Original subtitles

( theme music playing )

( seagulls cawing )

HEY, MOREASS! MY TOE!

OWW! YEAH, YOU HARD-ON!

( rock music playing )

HAVEN'T I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE YOUR FUCKING MACHINE ON

TO SPEW INCOMPREHENSIBILITIES AT PASSERSBY LIKE A ROADSIDE FUCKING BOMB?

I TURNED IT OFF LAST NIGHT.

DID YOU TURN IT OFF TWICE,

WHICH WOULD BE BACK ON? BECAUSE IT IS.

DID YOU TOUCH THE KEYBOARD OR ANYTHING...?

UH-HUH, WHILE I RAN MY TONGUE IN AND OUT OF THE LITTLE SOCKETS

ON THE BACK OF THE FUCKING BOX.

THAT'S BUTCHIE'S MOTEL.

SHARP AS A TACK, YOU.

HOLY SHIT.

COME ON, WE GOT TO CHANGE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING FATIGUES...

OR WHATEVER THOSE THINGS ARE.

HEY, YOU WAIT HERE, JOHN.

- IS SHAUN ALL RIGHT? - SHAUN'S ALL RIGHT.

HERE, THESE WON'T FIT YOU AND THEY'RE DIRTY, BUT...

( clears throat )

...PUT THESE ON.

WHERE WERE YOU COMING FROM OFF THE WATER?

CINCINNATI.

YOU'RE UP, BUDDY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, JOHN. GO WITH BUTCHIE.

TAKE THAT WETSUIT OFF

AND PUT THESE ON.

NAH, WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT.

SHAUNIE, YOU READY?

COME HERE. GET IN THERE.

FINE, HURRY UP, MAN.

HEY, CHICK.

IT'S CASS, KAI.

THEY'RE ALL RIGHT. THEY'RE BACK.

GOOD, GOOD.

THANKS FOR TAKING CARE OF HIM ALL THIS TIME.

I GOTTA COOK.

I'M HERE WITH THE MOTHER.

I'M HERE ON SPEC.

HI, MOM.

- ARE YOU OKAY? - I'M FINE.

I GOT TO TAKE YOU TO YOUR GRAM'S AND GRAMPS', SHAUNIE.

I WANNA STAY WITH JOHN.

YEAH WELL, I WANT A SEAL THAT BARKS MY NAME.

YOU COMING?

Butchie: YOU STAY HERE, JOHN.

- I'LL KEEP AN EYE ON HIM. - THANKS.

Shaun: I'LL COME BACK SOON, JOHN.

YEAH, LET YOURSELF IN.

LET'S SIT DOWN, JOHN.

( engine starts )

SHAUNIE! SHAUNIE!

Butchie: HE CAME IN ON THE WATER, HIM AND JOHN.

SHAUNIE'S NOT SURE FROM WHERE.

LINC'S TALKING TO JOHN TO FIND OUT WHAT WENT ON.

- LINC IS? - HEY, FREDDY GOT SQUAT WHEN HE TRIED.

- MAYBE SLICK WILL WORK. - HE'S PROBABLY GONNA SIGN HIM TO A DEAL.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, GRAMPS?

- HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH? - HEY, WHAT THE HELL DID SHE DO, MA?

HOW MUCH TIME HAVE YOU GOT?

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, SHAUNIE. I'M GLAD YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

- THANKS, MOM. - COME ON, I'LL DROP YOU OFF.

CAN YOU MAKE ME A PEANUT BUTTER-BUTTER SANDWICH?

NOT TUNA?

SO...

I'M THE GUY THAT EVERY TIME YOU SEE, YOU TELL THE END IS NEAR.

YOU'RE LINC STARK.

YOU SHOULD GET IN THE GAME.

LIKE MITCH YOST?

MITCH YOST SHOULD GET BACK IN THE GAME.

SO I'VE NEVER BEEN IN THE GAME?

IF MY WORDS ARE YOURS,

CAN YOU HEAR MY FATHER?

LET'S SAY I CAN.

LET'S SAY THE ZEROS AND ONES IN CASS'S CAMERA

HELP YOU HEAR MY FATHER'S WORD.

CASS AND I GO BACK.

LET'S SAY YOU AND CASS GO BACK, LINC STARK.

LET'S SAY IN MY FATHER'S WORD,

IN CASS'S CAMERA, THE INTERNET IS BIG.

9/11 IS BIG.

BUT NOT EVERY TOWELHEAD IS ERADICATED.

LET'S SAY I DON'T FOLLOW.

LET'S SAY WITHOUT CASS'S CAMERA,

"BIG" AND "HUGE" WON'T MEAN DICK.

GETTING DUSTED WON'T BE AN ISSUE.

( exhales )

THIS IS ME GRABBING MY BALLS AND JUMPING HERE, JOHN.

GRAB YOUR JUMP-BALLS, LINC.

YOU USE MY WORDS,

AND WHEN YOU SPEAK THEM,

IF I LISTEN RIGHT, I CAN HEAR YOUR FATHER?

YES, LINC.

IF YOU ARE THE END, I AM NEAR YOU.

YES, LINC.

WITHOUT CASS'S CAMERA,

WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT IS,

WE'RE ALL TOAST?

YOU'RE ALL GOING TO BE TOAST. WE'RE COMING 9/11/14.

FUCK ME, JOHN.

