All language subtitles for A Majority of One 1961 480p

# Your lips tell me no no #

# But there's yes yes in your eyes #

# Do-de-do-do-do #

# I've been missing your kissing #

# just because I wasn't wise #

Ooh...

Bertha!

Bertha!

- Essie?
- Uh-huh.

- I'll be right there.
- Uh-huh.

If you weren't on your diet
you could help yourself to some candy.

One thing you can say about me, when
it comes to candy, I got no self control.

So you'll be a bathing beauty a day later.

Here's the ice you wanted!
- Stunning!

My son gave it to me for Christmas.

It's from B. Altman's!

It's a very practical present.
I'll empty it and give it back.

No no, lend it.
It'll make an impression.

On my daughter and son-in-law
I need to make an impression?

Mind if I have a king size
with a hint of mint?

Every day you change your brand.

I've been experimenting with filter tips.

The best filter tip is - don't smoke.

Got the monkey on my back.

- Essie.
- Hm?

Why are you sitting around?
I thought you had a heavy date?

What I always say is,
keep 'em waiting.

Don't wait. It's later than you think.

That must be the kids.

Come in, come in, come in.

- Hello Alice.
- Hello Mama.

- Jerry!
- Hello mama, how are you?

- Alice, Alice ...
- Oh, Mama!

Mama, let me look at you.

My goodness, you look young as ever.

- What's your secret?
- The same. Hot water with lemon.

- You look tired a little tired, Alice.
- Oh I won't after I've had a bath.

Let me fill my eyes with you, Jerry.

Oh, Mama...

- Come on, let me ...
- Beginning tomorrow...

I'm going on a diet of
hot water with lemon.

- Hello Alice!
- Oh, hello, Mrs. Rubin.

- Jerry, you know Mrs. Rubin.
- Certainly.

-It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Rubin.
- Likewise.

How was your trip
from Washington?

We ran into a little headwind
it was kind of bumpy.

You flew?

Yes, mama, but we
didn't want to tell you.

I'm glad I didn't know.
How are your folks, Jerry?

Booming! We're taking you there
for dinner tomorrow night.

We'll see.
Take a drink darling.

And take some ice from Essie's
beautiful ice bucket she lent me.

It's nice to have such
thoughtful neighbours.

Maybe she wouldn't have for long.

Essie is thinking of
moving out of Brooklyn.

Manhattan.
An apartment hotel

It costs a little more,
but my son says it's worth it...

to get into a decent
neighbourhood again.

What's the matter with this
neighbourhood, Mrs. Ruben?

Take a walk around Nostrand Avenue
and you'll see.

That element is moving in.
The place is full of them.

What element, Mrs. Rubin?

You know what I have reference to,
coloured, also Puerto Ricans...

Really?

I seem to remember that in this very
neighbourhood years ago they didn't
allow Jews.

Well what has one got to do with the other?
- Everything.

Mrs. Rubin,
the only way to stop prejudice ...

is to stop it in yourself.

But honestly it's not
a question of prejudice!

I just don't like to live with them!

But that's the point. You see,
Mrs. Rubin, you don't like to live with-

Why don't you take the bags
in the bedroom, Jerry?

I emptied out half a closet
and the two top drawers in the dresser.

- Alright, mama. I'll get a quick shave.
- Then we'll eat.

It was nice talking to you Mrs. Rubin.
- Likewise.

Your husband is certainly
very argumentative.

On that subject, yes indeed. And so am I.

Darling, how would you like
something to eat or drink?

If you've got some, I'm dying
for a glass of black cherry soda.

Don't die so fast. I've got it.

- And you, Essie?
- Is it diet tonic?

If you want diet tonic,
drink water.

Diet tonic...

You going somewheres again, like Costa Rica
or south of the border down Mexico way?

If that's where our
tour of duty will take us.

Your mother would like it better
if you stayed here, believe me.

Isn't there any chance for Jerry
to get a job in this country?

When you're in the foreign service, Mrs.
Rubin, you take orders like everyone else.

- Oh, I see.
- Alice!

- Yes?
- You forgot to put my shaving cream in!

Alice!

Jerry needs extra shaving cream,
there's some in the medicine chest.

Also razor blades.

I can't find them!

Excuse me, Mrs. Rubin.

Even if it's right in front of
their noses, they can't see a thing.

If the corner drugstore ever runs out of
stock, all they've gotta do is call mama,
she's loaded.

She's just prepared for any emergency.

How is it possible you couldn't find this.

Oh.

- Is Mrs. Rubin still here?
- Uh-huh.

Well ease her out gently, I'll take
my time shaving and you can sit down...

and tell your mother
all about our plans.

No I won't, you coward.

I'm going to need you for moral support.

Well Alice in my feeble judgement
it's much better if you tell her alone.

Tell her what, Jerry?
That we're going to take her along?

Now Alice, you know that's impossible.

Well if it's so impossible
then you're going to face it with me.

Now hurry up.

Oh and this time try to get that
little spot under your left nostril.

- Here we are, darling.
- Thank you.

That was very thoughtful of you, Mama.
- I hardly knew what to get.

Papa used to use a shaving stick
and David used an electric razor.

And now, shaving cream
is in a can like whipped cream.

You want, Essie? I have plenty.
- Oh, no, thank you.

I'm saving up my appetite for a martini.

I've really gotta get on my bicycle.

Oh um... please thank your husband
for a very stimulating conversation.

Bye!

- Bye, Mrs. Rubin.
- Bye, Bertha.

- Bye, Essie. Eat good.
- Uh-huh!

So, Essie isn't here, now we can talk.

You got something to tell me, Alice?

Yes, Mama. But I want Jerry
to be here with me when I do.

Maybe Jerry doesn't need to be here.

Maybe your mama is a fortune teller.

January? December?
I'm going to be a grandmother, yes, Alice?

No, Mama.

"Did you go to see the doctor?"
- Yes mama. It's all right.

- You don't need an operation?
- No!

He gave me a series
of exercises.

Exercises? That's the new way?

And lots of pills.

What you need is lots of rest.

You should talk, Mama.
You're the one who should take it easy.

Why did you take that job?

A part time job, a couple of days a week.

Part time or full time...

you still have to travel on the subway
and stand on your feet all day.

You know I worry about you.

I like to keep busy.

Besides it takes the little financial burden
off you and that makes me feel good.

Mama, don't say that.
If I worked all my life I could never--

Shh!

Alice, you don't mind
if I ask you something?

Do you know what was last Thursday?

Yes mama. It was the
anniversary of David's death.

I didn't forget.

And you lighted a yahrzeit candle?

Remember the day he was drafted
and we took him to the subway train?

You know what I forgot?
The napkins.

For supper I'm giving Jerry
just what he likes.

Pot roast. Not greasy.
I know he doesn't like grease.

- Potato kugel.
- Wonderful.

Peas and carrots.

And with my economy lemon ice-box cake

I'm giving Jerry cream with his coffee.

Cream? After meat, mama?

I've been watching the television
commercials and I've gotta live modern.

Oh Jerry doesn't really mind.

I know Jerry likes cream with his coffee.

His family never kept kosher.

Sometimes I wonder why
I keep up all the dietary laws.

But I think I know the answer.

Remember papa's joke?

I'm glad I don't like spinach ...

because if I liked it
I'd eat it and I hate it.

Well that's me.

So tell me Jerry's news already.

All I can tell you is that
Jerry got a big promotion.

Leave it to Jerry. Like papa always said,

he'll be an ambassador someday.

By papa he was already an ambassador.

I can just see papa with his
pinochle friends saying...

'My son the ambassador is now in France.'

Your papa was some liar
when it came to Jerry.

Oh Mama...

So you know what you need?

You go wash your face and comb your
hair and put on a little more lipstick.

I like that colour. What is it?

'Heavenly Persian Melon.'
I'll give it to you.

No, for me I like better
'Bachelor's Carnation.'

Mama, what are you going to wear
tomorrow night to Jerry's folks?

Look how I forgot. I have a very
important sisterhood meeting.

It's the committee on ways
and means and I'm chairlady.

Well I'm afraid somebody else
will have to bang the gavel.

I want you to come with us.

Listen, Jerry's father I like very much.

But Jerry's mother and me...

Is there a law that says the bride and
groom's family have to love each other?

Mama, I'm asking you,
please.

Jerry has to tell his family.
about the new assignment and

we want you to be with us.

So when do I hear about
the new assignment?

Will you come?

Alright. So I'll go to the vault
in the morning and get my bar pin.

- Alice!
- Yes?

- How about bringing me a drink?
- You got it.

Can I make you one, mama?

Yep, a celery tonic with
a Dr. Pepper on the side.

Don't be so patronising, Mama,
you've had a schnapps or 2 in your time.

Only at weddings and Bar-Mitzvahs.

Come on in, let's chat with Jerry.

Ask Jerry if he wants me.

Oh, Mama, you don't need permission to
go into your own bedroom to see your
son-in-law.

A man without his pants on
doesn't want to see his mother in law.

Knock.

We're barging in.

Come on, Mama.

I just love the smell of Bay Rum .

- Jerry.
- Thank you darling.

Mama's just busting to hear the news.

You have a new position?
Where is it, in Washington maybe?

- Jerry, don't sit on the bedspread!
- Sit, Jerry, sit.

It's drip dry.

Mama, finally I'm out of
the consular service

and into an embassy
as junior economics officer.

What embassy?

And he's been raised
from Class 5 to Class 4.

It's better if the numbers go lower?

It means that he starts
at $9,095 a year...

and he goes up to $10,630 in 3 years.

That's already real money. But where?

-Mama, I don't know whether you know how
these promotions are made... - So tell me.

Well, after evaluating my performance
records they've decided on this big jump.

They sprang it on me yesterday
and Alice and I really celebrated.

So let me celebrate too!

Mama, Jerry's going to be
attached to our embassy in Japan.

Japan.

Oh, it's a great opportunity for you, Mama.
I'll going to be on Mr. Noah Putnam's staff.

He's the man who's going to conduct major
trade negotiations with the Japanese government.

And Jerry's going to have a month's
briefing in Washington before we sail.

And that means
you'll be stationed in Tokyo.

That's it, Mama.

And you'll be living with the people
who killed your brother.

Mama I know how difficult this is for you
and how deeply you must feel,
but that's years and years ago.

The world has changed, Mama.
We're in the space age now.

Former enemies have become
very important friends.

We're just not going to have any
world left at all if we keep on hating.

Maybe you can go to a school
and take lessons.

Do not hate the Japanese anymore.
They are our friends.

Do not hate the Germans any more,
they are our friends.

I don't know where to go
to get such lessons.

For me it's still like
it's yesterday afternoon.

You're young, Jerry.

You can still learn.

We're going to be gone for 3 years.

It's just that I hate to
think of her here alone

away from the only people
she really loves.

Are you still thinking seriously of
taking her with us, is that what
you're trying to say?

Yes, darling, I am, now we can
manage it with just a minor economy.

Darling, that's the very least of it.

But what about her?

We're talking about a woman who's
lived practically all her life in Brooklyn.

Let's face it, a very ingrown life.

Now how do you transplant her
to a foreign country?

- Oh, Jerry ...
- And not just any foreign country,

but Japan.

Well she'll be so excited about
taking a trip and travelling...

The novelty will
wear off in a month.

And what's she gonna do
for the rest of the 3 years?

Look Jerry, Tokyo is
halfway around the world.

Now suppose I became pregnant.

