All language subtitles for Republic of Doyle s03e05 Dead MAn Talking.eng

[Narrator] Previously on Republic of Doyle...
[Mal] Kathleen, when did you get here?

[Kathleen] Tonight. Cool, hey?

[Jake] You show up here
without even a phone call.

[Kathleen] You know, Jake, this
is so none of your business.

[Carl] What are you at, copper?

[Mal] I misjudged you, Carl.

[Carl] Yeah, I appreciate that.

But if you keeps the
secret, we're square.

[Mal] Yeah.

[Kathleen] You know, we
need some catch up time.

[Tinny] I wanna hang, I do.
But I've got this big test coming up.

[Kathleen] Tinny, she seems a little pissed
at me. I'm sure we'll figure it out.

[Des] Are you an angel?

[Tinny] Who is this, Des?
[Des] This is Chandra.

[Tinny] I don't care what skank
you might be making out with.

[Des] Uh, that skank has a name.

[Jake] The guy you were with, your date. Is
there something real there between you two?

[Leslie] Maybe.

[Tinny] What about tonight?

We could go for a walk or something.

Just you and me... all alone.

[Des] Alone... alone! Yeah.

Yeah, that's um...
That is totally something we could do...

If that's the best thing to do
this evening, for you and me.

Great. Great.

[Tinny] It's just... I miss you.

Like, hanging out with you and stuff.

[Des] Yeah, I don't know how I feel,
but it's something like weird.

(Phone chiming)

[Tinny] What?

[Des] Uh, nothing. Nothing.

[Kathleen] Hey, isn't that the
famous wrongfully convicted guy?

[Reporter] Carl Maher, a man who
was granted a healthy settlement

for an overturned murder two
years ago has died today.

Mr. Maher... [Tinny] Hmm.
Poppy and Uncle Jake worked a case for him.

[Des] Yeah. He was a crazy dude.

[Reporter] ...A diving accident
off the coast of Newfoundland,

near Belle Island.

[Kathleen] I wonder who
is getting all his money.

[Rose] Morning.

[Kathleen] Hey! Good morning.
So I have some good news. I have

[Rose] Kathleen, you
don't have to do that.

[Kathleen] Rose...
[Rose] This is your house too.

[Kathleen] It's fine. It is.

We all need our alone time.

So... [Kathleen] 'Kay, so come on runt.
Let's take on signal hill.

[Tinny] Whatever.
So we're on for later, right?

[Des] Uh, I'm gonna give you a
solid, definite maybe. I'll

check in with you... later.

[Rose] Thinking yours is the real deal.
Mine is just a cheap

knock off Jake bought me for Christmas.

[Kathleen] Huh?

[Rose] Your purse. It's real.

[Kathleen] Oh, my purse.

[Rose] Mine's fake.

[Kathleen] Mine was a gift.

[Kathleen] I mean, 2 grand,
I mean, I would never.

[Rose] (Laughs) No. Me neither.

I wouldn't have anything
left to put in it.

[Kathleen] Okay so we'll see you later, Rose.
Um, yeah so, maybe

I could make us supper later.

[Rose] Yeah, that'd be really nice.

[Kathleen] Okay.

[Rose] Enjoy your hike.

[Des] Yeah, I got to go to the doctor.
I got stuff to be had too.

[Rose] Alright love.

[Mal] When I said "fill up the
van" I didn't mean the inside.

The thing reeks of gasoline.

[Jake] Okay, first of all, it's turpentine.
And second of all,

blame Des. It's his fault.

[Mal] You're both cut off from that van.
I put a lot of work

into it. Touch it again
and I'll board it up.

And you left the TV on again.
Good to know you're made of money.

[Jake] Just shut up
and listen, will you?

[Reporter] Mr. Maher was a news
maker on many levels, from his

conviction to his release to
his subsequent settlement of

4 million dollars. Mr. Maher leaves behind
his wife Olive, and sister Crystal.

[Jake] Carl Maher is dead?

[Crystal] Yes.

[Mal] Crystal Maher?

[Crystal] I really need to talk to you.
It's about my brother, Carl.

[Mal] You okay, dear?

[Crystal] To be honest Malachy, I'm
feeling a tad bit on the guilty side.

[Jake] Guilty for what?

[Crystal] Oh baby, you'll see.

[Jake] Why'd you do that to me?

[Crystal] Shh.

[Jake] (Thud)

[Crystal] Sweetie pie.

[Carl] What are you at?

[Jake] Carl?

[Carl] Just relax, me buddy.
Go with it.

[Carl] Have a good nap now.

[Jake] Carl--

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

[Carl] (Whistles)

Hello?

[Mal] I thought you were dead.

[Carl] That's what my
murderer thinks too.

[Mal] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Easy, Carl. Easy.

[Jake] What did you drug
us with, you psycho?

[Carl] Relax copper. I'm not gonna kill him, sure.
I'm dead, remember?

[Crystal] Sure, he's too cute to kill.

[Carl] That is right. Here.

It's already loaded.

All you gotta do is pull the trigger, my son.
You don't trust me? Shoot me.

[Mal] How are we supposed to trust you Carl?
[Carl] Who got the gun, b'y?

Jake does. Now if you're going to
shoot me, do it. If not, stop

all this sucky bullshit.
I need your help.

[Crystal] (Laugh)

[Jake] (Thud)

[Carl] Why's he so messed up?

[Crystal] I gave him a
drop more of the sedative.

[Carl] Freak show of a woman, right?

