Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Hey, big fella, hurry up. You're gonna be late for school.

Man, I don't know if I should take you to school

or release you into the wild.

It's when I went for my last night sleepover.

All the cool kids get to wear antlers to school.

Yeah. Son, here's a tip.

If the kids are wearing antlers..

...they're probably not the cool ones.

So, why don't you take yours off and go get your knapsack?

Okay.

‐ Hey. ‐ Hey.

You left so quickly last night

I forgot to give you Bobby's Shamu pillow.

So...how was the rest of your evening?

Not much happened after you left.

I just washed some plates

realized they were paper.

Threw them out and went to bed.

‐ You? ‐ Oh, me?

Um, let's see. What did I do after that?

Um...drove home, almost hit a pole

watched some TV.

That was really weird what happened last night, Neesee.

I don't know what that was. It was definitely weird.

I think we need to talk about some things.

Yeah. Start talking.

Well, I felt like when you started telling me about‐‐

(Bobby) 'I'm ready!'

Mommy.

Hey, you have fun at your sleepover.

‐ Okay. ‐ And we'll talk after work?

Dinner?

Dinner?

Dinner.

Dinner.

Dinner.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's all of us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

Do you know that penguins mate for life?

Did you?

They find one

one special penguin

and they just waddle on down that icy aisle.

When is it gonna be my turn to do the waddle, huh?

Come on, Jonelle, when? When?

Okay, I still don't understand what happened last night.

So, what? You go over to Robert's.

And you looked good, girl. I saw you.

‐ You did look good. ‐ I know. I know.

And you tell him you wanna back him. What did he say?

He said he needs some time.

He needs some time?

Okay, I got time. Time to egg his car.

If you want me to, girl, I could do that for you.

‐ Jonelle. ‐ Yeah.

You are such a good friend, girl.

Oh. You know what? Here he comes.

I don't want him to know I'm upset, so, be nice, okay?

I'm always nice.

Hey, Bobby.

Are you ready to make some blubber mitts?

‐ I brought my Crisco. ‐ Okay, good.

You can put it right over there.

‐ Okay. ‐ Okay.

Oh, so the Crisco is for blubber mitts.

Yeah.

Oh, I just thought you had some

ashy Eskimos around here.

[both laughing]

No, see, we use man‐made fats to simulate

the protective lipid coating in the epidermis of mammals

that dwell in sub‐zero weather.

Jerk!

‐ Hey. ‐ Hey!

Good morning. How are you doing?

‐ Fine. ‐ Me too. Same here.

Fine. Fine. Fine.

You know, why wouldn't I be?

Sleepin' on Jonelle's couch, you know?

Like we did back in college, you know?

Yeah, and I just love college.

‐ Yeah, a‐about last night. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

I just wanted to make sure you understood

where I was coming from.

Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

You need time.

Time, time, time.

Time.

Okay.

Then I guess I'll see you in the morning.

[imitating Robert] "Then I guess I'll see you in the morning."

‐ Did you say something? ‐ Huh? No.

Have a pleasant day.

Bye, bye now.

[imitating Robert] "Did you say something?"

Suddenly, it's starting to get a little chilly around here.

Yeah. Welcome to Alaska.

Jerk.

[instrumental music]

Dirk, what are you doing?

Uh, Jonelle asked me to chose between these

two centerpieces. Which one do you like?

They look the same to me. They're both flowers.

They couldn't be more different, man.

This one is Cymbidium Orchids

braided through Lavender Hydrangea.

And this one is Hybrid Tea Roses

nestled around a Florentine votive candle.

You wanna take your skirt off for a minute?

‐ I need to talk to you, bruh. ‐ Not now, man.

I'm up to my ears in this wedding crap.

Jonelle got me picking up kente cloth cummerbund

from Black Groom.

Why I gotta be a black groom, huh?

I can't just be a groom?

Look, it's about Neesee and Johnny.

They broke up, Dirk.

I won the pool? Yes!

How's Johnny takin' it?

Well, I didn't talk to him yet.

But Neesee is takin' it pretty hard.

When I was over her place last night, she told me

but there's been this strange energy in the air.

So, we're gonna go out

to dinner tonight and talk about it.

What's there to talk about?

You can't yell to her while

she's backin' out of your driveway.

You know how criminals get caught, bro?

They return to the scene of the crime.

You never go back.

You run, you hide

go Bin Laden on your ex.

You'd never see me having dinner with an ex.

I'm out committing a new crime.

The only crime you're committin' is asking a grown‐ass man

to help you pick out flowers.

Hey, man, make all the jokes you want

but take my advice, alright?

The marriage is dead.

Dump the body, wipe your prints off the gun

and move on.

I'm talkin' about his ex‐wife.

She's still alive.

Y'all ain't got nothin' on me.

You can't pin nothin' on me.

OJ messed it up for everybody.

