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1
00:00:03,634 --> 00:00:06,334
Dennis, state your
location. Over.
2
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,734
(STATIC BUZZING)
3
00:00:07,801 --> 00:00:10,400
DENNIS: I'm on
Sixth Avenue.
4
00:00:10,467 --> 00:00:14,334
I told you,
all transmissions must end with the word "over."
5
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:15,501
Over.
6
00:00:16,801 --> 00:00:18,300
Whatever. Over.
7
00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:22,467
Now let's test
this baby's range.
8
00:00:22,534 --> 00:00:25,868
Go hop on the
uptown bus. Over.
9
00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:27,601
I'm getting
on the bus now.
10
00:00:29,801 --> 00:00:32,267
(IMITATES BRAKES SCREECHING)
11
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,367
(IMITATES DOORS OPENING)
12
00:00:35,434 --> 00:00:37,400
(IMITATES ENGINE REVVING)
13
00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:38,834
(IMITATES GEARS CHANGING)
14
00:00:43,467 --> 00:00:44,868
Joke's over.
15
00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:01,667
Hey, Jack, you might
want to look at these.
16
00:01:01,734 --> 00:01:04,667
Who can tell me
what's wrong with this statue?
17
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,734
It has no genitals.
18
00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:10,567
It's lonely.
19
00:01:10,634 --> 00:01:12,567
Of course.
It has no genitals.
20
00:01:13,868 --> 00:01:16,033
You know, it's been 10 years
21
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:20,334
since anyone here won
a Fashion Magazine Excellence Award,
22
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,367
while Cosmo rakes
in the trophies.
23
00:01:23,434 --> 00:01:26,167
Do you realize,
when we won this Femmy,
24
00:01:26,234 --> 00:01:30,000
I was still married
to the woman I left Maya's mother for?
25
00:01:30,067 --> 00:01:33,734
I swear to God,
she gained 20 pounds on our wedding night.
26
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,300
Dad, pick a rant
and stick with it.
27
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,334
You're...
You're right.
28
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,467
I'm just nervous,
that's all.
29
00:01:43,534 --> 00:01:45,734
The nominations are
due at any time, and...
30
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,167
Actually...
Dennis,
31
00:01:47,234 --> 00:01:49,567
make a call
and find out where they are.
32
00:01:49,634 --> 00:01:51,634
Great. Where are
those nominations?
33
00:01:51,701 --> 00:01:54,100
What's that?
In my left hand? Thank you.
34
00:01:58,501 --> 00:02:01,434
Okay. Here we go.
35
00:02:01,501 --> 00:02:04,634
Uh, the nominations are...
36
00:02:04,701 --> 00:02:07,367
Best Feature Article,
Maya Gallo! Congratulations.
37
00:02:07,434 --> 00:02:09,667
Hey, Maya, that's great!
Oh, wow! I don't believe it!
38
00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:12,000
I mean, I worked
really hard on that piece
39
00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:14,067
and I believed
that it was good,
40
00:02:14,133 --> 00:02:16,400
but to have that belief
supported by my peers,
41
00:02:16,467 --> 00:02:18,501
(IMITATING MUSICAL SCORE)
it's just a fantastic...
42
00:02:18,567 --> 00:02:22,200
We'll be right back
with a salute to Andrew Lloyd Webber!
43
00:02:24,267 --> 00:02:25,934
What else?
What... What else?
44
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,000
Don't you think if you'd
been nominated, I would've already told you?
45
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,767
Yeah.
Well, that's where you're wrong.
46
00:02:31,834 --> 00:02:33,801
Congratulations, buddy.
I'm nominated!
47
00:02:33,868 --> 00:02:35,701
(EXCLAIMS)
MAYA: Yes!
48
00:02:35,767 --> 00:02:39,601
Oh, you see? You see, it's
about time they recognized the work of a true artist.
49
00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:43,434
Dude, all you do is this.
Click. Click. Click.
50
00:02:43,501 --> 00:02:45,968
You know what, Finch,
I'm a little tired of that attitude from you.
51
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:49,767
Photography is very complex.