[Carl] Just leave the poor
fellow alone, love. Go get the

copper and me a drink. Go on.

[Carl] Sorry about that. Sorry about that.
It's the only way we

could get you here without
being followed, right?

[Jake] Oh I get it.
Drug us and kidnap us, and then you hire us.

Listen buddy, we gotta go.
Have a nice, you know, afterlife.

[Jake] Or perhaps we could stay
for one drink, wha father?

[Carl] So everyone thinks I died scuba diving.
I almost did, sure.

[Crystal] Someone messed up his oxygen
tanks the morning he left. He almost died.

[Carl] I had to crawl myself up
to the surface. A lesser man

would be dead, b'y, dead.

[Mal] So, you decided to fake
your own death, then hire us to

find out who tried to kill you.

[Carl] He's some sharp.

[Crystal] Tell them
about the other stuff.

[Carl] Okay, somebody turn on my
car in the middle of the night

in the garage, tried to
off me while I slept.

[Crystal] Carbon monoxide poisoning.

[Mal] Thank you.

[Crystal] Then, they put
cats in my brother's house.

[Carl] Mm hmm.
[Jake] Cats?

[Carl] Got a severe allergy.

That there, that's my wife, Olive.
I think she's the one that wants me dead.

[Jake] There's a healthy marriage.

[Crystal] Everyone wants his money.

[Carl] Yes, but nobody knows
where it's to, right? Crystal?

Can't trust the lot of them.

That's Erin Riggs, my business partner.
That there, the one

that keeps my books, Bertie Antle.
Hated him since I hired him.

[Jake] If you think someone's trying to kill
you, why don't you just go to the cops?

[Carl] Woman, stay away from the money!

[Carl] Would you trust the cops
if you was me? I'll give you

half now and half later.

[Mal] So, we'll see
what we can do, Carl.

[Carl] I dare say you will, sir.

[Jake] (Coughing)

[♪]

[Rose] Okay, so someone's
trying to kill him?

[Mal] Might be. I don't know.

Who's got the most to gain from
Carl being dead? That's the

4 million dollar question.

[Jake] You know what?
We should stick Des with him in that weird

bunker place. You know, keep an eye,
see if anyone's coming or going.

[Jake] Oh, and by the way,
what happened to my house key?

[Mal] I gave it to Kathleen.

[Jake] So you took it
off of my key chain?

[Mal] Grow up.
You don't live there anymore.

[Jake] Oh I get it.
He's too cheap to get a new one cut.

Nice.

[Rose] See ya.

Speaking of Kathleen, she's
looking for an apartment.

[Mal] Oh.

Oh, that's great. Great.

[Rose] Yeah. I really like her.

You raised a good kid.

[Mal] One kid out of three ain't too bad.
See you later, doll.

[Des] Boozy coffees?

[Chandra] Uh, not likely. I have class.

[Chandra] (Kiss)

So, about tonight.
What do you want to do?

[Des] Yeah, about that.
I was thinking, uh, we could do

something, uh, maybe separately,
uh, and then we could get

together tomorrow to discuss,
just you and me, recapping

tonight, which we'd do apart.

[Chandra] Des, is everything okay?

[Des] Yeah. Yeah!

(Phone ringing)

Oh, sorry. Uh, I just...
Uh... oh, that's work.

I gotta take this.

Just, just one second.

[Chandra] Okay.
[Des] Jake?

[Jake] Top secret mission.

You ready?

[Des] Born.

[Jake] What?

[Des] I'm... born ready.
For the mission.

[Jake] Calm down. Alright?
I need you to, uh, babysit Carl

Maher. It's kind of like
a security detail thing.

[Des] Carl Maher?
You know I can't see dead people, right?

[Jake] Okay, just shut up.
I'll text you the location. Tell no one, alright?

[Des] Okay.

[Des] Uh, I'm really sorry. I, um...
I gotta go. Can we maybe

talk later though, or something?

[Chandra] Uh... it's... yeah, it's fine.
I-- I gotta study anyway, so...

[Des] That's hot.
I mean, you-- you are hot. I mean, yes!

[Chandra] (Laughs)

[Des] You-- you-- yeah, you are hot.
You look good.

[Chandra] Get outta here.
[Des] Okay. (Laughs)

[Jake] So Carl thinks his wife tried to kill
him. Really, it's a match made in heaven.

[Mal] Let's just talk
to her, feel her out.

[Jake] What the hell is this?

[Mal] Erin and Bert.

[Bert] I told you to
give it a few days.

[Erin] While we watch the whole
business go under? I thought

Olive would be glad to sell.

[Bert] Your little gift for
Olive didn't soften her stance.

But I'll put it to good use.

[Erin] Bert, give me-- give me that!
You've been sober three years.

[Bert] Well, perfect.
It'll give me a reason to celebrate! I

hated Carl when he was alive,
and now even from the grave he's

making my life a living hell.

[Jake] Guess what?

[Bert] Don't-- [♪]

(Door shutting)

(Knocking)

[Jake] Hi Olive.

[Olive] Who are you?
Did they send you to get me to sign the

business over? Because if they did
I already gave you my answer.

[Mal] No, no, no.
We're private investigators, actually. We

wanted to talk to you about the circumstances
surrounding your husband's... death.

[Olive] Who hired you? Crystal?

She thinks I killed him. And I didn't.
It's hard enough living

with her. The woman's a maniac!

[Jake] It's nothing like that.