[instrumental music]

(female narrator on TV) Polar bears can be found

on the Arctic steppes of Alaska.

The largest land carnivore, the polar bear, can be ..

‐ Hey. ‐ Hey.

Snacks for the kids?

[gasps]

Eskimo pies.

‐ Stickin' with my theme. ‐ Whatever.

Now, if you're done sending me on errands, I'm gonna go home.

No, baby, we gotta go over some things for the wedding.

We don't need to talk about the wedding every single minute.

Well, don't you wanna be involved?

Surprise me. That'll involve me.

I don't really care about planning the wedding.

I don't care about what kinda flower

sit at the table.

I'm tired of looking at menus

and there's no way in the world

I'm wearing a dashiki.

Okay, fine.

Wear the white man's garments.

Yeah, like that fake fur hat was made in the motherland.

(female narrator) ...are potentially threatened species

that live in the..

Bobby, will you be my friend again?

You can use some of my crayons.

I'm drawing with Jill now.

Her crayons are better than yours.

Bobby. Now, come on, don't be mean.

I asked Allison to play with me earlier.

She said no.

You snoozed, you losed.

Ms. Jewel, make Bobby play with me.

Come here. Let me talk to you.

Now, look, girl.

You cannot make a man do what you want him to do

if he doesn't want to do it.

Why not?

Because that's just how men are, okay?

They don't understand us.

No, they think if a woman has second thoughts

then she doesn't have feelings for them at all.

I don't understand.

Well, it doesn't make any sense to me, either.

I have to potty.

Oh, okay, girl, you go ahead now.

And, hey, we can talk some more when you get back, okay?

Wash your hands.

[instrumental music]

Okay, this is weird.

Us sitting here, getting along, being nice.

You even pulled my chair out for me.

Well, actually, I pulled it out for me.

You just sat down first.

[laughing]

But you're right. It is weird.

I mean, if you would've told me a year ago

that we'd be sitting here and not arguin'

I wouldn't have believed you.

[scoffs] A year ago? Try a month.

Please, a week.

Shoot! Forty‐eight hours.

[laughing]

Looks like you two are havin' a good time.

It's nice to see a young couple laughin' again, huh?

‐ We're not a couple. ‐ I see a spark.

Hang in there, young man.

I think you can wear her down.

Can you believe he thought we were a couple?

[chuckling] Yeah!

That's ridiculous. I mean, what would people say?

Our friends, our parents.

Our attorneys.

Our son.

He'd be real confused, huh?

Nah. No, he wouldn't.

At least that's what we tell ourselves after our appearance

on "Jerry Springer."

Yeah, like I'd appear on anything but "Oprah."

[both laughing]

I forgot how you used to make me laugh.

I forgot you laughed.

I remember that look though.

Not bad.

Two smiles in two years.

Two reasons in two years.

[laughing]

You guys make a really cute couple.

‐ Thanks. ‐ Thank you.

[instrumental music]

You didn't tell that waitress we weren't a couple.

Neither did you.

[chuckles]

No, no, no, no, no. You got..

You got something stuck in your teeth.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, Neesee, did I tell you Little Kim is doing

my show next week?

Mm‐hmm.

Yeah, I really think she's gonna bring

a younger audience to the show.

Mm‐hmm.

Neesee, I'm talkin' to you.

Just because I'm linin' my lips

don't mean my ears stopped working.

I'm sorry, you know, it's just, uh..

You know, when I'm talking to you, I think you make

eye contact just to acknowledge..

Neesee.

What? I'm listening.

You're sorry. Go ahead.

‐ Let's go. ‐ Okay, I'm looking at you.

‐ We don't have to go. ‐ No, there's a better table.

Come on, let's go.

Ah!

[guffaws]

Sucker!

I can't believe he gave up the best table

in the restaurant.

‐ They were done. ‐ Yeah. Sure, they were.

Look at him. He's all jealous because he ma..

[guffaws]

Why do you always do this?

Do what?

Tryin' to make life better for us?

Neesee, over there, we were under the air‐conditioner

next to the bathroom. Over here, we have all the space.

To do what? Play duck, duck, goose?

No, but you could, because of me.

You're welcome.

Talkin' to me all casual and non‐relationship like, hm.

Mr. Robert better recognize.

Talk about he don't want the invitation in Swahili.

Dirk better act right.

Jonelle, guess what?

Bobby won't play with Allison.

I'm telling you, these vindictive James men.

I swear, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Tia, I made you a heart.

(Tia) Aw!

‐ Oh! Oh, my God. ‐ Oops.

Sorry, Tia

I just ripped your heart in half.

[squeals]

Are you guys ready to order?

Absolutely. Neesee?

‐ Go ahead. ‐ I'll have the coq au vin.

‐ Ma'am? ‐ Is the filet de sole fresh?

Yes, ma'am, all of our fish is fresh.

When was it caught?

