Original subtitles

You're my man on the inside.

Sooner or later, these protesters

are gonna start breaking the law,

and I wanna know before they do.

Men are pigs.

No way am I ever getting married.

Come on, love.

You know you really want me.

No, I don't.

I need someone to be attracted to me.

OK, is it just me, or areyour wives also acting weird.

Rita's fine.

Thank God for rugby, I say.

They called the game off.

It's about Mammy.

[music - toy love, "rebel"]

[SINGING] His teeth as hesmiles are white and glistening.

He don't know the name ofthe song he's whistling.

He says what he likes,'cause nobody's listening.

He's a mod, and he's a rebel.

Lives so high 'cause he knowshe'll never find his level.

Did Mrs. O'Driscoll die of natural causes?

Yes, love.

Can I come to the funeral?

No, love.

If they're not final, then bin them.

And of course, there's this.

We've got a funeral to get to.

Can I come to the funeral?

No.

Phin, sweetie, almost there.

Well done.

Stop hogging the paper.

I need to know about Lady Di's dress.

"The dress by David and Elizabeth Emanuel

remains a closely guarded secret."

What's a man doing designing a dress?

Must be a puff. - Dad, they're married.

So?

When did that ever stop anyone.

You're married.

- But I'm not a puff, am I?- Hurry up.

You don't wanna be late for school.

Listen to your mother.

Anyway, what does isit matter what she wears?

CHELSEA: It's her wedding day.

Of course, it matters.

Wedding days are forever.

I said, hurry up, go.

It's not gonna be the full,bloody Catholic number, is it?

I have no idea, Lefty.

So have you got enough change?

All present and great.

Right, see if you canunload some of these lemons

while everyone's caught up in the romance.

Aw, they're works of art, these are.

Shame you spelled Diana with two N's.

Oh, she's a slice ofgorgeous, however you spell it.

Oh, and that snap of hairand that see-through frock.

Do you think she'll keep itup with the wedding dress?

Hello.

Get out.

There's something I need--

I said, get out.

Who's that lady?

She's no one.

You have to stop this.

You're making your father angry.

FATHER: Rita, inside!

She's no one at all.

[theme music]

THEME SONG: Watch your back.

Watch your back.

When you're walking down the alleys.

Watch your back.

Watch your back.

When you're out on the street.

And there's a strangeron the street these days.

You can't see it through the fog and haze.

Well, everybody's going crazy.

Everybody's going crazy.

Everybody's going crazy.

No shit.

Thank you.

I could come with you.

No, you couldn't.

I could be your date.

It's a funeral.

You can take a date to a funeral.

Not me.

Not you.

And certainly not to this funeral.

Don't you want your gang to meet

this dolly bird you've beenginning off to Sydney with?

Not when the dollybird's you.

You know, for a career criminal,

you're not very daring.

Which is why I still have a career.

Phineas, he's the brooding,angry one with mother issues,

right? - Hm.

Dead mother issues now.

Oh, he sounds complex.

He isn't.

I wanna meet him.

He's not ready to meet you.

There's no way I can change your mind?

No, no.

Steve, you're not coming to the funeral,

and you're never meeting these guys.

Are you ashamed of me?

No.

I just know they're not ready.

They never will be.

Is it OK to break the law for a higher good?

Every time someone asks that question,

or when I found myself in a position

where I might be about to break the law,

I ask myself, what would Blair Peach have done?

You haven't changed your mind?

I can't.

I gotta go to that funeral.

This one's actually deceased?

Yeah, my friend's mum.

You know, he'll be taking it real hard.

[speaking maori]

That's "I'm sorry" in our language.

Oh, you said that real nice.

And I'll look for you on the news.

We'll be the ones atthe South African embassy.

Oh, good luck, eh.

It's just another march.

I mean flying down to Wellington.

I hear the landings arereal mean if it's blowing.

I'm sure we'll be fine.

That's where I'm staying.

If you wanna call me.

[speaking maori]

Do we have to wait here, rightoutside the bloody cop shop?

Yes, because I'm too bloody busy to traipse

across town just so you cantell me you don't know nothing.

Well, I know there's gonnabe marches all over town.

I know.

Now this place is a ghost shipbecause most of the bloody cops

in West Auckland are beingsent into town in case you lot

get difficult again.

