Original subtitles

I'm not narcing.

Now, what I want from you, Bert,

is for you to do your country a service.

[inaudible],, you here to pitch in?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Tell me, Ted, where do youstand on the bloody tour?

So they're getting theirmoney out of South Africa.

Rich, redneck boers.

Half a million's OK?

Then we'll smash them at the rugby tour.

Bring on the tour.

Any sign?

No.

They'll be here.

So does Bilkey still get acut, even though he's not here?

Yes. It's gang rules.

Not his fault he was in Sydneywhen the word came through.

We're good to go, Ted.

The Yarpies are here, and,we speak, on their way

to Gisborne for the first game.

Here's the motel where they're staying.

We beat them here.

That's all.

Des said they might have other appointments.

Checking out the land nearby.

One of them said they'll be visiting

a lion safari park in Massey.

They may be driving down to Gizzy after that.

Why are they going to the Lion Safari Park

when they're from Africa?

Don't they have enough lions there?

I don't know. 'Cause it's the only

tourist attraction we have?

What about [inaudible].

Carol loves to throw coins in the creek

and watch the littleAmericans dive after them.

Yeah, I don't think theYarpies would be into that.

Maybe pushing the littleAmericans off the bridge.

The point is, they'll be here, with the cash.

They're carrying it with them till they

head back to Auckland, hand it over to Des.

Why?

Why what?

Why are they carrying it with them?

I don't know.

Because they wanna keep an eye on it?

Look, I'm just telling you what Des said.

Well, why can't we snatch it in Auckland?

Yes, I asked him the same question.

You don't shit in your own nest, Ted.

I don't want anything linking me to this job.

It's got to happen far away frommy vicinity, like in Gisborne.

And make it look like kids, eh?

What?

Chance robbery, bad luck.

Makes sense, I guess.

So do we actuallytrust a scumbag like Des?

Yo, yo, yo.

Big fellas.

Do we know what they're carrying the cash in?

Fuck, I don't know. A bag.

I wasn't about to askfor a bloody description.

How did they get allthe cash through customs?

Contacts, hush money.

Fuck knows.

The dough is in Gisborne.

What more do you need to know?

So our job is to find it, take it,

be home with our lovelyladies before we know it.

THEME SONG: Watch your back.

Watch your back.

When you're walking down the alleys.

Watch your back.

Watch your back.

When you're out on the streets.

and there's a strangeron the street these days.

You can't see it through the fog and haze.

When everybody's going crazy,everybody's going crazy,

everybody's going crazy.

I do love to Ted, but it's quieter, tidier.

There's less mess.

I love not cooking, getting aburger from Uncle's, if I want.

No constant pestering for slap and tickle.

You don't like the slap and tickle?

I always like it.

Carol, please don't start talking

about Phineas's cock again.

Why not?

It's a lovely cock.

[crying]

Chelsea?

CHELSEA: Mum!

Darling, what's wrong?

There was a man!

[screaming]

He grabbed the sleeve of her cardigan.

She wriggled out of itand ran all the way home.

She wasn't--

Thank God for that.

She was lucky.

I suppose we should tell someone.

She means, call the cops.

It's what they're there for, right?

So you were about here, anda bloke appears from here.

He tries to grab you, there'sa struggle, and you get away.

He had the sleeve of her cardigan.

She managed to get out of it.

She's already told you all of this.

We like to be thorough, makesure the facts don't change.

And what color's this cardi?- It's green.

Still green.

Let them do their job, Rita.

We got a green cardi anywhere?

So this bloke's stolen your cardi.

Excuse me.

Are you actually taking the piss?

No, the cardi's definitely missing.

And you got a good look at this guy?

For God's sake, shealready said, white skin,

medium height, medium build.

Would you say he was handsome?

What do the kids say these days?

Was he spunky?

What the fuck kind of a question is that?

A man tried to rape my daughter,

and you're talking aboutcardis and was he handsome.