We're just friends of Carl's, and, um,
we're just looking for a little insight.

[Olive] I'm sorry.
It's just, it's been a trying day.

[Olive] Carl went diving on his own.
Which I begged him not to

do. Sometimes you just
couldn't tell him anything.

[Jake] It's no secret that Carl...
Well, that he had a lot of money.

[Olive] You want to know who got his money?
You should talk to Crystal.

He gave her all the cash and left me half
of a

paving company that's been
losing money for months. But

honestly, money doesn't matter.

Without Carl, it's not worth anything.

None of it.

[Olive] If you'll see yourselves
out, I'm going to try to get a

minute of sleep while crazy
Crystal's out of the house. Lock

the door behind you.

[Mal] Sorry for your loss.

[Jake] She's obviously
not a fan of Crystal's.

[Mal] Take that as a warning.
I know she drugged us, and a

normal man wouldn't see that as a turn-on,
but we're talking about you, remember?

(Phone ringing)

[Mal] I'm gonna track down the
business partners, have a chat.

See you later.

[Jake] Hello?

[Kathleen] Jake, this is kind of
an emergency, okay? Do you have

Rose's cell phone number?

[Jake] Oh great. What did you do?

[Kathleen] Just give me the
number and don't be a brat.

[Jake] Well, the number is on a
piece of paper stuck to the

fridge, but I want to know, what
are you into here, Kathleen?

[Kathleen] You know what, I'm
not into anything, okay? And I

didn't do anything.

[Jake] Right.

(Rose's cell phone ringing)

[Jake] What was that? Hello?

Kathleen?

[Jake] Kathleen?

[Kathleen] Crap. Yeah, I gotta go.

[Jake] Ka-- (Seagulls)

(Construction noises)

[Erin] Bert and I have been
trying to buy out Carl's share

for over a year. But now Olive
refuses to sell. We're barely

staying afloat here. If she ties up
the business like this, we are sunk.

[Mal] Why won't she sell?

[Erin] It's beyond me.
She's got no interest in the paving

business. And, to be Frank, I'm not sure
she was very interested in Carl either.

[Mal] Is that a fact?

[Erin] No, it's not.
But if you ask me, I would tell you that

Olive only married Carl for his money.

[Bert] We gotta talk. Now.

[Mal] Hey Bert. How ya doing?

[Bert] I know you?
[Mal] Malachy Doyle.

[Erin] Malachy
is investigating Carl's death.

[Bert] Good luck with that.

[Erin] He's just ticked off.

With Carl dead, the whole thing's a mess.
Excuse me.

(Engine starting)

[Des] (Sigh)

I'm about to enter the hideout
of one Carl Maher. Oh,

and in case anything should
happen to me, I'd like to leave

all of my worldly possessions to a charity...
Of Tinny Doyle's choice.

[Des] Oh, and Jake?
Could you, um, could you erase all of my

Internet history and the cache
from my laptop? I just think

some things could be misinterpreted
given the circumstances.

Oh, and in case anyone was wondering,
I've been murdered by Carl Maher.

[Carl] Who are you?
[Des] uh, uh, I'm Des.

I'm-I'I'm no one...
[Des] (coughing)

[Des] I'm Des.

[Carl] Are you Des or are you no one?

[Des] I'm Des. Jake sent me.

Come on inside then.

(Click)

(Zap!)

[Des] (Thud)

[Des] (Sputtering)

[Carl] (Laughing)

[Carl] Oh, my son, you should see your face.
It's priceless.

[Des] Jake wanted me to...
[Carl] Babysit the dead man.

Yes, I knows, b'y, I knows.
Just yanking your chain. Get up, get up.

[Carl] You like guns?

[Des] Sure.

[Carl] Come on.

[Kathleen] Yeah, Rose just left
her phone behind and I thought

maybe she was out with you, so, yeah, I'll
just, I'll just try someone else. Thanks.

[Jake] You wanna tell
me what's going on?

[Kathleen] You know what? My Prada purse
is missing, and I think Rose took it.

[Jake] You think that Rose stole your purse?
What are you, a lunatic?

[Kathleen] No, I know Rose didn't
steal my purse, arsehole,

I think she took it by mistake.

[Jake] So what if she did?

[Kathleen] I have drugs in the purse, okay?
Yep. Three grams of hash oil.

[Jake] Can you still get hash oil?

[Kathleen] Jake, this
is really serious.

[Jake] Three grams of hash oil.

Look, I-- I'm sure it's fine, okay?
Rose is no prude, believe me.

[Kathleen] I guess I just don't want her
thinking I'm some sort of criminal, you know?

[Jake] Look, relax, okay?
Rose is cool. It'll be, uh... fine.

[Jake] Hello?

[Crystal] Someone's in the house
and they're trying to kill me.

[Jake] (Sigh)

Really? Okay. Just stay there,
and I'll be there in a minute.

[Crystal] Come quick, please.
I may end up dead, Jake. Do you want that?

[Jake] Alright, I gotta go.

It's a-- [Kathleen] Yeah.

[Jake] Never mind.

[Kathleen] Yeah, go.

[♪]

(Dogs barking)

[Officer] All right,
all right, come on.

[Leslie] Fling, can you run them
around the circuit one more time?

[Fling] Okay, come on. Again.

[Rose] Nice day for dog training.

[Leslie] Yeah. It's too bad we can't
train them to get me a coffee.

[Rose] Oh.
Did you have a hard one last night?

[Leslie] It was a going away
party for one of the b'ys.

