All language subtitles for All.of.Us.S01E13.Used.Ta.Be.My.Girl.1080p.Hulu.WEB-DL.AAC.2.0.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

[upbeat music]

You know what? I'm declaring
today do‐nothing day.

[chuckles]

We work hard, right?

‐ We sure do.
‐ Mm‐hmm.

We should declare
do‐just‐one‐thing day.

Oh.

[chuckles]

Which is, wash your feet

in some sculpt soap.

No way! Ha‐ha‐ha‐ha!

[telephone ringing]

(Robert on answering machine)
'Hey, it's us,
and us ain't pickin' up.'

'So leave a message.'

(man on answering machine)
'Ti‐Ti, it's your boy callin'.'

‐ Who's your boy?
‐ Oh, come on.

You know who that is.
That's Larry.

That's just my best friend
from always.

Come on, let me talk to him.
Watch out. Watch out.

‐ Larry?
‐ Yeah, hello?

Where have you been? Mm‐hmm.

Tomorrow?
Oh, okay then, Othello.

This is your Desdemona
bidding you adieu.

[chuckles]
Okay, bye.

‐ Mm, Desdemona?
‐ Oh, yeah.

That's just a little drama club
thing we used to do, that's all.

Well, let's get back
to that thing that we do, huh?

Oh, well, I'm sorry, baby,
I gotta start cleaning up.

‐ Come on.
‐ Oh‐oh‐oh, baby, baby..

What happened
to do‐just‐one‐thing day?

Well, it just became
do‐it‐yourself day.

‐ I'm sorry, baby. Sorry.
‐ Oh.

‐ 'Sorry.'
‐ You gonna do me like that?

‐ Yeah, I'll be back. I gotta‐‐
‐ Huh?

You gonna do me like that?

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is
to be a family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪
♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter on TV]

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

‐ What the.. Hey, Bobby.
‐ Yeah?

Do daddy a favor.
Go unplug the vacuum cleaner.

‐ Hey!
‐ It was his idea.

‐ Snitch.
‐ Baby, come on.

I gotta get this place
cleaned all up for Larry.

‐ I'll help you.
‐ Oh, thank you, Bobby.

Okay, just come over here
and help me sweep.

That'd be great.

‐ Mommy!
‐ Hey, Cinderfella.

Your wicked stepmother
put you to work?

Oh, now, come on, honey,
don't play

with your mommy's ride home.

‐ Neesee, what you doin' here?
‐ Remember?

I asked if I can use your
kitchen to prepare my samples

for the LA food festival?

Well, hold on,
I need to use the kitchen

for my friend
who's coming to town tonight.

Oh, don't worry about it, we'll
be out of your way by 3:00.

‐ We?
‐ Hey, everybody. I made it.

I think somebody walked through
your flower garden.

You got some tacky friends.

Uh, Neesee,
what's wrong with your kitchen?

Nothing. I just needed
more than one oven.

Besides, I didn't wanna cook
the salmon in my house.

It makes the place
smell like fish.

Oh, okay, great.

Next week I'll just come over
to your place

and just fry up a skunk.

[doorbell rings]

‐ Can I get it?
‐ Ask who it is.

Who it is?

‐ No. Who is it?
‐ I don't know, dad.

‐ 'It's me.'
‐ Ha! Oh!

Out, strumpet!
Weep'st thou for him to my face?

Oh, banish me, oh, lord,
but kill me not!

‐ Down, strumpet!
‐ Oh! Oh! Aw!

[both laughing]

‐ Othello!
‐ Desdemona!

‐ Hey, Larry, you look good.
‐ You look good, too, Ti‐Ti.

Damn, girl. Whoo!

Ti‐Ti?

[clears throat]

Hey, now. Ha‐ha.

Wazzup? Ha‐ha. Alright.

‐ Okay.
‐ Oh, oh. I'm sorry.

Hey, Larry,
this is my fiance, Robert.

‐ And this is Bobby Junior.
‐ Wazzup, man?

I thought your name was Othello.

‐ Oh, that was back in the day.
‐ Oh, man.

Drama club, high school,
that was the bomb, right?

Do you remember the time
you had that big hoop skirt on

and you were doing
your Sojourner Truth monologue?

And you got so caught up in it

that you tripped
and fell off the stage

screaming, "Hey, now, woman."

And with your skirt
all up around your head

a brother yells out,
"You sure is"

with your drawers showing.

[laughs]

Hey, on the phone you said
you had some kinda news.