"Rape" is a bit strong.

If she hadn't managed to get away--

If there was a bloke at all.

Sorry?

Look, we get this all thetime, girls who are a bit--

you know, who don't get enough attention.

They can have these little fantasies.

Or she lost her cardi andshe didn't wanna tell you.

Fucking hell, no.

So you're saying, she made it up?

I didn't!

We know, sweetheart.

Before we go wastingpolice' time, we have to look

at all the possibilities.

You fucking bastard!

Swearing at a police officer?

You sure that's wise, love?

Over here.

So who's making things up?

Should you be touching this?

If there are fingerprints, you're

contaminating the evidence.

Jesus, they can't even do their bloody job!

We've got the girl's statement.

We'll let you know ifthere are any developments.

Wanker!

They are pigs, aren't they?

There's a reason we call them that.

She's all right.

Asking for a milo.

Those bloody bastards!

Making out that Chelsea's--

that she's plain.

They're are all pricks, Ngaire.

We already know this.

I mean, I know she's no Desiree,

but she'll grow into herself.

I mean, she can get contactlenses when she's older.

Chelsea is a very pretty girl.

One day, she will be.

For sure.

The important thing is thatthere is a pervert out there,

and the police just don't give a stuff.

It's not right.

It's not bloody right.

[moaning]

Ev-- evening, Mrs. West.

Uh, how are you on this beautiful evening?

Fine, thanks.

How's the blue movie? - Oh, what?

No.

No, we wouldn't watch blue movies.

No, we was watching--

[interposing voices]

I don't actually careif you watch that rubbish.

In fact, if it keeps men offthe street, where they force

themselves on women, then good.

We wouldn't force ourselves on anyone.

I'm not talking about you lot.

One of Ngaire's girls was attacked down

at Swan Arch Park.

Someone tried to molest Desiree?

- No, not Desiree. - The little one?

That's horrible.

No, the middle one.

Chelsea?

Chelsea gets some, eh?

[chuckling]

What the fuck is funny about a young girl

almost being raped onher way home from school?

Sorry, nothing.

You seem to think so.

Well, it's just that,Chelsea, she's, you know, plain.

And a four eyes.

I think she's nice.

Oh, for God's sake.

You're as bad as the bloody cops.

They don't even care thatthis guy is still out there!

Oh, here he is, the working class hero.

Sit on it, Eric.

Leave your muddy boots--

Outside, I know.

Dinner won't be long.

I've just been dealing with something.

There's a perv in the neighborhood.

Yeah?

So?

No, not them.

They're just silly boys.

Saw Evan Lace today.

Yeah?

Out in the distance, driving away.

Thought this job was meantto get me closer to him.

It's a job. It's a start.

Mum, it's the pits.

It's the absolute pits.

And the foreman's a prick--

Wolf, you have to be patient.

And have a shower.

You smell like shit.

Yeah, because I've beenstanding in shit all day.

You've got BO, man.

I haven't got BO.

It's your farts.

You were farting too.

So glad we got here a day early,

Ted, so we can stare at a bunch of motel rooms,

with a bunch of Yarpies inside going nowhere.

At least all the cops willbe at the stadium, I suppose.

Oi, we've got movement.

About fucking time.

All right, Bert, Lefty, you follow the Yarpies.

Phin and I will do the rooms.- Hang on, I--

I should be doing the rooms with you.

Last time I needed you to watch my back,

you disappeared on me.

It was different.

Besides, those two will blendin much better around Gisborne

than me.

Why, because I'm merry?

Yeah.

I'm not merry

OK, enough.

Lefty, with me.

You guys, if they start tohead back, Phineas stalls them,

Bert legs it to warn us.

OK?

Yeah.

All right, let's kick off this bloody tour.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Mrs. Ted West requests my company,

I'm not about to say no.

If it's about your husband, I'm all ears.

