flavor of the month, Neesee.

Two years ago it was chronic fatigue.

A couple of years before that, it was the thing

that made you fart all the time.

No, Robert, that was just you.

Look, if Bobby has a problem

we have to help him the best we can.

Exactly and that doesn't mean just givin' him a pill.

Well, I'm sorry, what medical school did you go to?

I don't have to go to medical school to know

that my son is not gonna be given some label.

Crazy Bobby James, the boy that has to get doped up

just to finger paint.

Robert, I really think that you need to‐‐

Robert nothing.

I understand that Bobby

has problems payin' attention.

What kid doesn't? I know I did.

Look, I'm an airplane!

Whoo!

Look, Neesee

before we go down Ritalin road

give me a chance to handle this on my own.

[imitating airplane]

[thuds]

Oh!

[laughing]

You got a week.

Check out my little bling bag.

When was the last time you saw a diamond this big?

Little John's tooth?

I gotta hand it to you, Turtle.

This is a solid plan, no paper trail on this one.

Jonelle will never be able to trace this.

Nice diamond you got there, fellas.

Must not be real if you're flashing it around like that.

Oh, trust me, old timer. This is real.

It cost me 20 Gs.

Really? Hand it over.

[laughing]

‐ What? ‐ This guy is trying to rob us!

‐ Whoa! ‐ Stop cracking wise, boys.

This is a stick‐up.

[laughing]

A stick‐up. Who are you, Jesse James?

Brace yourself, fool.

[elevator bell dings]

Aah!

[groans]

No, you didn't see nothin'.

[groaning]

[instrumental music]

Okay, now, how many words can we make out of crow?

[cawing]

‐ Bobby.. ‐ Okay.

‐ Row. ‐ Good.

‐ Cow. ‐ Excellent.

Can I get something to drink now?

Okay, I'll get you some water.

I want Kool‐Aid.

Okay, how about we compromise?

I'll get you some water in a red glass.

Well, hey, how's the homework coming?

Perfect. It just took a couple of days to structure.

Now I have a system.

I have lists, I have color‐coded itinerary.

I turned off the TV

and I cut back on his sugar.

Well, look, honey, come on, wait.

I know what you're trying to do

but you cannot sit with him all day every day.

Now, baby, have you given any more thought

to going back to Dr. Shapiro?

She is a professional.

We don't need her. I got this.

‐ Come see for yourself. ‐ Okay, alright.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's doing great.

He is going to ace janitorial school.

Daddy, look, I'm Harry Potter.

Bobby, what happened to your homework?

‐ You're a toad. ‐ Bobby, I am not a toad.

What happened to your homework?

Ribbit!

I can't understand you if you don't talk like a toad.

♪ Ribbit ribbit ribbit ♪

♪ Ribbit ribbit ribbit.. ♪♪♪

So how's Bobby doing?

Fine. He's wrestling with the word problems a little bit.

But then, you know, he got through it.

Boo. Now I'm a wrestler. I am The Rock, daddy.

Do you smell what I'm cooking?

[chuckling] Let go of me, Bobby.

Go to sleep.

[grunts]

[grunting]

Let go of me, Bobby.

Aw, that is so cute.

‐ One, two, three.. ‐ Help me.

‐ Oh! ‐ Oh, no, no, no.

Don't‐don't help him.

So are you ready to admit

that you need help helpin' Bobby?

‐ Yes. ‐ 'Yes.'

And can we take him back to Dr. Shapiro?

Yes.

‐ Come on. Come on. ‐ Ugh!

[chuckling]

Ooh..

I like Dr. Shapiro. She has fun toys.

[sighs] Okay, look.

Bobby, the reason why we took you to meet Dr. Shapiro

was because..

...um..

...you have this thing they call ADD.

♪ A‐D D‐D D‐D‐D.. ♪♪♪

Bobby.

You see how you get distracted

and it's hard for you to pay attention?

Yeah. Wait, what?

Baby, we're trying to tell you something important.

‐ Sorry. ‐ No, it's okay.

It's not your fault.

ADD is what makes you do that.

So what does that mean?

Sweetie, it just means that you're gonna have to try

a little harder than the other kids sometimes

but, you know what, you're such a smart boy

we know you can do it.

Really? So am I gonna be okay?

No, you're gonna be great 'cause you already are.

[chuckles] And we all have challenges.

You know, have you seen your daddy dance?

Check this out, check this out.

Ah, ah, okay, okay. Have you ever seen your mama try to sing?

She sound like a baby being spanked with a cat.

Okay. O‐okay, you guys. You guys.

We're getting a little off topic, right?

So let's just show Bobby we can focus.

Alright, you're right. You're right, baby, you right.

Listen, Bobby

there's two things that you need to know.

One, we're gonna help you through this.

Two, I'm The Rock.

[growls]

[grunting]

Okay, I will need a description of your assailant.

Alright, lemme see, uh..

He was a big guy.

About 240.

He had a gun..

...and a tattoo on his arm that said

I hate the cops!

Your friend, the little weird guy described him

as a frailer Tony Randall.

And he noticed a MedicAlert bracelet.

Well, it all happened so fast, I mean..

Right. And what was the value of the property?

What? I don't care how much it was.

Yeah, right, like, women aren't always constantly tallying up

their man's net worth. You know what I'm talkin' about?

I don't appreciate your misogynistic undertones, buddy.

Yeah, I don't care how much money you have.

That is not why I married you.

Why you married me, then? You're not pregnant, are you?

No, Dirk.

I don't want your money or your baby.

Really? Cool.

Now then, the value of the property, sir?

Now, you will report this to my insurance company, right?

Yes.

Fifty thousand dollars.

And a Rolex.

[theme music]