There's lighting, there's composition...
52
00:02:49,834 --> 00:02:53,501
You'd better
rest that finger. Tomorrow's a workday.
53
00:02:53,567 --> 00:02:56,567
Well, I did it.
Twelve years in a row.
54
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:57,734
What, turn 40?
55
00:03:02,868 --> 00:03:04,400
I was nominated for a Femmy.
56
00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:05,501
Ooh!
57
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:07,434
Yep, says so right here.
58
00:03:07,501 --> 00:03:10,901
Now, I know what you're
all thinking, that I've lost 11 years in a row,
59
00:03:10,968 --> 00:03:13,567
and that my hair looks
particularly good today.
60
00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:17,300
But the fact is,
I have a really good feeling about this year.
61
00:03:17,367 --> 00:03:20,400
And it's the
conditioner.
62
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:24,200
I'd just hate to see
you get your hopes up and then be disappointed again.
63
00:03:24,267 --> 00:03:27,467
Well, don't you worry.
Esteban says this is my year.
64
00:03:27,534 --> 00:03:30,501
He's this gorgeous
furniture maker who's also a mystic.
65
00:03:30,567 --> 00:03:32,367
He read the bumps
on my head.
66
00:03:33,634 --> 00:03:35,067
You have bumps
on your head?
67
00:03:35,133 --> 00:03:38,267
Well, not normally.
But Esteban made this beautiful new headboard,
68
00:03:38,334 --> 00:03:39,901
and long story short,
69
00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:43,200
now I do.
70
00:03:43,267 --> 00:03:46,934
You know, gang,
I just wanna say that with all your nominations,
71
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,734
it's gonna be an honor to
be sitting at the same table with all of you.
72
00:03:50,801 --> 00:03:53,901
Dennis, you know
we get a limited number of tickets.
73
00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:56,300
I hear you and
I'm very grateful. Go, Blush!
74
00:03:57,934 --> 00:04:00,567
Dennis, a very limited
number of tickets.
75
00:04:00,634 --> 00:04:03,300
Did you guys hear that?
No dates.
76
00:04:03,367 --> 00:04:05,701
Dennis, you're making
this very difficult.
77
00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:06,801
Wait till I start crying.
78
00:04:06,868 --> 00:04:09,267
Dennis...
Jack, you gotta let me go.
79
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:11,734
Four cover girls
vying for one Femmy.
80
00:04:11,801 --> 00:04:13,200
Three are gonna lose.
81
00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:16,667
That's where I come in.
D. Finch, consolation prize.
82
00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:19,667
I may not be gold,
but I've got the genitals.
83
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,801
Dennis, I'm sorry.
84
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:32,667
We'll both be
in tuxes. We can do our ventriloquist act.
85
00:04:32,734 --> 00:04:36,767
And you'll draw
those little lines down from your mouth?
86
00:04:36,834 --> 00:04:38,701
Whatever it takes. Yeah.
87
00:04:40,734 --> 00:04:45,067
Damn. I don't know what
to do, Dennis. We just don't have the seats.
88
00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:47,367
Dude, I'll be sitting
on your lap!
89
00:04:58,667 --> 00:05:00,033
Hey, Jack.
90
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,200
You wanted to see us?
91
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:03,267
You bet I did.
92
00:05:03,334 --> 00:05:07,100
I've been sitting here
thinking how proud I am of all my nominees.
93
00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:08,901
Oh, that is so sweet.
94
00:05:08,968 --> 00:05:12,434
And I know this year we're
finally gonna clobber those jerks at Cosmo.
95
00:05:12,501 --> 00:05:15,000
So, I do believe
a toast is in order.
96
00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:16,934
Allow me.
97
00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:19,000
I hope you all get
Legionnaires' disease.
98
00:05:24,901 --> 00:05:27,067
Not his best toast.
99
00:05:27,133 --> 00:05:30,667
Oh, well, he'll calm down.
Anyway...
100
00:05:30,734 --> 00:05:35,667
First, to Maya and her
brilliant article, "Cleavage Fever."
101
00:05:35,734 --> 00:05:38,634
I always knew that...