FUCK YOU, LINC.

IS THERE ANY SPECIAL PURPOSE TO US

BURNING OUR ASS-CHEEKS OFF ON THIS ASPHALT?

I DON'T KNOW, BUTCHIE, INSTEAD.

IS MY ORDER READY?

NOT TODAY.

I ORDER SMOOTHIES FOR ME AND THE DOGS EVERY DAY.

AND EVERY OTHER DAY THEY'RE READY AND TODAY THEY AREN'T.

SO EITHER PISS OFF OR GO BEHIND THE COUNTER AND MAKE THEM YOURSELF.

TECHNICALLY,

THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN BE SEEING WHAT WE'RE SEEING.

HEY, BACK OFF A SEC, WILL YOU?

DON'T LEAVE TOWN.

I'M STAYING, AND I'M TRYING NOT TO GIVE CISSY A HEART ATTACK.

I'M ALL OVER IT, YOU KNOW--

WHAT SHAUNIE WAS UP TO WITH JOHN.

JOHN'S NOT AN ASSHOLE OR HE'D KNOW HOW TO TAKE A DUMP.

( paper rustling )

GIVE THE GUY A TIP.

Linc: DOES YOUR FATHER HAVE A FATHER, JOHN?

MY FATHER HAS A FATHER.

WHAT'S YOUR FATHER'S FATHER'S NAME?

"FATHER."

LIKE GEORGE FOREMAN AND HIS KIDS.

LIKE GEORGE FOREMAN?

DO YOU KNOW YOUR FATHER'S FATHER?

I KNOW MY FATHER'S FATHER'S WORDS.

WHAT ARE HIS WORDS?

"LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER."

THAT'S WHAT YOUR FATHER'S FATHER SAYS TO YOU?

THAT'S WHAT MY FATHER'S FATHER SAYS TO MY FATHER.

YOU DON'T TALK, YOU AND YOUR FATHER'S FATHER?

WE DON'T TALK.

BUT HE'S ALIVE, YOUR FATHER'S FATHER?

I LISTEN TO MY FATHER'S WORDS.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING RIGHT FROM LEFT FUCKING FIELD, JOHN.

- RIGHT FROM LEFT. - WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

I MEAN, TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MY BROTHER.

JUST SPIT IT RIGHT THE FUCK OUT.

FIVE WORDS, MAXIMUM, RIGHT NOW-- POW BOOM!

MAXIMUM, RIGHT NOW, POW BOOM!

- GIVE ME A POUND. - NO, YOU GIVE ME A POUND.

Cissy: YOU GOT SOME "GOOD ONES"?

"THEY" WANT TO SPONSOR YOU? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, SHAUNIE?

YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S RIGHT. WE DESERVE TO KNOW.

I'D LIKE TO MOVE IN WITH JOHN AND DAD.

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

YOU DON'T LOVE US?

WE DID A HORRIBLE JOB? WHAT?

YOU KNOW I HAVE THAT PACK WITH THE LINER FOR WETSUITS, OUT BACK.

THAT'S OKAY, GRAMPS. I'M GOOD.

- HEY. - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, I-- YOU KNOW, MAYBE IT IS TIME.

YOU'RE SENDING SHAUNIE TO LIVE WITH BUTCHIE AND THAT ASSHOLE THAT RAN OFF WITH HIM?

HOW CAN YOU BE THAT FUCKING THICK?

HE SHOULD BE HERE, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, WHERE WE CAN WATCH HIM.

HE WAS HERE, CISSY. HE WAS HERE,

YOU WERE HERE. YOU HAD BILL AND FREDDY OUT FRONT.

I LOVE YOU, GRAMPS. I LOVE YOU, GRAM.

I'M GONNA HOP OVER THE FENCE.

( door shuts )

GET BACK DOWN HERE.

COULD YOU TURN OFF THE FAN?

Linc: HOW'S SHAUN, BUTCHIE?

MY MOM AND DAD ARE PISSING IN HIS EAR.

- Linc: DO YOU HAVE A MOTHER, JOHN? - MY MOTHER IS MY FATHER.

MY MOTHER'S A CUNT WITH EARFLAPS.

YOUR MOTHER HAS TURNED HERSELF INTO THE WORST BALL-BUSTER KNOWN TO MAN

SO NO ONE WOULD BE AROUND HER,

AND SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID SHE'D DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN.

THAT'S HOW ASHAMED OF HERSELF SHE WAS.

MITCH WIPES OUT. MITCH WIPES OUT CISSY.

- CISSY SHOWS BUTCHIE HOW TO DO THAT. - WHAT THE FUCK, JOHN.

BUTCHIE HURTS BARRY'S HEAD.

MR. ROLLINS COMES IN BARRY'S FACE.

WE ARE ALL FRAIL VESSELS.

JOHN IS GOING ALL "PSYCHIC HOTLINE" ON US, HUH?

CAN I CRASH WITH YOU AND JOHN, DAD?

YOU CAN CRASH WITH ME. HE KEEPS RUNNING HIS MOUTH,

JOHN MAY BE HOSPITALIZED BY THEN.

WHAT'S UP WITH THE FLAK SUITS, MY BROTHER?

THAT'S WHAT THEY CAME BACK WEARING.

SHOWIN' UP IN CAMOUFLAGE?

