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1
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Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen
www.Addic7ed.Com
2
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(Straining)
3
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(Grunts, breathes heavily)
4
00:00:15,497 --> 00:00:18,466
Oh!
5
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:20,334
(Pants)
6
00:00:20,385 --> 00:00:23,254
(Grunts)
7
00:00:23,305 --> 00:00:25,306
Man, he's really
struggling with that thing.
8
00:00:25,340 --> 00:00:26,424
Looks pretty heavy.
9
00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:30,261
I can't sit here and watch this.
10
00:00:30,312 --> 00:00:31,429
I'm gonna go give him some help.
11
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Lift with your legs!
12
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(Snaps fingers)
13
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Aww, you're a good friend.
14
00:00:39,154 --> 00:00:40,404
That's what I do.
15
00:00:40,439 --> 00:00:42,240
Yo, so what's in the trunk?
16
00:00:42,274 --> 00:00:43,357
I'll give you a hint.
17
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You wouldn't be standing
here today without it.
18
00:00:45,494 --> 00:00:48,412
You locked my mother in the trunk!
19
00:00:48,447 --> 00:00:50,414
(Gasps, speaks Spanish)
20
00:00:50,449 --> 00:00:52,116
Okay okay okay.
21
00:00:52,167 --> 00:00:54,201
Your mother's not in the trunk.
22
00:00:55,287 --> 00:00:58,372
Hey, dude, um, what're you doing
with a bunch of old clothes?
23
00:00:58,423 --> 00:01:01,092
These are artifacts from
the battle of Seaford Hill.
24
00:01:01,126 --> 00:01:04,045
The President of the historical
society handselected me
25
00:01:04,047 --> 00:01:05,429
to be the director of the reenactment.
26
00:01:05,464 --> 00:01:07,431
Wait, aren't you the president?
27
00:01:07,466 --> 00:01:09,300
I said "handselected."
28
00:01:09,351 --> 00:01:11,352
Dude, I hate when they do the reenactment.
29
00:01:11,386 --> 00:01:14,388
It reminds everyone I'm related
to cook Martinez, the traitor.
30
00:01:14,439 --> 00:01:17,141
Oh, come on, Jerry. That was 200 years ago.
31
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I'm sure nobody remembers that cook
Martinez got all the troops sick
32
00:01:20,145 --> 00:01:21,395
and almost cost Seaford the battle.
33
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Watch this.
34
00:01:26,201 --> 00:01:27,401
Crowd: Oh!
35
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(Jeering)
36
00:01:32,541 --> 00:01:34,408
Yeah, I'm gonna say they still remember.
37
00:01:37,496 --> 00:01:40,214
Anyone want an egg? Got one left.
38
00:01:43,418 --> 00:01:46,053
For the reenactment
tomorrow, I got Bobby Wasabi
39
00:01:46,088 --> 00:01:48,089
to play the French general Lapew.
40
00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:50,091
Now I just need someone
to play general Douglas.
41
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Oh oh oh oh.
42
00:01:51,426 --> 00:01:53,427
(Whining)
43
00:01:53,429 --> 00:01:55,429
Pick me! Pick me!
44
00:01:55,431 --> 00:01:58,099
You guys know I'm 1/64th Douglas, right?
45
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Both: Yes, you keep telling us.
46
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Come on, Milton.
47
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Look at me.
48
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I would make the perfect general Douglas.
49
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:09,410
A lot of people say I have
very similar qualities to him,
50
00:02:09,444 --> 00:02:14,031
like courage, vision and a
quiet understated grace.
51
00:02:14,082 --> 00:02:16,067
Yeah, he was also known for
his chronic battle with lice.
52
00:02:16,098 --> 00:02:17,118
(Screams)
53
00:02:17,169 --> 00:02:20,287
Can you see any?! Pick 'em out!
Pick 'em out!
54
00:02:20,339 --> 00:02:23,207
Rudy, relax. It's
a 200-year-old wig.
55
00:02:23,258 --> 00:02:25,092
If there were any lice,
I'm sure they're all dead.
56
00:02:30,182 --> 00:02:33,134
Heh, maybe not all of them.
57
00:02:34,386 --> 00:02:37,104
Look, Milton, I really want
to play general Douglas.
58
00:02:37,139 --> 00:02:38,472
I'll give you anything you want.