Jeez, they're evening talking about me having

to put on the uniform again.

[chuckling]

And if that happens, Bert, the first person I

hit with my baton will be you.

Yeah, well, if they called offthe tour like they should have,

none of you would have to go anywhere.

Thanks for thatstartling piece of insight.

Look, I've gotta go.

Phineas's mum passed away.

Mammy's dead?

That's what I said.

And here I thought her kind couldn't die.

Catholics?

At least something like that, Bert.

Jesus, Phineas must be a bloody wreck.

Hi, sweetheart.

how are you?

Phineas's brothers and sister are here.

They make me a bit nervous.

And how's Phineas?

He's gone very quiet.

Hardly spoken since he got the news.

And he hasn't punched any walls.

That's usually what he does when he's upset.

He fixes them after.

He's real good at fixing walls.

Well, his mammy meant a lot to him.

He's probably just in shock.

I guess.

And I know it's terrible that she's dead,

but why did the bitch have to go and die now?

Would there be a better time?

Any time.

Any time would be finewith me, but not this week.

Carol had plans to watch the royal wedding.

I've been looking forward to it all year.

Trust mammy to ruin my special day,

like she ruined every otherday of my bloody life.

And I'm so terrible for even thinking it!

Well, let's just try and get through it, eh?

You know, for Phineas.

Come on, love.

Three fucking hours.

I know.

Jesus.

It's no wonder Catholics arebloody miserable all the time.

No offense, Father.

No, none taken.

You're not born a Catholicto enjoy yourself.

I don't suppose I could trouble you?

Yeah.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Cheers.

You're all friends of Phineas, I take it?

Yeah.

And none of you are of the faith?

- Methodist. - Dutch Reformed.

- Atheist. - Don't know.

Yet, didn't I see youall come up for communion?

I needed a drink.

Yeah.

- Chance to stretch the legs.- Yeah.

The two hour barrier, that can be a tough one

for the uninitiated.

And being an atheist, I don'tsuppose you worry that you'll

be going to hell for that?

I leave the likes of heavenand hell to you and Nora.

Nora, bless her.

Nora O'Driscoll, a complicated woman.

Difficult in life, but in death?

Oh, dear.

She'll be up there shoutingat St. Peter, will she?

If he lets her in.

That's probably why shewanted the extra prayers,

that bloody woman!

What's she done?

Nora was always stirring.

But now she's outdone herself.

Would you say that Phineascan be a violent man?

If the mood takes him?

Uh.

Yeah, absolutely.

Bit of an understatement, really.

Are you sure?

I mean, that's such ashame, isn't it, Phineas?

But it was lovely to see you all, wasn't it?

Phineas, you need to see your family out.

Say goodbye to them, all right?

I'll just pop this down.

Come out and wave bye-bye.

Patrick and Colleen and Shawnhave to go back to Marsden

to milk the cows.

Really?

They couldn't find someoneelse to do that for one day?

Also, I think Phineas iskind of freaking them out.

I can relate to that.

But you know what this means, don't you?

It means we could still do the plan.

Which plan is this?

Our plan.

Being there for Lady Di.

I thought you shelvedthat plan when Mammy died.

And now I'm unshelving it.

Of course we can do it.

Are we still doing the dress part of the plan?

Yes, the whole plan.

Is Phin here?

He's outside, saying goodbye to his family.

They've fled.

Fled what?

Nora said Phin was theonly one who didn't know.

CAROL: Didn't know what?

Oh, God, what's he doing here?

That's some bloody nerve.

What are you doing here, Trotsky?

No, I wanted to come, pay my respects

to Phineas on his loss.

Didn't think you liked Nora O'Driscoll.

I wouldn't say I liked her.

Bloody difficult woman tolike, but I respected her.

I remember when I was a constable,

trying to arrest Phineasfor doing something stupid.

Nora called me an oppressor of the state

and kicked me in the nuts.

Well, she had her good qualities.

She was a small woman butwith the boot of Don Clark.

Phineas is with his family.

Yeah, I saw them outside.

I'll catch him when he comes back in.

And in the meantime, I mightjust grab myself a curried egg.

Yeah, that's right.

Get your snout in the trough.

Good sendoff, was it?