JOHN SPOUTING, "THE END IS NEAR. 9/11 IS BIG,"

LIABLE TO PUSH SOME PEOPLE'S BUTTONS, SHAUNIE.

- THEY WANT TO SPONSOR US. - WHO WANTS TO SPONSOR YOU?

WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON, JOHN? WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS GO?

HEY HEY HEY, TALK TO SHAUNIE. I'LL TALK TO JOHN.

- SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING PLAN. - BUTCHIE HURT MY TIT.

HERE, COME HERE.

( coughs )

IT'S YOURS. PICKED IT UP BY ACCIDENT.

IF IT HAD RANG, WOULD YOU HAVE WANTED ME TO ANSWER IT?

NO.

IT RANG, I ANSWERED.

MOANA'S COMING, LANDED IN SAN DIEGO.

SHOULD I GET THE TOOLS FROM THE TRUNK?

HE CALLED AHEAD.

TRUE.

SHOULD I BE STRAPPED ON MY PERSON, IN MY ROOM?

ON THE EAR, I CAN RECOGNIZE THE DRIFT OF THINGS.

LET IT PLAY OUT.

DIDN'T THEY USED TO HAVE BIBLES IN THESE PLACES?

YEAH, GIDEONS-- BIG DISTRIBUTOR.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, SHAUNIE? THIS SHIT'S FREAKING ME OUT.

- YOU DISAPPEARED WITH YOUR MOM-- - WE WENT TO SEAWORLD.

I KNOW YOU WENT TO SEAWORLD AND MOM BROUGHT YOU BACK.

BUT JOHN TOLD SOME PEOPLE THAT YOU WERE GONNA BE GONE.

AND BEFORE YOU CAME BACK, EVERYBODY WAS ALREADY FREAKED OUT.

AND THEN YOUR MOM BROUGHT YOU BACK, AND THE NEXT MORNING,

- YOU'RE FUCKING GONE AGAIN. - I WAS WITH JOHN.

IT'S WHERE YOU WENT WITH JOHN, SHAUNIE,

THAT'S GOT EVERYBODY'S SHORTS IN A BUNCH.

I DON'T KNOW.

SO THAT HAS EVERYONE WORRIED THAT HE HALF HYPNOTIZED YOU OR SOME FUCKING THING.

- THEY HAD SOME PRETTY FUN ONES. - YOU REMEMBER THAT?

SORT OF.

YOU REMEMBER THEY WANT TO SPONSOR YOU?

I SORT OF REMEMBER.

WHAT DOES "SORT OF" MEAN, SHAUNIE?

I REMEMBER TO SAY IT.

THE WAVES WERE GOOD.

WERE THE WAVES ON WATER?

- I DON'T KNOW. - JESUS CHRIST!

WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU, SHAUNIE? WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?

CINCINNATI.

CINCINNATI IS THAT WAY. THE SKY'S UP THERE.

WHERE'S YOUR FRIEND, THE FUCKING CHEMIST?

AT THE ALTERNATIVE APOTHECARY.

- WHO ARE YOU CALLING? - BILL JACKS.

YOU NEED TO BE WATCHED, MITCH-- YOU ALWAYS NEEDED THAT.

- BILL JACKS, CAN I HELP YOU? - Cissy: Great news, Bill.

SHAUNIE'S HOME.

CAN YOU COME OVER?

THANKS A LOT.

- WELL, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - ERRANDS.

Linc: LET'S SAY YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE, JOHN.

LET'S SAY I'M NOT, LINC.

CHOCOLATE, VANILLA-- EVERYONE'S FROM SOMEWHERE, SO YOU'RE NOT FROM HERE.

ON THE OTHER HAND, FINDING OUT YOU'RE NOT FROM HERE

IS A BIT OF A NUT-NUDGE FOR US EARTHLINGS.

I CAN'T IMAGINE YOUR OLD MAN WOULDN'T KNOW THAT.

I CAN'T IMAGINE MY OLD MAN WOULDN'T KNOW THAT.

THAT'S YOUR FATHER'S POINT-- WITH THE CAMO AND STUFF?

- SCARE OUR BALLS OFF? - YOU HEAR MY FATHER'S WORDS.

John: YOU HEAR THEM BETTER IN CASS'S CAMERA.

WHO'S SUPPOSED TO SEE THIS, JOHN?

YOU HEAR MY FATHER'S WORDS, LINC.

ME.

( tires squeal )

YOUR FUCKIN' FATHER'S ON THE FUCKIN' CEILING.

FINE. COME HERE, SHAUNIE.

SOMETHING'S FUCKED AT THE HOUSE. I'LL CHECK IN.

- ( engine starts ) - Butchie: HERE, HOOK UP.

MEET THE JETSONS.

Linc: I WANNA GIVE YOU AN ADDRESS.

YOU MEET ME HERE AND BRING THE TAILOR.

WHY DON'T WE JUST PULL YOU DOWN, DAD?

NO.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE IF THE CEILING KEEPS YOU FROM FLYING OFF OR WE DO?

LOOK, I WANT AS LITTLE COMPLICATION AS POSSIBLE.

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

WHAT ABOUT THE COMPLICATIONS FOR US, MITCH,

WORRYIN' YOU'LL PISS ON OUR HEADS EVERY TIME WE WALK UNDER YOU?

YOU COULD TELL ME ABOUT WHERE YOU WENT, GRAMPS.

