All language subtitles for Westside s04e06ng

Me and Cheryl have something
we need to tell you.

We're getting married.

Where's Dad'?
Not here, is he'?

You ever feel like getting away from it all? Why
don't you just shoot in some time for a drink?

Is Ted OK with all this? You know I
don't need to ask for permission.

Back to the pub'? You'll be staying
away from the booze, though?

Cos you have a big job with
the gang this evening.

He's asleep. Get in! There's
a car coming down the drive.

Slow the fuck down, Ted!

You're drunk.

Thief_ You're gambling again_ I'll
replace the money_ Starting with this_

DISEMBODIED WHISPER: Mr Ted.
Mr Ted. Mr Ted. Mr Ted. Mr Ted.

Mr Ted. Mr Ted. Mr Ted.
Mr Ted. Mr Ted.

Mr Ted. Mr Ted.
(SIGHS)

WHISPER INTENSIFIES: Mr Ted. Mr Ted.
Mr Ted. Mr Ted. What? (SIGHS)

Mr Ted. Mr Ted. Mr Ted. Mr Ted?
Mr Ted. (GRUNTS)

(GASPS)
They're waiting.

(GROANS)
WHISPERS: Mr Ted! Mr Ted.

Mr Ted. Mr Ted!
(GROWLS)

(SIGHS, SNIFFS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

Any chance of breakfast?
Sit down, Ted.

(SlGHS)

All right. Let's get this over with.

You have got to get
your shit together.

If this is about last night - yes,
I got caught out after having a few.

Which has been pretty much
every night recently.

Jesus, Ted. Last night's
job was just embarrassing.

When have you ever turned
up to a job pissed?

Yeah. One of us showed up in
the state you were in last night,

Old Ted would've kicked our asses. Back to last night
later. Because there is a bigger picture here, Ted.

Exactly. As a role model to me, you've
left a lot to be desired, Mr Ted.

Yeah, Dad. You've kinda
turned into this joke.

You fuckin' stole from me, Ted.

Borrowed. You didn't tell
rne you were taking it,

so in my book, that is fuckin' stealing.
I've told you that I'll replace it.

That's not the point. And to be honest,
I'm fuckin' dubious if it'll ever happen.

I mean, look at you.
Ted, you're a fuckin' mess.

You are letting everyone in this room down, and
you are sitting there like you don't give a shit!

(SCOFFS, LAUGHS) Piss off.

This is my house.
Nah.

Get out.

This is our house. You do not
deserve to sleep under this roof.

Oh, Jesus. This is rich
coming from you, woman.

The amount of shit that I've put up
with over the years from y0u... Yup.

...and all the while, I've put food
on that table... Yup. Yeah, Ted,

you're a fuckin' hero_ ___l've been paying
the bills_ You were a fuckin' hero_

But pity we're talking about now.

When I don't see that man
standing in front of me. (SCOFFS)

All right, fine. I'll fuck off,
then. Huh'? That make you happy'?

I've got work to do.

(TENSE MUSIC)

(SCOFFS)

Hey, mate, um... couldn't crash
at yours for a bit, could I?

(BROODING GUITAR MUSIC)

(SIRENS WAIL)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(ROCK GUITAR MUSIC)

What the fuck'?! What in
God's name are you...'?

Riana. Well, you can call
rne Constable Adams.

Me and Brent, we were driving
along, going about our business.

I said, 'Bloody hell, there's Rita,
the one I was just telling you about'

And so he said, 'We should stop her so you
can say thanks.' Thanks for what, exactly?

My new job. You're the
one who suggested it.

Wow. So all the jobs in the
world, and you chose to be a pig.

Yeah, well, I had this understanding
of how the criminal mind works.

When I graduated from Trentham, they gave
me two choices - Gisborne or Henderson.

Good to see you again, Rita.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

Oh. Be sure to get
that tail light fixed.

Riana?
Yup. Riana.

Is there anything here that she
can get rne on? Over to you.

The books are clean, and beyond
that, I just sit at the counter.

How much does she actually
know about what you do'?

Unclear. But she hates my guts.
That's enough. (DOOR BELL CHIMES)

But a lot of people hate your guts.
Not all of them are cops.

Here as requested. Do I
get to know why? Yeah.

Your girlfriend. She's back.

Riana.
Riana. Yes. Fucking Riana.