A little later than what I'm used to.

[Officer] C'mon boy. C'mon. Up!

[Leslie] Rose?
[Rose] What?

[Leslie] Your glasses for a minute?
My head's killing me.

(Barking)

[Rose] Here you go.

[Leslie] Thanks.

[Leslie] If you're wondering
about the Carl Maher accident,

Jake already asked.
Foul play was ruled out. We didn't find

much. The diving tanks and gear
and everything was swept out to

sea, along with his body.

[Rose] Wow, right.

[Leslie] That's a nice bag. P.I.

Business is treating you well I see.

[Rose] (Laughing) No, it's a knock off.

[Leslie] Really?
I could have sworn that's the real deal.

[Rose] Not likely.
I'll-- I'll talk to you later.

(Clears throat)

Feel better, hey?

[Leslie] Rose, get back here.

[Leslie] Your glasses.

[Rose] Oh yeah.
You keep them for the day.

[Leslie] No, I'll just
forget them someplace.

[Rose] Okay.

[Dog] (Whimper)

[Rose] Oh my. What a... friendly dog.

[Dog] (Bark)

[Leslie] Rose, that's a drug dog.
I'm sorry, I'm going to

have to look in that purse.

[Carl] Hee-ya!

(Gun shots)

(Noises)

(Laugh)

Go on and set 'em up.
We goes again. Come on boy.

[Des] Okay.

(Crash)

[Carl] Faster, b'y.
Faster, faster, faster. Go.

(Crashing)

[Carl] You know, this panic room
is fully sound proof. I could

kill you in here, and not a
blessed soul on the whole earth

would know about it.
That's awesome, right?

[Des] That is awesome.

[Des] Please don't let him kill me.
I don't want to die here.

[Carl] Come out.

Calm down, hold it up, alright?
[Des] Okay.

[Carl] Hold it up nice and steady.
[Des] Alright.

[Carl] Take a nice breath.
Calm down, okay?

[Des] Okay.

[Carl] It's all good. Right?

[Des] Okay.

[Carl] Take a breath, aim...
Now shoot, b'y, shoot!

(Rapid gun fire)

[Carl] (Laughing)

What's wrong with you?

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Reload, try it again.

[Des] Okay.

[Carl] You gotta learn to protect
yourself, boy. You never

knows when you're going to need it.

[Des] Yeah, yeah, tell me about it.

(Gun shots)

[Des] Carl!
Carl, I got three of them! Carl!

Carl?

Aw, poopy.

(Knocking)

[Jake] Well, I though someone
was trying to kill you.

Man, you Maher's... you're certainly
good at faking your own deaths.

[Crystal] I guess I just needed your attention.
I was lonely. Is

that so bad, Jakey?

[Jake] Where's Olive?

[Crystal] Ah, don't worry. Olive is out.
It's just you... and me.

[Jake] Great.

(Clink)

[Crystal] Jakey, I'm worried...
About my brother.

[Jake] Well, at least you know he's alive.
There must be some comfort in that.

[Crystal] Carl thought Olive was running
around with that accountant, Bert.

[Jake] Really?

[Crystal] He thinks that's why
she was trying to kill him.

[Crystal] So she and
Bert could be together.

[Jake] You think that Carl faked his own
death so he could exact... revenge on Bert.

[Crystal] He's got a wicked temper.

[Jake] Indeed he does.

[Crystal] Carl changed his will.

He left all his money to me.
As a safety precaution.

[Jake] Well... [Crystal] (Kiss)

[Jake] I mean... isn't he, uh...
Isn't he worried that maybe you'll spend

it all?

[Crystal] I'd have to find it first.
Carl don't believe in

banks. God knows where it's stashed.
So I was thinking,

maybe you'd help a girl out.

[Jake] Whoa, whoa, whoa. You want me to
rob your brother with a sledgehammer?

[Crystal] It's gotta be around
here somewhere. 50-50, you

and me. Or we could make it a permanent
partnership and run away together.

[Jake] Okay, isn't this
place like full of cameras?

[Crystal] I walk around naked... a lot.

[Jake] Okay.

[Crystal] He turns the cameras
off, so we can do whatever we

wants and no one will see us.

[Jake/Crystal] (Kissing)

[Jake] I mean... you betraying
your brother, it's kind of rotten.

[Crystal] Don't make it sound so dirty.

[Mal] Am I interrupting something?

[Jake] No.

[Crystal] Yes!

(Jake's phone ringing)

(Mal's phone ringing)

[Jake] What?
[Mal] Hello?

[Carl] Copper, I need your help.

Now!

[Des] At first, I thought Carl
was playing hide-and-gun-seek,

or whatever weird thing he does, but um--
[Jake] What the hell are you talking about?

[Des] Okay, I looked everywhere
for him in this... weird, weird

place, but man, I lost him.

[Jake] You lost Carl?

[Mal] I found him. We gotta go.

Bye.

[Jake] Uh... Yo...

[Jake] Carl?

[Carl] Boys, Bertie was screwing
my wife, and now he's dead.

He's dead! Look!

[Carl] Nice job.

[Jake] So what do we do now?
We can't harbour an undead fugitive forever.

[Mal] Carl thinks Olive and
Bert were having an affair.

(Knocking)

[Jake] Hood?

[Mal] Reason to kill him?

[Jake] Yeah, maybe.
I mean, uh, Carl said something like he saw

them arguing on one of his cameras like they
were a couple. What does that even mean?