59
00:02:38,474 --> 00:02:40,358
I want to be sensei.
60
00:02:40,392 --> 00:02:42,109
Milton, relax. Rudy's
not gonna make you sen...
61
00:02:42,144 --> 00:02:43,227
Aah!
62
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Bow to your new sensei.
63
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- No!
- General Douglas says bow!
64
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Okay.
65
00:02:52,154 --> 00:02:55,322
- (Rock music playing)
-
Don't you get all tough with me
66
00:02:55,324 --> 00:03:00,077
I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me?
67
00:03:00,128 --> 00:03:02,329
And we could have a
ball, run up the wall
68
00:03:02,381 --> 00:03:04,165
-
that's just how we do
-
Come on
69
00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:05,466
and no matter how
much I chop and punch
70
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:08,169
it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you
71
00:03:08,171 --> 00:03:11,172
here we go, let's start the party
72
00:03:11,174 --> 00:03:13,057
chop it up like it's karate
73
00:03:13,091 --> 00:03:14,392
everybody
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00:03:14,426 --> 00:03:17,261
won't you come kick it with me?
75
00:03:17,312 --> 00:03:20,064
And we could have a
ball, run up the wall
76
00:03:20,098 --> 00:03:21,348
-
hey
-
That's just how we do
77
00:03:21,350 --> 00:03:22,483
-
come on
-
And no matter how much
78
00:03:22,517 --> 00:03:24,235
I chop and punch
79
00:03:24,269 --> 00:03:27,021
it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you.
80
00:03:33,972 --> 00:03:37,308
My play is an accurate portrayal
of the way the battle was won.
81
00:03:37,359 --> 00:03:41,145
Now, I've gone to great detail to make
sure everything is 100% authentic.
82
00:03:44,399 --> 00:03:47,902
Excuse me, soldier, why is your shirt pink?
83
00:03:47,904 --> 00:03:50,371
Just because I'm a soldier,
doesn't mean I can't have flare.
84
00:03:50,405 --> 00:03:53,157
No soldier ever fought
in a shirt that color.
85
00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:56,043
Well, I think it makes
the soldier's eyes pop.
86
00:03:56,078 --> 00:03:57,244
- (Affirmative mutters)
- Yep, it really does.
87
00:03:57,246 --> 00:03:58,996
Thank you.
88
00:03:59,047 --> 00:04:04,969
Look, Milton, as a movie star, I have
a vision for my character Lapew.
89
00:04:05,003 --> 00:04:08,973
I'm going to storm in, declare
victory in front of the whole town
90
00:04:09,007 --> 00:04:12,259
and then ride off on a white
horse with a beautiful maiden.
91
00:04:12,311 --> 00:04:13,978
That's not what happened.
92
00:04:14,012 --> 00:04:16,163
You surrendered in a blubbering
heap of embarrassment.
93
00:04:16,198 --> 00:04:21,068
Oh, well, I'll cancel the horse,
but I'm keeping the maiden.
94
00:04:23,071 --> 00:04:26,073
All right, Rudy, let's rehearse
general Sherman's entrance.
95
00:04:26,108 --> 00:04:28,342
And... action.
96
00:04:30,912 --> 00:04:32,947
Oh, good people of Seaford.
97
00:04:32,949 --> 00:04:37,868
It is I, your humble, yet bemedaled
leader, Sherman Douglas.
98
00:04:37,919 --> 00:04:40,254
Rudy, where'd you get all those medals?
99
00:04:40,288 --> 00:04:45,292
Oh, this one's for skee ball and
this one's for selling cookies.
100
00:04:45,294 --> 00:04:47,211
Whoa, and this one's from Chad's steakhouse
101
00:04:47,262 --> 00:04:49,880
for eating a 40 ounce
rump roast. All right.
102
00:04:50,966 --> 00:04:54,352
Where's the actual jacket that was
worn by Douglas? It was in the trunk.
103
00:04:54,386 --> 00:04:56,137
I left that old thing at the dojo.
104
00:04:56,139 --> 00:05:00,107
Now, if anyone needs me, I
will be in my dressing room.
105
00:05:05,147 --> 00:05:07,198
(Gags)
106
00:05:07,232 --> 00:05:10,151
You would not believe what Bobby's
doing in my dressing room.
107
00:05:12,154 --> 00:05:13,988
It's my dressing room now.