And she's a cop. Seriously?
No,Bed.

Just a joke I made up to make
you feel better (!) About what?

About the fact that fucking
Riana is back and she's a cop.

Oh. OK.

OK? VVell, it kinda makes sense,
what with her starting criminology.

Yeah, well, the criminal she is now studying
is me, so you need to go and talk to her.

(GROANS) And say what'?

Go and talk to her, and find out what it
will take to get her to back the fuck ofl'.

(COCONUT ROUGHS 'SERRA LEONE PLAYS)
it Serra Leone. Serra Leone... it

What is this shit? Music of the future.
Made by computers.

Oi. We were enjoying
that, spoilsport.

Don't you have somewhere to be?
She's picking rne up. (DOOR OPENS)

Hey, who turned the music off? Me and
Sparks was having a little dance.

I don't think there are any
deserts in Sierra Leone.

Uh, it's in Africa. The whole place is like one
big desert. Which is apparently cold at night.

Yeah, no, but I thought Sierra
Leone was in the green part.

So it should be, 'So cold in the
jungle at night.' DUBIOUSLY: Mm.

Are jungles cold at night? Or is it a
rainforest? 'So wet in the jungle at night.'

Carol will know. Know what? Sierra Leone.
Desert orjungle?

Is this about the song'?
I like the song.

No, more the country in Africa.
Well, how would I know'?

You fly all over the world with your job.
Not to Africa.

If the song was about Wellington, it
could be both cold and wet. You ready?

Maybe.
Why are you not excited?

When I went shopping for my wedding dress, I
was so excited I couldn't say words properly.

Oh, it just seems weird shopping
for a dress you'll only wear once.

When you see the one you want,
you'll know what I mean.

And what about you, Wolf'?
What are you wearing?

Not a frock. You'd look good in a
wedding dress. Good call, Carol.

If I have to go frock shopping,
you have to find a suit.

GRUMBLES: Oh, but I don't wanna
wear a suit. Well, too bad.

Oh, you'd look good
in a suit, Wolf (I)

All of you. I want you
all in suits for the day.

But we can't afiord it. Then hire them.
If we are going frock shopping,

then the least you lot can do
is pull finger and get suits.

Cheers for this, mate_ No worries_
You've done the same for me in the past.

Till Rita would kick me out.

Couch OK? There isn't actually another bed.
No, couch will be just fine, thanks.

Oh, hey, Ted.
Hey, Teresa.

Ted's staying.
Rita's kicked him out.

Oh, I just needed to
get away for a bit.

Stay as long as you like_ Could be a
while, given the mood Rita was in.

A few days. Well, if there's anything
I can do to help, just sing out.

Will do. Thanks.

There you go, love.
Thanks.

She means, like, doing your washing and
stufli Yeah, I got that, Lefty_ Thanks_

(SIGHS)
Pub?

I got my wedding dress here. Mainly because
the woman was so lovely and helpful.

Can I help you'?
Hi. Uh, is Mavis here?

Oh, Mavis hasn't been here in years.
Oh, that's a pity.

I own this shop now.
Good.

OK. Um, my young friend here
is looking for her dress.

A dress for her. The one, you know, that will
become 'her dress' when people talk about it.

On her magical day.
Yes. That.

Like Charles and Di. (CHUCKLES)
Of course.

Look around. If anything takes
your fancy, feel free to try it on.

Just letting you know,
if you do decide to buy today,

anything that needs adjusting before the
wedding day, that's your responsibility.

Why would it need adjusting?
She means if you're pregnant.

I'm not pregnant.

(TINKLING PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)

Guessing Mavis was much
nicer than that bitch.

What's her problem with Charles and Di and their
marriage, that was clearly made in heaven?

Still, it's all about finding the right
dress, right? That's what matters.

Ooh! This one's nice.

(JAUNTY ROCK MUSIC)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Want one of these.

One of what? The plastic men.
You mean a mannequin, Sparky.

So you can root it? (SIGHS) Why is
everything always about sex with you?

Can I help you gentlemen? Yes. We're
looking for suits for my wedding day.

Uh, except me. I shall be
wearing my best man ie faitaga

to honour both my culture
and my manliness.

VVell, that takes care of one pr0blem_
And, uh, what sort of budget do we have

for dressing the groom and his party?
Money's not a pr0blem_

Well, that's good to know.
But let's just see how we go, eh'?