Long, but the-- the hymns were nice.

I very much enjoyed meetingup with you on Saturday.

You might want to avoid the devils on horseback.

Carol can't make anythingshe doesn't burn.

In fact, I can't stop thinking about it.

Hello, hello, hello.

Here for the free food, are you?

I might just check on the sausage rolls.

I think there's pork on the sausage rolls, Mike.

Would that be cannibalismfor your kind?

Funny, Lefty.

Never heard that one before.

Oh, have they gone already?

That was quick.

How are you, soldier?

Father Murphy, uh, just wantsto have a word with you.

Something about your mammy.

This is all a bitbloody awkward, isn't it?

Do you need money?

No.

No, your sister made a generous donation

to the church restoration fund.

Bless her.

Shall we get on with it, Father?

God save me.

As you know, I spent a lot oftime with your dear mother.

She really liked your weekly visits.

Used to get real angry when you missed one.

Yes, she did.

Anyway, on one of our visits, um, your mother

gave me this letter andasked me to give it to you

in the event of her death.

This is her will?

No, it's not her will.

- Is this about her house?- No.

A bequest?

No, you need to--

the lad can read, right?

Of course, I can bloody read!

Just a bit difficult right now!

True, she-- she had an old fashioned hand.

Maybe I could try.

Thanks, Ted.

"My dear son, it's playedin my mind for many years,

that I haven't beenentirely honest with you."

I'm thinking we kick out the stragglers,

then get our frocks on and meet at yours.

We have to do the frocks?

Yes, so we're there with LadyDi, in our dresses, in support.

It's like Phineas and the All-Blacks.

They can't win if he's not watching.

[screaming]

Phineas.

He's punched something.

[screaming]

And some more things.

Fuck!

Phin?

Phineas?

What the hell?

Phineas?

Phin?

Phineas?

I'll be on my way.

God be with you.

Phineas is gone.

What just happened?

Uh, Phineas, I'm afraid,had a spot of bad news.

Mammy wrote a letter for him.

In it, she explained how,some years ago, she--

she kind of had an affair.

Jesus, Mary, and all the saints.

After all the crap she threwat me about being a slut?

This is Nora that you're talking about.

It was many years ago, after the war,

with a member of the Maori battalion

who stayed on afterwards,and who went on to join

the Belfast Constabulary.

Phineas isn't black Irish, is he?

I knew there was no such thing.

So Phineas is part Maori.

Half Maori, and half cop.

[chuckling]

Bugger me days.

Mammy got it on with a plodder.

It's not bloody funny, all right?

After all the gip gave me allthese years, I beg to differ.

Bloody mammy!

Poor Phineas.

I need to find him.

No, Carol, Carol.

The lads can do that.

Can we?

Yes, you can.

By following the trailof destruction, presumably.

Then we can all meet back at our place

and watch the royal wedding.

Do we have to?

Yes, for Carol.

Right, guess we'll make a night of it.

Come on, lads.

You are such an amazing friend.

It's nothing.

Go get your stuff.

Well, it was all rather special.

Enjoy the wedding, ladies.

I'm sure it'll be anight to remember, asshole.

[music playing]

No sign of him.

I think that's a clue.

What is?

Yep, sure looks like his handiwork.

But where's he going?

Come on, where would he go?

Think like Phineas.

I'll try the pub.

He might blame God, being Catholic and all.

Of course.

The messenger.

He'll wanna talk to the messenger.

Or kill him.

Open up!

I know you're in there.

I know you're in there.

Open up, you fucking bastard!

- He's not in there, Phineas.- This is his church.

He must be in there!

I think if Father Murphy's wise,

he'll be a long way from here.

And very drunk.

He made her write that letter.

No, he didn't.

Why would he do that?

Fucking church are real fucking sneaky like that

sometimes.

Phineas, your mother wrote the letter, OK?

It's all true.

No, it's not!

Open up, open up, open up!

- Hey, come on, mate. - Open up!

I know you're in there!

Look, Phineas, we know that you're angry.

Maybe if we all just go get adrink, you know, talk about it?

Yeah, a drink would be good.

That's the spirit.

Come on, mate.

Wow.

It still fits?

Mostly.

Some places are a bit snug.

You should get changed into yours.

Well, that works.

Have you found him?