[Mal] Take a look at
your wedding video.

[Hood] So... [Mal] Hey.

[Hood] This Bert, according to the
coroner, someone moved him post-mortem.

[Mal] Cause of death?

[Hood] What do I look like?

[Jake] Well, if you're just going
to lob them over the plate

like that at me, hoodie, I have to answer it.
So you look like-- [Mal] Jake.

(Phone ringing)

[Jake] Sorry.
Hello?

[Rose] Jake! Don't say anything,
and do not tell Malachy that

you're on the phone with me right now.
I'm at the police

station. I-- I'm sort of under
arrest, and I-- I-- I may need

you to come bail me out.
Do not tell Malachy. Jake, Malachy

cannot know about this.

[Hood] What's up with him?

[Mal] God only knows.

[Jake] I'll call you... sometime.

(Door opening)

(Footsteps)

[Leslie] Thanks officer.
We don't need to do all that. Give us a minute?

(Door shutting)

[Leslie] Hash oil?

[Rose] Mmm. Glaucoma.
It's doctor prescribed.

[Leslie] Right. Let me guess.

Your doctor, his office is a
van down behind Shaw's garage?

[Rose] Come on Leslie.
It's not like I'm a drug dealer or anything.

[Leslie] Yeah, no, I suppose not.
But no matter what you believe...

Drugs are still illegal Rose.

[Rose] Yes, they are.

[Jake] Oh, I gotta go see Bennett.
She's depressed.

[Hood] Why is Bennett depressed?

[Jake] I don't know.
Maybe because her partner's an

arsehole who has terrible b.O.

[Hood] The two of you, out, now.

I've got better things to be doing
than helping an ungrateful jerk.

[Mal] Just block him out.
That's what I do.

[Hood] Sorry Mal, but you've got a disrespectful
son, and I'm done helping you. Out.

[Mal] That was smooth. Nice.

[Mal] Hey! Erin.

[Mal] You okay?

[Erin] Bert had no next of kin.

Just me. So I got called in to
answer a few questions. I can't

believe this happened.
I mean, poor Bert. You, know, first--

first Carl, and now this.

[Mal] Who do you think-- [Jake] Uh, uh, uh, uh...
I'll be-- I'll be-- I'll be--

I'll be right back.

[Mal] Who do you think
coulda really done this?

Bert told me he was meeting with Olive.
She was the last person to see him alive.

[Mal] Is that so?

[Erin] She and Bert were...
Well, people were talking.

Excuse me, I... excuse me.

[Leslie] So let me get this straight.
When were you diagnosed with glaucoma?

[Jake] Hi, Leslie.
Uh, listen, are you charging Rose, because

if you are, that's fine.
I can post bail and then can we go?

[Leslie] Excuse me?

[Jake] I'm-- I'm just saying that I know I'm
not her lawyer, or-- or-- or whatnot.

But, uh, I mean, if you're not charging her...
[Rose] For my glaucoma, remember?

[Jake] Crap.

[Leslie] Get out.

Get out!

[Jake] Going.

(Door shutting)

[Mal] You coming?

[Jake] Yeah.

[Mal] What's wrong? What are you doing?

[Jake] No, I'm just looking at some blinds.
I'm thinking about getting some for the office.

What do you think?

[Mal] Hurry up.

[Leslie] I'm warning you, Jake.

Don't get on my nerves today.

[Jake] Why would I-- why
would I-- why- I mean, I--?

[Rose] Pst. Hey, where's Malachy?

[Jake] He's just out by the friggin door.
Did you find the hash oil, I guess?

[Rose] Yeah, and this.
It was in Kathleen's purse.

[Jake] Why does Kathleen
have a gun in her purse?

[Rose] I don't know.
But don't tell Malachy anything about it

until I can talk to Kathleen.

[Mal] Hey! Dough-head. You coming?

[Jake] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Be there in a minute.

[Rose] See you later.

[Jake] (Sigh)

[Carl] Come on, son. You're making me some
nervous. I can't handle eyes on me.

[Des] Jake said not to take my
eyes off you, and I won't let

him down twice in one day.
I'm a man of my word, Carl.

(Phone ringing)

[Tinny] Yo.

[Des] Oh hey. Hi, yeah.
The Tin-- the Tinny.

Hey, how-- how you doing?

[Tinny] Don't be a freak.
Are we hanging later or what?

[Des] Yeah, I can't wait.

Totally. I-- I-- totally.
But I might have to, to work or something.

[Tinny] Right. Well, I'll see you back
at home, so... don't be too late.

[Des] Alright, bye.

[Carl] Buddy's got a woman.

[Des] It's no big deal.

[Jake] Carl.
[Carl] What?

[Jake] Did you kill Bert?

[Carl] No.

[Jake] You sure? You told us you
thought that he and your wife

were, you know... [Carl] If I was
you, I'd back right off, sir.

[Mal] Come on Carl. We need to know.
Did you think Bert and

Olive were having an affair?

(Paper crinkling)

[Jake] Well that's clearly
him and your wife.

[Mal] So she lied to us when we asked
if she saw Bert before his murder.

[Jake] Carl, you're a pretty excitable guy.
I mean, I can see

you killing a fellow for
a hell of a lot less.

[Carl] Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yes. But I had no proof.

Not enough to kill him.
Wish I was really dead now.

[Mal] Carl, we're going to go to
your house, talk to Olive, get

some clarity on this.
But Carl, we need you to stay here.

[Jake] Uh, dad?