Have a look around. See if
there's anything you like...

or that suits your needs.
Are your suits fire-resistant'?

Remember that job down the rail yards where we
had to hide in that shed until it got dark,

and we found that bottle of rum? We were all pretty
shickered that night. Still got the job done.

Phineas wanted Bert to hot-wire
a train for the getaway.

LAUGHS: Exactly. So we've all
been there is what I'm saying.

Yeah, you cocked up,
but we can move on.

Gidday, Ted.
Oh, sorry, mate. Try the TAB.

Giving up on that as well?
No money to cover the bets.

And plus, the tickefis not
really in it, truth be told.

It's a bloody turn up for the
books, isn't it? What is?

Me on the couch;
you living the life of Larry.

Well... yeah, maybe. For now.

Bloody Theresa - she's a firecracker.
She's far too good for the likes of you.

I'm fucking Ngaire.

On the side.
What'? But Ngaire hates your guts.

And that, as far as I can
figure out, is what's driving it.

We fight, and then the
fighting leads to fucking.

Fight, fuck, fight, fuck. Yeah, right.
Yeah. It's like we're married again.

Except then I get to zip up and go back to
Theresa, so it can't be a bad thing, right?

Shit.
Teddy Bear.

Don't call me that, Iris.
(CHUCKLES) But that's what you are.

My teddy bear. Like the song.
I love a bit of Elvis.

You need to come with me_ Oh, we're a...
bit busy at the minute_

Bullshit you are.
And it wasn't a suggestion.

(ROCK MUSIC)

So, I hear Ted's staying
at Lefty's now.

Fair enough. And how long is this
state of afiairs meant to last?

Ask Ted. He's the one who
needs to get his shit together.

(DOOR SHUTS) Rita Ngaire_
So, how'd it go?

Well, the first thing you need
to know is I'm not happy. Bert.

How'd you go'?
OK. Didn't start so good.

I'm waiting for someone.
Bert Thompson.

Do I know you'?
Chris Amon Primary.

(SNICKERS) Grant.

Brent. Brent Grant. Yeah. Sorry. I got
confused, cos of the two first names.

Eh, never mind. Really
good to see you again, eh.

What was it that you used
to call me at school, again?

That was a long time ago, man.
It was Grunter, wasn't it'?

CHUCKLES: Yeah. Maybe
why you became a cop.

I had breathing issues. Yeah, plus the thing
where you kept taking your pants off.

Oh, that was you! You were always sneaking
up behind me and pulling them down!

Ben, I don't wanna hear about your
fuckin' school-reunion stories.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Hello, Ben.
Hi, Riana.

Rita sent you, eh? Oh, she said you
were back, so I thought I'd...

you know, say hello, and...
Say what she sent you to say, Bert

Yeah, she mentioned she saw you,
so I thought I'd see how you were.

Do you mind, mate'?
No. I'm good right here.

Bert, you were Rita's little Maori boy then,
and nothing's changed. That's a bit harsh.

Tell Rita that when she stays within
the law, we'll get along just fine.

Yeah. She's a cop now.
So... live with it.

(UNSETTLING MUSIC)

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

You left school, but I sent you letters.
You always said lots of love at the end.

I don't know if that was just politeness, but
when I said this is love, I read t0 the end,

checking to see that
your kiss is the same...

(LAUGHTER)

...by re-reading all
of your letters again. #

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Pwah, pwah, pwah! Pwah!
Hiyah! (RIP!)

(LAUGHTER)
Whoa, no!

Listen, you clowns. This isn't some sort of
dress-up shop for you to muck around in.

Do you louts even understand
the meaning of a good suit'?

Mate, we came here for a suit,
not a fuckin' lecture.

Look, this really
isn't working for me.

What in particular
isn't working for you'?

Everything. All of it.

Our dresses are classics. Well,
maybe I'm not a classic kinda girl.

Maybe you're not. Maybe I
should look elsewhere. Mm.

Maybe you should.
And maybe you're a stuck-up bitch.

Get out of my shop.
With fucking pleasure.

These suits... you
don't deserve them.

That's not very nice.

I don't think there's
anything for you here.

You might be right about that.

That didn't go so well, did it'?

You know what this place is'?

I've no clue.

