All language subtitles for The.Umbrella.Academy.S01E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

During extreme weather conditions,

a climber must possess the wisdom
to determine...

...when evacuation is inevitable.

A controlled alpine descent

begins with the girding of one's loins

and the anchoring of the climbing rope
to one's enemy,

the mountain.

The Dülfersitz rappel
is the preferred method for descent

when rope is the only available tool,

but must be regarded as a last resort.

Begin by looping the rope...

Sit.

A screen anchor must be used

if the rope is
to be successfully retrieved

from the face of the mountain.

Tightly knot the ends of the rope.

Once anchored, thread the doubled rope
through the legs, front to back,

and around the buttocks.

It is of utmost importance

that the rope be drawn
under the gluteal muscles,

not through the crevice
between the gluteus.

Proceed by holding the rope diagonally...

Number Five?

I have a question.

Knowledge is an admirable goal,
but you know the rules.

No talking during mealtimes.

You are interrupting Herr Carlson.

- I want to time travel.
- No.

But I'm ready. I've been practicing
my spatial jumps, just like you said.

See?

A spatial jump is trivial when compared
with the unknowns of time travel.

One is like sliding along the ice,

the other is akin to descending blindly
into the depths of the freezing water

and reappearing as an acorn.

Well, I don't get it.

Hence the reason you're not ready.

- I'm not afraid.
- Fear isn't the issue.

The effects it might have on your body,
even on your mind,

are far too unpredictable.

Now, I forbid you
to talk about this anymore.

Number Five!

You haven't been excused!

Come back here!

Not ready, my ass.

Vanya!

Ben!

Dad!

Anyone!

Come on!

Shit.

I survived on scraps.

Canned food, cockroaches,

anything I could find.

You know that rumor
that Twinkies have an endless shelf life?

Well, it's total bullshit.

- I can't even imagine.
- You do whatever it takes to survive,

or you die.

So we adapted.

Whatever the world threw at us,
we found a way to overcome it.

We?

You got anything stronger?

You think I'm crazy.

No. It's just...

it's a lot to take in.

Exactly what don't you understand?

Why didn't you just time travel back?

Gee, wish I'd thought of that.

Time travel is a crapshoot.

I went into the ice and never acorn-ed.

You think I didn't try everything
to get back to my family?

If you grew old there,
you know, in the apocalypse,

how come you still look like a kid?

I told you already.

I must have got the equations wrong.

I mean, Dad always used to say that...

...time travel could mess up your mind.

Well, maybe that's what's happening?

This was a mistake. You're too young...

- too naive to understand.
- No. Five... Five, wait.

I haven't seen you in a long time,
and I don't want to lose you again.

That's all.

And you know what,
it's getting late, and...

I have lessons early, and I need to sleep,
and I'm sure you do, too.

Here.

We'll talk in the morning again.
Okay? I promise.

Night.

Night.

Reservation for Hazel and Cha-Cha.

Here you go. Room 225.

What about the other room?

Uh... Only one room was booked.

Dammit.
I'm sick of this cost-cutting bullshit.

Just tell me there's two beds.

Yes, ma'am.

Real firm.

Now, how long do you think
you'll be staying with us?

Just the one night. I believe
there's a package waiting for us.

Okay. Have a good night.

Go ahead. Say it.

What?

No point keeping it bottled up,
or it'll just give you heartburn,

and I gotta listen to you
complain about that, too.

Smells like cat piss.

First they cut our per diem,
and then our dental, and...

now we don't even get our own rooms.
Where does it end?

When we retire... or die.

Whatever comes first. But at least
we're not stuck in some cubicle.

Damn wrist is killing me.

Couldn't have made this into a backpack
or something?

What are you doing?

It's not like we're gonna use it
while we're doing the job, anyway.

It's against protocol.
We gotta have it with us at all times.

A rule written
by a bureaucrat

who never had to carry one.

They can shove their protocol
up their asses.

Let them try lugging around
the damn thing.

Never been after one of our own before.

They say what happened to the first guys?

- Liquidated.
- Dummy local hires.

You get what you pay for.

Okay, now, where's our guy?

Call dispatch.
We're going to need two more units.