Whoa, whoa.
102
00:05:38,701 --> 00:05:39,801
That's not the article
I submitted.
103
00:05:39,868 --> 00:05:41,334
Sure it is.
104
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,400
No. I gave you the one
about testing cosmetics on animals. Remember?
105
00:05:44,467 --> 00:05:45,934
I slaved over it
for months.
106
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,534
And it was fabulous,
but a little on the dry side, so I switched it.
107
00:05:52,834 --> 00:05:54,434
You what?
108
00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:58,601
Honey, the truth is,
who cares about animals wearing eye shadow?
109
00:06:00,601 --> 00:06:01,767
Mountain folk.
110
00:06:04,868 --> 00:06:07,968
I can't believe you did that.
"Cleavage Fever" was a joke.
111
00:06:08,033 --> 00:06:10,300
I wrote it while I was
waiting for the subway.
112
00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:11,834
You're so gifted.
113
00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:13,501
Dad!
114
00:06:13,567 --> 00:06:16,701
Maya, I know what
those judges are looking for,
115
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,367
and obviously, I was right.
116
00:06:19,434 --> 00:06:20,701
Well, congratulations.
117
00:06:20,767 --> 00:06:23,667
Oh, come on.
Where's your team spirit?
118
00:06:23,734 --> 00:06:26,667
You don't hear Elliott
complaining that I switched his photo.
119
00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:27,834
You switched my photo?
120
00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:30,501
Yeah. I sent in the one
you took at the circus.
121
00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:33,234
You know, with the
swirly lights and the models laughing
122
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,934
and there's a trapeze
in the background.
123
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,534
Oh, no.
124
00:06:36,601 --> 00:06:39,133
What's wrong?
You got nominated, didn't you?
125
00:06:39,934 --> 00:06:41,767
You had no right to do that!
126
00:06:42,901 --> 00:06:44,567
What the hell is it
with everyone?
127
00:06:44,634 --> 00:06:46,868
Oh, forget them, Jack.
I'm with you.
128
00:06:46,934 --> 00:06:48,834
Oh, please.
You're not gonna win.
129
00:06:48,901 --> 00:06:50,501
Oh, Jack.
130
00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:05,601
Yes?
131
00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:10,000
Jack, I just wanted to say
sorry for dropping that glass of champagne earlier.
132
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:13,501
"Dropping"?
133
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:18,133
Jack, I realize that over
the last eight years,
134
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,534
I have not given my all
here at Blush,
135
00:07:21,601 --> 00:07:23,467
but from now on,
things are gonna be different.
136
00:07:23,534 --> 00:07:26,133
Gum on your shoe?
Call Dennis Finch.
137
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,501
Sandwich taste funny?
I'll take a bite.
138
00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:35,234
And above all, I promise
to give you the respect that you so richly deserve.
139
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:38,901
Allie canceled,
and I put the ticket in your drawer.
140
00:07:38,968 --> 00:07:41,901
Oh, by the way,
could you get me a cup of coffee?
141
00:07:41,968 --> 00:07:43,734
What, are your
legs broken?
142
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,267
I can't believe those
morons on the committee
143
00:07:50,334 --> 00:07:53,834
actually consider
my stupid article a symbol of excellence.
144
00:07:53,901 --> 00:07:55,868
What to wear?
What to wear?
145
00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:01,267
You know what
would be great?
146
00:08:01,334 --> 00:08:05,000
If I won and I got to
go up there and really lace into them.
147
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:08,434
Mmm. Maybe something
low-cut, with just a hint of nipple.
148
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:12,634
I'll really have to
pound the message home.
149
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:13,834
Give them something
to talk about.
150
00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:15,834
I'll need the
perfect speech.
151
00:08:15,901 --> 00:08:19,968
Something good, something
poignant, something not terribly embarrassing.
152
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:23,868
I could issue a challenge,
a call to arms. "We can be better!"
153
00:08:23,934 --> 00:08:27,300
(SCOFFS) Like last year, when
Margo Langhorne called her husband her lover.
154
00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:28,934
What was that about?