What, you and Donna got engaged?

No, no, we broke up.

‐ What?
‐ Yeah.

I thought she was the one.

Yeah, the one

with mental problems.

The one turned out
to be the two.

Mm.

And I bet you wouldn't
turn your back on either of 'em.

I never closed my eyes
around that girl, man.

I ain't got a good sleep
till I was on the plane.

Well, I tell you what,
it's gonna be better tonight

'cause we're gonna make up
the guest room for you.

Thanks.

Well, make yourself at home,
man.

Hi, I'm Neesee.

Everybody else does.

[instrumental music]

Robert‐o,
what are we doing tonight, man?

Nothing, if you keep
callin' me Robert‐o.

What's goin' on, man?
What we doin'?

I was gonna invite you
to dinner tonight.

‐ Tia's cooking.
‐ Oh.

Thanks for the heads‐up.

I'll eat before I get there.

Tia's got a friend in town.

Oh, you gonna hook
your boy up. Alright.

‐ She better be fun.
‐ Actually, she is a he.

They've been friends
since they were kids.

And they're still friends?

Oh, he's gay?

Women love gay dudes, man.
It's like a purse.

Every chick's gotta have one,
right?

[laughing]

Actually, he's straight.

And have you been retarded
since birth?

Or are you a late bloomer?

Come on, what are you talking
about now, Dirk?

Come on, man,
it's a known biological fact

that a man cannot sustain
a friendship with a woman

without wanting to, trying to

or actually
getting to have sex with her.

Stop me if I'm makin' any sense.

Okay, don't stop me,
I'll be happy to keep talking‐‐

I'll stop you.

With today's advances in cloning

and the move towards
asexual reproduction

a few years from now,
we'll neither be their friends

nor their lovers.

We'll merely be hood ornaments

on their sexual Bentleys.

‐ Sorry.
‐ Okay.

Look, man. Tia's known this guy
since she was three.

He's never made a move,
they're just friends.

Yeah, okay. Just friends, huh?

My ex had one of those
just friends.

Came to town for a visit,
had to stay with us

she kept saying,
"Trust me, trust me."

And I did
'cause I'm one of those

modern enlightened brothers,
you know?

Do you know it wasn't 24 hours

before I was in bed
with that girl?

‐ What's the point, Dirk?
‐ You can't trust people.

[instrumental music]

Wow, seeing you in this kitchen
is like deja vu

except the part of me helping,
that's like deja‐freaky.

Well, at least Robert and I
are gettin' along better now.

Funny how divorce brings
people closer together.

Except you and Hakeem.
You went old school.

Divorce drove you apart.

Well, actually, we've opened up
our channels of communication.

Ooh? You and drop the kids
off at the curb and honk Hakeem?

‐ Can you believe it?
‐ How'd that happen?

Well, it's funny, you know,
he came by the other night

when the kids weren't there

and we start talkin'
and laughin'

and then I say to him,
"Shut up, you big ol' goof."

Then he goes, "Girl, you crazy."

And I walk away
and he comes after me

and then let me think
of what happened.

Oh, yeah, we did it.

Shut up. Girl,
you can't hook up with your ex.

You quit him for a reason.

That's like buying a used car
from yourself.

You rode it, you burned out
the clutch, jacked the stereo

and then put it
on the side of the road.

Then you convince some damn fool
to buy it.

And guess what?
That damn fool was you.

Uh, what are you guys
still doing here?

I thought you were gonna be
finished at 3:00.

Oh, did I say p. m.?

‐ Girl, I was trippin'.
‐ Mm‐hmm, you were.

You know, I'm starting to feel
a little used

so...leave us
some of those treats

and we can call it even.

Okay.

Mm.

Damn, Tia, you got it
smelling good in here.

Well, actually,
it's Neesee's, it's..

And, honey, they're not finished

so we're gonna have to go out
to eat.

We get to go out?

I mean, damn.

The one time it smelled good
in this place.

By the way,
just try to leave my kitchen

the way you found it, okay?

Don't worry, I won't leave

a trace of good food
in this muck.

[instrumental music]

‐ Ha‐ha. No way.
‐ No, no. I gotta hear it.

[indistinct chatter]

Now, look, look,
so it's 1987, right?

And Tia is dating
this big muscular dude

named Lyskin Ivan, right?

And he broke her heart, right?
So I stepped to the dude.

You know, 'cause I'm feeling
real confident.

I just got my yellow belt
in karate, right?