It's about how there is a pervert running

around the bloody neighborhood,attacking young women,

and your people are doing fuck all about it.

Did you not know?

No, I didn't know.

Bloody typical.

I'm not the only cop in West Auckland, Rita.

We have departments, you know.

Department of tits on a bull.

So you've called me here to what?

Tell me off for not doing my job?

Oh, this is gold, this is.

A young girl was attacked inSwan Arch park on her way home

from school.

The cop made fun of the victim, made her cry,

and then threatened toarrest the victim's mother!

Is that how you cops do your jobs these days?

What cop?

Your mate.

You know, Terry what's his name.

I'll look into it.

Look into what?

Your own bumhole?

Lovely chatting with you, Rita.

We're people too, you know.

Whatever you might think of us, our kids,

they deserve protection too!

You know, they'd have to bepretty stupid, wouldn't they?

To leave so much money in the motel room

while they go to the rugby.

Especially in a dodgy town like Gisborne.

Check everywhere.

There's no reason we have towatch them from here, right?

We can go in, watch them, and have a beer.

So what if we go in, andwe're ordering our beer,

and they decide to leave?

Well, then we drink really fast.

Shit.

What are you doing?

I thought the South Africans were coming.

No, they're still inside.

There's just some protesters here.

OK, everyone remember which sign you had.

What do you reckon wouldhappen if the Yarpies

met the protesters?

Oh, hang on.

Here they come now.

Well, what have we got here?Bloody communists?

It's better than being a racist.

You really wanna do politics now, eh?

- OK, that's what happens.- We should do something.

Like show our faces tothe jokers we're gonna rob?

Also, they look well handy with their fists.

Leave him alone, you bastards.

Step away, or I'll smash you, you pieces of shit,

you cowards!

Oh, leave it, Gibbler.

They're bloody savages.

Yeah, might catch their lice.

[laughter]

Geez, that chick is hard out.

Am I in trouble?

Of course not.

We just wanna go over the facts one more

time, make sure we've got everything right.

So you were coming home through Swan Arch Park.

Was there anyone else around?

No, I was a bit late, because I had practice.

Netball?

Trampoline.

I'm on the school team.

[snorting]

You wanna wait in the car, Terry?

We asked all this already.

So you finished trampolinepractice at what time?

4:30.

Which means you were coming through the park

at maybe quarter to 5:00?

CHELSEA: Yes.

And did you feel likeanyone was following you?

No.

MIKE: Which means he was waitingfor someone to come along.

[screaming]

That's important.

You're doing really great, Chelsea.

Make sure she walks home fromschool with friends from now.

She's a bit of a loner.

Maybe I'll just pick her up everyday.

Is your husband around?

He's away.

Business, is it?

I should get back to Chelsea.

No, look, the onlyreason I ask is, well, you

and your girls here byyourselves, it's not ideal.

We're fine, thanks.

Well, there are things youcan do to keep yourself safe.

I can drop in a pamphlet.

Or actually, I can do one better than that.

There's a meeting tonight, if you're free.

What sort of meeting?

Neighborhood watch.

Why not?

It might be fun, meeting thepeople in our neighborhood.

We only have to pop our heads in Rita.

If we don't like it, we can leave.

It's not here, Ted.

[inaudible] socks, [inaudible] socks.

Fuck this.

I'm only going off what Des McEwen said.

Des McEwen is a bullshit artist.

Bingo.

Fuck.

What the hell is this?

It's biltong.

What the fuck is fucking bitlong?

Dried meat.

Jesus, we're rich.

Repack everything, the way we found it.

Eh?

They can't know that anyone's been here.

But you said make it look like kids,

so we made it look like kids.

Well, if the money's somewhere else,

we don't wanna scare them off.

What do you mean, somewhere else?

Well, you're the one who said "why would

you bring it to Gisborne?"

Everything back the way we found it.

The other room too.

Ugh!

Should have brought the bloody women.