Wouldn't it be wonderful
to have her around?

Well wouldn't it?

Darling I think it would be wonderful
if you were pregnant.

I don't think having your mother
around is going to accomplish that.

Well I know one thing it would
accomplish. It will make me happy.

Alice. Jerry.

- Yes mama?
- Jerry...

Don't you want a bite of something
to wash down the alcohol?

- Thank you very much, Mama.
- We'll eat in about 15 minutes.

I forgot to put the light
under the carrots and peas.

Jerry, I didn't act so nice before.

I did not not say 'hurrah'
about your new assignment,

so I went into the kitchen
and hollered at myself.

- I apologise.
- There's no need for that, Mama.

- You never have to apologise to us, Mama.
- Jerry's right.

We are living in a new age with
spaceships and missiles and rockets and-

Every time you pick up the paper,

somebody's sent up
another torpedo in the sky.

There's so many up there already
there's a traffic jam.

And what'll happen if they bump into
each other? I wouldn't even ask
it's none of my business.

It's also none of my business
if people want to go to the moon.

All I can tell you is,
don't make me a reservation.

It's hard to accept the new world,
but I gotta learn to live with it.

It seems like everything's changed.

Everything except one thing.

The way I love you, Alice.

And the way I love you, Jerry.

So eat a little something, darling,
take a little finger food.

- Mama.
- Hm?

- How would you like to go with us?
- I told Alice I'd go to your folks'.

Mama, I don't mean to my folks.
I mean to Tokyo, Japan.

- Alice this is a joke or something?
- No, Mama, it isn't a joke.

Alice wants you to come and so do I.

Japan?
How could I live in Japan?

Alice and you could go sightseeing
together, you could go shopping

- Oh there's a million things you could do, Mama.
- And we'd be together.

It would take such a load off my mind.

And what would I like better, Alice, hm?

I appreciate it.

And I thank you.

But I don't think so.

No.

I don't think so.

How far is it to Japan?

About 9,000 miles.

Oy...

Oh Jerry!

Good morning, we're glad to
have you aboard American Airlines,

flight number 17, non-stop
jet flagship service to San Francisco.

Our flying time will be 5h 57m.

Captain Jones will give you further
information concerning our flight.

The cabin altitude is controlled
for your comfort.

Should it change the oxygen mask will
automatically fall out within easy reach.

The possibility of having to use
these masks is extremely remote

but government regulations
require a demonstration.

Should the masks drop out,
it's most important that you
observe the no smoking sign

and immediately follow these instructions
which your stewardess will now
demonstrate for you.

Reach out promptly and sweep the mask
to your face, covering your mouth and nose.

Oxygen will immediately
be supplied to your mask.

Continue to use the mask
until further advised.

If you wish further information
and instructions...

It doesn't happen
once in a million times, Mama.

What'll be, will be.

We're up, Mama. Look out of the window.

It's the first time in my life
I ever saw a cloud upside down.

It'll all be over soon and we'll be
on a wonderful big ocean liner.

I can hardly wait.

May I please have your attention.

Life boat drill will be held
at 3 o'clock this afternoon

at both posts designated in the state room.

We want you all to be sure to participate.

Thank you.

- The air make you feel better, Mama?
- I'm alright.

- Still squeamish?
- I'm fine.

I brought your sewing basket.

If I feel better, I'll sew tomorrow.

Mama, you haven't eaten anything.

At 4 o'clock they bring around hot tea
and a little bought cake, I'll take some.

Oh, Mama, I just can't bear
to see you looking so miserable.

- Hi, girls.
- Hello, darling.

Mama, you see any dolphins yet?

All I see is grey water.

Well there'll be dolphins pretty soon,
and flying fish and lots of other steamers.

- Good Morning.
- Good Morning.

She's a natural blonde, Alice.

- There's a movie tonight, Mama.
- Which one?

The Law and Jake Wade.

I saw it 4 months ago at The Albee.

Robert Taylor's in it. You know, Alice,

I think Robert Taylor is Jewish.

Mama, why don't you come on the upper deck
with Alice and me while we play
some shuffleboard?

As a matter of fact,
why don't you get in the game?

Oh you'd be great at it, Mama!

All you have to do is hit a round
piece of wood with a long stick.

All of a sudden I'm a Mickey Mantle.

Asano-san.

Good morning, Mr. Asano.

May I introduce myself, sir?
Black, of the state department.

- I am honoured, sir.
- I would like you to meet my family.

It would be an honour.

This is my wife, Alice.

How do you do, Mr. Asano?

And my mother-in-law, Mrs. Jacoby.

How do you do?

Both the ladies are going
to Japan for the first time.

As a matter of fact, so am I.

I would be very happy
to be of any assistance.

If perhaps you wish to play golf
at my country club

or to make inquiries of any kind

my office is completely at your disposal.

We're very grateful, sir, but I
hope we won't have to bother you.

I'm sure the embassy
will take care of everything.

You have a most efficient embassy.

And now I beg to be excused.

Mama, are you sure you don't want to
come up and watch the shuffleboard?

I'm sure darling, you go along.
Alice needs the exercise.

- No, I'll stay here with you.
- Please, I'd feel better if you go.

I'll stay here and look at the fog.

- Jerry, please take her?
- Alright, Mama.

- See you later, Mama.
- Bye-bye, Darling.

I don't think we ought to leave her.

Darling, she's got to talk
to a Japanese sometime.

Now Alice, if you have no faith
in your mother, I have.

Permit me.

- Thank you, very much.
- You're welcome.

That is simply the ship's whistle
indicating high noon, Mrs. Jacoby.

Nothing to be alarmed about.

Thank you.

The sea is extremely choppy this morning.

That is not unexpected.

At this northern latitude.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Come on, Mama, get your coat.

- Where are we going?
- It's only the lifeboat drill.

Don't worry, we're not sinking.

The way I feel, sometimes
I wish we were.

Mama.

It's a little skimpy
I think I need a larger size.

- Where's Jerry?
- Right here, Mama.

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen.

I'm Mr. MacMillan.

Fire and boat drills are conducted
at least once a week at sea

aboard every American ship

in accordance with the regulations
of the US Coast Guard.

You are to report to this station,
Number 5,

with your life jacket on
and properly secured

upon hearing 6 or more blasts
on the ship's whistle

with corresponding ringing
of the ship's alarm bells.

This is your lifeboat.

It is fully equipped
to sustain life at sea.

Including oars, sails,
first aid equipment,

water, food, K-rations...

a radio which can send out
a signal of up to about 50 miles.

We of the SS President Hoover
appreciate your interest and cooperation.

The drill is now completed.

Thank you very very much
for your cooperation.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you.

- Are you all right, mama?
- Certainly I'm all right!

Give me the life jackets, children,
I'm going downstairs.

No no, I'll take them, Mama.

I will. Children...

stop treating me like I'm made of glass.

Stay up, have a good time,
give a person the life jackets.

Thank you, Mama.

The life jacket must be very
uncomfortable, can I help you?

I don't need any help. Thank you very much.

May I ask. Have I offended you in some way?

- No.
- If so, I should like to apologise.

It is not necessary.

You take this attitude
because I'm Japanese?"

- Yes.
- Because of the war.

Because of my son.

He was in some way affected?

I wish you would tell me, please.

All right.

It was all in a telegram.

"The secretary of war

has asked me to express with deep regret

that your son David Elias Jacoby

was wounded in action at Attu

on May 14, 1943.

Address mail to Sgt. David Elias Jacoby

147329,

care of Hospital Directory
Section 8 PO, San Francisco.

Signed Julio, Edgerton General."

Then they sent for us.

By the time we could get to our child

he was gone.

Yes, Mr. Japanese.

My son was in some way affected.

Our son was killed in a destroyer of the
Thunder class by an American dive bomber.

Our daughter...

was a nurse in Hiroshima in August 1945.

All because you and Mr. Hitler
wanted to run the world.

My wife and I did not so wish,
Mrs. Jacoby.

Nor did our son or our daughter
or anybody we knew

what most of us wished for was a...

happy and peaceful existence
with the flowers, the moon and the sunshine.

Is that so very different
from what you wish, Mrs. Jacoby?

No.

Then...

shall we start again?

How do you do?

How do you do?

Good morning, Mr. Black.

Good morning, Mr. Asano.

It appears that the captain
has found his way into the sun.

It should improve everybody's disposition.

I hope your mother-in-law is
feeling better this beautiful morning.

I regret if perhaps
I upset her yesterday.

She told me about it.

I think now she does
understand a little now.

It's very difficult for her.

Many people in my country

hate the Americans unreasonably
because of the war.

But your mother-in-law
has every justification to hate us.

I sometimes wonder which is worse,
war or its aftermath.

I think, sir, that in the case
of our two countries

we have made rapid strides
towards understanding.

To some degree, yes.
But there are still problems.

No problem is unsolveable
for men of good will.

We both sound as if we are
making after dinner speeches.

You will be a distinct addition
to your embassy.

I plan to try, sir.

For that you also plan to...

familiarise yourself with the problem
of free markets,

a subject that generates
more heat than good will.

The entire matter is
under intensive study, sir.

For the conference in August.

No, Mr. Black,
I have not been reading your mail.

It so happens that my government
has asked me to participate.

It is perhaps fortunate that we meet
in these agreeable circumstances

and can discuss these matters informally.

When you care to see some figures on
the textile question from the Japanese
point of view, I have here...

I think you'll agree, Mr. Asano, that by
August the situation may have levelled off,

and we'll both be better prepared to
make considered evaluations of your figures.

No, sir, I do not agree.

- Good morning, Jerry.
- Good morning, Mama.

Good morning, Mrs. Jacoby.

Good morning, Mr. Asano.

I have some Smith Brothers cough drops.

- Good for coughing.
- Thank you.

- Jerry, I have Life Savers, if you want some.
- No thank you, Mama.

- Very soothing. Excellent flavour.
- Keep them. I have plenty.

Thank you very much.

I know, I know.
It's 12 o'clock, high noon.

My watch says 1 o'clock, I forgot
to put it back the hour last night.

Try to remember that next Wednesday

we cross the International Date Line

and lose an entire day.

And how do I do this on my watch?

You do nothing.
It's Tuesday, then it's Thursday.

What happens to Wednesday?

You get two Wednesdays on the way back.

For me that won't be for a long time.

This is, I imagine, your first trip abroad?

- No, my third.
- Usually to Europe?

I started in Europe. I was born in Russia.

Near Moscow.

I was in the Soviet Union last summer.

In my day it was plain "Russia,"
with the Tsar.

That's why my father escaped
to New Haven, to my uncle's,

so he shouldn't have to serve
in the Tsar's army.

Then a year later, my sister Gussie,

then my sister Rachel, then my mother.

Finally, I was elected.

That was some long trip.

May I ask, Mrs. Jacoby, how old
you were when all this happened?

Who carries around their birth certificate?

But like my mother used to figure it out,

I was born the fifth candle of Hannukah.

The fifth candle of what, Mrs. Jacoby?

Hannukah. The feast of lights.

That would be sort of in December...

because it's like Christmas time.

Anyway, that's when I was born.
The year after, my mother's father died.

So when I finally
got to New Haven, I was...

a month on... 12 and a half.

You were a very very little girl
to have all that trouble.

Mama, I never heard that story.

Listen...

I nearly forgot it myself
'til I smelled the ocean,

Then all of a sudden it came back to me...
"precipitado."

You remember your Spanish.