108
00:05:20,162 --> 00:05:22,329
Crowd: Boo!
109
00:05:22,331 --> 00:05:24,048
(Jeering continues)
110
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(Laughs)
111
00:05:26,001 --> 00:05:30,254
You kids got to get up pretty early
if you want to egg Jerry Martinez.
112
00:05:34,893 --> 00:05:37,011
You got up pretty early, didn't you, kid?
113
00:05:37,062 --> 00:05:38,846
It was worth it.
114
00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:40,014
That's it.
115
00:05:40,016 --> 00:05:41,932
- (Grunts)
- (Screaming)
116
00:05:43,018 --> 00:05:44,852
(Screaming continues)
117
00:05:50,025 --> 00:05:51,025
(Muffled squeak)
118
00:05:51,027 --> 00:05:52,910
(Silent)
119
00:05:55,113 --> 00:05:56,080
(Grunts)
120
00:05:56,114 --> 00:05:57,364
(Sputters)
121
00:05:58,917 --> 00:05:59,917
(Scoffs)
122
00:06:02,204 --> 00:06:06,040
Ugh! Stupid general Sherman's coat.
123
00:06:06,042 --> 00:06:08,042
This is all your fault.
124
00:06:08,093 --> 00:06:09,093
Ugh!
125
00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:12,012
Oh, that's it!
126
00:06:12,047 --> 00:06:13,931
(Grunts)
127
00:06:13,965 --> 00:06:15,182
(Grunting)
128
00:06:16,968 --> 00:06:18,219
Huh?
129
00:06:21,973 --> 00:06:24,225
"Property of cook Martinez"?
130
00:06:24,276 --> 00:06:26,227
(Trumpets)
131
00:06:27,896 --> 00:06:29,313
Wow, that thing was really clogged.
132
00:06:33,368 --> 00:06:35,903
And as the clock struck four bells,
133
00:06:35,954 --> 00:06:43,160
general Lapew surrendered to general
Douglas, who sealed it with his glove.
134
00:06:43,211 --> 00:06:44,245
(Patriotic Singing)
135
00:06:44,296 --> 00:06:47,965
And general Lapew sealed it right back!
136
00:06:50,218 --> 00:06:56,173
Not feeling that the surrender was sealed
entirely, Sherman sealed it again!
137
00:06:56,224 --> 00:06:57,892
(Grunts)
138
00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:03,848
Feeling a glove was no longer
sufficient to seal it, general Lapew
139
00:07:03,899 --> 00:07:05,182
grabbed a nearby musket!
140
00:07:05,233 --> 00:07:07,268
I think we're all sealed up, thank you.
141
00:07:10,155 --> 00:07:12,106
And it was that treaty which ensured
142
00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:14,992
that general Douglas
would go down in history.
143
00:07:15,026 --> 00:07:17,111
(Applause)
144
00:07:19,114 --> 00:07:21,999
And that is why today we honor...
145
00:07:22,033 --> 00:07:24,118
the biggest liar is Seaford's history!
146
00:07:24,169 --> 00:07:25,953
(Crowd gasps, murmurs)
147
00:07:25,955 --> 00:07:27,171
Bobby, pass me the musket.
148
00:07:27,205 --> 00:07:29,123
Jerry, what are you talking about?
149
00:07:29,174 --> 00:07:31,091
This.
150
00:07:31,126 --> 00:07:35,045
This diary holds cook Martinez's secret.
151
00:07:35,096 --> 00:07:38,098
(Snickers) The secret should be
that the dude wrote in a diary.
152
00:07:38,133 --> 00:07:39,850
(Laughs) Am I right?
153
00:07:43,305 --> 00:07:45,973
Here's what really happened
at the battle of Seaford.
154
00:07:46,024 --> 00:07:48,943
"The year is 1814."
155
00:07:48,977 --> 00:07:51,145
(Flute plays patriotic tune)
156
00:07:51,147 --> 00:07:52,980
Jerry: We've been at war for 13 months
157
00:07:53,031 --> 00:07:54,198
and our supplies are running out.
158
00:07:54,232 --> 00:07:55,503
In order to keep the soldiers fed,
159
00:07:55,537 --> 00:07:57,621
I had to get creative in the kitchen
160
00:07:59,673 --> 00:08:00,923
Cook Martinez.
161
00:08:02,625 --> 00:08:03,842
The men are complaining about the stew.