155
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,701
If anything,
he's my lover.
156
00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:37,701
(KNOCKING)
157
00:08:39,334 --> 00:08:43,400
Hey, Jack. I need to
talk to you about that, uh, circus picture.
158
00:08:43,467 --> 00:08:46,868
I know what you're
gonna say. I shouldn't have switched the photos.
159
00:08:46,934 --> 00:08:48,801
I'm sorry.
It'll never happen again.
160
00:08:48,868 --> 00:08:50,901
No, that's not it. Um...
161
00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:54,200
You see, that picture
you submitted, uh...
162
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,100
Elliott, get to it.
163
00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:58,968
Well, I'm doing
the circus shoot, right?
164
00:08:59,033 --> 00:09:03,634
And I wanted some beautiful
women in flowy gowns against the backdrop of the circus.
165
00:09:03,701 --> 00:09:06,133
Sword swallowers,
trapeze guys, all that stuff.
166
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,701
So, I set the shot up,
but it's just not working.
167
00:09:08,767 --> 00:09:11,434
And everybody's waiting,
and I can't figure out why it's not working.
168
00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:14,701
So, I think to myself,
you know, "I'll just adjust the lights."
169
00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:16,934
Out of the corner of
my eye, I see a flash,
170
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,868
and I look, and my
camera's gone, and...
171
00:09:22,934 --> 00:09:24,934
I didn't take the picture.
172
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,067
Who did?
173
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,267
(MUMBLES)
174
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,000
What was that?
175
00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:33,067
A monkey.
176
00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:43,133
A monkey took the picture?
177
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,367
Yeah. He must've skated by
and grabbed the camera.
178
00:09:47,968 --> 00:09:50,067
A monkey on roller skates?
179
00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:53,067
Jack, I'm so humiliated.
180
00:09:53,133 --> 00:09:57,300
Do you know how many times
Finch told me that a monkey could do my job?
181
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,467
I can't accept this
nomination. I have to disqualify myself.
182
00:10:02,534 --> 00:10:04,334
No, you don't!
183
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,601
It's our chance
to stick it to Cosmo.
184
00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:07,934
But...
No!
185
00:10:09,934 --> 00:10:13,501
No one can ever
know about this.
186
00:10:13,567 --> 00:10:14,901
You haven't told
anybody, have you?
187
00:10:14,968 --> 00:10:16,067
No!
188
00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:19,501
Jack, here's those
papers you wanted.
189
00:10:19,567 --> 00:10:22,000
And, Elliott, I just
want to say I'm sorry for that crack I made
190
00:10:22,067 --> 00:10:23,467
about your talent
as a photographer.
191
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:25,200
Hey, you weren't listening
in on us, were you?
192
00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:27,033
What are you
talking about?
193
00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:29,434
Nothing. Never mind.
194
00:10:29,501 --> 00:10:33,367
And by the way,
there's a giraffe out here that says he took your SATs.
195
00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:54,667
This is it, Maya.
The main event.
196
00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:58,067
Admit it, now that you're
here, aren't you happy I switched the article?
197
00:10:58,133 --> 00:11:00,167
Yeah, just because it
might give me a chance
198
00:11:00,234 --> 00:11:03,267
to tell these
shallow idiots how vapid they are.
199
00:11:03,334 --> 00:11:06,300
Would you look at all
the beautiful people?
200
00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:10,467
Well, there's our table.
201
00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:15,000
Hey, not bad.
202
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:18,167
We're closer to the stage
than the Cosmo people.
203
00:11:18,234 --> 00:11:20,067
Take that, you losers!
204
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:26,934
Wow, Nina, look at you!
205
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,167
Is that your nipple?
206
00:11:28,234 --> 00:11:29,434
Oh, just a hint.
207
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,167
Maya, may I run
my speech by you?
208
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:35,334
Oh, well, actually,
I'm working on my own.
209
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,400
Okay. Webster's defines
"fashion" as "to make or to craft something."
210
00:11:38,467 --> 00:11:40,167
But that's not
the way I see it.
211
00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:42,834
To me, it's dresses
and shoes, and often, hats.