I've met so many foreigners
in my life, Mr. Asano,

That I can speak a word
here and there in lot of languages.

Polish, Hungarian, Russian,
Hebrew, Yiddish, of course...

and I even manage
a little English now and then.

I find your English
both clear and precise.

I wish Miss Barber
could hear you say that.

I'd be happy to tell her.

She was my English teacher in girl's high.

She used to give me special lessons.

The hardest word in English is 'the'.

The hardest word in English is 'lollipop'.

You're sitting in a draught.

I had a little cold when I got on board,
I don't think I'm over it yet.

So here, take a little aspirin.

Thank you, but I took
an antihistamine this morning.

See? Now that I don't like.

I wouldn't do that
unless it was absolutely necessary.

- You're dizzy?
- No.

To me the best medicines
are always the simple ones.

Soap and water and stewed plums.

Where are you going, Jerry?

I'm just stretching, Mama.

Excuse please.

Here, take a blanket.

-When you have a cold, you should
always keep your feet warm. - Thank you.

My wife shares your respects
for warm feets, Mrs. Jacoby.

She died 3 years ago last May.

So...

you've had a cupful too.

I lost my husband also.
Not quite 4 years ago.

She was sick long?

From the time of the diagnosis until
the end, 3 short, very long weeks.

My Sam was sick almost 15 months.

Would you believe that up to the
last minute he was active in business.

- What was his business, Mrs. Jacoby?
- Artificial flowers.

I have a subsidiary
that makes artificial flowers.

You have?

If you'll excuse me, the Japanese
were our worst competitors.

You wanna take my advice?

Go into your cabin and take a
cup of tea with lemon and honey,

and every half an hour gargle
with hot water and peroxide.

- You got peroxide?
- No, but I'm sure I shall be all right.

All I have to do is take a look at your
eyes to know you got a temperature.

What other miracles do you keep
deep in that bag, Mrs. Jacoby?

I had a thermometer.
I must have left it in my valise.

I'll go and get it.
Do you want something, Jerry?

- No thanks, Mama.
- I do not like to put you at all this trouble.

It's no trouble. And on my way I'll stop
and talk with the dining room steward.

From me he expects anything.
You know, Jerry?

The way he looks at me,
I'm sure he thinks I'm 'meshuggah'

What does...
'meshuggah' mean, Mr. Black?

My mother-in-law uses that word so often,
she forgets that it isn't English.

It means crazy.

Well, not insane, but,
let us say, scatterbrained.

Well, Mr. Black,
if your mother-in-law is 'meshuggah',

then clearly it is a very
delightful thing to be.

Room steward.

Steward, I would appreciate it very much
it if would wrap this for me, please

Of course, sir.

- You want it jazzed up for a present?
- Just use white paper and paper cord.

I have them, sir.
I do many Japanese packages.

Use two sheets of paper,
as one sheet is for an unhappy occasion,

and this is not an unhappy occasion.

Would you like me to
get you some raw fish, sir?

- Raw fish?
- Well, in Japan ...

it is customary to give raw fish
with gifts on happy occasions.

Raw fish is very old fashioned.

The modern way is to use seaweed.

- Yes sir.
- Thank you very much.

- It worked out alright, didn't it, Jerry?
- What?

I was afraid at first, but... thank
goodness she's come out of her depression.

That she has.

She treats the entire passenger list
as though they were her nephews,
nieces, and cousins.

When I see her with Mr. Asano

gossiping away as though he were
an old friend on a park bench.

Well about that I have reservations.

You do?

Well tonight he sent another
bottle of champagne to the table.

I don't like to get gifts from people
with whom I have to do business.

I'm sure no congressional
investigation committee's going to

accuse you of a conflict of interest
over two bottles of wine.

I think Mr. Asano plays
with different rules.

Good evening, Mr. Graham.

- Ah, enjoying the sea breeze, darling?
- Yes, Mama.

Sit, Jerry, sit.

- I hear you've been sipping brandy.
- You told me to be sociable.

You know, they're very nice people.
He's the doctor with standard oil,

and they live in a compound
with ten 'amas,'

which is how you say servants in Indonesia.

I never noticed that scarf before, Mama.

- Very French.
- Mr. Asano gave it to me.

He bought it for his daughter-in-law,

but he wanted me to have it as
a remembrance for the cough drops.

It's a very Japanese custom called ...

okaeshi.

- It's lovely. That was very sweet of him.
- I like it.

- Jerry and I are going to play bridge, Mama.
- I know. With the English couple.

You know, she is American. She met him
in Los Angeles when he was a vice-consul.

There's not a biography on this boat
you don't know, Mama.

Do you tell everybody about us?

When you're proud of your children,
you talk about them.

- Want to come watch us play?
- No, I'm meeting Mr. Asano.

We're going to play dominoes.
You know I won a dollar from him?

He'd be a very good payer if he'd
concentrate. He talks too much.

- What does he talk about, Mama?
- You know what men talk about. Business.

- He's got a lot on his mind.
- Like what?

- Like duty.
- Duty?

On his goods. Jerry understands
what I'm talking about.

- There's going to be a big conference
in August. - Yes I know that, Mama.

Good evening.
Mrs. Black.

- Mr. Black.
- Good evening.

I have just radioed my office in Tokyo

and told them to send a car and a
station wagon to meet me at Yokohama.

If your embassy has not made
arrangements, please feel free to...

All arrangements have been made.
Thank you, sir.

I thought we might play outside,
Mrs. Jacoby, it's quite stuffy below decks.

Fine.

Perhaps you will care to join us?

Four handed dominoes is very
stimulating and quite unpredictable.

- Thank you, sir, but we do have a date.
- Please excuse us.

- We'll see you later, Mama.
- Go. Make a slam.

The moon's like a regular pumpkin tonight.

In my country, moon viewing is a tradition.

We have a holiday for it.

- A special holiday for looking at the moon?
- It's called tsukimi.

Moon viewing is held on the
evening of the 15th of August

and again on the 13th of September.

If one goes moon viewing
on the first occasion,

and fails to do so
at the second opportunity,

it is said to be a one sided moon
viewing and is not approved of.

- You think that's strange, Mrs. Jacoby?
- Oh no.

In our religion we celebrate 2 days
practically everything!

- There are many festivals.
- Oh yes...

In Japan there is a festival
for almost everything.

In the spring it's Showa no Hi.

We have the same.
In the spring is Shavuos.

Shavuot.

- In the fall it is Shobun no Hi.
- Shobun no Hi.

I hope you will celebrate
Shobun no Hi with me.

We decorate our houses with grains
and the fruits of the earth.

We do the same.
We have a Sukkot.

A little hut we build,
and put on grapes and apples.

Oh it sounds enchanting.

Thank you.

I hope you will invite me
to one of your festivals.

If we have a festival in Tokyo
you'll be invited I assure you.

But my children,
I don't think they observe.

- You know how modern children are, Mr. Asano.
- Indeed I do, Mrs. Jacoby.

- But we have to learn to live modern too.
- That is difficult.

So what's easy? Whatever
comes into your life, you take.

You transcend.

- I beg your pardon?
- You transcend.

It is, in essence, the philosophy
of the Zen Buddhists.

To over-simplify what we believe,

The torments of life are trials
which, successfully overcome,

lead to the serenity of
the enlightened spirits.

You mean, if you have 'tsores' ...
trouble...

you come out of it a better person
if you live through it.

Obviously you have studied
Zen Buddhism.

No, I'm a plain woman.

I've had my share of happiness and worry,

of 'kvelling' for my husband
and my children...

Kvelling?

How can I explain 'kvelling'?

Well...

'Kvelling' is the way you look,
and the way you feel,

when something wonderful happens
to someone you love.

It's like .... well ...

It's like when Alice graduated
from Smith with the highest honours.

It's pride.
No, no, it's more. It's...

It's kvelling.

'Kvelling' would be an excellent addition
to the Zen Buddhist vocabulary.

If I should tell anybody I'm on a
ship's deck 1,000 miles from Yokohama...

explaining 'kvelling' to a Japanese
gentleman, who would believe it?

I will be equally hard pressed
to explain it to my daughter-in-law.

I love that music.

Sam and I took the children
to that play on our anniversary.

Afterward we all went dancing at the Copa.

Sam always liked ....

Whatever I do, whatever I say,
I always come back to Sam.

Everything reminds me.

I just don't believe he's gone.

Nor do I.

We may be deluding ourselves
in this area, Mrs. Jacoby,

but we follow an historical pattern.

We do?

Different cultures have arrived
at the same conclusion independently.

The Chinese and the Romans,
for instance.

Centuries ago,
Cicero I think it was said:

"If I err in my belief that the souls
of men are immortal, I gladly err.

Nor do I wish this error, in which
I find delight, to be wrested from me."

Whatever I think, I discover
someone thought it before I did.

Would you care to dance?

- I haven't danced in a blue moon.
- Nor have I.

Shall we try?

- I couldn't...
- It was your idea!

Live modern!

I didn't know that they
danced like this in Japanese.

I learned to waltz in Oxford in 1925.

Look, Alice, we're dancing.

I saw you through the door.

I'm dummy so I thought
I'd come out and join you.

- You get so warm when you dance.
- Can I get you a cool drink, Mrs. Jacoby?

I don't like to trouble you,
but maybe a little seltzer.

A club soda, please.

- May I get you something, Mrs. Black?"
- No, thank you, Mr. Asano.

What's the matter, Alice?

You have that look on your face
like when you used to cut school.

Mama...

What's the matter, darling?

What happened all of a sudden?

Mama, when I first went
to Costa Rica with Jerry...

I met a woman, a Costa Rican,
the wife of a Cabinet member.

She was wonderful to me,
I really depended on her.

And one day she came to me and asked me
to ask Jerry to talk to the Prime Minister...

because her husband was being fired.

I realised what a babe in the woods I was.

I was just being used.

So ... you think Mr. Asano is just being
nice to me because of Jerry?

In a month Jerry will be in an important
hassle with Japanese manufacturers,

of whom Mr. Asano is the most important.

Am I making myself clear?

I understand plain English.

Our government is trying
to get the Japanese to

voluntarily cut down exports

before Congress passes
a restrictive tariff act.

You know what a restrictive
tariff act is, Ma?

Yes...

Your papa and me wrote to our congressman

for such an act before you were born.

Sorry, Mama. I keep forgetting
that you were in business.

And in business with one look
you can tell what a person is,

and I tell you, Mr. Asano
is an honourable man.

And he's not being nice to me
just so Jerry should be on his side.

Try to understand, darling.

In foreign service you have to be
very careful of easy friendships.

Now I was so glad that you
found somebody to talk to, but...

on the other hand you must admit
it was a little odd.

After all, he is a millionaire.

Oh, and there's a law that says
Mrs. Jacoby can only talk to paupers, mm?

No certainly not
The only point is ...

he is a Japanese.

And I think he's from Texas.

Mama, please think about what I'm saying.

I am thinking, Alice.

I'm thinking how you told me to mix
and mingle and be like everybody else.

So I stick one toe in the water
and already I'm drowning.

All right. Go back to your bridge game.

And don't eat your heart out. If that's
what you want and that's what Jerry wants,

I won't talk anymore to that...

- that 'gunnif.'
- Oh, mother, you didn't have to say that.

- That's what you were trying to say.
- No I...

Thank you.

- And what about our game, Mrs. Jacoby?
- I was just talking to Alice, and

tomorrow's our last day out
and I have so much packing to do.