They're bringing him in now.

Thank God for that.

In a manner of speaking.

What's this fancy dress now?

It's my wedding dress.

Or, it will be, when I get all the way into it.

Let me.

Thanks.

Also lovely.

Hello, sweetheart.

You look beautiful.

Baby.

Don't touch me.

Why?

What have I done?

Why did you marry me?

Because I love you.

It's all a bloody sham, though, isn't it?

- OK, uh-- - Hey?

Phin-- Phin just needs a beer, so, uh,

let's take it downstairs, eh?

Great idea.

Didn't know you still had that.

Yet, here it is.

Still got the legs for it.

Should I come?

Uh, probably better ifyou just give us a minute.

You ladies are looking lovely. - Thanks.

You should get your wedding dress on.

I would, but I don't actually have one.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry.

I never would havesuggested it if I'd known.

Known what? Nothing to know.

Who needs a gin.

Me, easy on the tonic.

All good here, love?

Yeah, box of fluffies.

You can go and look after the real disaster.

Read 'em and weep, boys!

We got a game going.

Too bad.

Scoot.

You can't tell me to scoot from my own house.

But I can, 'cause it'smy house, and I pay for it.

Bugger off somewhere else.

Out!

Fascist.

I want to offer my condolenceson the passing of your mother.

You didn't even know my mother.

But I hear she was awoman of faith and virtue.

And the Bible tells us agood woman is above rubies.

And it's a lovely thought,Falani, but off you go, eh?

Here you go, mate.

Righto, should be safe down here.

Not a bouquet in sight.

A-bloody-men to that.

NEWSCASTER [ON TV]: What agreat day, not just for Britain,

but for the whole commonwealth.

Mrs. Carol, you are truly beautiful.

Don't be silly.

You're a vision ofloveliness, all that is pure.

Stop being a girl.

Don't be late.

Don't get into trouble.

Oh, my God.

Do you think when Phin looks at me,

he'll see his mother, what his Mammy did

with that Maori battalionguy is, you know,

like what I did with Falani.

You headed away with that boy?

Once.

I was drunk and lonely.

Maybe Mammy was drunk and lonely.

She did like to drink.

A lot.

Carol, Phineas will not thinkthat, unless you bring it up.

I won't bring it up, then.

Good idea.

NEWSCASTER [ON TV]: And acheer goes up from the crowd.

I guess this proves it's my fault.

What's your fault?

Why I haven't given him children.

He's Maori, right?

And they have heaps of children.

They certainly do.

Carol, nothing is your fault.Let's just watch the wedding.

Rita, I don't want to be a stickybeak,

but why didn't you have a dress?

It didn't seem important at the time.

No one got invited to their wedding.

Not even you and Lefty?

No.

But I thought you twowere really good friends.

We knew each other socially.

Went to the some dances, that kind of thing.

Next thing, they were married.

How long were you engaged?

There wasn't any time,and we didn't wanna wait.

God, that's so romantic.

It wasn't a shotgun wedding, was it?

No, no.

Wolf came later.

This was more of a Luger wedding.

A what?

Du kleine Schlampe!

I'm not gonna listen to you anymore!

He is dirt.

He's a thief!

I love him!

He's a criminal!

I am gonna marry Ted, and you cannot stop me!

- I will kill you first. - No.

Fuck you.

Slut!

No!

She's here.

She's here.

Look at her.

It's like a great, big blancmange.

No, it's not.

It's beautiful. - Look at the train.

It's all creased.

CAROL: Do you expect her to carry a bloody iron?

I'm just making a comment.

Stop ruining the wedding!

NEWSCASTER [ON TV]: Trulya dress fit for a princess.

You hear from Des when that South

African money's showing up?

No, not yet.

You all right, mate?

I don't know.

I-- I don't know who I am anymore.

Oh, come off it.

You're the same bloke you always were.

We don't hold that cop shit against you.

I can't be a Maori.

I mean, I'm not lazy or a bludger.

No offense, Bert.

Hey, look, there's worse things

you could be than a Maori.

Like one of them racist South African bastards.

Or a faggot.

Who you calling a faggot?

No, no one's callinganyone a faggot, all right?

Your dad was Maori battalion.

You know, those guys were great fighters.

I'm not a Maori.