All due respect, I mean, do
you really think that Des

there, we can count
on him to keep Carl?

[Des] Aw.

[♪]

[Des] Now Jake said to stay in
the van, and stay out of his

way. Because if anyone sees you alive,
Carl Maher, then the jig... is up.

[Carl] Oh.
[Des] Now that's Jake's words.

And I said, "you got it skipper."

And he said, "stop calling me that."

And I said, "Jakey-boy, little Jakey,
why don't you stop with the agro?".

[Carl] Really?

[Des] Yeah.

[Carl] Did you say that?

[Des] After he left, I said...
Right after... right after...

You want to start this off?

[Des] That stuff is very, very
bad for your brain, Carl.

[Carl] So is almost getting killed.

Mmm.

Mmm.

So... so tell me about your
women troubles. Trust me.

I've got tons of experience.

[Des] Really? That's cool.

[Crystal] (Banging!)

[Olive] Crystal!

You're a psycho!

Give me-- (Bang!)

[Jake] What the hell are you doing?

[Crystal] It's my money, Jake.

Back off.

[Mal] You wanna calm down there?

(Bang!)

[Jake] Olive?

We need to talk to you.

[Crystal] Oh, Olive!

You interested in her now?

[Mal] Dear lord.

(Bang!)

[Mal] Olive, what do you
know about Bert's death?

[Olive] Bert was a friend.
[Crystal] What kind of a friend?

[Olive] Oh, don't use that tone with me.
I know what you're

implying. A man's dead, my friend is
dead, so yes, I'm a little upset!

[Crystal] Get your hands off of me!

[Olive] Oh!

[Crystal] (Banging!)

[Jake] Okay, Olive, you were the
last person to see Bert alive.

[Olive] No, I wasn't.
I haven't seen Bert since this morning

when he came by with Erin.

[Crystal] I will hit you!

[Jake] You sure it wasn't later, when
you met him at the paving office?

[Olive] All of you just leave me alone.

[Jake] Would you give me that hammer?

[Crystal] Dammit Jake, I am entitled
to whatever is in this safe.

[Jake] Just-- [Crystal]
Get away from me!

I'm the inheritor.
It's in his will!

[Crystal] (Bang!)

[Jake] (Panting)

[Mal] Carl and Olive's
wedding pictures?

[Crystal] And some porn.

That's it!

There's no money, nothing!

Ha! Except this.

[Jake] It's an open-ended airline
ticket in Carl Maher's name.

[Mal] He's planning a get-away.

[Crystal] See. I told you.
He kills Bert and he beats it. And

he's got my money.

[Jake] But-- da-- I know it.

Don't say a word.

[Des] So, there are these two perfect,
perfect women, and they really like me.

[Carl] Have you tried...
Gettin' them together?

It could work.

[Des] It's just Tinny...
Tinny's off limit's man.

[Carl] Mmm.

[Des] Yeah. She's off limits, because-- she
only, she only likes me because she's bored.

[Carl] Mmm.

[Des] And she's-- and I'm, and I'm
terrified that she'll break my heart.

[Carl] She will. They always do.

[Des] Carl? What was I saying?

[Carl] Something about getting them...to kiss.
Is there any food in this van, or what?

[Des] What would I do if I was Jake?

[Carl] (Laughing) Jake... [Des] Yeah.

(Laughing)

[Carl] I loves it.

[Des] I love Jake.

[Des] I tell Tinny I love her...
[Carl] Whatever.

[Des] And I tell Chandra that we
are not right together right now.

[Carl] Mmm. (Inhale)

[Des] But there is a f-- [Carl] Fire.

[Des] Fire! There's a fire. Yes.

There's a fire between us.

That's an excellent choice
of words, Carl. A fire.

[Carl] There's a fire in here.
[Des] In my heart for Tinny too?

Yeah, yeah, there's fire.
It's really confusing.

[Carl] No man. There's a serious
fire in this van right now.

[Des] Oh.

[Des] Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God there's a fire

in the van. Fire in the van!
Get out of here! Carl, how do you

open the door? How do you open the door?
I've never opened it

before! How do you open it?!

[Carl] Push. Push, boy.

[Mal] Do you think Carl
faked this whole thing?

[Jake] Well I think that Carl's crazy, okay?
That much I know.

We just gotta make sure that he
keeps laying low and he doesn't

draw too much attention-- (Boom!)

[Mal] Des?

(Car horns)

[Rose] Hi there Kathleen.

So nice to see you.

[Kathleen] Rose, I am so sorry.

I'm so sorry-- [Kathleen] Ah, ah, ah!

[Rose] Would you like to explain
to me what you're doing...

With a gun in your purse?

[Rose] Although it did distract me from
almost getting busted for drug possession.

[Kathleen] I had a guy out west
who was stalking me for a while.

I got a gun. I never used it.
I just had it in case he tried anything.

[Rose] Really?

[Kathleen] Rose, I didn't mean
for you to take my purse!

I tried to call and everything
that I could think of.

[Kathleen] All I can say is I'm sorry.

[Rose] Forget it. Just don't ever bring a
gun into that house again, you got me?

[Kathleen] Yeah, of course.

[Rose] And if you have
hash oil, share it.

[Kathleen] I'm going to set this
straight, okay? I promise.

[Rose] Okay. I'm going to get rid of
this, and I think you owe me a drink.

[Kathleen] Deal.

[Kathleen] Uh, excuse me?
[Waitress] Yeah?

[Rose] Vodka. Lots of it.