I thought I'd just go along to my cabin
and put my packing in motion.

I understand.

Mr. Asano ...

I want to thank you for the scarf,

for the dancing ... for everything.

It has been my pleasure, Mrs. Jacoby.
I beg to be excused. Good night.

Mama, handled that like a diplomat.

Some diplomat.
Thank you for the compliment.

I wanted to make a friend out of an enemy.

So what did I do?

I made an enemy out of a friend.

You'll find everything in order.
Follow me to the taxi, please.

Thank you.

Mama, why don't you sit down here
while we get the cab, huh?

All right, Jerry.

Mrs. Jacoby.

Should you wish to go sightseeing,
or think I could help you,

please accept my card.

Thank you, Mr. Asano.

- It was a pleasure to meet you.
- The pleasure was entirely mine, Mrs. Jacoby.

We're ready, Mama.

You could've at least said goodbye
to Mr. Asano, Alice.

I didn't have the chance, Mother.

What's the...?

Protection from germs.

His or ours?

Well I've been waiting for you all!

- You're Alice Black.
- Yes, hello.

- And you're Mr. Black?
- How do you do?

- And I'm sure you must be Mrs. Jacoby!
- How do you do?

I'm Lily Putnam.
And this is your new home.

And welcome to Tokyo!

- And I hope you're all very happy.
- It's very kind of you to meet us, Mrs. Putnam.

- We're very grateful.
- Oh likewise.

We were delighted we could get these
accommodations for you, Mrs. Black.

There aren't many available
western houses in Tokyo.

If you couldn't see the pagodas,
the neighbourhood looks like Flatbush.

Oh, this is Ichiro Watanabe,
your number one boy.

We call him Eddie.

It is a great honour to welcome
my new bosses,

who are American big shots.

- Is he really ours?
- Yes indeed.

And he speaks English. Treat him
as though he were a precious jewel.

- He's that hard to come by.
- It's very nice of you to do this for us.

I know how hard it is to come
to a strange country.

- I've been to so many of them.
- We are very grateful.

You won't be, Mrs. Black, when you hear
the schedule I've got worked out for you.

It's a back breaking job,
being a diplomat's wife in Tokyo.

You've got to pay formal calls
on everybody who outranks you,

and everybody you outrank
has got to pay formal calls on you.

It's nice to have people visit.

Well... you don't really visit...

you just leave cards.

You come this way into rumpus room,

and I bring you cup of tea,
or maybe Coca-Cola?

And I am also very good
at making Bull Shots.

- You want Bull Shots?
- No, thank you, Eddie.

Rumpus room.

You see? It's really rather nice.

A little on the gingerbread side,

but it was built
in the late 19th century...

for Her Majesty's Ambassador.

When you put in your personal touches ...

I somehow had visions of Japanese screens,
and waterfalls, and floral arrangements.

Well, at least it's larger than the
bungalow we had in Costa Rica.

It's very nice,
a little dusty maybe, but ...

with a little Dutch cleanser
we'll make it look like a doll.

First we ought to open the drapes,
it'll let a little light in.

Mrs. Jacoby, if you want to draw the
curtains, I suggest that you ask Eddie.

In a Japanese household,
there really must be only one,

well, as Eddie puts it, boss.

So I think you ought to make your
household arrangements accordingly.

Well really it's going to be
a joint responsibility.

What's joint about it? Jerry and Alice
are the bosses, and I'm a guest.

Then, Eddie, would you mind
drawing the curtains?

Look! A regular telephone
just like in Brooklyn!

Could you believe it?

Moshi moshi. Hai.
Chotto matte kudasai.

It was embassy, Black-san.
Putnam-san, for you, Black-san.

Hello.
This is Mr. Black.

Yes indeed, Mr. Putnam.
Thank you very much.

Your representative met us at the boat
and got us through with great dispatch.

Yes sir, Mrs. Putnam is here.

She's been very kind.

Well of course, sir, if you want me.

No, sir, no need to wait until the morning.

I'll come now.
Thank you, sir. Goodbye.

- You're not going to leave, Jerry.
- It's important.

- It really is, Alice.
- But on our first day?

Business is business, Alice.

Now you get settled
and I'll be home very soon.

- Thank you again, Mrs Putnam.
- It's been a great pleasure.

If you get a chance, please tell my husband
it would be nice if he was on time for dinner tonight!

Bye everybody. If there's anything
I can do to help, please call on me.

- Well thank you very much.
- Thank you so much! Bye, Jerry.

Goodbye, darling.

Well, Mrs. Black, you've had your
first taste of what it's like here.

I'm afraid we're not going to see our
husbands very often these next few months.

I'm accustomed to it, Mrs. Putnam. I've
already had a tour of duty in Central America.

But Japan is a very formal post.

Now, what are your plans?

Well, I thought we'd get settled
and then Mum and I would go sightseeing.

What a wonderful idea!

But you've come right into
the preparations for a conference

and I want you to get to meet everybody.

It's very important for your husband,
and for us.

You're included too, Mrs. Jacoby.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
I have such a lot to do.

I have letters to write, and
I'm making Alice a skirt, and ...

Well. I'm so busy.

Alice, I wonder if I can go to my room,
I'd like to put a little water on my face.

- I don't even know where the rooms are, Mother.
- I have already selected rooms for all of you.

Follow me, Jacoby-san.

- I'll go with you, Mum.
- You stay and talk to Mrs. Putnam ...

and make up your
social engagements, darling.

- Goodbye and thank you.
- Mrs. Jacoby.

Follow me.

It's a tremendous adjustment for Mama.

This is your room, Jacoby-san.

Nice size.

Dressing room.

And this is the bathroom.

Yeah?

It works?

This whole house western,
except for bathroom which is Japanese.

What's so Japanese?

You sit on little stool and maid
pour bucket of hot water on you.

And then you enter tub.

Listen, if that's the way you do it,
I'll try.

Hoo ha...

- Hello, Mr. Putnam.
- Welcome, Mr. Black. Good to see you again.

- Good to see you, sir.
- Well thank you.

Sit down.

We could use your intellect
and your experience.

Thank you sir.

I would not have asked you to
come here on your first day in Tokyo,

except that I am now led to understand
that Mr. Asano was aboard ship with you.

Yes sir.

He's an old line individualist.

And our hardest nut to crack.

It may be an advantage
that you developed a rapport.

- I'm not sure whether you'd call it
a "rapport" or not. - We'll see.

The doyo season is only
a couple of months away.

The 'Doyo' season, sir?

It's early August.

The time when the farmer drains his rice
fields on the basis of the lunar calendar.

I study Japanese customs every night.

And I hope you'll do the same.

I already have, sir.

I'm very happy to arrive in Japan
in the year of the tiger.

Well! Well you have been studying.
That's fine. Fine.

- Where's Mr. Asano?
- Any minute now.

Excuse, please.

Mr. Black.

Good morning, sir.

I hope your family is happy in Japan.

Yes, sir.
Thank you for asking.

Please give my respects
to your mother-in-law.

Thank you sir.

Shall we be seated gentlemen?

And shall we continue
with these proceedings?

We are honoured that Mr. Asano has

finally agreed to join these deliberations.

Mr. Asano has asked to make a statement.

We are honoured that the representatives
of the American government

have come to us to deal
with accommodations.

I am sorry if up to now
discussions have been unfruitful.

When you get home, Mr. Black,

You might ask your mother in law for
some Smith Brothers cough drops.

Eddie!

Eddie!

Eddie!

Eddie, take away the ironing board.
But first, fix the television.

The up and down doesn't stop, and when
it does, it's like herringbone tweed.

I will tune it properly.

The Lo-Hi's I can get in Brooklyn.

But we are hep-cats for American music!

That marriage is already in Reno.

- How you understand, Jacoby-san?"
- By the pictures.

The couple are always arguing
because she's jealous,

so I figure he's got another woman.

Oh no! It is she who has another man!

When I look at it my way,
it's John's other wife.

He's been drinking maybe.

What's he saying?

The program has been pre-empted...

by championship sumo wrestling match!

- Shall we watch then?
- Eddie, please!

- You don't like sumo wrestling?
- What's to like?

They sit around and squat, and then
they jump up like crazy people!

- ...and give each other such a smash!
- This one a number one smasher! I bet on him!

Good luck.
Turn it off, Eddie.

It's enough, already, turn it off.

Maybe there's something on the radio.

Oh...

Try the Armed Forces station, maybe.

In spite of the Chinese wall that's helped
the home run average of the visitors,

the Los Angeles Dodgers moved into a
commanding four and a half game lead last night

when they massacred the
San Francisco Giants 12 to 4.

Turn it off, Eddie.

It is wonderful about
the Los Angeles Dodgers.

I don't want to hear about them
since they moved from Brooklyn.

Even though we all miss them.

Now what am I going to do?

Why don't you go for a walk?

- In the rain?
- It stops and starts.

You go between.

If I walk away one block
from this house, I get lost.

Why don't you go to the movies?

I saw a very good picture...

The Law and Jake Wade.

Again with Jake Wade.

I like Robert Taylor.

You know, Jacoby-san,
I think Robert Taylor Japanese.

Well, you will humbly pardon me now, I
must go attend to my duties in the kitchen.

Eddie, why are you running?

Sit a minute.

Tell me about your girl.

It's serious?

She is a very old-fashioned family,
Jacoby-san.

- We met through a 'nakodo'.
- What's a 'nakodo'?

Nakodo is...

Is a relative or a friend

who arranges a suitable marriage.

Ah, a shadchan, a marriage broker.

No, nakodo.

He has suggested we marry.

But our families must study
the suggested bride or groom

as to, oh, health, wealth,
intelligence, character...

That's a very good idea.

- No, not good...
- No?

No, no...

They do not like me because
I spend too much time in Shinjuku ...

which is considered to be
very bad section of Tokyo.

- And is it?
- Mm ... it is very jazzy there.

And I am well respected.

You know, Jacoby-san...

If you were to get a few
cartons of cigarettes,

and some whisky,
and some French perfume

from the embassy commissary,

I could sells it on the black market
and we could splits the profit.

Don't be such a businessman,
and don't make me your partner!

And Eddie...

Don't ever let me hear
such talk in this house again.

Never again let me hear it!

- I go to work for Canadian embassy!
- No, Eddie please!

Canadian Embassy...

Eddie, I don't want my daughter upset.

If you were to part with
a few miserable yen, I might...

Again yen!
No more, Eddie.

Hello, Eddie.

Why were you ironing
in the living room, Eddie?

Oh I was not ironing, Black-san.
Jacoby-san was ironing.

Oh I see ...
Hello, Mama-san.

- Hello, Alice-san.
- Were there any messages, Mama?

- Eddie takes the messages.
- Eddie?

Oh yes, Black-san, your husband called and
he asked me to give you the following message:

He is now in conference
with Number 1 man.

Thank you. Anything else?

Only that Jacoby-san
spoke to me without dignity.

But I swallow my pride and stay ...

for few more miserable yen each week?

All right, Eddie, I'll talk to Mr. Black.

Come on, Mama. I want to
tell you about the cocktail party.

Alice, your shoes are damp,
your dress too. Get right out of it.

All right, Mama.

Sounds like you've had
a run in with Eddie-san.

That Eddie-san is some gunnif-san.

At least he takes messages.

Number 1 man.
That can only mean ...

Mr. Asano, who else?

It certainly is peculiar he took so long to
get to Jerry's big meeting at the embassy.