Coming up to South Side
right now.

This is a once in a blue moon
type of situation, I'd say.

I'm inclined to agree.

Same gun on every vic,
all in fours.

All the casings are .223s.

Know what I think?

I think these idiots all shot each other.

And stabbed.

One in the throat,

one in the eye,

and this guy got his neck snapped.

All quick and efficient kills.

These guys were definitely professionals.
Dumb, but professionals.

Any witnesses?

Yes.

One.

It happened during her shift.

Well, that's lousy luck.

Ma'am,

I'm Detective Patch.

Hi, Agnes. Agnes Rofa.

Oh, I don't know,
did you want a last name?

I'll take it if you'll give it.

- Did you see what happened here?
- No, not exactly.

Let's start at the top.

Well, it was... it was a slow night.
It was quiet.

My last two customers were this...
older guy and... and his kid.

The guy had a dough...
No, that's not right.

The guy had an éclair,
and the kid had... had coffee.

I went... I went into the back room...

um, to just get some more change.

But then I heard his truck start up.

They drove away.

I heard shots.

And by the time I got back
in here...

everyone was...

...was, you know...

Was there anyone else in the shop?

No, I... I don't think so.

I'm sorry, not to be rude,
'cause you seem super sweet, but...

...do I have to go through all this again?

Again?

Well, I already told
the other detective everything.

What other detective?

Shit. Hang on, let me...

You don't talk to my witnesses,
understand?

Let me catch you up to speed,
Eudora.

Don't call me that!

Right, Detective Patch. What,
are we gonna keep things professional?

- I don't know if we ever agreed on much.
- We agreed on some things.

Did we really, though?

I'm confiscating this.

Military surplus,
practically giving them away.

And this.

No skin, super cheap, bought it on eBay.

That you can keep.

- You used to like that.
- Not anymore.

By the way, this thing might look
like a botched robbery,

but my gut's telling me something else
is going on here.

Look, the waitress, she mentioned
that Ishmael's Tow Truck guy.

Maybe they saw something.

You're not police, Diego, remember?

Yeah. I know.

Do you?

Because you show up and act
like you can be a part of this,

and you can't, not anymore.

I'm good at this.

- You know I can help you.
- I know you give me agita.

And I do not need...
I do not want your help.

Okay?

Lord, you test me.

Shit.

Hi.

Hey.

You know, it's funny.

I've had the same routine
for the last four years.

Now that I'm back down here,
I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.

I know the feeling.

Well, you must be eager to see Claire,
huh?

I didn't think it was possible
to miss a person this much.

But I've got some things I need to do
before I can see her.

You know, someday I'd really...

love for you to meet her.

Me?

Yeah, you.

- Why not?
- Well, does Claire even know about me?

What are you talking about?
Of course she knows about you.

I know, it's just that,
when you left, it seemed like...

all you wanted to do
was forget this place ever existed, so...

This place, yes.

But not you.

When Claire was little,
I used to read her books about the moon.

I'd tell her
her uncle was living up there.

That he was... protecting us from harm.

Really?

I mean, you were...
her own personal superhero.

You know, after all this time,
I know she would love to meet you.

Uh, Dad's monocle is still missing,
so I can't just forget about that.

Dad died
because his heart gave out, Luther.

Don't turn his death into a mission.

Is that what you think this is?

I think there's a reason
why you never left.

- No, no...
- Klaus! Klaus!

- Klaus, you...
- Please...

Klaus...

Why, Klaus?

Klaus, help me!

You know you talk in your sleep?

Oh...

- Oh...
- There's no point, you're out of drugs.

Shut your piehole, Ben.

Said with love.

I've got a crazy idea.

Why not try starting your day with...

a glass of orange juice or some eggs?

Can't smoke eggs.

One of these has gotta be gold-plated,
right?

Christ on a cracker!

Pogo?

My apologies, Master Klaus.

- I have a query for you.
- Oh?

Items from your father's office
have gone missing.

In particular, an ornate box
with pearl inlay.

- Really?
- Really?

You don't say.

Any idea where it went?

Come on!

No, no, no. No idea.

- Sorry.
- Liar.

- Drop dead.
- Low blow.

Would you shut up!