What's so wrong with being a Maori?

You end up on the dole, or in prison.

There are some successful Maoris.

Like who?

The bloke in Parliament,uh, Winston what's his handle.

Yeah, Kiri Te Kanawa,Billy T James, Dean Waretini.

Yeah.

What if he forced her, you know?

Against her will.

I wouldn't put it past a cop.

Come on, mate.

No one could force your mammy to do anything.

She wasn't a big woman.

And if she'd been on the Guinness.

Ah, that's real bloody insulting, that is.

So you wanna be a Maori because we're

losers, violent, and rapists.

I'm not saying nothing about you.

Hey, no one saying anythingbad about anyone, all right?

So let's all just calm the fuckdown and have another drink.

You stupid racist.

Don't call me stupid!

[shouting]

I said, enough!

Shit.

What the hell got into Bert?

Here.

get that down you.

He's usually so happy-go-lucky.

Which, you know, is anothergood thing about Maoris.

NEWSCASTER [ON PHONE]: What a proud father Earl

Spencer must be on this day.

Rita.

Shh, they're about to do it.

BERT: Can I use the phone?

It's a toll call, but Ican transfer the charges.

Shut up!

Sure, maybe use the one in the hall.

BERT: Thank you.

MAN [ON PHONE]: Hello.

Hey, is Riana there, please?

It's Hone from Auckland.

MAN [ON PHONE]: Yeah, I'll get her.

RIANA [ON PHONE]: Hi, Hone.

Kia ora.

I hope I said that OK.

RIANA [ON PHONE]: Yeah.

How was the South African embassy?

RIANA [ON PHONE]: We never got there.

Do you know what happened?

No.

We went and rallied outside parliament,

and Dave and I were meetingsome friends at the front.

We headed off down Molesworth Street.

And that's when the copsmoved in with their batons.

I still don't see why she'dmarry someone that much older.

He's a prince.

Wouldn't you marry a prince?

Is Phineas all right?

Yes.

No.

Who knows?

I need some fresh air.

I might join you.

But you'll miss the vows.

I know how they go.

NEWSCASTER [ON TV]: I, Diana Frances.

I, Diana Frances.

She's only 20 years old.

Like a lamb to the slaughter.

Imagine marrying into that family.

Queen Mum seems like a good sort.

And there's corgis.

I've never been much on dogs.

I've met someone.

You're always meeting someone.

This is a "someone" someone.

What's his name?

Steve.

We met at this restaurant in town.

I was there with a lady, but he still knew.

Tracked me down in the bogs.

Sounds romantic.

I took him home.

We've been inseparable ever since.

So he's the dollybird you've been jetting

off to Sydney with, then?

There's a lot we can doover there we can't do here.

I don't need to know.

Thing is, Steve's amazing.

He's so upfront about who he is.

Doesn't care who knows.

And I can be open with him about who I am.

How open?

He knows what I do when I'mnot working behind a counter.

Is that wise?

Rita, the one thing gay peopleare good at is keeping secrets.

And dancing.

Well, you know what you're doing,

and as long as it makes you happy.

It does.

"He said unhappily."

I'd like you to meet him,but it's not like I can

bring him around here, is it?

I know it can't be easy.

How would you know whatit's like, being a freak?

I have a fair idea.

When I was at school, I was the Dirty Gerry.

You what?

People used to tease me about my accent.

What accent?

Meine Muttersprache ist Deutsch.

German?

Yeah.

My family immigrated here after the war.

You really wanna know?

Yeah.

When I was about nine, my dadwas shaving with his shirt off,

and, um, I saw he had this tattoo on his arm.

He wouldn't tell me what it was for me,

and then he hit me for asking.

He was in a concentration camp.

Try the opposite.

It was his blood type.

Waffen SS.

They had it tattooed on their arm.

Your father was a Nazi.

Yeah.

I didn't bring you here tohave you marry a criminal!

You'll stay there until you come to your senses!

See, you guys aren't theonly ones who can keep secrets.

The South Africans aren't gonna leave.

We've got weeks of games to go.

Maybe they're testing cross-stitch.

We hit them then.

That might a bridge too far.

And you, no more aggro, all right?

No, I'll leave that to the cops.

What?

Are they in the house?

They just batoned a wholelot of people in Wellington.