On the boat that's all he talked about.

It's a diplomatic technique, Mama.

Make everybody nervous, play hard to get.

Jerry explained it all last night.

Did you tell Jerry what I told you
about my Davenport?

Well I mentioned it but I think it's best
if neither one of us interfere, don't you?

I mean, I'm sure that Jerry's
considered every possible alternative.

But Alice, I have a lot of
practical experience,

and if Jerry would just
speak to that Mr. Putnam...

Mr. Putnam is a very difficult man,
Mama.

So please don't say anything to Jerry.

All right.

Did you have a good time at the
French embassy today, dear?

A wonderful time.

I'm really very disappointed
that you didn't come along with me.

I went with you a couple of times
to your high society.

It didn't turn out so good.

I was afraid to say something wrong.

- What did you do today?
- I watched television and...

Don't holler.
I ironed Jerry's tuxedo shirt.

I wasn't going to mention it, Mama,
but you really shouldn't have.

Remember what I told you
about losing face with servants.

But they can't iron like you.

Jerry's going to look wonderful
at General Garretsen's tonight.

What are you going to wear?
Your black dress with the bugle beads?

I'm not going. If I can't talk to civilians,
what would I say to a general?

- Mama, please.
- Alice...

Don't push.
I'm not going.

That must be our personal ambassador.
Come on, Mama.

- Hello, darling.
- Hello, Alice.

- Hello, Jerry.
- Hello, Mama.

- Did the conference go OK?
- Well, it could have gone better.

Oh I saw Mr. Asano today.
He says hello

I'm glad he's so friendly.

Well I wouldn't exactly say that.
Alice, may I have a drink please?

Sure, honey.
Would you like one, Mama?

No I'm not so hotsy totsy
with the drinking. I'll get the ice.

I'll take it without ice, Alice.

Darling, you look exhausted.

I'll tell you why I look exhausted,
because I am!

Mm, you must've had a very hard day.

It was a beaut...

Tell you what...

Why don't you take a nice hot bath

and I'll scrub your back
like any good Japanese wife...

- and you can tell me all about it.
- Let me have a drink first.

I'm making you a double.

Why don't you finish your drink
and take a nap?

I'll serve you dinner in bed.

- We don't really have to go to General
Garretsen's tonight. - Yes, we do.

Oh nobody'll miss us.
It's going to be a very big party.

- Yes, big, and dreary and a must.
- All right.

You should have seen me today.
I went to the French embassy.

There were about 40 women.
All in Balmain originals.

They served champagne in the drawing room,
and Jasmine tea in the conservatory...

That sounds very classy, honey.

- Hello?
- Mr. Black?

Yes, this is Mr. Black.

- This is Mr. Putnam.
- Oh, hello, Mr. Putnam.

Mr. Black, I've just come from
a talk with the ambassador.

And I've had to report
that Mr. Asano's negativism

was particulary directed against you.

Can you explain it?

I'm not sure, sir. Possibly.

Perhaps if I could speak to Mr. Asano
privately tomorrow when the conference resumes

The conference
will not resume tomorrow.

The ambassador has received
word from the foreign ministry

that the Japanese delegation
wishes an indefinite postponement.

I think it it would be wise, Mr. Black,
if you reported to me tomorrow morning at 9:30

with as comprehensive a review of your
relations with Mr. Asano as possible.

All right, sir.
Good-bye, sir.

Alice, I have to have
a talk with your mother.

- Talk with my mother?
- Yes with your mother.

I don't know if 'my mother' is available,
would you care to talk to Mama?

All right, I can do without the sarcasm.

Jerry, what's the matter with you?
What's Mama got to do with it?

I don't know.

Alice, what did you tell your mother
on the boat about Mr. Asano?

- Exactly what I told you.
- Well did she talk to him again
after that night?

- How do I know?
- Don't you think we ought to find out?"

Jerry, before you put Mama on the carpet,
there are a few things I've got to find out.

- The conference was a disaster.
- Why?

- Guess.
- Obviously I'm too stupid.

Oh you couldn't be that stupid.
Didn't I tell you on the boat to...

- Here's the ice, children.
- Thank you, Mama.

- Jerry, I think we'd better get dressed soon.
- We have some time.

I have some things
I want to look over.

Mama, would you
like to play some cards?

Black-san, have you discussed
my raise with your husband?

Not now, Eddie, please.

In the meantime, I'll turn on television.
to see how sumo wrestling come out ...

No, Eddie. You cannot turn on television
to see how sumo wrestling came out.

Well Jacoby-san let me
look at sumo wrestling.

Well I'm not Jacoby-san,
I'm Black-san.

I will not work in the house where I'm
not allowed to watch sumo wrestling!

And where mama-san
gets the ice and irons the shirts

and I'm not allowed to have
a few more miserable yen!

I shall accept the offer
of the Canadian affair.

Eddie, wait ...
Wait a minute, wait, just a minute.

Look, I'm sorry.

We'll be out of here in a few minutes and
you can look at television to your heart's content.

And we'll talk privately
about your raise.

I am not respected.

It is an honour to have
you work here, Eddie.

Thank you, Black-san.

- Now what's this about a raise?
- Well you know how he is...

I said something to him, Jerry.
That's why he's so mad.

I think if you wouldn't interfere
with Eddie, Mama, we'd all be better off.

- She doesn't interfere!
- Alice, please.

Jerry's right.
It wouldn't happen again.

Mama...

There's something
I have to ask you.

Do you have to ask her now, Jerry?

Just because Eddie got upset?

It's not about Eddie, Mama.

It's about Mr. Asano.

Yes... you said he wasn't
exactly friendly. - No, Mama.

He was, I might say, extremely cold.

- Why?
- I don't know, Mama.

I'm trying to find out.

Now what happened on the boat
between you and Mr. Asano?

You know what happened.
We played dominoes and we talked.

- What did you talk about?
- Mama...

apparently Jerry had a very
bad day at the conference.

Due mainly to your
old friend Mr. Asano, Mama.

He refused to accept our proposals,
or any compromises

so the whole negotiation shattered into
a million pieces and we start all over--

What do I mean 'we'?

Somebody will have to start all over again
but without Jerry Black!

You were only one of 7 men at
the conference. It's not your fault!

Oh isn't it? Well if you had been there
today you might not be saying that, because

our Mr. Asano took a personal delight
in needling me, and in frustrating me

making it perfectly clear he couldn't
stand having me in the same room!

Oh he bowed and I bowed and then
we almost hit our heads bowing!

But he took no pains
to hide his contempt for me.

Everybody noticed it.

They went hurrying off
like bees to tell everybody else

it'll be better than dessert at
General Garretsen's tonight, believe me.

Why should he do this to you?

I don't know, Mama.

But perhaps you know the answer
better than I do.

Jerry, stop it!

Maybe he didn't like my suggestions on

the kind of fabric he should make

We do not discuss your suggestions
on the kind of fabrics he should make.

I just want to know what you said to him
on the boat after Alice warned you.

I didn't warn her, Jerry!

Whatever I was told to do, I did.

But what did you actually say?

You spoke to him again, didn't you?

Yes. When the boat landed,
he gave me his card

and said I should call him if I'd
like to go for a little sightseeing.

And what did you say after that?

- I didn't take it down in shorthand.
- Was he angry?

No, Jerry.

He was polite.

- Do you have to go on with this?
- Yes I have to!

I hate it, but I have to.

Look, Mama, I've only got
one more question.

Did you ever say to him that Alice and
I didn't want you to see him because
he was a Japanese?

Jerry!

What do you think I am? A crazy old woman
ready for a home for the aged?

I'm not a person? I haven't got a brain?
What am I, a schlemiel, an idiot?

- Mama, it's all right.
- What's all right?

It's all right I should sit in this house
afraid to open my mouth, that's all right?

Well it's not all right. I'm a
grown up person and it's not all right!

And I want to go home.

- Mama, we'll talk about you going
home some other time. - We'll talk now.

I've got a few dollars in the bank,
enough to take me back to New York

and bring me back to Tokyo
and take me back to New York again.

So for me you don't have to worry.

Mama, I don't want you to go.

And that money is your savings.

My savings for a rainy day.

And today the sun is shining?

I'm going home.

And I want no more cross examinations!

Jerry, talk to her.

Alice, your mother's a grown woman.

If she wants to go home,
she knows what she's doing.

Is that all you've got to say?

- Well then I'm going with her!
- Alice let's be reasonable!

Reasonable about what?

Jerry, I just wanted to find out something.

You come home hurt and wounded
about some rotten little conference

you shout and raise your voice, you act
as though both of us were your enemies...

- All right!
- I'm fed up! You're just like your mother!

Maybe he thinks
you're just like your mother.

Always in the wrong place
at the wrong time.

It's not your fault.

And it's not Jerry's fault.

It just happens.

Go in and talk to him.

You'll say A and he'll say B

then you'll get gladder.

Go.

Eddie, how far is this from here?

Ah, Asano-san!

It's in the district Denenchofu.

- Not far from automobile.
- So call me a taxi.

I can not call for a taxi. I'm gonna have
to go out on the street and get one!

And write me down on a piece of paper.

Write me down the address,
the telephone number, and where it is.

In Japanese.

You're sure you're writing it right?

Oh yes, Jacoby-san.

And write me on another piece of paper
where this house is and this number.

Jacoby-san, you don't know where you live?

Oh I know where I live.

776 Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn,
the United States, North America.

Come on, get a taxi.

Here's your taxi, Jacoby-san.

I told him where to go.

Oh Eddie!

Promise me you wouldn't
tell anybody where I'm going!

- If I can go to the movies tonight.
- Ask Black-san.

Black-san will say no.
You will say, yes.

Yes, Eddie, yes.
It doesn't matter anymore.

Thank you.

It says here.

Take me there, take me there...

Jerry, they're gone, they're both gone,
Mama and Eddie both.

- They can't be.
- I tell you they are!

Mama wouldn't go any place
with Eddie, Alice.

And I don't like her out
in Tokyo alone at night.

Maybe she wanted to be alone.

Maybe she wanted some privacy.
She always does when she's hurt.

I didn't mean to hurt her, Alice,
I've just been so worried.

I didn't help much either.
There's been so much tension.

Don't worry, darling. I'll bet Mama
just went to the movies. - I hope so.

You'd better hurry up and get dressed,
you're gonna be late for General Garretsen's.

You take longer to dress than I do.

- I'll wait for Mama.
- So will I.

- You've got to be there!
- We both have to be there

and we will be, as soon as Mama comes back.

Jerry, do you think
you oughta call somebody?

The Security Division at the embassy?

Nonsense. Go on and put your face on.

Hello, embassy?
This is Jerry Black.

Give me the Security Division, please.

How much is that, please?

- Arigato.
- Which house is it?

A number. Has it got a number?

One two three four five.
Five, like a number!

Please. Wait!
You've got the address!

Please...

Hello! Hello!

Is someone home there?

Please!

Excuse me, you know a Mr. Asano?

Mr. Asano, he lives around here...

Thank you.

Hello, Mr. Asano lives here, yes?

Mr. Asano.

Somebody speaks English here, maybe...

English?

Could I use the telephone?

Tele... Hello! Hello!

Please... call me a taxi.

A taxi.

Mrs. Jacoby.

What a surprise.

Oh, Mr. Asano!

I'm so relieved!

Please excuse me for
coming without calling up,

but I have to talk to you.

But you are wet through.
How did such a thing happen?