162
00:08:03,877 --> 00:08:05,678
They say it tastes like an old boot.
163
00:08:05,712 --> 00:08:06,712
Why would they say that?
164
00:08:06,763 --> 00:08:08,547
'Cause I made it out of an old boot.
165
00:08:10,467 --> 00:08:12,634
Well, the pea soup isn't bad.
166
00:08:12,686 --> 00:08:14,687
Oh, great, I'll go make some more.
167
00:08:14,721 --> 00:08:16,855
Uh, I wouldn't eat that.
168
00:08:16,890 --> 00:08:18,891
- Why not?
- We never had any peas.
169
00:08:22,645 --> 00:08:23,812
This just isn't right.
170
00:08:23,863 --> 00:08:27,566
What little supplies we have left,
the general is keeping for himself.
171
00:08:27,617 --> 00:08:31,537
It's because he's a mean, selfish
leader who doesn't care about his men.
172
00:08:32,655 --> 00:08:33,822
What did you say, soldier?!
173
00:08:33,873 --> 00:08:36,825
Uh, I said we should bring clean shellfish
174
00:08:36,827 --> 00:08:39,661
to the leader who does
his hair for his men.
175
00:08:39,663 --> 00:08:40,829
You got that right.
176
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,832
I'm a four-star general
rocking a five-star coif.
177
00:08:47,554 --> 00:08:49,888
Sir, the men haven't eaten in three days.
178
00:08:49,923 --> 00:08:51,807
And we're about to go
into battle against Lapew.
179
00:08:51,841 --> 00:08:53,559
You think I don't know that?
180
00:08:53,593 --> 00:08:54,977
That's why I bought this meat.
181
00:08:55,011 --> 00:08:57,813
(Flies buzzing)
182
00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:04,557
Sir, the men aren't gonna eat this.
183
00:09:05,693 --> 00:09:07,727
No, check that. Some
of them seem to be sick.
184
00:09:08,946 --> 00:09:13,817
In fact, they're dropping like...
well, you know... Flies.
185
00:09:16,871 --> 00:09:18,872
You know, I'm not sure
this meat is even dead.
186
00:09:25,663 --> 00:09:27,497
- (Growls)
- (Screams)
187
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:39,509
I can't believe we have to
serve this slop to our men.
188
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:40,727
Our goat wouldn't eat this.
189
00:09:40,761 --> 00:09:44,564
I know, I tried giving it to her
and she pulled a rifle on me.
190
00:09:44,598 --> 00:09:46,766
Uh, why aren't we eating the goat?
191
00:09:46,768 --> 00:09:48,518
I just told you.
192
00:09:48,569 --> 00:09:50,570
She pulled a rifle on me.
193
00:09:51,772 --> 00:09:53,823
(Coughing, hacking)
194
00:09:53,858 --> 00:09:55,859
(Groaning)
195
00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:57,660
(Coughing continues)
196
00:09:57,695 --> 00:09:59,529
Hey, the men don't look good.
197
00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:02,866
Oh, come on, they may not
be the most handsome bunch,
198
00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:06,586
but if I were a lonely frontier
woman, I could find a husband here.
199
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,956
For instance, look at Davis over there.
200
00:10:10,007 --> 00:10:11,925
In the right light, his cheekbones...
201
00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:13,927
no no no no no. The soldiers look sick.
202
00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:14,961
They're turning blue.
203
00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:19,799
Men, Lapew's army is advancing.
204
00:10:21,635 --> 00:10:24,687
But rest assured as you're
out there facing certain death,
205
00:10:24,722 --> 00:10:28,641
I will be right beside my toasty fire...
206
00:10:29,944 --> 00:10:31,978
Where I will be writing
a letter of condolence
207
00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:34,948
to officer Nate's hot wife Annabelle.
208
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,616
Nate's not dead.
209
00:10:36,650 --> 00:10:37,867
You just sent him on a scouting mission.
210
00:10:40,955 --> 00:10:42,956
Good news from the front.
211
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:44,657
The enemy has surrendered, sir?!
212
00:10:44,659 --> 00:10:46,626
No, Nate's been captured.
213
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,795
General, these men are sick.
214
00:10:48,829 --> 00:10:50,964
You don't have an army and the
enemy are about to attack.
215
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:51,998
You need a plan.
216
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,716
You don't think I have a plan?