[Waitress] Okay.

[♪]

[Mal] That van cost a lot of money.
Not to mention the fact

that you almost killed Des.

[Carl] Des is fine.

[Des] No I'm not.

[Carl] Besides, was I that
contracted you two to find out

who was trying to kill me, and they
almost succeeded right under your nose.

[Jake] Or you're just a stoned
idiot who blew up our van.

[Carl] 75 grand, love.

[Carl] Go on. Go buy a van now.

On me.

[Jake] So that's where you're stashing it.
You might want to

tell your sister and
save her the trouble.

[Carl] What's that s'posed to mean?

[Mal] She's been scouring your house
looking for your stashed money, Carl.

[Carl] You never mind about my sister.
Why don't you do your job?

[Des] Jake! I feel really funny.

Uh, I think Carl drugged me.
I am starving, but I feel like my

hands are too big to go inside a bag of chips.
How could that

happen? I-- I don't deserve
to feel this way.

[Carl] Des.

[Jake] (Sigh)

Do you ever think maybe no
one's trying to kill you?

[Carl] So I imagined this whole thing?

[Mal] Be an interesting way to
kill Bert and make a clean

getaway, and, uh, what are you doing
with an open-ended airline ticket?

[Carl] Back up plan, in case you

found out that Olive was the one who was
trying to kill me, I was going to disappear.

[Jake] Alright. Say you didn't kill Bert.
I think it's safe to

say whoever did is the one who's after you.
I'll go dig around in

Bert's things, see what I can't find.

[Mal] I'll stay here with Cheech
and Chong, make sure they don't

burn down the office too.

[Jake] Des.

(Snap)

[Des] Wha?
Wha's goin' on?

[Jake] Just cool down.
[Des] Okay.

[Jake] I need you to tap into
Carl's security cameras.

[Des] But Jake, my hands.

(Door shutting)

[Jake] Bert, you're drinkin' again.

[Jake] "Sorry for your
loss, Erin and Bert".

(Car engine)

[Jake] Okay, it's time that you
came clean with me. If you were

having an affair with Bert and, and Carl
finds out, he'll kill you and himself.

[Olive] Carl's dead.

[Jake] No, I know that. I mean...
If he was alive, he'd be

capable of killing you and himself.

[Olive] And I would never betray him.
I loved him.

[Jake] (Sigh) Olive. Look.

I know you met with Bert
just before he died.

[Olive] Okay. I met with him,
but only to tell him to back

off. He was pestering me about selling
him my share of the business.

[Jake] So why didn't you just sell it?

[Olive] Because something felt wrong.
I just-- it was losing

all that money, why would he want
it in the first place? So I

looked into it... take a look at this.

Bert lied. The company was making a fortune.
And he was hiding it from... Carl.

[Jake] Well now.

[Olive] I just wish I could...
See Carl one more time, you

know? I just wanted him safe and happy.

[Mal] You know Carl...
You got something very few people ever get.

[Carl] And what's that?

[Mal] Second chance to do things right.
Take it from someone who

was as close to death as you.

[Carl] I don't think I
like where this is going.

[Mal] I'm just saying, whatever
happens between you and Olive,

you just gotta move on with
life, with or without her.

[Carl] I love Olive.
The business and the money and all

that, it... it just, it don't
mean nothing unless I got her.

So I find out she was behind this...
I might as well stay dead, you know?

[Jake] Good news.
Your business is worth a fortune. The bad

news, Bert's been stealing from
you for years, and he's been

hiding it in the paper work.

[Carl] Where'd you get this?

[Jake] Olive gave it to me.

[Carl] What?

[Jake] She found out that Bert
was ripping you off, man.

[Carl] I guess it's time that I
became undead then, right? I

gotta go see my wife, boys. Wha?

Come on, we go and see
my wife, come on.

Come on!

Here we goes.

[Carl] Wait a minute... wait a minute.
Something's wrong here.

[Mal] Keep quiet.
We don't want to scare her to death.

[Jake] Olive? It's Jake.

Jake Doyle.

[Leslie] Jake, Malachy,
what are you doing here?

[Jake] What are you doing here?

[Leslie] We got a call.
Olive's missing.

[Carl] My wife's missing? Where is she?

[Leslie] Carl Maher?

[Carl] What?

[Leslie] Faking your own death
is a serious offense, Mr. Maher.

And you crowd are all accessories.

[Carl] I don't care about me.

You can lock me up if you wants,
but if my wife's missing you

gotta go find her.

[Leslie] Maybe she ran off into the
sunset, after she killed Bert Antle.

[Carl] The mouth on you!

[Leslie] Listen, since you
decided to play dead, you've

lost all credibility.

[Mal] Carl thinks someone
is trying to kill him.

[Jake] He decided to pretend
that they succeeded until we

could figure out who was
actually trying to kill him.

[Leslie] So who is it?

[Jake] We haven't...
Figure that out yet.

[Leslie] Alright.
Well, that's a brilliant strategy then.

[Mal] But whoever it was,
they could have taken Olive.

[Carl] That's right. She's in danger.

[Leslie] I said, we're
going to look into it.

[Carl] Sergeant, I'll swear on a
stack of bibles that them two

had nothing to do with it, so let
them go and find my wife, would ya?

[Leslie] Go on. Get out of here.

Now!

[Carl] Boys, you find Olive, and
you make sure she's alive.

And you tell her I'm sorry.
And that I loves her.

[Leslie] Time to go.