I came in a taxi, and I got out,

and he disappeared!

I've been looking all around.

There are no numbers!

Now it is you who will catch cold.

Please do me the honour
to enter my house.

Thank you.

It is customary to remove your shoes.

Oh... I don't mind.

Come this way.

Will you enter?

Please excuse the disorder in my house.

I don't like to trouble you, but if I...

My house is completely at your disposal.

This is my daughter-in-law,
Mrs. Ayako Asano.

How do you do?

She says, "Welcome,
it is good of you to come."

My daughter-in-law says
if you accompany her,

she will do her best
to make you comfortable.

Thank you, very much.

I hope I'm not disturbing
your supper or something.

It is an honour to have you in my house,
Mrs. Jacoby.

It is something for which
I have wished for a long time.

Thank you.

Madame Butterfly.

You look lovely, Mrs. Jacoby.

Will you do me the honour
to sit at my table?

I'm sorry we have no Western chairs, but,

I think you will find the zabuton
not too uncomfortable.

It's very comfortable.

So this is how you live.

It's like a travelogue!

It is a great honour that
you grace my house.

Mr. Asano, I want to talk to you
about something very important.

In Japan, serious conversation is not
apt to begin until after the formalities,

I hope you do not mind.

This is green tea.

I hope you find it agreeable.

Tea is tea.

Lovely flavour.
Tastes like hot parsley.

These are bean jam buns.

Served when we have the honour
of visits from an important stranger.

Delicious!

Tastes like...

cottage cheese.

My daughter-in-law will see that
you are given some when you leave.

Thank you.

Beautiful china.

Looks so lovely on the tray.

I have asked my daughter-in-law
to give you an identical set.

Oh thank you.

My daughter-in-law says she hopes you will
do her the honour of keeping the kimono.

- She feels it is most becoming.
- Thank you, but I couldn't.

Mr. Asano, I want to talk to you
about my son-in-law, Jerry.

Mrs. Jacoby, let me show you
my house.

We are a crowded island ...

and we endeavour, for instance,

to make our gardens appear

larger than they really are.

This is the home of my ancestors,
Mrs. Jacoby.

We have lived here many centuries.

At the end of the garden you will see
a small shrine.

When the weather is more agreeable,
I would like to take you to it.

- That would not violate your faith?
- God's house is God's house.

Never have I seen such a tree!

Like a pretzel!

Not even at Prospect Park!
Oh, how I love trees and flowers.

My daughter-in-law will see
that you have all the flowers you wish.

It's enough already...
Mr. Asano.

I want to talk to you
about my son-in-law, Jerry.

Mrs. Jacoby, I am forced
to break my own custom,

because there is something on my mind.

Yes? What?

I must confess I have been a little
angry with you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We had such a pleasant
relationship on board,

You made a dull crossing most enjoyable.

I'm very flattered.

And then suddenly
you saw fit to reassume...

a distant attitude.

This is not what I came to talk about.

I have the feeling that perhaps your
children were involved in this decision.

I'm very close with my children

However it is not the children
who should instruct the parents,

but the parents who
should instruct the children.

Not in America.

You are wise and venerable, Mrs. Jacoby.

And only the venerable ...

have the experience and maturity ...

to understand matters
of personal relationships.

Jerry also understands, Mr. Asano.

And if I did something
that made you mad at Jerry,

I beg you not to take it out in business.

When I greeted him today
in the usual manner,

he bowed too low.

That's because Jerry isn't used to bowing.

I would have preferred a Western handshake.

- But, Mrs. Asano, Jerry...
- Now it's time for sake, Mrs. Jacoby.

Rice wine.

It is served hot,

and I think you will find it excellent
against the inclement weather.

Thank you.

Kampai!

My family says 'l'chaim',
Mr. Asano.

We were talking about my son-in-law.

I assume you know the nature of
my business with your government.

Yes. I understand it didn't do so good
today, because you're being very stubborn.

Stubborn, no. Practical.

If we reduce our exports, it will mean
a loss of employment for our workers

and a severe blow
to the national economy.

But that isn't Jerry's fault.

Promise me you wouldn't
hold a grudge against Jerry.

My personal feelings are not pertinent,
Mrs. Jacoby.

This is a matter of principle.

So you'll give a little
and you'll get a little.

My government is well aware
that it must give a little,

the question is how much.

Originally, your government asked
that we reduce

our exports of velveteens
by 1 million yards annually.

They now ask that we reduce them
by 2 million yards annually.

And they didn't suggest
how you should take up the slack?

They only promised they would
use their best efforts...

That is a phrase frequently
employed by your son-in-law.

I regret, their best efforts
are not good enough.

You're right. You can't take
best efforts to a bank.

Aha, true.

I tried to talk to Jerry,
but my daughter does not like me to mix in.

If you have opinions to express,
Ms. Jacoby,

by all means, "mix in."

Well...

I really have no right. Because
I don't know anything about business.

I'm a housewife and a consumer.

And I'm only saying this
because of my davenport.

What is a 'davenport', Mrs. Jacoby?

These days they call them "hideaway beds."

By day it's a couch, and at night,
you pull it out and it's a bed.

Oh genius.

Well I have a davenport
in my apartment,

which, by the way, I still have
a lease on for another year.

On my apartment!

Apartment 2A!

Well, my davenport is a
beautiful piece of furniture.

Originally Sam and I bought it from
Callahan and Driscoll, on Livingston Street,

because Sam and Mr. Driscoll both belonged
to the Elks and Mr. Driscoll gave us a lovely price.

- How friendly.
- Mr. Driscoll was a regular prince.

And very smart too.

He was in some trouble in the Depression.

Because he only sold the best
Grand Rapids furniture

and who could afford it in the 30's?

The 30's were difficult even in Japan.

But Mr. Driscoll, he used his head.

He kept on selling furniture,
but he also put in mops,

and brooms, and clothespins, and ...

the things people could afford,
and couldn't do without.

He diversified.

Exactly!
He diversified.

And that's the first thing you should do.

I agree, Mrs. Jacoby, but in what area?

Our market studies have
so far given us no indication.

Market studies!

The best market study
is personal experience.

So... where was I?

Where was I?

I think you were with your davenport.

Oh, yes, my davenport.

Last year a company came to the house.

The Rosenzweigs, who live in 4B...

and Essie Rubin, who lives in apartment 1C,

and Essie brought along Mr. Wexler,
who's in the fountain pen game.

Well...

Mr. Wexler took from his pocket

his absolutely guaranteed
not to leak fountain pen.

So what happened?

Phht...
all over the davenport.

So Essie and Mr. Wexler nearly died.

The next day Mr. Wexler came over
with a special ink remover

which he also manufactures.

It worked. It removed the ink.

It also removed the material.

I feel very sorry for Mr. Wexler!

I couldn't be sadder. But I had
to have my davenport recovered.

So, I decided on baby blue.

Baby blue.

Baby...

Mm-hm-hm baaabyyy...

So...

I had to run around to A&S's,
Macy's, Gimbel's...

You know what you have to pay
for upholstery material in America?

My market reports indicate
a minimum of $2 a yard.

You go find for $2 a yard!

$5 is more like it.

So, maybe I came to it
all around the mulberry bush...

This is what I want to tell you.

Here in Japan,
with cheaper production costs,

you should concentrate on manufacturing
inexpensive upholstery material and you'll see!

You'll have no competition
in the United States.

Thank you, Mrs. Jacoby...

I will restudy the market research
in that field.

All you have to worry about is,
can you modify your looms?

- How do you know about that?
- I'm also practical.

So... So it's settled?

I'm afraid not, Mrs. Jacoby.

You see I have
a board of directors to deal with,

and stockholders,
and my government's views as well.

So why did you let me talk?

You may not have brought a solution, but
what you have done is to erect a signpost.

You have forced me to probe more
deeply, and I promise I will probe.

Good!

I had concluded
that today's meeting was final.

I have changed my mind.

As a compliment to you, Ms. Jacoby,

I will continue my discussions
with your government.

With my government
or with my son-in-law?

- With your son-in-law.
- Oh, thank you, Mr. Asano,

Thank you thank you! Oh dear!

Well, I've taken up enough of your time.
I'll go and get a taxi.

No no, Mrs. Jacoby!
You must stay to dinner!

That's very kind of you, but I've
already had a very early dinner.

- I do not think that is so...
- Yes...

No. You are afraid to eat in my house.

You have heard that we
eat raw fish and octopuses.

- I never heard such a thing, never!
- But it is true!

However, I have ordered
a special dinner for you,

to be served on a new set of china

and consisting of dishes
entirely compatible with Kosher.

- How do you know about kosher?
- You told me.

I told you?

On the boat!

She's such a nice lady.
I wish I could talk to her.

- She doesn't speak a word of English?
- Not a word.

But that is not very peculiar, Mrs. Jacoby,
because you do not speak one word of Japanese.

Who says?

I can speak...
I can say...

'moshi moshi',
which is hello on the telephone...

I can say 'dozo', which is please...

and I can say 'arigato,'
which is thank you...

and... wait... wait a minute
there's one more, now let's see...

I can say you're welcome, which
sounds like "don't touch my moustache!"

With those 4 phrases
you will always be happy in Japan!

- Arigato!
- Don't touch my moustache!

Mrs. Jacoby.

There is one thing I have not explained.

Have you observed this scroll?

Oh, it's very pretty.

- Is it hand painted?
- Oh yes.

It's an old Japanese art.

As you see, it shows an ancient empire
on one side of a bridge

and a lady of the court at the other.

The bridge symbolises that they are...
apart.

The question is:
should they cross the bridge?

Is there any reason why they shouldn't?

The emperor was a widower.

And there was much opposition
to his remarriage.

You don't say.

Despite his treasures, he was lonely.

- Oh, that's too bad...
- And when he met this lady...

he was much drawn to her.

Although she was from another province...

not a blood royal...

and indeed of a different religion.

However, after due consideration,

and the cutting off of a few heads...

- That wasn't nice!
- Perhaps not.

Thank you.

Finally, all opposition silenced,

he crossed the bridge to her...

slowly and steadily...

taking a great deal of care not to stumble.

Good.

So you think the emperor was right?

If they loved each other,
What business was it of anybody else?

They did not meet properly, of course,
through a...

nakodo.

A marriage broker.

They did not permit a proper lapse of time

as is our custom
in arranging betrothals.

We also have such a custom.

Sam and I kept company for two years.

As a consequence they did not
for instance go to plays,

concerts, and national events together,

so that they could learn
to know each other.

You think that was wrong?

When you're old there's not much time.

I think the emperor was right.

I'm not sure that I agree with you.

Why don't you agree?

What difference could it have made if they
went to plays, concerts, and national events?

- It's a question of etiquette.
- Ah...

Sometimes you can
carry etiquette too far.

I'm old-fashioned, Mrs. Jacoby.

I like to observe the proper form.

Mrs. Jacoby...

Would you do me the honour of
accompanying me throughout the winter

to plays, concerts, and national events?

Mr. Asano!

Mrs. Jacoby, I was sure that you understood
my allegory.

For me it was just a very
interesting story, I...

Mrs. Jacoby, given time,
perhaps we too might cross the bridge

and together achieve the serenity
of the enlightened spirits.

In the meantime,
it can do us no harm to be friends.

I would like very much to be friends.

Then shall we have dinner?

Dozo.

Mrs. Jacoby,
you are our most honoured guest.

Oh, Mr. Asano. All of a sudden
to be a most honoured guest!