It's the registered of lice of the All-Japan
Seaman's Association. (SEAGULLS CALL IN DISTANCE)

Do you know what that is? A place
where Japanese seamen associate?

(CHUCKLES) Very good. And, uh, what do you
think they do while they're associating?

I shudderto think.
They gamble, Teddy.

After weeks at sea killing all the whales, they park
their boats down at the harbour, and they come here_

To drink and to gamble away the
shit-ton of money they've earned.

And what's the one truth
about gambling, Teddy?

Don't get in debt to a dodgy bookie'?
The house always wins.

So tonight, after they chuck the
last drunken sailor out of there,

this safe will be stuffed
to the gunnels with cash.

Wait. Tonight'?
They kill all the whales, Teddy.

VVhales are beautiful. No, no.
I need time to set up the job.

Well, you've only got till tonight.
Well, I need longer.

What part of 'The money will be gone after
tonight' are you not fully grasping?

I can't just walk in there blind. VVell, I
can tell you everything you need to know.

I can even draw you a bloody map.

I take what you owe me, and then everything
over and above, we split. Right?

(SIGHS, SOFTLY) Fuck.

The rule here is if you break it, you
pay for it. Tell you what - I break it,

I'll pay exactly what
you paid for it.

(CHUCKLES QUIETLY) No idea what
you're getting at, constable.

Come on. You know I know
everything about you.

Are you still pissed off I made
you burn that bloody thesis?

Not at all. Getting into the real world, as you
put it, is the best thing that's happened to rne.

Hmm. Should be thanking me, then.

Pity it cost me the man I loved.

That was nothing to do with me.
It had everything to do with you.

Well, fine. Have it your way, then. But the
thing is, Riana, I'm actually about to pack up.

So unless you're here to buy
something- Thing is, Rita...

I'm in your world now.
And I know how you do things.

And one day I'm gonna make you
pay for what you did to me.

Got the message?

(SINISTER MUSIC)

Ringing in my ears.

I'm sure there's something biblical
in here about reaping what you sow.

You're the Doolan - I'll leave
that nonsense to you. (CHUCKLES)

I love the way you inspire
vengeance in people, Rita.

The point is - Ngaire reckons that the books
are solid, if they start poking around there.

So there's no need for
you to worry about it.

Do I look worried'?
I'm here as a courtesy.

And to keep the money flowing.
Danny, it's not funny.

Riana is a pain in the ass that
I can do without. My apologies.

It's just that the thought that Bert Thompson can
inspire an avenging angel is kind of amusing,

you have to admit.
She said she loved him.

Head, heart and balls.

Sorry? VVell, that's what
everything boils down to_

In my book.

(SULTRY MUSIC)

So, I hear you kicked Ted out.

The dress, the suits, the
invitation, the cake, the catering.

Turns out there's a million fucking
things you have to do for a wedding.

The flowers, the seating plan, the little bags of
sugared almonds, the thank-you notes afterwards.

Yes, there are about a million things you don't
think of. But they still need to be done.

Thanks for that, Carol (I)
Just telling you how it is.

Bert reporting as...

Hey, Carol. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
Bert.

Didn't expect to see you here. Yeah.
Rita called. She's not here.

Cheryl and I have
been shop-freaking.

What'?
For the wedding dress.

Oh. Cool.
Not even close.

Come with me. Eric will have
something that will calm you down.

EXHALES: Oh, OK. That sounds good.

What do you think it means? What means?
Rita calling you here when I'm here.

Do you think she knows?
How? It's Rita.

Ben.
Hey, Rita.

You know how you went and
talked to Riana? Yeah.

You need to go back
and do it better.

But I did that as good
as I could last time.

No, you didn't.
I think I did.

No. Because she came
to see me afterwards,

and my guess, from what she said, is
that she still has the hots for you.

Really? Cos I didn't get that.

She referred to you
as 'that man I loved'.

Maybe I should just go.
No, no. I need to talk to you.

And you need to talk to her, and then do whatever
it takes to get her to back the fuck ofl'.

By 'whatever it takes',
do you mean...?

Yeah, Bert. I mean fuck her.
If that's what she wants.

If she still has the hots for you,
then I want you to go to town on her.

Rita! You can't just order Bert
to go out and root someone.

Bert should be grateful that
Riana wants to root him.

And because it was Bert that brought Riana
into my family and started this whole mess,

Bert should do as he's told. Rita, l___
really don't think this is gonna work.