WELL, I CAN-- I CAN DO THAT FROM HERE.

OH YEAH? THEN WHY AREN'T YOU, DAD?

JUST GET OUT, GET OUT. DON'T LOOK.

JUST...

( sobs )

GOIN' TO THE RESTROOM.

Linc: MEN, THERE'S A PARADE THIS AFTERNOON

DOWN AT THE PIER FOR SHAUN AND JOHN, 3:30, 4:00.

DON'T BE NO-SHOWS. YOU'RE IN IT.

OUR OWN CELEBRATORY BARBECUE, RAMON,

IS THUS SOMEWHAT IMPINGED UPON.

YOU GUYS, YOU'RE THE ISLAND CONTINGENT!

WE COULD TAKE THIS STUFF TO WHEREVER THE PARADE'S AT.

NO WAY TO PAINT THIS PATTERN ON MORE WETSUITS.

IN THE TWO HOURS, YOU MEAN, BEFORE WE PUT THE PLAY ON IN THE BARN?

- THE LOGO I COULD DO. - BARBECUE'S BEEN 86'd, DICKSTEIN.

THE SURF GUY IS HAVING A PARADE DOWN BY THE PIER, 3:30.

ALL RIGHT, LINC, SO AS HIS PERSONAL MANAGER NOW,

WITH SHAUN BACK FROM THE DEAD AND OUTER SPACE TOO--

AND ASSUMING HE'S SIGNED YOU TOO?

I ASSUMED YOU'VE SIGNED MING OF MARS?

YOUR IDEA FOR THE SKIT IN THE BARN IS LIKE,

"STINKWEED, IT'S FACE ON ALL THIS--"

"A MIRACLE-- HALF OUR BASE RUNS THE OTHER WAY.

DO WE MAKE THAT UP SELLING AT SHRINES?"

SO YOU TELL HIM SOMETHING THAT I SAID TO YOU

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO THINK, LIKE, "WHOA, HE JUST CAME UP WITH THAT."

THEN I'M SUPPOSED TO WET MY PANTS AND OKAY THE STREET FAIR?

"IF I GET YOU TO TIJUANA, THE KID CAN HEAR OUR CONFESSION."

SOMETHING I DIDN'T SAY TO HIM.

John: "DO YOU WANT ME TO WRITE YOU ANOTHER CHECK?"

Jake: SOMETHING I DIDN'T SAY TO HER

THAT HE COULD HAVE HEARD ON HER TAPE RECORDER.

John: "WHAT ROOM IS SHE IN?"

DO THE T-SHIRTS.

STINKWEED LOGOS ON THE WETSUITS.

WE NEED AN EL CAMINO.

- WHOSE LOGO IS THIS? - "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKIN' BUSINESS INCORPORATED."

I WANT TO SEE THAT LOGO EVERYWHERE WE SET UP.

( sighs ) IN TWO HOURS?

AMAZING HE CAN DO DESIGN WORK WHILE UP ON A CROSS.

WHOEVER JOHN IS FRONTING FOR,

HE CALLS HIM HIS FATHER.

I'M GUESSING IF HIS FATHER WANTED,

WE'D ALL BE GOOD AND FUCKED BY NOW.

SO YOU GUESS HIS OLD MAN'S GOT PLANS FOR THE YOSTS?

HE TALKED TO ME BEFORE HE TALKED TO MITCH.

SO HIS FATHER'S GOT PLANS FOR YOU TOO?

I'M A SALESMAN. I'M GUESSING HE WANTS ME TO SELL THE FAMILY.

THROUGH STINKWEED?

ISN'T THAT HOW WE BUILT THE BRAND,

SEEING THE WINNERS EARLY?

- MAY I TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT MY BEARS? - ABSOLUTELY.

THEY WERE WHAT MY EYES OPENED TO THIS MORNING,

THERE ON THE FLOOR BESIDE MY MATTRESS IN MY OTHERWISE UNAPPOINTED BEDROOM.

NICE.

THEY WERE JUST AS I HAD SITUATED THEM

BEFORE I LAID MY HEAD TO PILLOW.

NOTHING UNTOWARD HAD TRANSPIRED IN THE DARKNESS.

"MY GOD," I THOUGHT,

"THEY'RE JUST TWO BEARS DOING WHAT BEARS DO."

I DIDN'T SEE FREDDY'S TEDDY AND WONDER HOW HARD

HE MAY HAVE VIOLATED MY TEDDY THE NIGHT BEFORE,

OR HOW MANY TIMES HE MAY HAVE CALLED TEDDY "FAGGOT,"

OR "COCKSUCKER," OR "SISSY MARY."

I CHOSE TO BELIEVE THEY PLAYED NICELY.

- LIVE AND LEARN. - AND I CHOOSE TO DO SO STILL,

EVEN IN THEIR PROXIMITY TO THE FLAME.

I'M STANDING SO THEY DON'T GET SPARKED ON.

TELL THE QUEER I DON'T LIKE THOSE BEARS SITTING TOGETHER.

THAT'S YOUR OPENER. THEN ASK IF HIM AND THE BEANER

ARE WEARING THEM CLOTHES TO THE PARADE.

GO, GO AHEAD.

HEY.

BLAH BLAH BLAH, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH-- WE'RE TALKING, WE'RE TALKING.