Ah, good evening.

Good evening, Mr. Black,
I've been assigned to the Jacoby case.

Very nice of you to come, Captain
Norcross. Won't you step right in?

This is my wife.

Darling, this is Captain Norcross,
of the security division of the Embassy.

Delighted, Mrs. Black.

Why did you call it the Jacoby Case,
Captain?

Well that's just a convenient
identification, Mrs. Black.

- Won't you come in, Captain?
- Thank you.

- You're worried, too.
- Oh, nonsense.

Well so far, the news is very encouraging.

We've checked all the hospitals
and all the jails in the area...

and the morgue...

and all reports of automobile
accidents and other violence.

But so far as can be determined,
as of this very moment,

eliminating imponderables, of course,

Mrs. Jacoby is not involved.

What do you mean by 'imponderables',
captain?

Well we've not heard yet from the
prefectures of the outlying districts.

My mother is not in the habit
of going to outlying districts.

Well, one can't always be sure.

Just recently we had a case
of an American woman,

who was found with her throat ...

Well, that's enough of that.

Now tell me, was your mother
in any way mentally disturbed?

- Certainly not!
- Oh, darling, she was a little upset.

All right, Jerry,
let's tell the captain the truth,

she was more than upset!
We had a crisis here today!

- It wasn't really a crisis!
- Well let's not go into semantics, Jerry!"

Is your mother in the habit of going off
on these little jaunts all by herself?

Of course not.

Has she been out in the city much?
Sightseeing or perhaps nightclubbing?

I doubt if she's ever been
in a nightclub in her life.

- Have you checked our house boy?
- Yes, he wasn't home.

However the Japanese authorities
are posting a man,

perhaps a squad.

Shinjuku, where he lives, is not
a very savoury section of the city.

Oh my Lord...

- What's that?
- Somebody's in the kitchen.

Eddie, where've you been? Where's Mama?

Now listen, Eddie,
have you seen Jacoby-san?

- Do you know where she went?
- No sir.

I don't believe you, Eddie.
I don't like that look in your eye.

Please, Mr. Black. Allow me to do
the interrogation if you don't mind.

I am Captain Norcross, I am attached
to the Metropolitan Police.

Now I want you to answer
a few questions.

Of course I know that you
are not involved in any way.

No sir.

Where have you been this evening?

- To the movies.
- What picture did you see?

Hercules Unchained.

Now then, Eddie, have you any idea
where Mrs. Jacoby is?

I quit. I leave. I go to Canadian Embassy!

Oh dear!

Arigato!

Mama!

Mama, don't you ever dare leave
this house again without telling us
where you're going!

- Mama, we've been out of our minds.
- I was visiting.

Oh, how do you do?

- We are very relieved to see you here, Mrs. Jacoby.
- Well how do you do?

Mama, this is Captain Norcross,
he was...

- Well, he was looking for you.
- I'm sorry you were worried.

But time flies when
you're enjoying yourself.

Captain Norcross,
we're very grateful for all of your help.

Well I can see that I
won't be needed any longer, so...

- Good night.
- Good night and thank you very much.

Oh not at all. I'll see that
headquarters gets the good news.

And I would suggest, Mr. Black, that you
give General Garretsen a ting-a-ling

and tell them that our little lost sheep
has found her way home,

wagging her...

Well, good night.

You have received
many lovely gifts, Jacoby-san.

- Arigato.
- Do itashimashite.

Oh, Eddie...

That will be all,
and I'm sorry if we disturbed you.

- We'll work out everything in the morning.
- No need sir.

It is a great honour to work in the house
where Mama-san come home with a chauffeur

and so many wonderful signs
of the regard in which she is held.

Good night.

Well, I better put my packages in my room.

We'll help you, Mama.

Mama, where have you been?

Whose car was that?

Mama, did you have
something to drink?

I had a few hot cups of sake.

But where, mama? Where?

Did you ever have sake?

It tastes like hazelnut.
It's very pleasant.

We were going crazy worrying about you.

How many times I went crazy
worrying about you?

Mama, how much sake did you have?

I stopped counting.

How long are you going to keep us
in suspense? Where did you go?

I went to see Mr. Asano.

- Did he give you these gifts?
- Yes.

Did you ever see the way they wrap things?

It's a shame to open them.

In this package is bean jam buns,

pink and green.

And in this package is a kimono
with an 'obo'... an 'obi.'

And in this package, is a set of china,
service for two.

And in this package is a flower holder,
so I should make Japanese flower arrangements.

- What were you doing there?
- Well...

First we had tea and buns.

Then we had supper.

A little milk soup with egg drops.
Then we had, um...

- broiled fish.
- Mama!

We're not interested in the menu.

If you want to hear the rest,
you have to hear the menu. Sit down.

So... we had broiled fish.

And Alice, I could tell there was
nothing on it except a little butter.

We also had gingko nuts,
called silver prunes,

served on pine needles.

And with supper,
his servants played on long banjos

and a little upside down canoe.

Oh, Jerry, I had a wonderful time!

Then, later, Mr. Asano,

and his daughter-in-law and his servants
took me out to the car.

A car which both sides go up
so that I should get in.

- It's a Mercedes-Benz.
- What then? Mr. Asano should have a Chevy?

Jerry, maybe we have
a little sake in the house?

Mama, why did you go to see Mr. Asano?

Well...

I thought if I caused Jerry any trouble,
I'd try to fix it up.

- I hope you didn't try, Mama!
- I did.

- What did you say?
- Jerry...

you can't blame Mr. Asano. Listen.

First you ask him to reduce
a million yards of velveteen,

all of a sudden you ask him
to reduce 2 million yards.

- Is that a way to do business?
- Mama, you don't understand.

- We're having a lot of pressure put on
us by the Commerce Department! - Yes!

But this is liable to cause Mr. Asano
a very bad economic situation.

However...

if he can diversify he'll listen to reason.

- Diversify?
- You already had such a conversation, Jerry.

Yes, yes, on general terms,
and he rejected it.

Maybe now he wouldn't reject it.
I told him about my davenport.

Mama, you just can't walk into Mr. Asano's
house and talk about your davenport!

- This is a highly involved, technical situation--
- What's so involved?

Alice.

Hello.

Yes, this is Mr. Black.

Oh, hello, Mr. Putnam.

Well, my boy, I just received word
from the foreign minister

that there will be a meeting
tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock.

Oh, and Jerry. The foreign minister
pointedly suggested that you be there.

I think we can safely assume
that was Mr. Asano's idea.

So I suggested tomorrow,
you carry the ball.

And don't forget. Ten o'clock.

Yes, at ten o'clock.

Of course I'll be there, sir.

Good night.

Well?

There's a very important meeting
tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock

with Mr. Asano and the Japanese
representative of the textile industries!

Oh, Jerry!

Well, mama, I guess your conference
tonight was a success.

The government ought to
put you under payroll!

One high government official
in the family is plenty.

Jerry, we really should
have a little sake in the house.

Tomorrow I'll buy a case!

Mama, I hereby present you with
the first annual Jerry Black award

for patience and understanding.

One note of warning, Jerry.

It's only the beginning.
Nothing is settled, nothing is arranged.

You're just going to talk some more.

Only, Jerry...

Go on, Mama, you have
some more advice for me?

- I should give Jerry Black advice?
- You're holding back, Mama, please don't.

I wouldn't sound like a mother-in-law
they make jokes about.

Say whatever you want, Mama.

It's nothing important, only...

Well...

You know one of the reasons
Mr. Asano got mad?

You made a mistake, Jerry,
and bowed too low,

and he thought you were
making fun of his customs.

I know you weren't making fun.
You just didn't know.

I tried to learn as much about
Japanese customs as I can, Mama.

I just don't have much time.

And you don't have
much time either, Alice, huh?

With the socialising and leaving
calling cards and drinking tea...

But let me tell you something, children.

It's very important how you speak
to foreigners about the little things.

I know because I was a foreigner
for a long time.

And foreigners are very sensitive people.

And you don't have to overdo, either.

For instance, the way you treat Eddie.

You don't bow to a boy like Eddie.

Not because he's a servant,
and not because he's Japanese.

But because he is wrong.

It doesn't matter what colour a person is.

If he's wrong, he's wrong, whether
he's white, black, pink, or purple.

Nobody ever had a mother
like you in the world!

- Yeah? The whole world, huh?
- Mm-hm.

Mama, I've got a wonderful idea!

Why don't you two girls get dressed
and we'll go on to General Garretsen's!

That's where Mr. Putnam is, and I could hear
the music, and the 3 of us can make an entrance!

Listen...

And tonight you're going to wear
your black dress with the bugle beads.

Darling. We can't go.

Mr. Asano is coming here.

Here?

Jerry!

Jerry!

Jerry, Mr. Asano is coming here.

Here? When?

Tonight. It's a Japanese custom
called...

- What's that?
- According to Japanese etiquette,

if you make a visit on somebody,
he has to return the visit right back.

Why didn't he
just bring you home?

Because Mr. Asano is very formal
about etiquette.

And secondly, I wanted to give you
a little chance to be prepared.

- What will we serve him?
- Tea.

Mr. Asano is a very plain man.
Full of wisdom.

And I'd like you to get to know him a little,
and you'll see what an unusual man he is.

Don't laugh.
He thinks I'm smart, too.

Wait until the boys in the shop
hear that Mr. Asano is sweet on Mama.

And I think I'll just call General Garretsen
to explain why I can't be there.

Do you think if I toast some saltines,
and we've got some anchovies,

- Do Japanese eat anchovy?
- They invented them!

Then you wouldn't mind
if I go with Mr. Asano

throughout the winter to plays,
concerts, or national events?

- Why not? - Of course not,
Mama, you don't have to ask.

In this country,

when a man and woman go to plays,
concerts, and national events,

it means they're keeping company.

What did you say, mama?

Jerry, I'm sure Mama's
just using a phrase.

No.

When Mr. Asano says keeping company,

he means keeping company.

- Certainly you don't take it seriously.
- Mama knows it's impossible.

Don't you, Mama?

What did you tell him?

Mostly I listened, to a story about an
emperor who married a lady of the court.

Married?

Mama, you're a very smart woman,
you know what such a marriage would mean.

I don't have to tell you.
You can't be considering it.

- You just can't!
- All I'm doing is thinking.

Mama,
there's nothing to think about.

I know what I'm talking about.
I've been to lots of countries.

I've seen a great deal
of this kind of thing.

At the very best it's difficult, but with
you, Mama, it's... well it's ludicrous!

He means unsuitable, Mama.

Not for a woman like you.

Oh Mama, you're so bigoted
you can't even eat a piece of bacon,

now how are you going to marry
a Japanese?

- Enough!
- I'm sure if you think it over--

I said enough! I mean enough.

- Just let me say this, Mama--
- You said already!

You said bigoted.

Mama, we'd never stand in the way
of your remarrying if you wanted to.

If the man were...

Just let me point out
a few facts, Mama.

Do you understand
the problems of inter-marriage?

I will discuss that with Mr. Asano,
not you.

Mama, you're deliberately
evading the central question.

And the central question which aggravates
you is that Mr. Asano is a Japanese.

In Brooklyn,
when Essie Rubin said

she couldn't live with "that element,"

you got very excited.

Remember what you said?

Because if you don't remember, Jerry,
I remember.

You said, "If you want to stop prejudice
you have to stop it in yourself."

You forgot it, Jerry?

Or maybe you changed your mind?