217
00:10:53,751 --> 00:10:55,885
(Scoffs) Oh, I have a plan.
218
00:10:58,005 --> 00:11:00,673
Have the pony express come pick me up.
219
00:11:01,842 --> 00:11:03,927
(Plays tune)
220
00:11:05,930 --> 00:11:07,730
- (Fiddle plays)
- Rudy: Whoa whoa whoa.
221
00:11:07,765 --> 00:11:10,517
Who are you? How did you get in my trunk?
222
00:11:10,568 --> 00:11:11,684
And do you know "camptown races"?
223
00:11:11,735 --> 00:11:14,687
(Fiddle plays "camptown races")
224
00:11:16,941 --> 00:11:20,777
Guys, we're the only ones
who didn't eat the meat.
225
00:11:20,828 --> 00:11:23,663
It's up to us to save Seaford.
226
00:11:23,697 --> 00:11:24,948
We're just cooks.
227
00:11:24,999 --> 00:11:26,950
We don't know anything about being soldiers
228
00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:29,619
or winning battles, or firing rifles.
229
00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:30,954
- (Goat bleats)
- (Gunshot)
230
00:11:31,005 --> 00:11:33,006
(Bullet clinking)
231
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,708
If that goat can figure it out, so can we.
232
00:11:53,270 --> 00:11:55,154
Yo, where'd you get the mustache?
233
00:11:55,189 --> 00:11:57,156
Oh, man, I don't know.
234
00:11:57,191 --> 00:11:59,325
Once I started ripping
things off, I couldn't stop.
235
00:12:00,494 --> 00:12:03,413
Okay, we got into the enemy camp,
but are you sure your plan
236
00:12:03,447 --> 00:12:05,031
to defeat them is gonna work?
237
00:12:05,082 --> 00:12:06,416
I know the plan's gonna work, okay?
238
00:12:06,450 --> 00:12:08,117
If this meat wiped out our army.
239
00:12:08,168 --> 00:12:09,202
It'll wipe out theirs.
240
00:12:09,204 --> 00:12:12,038
Oh, here comes general Lapew.
241
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:13,122
Quick, act French.
242
00:12:13,173 --> 00:12:16,092
- Oh, ho, ho!
- Oui, oui!
243
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:18,044
- Oh ho, bonjour.
- Viva la France!
244
00:12:18,095 --> 00:12:19,295
- Oh, oui, oui.
- Fromage.
245
00:12:19,330 --> 00:12:21,047
(Clears throat)
246
00:12:22,383 --> 00:12:25,301
(In French accent) Tonight,
I will claim Seaford for France.
247
00:12:25,352 --> 00:12:26,352
(Cheering)
248
00:12:28,188 --> 00:12:31,391
We will show the world that
my army cannot be stopped!
249
00:12:31,393 --> 00:12:33,393
(Men cheer)
250
00:12:33,395 --> 00:12:37,230
And once they are defeated, I will
sunbathe on their golden beaches
251
00:12:37,281 --> 00:12:40,483
in my teeny, weenie victory bikini!
252
00:12:40,534 --> 00:12:42,402
(Men gagging, hacking)
253
00:12:42,404 --> 00:12:44,454
- What?
- (Hacking continues)
254
00:12:44,488 --> 00:12:48,074
So maybe I'm a little pasty,
but, I mean, come on, guys!
255
00:12:48,076 --> 00:12:51,327
They're not puking 'cause they're
thinking of you sunbathing.
256
00:12:51,378 --> 00:12:54,464
(Hacks, groans) I was.
257
00:12:56,133 --> 00:12:58,251
I tricked your men into eating bad meat.
258
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:01,137
Ah!
259
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:03,423
(Gasps) You are Americans!
260
00:13:03,474 --> 00:13:06,259
But when you were, "Bonjour, oui, oui,
261
00:13:06,310 --> 00:13:10,063
Viva la France," I totally believed you.
262
00:13:10,097 --> 00:13:11,981
You got no army left, Lapew.
263
00:13:12,016 --> 00:13:13,983
Surrender.
264
00:13:14,018 --> 00:13:15,101
Ho, ho, ho.
265
00:13:15,152 --> 00:13:17,987
You are forgetting about
my elite group of soldiers
266
00:13:18,022 --> 00:13:19,439
who did not eat your meat.