212
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:45,400
But not jewelry,
that's accessories.
213
00:11:45,467 --> 00:11:47,534
One, two,
three, four...
214
00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:49,434
What are you doing?
215
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,000
Holding for applause.
216
00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:56,534
Jack. Jack, I need
to talk to you.
217
00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:58,234
What's wrong?
You look exhausted.
218
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,701
I can't do this.
Do what?
219
00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:01,334
Be part of this sham.
220
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,300
I didn't take that
picture and I can't take the credit for it.
221
00:12:03,367 --> 00:12:05,601
Well, look at it this way.
222
00:12:05,667 --> 00:12:10,567
Consider it a reward for
all your great photos that weren't taken by a monkey.
223
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,033
I'm sorry, Jack.
224
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,334
My conscience just won't
let me live with this.
225
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,300
Okay, Elliott.
226
00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:22,434
You do what you have to do,
227
00:12:22,501 --> 00:12:24,067
(CLICKS)
228
00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:26,067
and I'll do what
I have to do.
229
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,934
Uh, sir, you'll...
You'll have to put that out.
230
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,300
Oh?
231
00:12:32,367 --> 00:12:33,434
Will I?
232
00:12:34,334 --> 00:12:35,834
Yes.
233
00:12:35,901 --> 00:12:36,968
Sorry.
234
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,467
Hey.
235
00:12:40,534 --> 00:12:43,100
You guys, did you
see who's here? Me.
236
00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:46,400
Finch, looking sharp.
237
00:12:46,467 --> 00:12:49,000
Somewhere in New York,
there's a naked Ken doll.
238
00:12:57,033 --> 00:12:58,434
(HEAVENLY MUSIC PLAYING)
239
00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:00,100
(CHOIR HARMONIZING)
240
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,834
Finch, that better
be a breadstick.
241
00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:39,701
Maya, dear, this is probably
our last quiet moment before the celebration of my award.
242
00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:41,334
Um, okay.
243
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,868
So, just so you know,
when I'm up there and I say,
244
00:13:43,934 --> 00:13:47,501
"There are too many
people to thank," you're one of them.
245
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,701
Thank you, Nina.
246
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:53,400
So are you, Elliott.
I am not a fraud!
247
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:57,734
Um, hey, Nina, listen
to this first line
248
00:13:57,801 --> 00:14:00,467
and tell me if you think
it'll wake up this room full of phonies.
249
00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:01,968
"Ladies and gentlemen.
250
00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:04,467
"We should be
ashamed of ourselves!"
251
00:14:04,534 --> 00:14:05,634
What do you think?
252
00:14:05,701 --> 00:14:07,334
I think you need
to have some sex.
253
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:11,701
(GROANS)
254
00:14:12,868 --> 00:14:14,000
Sea breeze.
255
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:15,100
Beer.
256
00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:17,200
Well, hello again.
Yeah, hi.
257
00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:19,234
Liz Tesh, New York Post.
258
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,567
Dennis Finch.
259
00:14:22,801 --> 00:14:24,400
Hey, are you over there
at table 10?
260
00:14:24,467 --> 00:14:27,434
Ugh! Yeah, they always
seat me with all those stupid models.
261
00:14:27,501 --> 00:14:30,033
The only good part
is I get eight dinners.
262
00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:34,868
Right. Right.
263
00:14:34,934 --> 00:14:36,601
So, is there an extra
seat over there?
264
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,300
Yeah, my date
canceled on me.
265
00:14:38,367 --> 00:14:40,167
He said he had
a work emergency.
266
00:14:40,234 --> 00:14:41,834
"Emergency"? He's a poet.
267
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:47,367
So, uh,
about that seat...
268
00:14:47,434 --> 00:14:48,834
Yeah, you want it?
269
00:14:48,901 --> 00:14:50,767
Let's go.
You like steak? There's four left.
270
00:14:50,834 --> 00:14:54,534
I mean, if you count
the one in my purse.
271
00:14:54,601 --> 00:14:59,801
Good evening and welcome
to this year's Fashion Magazine Excellence Awards.
