Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[beating eggs]

Where did Tia go?

‐ What happened? ‐ Nothing.

Tia and I are playin' a new game.

It's called "Pack your stuff and leave."

And right now, she's it.

[egg cracks]

Well, are you at least gonna pick the shells out?

Neesee, can a brother put shells

in his eggs in his own house

without his ex‐wife jumping down his back?

‐ Hi, mommy. ‐ Hey, baby.

‐ Daddy, where's Tia? ‐ Tia, who?

Uh, Tia Tia?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That Tia.

Um, she went out, son.

But Tia said she'd sew a patch on my jeans.

‐ Oh, baby, I'll do it. ‐ No, no, I'll do it. Thank you.

Hey, son, why don't you go upstairs

and get dressed for school?

And brush your teeth, alright?

Tongue all lookin' like you've been lickin' butter.

Okay, I do a tongue check

on that boy every morning.

So, now, what's really goin' on?

What's really goin' on?

Tia left because you keep interfering

in our lives, Neesee.

I just got here.

Don't blame me 'cause Tia's gone.

Alright, for your information, Tia's not gone.

Tia left.

There's a difference.

Marvin Gaye is gone.

Jesus...left.

Well, Robert, don't eat those because there's still shells..

[crunching]

...in them.

It's perfect 'cause..

...my throat was scratchin'

a‐and i‐it itched it

on the, on the way down.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's all of us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

Hello? Yeah.

I'd like to order a dozen red roses..

...and a "I'm sorry" balloon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, a‐and the card should read

"I miss you, Thick'ums.

Love, your pooty bear."

No, man, not booty bear.

That's stupid.

It's pooty bear with a "P."

Right, and "Thick'ums" is spelled

"Thick" apostrophe "Ums."

Thank you.

‐ What's up, man? ‐ Oh, heh‐hey, what..

What's up, Dirk? How long you've been standin' there, man?

Oh, I just got here..

...pooty bear.

Why you sendin' Tia flowers, man?

Because I'm romantic like that.

I mean, you know, I know how to take care of my woman.

Oh, yeah? Well, can't you take care of her at your house?

She came over to Jonelle's last night, interrupted our game

of Peepin' Tom and Lady In The Shower.

Oh, okay, so, so, so, your idea of foreplay

is lurkin' outside of your condo?

Who said I was the peepin' Tom?

Now, I need a shower.

Hey, man. I'm sorry to hear about you and Tia.

‐ How you holdin' up? ‐ Yo, it's pretty bad, D.

You know, we've had arguments in the past

but this is the first time she ever left.

‐ That's good news. ‐ Why?

Marvin Gaye is gone.

Jesus left.

[cellphone rings]

This Jonelle, man, she blowin' me up, man.

Tryin' to keep me in a cage, man. You can't tame a tiger.

See what happened to Siegfried's boy.

You know what? You need to stop frontin', man.

You know you love that girl.

Always talkin' about how she

gives your goatee hot oil treatments.

Oh, yeah, I could pass a comb through it now.

Yeah, Tia used to do sweet things.

We used to lie in the bed, and..

...she would read to me.

Oh, really? Dirty stuff?

No. "Tuesdays With Morrie."

‐ Was she naked? ‐ No.

‐ Were you naked? ‐ No.

Was Morrie naked?

No, stupid.

Man, don't ever tell me a story

where nobody get naked at the end.

[upbeat music]

[swing squeaks]

‐ Ooh! ‐ 'Hey!'

I have a special delivery for a Thick'ums.

‐ Oh. ‐ Somebody misses you.

Oh, I miss Robert, too.

But it's not about me and him.

It's about me and him and Neesee.

Ooh, here. Take my picture.

I send one to Dirk every time I think about him.

Alright.

‐ You ready? ‐ Okay, mm‐hm.

Say "Stupid."

Hater. Give my stuff.

‐ Neesee? ‐ Hey, Tia.

I, um, forgot to give Bobby his coat.

You know how unpredictable LA weather could be.

Yeah, 'cause one second it's 86

and the next, is a frosty 85.

‐ Hey, mommy. ‐ Oh! Oh, hey, baby.

[chuckles]

I, uh, I brought your coat.

I don't need a coat, it's warm outside.

Ooh‐oo‐ooh, I'm gettin' a chill.

You better put this on before you catch a cold.

But I don't want to.

Bobby, put this coat on.

Now, go play with your friends.

Um, look, Tia, I'm gonna be honest with you.

Um, I talked to Robert today, and he seems to think

the break‐up has something to do with me.