I hate these kind of people,twitching their curtains,

peering over their fences.

They might all be nice, normalpeople, just the same as us.

Ugh.

Well, here we are again.

Thank you all for coming tonight.

[doorbell ringing]

Right.

When Brian gets back, I'lljust whip through the agenda

for tonight's meeting.

This neighborhood watch?

Yes.

Good.

Mike McArthy invited us.

We're from the neighborhood.

So any complaints you mighthave, take it up with him.

No, no.Everyone is welcome here.

I'm Brian.

My good wife, Wendy.

I'm Ngaire.

I'm Carol.

And this is Rita.

Take a seat.

Right.

Right, then.

Where were we?

- The agenda. - That's right.

The agenda.

Item one, apologies, thereare none, since we're

all here, plus some new people.

Uh, item two, the clothesline thefts.

Really?

Someone's been nicking stuff off washing lines?

Oh, yes.

Wendy's smalls were taken.

Amongst some other things fromaround the neighborhood, Brian.

Probably the same bloody pervert.

Well, same pervert as what?

The pervert that attackedmy daughter yesterday.

Really?

That's terrible.

I always knew the underwear stealing

was just him getting started.

- Him who? - Sorry?

Well, do you know who this person is?

No. No, we don't.

Any ideas?

I mean, you are the oneswatching the neighborhood.

No, sorry.

Anyway, moving on.

Uh, item three--

I might just skip past item three, actually.

Item four, vandalism.

Now, somebody spray painted the litter boxes

in number 23 and number 58.

But what about the real issue, the pervert

attacking young girls in Swan Arch Pack?

Or clotheslines and letterboxes

boxes, as far as you guys go?

[doorbell rings]

Oh, that'll be the guest speaker.

Item five, guest speaker.

No, no, I'll get him.

So what happened to item three?

We can come back to that,if we've got some time.

Hi, Mike.

G'day, Wendy.

Evening, all.

You came.

Beauty.

Yes, there are prowlers out there.

That is an unfortunate fact of life these days.

So you ladies especially need totake precautions to stay safe.

If you live alone, you couldput a pair of men's shoes

at your front door, so an intruder will

think that a man is present.

What if the intruder nicks the shoes?

Well, there's that ad on TV, with the knock

at the door and the womanyells out "I'll get it, Jim."

Who's Jim? are they his shoes?

No.

There's-- there's no Jim.

She's pretending there's a man there,

so she doesn't get attacked.

Or the lady could learn how to defend herself.

There's a good course at the community center.

I strongly recommend it.

[murmuring]

That was actually almost useful.

Wendy and Brian were nice.

Oh, you think so, do you Carol?

Item three, the one we skipped over.

85, John Morgan Street,update, comings, goings, latest

suspicious behavior.

Hey, that's here.

Oh my god.

Neighborhood watch are watching you.

They think that we are bloody criminals!

OK, that makes sense now.

What does?

What Wendy was asking.

So they've Got.

A couple of foster kids, do they?

Oh, you mean Sparky.

Is he the-- the brown?

No, that's Falani.

He doesn't live there, but he might as well.

So Sparky is the retarded one?

Oh, he's not retarded.

His mother was a druggy, andshe took off to Australia.

And then his dad died in a workplace accident.

And his sister, she's a punk rocker.

She went to Dunedin.

He had no one.

So Rita took pity on him.

Right.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

There is a dangerous pervert out there,

and those wallies are sitting around, drinking

tea, and judging my family?

Well, fuck them and the horse they rode in on.

[music playing]

DES [ON PHONE]: McEwen.

I've been trying to get hold of you all day.

The South Africans don't have the money.

Oh, yeah, there's been a change of plans.

They were worried about gettingall that cash through customs,

so it's catching them up.

When?

I don't know.

Well, how?

DES [ON PHONE]: I don't know.

Jesus, Des, you could have fucking told us!

How?

You got a phone in your van, have you?