267
00:13:19,490 --> 00:13:24,160
Prepare to battle the vegetarians.
268
00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:25,445
What?
269
00:13:27,164 --> 00:13:28,197
(Clears throat)
270
00:13:28,248 --> 00:13:31,367
The vege-tariens!
271
00:13:31,418 --> 00:13:33,286
I'm sorry, one more time.
272
00:13:33,288 --> 00:13:35,121
They don't eat meat.
273
00:13:35,123 --> 00:13:36,372
Oh, you mean vegetarians.
274
00:13:36,423 --> 00:13:37,373
- You could have just said that.
- Ah!
275
00:13:37,424 --> 00:13:38,458
I so said that.
276
00:13:41,378 --> 00:13:42,462
(Chuckles) Oh.
277
00:13:42,513 --> 00:13:47,100
Your cookware is no match for our...
278
00:13:47,134 --> 00:13:49,135
Powerful muskets.
279
00:13:49,186 --> 00:13:52,472
(Chuckles) But first, we have to
load them, so quick time-out!
280
00:13:52,523 --> 00:13:54,307
(Lapew humming a tune)
281
00:13:54,358 --> 00:13:57,193
La-da-Dee,
la-da-daa.
282
00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:59,445
So, how 'bout this weather we're having huh?
283
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:03,032
It really is nice. The
days are just delightful.
284
00:14:03,067 --> 00:14:04,317
And at night, you only need a light jacket.
285
00:14:04,319 --> 00:14:06,152
Oh, yeah, so nice.
286
00:14:06,203 --> 00:14:08,037
- Milton: Yeah.
- What are we gonna do?
287
00:14:08,072 --> 00:14:09,322
They just called time-out.
288
00:14:09,324 --> 00:14:10,323
I got this.
289
00:14:11,325 --> 00:14:12,408
Time in!
290
00:14:12,459 --> 00:14:13,409
(Gasps)
291
00:14:15,129 --> 00:14:17,213
I did not see that coming.
292
00:14:19,166 --> 00:14:20,333
Aah!
293
00:14:27,057 --> 00:14:28,341
- Aah!
- (Grunts)
294
00:14:31,178 --> 00:14:32,395
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
295
00:14:32,429 --> 00:14:35,014
(Both grunt)
296
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,031
Aah!
297
00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:55,118
Oh! Oh!
298
00:15:22,396 --> 00:15:24,397
That's it, Lapew. It's over.
299
00:15:24,448 --> 00:15:26,115
It's time to surrender.
300
00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:28,234
I will never surrender.
301
00:15:28,285 --> 00:15:29,986
My men and I will fight...
302
00:15:30,037 --> 00:15:31,204
(men groan)
303
00:15:31,238 --> 00:15:33,322
Okay, I surrender.
304
00:15:35,375 --> 00:15:37,243
You did it. Your plan worked.
305
00:15:37,294 --> 00:15:38,327
- We won.
- That's it.
306
00:15:38,378 --> 00:15:40,329
- Wh... oh.
- It's over.
307
00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:42,081
Something's coming over me.
308
00:15:42,132 --> 00:15:45,168
This victory's gotten me so excited,
309
00:15:45,219 --> 00:15:47,386
I think... I think I
want to make a noise.
310
00:15:49,256 --> 00:15:51,057
Whoo!
311
00:15:51,091 --> 00:15:53,059
What was that?
312
00:15:53,093 --> 00:15:55,144
I'll tell you what that was.
313
00:15:55,179 --> 00:15:58,014
That was the sound of victory.
314
00:15:58,065 --> 00:16:00,066
It was the sound of liberty.
315
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:03,319
That was the "Whoo" heard 'round the world.
316
00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:05,104
Jerry: Whoo!
317
00:16:05,155 --> 00:16:07,023
(Echoing)
318
00:16:07,074 --> 00:16:09,408
Australian man: Crikey,
who's "whooing" at this hour?
319
00:16:09,443 --> 00:16:12,361
(Echoing continues)
320
00:16:12,412 --> 00:16:16,115
Italian man: Mamma Mia,
that's a big "Whoo."
321
00:16:16,117 --> 00:16:18,284
(Echoing continues)
322
00:16:18,335 --> 00:16:21,420
Space alien: I think I just
heard a "Whoo" come from earth.
323
00:16:21,455 --> 00:16:23,289
Let's not destroy it.