YOU'RE LISTENING, NOW YOU'RE LISTENING. LOOK AT THE BEARS FOR A SECOND.

LOOK AT THE BEAR, UH-HUH. THAT'S GOOD.

HEY, YOU'RE WEARING THEM CLOTHES TO THE PARADE?

- I THOUGHT I WOULD. - FINE.

AREN'T THESE PARADE-APPROPRIATE?

DICKSTEIN HAD A LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE, WHY HE'S BEEN OUT OF TOUCH.

HE'S WEARING THOSE.

( grumbles )

- WE ALL RIGHT? - WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT THE BEARS?

UH, SEGREGATED WHENEVER THEY'RE INDOORS.

CHERRY OLDIES, 8th AND PALM.

- CHERRY OLDIES, 8th AND PALM, WHAT? - HAS AN EL CAMINO.

THEN WE BETTER GO CHECK THE FUCKER OUT.

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA-- OVER THERE. OVER THERE, HUH?

MISS, MISS, I TOLD YOU ONCE ABOUT THE KODAK.

FUCKIN' PLEASE, HUH? NOT AT US.

( mocks ) STARE ME DOWN. STARE ME DOWN!

YOU WANT A PICTURE? YOU WANT A PICTURE?

TAKE A FUCKIN' PICTURE-- OF ME, NOT HIM.

I'M TAKING A PICTURE OF THE ENTIRE SCENE, MY BROTHER.

ALL THE ZEROS AND ONES, HUH?

THAT'S HOW I WORK.

FUCKIN' BALL-BUSTER.

CAN WE PLEASE GET READY FOR MOANA?

KINDA CUTE.

SHE JUST CALLED YOU A ZERO.

Salesman: I FEEL THAT YOU BOYS ARE READY FOR THIS CAMINO.

FUCKIN' LUG NUTS ON A T-BIRD.

BETWEEN THE TWO OF US, WE OWN MORE CARS THAN YOU HAVE ON THIS LOT.

MY GUESS IS YOUR FEELING IS PROBABLY RIGHT.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN BY "READY"--

NUMBER OF VEHICLES OWNED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, POPS?

WE GOTS TO BOOGIE.

OH, SO I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT I MEAN BEFORE I CAN HAVE A FEELING?

DO I HAVE TO KNOW THAT YOU'LL UNDERSTAND ME?

DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW YOU'LL UNDERSTAND BEFORE YOU LISTEN?

25 CARS BETWEEN YOU?

YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME SIT DOWN BEFORE YOU TOLD ME.

I'VE GOT THAT MANY DEALERSHIPS IN EACH OF THAT MANY SECTORS

AND BRANDS ON GODDAMN FRANCHISE.

I GOTTA BOOGIE! ME!

HE FEELS YOU'RE READY FOR THE CAMINO.

- YOU'RE OFF-LINE NOW, COUNTRY. - I DON'T KNOW, BUTCHIE, INSTEAD.

HOW'S HE FOR HIGH PERFORMANCE?

AND HE AIN'T WHO'S WORST UNDERPOWERED.

INTRUSIONS, EVANESCENCES...

I'M A SHEPHERD, WITHOUT CROOK OR UNDERSTANDING!

FITS AND STOPS AND STARTS, WAVES AND RIPPLES

AND RAMIFICATIONS! BUSTED KNEE,

MOTHER-SON HANDJOBS.

CHRIST, JESUS CHRIST, JESUS CHRIST!

CROSSES... AND SHOULDERS TO BEAR 'EM.

EL CAMINO! $15,000 AS IS.

- Linc: IS IT GASSED? - FUCKING-A RIGHT, IT'S GASSED, LINC.

YOU AND YOUR 25 CARS.

CIRCLE AND LINE ON THE WALL,

AND ZEROS AND GODDAMN ONES

IS WHAT TO TURN THE BOTH OF YOUR GIFTS TO--

AND NOT ONE DAMN MINUTE TO WASTE.

RAGHEADS ARE GONNA GET THEMSELVES ERADICATED.

COUNTRY, I TOOK YOU OFF-LINE.

MANUEL!

GET A CAGE ON THIS THING.

- Freddy: HOW WAS THE FLIGHT? - IT WAS GOOD, YOU KNOW, FAIR.

GOT SICK?

SHMALL KINE, NOT REALLY.

WHAT THEN?

TERRIBLE FUCKIN' HURRICANE, TSUNAMI?

WHAT THE FUCK YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? WHERE?

FIVE DAYS SINCE WE SPOKE,

MAYBE THEY HAD THEM AT THE AIRPORT.

CLEAR SKIES, BRAH.

MAYBE YOU SPENT THEM TURNIN' OVER AND OVER,

"WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT, THIS HAOLE FUCK,

PRETENDING TO GIVE ME SOMETHING?"

MAYBE YOU SPENT THEM...

"HE MUST HAVE GOT OLD FUCKIN' FAST OVER THERE,

THINKS HE'S GONNA MOVE ON ME,

CONFUSING ME FOR SOME OTHER KANAKA.

MAYBE HANDLE HIS SHIT FOR HIM BEFORE HE HANDLES MINE FOR ME."

YOU KNOW I GOT TO THINK ABOUT THAT.

BUT YOU DIDN'T COME IN HERE BLAZING...

COME ON, FREDDY, YOU RAISED ME UP.

...SO I KNOW YOU DIDN'T TRAVEL ALONE.