Do you carry a phone aroundin your fucking pocket?

Look, it's just a hitch.

I'll let you know more whenyou get back to Auckland,

for fuck's sake.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

G'day, love.

Where are you?

TED [ON PHONE]: Pub in the ass-end of nowhere.

Celebrating?

Hah.

I wish.

Drowning our sorrows.

Job went a bit tits up.

What happened?

Ah, she'll be all right.

Missing you, though, love.

Oh, Jesus, you must bedown, getting all soppy on me.

Nah, Lefty's been giving me grief.

You know what he's like.

Well, tell him to--

actually, tell him to give his wife a ring.

Tell him to check how she and his daughters

are doing for once in his life.

Why can't I ride my bike?

Because I'm driving you.

Let's go, Chelsea!

Chelsea!

Oops.

Good timing.

I was just about todrop the girls to school.

Oh.

OK, I can come back.

What was it about?

I just need to get another description

from Chelsea, actually.

Oh?

Yeah, I've had a tip-offfrom a member of the public.

I just need to rule this guy out, really.

Was the guy pale-skinned?

A little bit pasty?

Um, I'm not sure.

Stocky build?

Stocky?

You know, sort of short but broad across here.

I'm-- I'm not sure.

And you didn't see his hair color?

Couldn't have been gingerish?

You didn't recognizeanything about this fella?

Like it could have been someone you might know?

I don't know.

It all happened too quick.

It's Sparky.

The attacker, the police think it's him.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Is that the piece that MikeMcArthy can come up with?

He had a tip-off.

From that bloody cow atneighborhood watch, I'll bet.

You have to admit, Sparky is odd.

He's not rapist odd.

Well, the policeobviously think that he--

Ngaire, since when do we listen to the cops?

It isn't Sparky.

My family needed me.

You wouldn't have known that.

And where was I?

Doing sweet [inaudible] in Gisborne,

because you screwed up.

I told you what Des said.

Doesn't matter.

You're making the calls, the man in charge.

Making us drive halfway down the fucking island.

Let's get you back to your family, eh?

Back with nothing to show.Nice road trip, Ted.

Well, come on, Phineas.

While we're still young, mate.

Sparky, go and get me sometomatoes from that greenhouse

on Hutchison Ave. Make sureyou put that in the [inaudible]

box, all of it.

[phone ringing]

Hello? MIKE [ON PHONE]: Ngaire?

Mike McArthy.

Have you found him?

Not yet, but I have pulleda whole bunch of reports

together, cops that should have been talking

to other bloody cops, and there is

definitely a bloke out there.

So you're admitting my girl didn't make it up.

MIKE [ON PHONE]: Ngaire, I neverbelieved that for a second.

That was lousy policing all around, that was.

But what I'm saying is, now thatI know for a fact the bastard's

out there, I will catch him.

Good to know, but excuseme if I don't hold my breath.

I get that, but you have my word.

And the-- the other thingis, I was after a favor.

From me?

MIKE [ON PHONE]: Sorry, I kind of don't

have anyone else I can ask.

Uh, the thing is, I've--

I've got a daughter, about Chelsea's age.

A lot like Chelsea, really.

Good kid, but a loner.

Why are you telling me this?

Well, the thing is, it's herbirthday, and I'm about to head

to Henderson Square, and I'm--

well, I'm buggered if Iknow what I'm gonna buy her.

I thought maybe you couldgive me a couple of pointers?

Me?

Yeah, sorry.

I didn't really have anyone else I could ask.

And if I screw up again this year, well, I'm--

I'm dead meat.

Actually, I think I can do better than that.

I really appreciate your help.

When I called, I thoughtyou would laugh and hang up.

Well, you were lucky.

I needed to get out of the house.

Yes, indeed, I was.

This is gonna go down so muchbetter than the Sindy doll

I got last year.

You know, girls grow up so fast these days.

Tell me about it.