Now, if I've said or done anything

that may have crossed the line, I truly apologize.

Well, thank you, Neesee.

‐ I appreciate that. ‐ You're welcome.

You and Robert belong together.

And I don't want you to give up on him because of me.

We have the rest of our lives to figure this out.

I'm glad we talked.

I'll be seein' you.

[sighs] Yep.

Don't I know it.

[cell phone beeps]

Hey, it's me.

Yes, I got them. That was very sweet.

Listen, do you mind if I come by tonight?

Mommy, am I supposed to hear my heart beating?

Oh!

[instrumental music]

Yeah.

Yo! I got the rose petals like you asked.

‐ Cool. ‐ So, what's the game plan, huh?

You're gonna dip 'em in honey

and stick 'em all over her body?

Who would like that?

Yeah, that's nasty.

Check this out, dawg.

Tia's comin' over, I'mma put my mack down strong

give her a little kiss, make up

and your boy is back in the game.

Huh? I'm sorry. Jonelle sent me another picture.

Is that her blowin' you a kiss?

Yeah. It's corny, right?

Yeah, very.

I saw that.

So you really like this girl, huh?

Yup. That's why I gotta dump her.

But you just said you liked her.

I know, that's why I gotta dump her.

I told you, man, I need my freedom.

I'm like a pit bull on a chain.

I gotta run free.

[knock on door]

That's Tia. Bounce.

Hey.

What is all this?

[Robert humming]

‐ A little make up dinner. ‐ Oh..

Okay, well, um..

This isn't a date.

I just came by to get the rest of my things.

Yeah, I‐I‐I know, but, you know, y‐you said

you needed a little bit of time to sort things out

and...now that you've sorted things out by yourself

it's time for you to fluff and fall with me.

I love you, Tia.

I never doubted your love for me.

Then don't doubt it now.

Come on, Robert, I don't think‐‐

Don't think.

Remember.

You're not makin' this any easier.

Look, I need to pack.

Alright, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Alright, cool, cool, y‐y‐you can pack any time

but I mean, look, a brother went through a lot of trouble here.

You know, I got the scrumps

and everything goin', yeah?

Can I feel you for five seconds?

Of course, of course.

Mm.

Is that my favorite cologne?

Ooh, yeah, that's that Burberry.

Ooh, okay, I've got to go.

You still love me?

Of course, I do.

But, um..

...this doesn't change anything.

‐ 'Course, it doesn't. ‐ Of course, it doesn't.

‐ Okay. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ On the couch or on the bed? ‐ Bed is better.

‐ Right. ‐ Yeah.

[upbeat music]

(Robert) Baby?

Could you get me some Gatorade while you're in there?

'Cause my electrolytes are dangerously low

after last night.

Oh! Ooh!

Tia, what's goin' on? What are you doin'?

Look, Robert, I love you.

But what happened last night..

...doesn't change anything.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Oh. Sorry.

[doorbell dings]

Come in.

Hey, dad!

Hey, what's up, big fella?

Hey, how's everything

with the T‐I‐A

S‐I‐T‐U‐A‐T‐I‐O‐N?

‐ Um.. ‐ What Tia situation?

Oh, um..

Oh, well, son, um..

You know how Bob the Builder and Wendy are best friends?

Actually, Bob's best friend

is Roley the Steamroller.

Okay, alright, uh, well, my point is‐‐

They're all best friends, really.

On this one episode

Roley smashed Farmer Pickles' tractor

so it looked like a starfish.

‐ It was really funny. ‐ Yeah, anyway‐‐

Did you know if you cut off a starfish's arm

it'll grow back?

I mean, not immediately

but it will.

‐ That's‐‐ ‐ Can people do that?

If I cut off your arm, will it grow back?

Bobby, why don't you go upstairs?

Okay.

[chuckles]

Is everything okay?

Thanks for dropping Bobby off, Neesee.

Tia didn't come back?

Robert, do you wanna talk about it?

No, it's weird talkin'

about my problems with my ex‐fiancee

with my ex‐wife.

I'm not just your ex‐wife.

Oddly enough, I still consider us friends.

‐ Yeah. ‐ Thanks, Neesee.

But, oddly enough

I still consider you my ex‐wife.

I understand.

Tia keeps sayin' she needs more time

to...think about this.

Robert, this is an odd situation

for any woman to come into.

I mean, hell, I couldn't do it, and I'm me.

Yeah, but there's got to be a easier solution

than Tia leavin'.