[laughing]

So I said,
"My man, this is for Tia."

Boom!

‐ Then what happened?
‐ Lyskin Ivan said..

"Huah! I was waiting for this!"

And kicked me dead in my eye.

[laughing]

I had a swoosh on my cheek
for, like, a month.

[laughing]
On that note

I'm gonna go dump this food.

‐ You guys are still here?
‐ Mm‐hmm.

Oh, thank God, 'cause that food
at the restaurant was nasty.

Oh.. Hey, hey, hey,
that's not for you.

Hey, it's my house,
my stove, my food.

‐ We dropped that on the floor.
‐ My floor.

This has been
such a great night.

Yeah. It calls for a toast.

Let me do the honors.

It's great to be here
with my new friends

and my oldest friend
in the world.

Tia, we grew up
on the same block

sat next to each other
in Sunday school

even applied
to the same colleges.

[sighs]
We've been through
everything together.

And when you left for LA
after graduation..

...you broke my heart.

'You know,
sometimes I still even, uh'

wash my hair with Pert

so that my pillow
will smell like you.

[sniffs]

Yeah, that's it, that's it.

I mean, for years

we've been the best of friends

but truth is

I always wished
there would be more.

I always wanted it to be
my ring on your finger

in‐in‐in‐instead of homies and..

I guess what I'm trying to say
is that..

...I've always loved you.

So, um...cheers.

Cheers!

Drink up, brah.
It's gonna be a long night.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

My man, look‐‐

You know what, sweetie,
I got this.

Handle it.

How come you never told me
how you felt?

[sighs]
I was waiting
for the right time.

Well, this wasn't it.

What you said
was completely inappropriate.

You disrespected our friendship,
you disrespected my relationship

and you disrespected this house.

‐ Tia, I just‐‐
‐ You know what, Larry, I just..

I feel like everything you've
ever said to me was a lie.

So if I had told you before,
would it have changed anything?

No, but at least
I would've known the truth.

You know, I can't even
look at you right now.

[clears throat]

Hey, look, my man.

I'mma try to be mature
about this

'cause I got a nice‐ass house

and I don't wanna mess up
my things.

So you got
a five‐minute head start

after that it's the fight club.

I don't want to fight you, man.

I told you what happened
with the Lyskin Ivan story.

Now I feel terrible, you know?

I just...had too much to drink.
You know, I..

I shouldn't be drinking anyway
while I'm on this medication.

‐ Medication?
‐ Yeah.

I‐I got this thing

this...this illness
that could kill me.

Oh, hell, no!

Not the illness
that could kill me.

I invented that line, man.

Let me guess, the only cure
is a romp in the sack with Tia?

I'm serious. I have
a life‐threatening illness.

You just gonna sit there
and let him lie in your face?

What if he's telling the truth,
Dirk?

Why would I lie?

Because you can blame anything

on a life‐threatening illness.

"Oh, my hand's on your ass.

"I got
a life‐threatening illness.

Oh, now it's on your breast,
I'mma die!"

Dirk, he doesn't look like
he's joking, man.

Please, Robert, I know the type.

Hell, I am the type.

You know how many times
I had SORS

just to get some action?

Why would you say
you have an infectious disease?

Don't be mad at me,
'cause he's bad at it than I am.

I'm tellin' the truth.

I was diagnosed six months ago

by the country's
top neurologist.

I've already been through
three rounds of treatment.

I'm on 50 milligrams
of Dilantin per day.

Let me see this.

Open it, man.

He legit.

Sorry, brah.

God bless you, man.

So you're trying to tell me
that you've never

slept with Robert
since the divorce?

Hell, no. Why would I do that
once I didn't have to?

I mean, did you see him
when he came in here?

He's nasty.

Chewin' with his mouth open.

Please, girl, you're just
tryin' to psych yourself

out of thinking that you don't

still want him sometimes.

Admit it, you thought about it.

[chuckles]
Don't try to make me a player

in your twisted little game.

Uh, wait a minute,
you're in here cooking

in your ex‐husband's house

where he lives
with his new fiancee.

They're on the other side
of that door and you're in here

cooking them treats
and you're trying to tell me

that I'm twisted? Please.

Cookin' in the kitchen
and cookin' in the bedroom

is two different things.

Look, cooking with gas
and cooking with ass

it's all the same thing.

I was going through
the photo albums

you know, thinking back
to the good old days

gettin' all misty‐eyed

and, well,
I just got a little emotional.