Every time I see her, she'sgrown another six inches.

She's not with you?

No.

No, she lives in Napier.

Yeah, her mother, she took offfrom me, with another bloke.

You get that sometimes.

I was a bloody good husband.

Faithful, attentive, everythingI did, I did for her.

Still, it wasn't enough.

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try,

they don't appreciate it.

I guess.

Wouldn't be so bad if the otherbloke wasn't a bloody cop.

Sorry?

Well, not an actual cop.

MOT traffic officer.

Bloody idiot thinks he's Erik Estrada.

Anyway, geez, you didn't ask for my life story.

It's fine.

I know how it is.

Believe me, I know.

What happened here?

Lefty, you-- you're home.

I walk in here, the placeis like the Mary Celeste.

After what you told me last night, I thought--

You were worried about me.

Well, you know, there's some dodgy

bastard in the neighborhood.

I'm fine.

We're fine.

The girls are at a self defense course.

Self defense?

For girls?

Oh, right.

It's a good idea.

It's been really horrible, Lefty.

How about I let youfinish making the dinner,

and then you can tell me all about it.

How's it been?

Well, first, those neighborhood

watch busybodies have decidedthat we are the biggest

threats to this neighborhood.

You and I. And now themand the cops, useless pigs,

have decided that it's Sparky.

No, I'm lost.

They think that he's theone that attacked Chelsea!

He's a couple sandwiches shortof a picnic, but he's no perv.

Well, except that I had to be sure,

and so I went into his roomand I found some women's

clothing hidden under the bed.

Jesus.

But it doesn't necessarilymean anything, right?

Yeah, right.

Doesn't it?

I don't know.

Oh, hello, love.

So what's with the women'sclothes hidden in your room?

For shit's sake, Ted.

Well, you wanna know, so we ask.

So?

What?

What's going on, love?

That's all I wanna know.

You're not in any trouble.

I promise.

Really?

Really.

I like the feel of them.

Of the-- the ladies clothes?

Yeah.

So you like to wear them?

No way.

That would be weird.

Right, yeah.

OK.

My mum had this cardi.

It was blue and fluffy.

And when she hugged me--

You miss your mum.

Of course you do.

But no more nicking thingsoff washing lines, OK?

People, they might get the wrong idea.

OK.

The thing that gets me is, the cops

know who it is, and he's settingright there in your house.

Sparky has nothing to do with it.

That's not what Ngaire says.

Well, she's wrong.

That couldn't wouldn't say boo to a mouse.

Yeah, it's the quiet ones you've gotta watch.

You're all beating the wrong dog, all right?

Heads up.

Oi, I want a word with you.

What are you doing about thisdegenerate roaming the streets?

We're investigating the matter.

"Investigating"? So bugger all, then.

No, not "bugger all," actually.

And what are you doing about it?

Me? What can I do?

Well, you can detachyourself from this leaner

and help me, for starters.

All of you could, if youfeel so strongly about it.

You mean, help the cops?

This is more of a citizen's initiative.

Neighbors looking after neighbors.

What happened to copslooking out for neighbors?

The fucking two is what happened, Ted.

Every bastard's too busy toworry about some poxy flasher

in Henderson.

I never said he would flash too.

It's a figure of speech, Phineas.

So how are we meant to help the cops?

Well, as far as I can make outfrom putting all the instances

together, two things stand out.

It's hanging around Swan Arch Park.

I think we knew that already, Mike.

And he likes Tuesday nights.

What's so good about Tuesdays?

Think it through, boys.

Benny Tuesday.

Top marks, Bert.

You should be a cop.

The guy gets his benefit.

He gets loaded.

He gets to thinking about pretty girls.

He gets out, and he gets busy.

What night is it tonight, lefty?

Tuesday.

Are you proposing some typeof vigilante action, Mike?

Bunch of locals go out fora late night stroll and they

happen upon something untoward?

Side entrance, Swan Arch Park.