Yeah, it is.

Me leaving.

But I'm not goin' anywhere.

So, what do I do?

You give Tia what she's begging for.

Time.

When I left, I asked you for a couple of days

you gave me a couple of hours.

You are a bugaboo, Robert.

Don't be a bugaboo.

Oh, a purse from Louis Vuitton won't hurt.

‐ That's good advice. ‐ No, that's common sense.

Shoes to match is good advice.

Thank you, Neesee.

You're welcome...bugaboo.

[instrumental music]

[cell phone rings]

Tia?

Hello?

[cell phone rings]

Hello?

[chuckling]

Hello?

You know what?

While you're playin' on the phone

why don't you call Unemployment?

Okay, look. Turtle, I'm, I‐I'm sorry, man.

It's, it's been two weeks, when is she gonna call, man?

I'm supposed to be the strong one in the relationship.

I can imagine what kind of shape she's in.

Hm.

I know how emotional women can be.

No, I don't.

Robert, we got a problem.

Jonelle's goin' to a club and Tia is goin' with her.

‐ What? Let's go get 'em, man. ‐ Let's go.

[both laughing]

You know I got bad ankles, man, why you got me runnin'?

Because I don't care, Dirk.

You don't get it, do you? You're gonna lose your girl.

Tia shouldn't be up in some club.

You know where she should be?

In the corner of her shower

curled up in a fetal position cryin'

'cause the two of you aren't together.

Dirk, why does all your stories have to end

with a woman curled up cryin' in the shower?

Reboundin' with some random dude

is not Tia's style, alright?

Yo, I'm not worried about Tia, I'm worried about the guys

at the club, guys who prey

on emotionally distraught, good‐lookin' women.

Guys like me.

Yeah, there's nothin' I like more

than pickin' up insecure hot chicks.

Can a brother try and fit in?

Forget him. We got bigger fish to fry.

Jonelle sent me a picture of them on the way out the door.

Look what your girl got on? Ta‐dow!

Oh! Shotgun.

I don't know, Jonelle, I don't feel right bein' here.

I told Robert I need time to think.

Go, girl, think.

Think it like it's hot.

I'm Hale, Capricorn.

And I love women who love to dance.

Come on, let me get a little growl.

[growls]

All hell is about to break loose

'cause hallelujah, you fine.

I'mma go get us some drinks.

I'll get you.

[upbeat music]

Oh, hell yeah! That's my jam.

‐ Come on here, girl. ‐ No!

There she is.

Look like you the only man givin' her space.

[music continues]

Oh, my God. Robert.

Um, excuse me.

Okay, hey, now! Stop that!

‐ Switch! ‐ Nasty!

Tia, we need to talk.

Dirk! You came to be with me.

That's so sweet. Mwah.

Oh! Say, "Cheese."

Who are you sendin' the picture to? I'm right here.

Baby, we need to talk.

Okay. Well, what do we need to talk about?

So, what do we need to talk about?

Us, we belong together.

We don't belong together.

I don't wanna commit to a brand

of toothpaste, let alone a woman.

Well, I think we have somethin' special

and I don't wanna be with anyone else.

But I do.

I need to spread my wings and fly. I need my space.

I give you your space and you up in here gettin' your freak on

like you wasn't raised in a church.

Come on, Robert.

Tia, why are you sendin' me

all these mixed signals?

I think I've been sending you mixed signals.

‐ What are you saying? ‐ I'm saying..

You're still wearing the engagement ring.

If you wanna be with me..

...keep it on.

If not..

Well, I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to say.

I'm not a one‐woman man.

See, you think you don't want a commitment

but I think you do.

No, you do.

You're just scared.

And that's why you're gonna end up alone

and I just simply can't accept that.

Sorry.

[music continues]

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I can't believe she gave you the ring back.

Me neither.

I can't look at this.

You shouldn't have to.

I don't accept your non‐acceptance

to my lack of commitment.

I don't accept that.

Look, if I want to die alone, I can, alright?

If I wanna rub my own goatee, I can.

Look, I'm doin' it right now.

It just doesn't feel as good.

What I'm offerin'..

Here, marry me, girl.

I'm tired of bein' alone.

Oh..

Now, that I accept.

Thank you.

[chuckling]

[upbeat music]

♪ I'm gettin' married ♪

♪ I'm gettin' married ♪

♪ I'm gettin' married ♪

♪ I'm gettin' married ♪♪♪

♪ Hell if I care ♪

♪ Hell if I care ♪♪♪

[theme music]