YOU COCKSUCKERS ALWAYS NEED SOMEONE TO WORK FOR.

TELL THE CHINAMAN, "FREDDY'S GOT 17 SAFE DEPOSITS."

TELL HIM, "HE'LL TAKE A TASTE FOR THREE YEARS

BUT ALL HE WANTS IS OUT."

BUT-- BEFORE YOU TALK TO HIM,

IF YOU EAT SOMETHING STRANGE THAT PUTS A BRAIN IN YOUR FUCKIN' HEAD,

MOANA, TELL THE CHINAMAN...

TO GO FUCK HIMSELF,

AND ASK ME FOR THE KEYS ON YOUR OWN.

( car doors slam )

I GOT THEM. I GOT THE FISH.

JAKE FERRIS, STINKWEED.

CAN ANYONE THROW ME A BONE?

WHOSE RIDE WOULD THIS BE NOW?

Reporter: HAS SHAUN YOST BEEN FOUND OR NOT?

Jake: AH, THERE MAY BE SOME NEWS ON THAT.

WE'RE PUTTING SOMETHING TOGETHER FOR YOU GUYS SOON.

- THANKS. - IS THAT TINA BLAKE?

CAN I GET SOME RHYTHM? SHE'S PART OF MY PRIVATE LIFE.

THIS AIN'T THE TIME TO BREAK YOU'RE HIS MOTHER.

THINK OF A PLACE WE'RE GOING.

THERE'S A FENCE AROUND BACK-- WE COULD CLIMB OVER.

BRAH, TRY TAKE YOUR GLASSES OFF.

Freddy: HAVIN' IT WHERE WE COULD SEE IT,

- THAT'S THE CHINAMAN ASKING TO NEGOTIATE. - THEY'RE ALREADY IN THE CAR.

ASKIN' TO NEGOTIATE WITH ME...

WOW.

...VOLUNTEERING TO OFF MOANA.

THAT KID BETTER BE MORE THAN HALF-SMART.

SO WHAT'D THE BUGGAH BULAI TO YOU?

BRAH,

I THINK THAT BUGGAH LIKE ME TAKE OVER HIS TURF IN HAWAII.

WHAT? HOW COME?

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE HE HAD A VISION OR SOMETHING.

- I DON'T KNOW. - FUCKING MAHU.

SO WHAT?

HE, LIKE, GIVE YOU HIS BUSINESS

SO YOU CAN COME AND GIVE 'EM BACK TO ME?

( chuckles )

BRAH, I DON'T GIVE NOTHING TO NOBODY.

IF ANYTHING, I TAKE.

AH, MOANA.

YOU REMEMBER SMALL KID TIME?

I USED TO HANG YOU OVER THE ROOF

SO YOU CAN BREAK IN THROUGH THE WINDOW AND ROB THE HOUSE?

YOU TRUST ME THEN, RIGHT?

YEAH, BUT THAT WAS HANABADDAH DAYS.

THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I MAY BE PUPULE, BUT I AIN'T NO LOLO.

I NEVER SAY YOU WAS LOLO.

SO WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT YOU LIKE ME DO NOW?

I DON'T KNOW, I THINK MO' BETTAH YOU HELE BACK TO HAWAII.

LET ME FIGURE OUT WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON.

HOW'S THAT SOUND?

OKAY, BROTHER.

I'LL GO HELE BACK, BUT REMEMBER ONE THING:

WE GO BACK A LONG LONG WAY, BROTHER.

REMEMBER, YOU AND I,

WE OHANA.

YEAH.

WHAT, I CAN THROW MY GLASSES BACK ON OR WHAT?

( sighs ) SHOOT.

ALL RIGHT.

- ALOHA. - ALOHA NO, BROTHER.

( sighs )

DROVE OFF--

THE CHINAMAN.

MOANA WALKED AWAY ON FOOT.

LET'S GO TO THE PARADE.

YOU BRING YOUR CELL PHONE WITH YOU, DEFINITELY.

HE WON'T BE USING NO CELL PHONE.

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, HE'LL BE COMIN'.

WHAT DO YOU WANT HERE?

THIS.

TIMES SQUARE, NEW YEAR'S EVE--

ONLY THING MISSING'S THE BALL...

WHICH COULD BE HIM IN THERE.

THIS, SHAUN...?

Linc: WE SELL IT AS A STINKWEED DRUMROLL, HYPE FOR THE YOST FAMILY SIGNING--

ALL THE YOSTS IN STINKWEED GEAR, TREMENDOUS COMING-OUT PARTY.

- WHAT ABOUT JOHN? - HE'S YOUR STUDENT. YOU MADE ME SIGN HIM.

Jake: FOLD HIM INTO THE FAMILY PACKAGE.

IT LAYS DOWN COVER, MITCH,

FOR WHATEVER'S GOING ON, AS LONG AS IT'S GOING ON.

NONE OF THOSE FLESH-EATERS KNOW ABOUT ME YET.

YOU EVER PLAN ON GOING OUTSIDE?

DO I ASSUME NO PERMITS WERE SECURED?

UH, STINKWEED'S A GOOD CITIZEN OF I.B.,

WE'VE GOT ONE TO SET UP IN THE PARK.

IF YOU TOOK YOUR HAT OFF INDOORS,

YOU MIGHT REALIZE I WAS REFERRING TO TRAFFIC CONTROL.