6:00 PM.

Unless you got this quaint old boy's

club thing about never helping out the pigs.

He actually asked you to help him?

Yeah, it was lucky he actually cares.

Or he's realized that therest of them are bloody useless.

I suppose we could, just thisonce, put aside our principles

for the greater good.

Yeah, if it does clear Sparky's name.

So we're here.

We're gonna disperse groupsall around the perimeter,

cover the whole park.

Why are they here?

Well, they live here, don't they?

Who's that lot.

The neighborhood watch.

They don't look like theycould bloody catch a cold.

Geez, you almost looklike an upstanding citizen.

You almost look like someone who

knows his ass from his elbow.

I know you.

Brian.

You shot throughbefore I could thank you.

G'day, mate.

Look, it's the guy thatbrought you home a few weeks

back, when your car broke down.

I'm Brian.

You've met Wendy?

Yeah.

Yeah, Lefty.

- Cat-handed, are you? - Eh?

Well, lefty?

Gibble-fisted?

He's got one testicle, the left one.

Oh.

Fascinating.

I helped out Wendy a while back.

Car trouble.

Flat battery. Gave her a lift home.

Yes, thank you again for that.

You're like the AA, aren't you, Lefty?

Always there for a damsel in distress.

Something like that, Rita.

So what's the plan with this thing?

I don't have time for this shit.

Not now.

OK, everyone listen up.

The plan is very simple.

You have your peers.

You walk around the section of the park

you've been designated.

We watch, we listen, and wetry to keep a low profile,

so we don't scare our boy off.

If anyone hears anything, yell out.

Someone will come running.

Any questions?

We haven't been paired up.

I think you can figure it out, Bert.

Ted, why don't you come with me?

We can talk.

You can come with me.

I haven't got a partner.

Oh, Brian, are you sure that's a good idea?

BRIAN: Why not?

Lefty's got his-- his own friends.

- No, we're good. - I'm going with Mike.

We're good.

Great.

Good.

Let's go.

What about us?

Well, I think this is blokes only tonight,

Rita, just to be on the safe side.

Safe side for who?

Exactly.

Let's go.

Good luck!

I need a drink.

You guys go home.

I'll-- I'll see you there.

Wendy?

Wendy.

I need your advice.

Mine?

Yeah.

It's about one of the boys I look after,

the one who's not quite right in the head.

You know the one I mean?

There's something you need to see.

Where?

Where this nonsense all started.

In the park.

But are you sure that's safe?

Because it's gonna be dark soon.

Oh, it's crawling with our husbands.

It'll be fine.

I just really need someonefrom the neighborhood watch,

you know?

Someone who really knows what they're doing?

Thanks, Wendy.

Come on.

He might not have.

Carol, I know the signs, and it

truly doesn't matter anymore.

But I'm sure Lefty stillloves you, in his own way.

I'm sure he does.

Can I help you?

I know you think it was me, but it wasn't.

I'd never do something like that,

especially not to someone--

Someone what?

To someone as amazing as Chelsea.

Aw.

You know it wasn't Sparky, right?

How can you be so sure?

Because my wife says so.

Kid's been through a lot of trauma.

Unexplained death of hisfather and all that, that kind

of stuff makes people weird.

I don't know anything about that, Mike.

Yup, I got that.

We should probably not talk.

It might scare the guy off.

Are you sure this was a good idea?

Not far now.

My boys might not look like the Brady Bunch,

but they're good kids.

What?

They're just boys.

They need a home and need a mum.

I think you should be more open-minded, Wendy,

rather than just assumingthat we're all criminals.

Aren't you?

That's what the police think.

The police have been wrong before.

Just ask Arthur Alan Thomas.

How about this?

You drop this thing you'vegot against my family--

and they are my family--

and I'll be open-minded too.

What do you mean?

I mean that I won't tellyou husband you've been having

it off with Lefty Munroe.