You know,
I had a moment of weakness

with the father
of my beloved children, okay?

Aw, girl.

Missed me with all that.

You was just horny.

Yeah, you're right.

Well, horny or not,
I'm never going back there

with Robert again.

‐ You know what I need?
‐ Does it require batteries?

I need a guy
who's not gonna look at me funny

when I go in to the store to buy
two pairs of Gucci sunglasses

because I feel like it.

You know, it's not about
the money, it's about the joy.

‐ Don't kill my joy.
‐ Fine.

No guy gets that, I mean,
some pretend they do

but they're just interested
in their joy, okay?

‐ Well, let's make a deal.
‐ Alright.

You won't criticize me
about banging around

with my ex‐husband's
pots and pans

and I won't criticize you
about banging around

with your ex‐husband.

‐ Okay, deal.
‐ Look at us.

We are pitiful.

We are sitting around here
talking about

"I do this with my ex‐husband

I do that with my ex‐husband."

Come on, if we were men,
we would not

be talking about nothing.

We would just be sittin' up,
watching the game

and sippin' on a brewski
without a care in the world.

And the doctor said that, uh

it's pressing against
my optic nerve.

Uh, uh, I think I left

some ice cream in the oven.

God bless.

Ah. Man!

Tia's gonna be devastated
by this.

Yeah, you know,
I'm gonna go tell her now.

You know, I don't think
that's a good idea.

You know, Tia's
in an emotional space right now.

I think I should smooth it over
with her first.

Yeah, but let me be the one
to tell her, you know, just..

Just to let her know
that I'm gonna get through this.

Okay.

Thanks.

Oh, baby, I'm so sorry.

This is the first time
you meet him

and this is what happened?

I could just kill him.

That might not be necessary.

Well, he really needs
to have his head examined.

‐ He did.
‐ Well, I don't care.

I mean, the whole thing
just gives me the creeps.

I mean, I used to walk around
in my underwear around him.

I told him everything.

And when we went camping,
he held the flashlight

while I peed, okay?

I just, I thought
he was my friend.

He still is, he..
He just has a problem.

What?

Look, I told him
that I wouldn't tell you this

so when you see him,
you have to promise to act

like you don't know.

I promise.

(Tia)
'Brain tumor?'

Hey, Larry.

How you doin'?

You alright, huh? You okay?

You good?
That's good, that's good.

Tia, I know you know.

Sorry, man.

I don't know what to do.

‐ I don't know what to say‐‐
‐ Ti‐Ti, it's cool.

If anybody should have a problem
with this

it should be me, and I don't.

Oh. Man, you're amazing. Ha‐ha.

And, look, if I made you feel
uncomfortable earlier, I'm sorry

because it was just something
I felt like

I needed to get off my chest.

I know it was inappropriate

and nothing could happen
between us.

Nothing could happen, right?

[knocking on door]

Dude.

A little tumor‐humor,
that's all.

Come on, just sit down. Alright?

Now look.

When you made that toast

that was just...shocking.

Alright,
and it just made me mad.

At least I understand
why you did, so..

I'm gonna help you
through this, okay?

But don't you ever, ever
keep anything from me again.

‐ Deal. Deal.
‐ Alright. Alright.

Now look, man,
I didn't come here for

all this emotional stuff.

‐ Okay.
‐ Come on.

I came to have fun.

We're gonna get the party
started right, alright?

Come on now..

Where you all goin'
with all the treats?

Dude.

Hey, baby, when I dropped Larry
off at the airport

he told me to give you this.

Oh, cool! Hey, hey.

Hey, you be Othello
and I'm gonna be Desdemona.

‐ I already know my lines.
‐ Oh, alright.

Let's give it a try.

[chuckles]

"Out, strumpet!

Weep'st thou for him
to my face?"

"Oh, banish me, my lord

but kill me not!"

‐ "Down, strumpet!"
‐ Oh! Oh!

[choking]

Get off me! It's supposed to be
stage choking, not real choking.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby, my bad.

Hey, well, listen here,
why don't we work on some

uh, stage kissing?

Well, that just means
that we don't really get to kiss

because when I stage‐kiss,
I keep my mouth closed.

Well, who said you got the part?

Come on down here
on the casting couch

see how you work it.

Oh, Mr. Casting Director.

[laughing]

‐ So did I get the part?
‐ Nope.

‐ Bring on the next girl.
‐ Oh!

You know what,
I'm gonna choke you now.

I'm gonna choke you now.

[theme music]