And you, Alice.
You agreed with Jerry.

That was theoretical, Mama,
on a broad social play.

- It's different--
- When it strikes home.

Yes...

And now, my dear children,

I'd like to ask one simple question.

Who's bigoted?

That must be Mr. Asano.

So go answer the door, Jerry?

And put a smile on your face.

And don't stand there like all the
pipes in the house just busted!

And Jerry!

Don't say one word about this
to Mr. Asano, you hear?

Not one word.

Just go to the door and be pleasant.

- Good evening, Mr. Asano.
- Good evening, Mr. Black.

Won't you come in, please?

- Good evening, Mr. Asano.
- Good evening, Mrs. Jacoby.

Good evening, Mrs. Black.
I'm delighted to see you again.

Good evening, Mr. Asano.

Won't you sit down, Mr. Asano?

- May I offer you a cigarette, sir?
- No thank you. I do not smoke.

I was just telling the children what
a lovely dinner I had at your house.

I hope they will dine with me one evening.
Perhaps next Saturday?

Unless, of course, Mr. Black
you think it unsuitable

during these negotiations.

We would be delighted to come, sir.

You do not say anything, Mrs. Black.

Alice never talks much.

Nevertheless, I have a feeling there
is something she would like to say.

Please say it, Mrs. Black.

Mr. Asano, my mother has told me...

Well, of your conversation this evening.

- No doubt you were surprised.
- Yes, I was.

As a matter of fact,
I was more than surprised.

Alice, that's enough.

Please permit her to continue,
Mrs. Jacoby.

I don't quite know how to put it.

You do not approve.

Mr. Asano, I'm certain that if you
talked to your own family,

if you take all facts into account--

I'm sure, Mr. Asano, that upon
deeper consideration, you will--

Mr. and Mrs. Black,
I understand your views completely.

I can even think of arguments
which may not have occurred to you.

Because I am a Buddhist from Zhengzhou,
deriving directly from the teachings
of Prince Shotoku,

making things far more complicated
than you can possibly imagine.

But any final decision must rest
between your mother and myself.

We have the maturity, I hope,

to weigh such matters...
you...

have not.

Alice, I think Mr. Asano
would like a cup of tea.

- It would be a pleasure.
- Excuse me.

- Jerry.
- Yes, mama?

Please get me a sweater or something,
it's a little chilly in here.

- Yes of course.
- Thank you.

Do you usually keep your sweaters
in the kitchen, Mrs. Jacoby?

Please sit down, Mr. Asano.

It is apparent your children are agitated.

That's putting it mildly.

- Did you speak to your daughter-in-law?
- I did, Mrs. Jacoby.

And what did she say?

Nothing.

She would not dream
of questioning my judgement.

She wasn't shocked that you were considering
keeping company with a Jewish woman?

My daughter-in-law is not aware

of the theological differences
existing in Caucasian society.

If she has any objection,
it is simply because you are white.

I got the same argument
from the opposite side.

In view of that,
have you reached a decision?

Yes.

Mr. Asano ...

If 'keeping company'
means crossing the bridge,

then it's no.

You are acceding
to your relatives' views?

No.

Then may I ask
what prompted your decision?

First I'd like to tell you
what did not prompt it.

I don't care about gossip.

And I think we could work it out
that I'm orthodox and you're not.

But the answer is still no.

Yes, it's no.

And you know why?

Because I've been weighing it pro and con.

You don't want to marry me, Mr. Asano.

You're lonely for your wife
and somebody to talk to.

You look at me and you see her.

All right, she was Japanese
and she wore a kimono.

Tonight so did I.

I saw a great deal more than that,
Mrs. Jacoby.

No, Mr. Asano.

You are not over your mourning period.

Neither am I.

I'm very honoured, and very proud,

and deeply touched
by what you said to me tonight.

But you're not Sam.

Jacoby-san...

There is something
I neglected to say tonight.

In my way...

I love you.

You can take the green look off your face.

I told him no.

But not for your reason.

For my own.

Reasons that you didn't
give me a chance to tell you.

What did he say to you, Mama.

Only something for me to hear.

You think it was easy?

You think it wasn't good
to be treated with respect

and admired by a wonderful man?

And courted
the way Papa courted me years ago.

It was, I can't lie.

I had an evening
in which I was young again.

And it's over.

But at least I have another memory.

And maybe another regret.

And now, my dear children,

I want you to get me a ticket on the first
aeroplane leaving tomorrow morning

for International Airport New York,
because I'm going home.

Oh no, Mama...

We'll do better.

You did the best you could.

It made no sense for me to come,
and it makes no sense for me to stay.

You'll write me often,
and I'll write you back.

What are you standing alone, Jerry?

Come on in, the water's fine.

If oxygen should be required
due to a change in cabin pressure,

oxygen masks for each passenger

will automatically drop
from the service unit above your seat.

To obtain oxygen, gently grasp...

It doesn't happen once
in a million times.

You've flown before?

Certainly, so don't worry.

I'm sitting right next to you.
You got more questions? Just ask.

- Arigato.
- Don't touch my moustache.

# You hear me calling you #

# Beneath the window some sweet day #

# And when I'm calling you #

# Then you'll know I'm home to stay #

Yoo-hoo, Bertha!

Uh-huh!

I brought you my sterling silver
fruit bowl for the centre of the table.

Thanks, Essie, but the table
is just the way I want it.

Bertha, would you like me
to get the appetiser?

- That'd be very nice, Essie.
- Okie-dokie!

I still think my sterling silver fruit bowl
would look much better.

But it wouldn't be mine, Essie.

That little flower looks very skimpy.

- It's moriban style.
- Oh.

Another word you learned in Japan, huh?

Another word I learned
from the Japanese book of etiquette.

Bertha, you look stunning.

It's my $29.95 number.

I like the way you fixed the fish, Essie.

But you didn't put the horseradish
on the lettuce?

You only have red horseradish
and that's not for a formal dinner!

I'll run down to Waldbaum's
delicatessen and get some white.

Don't run, Essie.
Mr. Asano will enjoy the colour.

Besides, all you want to do is
get out of here to avoid meeting him.

Well frankly, Bertha, I'm very embarrassed.
Do I bow, do I shake hands?

You just act natural.

Oh.

Essie!

Hm?

There's a lot of neighbours on the stoop.

What did you do? Send a broadcast
that Mr. Asano's coming?

I just told the janitor!

It's a regular reception committee.
Mrs. Rosenzweig brought out her camp chair.

You know, Bertha,
you should've gotten a maid to serve.

It's not too late, my cleaning woman
is still in my apartment!

And she even has
a little cap with a black bow!

So let her keep her black bow. I don't
have to show off in front of Mr. Asano.

Essie. Sit!

You're showing off plenty with the dinner!

What'd you pay for squabs?

I wouldn't be bankrupt.

You know, Bertha, my daughter-in-law.
gave me a little whatchamacallit

that makes rosettes of radishes

and curled up celery

and the cucumbers
come out like little dolls!

- I'll go and make you some!
- Essie!

Don't go and make. Sit!

You decided on your vacation yet?

Not yet.

It's between Atlantic City
and the Virgin Islands.

That's some between.

- Essie. Be calm.
- Hm-hm.

- And close those doors.
- All right.

Yeah, come in, come in, come in!

Oh, Mr. Asano!

I'm so glad you came.

- Did you have a hard time getting here?
- No. I remember that you instructed me to

catch the Lexington Express
to Franklin Avenue

and then to change to a New Lots train

and to debark at Kingston Avenue.

After due consideration, I took a taxi.

I should have suggested that
in the first place.

Oh, my apartment.

Please come in.

And excuse the disorder of my house.

Oh. I'd like you to meet my friend,
Mrs. Rubin.

Essie, this is Mr. Asano
of Tokyo, Japan.

- I am honoured.
- Likewise.

Did you have a nice trip from Japan?

Oh excellent, thank you.
The jets are remarkable planes.

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I gotta go and get dressed.

I'm going over to someone's house
for a little potluck

and then we're gonna watch
the late and the late-late.

Every night on television, Mr. Asano,

there's an English movie and then
there's a picture with Bette Davis.

- I hope you enjoy the films, Mrs. Rubin.
- Oh thank you.

Very pleased to have made
your acquaintance, Mr. Asano.

- I hope to have the pleasure again.
- Likewise.

Sayonara!

- She's so flustered meeting you, Mr. Asano.
- It was charming of her to say 'sayonara.'

- It was charming of you to call me.
- It was charming of you to invite me to dinner.

And it was charming...

There must be another way
to start a sentence.

Please sit down.

I was so excited when you called...

I had so many questions to ask
I didn't ask one.

So, what brings you
to this neck of the woods?

- A variety of reasons.
- Business?

Only incidentally.

I understand you signed a very nice treaty.

A tentative agreement for a short period.

You will pleased to know that it involved
a certain degree of diversification.

- Are you happy with it?
- Not particularly.

But I am particularly happy
to see you again.

And I am also happy to see you.

My government has offered me a seat
with our delegation to the United Nations.

- I have accepted.
- Congratulations!

So I will be spending a great deal of time
here in New York in that great glass building.

That will be very nice.

Mrs. Jacoby...

I was present at a dinner
in Tokyo last week

in honour of our former foreign minister.

Your government was represented, along
with the ambassador by your son-in-law.

- Did Jerry do well?
- Very well indeed.

He commenced his speech in Japanese.

Not good Japanese but ... Japanese.

Which we all took as a great compliment.

Was my daughter also at the dinner?

Ah yes. Looking lovely in a deep red dress.

Many of my colleagues commented
on how attractive she was.

- Her eyes were shining.
- That's because I'm going to be a grandmother.

That is splendid news!

The best new I've ever had.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I'll just get my dinner in motion.

I won't be a minute.

It's a very handsome samovar.

It belonged to my grandmother.

Is that your grandmother's
portrait on the wall?

No, my mother's.

And the other portrait is my father.

This is your husband.

And your son.

Yes.

The son looks like the father.
Isn't it curious?

They both look like you.

I never noticed.

And now,
will you sit to my table, please.

Oh don't wait for me, Mr. Asano.
I'll be jumping up and down.

- Just make yourself comfortable.
- I'm very comfortable.

Your house has a warm feeling.

- It's very home-like.
- Thank you.

I hope you like chopped liver.

Thank you.

Excellent.

It tastes like...

bean jam buns.

- And what is this, Mrs. Jacoby?
- That's gefilte fish.

It's made from all different kinds of fish,
to represent all the oceans and lakes.

We ate it on holidays, the festivals,
and Friday nights.

- Oh, I didn't light the candles.
- Can I be of some help?

No. The lady of the house lights
the Sabbath candles.

I waited for you. I thought you
might like to see how we observe.

I would be most interested.

That's all their is to it.

I just said,
"Praised be to thou O Lord our God,

King of the Universe,

who has sanctified us
by thy commandments

and instructed us to light
the Sabbath candles. Amen."

Amen.

And now, we have a little blackberry wine.

I do not see my wife
in you now, Mrs. Jacoby.

I'm quite recovered
from my mourning period.

It takes time, doesn't it?

Of course it takes a little longer
for women than for men.

Yes indeed.

I see there are many plays in New York

and a series of concerts
at the Carnegie Hall.

And soon it will be Thanksgiving.

One of your important national events.

I hope we may celebrate it together.

For Thanksgiving, you'll come to my house.

Kampai...

Mr. Asano.

L'chaim...

Mrs. Jacoby.