Eh? TED: What?

Innocent people expressing their views.

They hit them on the head.

How do you know about this?

I had to call my cousin.

There was gonna be a march, but the cops

told the protesters to stop.

And when they couldn't, they batoned

all the people in the front.

Trendy lefties.

Must have done something to deserve it.

BERT: It was old ladies and girls.

They didn't care who they hit.

Then they went down to the copshop and called out the dogs.

That's not on.

Bloody Muldoon, turning thiscountry into a fascist state.

Yeah, they shouldn't beallowed to get away with it.

No, you're too right there.

We should get them back.

Hit the cops where it hurts.

PHINEAS: OK, let's go hurt a cop.

I'm up for that.

I've got an idea on how we get them.

Oh, yeah?

What's this idea?

It's a really good one.

I've gotta go.

Phineas's mum passed away.

Mammy's dead?

That's what I said.

MIKE: I thought her kind couldn't die.

BERT: Catholics.

MIKE: Something like that, Bert.

So how do you know that the cops won't

be at the social club tonight?

They might be watching the wedding.

There are protests everywhere tonight.

So that's where there'll be.

Just trust me on this.

God, it's all so perfect.

She got his name wrong.

It's still perfect.

Yes, until one day she wakesup and realizes she's drunk

and full of Hendrick's.

Why do you keep trying to ruin my night?

It's not your night, Carol.

I've believed in Lady Di since the beginning.

I knew she was the one.

You knew?

I'm a bit like Diana myself.

Apart from not being the daughter of an earl?

I was young like her.

You were a hairdresser from Swanson.

Phineas was my prince.

He picked me over all thegirls at Friday Night Boxing.

Except maybe he doesn't love me anymore.

That's what happens with marriages.

You start out all hopeful, even if you're

sick as a dog and your mother won't

let you have a proper dress, 'cause

she says it's a waste of money.

CAROL: You were sick?

I was three months pregnant, all right.

And Lefty was so hungover,he could hardly say his vows.

And I stood there and promisedto love and cherish him,

and all I could think wasI was a big, fat liar.

CAROL: You didn't love Lefty?

How about we all have a cup of tea?

I just have to go out for a bit.

Now?

Gotta stop the lads from turning

on each other, and bloody Muldoon.

'Cause that's important.

How are the ladies?

Carol thinks that Phineasdoesn't love her anymore.

Ngaire's getting dirty drunk.

Nothing new there.

How are you?

Me?

Nothing wrong with me.

It's 20 years, Rita, our anniversary.

Yeah, it is.

You don't talk about it, don't tell anyone,

like you're ashamed.

I'm not.

Well, do you regret it, marrying me?

Of course I don't, Ted.

Are we off?

Yeah.

Every year, anniversary card.

Yeah, it's my own bloody faultfor calling them on our wedding

night to rub their noses in it.

See you soon.

Stealing piss from the police social club.

You think it's bad idea?

No, I think it's genius.

Shit, let me at the bastard.

Yeah, that'd work too.

[music playing]

Hey!

Phineas, no.

It's too loud.

They'll hear.

True.

[urinating]

[laughter]

Fuck, I love you.

You're my favorite hori.

And you're not bad for a mick.

Well, this is getting very queer.

I might head off, eh?

You can't go.

You're one of us.

Sure.

Sorry about your mammy.

All right, you need toget back and sort your wife.

Eh?

Your wife, Carol?

You may have lost your mammy, but you still

got a woman who loves you.

But she didn't know who she was marrying.

Oh, stop being a twat!

Just got something I needto do on the way home.

One stop off.

She's gonna be so happyand have lots of children.

McArthy cleaning it all up.

How are we, ladies?

Great.

All done and dusted?

Poor old Charles, eh?

No escape now.

Where have you lot been?

Sticking it to the cops.

I had an idea, and it was a good one.

It was.

Best one yet.

Come here, Mrs. O'Driscoll.

My beautiful, beautiful wife.

Come here, wifey.

Oh, playing hard to get, eh?

Oh, shit!

Ah, don't worry about it.

Stupid woman, look what you made me do!

Ah, yes, I'm always the problem, aren't I?

Eh?

It was a joke.

You asshole.

Whiskey.

Bloody woman.