Oh, have some self-confidence, Bert.

And if that doesn't work, you can just
think about how it won't take long

till she turns her attention
to that chop shop of yours.

Go. Lie back; think of England.

How'd it go with the dress?
Bit of a disaster, really.

Yeah, I figured as much.
Time to call in the big guns.

(ROCK MUSIC)

That stuff I told you before -
that's just between you and me.

Wasn't planning on telling anyone.

Because of Theresa. And also, the whole situati0n's
a bit- Yeah, I'm not gonna tell anyone.

Ever
Cheers, mate. Means a lot.

Not sure how it's all gonna pan
out, to be honest. It's, uh-

Oh, look. Here's Phin.

Where are the others?
Neither of them were home.

Is this about a job'?
Yeah, that was the plan.

Vvhen? Tonight. Tonight?

It has to be.
But there's only three of us.

Look, there's a job that has to be done
tonight, with or without the others.

Are you in or are you out'?

In. Yeah, for sure. (HITS TABLE)

YOU summoned me?
I did.

You remember that night
we went to that jazz club,

and then ended up at the crypt
with those Austrian skiers?

Yeah, vaguely. That friend of
yours - we went to his house.

He gave us those really
wicked mushrooms. Errol.

Errol. Is he still alive'?

Sure. Why wouldn't he be? Because of
all the drugs that he liked to do.

Yeah, well- Yes. He's
still very much alive.

Good. Is this how we're dealing
with the situation now?

What situation?
The Ted situation.

We're going out and getting
dangerously wasted?

It's not a situation, and no.

Cheryl!

This is about the other stuff
that Errol can do for people.

MUFFLEDI Cheryl!

MUFFLEDI Cheryl!

VVHISPERS: Do you think if I don't say
anything, she'll think I've run away?

Cheryl, get your ass up here!
I've tried that my whole life.

But you can't hide.
(BOTH SNICKER)

You need to go with Bilkey.
Why?

Because you need a wedding dress, and Bilkey
knows the bloke who will sort you out.

It's not a trap.
You'll see what she means.

And how much is this
dress going to cost'?

Oh, I'll sort it, whatever it costs.
Really (?)

Oh Jesus. Why is everything
so complicated with you'?

I want my boy to feel proud of his wife as
you walk down the aisle... or wherever.

OK.

Great. Hallelujah.

OK, you lot. Cheryl has gone
to find her wedding dress.

Now? Yeah. Now. She is gonna look
sensational come wedding day,

and I pray to God that you lunks won't disappoint
her by looking like your usual selves. Right?

(KNOCK AT DOOR, DOOR OPENS,
ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

Hello. I'm Errol.

(THE PSYCHEDELIC FURS'
'LOVE MY WAY' PLAYS)

So, are you, like, a designer or something?
Yes, I'm like a designer.

And collector and an enthusiast.

Ooh, and a magician if need be.
Bilkey, you know what to do.

That would be making the drinks, I presume.
You presume correctly.

Now, tell me.

What do you want in a dress'?
Your wedding dress?

Well, how do you mean'?
Well, do you want to shock'?

Do you want to seduce'? Do you want
people to gasp or faint with envy'?

You can do all that with a dress?

Child.

With the right frock,
you can change the world.

IV: The prince and the princess emerge,
showing no sign of the long flight.

And then the moment more than 100 reporters and
cameramen flew from all over the world to see...

(CHUCKLING) Hey, wanker.
That's what the wankers get.

Where are you lot off to'?
Oh, just out.

We've considered your wise words.

Which ones? The ones about not
looking shabby on the wedding day.

Yeah. We don't
wanna let the side down. Nothing leads back to us. Remember?

Yes, Mum. It's the family motto.
Come on, let's go.

TV: ...via the airport terminal
building, but media officers...

What's that they say about
a woman's work never being done'?

VVell, maybe if we didn't spend half our time
dealing with the useless men in our lives.

Well, luckily, Cinderella, lam here
to take you away from the drudgery.

Is that so'?
Mm-hm.

Tonight I'm your Prince Charming.

Prince Smarmy, by the looks of you.
That is unfair and uncalled for.

Cos where I'm taking you, well, it
requires a certain dress standard.

So what did I do to deserve this'?
Well, you clearly need cheering up.