272
00:14:59,868 --> 00:15:03,300
Oh, this guy hosted
last year. He's great!
273
00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:05,801
So, do we really want to
sit here for three hours,
274
00:15:05,868 --> 00:15:07,734
or can we just give
all the awards to Cosmo?
275
00:15:07,801 --> 00:15:08,901
(ALL LAUGHING)
276
00:15:08,968 --> 00:15:11,234
Get off the stage,
you hack!
277
00:15:12,901 --> 00:15:15,100
Excuse me, are you
Elliott DiMauro?
278
00:15:15,167 --> 00:15:16,834
Yes.
279
00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:19,667
I have to tell you, I saw
your circus picture in the lobby. Amazing.
280
00:15:19,734 --> 00:15:22,300
Yeah.
It's so raw. So primal.
281
00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:23,834
What the hell is that
supposed to mean?
282
00:15:23,901 --> 00:15:26,067
Nothing. I...
Just stop taunting me!
283
00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:27,667
Yes, sir.
284
00:15:29,601 --> 00:15:32,701
Elliott, will you please
pull it together?
285
00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:34,300
I'm sorry, Jack. I...
286
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:39,734
Monkey. Monkey!
287
00:15:39,801 --> 00:15:41,634
If you don't stop
this nonsense,
288
00:15:41,701 --> 00:15:44,067
I'm gonna drag
you outside and beat the crap out of you!
289
00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:51,601
Our first category is
Best Achievement in Fashion Photography.
290
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:52,968
Oh, God!
291
00:15:53,033 --> 00:15:56,734
And the nominees are
Peter Lindbergh for Vogue,
292
00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:58,968
Theodore Miller for Elle,
293
00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:01,300
Nancy Jones for Cosmopolitan
294
00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:04,200
and Elliott DiMauro for Blush.
295
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:06,367
And the Femmy goes to...
296
00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:10,167
Oh, please, don't let me win.
Please, don't let me win. Please, don't let me win.
297
00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:11,868
Nancy Jones for Cosmo.
298
00:16:12,734 --> 00:16:13,801
What?
299
00:16:14,701 --> 00:16:17,100
Her? Oh, give
me a break!
300
00:16:17,167 --> 00:16:19,234
This thing is fixed!
I was robbed!
301
00:16:20,534 --> 00:16:22,834
Look at them gloat.
302
00:16:22,901 --> 00:16:25,400
Big deal,
you beat a monkey!
303
00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:36,567
So I said,
"Fine, if everybody else in this house
304
00:16:36,634 --> 00:16:40,434
"wants me to leave, I'll
leave. But some parents you turned out to be."
305
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:44,968
Hey, uh, what happened
to that woman that was sitting here?
306
00:16:45,033 --> 00:16:46,801
Who?
307
00:16:46,868 --> 00:16:49,234
Tall, brown hair,
black dress...
308
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,100
Oh, I think she left.
Left?
309
00:16:51,167 --> 00:16:53,434
Where did she go?
310
00:16:53,501 --> 00:16:55,467
You know, I'm beginning
to think that you're not all that interested in my story.
311
00:16:55,534 --> 00:16:57,300
No. No. That's not...
312
00:17:02,234 --> 00:17:04,334
Another sea breeze
when you get a chance.
313
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,067
Make it two.
314
00:17:08,067 --> 00:17:09,667
You.
Hello.
315
00:17:09,734 --> 00:17:10,767
Hi.
316
00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:13,567
I have been looking
for you all night.
317
00:17:13,634 --> 00:17:16,000
You have?
Get away from my boyfriend!
318
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:17,601
Get away!
What? What?
319
00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,067
He's mine, bitch!
320
00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:23,934
No! I'm not...
What? Are you nuts?
321
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,734
I thought she was
bothering you.
322
00:17:26,934 --> 00:17:28,868
Bothering me?
323
00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:31,167
Do you realize what
I had to go through to get here tonight,
324
00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:35,200
on the off-chance I
would even get to look at a woman like that?
325
00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:38,834
And then just when
the impossible is about to come true,
326
00:17:38,901 --> 00:17:42,567
you, the steak-woofing psycho,
come in and screw it all up!