- Excuse me?
- Pogo, I didn't mean you, I just... I...

You know, there's been a lot of stuff
I've been dealing with.

Just a lot of memories coming up.
All those good times.

Well, not so much good times

as really awful, terrible,
depressing times.

The contents of that box are...

priceless.

Were they to find their way
back to the office,

whoever took it would be absolved
of any blame or consequences.

Oh, well, lucky bastard.

Indeed.

Hey, Five.

Oh, shit.

Uh, can I help you?

I need to know who this belongs to.

- Where did you get that?
- What do you care?

I... I found it...
at a playground, actually.

Uh, must have just...

...popped out.

I wanna return it to its rightful owner.

Oh... what a thoughtful young man.

Yeah. Look up the name for me, will ya?

Uh, I'm sorry, but patient records
are strictly confidential.

- That means I can't tell you...
- Yeah, I know what it means.

But I'll tell you what I can do.

I will take the eye off your hands
and return it to the owner.

I'm sure he or she will be very grateful,
so if I can just...

Yeah, you're not touching this eye.

Now, you listen here, young man...

No! You listen to me, asshole.

I've come a long way for this,

through some shit
your pea brain couldn't even comprehend,

so just give me the information I need,
and I'll be on my merry way.

And if you call me "young man"
one more time,

I'm gonna put your head
through that damn wall.

Oh, dear.

Call security.

Yeah.

Ballistics came back.
Bullets from all our shooters match.

- Round robin.
- Yeah, to quote a very smart woman,

"These idiots all shot each other."

Uh, we also got IDs
on all the deceased gentlemen.

Not so gentle, as it turns out.

- Criminal records?
- All of them. Battery, assault,

a few dishonorable discharges.
They're all hotheads. One and all.

- Well, that settles that.
- Well, there is just one thing.

Remember the victim
that got stabbed in the carotid artery?

Yeah, one of the guys stabbed the other.
What's the problem?

Fingerprints on the knife
don't match our guys.

But it gets weirder.

It did match an unsolved cold case
that came back, circa, get this...

1938.

Tell them to run it again.

We'll pick this up later.

Uncuff him.

- Thanks, Rodriguez.
- Bye.

So...

- Did you talk to the tow truck guy?
- Shut up and listen carefully.

The next time you interfere
in one of my investigations,

you so much as breathe
on one of my witnesses,

or touch a piece of evidence,

I'll charge you
with obstruction of justice.

You will do jail time.

That clear?

Damn.

You need to relax, Eudora.

- All this bureaucracy is get...
- Don't call me that.

Look, I know you.

You like playing by the rules,

but you live
for putting the scumbags away.

So why don't you put that badge down
for one night...

and you come out on the streets with me?

Without all this bullshit.

You're right, that sounds super fun.

But I think you missed some things

when you got yourself thrown out
of the police academy, so let me explain.

This bullshit is what gets convictions
in a court of law.

What you do out there is a fantasy.

I would love to play cops and robbers,
wear a mask, and feel important,

but guess what?

Recess is over.

It's grown-up time.

You're still trying to prove
that, when you were kids,

running around in those stupid uniforms,
that it wasn't for nothing.

Yeah... I know you, too, Diego.

Now leave, before I change my mind.

Focus.

Yeah.

Break. Break.

Move your feet.

Excuse me.

You're looking to box?
'Cause I may need fighters, too.

Oh, no, I'm looking for information
on one of the guys that uses your gym.

Diego Hargreeves?

Well, if you see him, you can tell him
I'm this far from firing his ass.

He works here?

Eh, he, uh, mops the floor
in exchange for the back room.

Okay. Thanks.

Think about the fight game, eh?

You got the build.

Five?

Are you upstairs?

Five?

Oh, thank God.

I was worried sick about you.

Sorry I left without saying goodbye.

No, look,
I'm the one that should be sorry.

Yeah, I was dismissive, and...

I... I guess I didn't know how to process
what you were saying.

- And I still can't, to be honest.
- Maybe you were right to be dismissive.

Maybe it wasn't real after all.

It felt real. Well...

like you said, the old man did say
time travel could contaminate the mind.

Then maybe I'm not the right person
for you to be talking to.