Shouldn't you be at home...

cheering up your wife'?
Ah.

Mary's gone down south for a while.
Oh. Hanmer Springs.

So we both need cheering up.
Luckily, I know just the place.

One catch is...
you have to wear this.

Well, not the bag, obviously, but...

And that's the only catch, is it'?

God, you're a suspicious woman.

(ANTICIPATORY MUSIC)

(ELECTRO POP MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(CLEARS THROAT)
Oh, hey.

I didn't think you'd show.
You sounded... sad on the phone.

Nah. Um...

would you like a drink'?

May as well, while I'm here.

The idea was one suit each.
A man needs options.

Well, what the fuck is that'?
He's wearing the suit I want.

Also, wanna try and see if
I can bring him back to life.

So, she's kicked him out, has she?

Ted and Rita are not currently
living together, no.

CHUCKLES: Ooh, maybe this is your
big chance. Oh, fuck's sake.

I admire Ted. That is all.

Mm.
And they always get back together. (CLEARS THROAT)

CHERYL: Uh, not so
sure about this one.

Well, we can't help you
if we can't see you.

Can we'?

(THE MOCKERS' 'CLEOPATRA' PLAYS) # She's got me
on her hook, and I think I'm getting warmer.

No. Next.

My girl thinks she's Cleopatra. Ah.
CHUCKLES: No, no, no. No, no, no.

My girl thinks she's Cleopatra.

(LAUGHTER) And she knows what she knows,
and she cares for that look in my eye.

She reads all the books for the
looks, and she never sleeps alone.

Na, na, na. Na, na, na.

It Na, na, na. Na, na, na... it

I like it.
WHISPERS: Yes.

Yes! Well, that'll work.
(LAUGHS DELIGHTEDLY)

(ROCK MUSIC)

When I was young, I applied to
join the police force. (SNORTS)

(CHUCKLES)
So what stopped you'?

Well, it wasn't the height thing, if that's
what you're thinking. I swear I wasn't.

No. The recruiting guy and I - we
didn't... see eye to eye on much.

Yeah? Yeah, he was a real prick. But,
uh, he was kinda right, I guess.

I was only doing it because I didn't
know what else to do with my life.

And when he told me to fuck
off and stop wasting his time,

well, I nicked his car from the car park.
(LAUGHS) (LAUGHS)

How come you never told me any
of this when we were together'?

Well, I never told anyone.

Till now.

Hey, um, do you want another drink'?

Yeah. But not here.

Let's go somewhere else,

somewhere where it's just us.

(ELECTRO POP MUSIC PLAYS)

(SULTRY TANGO MUSIC PLAYS)

(CHATTERING)

(TANGO MUSIC CONTINUS PLAYING)

Danny, I feel very out of place.
Nonsense.

This is totally your
scene. (CHUCKLES)

Do you know that everyone
in here is looking at you,

thinking, 'Who is this
woman in this drab coat?'

(TANGO MUSIC CONTINUS PLAYING)

Wow.

(TANGO MUSIC CONTINUS PLAYING)

Street music, street music,..

everywhere we go.

Street music, street music...
Pull over.

Huh? Just up in here. #
...the only thing we know...

(MUFFLED MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(CRICKETS CHIRP)

(SlGHS)

What? You do know you broke my
heart, right? When you dumped rne?

Well, you didn't
leave me much choice.

Because of Rita'?
You wrote all those things about me.

Took me ages to get over you.

So... you are over me'?

Oh, yes, Ben.
(CHUCKLES) I am so over you.

Well, then, what are we
doing parked up out here'?

(SIRENS WAIL)

(GROANS)

What the fuck'?!

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Get out of the car.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Turn around. Riana, all I
was trying to do was talk.

I said, turn around!
Or what'?

(GRUNTS)

Argh! Hey, this is
police brutality!

PANTS: This is bullshit!

Riana, this is complete bullshit.
No, Ben.

What's bullshit is that Rita thinks that she
can send you to me with your puppy-dog eyes,

that you'll buy me a drink, and
that everything will be ka pai.

What's bullshit is that you're
still her fucking lapdog.

Hey! I was trying to make
things right between us.

You know that broken-heart thing you was
going on about? Yeah. That was true.

Till I meta real man.
(PANTS) Oh, what'?!

You're with Grunter'?!
Don't call me that. (GRUNTS)

(YELLS) Yeah. I'm with Brent now.
And he's a good man.