Yeah. When was my chicken's neck snapped?

What difference does it make, Neesee?

I like it fresh.

Ma'am, all of our fish is delivered every morning.

Sounds a little rehearsed.

I'll take the filet mignon.

And how would you like that prepared?

Dead.

Just bring it.

He's gone, Jonelle. It's all my fault.

Just leave me alone. I wanna crawl in here and die.

Oh, no. Oh! No.

I got somethin' to make you feel better.

‐ Look. ‐ What?

I fixed your heart.

Aw!

See? And it still works. Dub, dub.

Dub, dub. Dub, dub.

Habari gani?

[yowls]

Look how handsome my African king is.

Take a good, long look, alright?

'Cause I'm not gettin' married in this.

You're stepping on my heart.

Oh!

[squeals]

But, baby, you look...good.

Hey, hey. Some brothers can rock this.

I'm not one of 'em.

Okay.

Now I'm going home, 'cause I'm feeling

a breeze in between my legs.

No. No, no, no. We got some other stuff to go over.

Jonelle, I know weddings, alright?

I've had three.

All they are is a big hassle.

Okay, so, what, you get three and I don't get any?

No, I want us to have a special day.

But for all that money and aggravation

we might as well buy a house.

Dirk...a house?

Yeah, okay, okay, okay!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I didn't say I was gonna buy a house.

What conversation are you having?

What the hell, I mean, a wedding's over in a day.

A house will have us arguin' forever.

Oh, my baby, thank you!

Hey, uh..

...the cafeteria's empty.

You wanna go play, uh, cranky lunch lady

and the lonely African chef?

Hey!

Are you two sharing your crayons again?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Yeah.

That's right. Get your man, girl.

Work it.

Guess what?

Dirk and I are gonna skip the big wedding

and buy a big house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's nice to know.

But, look, check this out.

Bobby and Allison are sharing their crayons.

Oh, yeah, let's talk about that.

No, no, no, don't you see?

He took her back, okay?

Like I said earlier, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I'm telling you, I'm feeling some "get back together" energy.

It's a sign.

Psst!

Has he been drinking?

Girl, he's just trying to stir up some trouble.

[instrumental music]

Is your wine okay?

Did it have enough time to breathe?

Does it taste like the oak of the barrel?

Actually, they gave it to me in the wrong glass.

That's a white wine glass.

[scoffs] Please.

Neesee, ten years ago, you were drinkin' wine

out the can.

Ten years ago, you thought coq au vin

was a breakfast cereal.

Touche. I'm sorry, alright? Look, I..

You just want the food the way you want it.

I can't be mad at that.

And you just wanna sit where you wanna sit.

And I can't be mad at that.

So let's just pretend like nothing happened

and enjoy our meal.

Consider it enjoyed.

One coq au vin and one poulet au beurre.

Mm..

Oh, excuse me.

I didn't know this will be drenched in butter.

Could you take this back?

I got it.

There.

[tittering]

Uh, could you take this back please

and bring some fresh bread?

Ah, come on. Now I'm gonna be late.

Late for what?

I have to get back to the studio.

I am doin' a story that I have to edit.

If you had to work, why did you make plans?

I'm sorry if the news doesn't happen

when you want it to happen, Neesee.

I am a entertainment reporter.

I am on the job 24/7 to keep my public informed.

Of what?

"Hey, public, this just in.

"Lil' Kim has a new thong.

Peace, to you."

You don't be complaining when you be cashin' them checks.

Oh, no, don't make this about the money.

This is just like when we we're married.

You wanted to work all the time to make the money

to make me happy, when all I wanted

was for you to make it home.

But your job was your priority.

What's your priority, Neesee, hm? Hm?

[imitating Neesee] "There's too much butter in my chicken?"

Huh? Don't order the butter chicken, Neesee!

Here is your poulet au beurre.

Is there anything else I can get for you?

Mm‐hm.

Better company.

So, now's a bad time.

Yeah, it's always a bad time with us.

That's why I left you.

That's why I left you emotionally.

[scoffs]

Well, if this is gonna make you feel better, Robert

why don't you get me back, hm?

Why don't you walk out on me this time

and let me enjoy my dinner in peace?

To you.

Hell no. 'Cause this table ain't just for you, Neesee.

This is my table too.

Now, why don't you leave?

[chuckles] I ain't goin' anywhere.

I know because I drove.

Well, now, how's my favorite couple?

‐ Keep on walking, dawg. ‐ Mind your own business.

[instrumental music]

So...tell me, girl

what was your secret, huh?

How did you win him back?

I know he only had crayons

so I gave him my markers.

The fruity kind.

Markers..

...fruity kind.

Mm‐hmm. Then what?

How much extra credit am I getting for this again?

Just keep talkin'.

Okay, so, I wanted to go on the slide..

Mm‐hmm.

And he didn't agree..

[theme music]