Look, I used to see someone.

A therapist.
I could give you her information.

Thanks, but...

I think I'm just gonna get some rest.

It's been a long time
since I've had a good sleep.

Okay.

That's so...

...touching, all that stuff about family
and Dad and time. Wow!

- Would you shut up? She'll hear you.
- I'm moist.

I told you
to put on something professional.

What? This is my nicest outfit.

We'll raid the old man's closet.

- As long as I get paid.
- When the job is done.

Okay, but just so we're clear
on the finer details,

I just gotta go into this place

and pretend to be your dear old dad,
correct?

- Yeah. Something like that.
- What's our cover story?

What? What are you talking about?

I mean, was I really young when I had you?
Like, 16? Like, young and...

- terribly misguided?
- Sure.

Your mother, that slut.

Whoever she was. We met at...

the disco. Okay? Remember that.

Oh, my God, the sex was amazing.

What a disturbing glimpse
into that thing you call a brain.

Don't make me put you in time-out.

Yo, Syd, it's Johnny.

Hey, look, we got a bunch of extra tows
down here, down on Empire Avenue.

The whole thing is a disaster.

Kids arrested.

Trucks as far as the eye can see.

You gotta tell me how you did
the London job in '66.

Beautiful work. Really.

I swear to Christ, I have no idea
what you're talking...

I am just a tow truck driver.
I've never even been to London.

Tuna? Delicious. You want half?

I'm fine, thanks.

That's for no mayo.

Does Number Five seem
like he'd be a whimperer to you?

Not from what I heard.

- That seems close enough to me.
- Strong resemblance, I'll grant you that,

but... the space
between the eyes is different,

the chin is not quite the same.
There's a dimple.

There is a dimple.

I am not the guy that you are look...

No talking.

He was the only guy in the doughnut shop,
wasn't he?

Was there anyone else in the doughnut shop
with you last night, Syd?

I don't know, just the waitress
and some kid.

- Some kid? Elaborate.
- I... I don't know. Uh... He was weird.

This isn't twenty questions, old man.
Weird how?

He said something
about coming there when he was young.

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Italian for dinner?

Focus, I'm talking about the kid.

- What about him?
- Time travel's a bitch.

Especially without a briefcase.

What if the kid is Number Five?

It's sort of hard
to wrap your head around.

You see, I told you, I am not the guy...

- What else did you and the kid talk about?
- I... I think that's it.

- Oh, wait, wait, wait...
- What are you doing?

Jump-starting your memory.

All I remember is he wanted directions

to some department store.
That’s it, I swear.

Department store? Okay. Elaborate.

But I'm leaving for the airport.
It's not a big deal if I miss one session.

Patrick, it was my father's funeral.
You know, I'm pretty sure

the court recognizes that
as extenuating circumstances.

Is Claire there?

Yes, I would like to say hello
to my daughter

if that's all right with you.

No.

Patrick!

Don't...

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Well,
I've never met your ex-husband, but...

he sounds like an asshole.

That's one word for it.

You know what?
You're probably better off here.

No, I'm probably better off
with my daughter.

Of course, um...

I'm sorry. I didn't...

You know, if I wanted advice, Vanya,
no offense, it wouldn't be from you.

- What is that supposed to mean?
- You don't have a child.

- You've never even been in a relationship.
- That's not true.

So you know what it's like
to love someone like this?

Like when you're apart from her,
you can't breathe?

Like you would... you would die,
and I... I mean actually...

die...

to know that she's okay and happy.

You separate yourself
from everyone and everything.

You always have.

Because Dad made me.

Did Dad make you write that book
about us, too?

You're an adult now, Vanya.

You don't get to blame your problems
on anyone but yourself.

Like I said to your son earlier,

any information about the prosthetics
we build is strictly confidential.

Without the client's consent,
I simply can't help you.

Well, we can't get consent
if you don't give us a name.

Well, that's not my problem.

Sorry. Now, there's really nothing more
I can do, so...

And what about my consent?

- Excuse me?
- Who gave you permission...

...to lay your hands...

on my son?

- What?
- You heard me.

- I didn't touch your son.
- Oh, really?