No, he's not! (GRUNTS) Argh!

And he loves rne, and he'll
do anything for rne. Yeah,

including breaking the law
and beating up innocent people.

(GRUNTS)
Argh! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

There's nothing innocent
about you, Bert. (GROANS)

You're just as bent as she is.
Hey, hey! Hey, you can't arrest me.

I haven't done anything wrong.
We're not arresting you, Bert.

We're sending a message.
What about my bloody car, Riana?!

(SULTRY TANGO MUSIC PLAYS)

(SPEAKS FRENCH)

CHUCKLES: See? You're a hit_ VVell, I
will tell you one thing for nothing.

There is no way that I am
getting up and doing that.

What if I said I could change
your mind about that'?

I would say, 'Good luck.'

Danny Peters,
are you proposing to me'?

Cos there are a couple of problems
with- CHUCKLES: Open the box.

Now, one of the things I like about
what I do is I meet interesting people.

Like this bloke.
He's a psychiatrist,

and the last time he was in the States on a
conference, brought back these beauties.

They use 'em to cheer people up.
Is this, like, acid?

Because acid and me, we go to
some very dark places. (CHUCKLES)

It's called Adam, and they're
completely legal. For now.

For now'?
Mm-hm.

Something this good
won't be legal for long.

You know, it's much more fun if there's
more than just one of us doing this shit.

(TANGO MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Now we wait.
For what'?

Ah. You'll know.

(SULTRY TANGO MUSIC SWELLS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(CRICKETS CHIRP)

WHISPERS: Power.

Are you sure you've got
this sussed, Ted? Shh.

Cos if this is another bullshit job-
HISSES: Shut it!

OK, let's go.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(ROCK MUSIC)

Either that is a really big hat
or you've got yourself a dress.

(CRICKETS CHIRP IN DISTANCE)

Hell yeah, I have a dress.

Can I see it'?
CHUCKLES: No.

Not till the wedding day.
Those are the rules.

Well, I don't know
if you've noticed this,

but I'm not particularly good
when it comes to rules. Ha_

No, but touch that dress,
I'll break your fingers.

Well, I guess I can wait.
Yes, you can.

WHISPERS: So you guys better have awesome
suits, because my dress is fucking amazing.

The suits are sorted.

Really?
Yup.

Busy night.
Successful night.

OK. Here we go.

(CLICK! ZAP!)

Live!
(CRACKLING)

MUFFLED: Ugh. ls the horrible smell
a part of the reanimation process?

It might be.
Ugh.

(DOOR OPENS)

Your time will come.
(COUGHING)

(ROCK MUSIC)

BERT: This against the law!

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Police abuse!

These are my rights being abused
by you pigs! What is that?

VVho cares? (CHUCKLES)
Fuckin' pigs!

Shut up, Ben. No one cares.

Rita sent you to get me to back
off. I'm sending my message back.

You tell her I'm not going anywhere.

And I'll be in that courtroom
when they send her away.

You hear?

Tell Rita what I said.
What about my car'?

The keys are still in it! Maybe
it'll be there when you get to it.

Maybe it won't. There are
some dodgy types around here.

That car is a step too far, Riana!

Wait! (GRUNTS)
Hey. Hey, hey, hey!

Yeah, yeah, take these off me, mate.
SOFTLY: Do you remember school, Bert?

Do you... remember...
school... Bert'?!

Seriously, mate,
you can't leave me like this.

(PANTS) This is against the law!

This is fuckin' police something.
Fuck! (CAR ENGINE STARTS)

Fuckin' pigs! Yeah, ya fuckin' pigs!
Yeah, ya pigs!

It's OK, Mr Bert
I can pick the lock.

Trousers, Falani.
What the hell is all this racket'?

It's the... middle of the night.

(GROANS)
What is wrong with you people'?

Hey, Wendy!
God.

Bye, Wendy!

OK, we need to go up a few floors.
Should be a stairwell over here.

Why do they call the camel
the ship of the desert?

I dunno.
Lefly, no.

Cos it's full of Arab semen.
Thought they were Japanese seamen.

Lefty, I've warned you about
telling jokes on a job.

How did the seamen fit in the camel?
Fuck! God. Fuck it.

Maybe it's this way. Come on.