FORM UP ADJACENT TO THE SURF SHOP

AND I'LL LEAD YOUR VEHICLES IN.

BACK IN THE GAME, MITCH YOST.

( birdcall )

STARE ME DOWN!

STARE ME DOWN!

IT'S EL DIABLO.

I GUESS YOU'RE BACK.

Bill: THE STAGING AREA THAT I HAD DESIGNATED WAS CLOSED.

I TRIED TO GET SOME CITIZENS TO MOVE THEIR CARS.

WE GOT A REPORT YOU WERE INTIMIDATING CUSTOMERS.

I WASN'T INTIMIDATING CUSTOMERS!

ASK HER! I HAVE COFFEE IN THERE EVERY DAY.

AND NOW I'M IN CUFFS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.

YOU WANT TO MAKE YOURSELVES USEFUL? CITE HIM!

- BECAUSE THOSE THINGS CUT THE LEGS OUT FROM UNDER OLDSTERS. - ( dog yips )

JUST WHEN YOU THINK THINGS CAN'T GET WORSE, THE MAN WITH THE DOG.

IT'S THE ALBATROSS AROUND MY NECK.

MR. MANDATORY RETIREMENT.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CIRCUS? I'M ON MY WAY TO THE VET--

THIS IS OBSTRUCTION OF A PEACE OFFICER.

- WE'RE PEACE OFFICERS! - AND YOU'RE RETIRED.

LOOK AT THE VEHICLES.

LOOK AT THE VEHICLES. THIS SITUATION IS DETERIORATING BY THE SECOND.

EXCUSE US, OFFICERS, WE HAVE A LIMITED-USE PERMIT FOR AN EVENT NEAR THE PIER.

THEY HAD A PERMIT, AND MY STRATEGY

WAS TO STAGE THE VEHICLES HERE.

WHY STAGE THE VEHICLES HERE IF THE EVENT IS THREE BLOCKS AWAY?

WHY NOT JUST GO THERE?

GIVE THESE GUYS AN ESCORT, GET 'EM OFF THE FUCKIN' STREE, AND SET UP DOWN THERE.

BECAUSE YOUR POODLE'S LATE FOR HIS HAIRCUT?

DOG HAS A FULMINATING FUNGUS ON HIS PAD.

Man: HEY, TINA, I'M THE GUY THAT JERKS OFF TO YOUR TAPES!

- SHUT UP, YOU PERV! - HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK HER EX-HUSBAND'S DICK?

YEAH, SEE IF YOU CAN TELL THE WORLD WHAT A USEFUL LIFE YOU'VE LED

WITH THAT KIND OF MOUTHFUL!

YOU PERV-DICK- MOUTHFUL 24!

GO AHEAD, YOU'LL BE LED THROUGH!

FOLLOW THE POLICE OFFICERS.

YOU'LL BE LED THROUGH! LEAD THEM THROUGH!

GO ON THROUGH! YOU'RE BEING LED BY THE POLICE OFFICERS,

THE COCKSUCKERS THAT FORGOT TO TAKE MY CUFFS OFF!

GO ON THROUGH!

GO ON. HERE'S A DRUG CASUALTY-- THINKS THIS CAR'S NORMAL.

GO AHEAD, IT'S THE HOMOSEXUAL IN THE HYBRID-- GO ON!

- YOU'RE BEING LED THROUGH. - ( wolf whistles )

LOOK AT THE BREASTS ON THESE WOMEN!

THIS COUNTRY IS DOOMED! BUT GO AHEAD, HAVE FUN.

LOW-RENT AND HALF-ASSED...

- HARDCORE STINKWEED. - ( all cheer )

BUT WE ALWAYS ROLL WITH THE LOVELY STINKWEED LADIES.

( men whistling )

WE GOT SOME FREE T-SHIRTS RIGHT HERE. LADIES, THROW 'EM OUT!

CHECK OUT THE NEW DESIGN. COME TO THE BOOTH. CHECK OUT THE NEW STINKWEED LOGO!

HEY, PRESS, DON'T FORGET TO TAKE THESE GIFT BASKETS ON THE WAY OUT!

YOU DON'T TAKE 'EM, JAKE WON'T BE ABLE TO WRITE 'EM OFF.

TAKE A GOOD LOOK, MA.

WE'RE THEM NOW.

IF I LOOK FAMILIAR, PROBABLY SOMETIME IN YOUR LIFE

YOU'VE SEEN LINC STARK'S CAR GETTING DETAILED.

LINC STARK FOUNDED STINKWEED;

OUR C.E.O. AND IN-HOUSE VISIONARY.

LINC'S GOT PLANS AND HE'S HERE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THEM

AND I GUARANTEE YOU, THEY'RE BIG!

Linc: STANDING DOWN HERE AT SURFHENGE,

BECAUSE THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE ON THE SAME STAGE AS ME...

LINK'S GOING TO SELL THE FAMILY.

...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-- CISSY AND MITCH YOST!

( cheering, applause )

TINA BLAKE--

THE NAME MIGHT BE FAMILIAR TO SOME OF YOU.

BUTCHIE YOST!

SOMEBODY, CHECK THAT MAN FOR A WEAPON.

SHAUN YOST!

BUTCHIE'S NEW SURFING DISCOVERY--

JOHNNY MONAD FROM CINCINNATI!