Well, then how did he get
that swollen lip, then?

He doesn't have a swollen...

I want it. Name, please. Now.

You're crazy.

You got no idea.

"Peace on Earth." That's so sweet.

God, that hurt!

I'm calling secur...

- What are you doing?
- There's been an assault...

in Mr. Big's office,
and we need security, now. Schnell!

Now, here's what's gonna happen, Grant.

It's... Lance.

In about 60 seconds,

two security guards are gonna burst
through that door,

and they're gonna see
a whole lot of blood,

and they're gonna wonder,
"What the hell happened?"

And we're gonna tell them that you...

...beat the shit out of us.

You're gonna do great in prison, Grant.
Trust me, I've been there.

Little piece of chicken like you.

Oh, my God, you're gonna get passed around
like a...

You're just... You're gonna do great.
That's all I'm saying.

Jesus, you are a real sick bastard.

Thank you.

- Oh, that's strange.
- What?

Uh, the eye.
It hasn't been purchased by a client yet.

What? What do you mean?

Well, uh, our logs say that the eye
with that serial number...

This can't be right.
It hasn't even been manufactured yet.

Where did you get that eye?

Well, this is not good.

I was pretty good, though, right?
"Yeah. What about my consent, bitch?"

Klaus, it doesn't matter.

What? What?
What's the big deal with this eye, anyway?

There is someone out there
who's going to lose an eye

in the next seven days.

They're gonna bring about the end
of life on this Earth as we know it.

Yeah, can I get that 20 bucks, like, now,
or what?

Your 20 bucks?

Yeah, my 20 bucks.

The apocalypse is coming,

and all you can think about
is getting high?

Well, I'm also quite hungry.

Tummy's a-rumblin'.

You're useless.

- You're all useless!
- Oh, come on.

You need to lighten up, old man.

Hey, you know, I've just now realized
why you're so uptight.

You must be horny as hell!

All those years by yourself.

It's gotta screw with your head,
being alone.

Well...

I wasn't alone.

Oh?

Pray tell.

Her name was Delores.

We were together for over 30 years.

Thirty years? Oh, wow!

God, the longest
I've been with someone was...

I don't know, three weeks.

And that's only because I was
so tired of looking for a place to sleep.

He did make the most fantastic
osso buco, though. It was...

Five?

Don't stop. Just keep going.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
what about my money?

He's not here, Mrs. Kowalski.

Mr. Puddles isn't here.

Can I help you?

I'm Leonard.

I'm your four o’clock.

Oh, my... I forgot. I am so sorry.

I swear I had nothing to do
with Mr. Puddles.

Oh, no...

Sorry, it's, uh, my neighbor,
Mrs. Kowalski.

She... Well, she has this cat
that always goes missing.

She thinks I know where it is. I don't.

She's older.

And I should stop... talking.

I'm so sorry. Please come in.

I'm guessing I look different...
than your usual students.

- Um, yeah, you can just...
- Yeah.

Yeah, 20 years or so different.

Well, the ad didn't say anything
about age limits.

No, no, of course not.
It's... most of my students are kids.

Easier to learn music when you're young.
You know, like a second language.

Ich verstehe!

That's German... for "I understand."

I took three years of that in high school.

- And that's all I can remember.
- Mm.

Well, it's right over here.

If you wanna...

Let me just... Sorry...

- Oh, it's fine.
- ...get organized for a second.

Mm-hmm.

Ah.

Oh!

- You're really just going for it.
- Yeah.

Um, no, I'll actually take that.

And we're just gonna start
with the basics.

- What's up? Hey, Diego.
- Yo. What up, Nigel?

What's up, Diego?

- Doing good, huh?
- Sí.

Ow! What the...

- I could smell it was you.
- What the hell?

- You could have killed me.
- If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead.

It's a nice place.

I like it.

So why didn't you tell me?

Tell you what?

That you were fighting the night
that Dad died.

I checked with the guys out there.

Well, I shouldn't have to prove
my innocence to you...

or anyone else in this family.

Yeah, you're right.

- But, I just thought that...
- Yeah.

I know what you thought.

Now...

you have a nice day, brother.

All right.

That's coming along.

Looks like I chose the right teacher.