(SULTRY TANGO MUSIC PLAYS)

(ETHEREAL CHIMES)

(TINKLY MUSIC CONTINUES)

(CHUCKLES)
What'?

You become this whole other
person when you smile. (SCOFFS)

I'm not smiling.

(BANG! BANG! CRASH!)

Who locks a blimmin' stairwell?
That's gotta be illegal.

Yeah, well, be sure to tell the
Council right after we're done.

Come on, let's go.

(TENSE MUSIC)

This place is giving me the creeps.

Ha. What the...?
Good job, Phineas.

Doesn't matter. Come on.

I'm not sure about this job, Ted.
Will you just shut up, Phineas?

Hey.

Shine it over there. Yeah, that's it.
Phin, stay here. Keep an ear out.

Oh. Can I have the torch?

We need it to crack the safe. Yeah, but
I'll be in the dark. Oh, don't be a girl.

Come on.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Lefty, what the fuck'?
Bloody useless thing.

Look, I swear I put
new batteries in it.

It's this bloody-
Just shut up, OK'?

(SOFT CLICKING)

(SULTRY TANGO MUSIC PLAYS)

Come on.
(SIGHS) No.

Danny, I am not getting up there. Nobody
cares what we do. Come on. Come on.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(MUSIC SWELLS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

WHISPERS: Come on.

(MUFFLED VOICES SPEAK JAPANESE)

(SULTRY TANGO MUSIC PLAYS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

WHISPERS: Hey, the Japs are coming.
What?! The Japs are coming!

Shh!

(SULTRY TANGO MUSIC PLAYS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

WHISPERS: Now would be good.

(TENSE MUSIC)

(SOFT CLICKING, CLICK!)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

SOFTLY: Holy shit.

(SULTRY TANGO MUSIC PLAYS)

(MEN SPEAK JAPANESE)

Doesn't matter that it's Jap money.
Well, money's money, right'?

The Japs are coming up the stairs.
(MUFFLED VOICES SPEAK JAPANESE)

Oh. Well, guess it's
probably time we left.

(SULTRY TANGO MUSIC PLAYS)

(MEN YELL IN JAPANESE)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(MEN YELL IN JAPANESE)

(MEN YELL IN JAPANESE)

(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

(MEN SHOUT IN JAPANESE)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(PANTS)

(MEN YELL IN JAPANESE)

(MOANS)

(MEN YELL IN JAPANESE)

(TANGO MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(MOANS)

(GASPS, MOANS)

(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

(LAUGHS)

(HEARTFELT BAR MUSIC
PLAYS IN DISTANCE)

So, what's the exchange rate?

The exchange rate is, um... Oh,
hang on a minute. Let me think.

WHISPERS: Whatever
the fuck I say it is.

Are you questioning my honesty?

You're just lucky
I'm secretly in love with you.

Honest enough for you, Teddy Boy'?

So we're square'?

Unless you fancy a little wager.

Uh, no thanks, Iris.
Those days are gone.

(HEARTFELT BAR MUSIC
PLAYS IN DISTANCE)

(MELLOW GUITAR MUSIC)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(ZAP!)

SPARKY MUFFLEDI Live!

(BITTERSWEET PIANO MUSIC)

I sit here in total darkness,

far from being asleep,

as my lover weeps.

I think I'll have to...

No idea where she is.
Doesn't matter.

Standing here in total silence,

far from where you breathe.

How did you go'?

Ted West is back on the job.
Something like that.

Cheers.
ALL: Cheers.

Or is it better if I leave?

Ah.

Should I be good

or should I be evil'?

Gotta see the vision,

so truth can be revealed.

Should I be good

or should I be evil'?

Stand yourself in my shoes,

and tell me how you feel.

Should I be good

or should I be evil'?

Gotta see the vision,

so truth can be revealed.

Should I be good

or should I be evil'?

Stand yourself in my shoes,

and tell me how you feel.

Oh.

Ah. Mmm.

(ROCK MUSIC)

You little pervert!

You can run, but you
can't hide, you creep!

Find a best man.

Can I just say that I will be the best
best man in the history of best men.

There's someone coming.

(TYRES SCREECH)

Sinking a nuclear warship -
is that a good idea'?

She's going to explode.
She's not gonna explode.

We just need to work
out where she's gone.

(BOOM!)

Ted. Fuck! Thought
I'd kicked you out.

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