[chuckling]

Ngaire, I know you're not happy,

and I'm sorry your husbandis a fucking prick.

I had Ted, and you took him off me.

What?

No, I didn't.

We were at that dance, andyou came up in those jeans,

leaving nothing to the imagination.

He was my boyfriend.

Yeah, then you took up with Lefty.

Only to make Ted notice me.

Ngaire, I fell in love with Ted.

And he saved me.

He saved my life.

What a lot of hooey.

If you don't like your marriage, then leave it.

Oh, you think it's that easy?

No, of course not.

There's a price for everything.

What are you on about?

RITA: If you wantsomething, you have to pay.

And I paid to have Ted.

I haven't seen my family since.

I thought they were dead.

Yeah, there are, to me.

You're a hard woman, Rita.

You do what you have to, to stay sane.

That's all.

Hello, stranger.

Hi.

How was the funeral.

Incense, altar boys,secrets from beyond the grave.

Sounds intriguing.

You would have loved it.

And I missed you not being there.

Maybe the next one.

[SINGING] But come ye backwhen summer's in the meadow,

or when the vale is hushedand white with snow.

Your wife's at home.

Best place for her.

If she hasn't crashed the car.

She drives better drunk.

[SINGING] Oh, Danny boy, I love you so.

Mammy used to sing that to me.

And now I'll sing it for you.

And you'll always be black Irish to me.

Jesus, talk about a 10 hanky weepy.

A toast to the women, who love us, the women,

who gave birth to us--

our mammies.

Mammies.

While we're on the subject, I'd like

to toast the mother of my son.

Best woman in the whole bloody world.

Ted, don't.

But with, uh, one thing or another,

she never got anengagement ring out of me.

So after 20 years, I bloody owe her.

It's 20 years?

20 great years.

You did me a great honor whenyou agreed to be my wife.

It's a greater honor now.

LEFTY: That's enough of thesentimental claptrap, hm?

How about a song?

And nothing Irish.

Hey, watch it, mate.

Now, we need a proper New Zealand song.

[SINGING]: Porkarekare ana.

I had a squashed banana.

Is that all right?

I threw it at the teacher.

Is this from the galleria?

Uh, yeah.

So you broke into my storeto get me an engagement ring?

Well, it was a spur of the moment thing.

Like us, really.

Yeah.

Those bloody royals wouldn'tknow the first thing

about a real love story.

Rita.

Ted, Ted!

- Rita? - Ted!

Ted!

You, get away from me.

- I'm in here! - I'm taking Rita.

You can't stop me.- You get off my property, now!

- No, no. - Ted!

Don't be stupid, woman!

No, Ted!

You do what I say.

Ted!

You will let him take our daughter?

Our daughter is already gone.

Oh, Ted!

Did they hurt you?

No.

You stupid woman.

You see what you've done?

Rita's going with me now.

I love her.

And I'm gonna take good care of her.

You go with him, you never come back!

Fine with me!

You saved me, Ted.

Your mum, she saved you too.

[SINGING] I threw it at the teacher,

and the fucking teacher said--

[laughter]

Did you read the card?

Yeah.

Yeah, I read it.

I'll leave it up to you, then.

I fucking love you, Ted West.

Happy anniversary.

I didn't get you a present, though.

Oh.

Well, I'm sure we can think of something.

[music playing]

[SINGING] Look at me.

Might take a trip to Paris to see her.

Good morning, Dr. Jake.

[knocking]

Coming.

[SINGING] What you got in your bag?

Hello.

[SINGING] Some people got it bad.

Hello.

[SINGING] You ain't no stranger here.

Been here before.

Good morning, Madam Blue.

Just like in the cottonfields.

I ain't so glad to see you.

Dance, woman, dance.

All those things you put me through, baby.

You ain't no stranger here.

Been here before.

Look at me.

Might take a trip to Paris to see her.

Oh.

I read your card.

What's wrong with him?

MOTHER: He had a stroke.

He-- he can't hurt us.

Not anymore.

My darling!

[SINGING] Good morning, Madam Blue.

Just like in the cottonfields.

I ain't so glad to see you.

Dance, woman, dance.

All those things you put me through, baby.

You ain't no stranger here.

Been here before.

Look at me.

Might take a trip to Paris.

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