327
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:46,868
Want to go to the coatroom
and see my boobs?
328
00:17:53,234 --> 00:17:54,701
Yeah, all right.
329
00:17:59,701 --> 00:18:02,968
In the category of
Best Fashion Spread...
330
00:18:03,033 --> 00:18:06,534
All right, Nina.
This is gonna be your night!
331
00:18:06,601 --> 00:18:08,567
Take away everything pointy.
332
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,901
And the nominees are
333
00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:14,400
Margo Langhorne for Vogue,
334
00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:16,968
Dora Cohen for Elle,
335
00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:19,167
Curtis DeVille
for Cosmopolitan
336
00:18:19,234 --> 00:18:22,133
and Nina Van Horn for Blush.
337
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,000
And the Femmy goes to
338
00:18:27,934 --> 00:18:29,167
Nina Van Horn for Blush!
339
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,901
(EXCLAIMING)
Oh, my God!
340
00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:36,334
Nina, don't forget
to say my name!
341
00:18:40,501 --> 00:18:42,334
(CLEARS THROAT)
342
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:46,300
"Ladies and gentlemen,
we should be ashamed of ourselves!"
343
00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:47,367
Huh?
344
00:18:49,734 --> 00:18:52,334
What the hell?
She took the wrong speech.
345
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,400
NINA: Uh...
346
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,300
(CLEARS THROAT)
347
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:58,067
"How many of you looked
in the mirror as you were getting ready tonight
348
00:18:58,133 --> 00:19:00,634
"and thought,
'I don't measure up'?"
349
00:19:00,701 --> 00:19:02,033
I thought that!
350
00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:08,300
"Isn't it time
to fill our pages
351
00:19:08,367 --> 00:19:11,868
"with stories and images
that make people feel good about themselves?
352
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:20,467
"Articles like 'Cleavage
Fever' should be ridiculed, not rewarded.
353
00:19:24,434 --> 00:19:28,834
"We should appeal to people's
minds instead of preying on their fears.
354
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,734
"We can do better.
355
00:19:34,801 --> 00:19:36,100
(GIGGLES)
356
00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:38,701
"But someone has to
take the first step.
357
00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:42,100
"Therefore, with hope
for a brighter tomorrow, I must
358
00:19:42,167 --> 00:19:44,300
"decline this award.
Thank you."
359
00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:46,100
What?
360
00:19:51,934 --> 00:19:55,701
Hey, Cosmo,
it still counts!
361
00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:00,300
Amazing.
362
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:04,267
I'm just glad that
somebody finally had the guts to say it.
363
00:20:04,334 --> 00:20:07,634
And now, the nominees
for Best Feature Article.
364
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:11,634
Maya Gallo
for Blush magazine,
365
00:20:11,701 --> 00:20:13,801
Krista Raine for Allure,
366
00:20:13,868 --> 00:20:16,200
Shelly Adler for Cosmopolitan
367
00:20:16,267 --> 00:20:19,000
and Joy Gordon for Vogue.
368
00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:21,734
Please don't let me win.
Please don't let me win. Please don't let me win.
369
00:20:21,801 --> 00:20:24,434
And the Femmy goes to
370
00:20:24,501 --> 00:20:28,234
Maya Gallo for
"Cleavage Fever."
371
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,033
You should be ashamed.
372
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:45,934
Hey! It still counts!
373
00:20:46,634 --> 00:20:47,767
Nice catch.
374
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,701
I've seen your work.
It's very good.
375
00:20:55,767 --> 00:21:00,968
The composition.
The framing. The swirly lights.
376
00:21:01,033 --> 00:21:04,234
Ah. And it says here
you ride a tricycle.
377
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:05,501
Can you start Monday?
378
00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:07,033
(MONKEY GIBBERING)
Oh, good.
379
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,167
Well...
380
00:21:10,033 --> 00:21:11,400
Yeah. Yeah.
381
00:21:14,567 --> 00:21:16,234
I think it's gonna work fine.
382
00:21:16,284 --> 00:21:20,834
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