I-- I don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

So what I want is for youto point your neighborhood

watch elsewhere.

And I won't point the finger at you.

How does that sound?

Why did you come here to show me?

The error of your ways, mainly.

Holy shit? What is that?

What? Where?

[slurping]

She's a good woman, my Wendy.

I couldn't want for a better wife.

Ngaire tell you about Wendy's knickers?

Eh?

The bastard stole Wendy's goodlingerie from the clothesline.

Mind you, it's nothingcompared to what you're going

through with your daughter.

I suppose you wannabreak the bastard's neck.

Oh, he'll be sorry if I get my hands on him.

You can bet on it.

You can leave that to me.

Seen Bruce Lee? "Fists of Fury"?

I'm extremely proficient in kung-fu.

[slurping]

Jesus Christ, I'mfreezing my nuts off here.

Woman in Sydney, was it?

Bet his lady kept them all.

Oh, must be a pretty specialbird if you're gonna go all

the way to Aussie to see her.

You know the flaw in this plan?

We're all assuming thepervert's out every Tuesday.

But what if this Tuesday the pervert decided

to stay home and watch TV.

What's on TV tonight?

"The Incredible Hulk."

- Oh, man. - Yeah.

Plus, all the women arestaying home, because they're

too scared to walk in the dark.

So there's actually no onefor the pervert to attack.

Well, we could put a dresson you, see if he attacks you.

[laughter]

No, it's definitely not Sparky.

He's way too gorm--

Shh.

Did you hear that?

Let's get the bastard.

If he's got his cock out, you tackle him.

Gotcha!

What the fuck?

Oh, hey, Ted.I thought you were the pervert.

We thought you were the--

what the hell are you doing?

Taking a slash.

The whole neighborhood's out,looking for a guy with his dick

out, and what are you doing?

I really needed to go.

Then I heard you whispering.

I thought it was the guy talking to himself,

like crazy people do.

Aw, fuck off, Bert.

OK.

Crap.

So what do you do at these classes?

Learn self defense.

Like Bruce Lee styles?

Eye, throat, balls!

Brutal.

Sparky, don't be weird.

Sorry.

[screaming]

All right, we got the bastard.

Boys, boys, boys, enough, enough!

The secret isn't to leave too many marks.

Wendy!

Bloody hell, Hamish!

What, you know this guy?

He lives over the back fence.

Neighborhood watch, eh?

Bloody dad's army of policing.

Come on, sunshine.

Bastard!

All right, enough.

So are we done being cops now?

Yeah, most certainly are.

Ladies, case closed.

Bad man arrested.

We are the champions, my friends.

So it wasn't Sparky, then?

Who the hell said it was?

Jesus Christ.

I hope you don't mind.

Wendy, Brian.

We let ourselves in.

Ranch slider doors, you gotta watch 'em.

They're very easy to break into.

Which we didn't, by the way.

That fake rock you keep your spare key in?

It's like a beacon.

Any burglar who knows what he or she is doing

will go straight for the fake rock.

Or under the pot plant.

Yeah, that's a classic, that one.

RITA: Ted's a locksmith, by the way.

He has his own business.

We just wanted to let youknow, as good neighbors,

that your security needs attention.

Because as you can see, ifyou had anything worth taking,

we would have taken it.

So give us a bell some time.

I'll help you out with yourlatches and locks and so on.

OK?

OK.

Thanks for that, Ted.

Appreciate it.

Not a problem at all.

Eye, throat, balls!

[groaning]

Sparky?

Oh.

I-- I was wondering if you--

if you wanted someone to walk home with you.

Really?

That'd be great.

OK.

[MUSIC - SPLIT ENZ, "HOW CAN I RESIST HER?"]

Blonde hair and blue eyes,she came on like a white lie.

My wicked angel in mortal disguise.

There's one in every crowdgonna make me shout aloud.

How can I resist her?

Haven't even kissed her.

How can I resist her?

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