324
00:16:30,214 --> 00:16:32,181
Rudy: Lapew? If that's you,
325
00:16:32,216 --> 00:16:34,383
I just want you to know I'm really French.
326
00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:37,353
(In French accent) I swear.
327
00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:41,107
I am just sitting here wearing my beret,
328
00:16:41,141 --> 00:16:43,359
sharing a crepe with my French poodle.
329
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,478
Arf arf! Down, fifi!
330
00:16:47,314 --> 00:16:49,115
General, we did it.
331
00:16:49,149 --> 00:16:50,149
We defeated the enemy.
332
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,151
What?!
333
00:16:52,202 --> 00:16:54,153
- Yeah.
- We got a letter of surrender.
334
00:16:55,372 --> 00:16:57,123
We got their troops sick with the bad meat.
335
00:16:57,157 --> 00:16:58,457
I wrote everything down in my secret diary.
336
00:16:58,492 --> 00:17:02,328
(Scoffs) Uh, the secret should be
that you're a dude with a diary.
337
00:17:02,330 --> 00:17:04,163
(Laughing) Am I right?
338
00:17:07,167 --> 00:17:11,220
So no one has seen this
diary or this letter?
339
00:17:11,255 --> 00:17:13,172
- Negative.
- Good.
340
00:17:13,174 --> 00:17:15,341
This surrender will mean a medal of valor,
341
00:17:15,343 --> 00:17:18,094
a badge of honor and a red sash.
342
00:17:18,145 --> 00:17:19,345
And do you know what follows that?
343
00:17:19,347 --> 00:17:21,063
Sash bash! Oh!
344
00:17:21,098 --> 00:17:25,017
I love putting on a sash and
dancing the night away.
345
00:17:25,068 --> 00:17:27,320
But not for you. For me.
346
00:17:27,354 --> 00:17:29,405
Arrest these traitors!
347
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:31,407
- Wait, what?
- What are you talking about?
348
00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:34,193
- But we're heroes.
- No one will ever know that but me.
349
00:17:34,195 --> 00:17:35,444
Because without this,
350
00:17:35,495 --> 00:17:39,115
everyone will believe that I
single-handedly won the war.
351
00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:41,033
- Take them away.
- Are you kidding me?
352
00:17:41,035 --> 00:17:42,034
- Why would you?!
- What?!
353
00:17:45,038 --> 00:17:46,372
Nate?
354
00:17:48,292 --> 00:17:50,376
Thank goodness you've escaped.
355
00:17:50,427 --> 00:17:54,380
I'm sure your hot wife Annabelle
can't wait to see you.
356
00:17:56,183 --> 00:17:58,301
Guards, we have another traitor!
357
00:18:03,223 --> 00:18:06,225
Wow, so history got it wrong.
358
00:18:06,227 --> 00:18:09,195
General Lapew was the real hero.
359
00:18:11,114 --> 00:18:13,366
That's not what I said at all.
360
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,202
Oh. Well, to be honest, I
missed most of your story.
361
00:18:16,236 --> 00:18:20,122
So cook Martinez and his
men were the real heroes?
362
00:18:20,157 --> 00:18:21,290
That's right.
363
00:18:21,325 --> 00:18:24,994
And general Douglas had them jailed
so he could steal their glory.
364
00:18:25,045 --> 00:18:27,213
Crowd: Boo!
365
00:18:27,247 --> 00:18:29,048
(Outraged murmurs)
366
00:18:29,082 --> 00:18:32,251
What? I'm like 1/64th
related to the dude.
367
00:18:32,253 --> 00:18:36,088
I mean, Milton's probably more
related to Douglas than I am.
368
00:18:36,090 --> 00:18:37,089
Let's get him!
369
00:18:37,140 --> 00:18:38,424
Jack and Milton: Rudy!
370
00:18:38,426 --> 00:18:43,062
As President of the historical society,
I would like the record to show
371
00:18:43,096 --> 00:18:46,148
that we recognize general
Douglas for what he was:
372
00:18:46,183 --> 00:18:48,267
- A traitor...
- (Whimpers)
373
00:18:48,318 --> 00:18:50,353
- ...a coward...
- (Whimpers)
374
00:18:50,404 --> 00:18:52,438
- ...and a liar.
- Uh, no no no.
375
00:18:52,489 --> 00:18:57,159
I may be related to a traitor and a
coward, but I earned that medal.