Oh...

I don't know about that.

My next student could probably lecture me
on what I'm doing wrong.

She's... She's a bit of a prodigy.

Well, you can relax.

I have never been a prodigy at anything.

Well, that makes two of us.

- So...
- So, I will see you next week,

and, uh, practice the bow hold,
uh, and maybe...

get a violin.

You can be honest.

Do you think it's weird
wanting to learn violin this late in life?

No, no.

Monet didn't really start painting
until his forties.

He did all right for himself.

No, if you love music,
then you're in the right place.

I'd say you're describing
my dad more than me.

He was the music lover.

It's kind of why I'm here.

He passed away a while ago.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, no, it's fine.
We had a complicated relationship.

Didn't really get each other, you know?

But he loved violin,
and that was not my thing.

So I guess I'm here
to... understand him better,

if that makes any sense.

Family.

It's never easy, right?

Sorry for getting heavy on you there.

- Um, stupid, I know.
- No.

- No, stupid is not knowing.
- Oh.

Believe me, uh, I get it.

Mm-hmm.

Well... thanks.

Guess I'll see you next week.

Yeah.

Uh...

I'm a woodworker.

I have a shop in, uh, Bricktown.

You should come by some time.

You know, check it out.

This week I'm... busy, but...

It's fine. I understand.

Another time.

See you next week.

Bye.

Ah, Miss Allison.

I was looking for you.

How did you, uh...
How did you know I was up here?

Oh, it wasn't hard.

This is always where you used to come
when you were upset.

Who told you I was...

Luther.

Actually, it was Miss Vanya.

She called to make sure you were okay.

Yeah, I, um...

I said some pretty unkind things
to her.

She's your sister.
She knows you didn't mean it.

Doubt it.

She doesn't know anything about me,
which is fine

'cause I don't know shit about her either.

- Language.
- Sorry.

It's just...

it's been a while since we've all lived
under the same roof.

Almost 13 years.

How did you do it?

Alone in this huge house for so long.

Well, one grows used to things,

even if, sometimes...

one shouldn't.

Come with me.
I want to show you something.

It might just cheer you up.

And make sure
you fully extinguish that cigarette.

Wouldn't want to start a fire.

Your father stopped recording
years ago.

But I still come here from time to time.

When I'm missing you kids.

Pogo, this is...

Most families have home movies
to look back on.

We have surveillance footage.

- That's not true.
- I hoped it might cheer you up.

It does.

Oh, my God, look how little we were.

Luther. Luther, quit it.

Oh! Ben and I?

I miss him so much.

And Vanya.

Vanya...

Why didn't we include her?

I mean, if anybody ever treated Claire
like that, I can't even imagine...

You were a child, Miss Allison.

Yeah... but I'm not anymore.

And neither is she.

If you're not in a hurry,

the rest of the tapes are in that cabinet.

Make sure you lock up when you go.

Things have been disappearing lately.

These are too important to lose.

Oh, God.

Dad...

Delores.

It's good to see you.

I've missed you...

obviously.

Well, I...

It's been a rough couple of days.

No!

Oh, shit! It's them.

I'll be right back for you.

You see that?

You said he was special.
So now what?

You start over there, I'll go
to the other end. Meet in the middle.

Shoot anything that moves.

"Elastic wrist splint." Yes!

Shit! Come on!

Got him!

- The bastard jumped again.
- Come on, let's go.

Shit.

We have a 10-14
at Gimbel Brothers department store.

Shots fired. Repeat, shots fired.
6045 Vanderbilt.

There you are.
I've been looking everywhere for you.

What are you doing here?
I thought you were gone.

No, I was gonna go,
and then Pogo showed me this...

Well, listen...

- I was wrong about Dad's death.
- What?

Yeah, I was wrong about Diego. You know,
to accuse my own brother of that is just...

- No, I... I know, I get it...
- Seeing all of you and being back here...

I should be the one who's trying to bring
us back together, not tear us apart.

- Would you shut up?
- What?

You were right... about Dad.

Come on, I gotta show you something.

Five?

What the hell happened to you?

Are you okay? Can we help?

There's nothing you can do.

There's nothing any of you can do.