[Jake] Let's go.

(Car engine starting)

[Jake] Hey there, uh, Erin.

[Erin] Why? Why would he do that, pretend
to be dead like that? It's horrible.

[Mal] He was trying to figure
out who tried to kill him.

[Erin] I'm... just so glad he's alive.
Can't wait to see him.

[Jake] Hey!

Hood! Hood!

Hey, how you doing?

Listen, hate to bother you. We just really
want to see Bert Antle's toxicology report.

[Hood] And I want bangs, but
that ain't gonna happen.

[Mal] It's a bit of an emergency, Dan.

[Hood] For you Mal. He was poisoned.
Some weird concoction

of narcotics.
Dropped him like an elephant.

[Jake] Uh, thanks a lot hood.

[Mal] Crystal Maher was pretty
handy with that syringe.

[Jake] Let's go.

(Car engine)

[Mal] Heading on vacation?
Most hotels come furnished, FYI.

[Crystal] Just taking my inheritance.

[Jake] You do know that
he's really alive, right?

[Crystal] So does everyone,
thanks to the two of you. I

gotta get out of here before the
cops think I'm an accessory.

[Jake] Or a murderer.

[Crystal] What?

[Jake] Bert was poisoned.
Now dad, who do we know that looks

really good in a blue dress
and likes to play chemist?

[Mal] You drugged us up pretty good.

[Crystal] What? You don't think...
[Crystal] I didn't kill anyone... yet.

But if you follow me,
that might change.

(Phone ringing)

[Jake] Now what?

[Des] Yo, Jake-o, skipper-o.
I think I found out something for ya.

[Jake] What?

[Des] Carl Maher was released on bail.

[Jake] Okay, good.
Did you tap into Carl's security cameras?

[Des] So I tapped into
Carl's security footage.

[Jake] And?

[Des] That missus, Erin, she's
at Carl's bunker with Carl.

[Jake] Okay, good.

[Des] Wait, no, no, no. But Olive is with
them, and they're all tied up and stuff.

[Mal] What?

[Jake] We gotta go.

[Erin] I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
I didn't. It all just... spun out of control.

Erin, my ducky, just let her go. Alright?
You can do whatever you want with me. C'mon.

[Olive] No.
We are going out of here together.

[Erin] I'm not letting
either of you go.

[Carl] Why're you doing this?

[Erin] Look, everything was fine
until we thought you were dead,

Carl. You were just about
to sell to Bert and me.

[Olive] So you didn't try to kill Carl?

[Erin] No.
I had nothing to do with that.

[Carl] So why're you
trying to kill me now?

[Erin] Olive figured you out,
that, that Bert and me, we

were... we were stealing from you. I--

[Olive] So why did you kill Bert?

[Erin] I didn't. That poison was meant for you.
It was in that

scotch bottle. You-- you drink like a...
Like a fish.

[Erin] And Bert was on the wagon.

[Carl] Well then you're
more messed up than I am.

[Jake] Hey there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[Mal] Hello?

(Gun shot)

[Carl] (Yelling)

(Gun shot)

[Erin] (Scream)

[Jake] Carl.

[Erin] (Laboured breathing)

[Mal] Yeah, we're going
to need an ambulance.

[Olive] (Crying)

[Mal] Erin's going to be okay.

They're transferring her
to the prison hospital.

[Carl] So Crystal robbed me and
then she took off, did she?

[Jake] Yeah. No idea where she is now.

[Carl] Ah, she'll be back, b'y.

She's sweet under all that.

[Jake] Oh yeah, she's a real doll.

[Carl] You and me, now.
I suppose I owes you your cash, right?

[Carl] Mmm hmm.

Now I don't trust the banks.
And the market, the way it's buckling.

[Carl] (Bang!)

[Jake] What the hell, man?

[Carl] You wanna get paid or not?

[Carl] (Bang!)

[Olive] Carl, what are you doing?

[Carl] Nothing.

That's right. That's right, honey.
You never did solve who was trying to kill me.

Neither of you did.

[Des] Right, okay.

I think everyone needs to see this.
Okay, so I had to go

back three weeks to the second last time that
Carl went wreck diving, and I found this.

[Des] See that?

[Carl] (Karate noises)

[Carl] I I-- I have no
recollection of that at all.

You broke the gauge yourself. .

Carl, were you high again?

[Carl] Baby, I told you,
I don't be at that.

[Des] So the gas poisoning and
the cats, it was all you!

Carl. Carl.
You gotta lay off the weed, man.

[Des] I mean, Carl doesn't
smoke weed, man.

[Des] Chandra.

You're in my home.

[Chandra] Rose let me in.

Lovely woman.

[Des] Yeah, I think I have a crush on her.
I mean, it's not

like that, it's not weird, it's
not sexual or anything. What?

[Chandra] Everything okay?

[Des] Yeah.

[Chandra] You know Des, I feel
like you're holding back, so I

think maybe we should end it
here before we go too far--

[Tinny] Oh! Sorry.

[Des] Hi! Hi! Tinny! Hey, sorry.

This is, um... it's uh... Chandra!

Chandra, my nearly doctor friend.

[Tinny] Des, it's okay.

We met... kind of.

I'm Tinny. Des' surrogate sister.

[Chandra] Chandra.

Nice to meet you... again.

[All] (Laughing)

[Tinny] Well, I'll leave you to it.

[Des] Okay.

[Chandra] She seems nice.

[Des] Yeah.

She's great.

She's great.

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