376
00:18:57,194 --> 00:18:59,328
You know how? By eating a 40-ounce rump.
377
00:19:00,364 --> 00:19:03,282
So, Milton, what are we gonna
do to honor cook Martinez?
378
00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:05,951
I think I have an idea.
379
00:19:06,003 --> 00:19:09,372
From this day forward, let the
good people of Seaford know
380
00:19:09,423 --> 00:19:12,341
that cook Martinez was
the real hero of our town.
381
00:19:15,962 --> 00:19:18,130
(Cheers, applause)
382
00:19:18,181 --> 00:19:20,216
It's beautiful, Milton.
383
00:19:20,267 --> 00:19:23,019
Your family deserves this.
384
00:19:23,053 --> 00:19:24,186
It's long overdo.
385
00:19:24,221 --> 00:19:27,139
And on behalf of the entire town,
thanks for making this chili.
386
00:19:28,975 --> 00:19:30,309
Oh, yeah, it was fun.
387
00:19:30,311 --> 00:19:33,112
I just followed one of the recipes
that I found in my ancestor's diary.
388
00:19:33,146 --> 00:19:34,146
Oh.
389
00:19:34,148 --> 00:19:36,198
This chili is great. What's your secret?
390
00:19:36,233 --> 00:19:38,284
Oh, I mixed in that
leftover bag of beef jerky
391
00:19:38,318 --> 00:19:40,286
- I found at the dojo.
- What?
392
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:44,040
I found that bag of gnarly meat
at the bottom of that trunk.
393
00:19:45,242 --> 00:19:49,328
Dude, you just fed the entire
town 200-year-old rancid meat.
394
00:19:49,330 --> 00:19:51,414
- What?!
- Uh...
395
00:19:51,465 --> 00:19:53,082
Everybody, calm down.
396
00:19:53,133 --> 00:19:54,333
If there was anything wrong with that meat,
397
00:19:54,335 --> 00:19:56,252
- we'd all be very si...
- (Stomachs gurgle)
398
00:19:56,303 --> 00:19:58,137
(Groaning)
399
00:19:58,171 --> 00:20:00,005
I got the first
port-a-potty!
400
00:20:00,007 --> 00:20:01,390
I got the second
port-a-potty!
401
00:20:05,178 --> 00:20:08,013
Lucky for me, I only had one bite.
402
00:20:08,015 --> 00:20:10,399
I think I'll be okay as long as I stand
403
00:20:10,434 --> 00:20:13,152
- very very still.
- (Stomach gurgles)
404
00:20:13,186 --> 00:20:15,404
Oh! Sweet mother Moses!
405
00:20:15,439 --> 00:20:18,357
Help me! I'm running for the river!
406
00:20:23,246 --> 00:20:24,497
(Water splashes)
407
00:20:32,038 --> 00:20:34,039
Kickin' it with you!
408
00:20:38,511 --> 00:20:43,265
Annabelle, sweet Annabelle,
it burdens me to tell you
409
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:45,384
that your beloved husband Nate is gone.
410
00:20:45,435 --> 00:20:47,436
- (Slight gasp)
- The last we saw,
411
00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:50,272
he was taken by a large grizzly bear.
412
00:20:50,307 --> 00:20:53,359
And as the general, it
falls upon me to comfort you.
413
00:20:55,228 --> 00:20:57,313
This is the part of the job that I hate.
414
00:21:01,201 --> 00:21:02,318
Nate?!
415
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,203
Uh... ha.
416
00:21:05,288 --> 00:21:08,374
Thank goodness you survived the
"being wrapped in rabbit meat
417
00:21:08,408 --> 00:21:11,210
and thrown in a bear cave" mission.
418
00:21:12,462 --> 00:21:15,164
You have earned the medal of valor.
419
00:21:15,215 --> 00:21:16,465
It's waiting for you in my tent.
420
00:21:21,421 --> 00:21:23,172
(Goat bleats)
421
00:21:23,174 --> 00:21:24,506
- (Gunshot)
- (Bullet ricochets)
422
00:21:24,557 --> 00:21:26,342
(Nate groans)
423
00:21:27,427 --> 00:21:30,346
Now, where were we, Annabelle?
424
00:21:38,388 --> 00:21:40,222
(Theme music playing)
425
00:21:40,272 --> 00:21:44,822
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