STINKWEED, A WING AND A PRAYER

UNTIL WE SIGNED BUTCHIE YOST 15 YEARS AGO.

BUTCHIE YOST PUT STINKWEED ON THE MAP

AND WE DID ALL WE COULD TO HELP BUTCHIE CRASH AND BURN.

'CAUSE BUSINESS IS BUSINESS. IN OUR BUSINESS,

WE SELL CRASH-AND-BURN LIKE FORD SELLS TOUGH.

( mock weeping ) YOU GOT A HANKIE?

TIME PASSES, I SEE BUTCHIE YOST'S SON SURFING.

SHAUN YOST SURFS LIKE AN ANGEL.

AND WHEN I PITCH IT TO MITCH AND CISSY YOST, THEY AGREE

TO LET SHAUN SIGN WITH ME BECAUSE IT'S WHAT HE WANTS.

OH, AND MAYBE I MAKE A PROMISE THAT I WON'T DO THE SAME THING

WITH SHAUN THAT I DID WITH BUTCHIE.

HUNTINGTON BEACH, SHAUN GOES DOWN.

SORRY, CISSY. SORRY, MITCH.

DO NOT THINK FOR A SECOND, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS,

THAT THE LEOPARD WILL EVER CHANGE HIS SPOTS.

STINKWEED MARKETS SHAUN'S SPRAINED NECK

AS A MIRACLE JOURNEY BACK FROM DEATH

BY SURFING'S NEW YOUNG SUPERSTAR.

SHAUN AND JOHN GO AWOL SURFING,

THE LEOPARD DECIDES TO SELL IT AS A DISAPPEARANCE.

HE CALLS THE GRANDPARENTS, GETS THEM ALL FREAKED OUT.

THEY CALL THE MEDIA, TELL 'EM SHAUN'S MISSING.

SHAUN AND JOHN COME HOME.

CISSY AND MITCH ARE DOWN ON THE LEOPARD.

BUTCHIE WANTS TO BUST A CAP IN HIS ASS.

SOME PEOPLE JUST WILL NOT SEE THE BUSINESS ANGLE.

WHICH IS HOW AND WHY THE LEOPARD IS HERE BEFORE YOU NOW.

THE YOSTS HAVE THROWN A COLLAR ON THE CAT.

THEY'RE MAKING HIM CLIMB IN A CAGE.

THEY WILL STAY WITH STINKWEED ONLY IF I GET OUT.

STINKWEED LAYS DOWN COVER FOR MY FATHER.

AH-BAH-DEE, AH-BAH-DEE, AH-BAH-DEE. I'M OUT, FOLKS!

JAKE FERRIS, THE NEW C.E.O.

LINC IS EL CAMINO.

WE WILL NEVER DO BAD AGAIN.

( Jake, softly ) LINC STARK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

( rock music playing )

GET OFF MY FUCKING FOOT OR I'LL KILL YOU.

LOOK-- OTHER SIDE.

TALK OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

BRAH, GIVE ME THE KEYS.

CHECK OUT THE NEW WETSUITS, STINKWEED'S NEW DESIGN.

John: DR. SMITH COMES BACK 20 YEARS YOUNGER FROM CINCINNATI.

CISSY GETS KNOCKED-UP.

SHE'S BIGGER THAN LEONA HELMSLEY.

EARTH PUTS DICKSTEIN ON RETAINER.

DAPHNE KEEPS HIS HEAD STRAIGHT.

- ( cheering ) - John: JERRI MEETS A SLEW OF NEW HARELIPS.

MY FATHER FOUR-WALLS BARRY'S BAR.

DR. SMITH TRAINS DWAYNE AND RAMON.

MY FATHER FREELANCES IN CASS'S CAMERA.

SAYING I'D NOT CLIMB THOSE STAIRS AGAIN

OR COME BACK IN THIS ROOM...

I GUESS NOW YOU KNOW I'M A FIBBER.

WHY I CAME UP HERE, SWEETHEART...

THAT SON OF THE YOST BOY--

BUTCHIE WHO HELPED YOU WITH YOUR GROCERIES?

HIS SON WENT MISSING.

THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT, SHAUN--

BUTCHIE'S SON--

SAFELY RETURNED.

HAPPY OUTCOME.

ON THE DOWNSIDE,

THE GREEN ONE'S GONE.

I WAS REMISS,

TROTTING HIM PLACES OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.

ALTHOUGH I'LL SAY,

FIRST EXCURSION OUT I TOOK HIM TO THE HOSPITAL.

IT WAS A...

WORTHWHILE VISIT.

SEE, THIS IS WHY...

THIS IS WHY I DON'T COME UP HERE.

WHERE DO YOU START AND STOP?

EVERY EVENT AND INCIDENT--

"OH, IF SHE COULD HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS!

WOULDN'T SHE HAVE LAUGHED TO HAVE SEEN THAT?"

IF I TOOK THE MOUTH-HARP TO HAND TO COME UP WITH,

I'D HAVE NEVER MADE IT UP THE STAIRS

OR I'D PLAY TO YOU.

HERE I GO DOWN.

GOD LOVE YOU, MY LO',

AND HOLD YOU TIGHT.

LOIS...

LO', LOOK AT THIS!

( rock music continues )

John: MOTHER OF GOD, CASS-KAI.

( rock music continues )